I take a sip of my espresso and glance round the busy coffee shop where I'm ensconced in a comfy chair waiting for Shayla.

Shayla was one of my closest friends back at Berkeley but a few circumstances led to us losing touch after I left San Francisco. It was after closing a tough case one shift that I started to think about her and what she was up to. I realized how much I missed her so I used one of the workstations in the research lab and looked her up. It turned out that she was alive, well and unbelievably, living in Vegas. After contacting her we met up almost straight away. Having her back in my life was amazing. Our friendship picked up from where we'd left off, it was like we'd never been apart.

My mind drifts to a familiar subject as I watch the people come and go. It's been two weeks since Catherine came back to work and I'm still worrying about her but I suppose it is getting easier. Day by day and case by case I'm learning to let go of those insecurities. This is the job we do and she is one of the best. She needs the job and the job needs her. She's back in the old routine and she's on fire having solved four out of her five cases already. I can't help but feel an immense sense of pride and respect and a level of unworthiness. I know I shouldn't but in comparison I realize I can't hold a candle to Catherine Willows.

"Penny for your thoughts!" I blink and look up to see two twinkling green eyes staring warmly down at me. "Hey Sugar, you were miles away just then."

"Hey you, thank you for meeting me at such short notice."

"Hey when my Sara needs a friend, I'm there. Besides, I eat lunch everyday not like some folk I know."

"Believe me I have no problems in that department any more."

"Really? Now what's affected this change?" Shayla pulls up the chair opposite and sits down studying my face closely. "Your eyes are sparkling girl… in fact you're positively glowing." My gaze is suddenly drawn to an interesting spot on the floor under her intense scrutiny and I can feel my cheeks reddening. "The Sara Sidle I know does not blush like that, not unless…" I feel like my face is on fire as Shayla chuckles triumphantly. She always could read me like an open book. "Sara Sidle, look at me!" My shy gaze meets hers and I feel the beginnings of a smirk appearing on my face. "I'm right aren't I?"

I drain my espresso watching her over the rim of my cup. As I rest it back in it's saucer I test my voice. "Yes Shay, you're right." Yep, I sound breathy.

"Who is she?" Shayla demands immediately. Oh God, here comes the Spanish inquisition. I smile softly as I think of how lucky I am before I begin to answer.

"Her name is Catherine and she…" my voice chooses this moment to crack for some reason, please don't let me be getting ridiculously emotional, "she is the most amazing woman I know."

Shayla's mouth is currently hanging open in delight. "The most amazing woman you know huh? Even more amazing than me?"

"Um..." My gaze darts from side to side as I work out how to answer or better still avoid that question.

"Don't avoid my question you wimp," she chides me intuitively. "I said is she more amazing than your incredibly amazing pal Shay?"

"Yeah," I reply sheepishly not able to look up.

"That's the right answer!" Ok, that was not what I expected her to say. "Now come on girl, spill it. Tell me everything."

In the next twenty minutes I tell her about my relationship with Catherine. How I met her, after having received a very interesting call from an old friend and coming to Vegas to help him in an internal investigation. How hard it was to be her friend at first because of our combinedstubbornness and how my feelings developed from appreciation for her beauty and admiration for her work ethic into what I now know is love. I tell her about Lindsey and how good our relationship is. Shayla knows I've never been very comfortable around children and I can see she is quite surprised. Probably as surprised as I was when I realized how easy it was to interact with Catherine's daughter. Lindsey is so special. She's so much like Catherine there's no way I couldn't love that little girl. I finish by telling her briefly about the events that brought us together. I don't go into much detail because I'd never want to betray Catherine like that. Instead I focus on just how wonderful it is and how privileged I feel to be a part of her life and a part of her daughter's life

Shayla sits back and fixes me with her penetrating green eyes. "Jesus Sara… You really are in love with her."

"Yes," I confess staring right back at her, "I really am."

"Oh Sugar, I can't begin to tell you just how happy I am for you. I'm also very glad to hear that you already broached the subject of your past. I know talking about that has always been a massive deal."

"Catherine was very supportive and she doesn't seem to worry about her relationship with me at all." I say this with an unexpected note of surprise in my voice. People have never liked to hear about the abuse and have been afraid that I may do the same thing, especially with my sometimes volatile temper. But not Catherine, Catherine is... different… she's amazing.

"And she shouldn't be worried," Shayla says bringing my attention back to her. I very often find myself daydreaming about Catherine. "You are a remarkable woman Sara Sidle You are nothing at all like the family you came from. You girl are the most amazing woman I know and nothing will ever make me change my mind on that however amazing you insist this Catherine is. You deserve nothing less than you have found in her Sara. Don't you ever let the clouds of your past or your feelings of unworthiness destroy this most precious thing you have now."

"I won't, I promise. The only thing is…" I fidget a little as a waitress brings us refills. "…and this is why I called you…"

Shay looks at me with an eyebrow raised unsure of quite what is coming next.

"We've only been together since…" I pause and roll my hand to indicate my meaning, to which Shayla nods, "and well… um… because of that we've… um… well we've never, you know…" I glance from side to side and lower my voice, "…had sex." I really don't like talking about things like this, especially when it's not with Catherine, but I trust Shay and I know she'll keep my confidence. "I can't say she didn't try though or that I didn't want it because Catherine… I'm serious Shayla; she is a goddess… I mean if you only saw her…"

"What you're trying to tell me here is that because of the attack you've held back. You've felt that she wasn't ready for that level of intimacy with you. I'm right, right?" I let go my breath, resting my back in the chair and nod awkwardly. "Damn Sara, why do you always do that?"

"Do what?"

"Sabotage your own relationship by putting your partner before yourself all the time?"

"But I don't…" Shayla cuts me off.

"When are you going to realize that you have to act upon some of the things you want instead of thinking solely about her? Sara you are a human being with needs and urges and so is she. Believe me girl, you can't ignore these feelings."

"I know that…"

"Sara, honey, listen to me. Don't you think that your wonderful Catherine knows whether she is ready to have sex with you? If she is making the moves then she clearly wants you." She chuckles and shakes her head slowly. "I can't believe after all this years you still second guess things like that."

"Shay, I love her!" Ok that came out louder than I intended. My vehement tone surprises my friend and I look around embarrassedly. Yeah, there are now people staring at us. Lowering my voice to a hushed whisper I continue. "Look, I know that maybe I'm not handling things right but I love her and can't bear the thought of hurting her more. Shay, can you help me or not?"

"I want to help you, yes."

"Good because I need you. And you know how much I hate being the center of people's attention." I chance a glance at the ladies on the table next to us. They're not looking anymore but you can bet your bottom dollar they're listening. Oh yes their ears will be now be finely tuned to every word uttered between Shay and me.

"I'll help you but Sara, sugar you have to understand that…"

I sense a lecture and I stand up to leave. I don't like this and she knows it.

"No, wait!" she says, waving me to sit back down in my seat. "I'm not going to be an ass I swear. Look, just let me give you a little advice." I stare at her my expression somewhere between exasperated and nervous. Perhaps this isn't the kind of highly emotive discussion to be having over coffee.

"Can you sit down again… please?" I sigh and collapse back into my seat. "There are times in life Sara, when you will have to put what you want first if you really want the relationship to last. People expect their partners to say what they want and how they feel, to act upon their desires, especially those intimate desires. That's my advice to you. I am sure Catherine will understand what you are trying to do, and probably on some level will appreciate your care of her but sooner or later she will get frustrated if you keep making the decision for her. She will begin to wonder if it's her, if you really want her and if you leave it the information hag in the air for too long it could lead to resentment. It's inevitable."

"The last thing I want is to hurt her more or make her frustrated with me. We already know exactly how to push each other buttons and let me tell you, the fights we used to have at work were never pretty."

Shayla leans forward and places both her hands over mine. I smile shy. "You must have thought about it, about how you would want your first time to play out?"

"Oh of course I have, all the time."

"Ok well tell me, how would you like things to be?"

The next ten minutes is filled by me telling her everything I had imagined I could do to make the evening very romantic, perfect in fact, just as Catherine deserves. Ok… as we both deserve. She smiles as I describe wanting to take Catherine away from the city. She hears me out and then announces that she knows the perfect place to make my idea become reality. She promises to meet me and show me in the morning but the few things she does tell me about the place, I already know I'll love it.

"If you two are going to go away what about Catherine's daughter?"

"I'll tell Linds that I want to take her mom away for a romantic break, she won't have a problem with that."

"You can say that to her?" She asks quite surprised. I nod. "How old is she?"

"Nearly ten"

"Wow. You've really changed." Shay looks at me with admiration.

"Lindsey is a smart girl and she knows I love her mother. You should have seen how happy she was when Catherine told her we were dating."

"She accepted her mom dating a woman just like that?" I can see that Shayla is getting more excited about my story.

"Actually she knew Catherine liked me before Catherine did. She said it was written all over her face whenever she looked at me." I laugh remembering Lindsey's voice. She was not in the least bit surprised by her mom's revelation. "So it's a deal then? We'll go and see this place tomorrow?"

"Yeah and you decide when you want to go and I'll call the housekeeper and ask her to give it the once over. She'll have the place shiny as a new pin for you."

"Perfect!" I'm so happy I can't stop my grin appearing.

"Listen Sugar, I have to go, some of us work normal hours and can only extend our lunch-breaks so far you know. I'll see you tomorrow. Call me to let me know when you'll pick me up yeah?"

"I will." I stand up and pull my best friend into a big hug. "I don't know how to say thank you enough for helping me Shay but I'll say thank you anyway."

"Anything for a friend and I have to say, I wish my husband had gone to this much trouble when we started dating… she is a very lucky woman your Catherine."

"No, I am the lucky one, believe me."

I pay our bill and follow Shay outside feeling decidedly pleased with myself. Things are going to be perfect.

I open the front door and find the woman of my dreams curled on the sofa, reading. I creep closer as it appears she's so engrossed she's failed to hear me come in. I wrap my arms around her from behind leaning over the back of the sofa to place delicate little kisses all along her beautiful neck.

"Hey you, what took you so long?" she asks looking up at me. "You were just supposed to be dropping Lindsey at her friend's house then coming back"

"Did you miss me that much?"

"I miss you whether you're away a day, an hour or a single minute."

"Well that's good, because me too." I kick off my shoes and climb over the back of the sofa to settle beside her, my arms still wrapped round her. "What are you reading?"

"Just some novel…" Catherine answers dismissively "but you didn't answer me Sara."

"I went to meet a friend of mine." I say snuggling into her shoulder.

"What friend? And why didn't you tell me before?" Uh-oh, her tone sounds a little jealous.

"You don't have any reason to be jealous," I whisper, relieving her of the book and casting it to the floor before shifting to sit in her lap. "She's an old friend from Berkeley. I love her to bits but I'm not in love with her, I have too much on my plate in that department already. I'm in love with the most beautiful, sexy, and incredible woman in the world, you may know her, her name is Catherine Willows?" I hear her giggle and her cheeks color up as her eyes meet mine. "As for my friend Shayla, I think her husband might have something to say about the suggestion of her having a thing for me." Catherine's mouth opens in an 'oh' and I simply nod. "You are so, soo beautiful," I whisper again, taking her bottom lip between mine and pouring all my feelings into a tender kiss.

"I'm sorry for being all suspicious." She says shy.

"That's ok. It just shows me how much you like me."

"Oh Sara," she caresses the side of my face with her palm. "I don't like you, not even close." What, ok, now she has my attention. She leans in until I can feel her breath on my lips again, taking my hand and flattening my palm against her chest. "I love you!"

Our lips crash together and we kiss until we are both completely out of breath. "I love you too." I manage to pant out as I play with her hair.

Eventually I slide off her and kneel just in front of her resting my head in her lap. She begins to stroke my hair softly and I can't help but feel at home. A safe and loving home, nothing like the one I once had. I finally feel as though I can do anything. I'm indestructible as long as she is with me. It is not a feeling that I'm used to but it is most definitely wonderful

"Just so you know, don't arrange anything for Friday night. You have plans!"

"Really?" she asks seductively. "And where do you plan on taking me?"

"That, my love, is a secret," I whisper.

"You do know that I could make you talk now if I wanted to don't you?" she giggles.

"But you won't…" I lift my head looking to her blue eyes. "I want this surprise to be perfect." I say, hoping she understands how important this is to me. Catherine sees it in my eyes and nods in agreement. She touches my face before leaning down and kissing me, slowly and deeply.

Reluctantly I break the kiss and stand in front of her. "I'm going to have a quick shower ok?"

"As long as you save enough time to make out with me on this sofa, before we have to go to work…?"

"Oh you can bet I will!"

Catherine smiles from ear to ear, sending me a silent kiss as she bends to retrieve her discarded book. God I love this woman!

tbc