By the time we got off the plane, got our luggage, a rental car and made our way to the hotel it was 8pm and I was mentally and emotionally exhausted from everything that I've been trying to process over the last few days. The tipping point being when Martha, who had introduced herself when we were de-boarding the plane, had told me the story of her and her beloved husband Henry. Daydreaming about that being me and Jace, nearly had me getting off the plane and back on another bound for New York immediately.

This whole thing was completely ridiculous, and having even spared a single minute or tear on things that weren't possible was a waste of energy. Further proving my point, fate decided once again to laugh in my face when we arrived at the hotel, only to find out that Izzy had booked us the 'Honeymoon Suite'. Jace argued with three different people, and a manager to try to get us separate rooms, but as luck would have it this trip was planned right through the middle of spring break meaning the place was booked full with a bunch of out of control, drunk college students. And all I wanted to do was to get to my room, take a long, hot bath and sleep. We didn't have to meet with Starkweather until tomorrow morning for breakfast, and I had intended on enjoying my first night on the island.

As we made our way down the hall towards our room, we remained silent...well I did, Jace kept mumbling and making comments about something...he had been since we left the airport but I couldn't find it in me to listen or even care what he was talking about. He put the key card in the door and pushed it open and we stepped inside and just stared. It was nice, as expected for the honeymoon suite...it had a small living room and dining room, a kitchen of sorts with microwave and mini fridge, and a bedroom with a huge king size bed. The pleasant surprises of the room were the oversize spa tub in the bathroom, and the small private pool that overlooked the beach.

We each tossed our carry on bags on the floor and I went to sit on the couch and wait for the rest of our luggage to be brought up. Jace was busy trying to call Izzy to find out why she did it. I didn't even care at that point, I just wanted sleep.

"I'm gonna kill her," Jace snarled as he flung his phone on the counter in the kitchen area.

"Yeah, well, you're going to have to wait another like seven months or end up with two counts of murder against you" I mumbled with a laugh as I lounged staring up at the popcorn ceiling.

I hadn't noticed that he had moved over near me when I said it, but he heard it.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He asked, leaning over me from the back of the couch.

"It means what it means, Izzy's pregnant."

He laughed, and laughed and laughed. I turned around and looked at him, sure that he must be losing his mind the way he was going on. When he stopped and saw the look on my face he paled.

"You're not joking are you?"

"Uh, no...I figured Jon would have told you, you are best friends and all that"

"Why would...no, don't tell me it's Jon's baby" he said shaking his head, but with a smile on his face "damn, took him long enough"

"Yeah, I know...that's what I said. But anyway, I'm tired...I just want to go to sleep."

"Don't go to bed yet, I'm trying to get in touch with Izzy to see if there were any other options for hotels around here. There's got to be something with two rooms available."

"Jace, don't worry about it" I say with a sigh, "I'm not going to cramp your style...I'll just sleep out here on the pull-out and you can have the bedroom for you and your groupies. You won't even know I'm here."

"Sweet...well, then you sleep...I'm gonna go find some food, and ya...you know."

"Yep" I say stoically, lifting a hand to wave without looking back at him, until I hear the door close. Then the tears start all over again. But I drag myself off the couch and start pulling the cushions off to set up the bed for the night, only to find that it isn't a pull-out couch, it's just a regular couch...no bed. Defeated, I go in to the closet in the bedroom and am more than happy when I find an extra set of sheets, a pillow and a blanket. Maybe tomorrow we can have a cot sent to the room, but until then, this will have to do. I toss the sheet on the couch, fluff up the pillow and lay down covering myself with the blanket.

As hard as I try, it takes hours before I start to feel tired enough for sleep. I've just laid here in the dark trying and failing at clearing my head, the images from earlier replaying over and over in my head. I felt at peace in that place. Not that it exists...but if it did, that's how I'd feel. It's what I've always wanted. Maybe not a farmhouse, but me and a husband, living in the suburbs with a couple of kids just how I grew up.

But Jace isn't that person, he hates me and with his womanizing ways, I have no doubt he'd probably leave me for someone else when he got bored of me too. Even the kids, nice idea...but not realistic. I don't deserve to be a mother. I had the chance once, and I did the unthinkable. It's something that I live with every single day and I don't think I'll ever forgive myself. I doubt I'd ever even be blessed enough to get pregnant again even if I were in a relationship with someone, and that wouldn't be fair to them...just like it wouldn't be fair to Jace. Because despite him generally being an ass, and a womanizer, one day he will grow up, and if how he was with Max was any indication, he'll be an amazing father.

Just as I feel like I'm finally about to drift off I hear the beep of the door being unlocked and it being opened...and just as expected the high pitch giggle of some random college chick. I clench my eyes closed and will myself not to hear them, but it's impossible. Even as they make their way back to the bedroom and the door closes, I can still hear them. Guess I'm going to have to buy earplugs, but for now, I'm stuck listening to him having his fun while I lay here and try not to imagine that girl being me.

~*Jace*~

"Shorty...Shorty wake up" I say, poking at her bare shoulder. The most I get out of her is an inaudible mumble of something as her face is pushed up against the back couch cushions. She must have been too tired to even pull out the bed.

I've been sitting here, watching her sleep for what feels like hours now. Creepy, I know, but I couldn't help myself. She just looked so beautiful lying here. It's not like I've touched her or anything, unless you count brushing the hair out of her face. There's just something about her, and it's driving me mad. I know it has everything to do with Mom and her little pep talk before we left while Max was out showing off the recent additions to his 'pad', as he likes to call it.

They've all been saying it ever since I can remember. 'Oh you and Clary are perfect for each other', 'The two of you belong together', 'Can you imagine how gorgeous your children would be'...yeah, highly irritating and if anything it kept me away from her even more than I was doing myself, because I'm stubborn like that. But this time, what she said was so different from all the other times.

"Jace, while Max has Clary busy, there's something I want to say to you before you two leave."

I roll my eyes, knowing that it's going to be the same thing I've been hearing forever. But I'll listen, because it's Mayrse, the woman that has raised me as her own since I was just a little boy, the woman I call mom...and if there's one thing I hate doing, it's disappointing her.

"Forget about your past with Clary. When you're with her, only think about the present, and your future. I know you like to have your fun, but someday you're going to want to settle down and have a family. You need to think about who you want your partner to be. Because just like your vows said...'it is not only marrying the right person, but being the right partner'. She could be the right partner for you, and if you don't open your eyes now, while you still have a chance, you could lose her."

"How did you know that was in the vows?" I asked, incredulously.

"Jocelyn and I watched the tape last night while you were all out in the backyard. As soon as I heard them I knew...sweetie, those were your mother and fathers vows. Stephen and Celine wrote the ceremony together. Now I don't have any idea where Magnus found them, but he used them for a reason...go back listen to the words you spoke, even if you weren't taking them seriously at the time. "

I couldn't say anything. Just the thought that I spoke the same words to Clary that my parents spoke to each other had me tearing up. I barely managed to hold them back we heard the crack of the door from the garage opening, and Clary and Max walking back laughing.

Mayrse leaned in and wrapped her arms around me, speaking quietly. "I know you're scared, but it's okay to let her in."

Needless to say, I haven't been able to think of anything since. It has me thinking and re-thinking everything I thought to be true about me and Clary. And she's right, Clary wouldn't have done this if she didn't care about me on some level. I have no doubt that even if I hadn't offered her anything in return, she would have still done it. Because that's the type of person Clary is.

I wanted to tell her when we got here. Tell her that I wanted to see if we could be something, but the second I woke up on that plane and looked at her, I completely lost the nerve. There was something so sad and lost in her eyes, and all I could think was that this girl has spent so long hating me, why would she even give me a chance now. She deserves so much better than me.

So I went out to the hotel bar and found some random girl, I don't know if I even asked her her name. She was pretty, and smart...said that she was in law school and could actually manage to have a conversation. But frankly, burnt toast has more personality than her, and the whole time we were together, I couldn't stop wishing it was Clary.

Clary is smart...really smart. When Seelie dropped out of school, Clary took her place as valedictorian. She's funny, and is quick to have a witty comeback for all of my sarcastic remarks. And she's beautiful, in that way that girls don't think they're anything more than average and don't even try, but they're actually gorgeous.

I guess sitting here watching her sleep, I thought I could figure it all out. But all I've managed to figure out is that I want her, more than I think I've ever wanted anything and I'm terrified that if I give myself to her the way she deserves, she'll break me.

"Clary, it's time to wake up, I have coffee" I say again, rubbing her back gently.

Finally she turns over enough to look at me and she has a smile on her face. "Jace, what are you...oh...right, Costa Rica, Starkweather, breakfast...got it. Give me a minute" she says, stretching before getting up and running back towards the bedroom.

When she comes back out, I notice her hair is still messy, half up and half down. As my eyes travel down her body I nearly choke on my coffee when I realize that once again she's in nothing but a tank top and a pair of panties. Is she trying to kill me?

When we were in bed together at her parents and she was like that it took every ounce of my self control to keep my hands off of her, and that was when I thought I didn't like her. And waking up with her arms wrapped around me, her head on my chest, felt better than I could ever possibly describe. But if this is how she's going to look just before our meetings, I'm going to have a really hard time concentrating on anything but her.

She rubs her eyes and looks back towards the bedroom "where's the soprano screamer?"

"Eh, sent her back to her room."

"That's too bad, I was looking forward to the awkward morning after when she asks who I am and I tell her I'm your wife" she smirks, pouring herself another cup of coffee.

"Sorry to disappoint."

"Maybe tomorrow. So, what do I need to wear to this breakfast?"

"Whatever, it's casual...just introductions and going over the schedule while we're here."

"No problem, I'll be ready in 20" she says, heading back to the bedroom and shutting the door.

It certainly would have been funny to see the girls reaction, but Clary won't get that chance. I'm done sleeping around. I've got a month to get that girl to fall in love with me, and until I figure out how to do that, I plan to steer clear of her and any other girls. I can't afford to screw this up.

Aww, yay, so Jace isn't a complete asshole, he's just...conflicted. And now he wants to make Clary fall in love with him, hmmm...wonder how hard that's gonna be. Knowing Jace, he's gonna make it harder than it needs to be.