Chapter 11

The second day in the Capitol wears me down even more. I barely see Annie all day. Mags has her and the Capitol patrons have me. By the last one, I'm barely able to do anything more than lie there, but it doesn't seem like she minds.

After, she feels the need to lie on my chest as she daydreams about what it must be like to lead such an exotic life such as I do. She tells me all about her mundane life in the Capitol and then goes on to talk rumors about other people. These are people whose names I recognize. I've either met them or slept with them. I cautiously question her, which serves a dual purpose. First, it makes her think I'm much more interested in her life than I am, and second, knowing people's secrets without them knowing that I know will be fun. It would give me something to do when I was in bed with them. It also might be useful.

It will also be interesting to see how these people react when they learn the gossip going around the Capitol that involves them.

If I have to be a Capitol-whore, I might as well make my own fun.

Annie is already sleeping when I make it back to her room. I take a shower, order some food and then watch her sleep. For most of the time, she's sleeping peacefully, but every couple of hours, her brow creases and she mumbles something in a frightened voice.

The next day she's taken on a tour of the Justice Building in the heart of the Capitol. Mags accompanies her while I spend my morning having meaningless sex with a woman who surgically altered her ears so they form points. Afterward, I listen to her tell me about how her husband knows Snow.

I pay attention, but I find myself more and more thinking about Annie. I worry about her. Mags, while tough, is old.

But I get to have lunch with them. "Finnick!" Annie says when she sees me. It's the same excited way she says it every time. It fills my heart.

She has a break from tours and events until this evening's dinner at President Snow's mansion. I push my scheduled appointment back and take a nap with her. I don't sleep more than twenty or thirty minutes, but it doesn't matter because I'm holding her so close to me that every movement she makes moves me.

I regretfully take my leave of her and don't see her again until I'm at the dinner party. The room is packed, but she's easy to find in her stand-out red dress. Her hair is pulled up, but little wisps of it tickle her neck. She's wearing a diamond necklace and it puts me on edge.

Logically, I know that her stylists would have gotten it for her, but it is expensive and it reminds me of the jewels my patrons use as gifts to me. Fear seeps into me as I question whether or not she could be doing the same things I am. I feel disgusted, but manage to squash it.

Mags would know and she would tell me. Mags is the one person who has always been honest with me and I have no doubt that she won't keep me in the dark if Snow is forcing Annie to do that sort of thing.

I intend to walk straight over to Annie, just to run my hand down her exposed back, but there must be a thousand people in this room and nearly all of them want to talk to me. It isn't until after dinner that I'm able to get away from everyone and make my way towards her. Before I get there someone takes her hand out of Mags' and leads her to the dance floor.

I watch them dance. I seethe as the man's hand strokes the smooth skin of her lower back. When they spin, I can see she's not having a good time and I want to grab her away. I want to take her hand and run away with her.

Again, I am sidelined by Lucia. She has a standing scheduled appointment with me every time I make it to the Capitol. I'm a little surprised she has waited so long to see me. I spend a long time talking with her. She likes to be seen with me. She likes to flirt. She likes to touch me.

As soon as I can, I excuse myself under the pretense of checking on Annie. Lucia makes a joke about Annie having the mental capacity of a three-year-old and needing a nanny to keep track of her. I bristle, but smile the way I'm expected to.

I finally make it to Annie and tell Mags it's okay for her to go visit with some of her friends. "Hello," I greet her.

"Finnick!"

"You look beautiful."

"Red's not my color. Makes me feel raw and broke open."

I cringe at her imagery, but then she laughs. I don't know what she's laughing at but I love the sound of it, so I smile. It's quick to fade though.

"Why were you talking to that woman? She looked… She touched you. Do you love her?"

What do I say? I'm pleased that her eyes sought me out, but devastated that she saw me with Lucia. I'm outright horrified that I may have to actually explain why I have to talk with Lucia. "Of course I don't love her," I say, but it comes out a little too harsh and Annie's beautiful eyes grow worried.

Sliding my hand across her lower back, I bring her closer to me. "You know how the people in the Capitol are. They like to touch things, but it's meaningless, Annie. Do you understand that it's meaningless? I don't want her and I absolutely do not love her."

Without another word, I lead her onto the dance floor and bring her close to me. I rarely close my eyes around strangers, but tonight I allow myself to dance with her in darkness. I can almost pretend that it is just the two of us dancing in the moonlight on our beach.

But our moment is interrupted by another person wanting to dance with Annie. I have no choice but to let her go.

I no longer want to even pretend that I'm not in love with her. It's so hard to explain. I don't know why I feel this way about her; I just know that I do.

She asked about Lucia. She knows something is off. I don't want to lie to her, but I don't want her to know what I am either.

Still, Lucia is waiting, wanting, and ready for me to take her away from the crowded room and perform for her like always. I glance from her, all made-up like a Capitol-freak, to my Annie, whose simple dress and light make-up are nothing more than accessories to her own natural beauty.

I don't want to have anything to do with Lucia. Even though I'm not having sex with Annie, it feels so wrong to think about doing what Lucia wants tonight. How can I do that to Annie? How will I force myself to perform now that I realize I love her?

So I do nothing more with Lucia than tell her that I am ill. I tell the same lie the next night. I don't think about anything other than doing what's right for Annie and me.

How can I ever expect her to love me in return when I have sex with both men and women under the direction of Snow? How will she ever respect me? Wouldn't she rather I die than know that I allowed myself to sleep with countless people, in countless ways?

I am alone in my room on the third night of my personal rebellion. The next morning we are to depart for home, and Mags wanted Annie to get some good sleep before our homecoming. The knock is loud and I startle awake.

I open my door and am taken by two sets of big arms. I don't even have enough time to look at who has me, let alone fight them off. I am naked and have no weapons. My protests go unheard as something is clamped over my mouth. I fear that I may be an Avox before morning breaks.

But when they release me, I'm in the room that Samuelson occupied during the prep for the Games. I look up at the calculatingly calm face of President Snow.

"Finnick, Finnick, Finnick."

I say nothing, but as he extends his hand, indicating toward a chair, I sit and never break his gaze.

"I have to say, I'm a bit disappointed in you. You missed three appointments. Are you ill?"

I try to speak, wanting to tell him that I was indeed not feeling well, but I can't seem to make the words come.

He smiles that horrid, evil smile. "You haven't forgotten the arrangement that assures your family's safety, have you?"

"No."

"Really? Then it will come as no shock when I tell you that your inability to comply has had costly consequences."

I can't breathe. My stomach clenches and my heart drops. I hadn't even thought about my family as I blew off engagement after engagement. Finally, I am able to suck in a huge gulp of air, but it isn't like the first breathe after being under water. It isn't refreshing. This air is stale and sickening.

He turns on a television and I see images of my father's home.

"I think it was your brother's new wife who put up the most fight."

Wife? I don't even know that he's married.

"You didn't…" Tears prickle my eyes. "They're…"

"They paid for your debt, Finnick. Don't worry, I only let my Peacekeepers violate your mother."

Everything after that is a blur as my body launches into motion.

I don't get far.

The two large Peacekeepers grab a hold of me again, slamming me back down.

"But it pained me to think I took away everything you had until I realized we left you the old woman. And Annabelle is such a tender girl, don't you think?"

"Please don't touch her," I sob in despair. I hate myself for bringing this upon us.

"Yes, we've made a deal on that as well, if I recall correctly. Tell me, will you go back on your word if it's Annie's life in the balance?"

"No," I say quickly, panicking now.

Just then a door opening and a female Peacekeeper brings Annie in. "Finnick!" she says the same way she always does. Her eyes narrow when she sees me. "You're naked?"

"Annie! Are you all right?"

The easy smile she usually wears slips and her eyes grow panicked as well. I shouldn't be upsetting her more. I struggle to regain my composure.

"Dear Annabelle!" His voice seems to shake her and she notices the President for the first time. "Finnick and I were just talking about you. He values you quite a bit, you know."

Her smile is back and it grows. She murmurs that she values me too.

"In fact, he values you so much that he begged me after you won the Games to promise to keep you safe. I asked for a very modest trade." He runs a finger down her arm and I can see her shiver from her. "Finnick forgot about our arrangement and flaunted his feelings so openly by dancing with just one person all night, so I'd like you to meet someone."

She shifts nervously and her fingers move constantly. "I didn't kill the birds!"

"Birds?" he asks with a laugh. I want to kill him as he runs his fingers against her cheek. "I want you to meet one of your biggest sponsors."

The over-fed man who gave a small fortune to help feed her enters the room, takes her hand, and presses it to his disgusting, fat lips. "Hello, Annie."

"No!"

Everyone looks at me now. "I won't forget this time. I swear." All I can think about is that fat man sweating on her.

Snow crosses to me, his long disgusting fingers trail over my collarbone and I swear if the two Peacekeepers weren't using all of their force on me, I would snap is his neck, rip his head clean off his body.

He moves behind my chair and crouches down, his bloody breath at my ear.

"He's been begging me for her since the reaping," he whispers about the sponsor. "He wants her so badly. You should have heard what he offered for your little eccentric girl."

I do my best to keep my voice even, but even I hear the terror. "Please don't."

"Yes, beg Finnick. Beg me to spare her."

"Please don't hurt her."

"Marcus, I don't believe a deal has been reached. Wait outside."

The sponsor runs his fingertip down her arm as he exits.

"Finnick?" I wish I couldn't see the fear in her eyes, the dread set on her lips.

Snow runs a hand down my bare chest as his body presses even closer from behind. "Payment for your lapse in judgment is either her or you."

It takes his lips on my ear before the realization hits. It must dawn on Annie too because she says, "Don't touch him."

Snow laughs and my eyes close to shield me from seeing the look on her face. "'Don't touch him?' But he's mine to touch, my dear child."

There was a silent pause until he says, "He never told you what your price was? Oh, how very, very precious."

I feel so sickened at my choice. I could either allow this to happen or I could fight. Fighting could result in my death or worse, hers. Before I honestly decide, my body is struggling and I'm trying to fight off the Peacekeepers, but they have somehow stunned me and are beating me badly. Annie's screaming for them to stop, for me to stop trying to fight until I have no more energy and give up. The only thing I can do is let it happen.

I think about the water. Annie's little whimpers as she sits in the room with me transform into chirps of water birds.

After we're released, I wish once again I could fly off of the roof and end my existence, but I can't, so I sit huddled in the shower, Annie naked next to me.

I can't look at her as she continues to wash me.

We're in there for long hours and I want to cry, but I don't want her to panic at what she just witnessed. I need her close to me and if she panics, I doubt I can help either one of us get through it.

Finally, she coaxes me out and we are dried. She helps me into comfortable clothes and I watch as she puts on clothing that is much too big for her. There is something satisfying in seeing her in my clothing.

We sit silently on the bed until her finger skims my cheek. "You didn't kill those birds, Finnick."

"No," I say, my voice hoarse, "I just won the Hunger Games."

…