It had been three long years since the Doctor had left. Rose had learned from Romana, who assiduously kept her updated on the going-on's on the Doctor, that he was fighting on the front lines, either on some distant planet or up in space. He had been promoted General Commander and was quite adept at strategy planning and execution of said strategies. But the words of Ohila still sounded in her subconscious like an ominous warning. Together they would be strong. Apart they were weak. But so far he was holding his own. Maybe too many close calls for her liking, but he always pulled through. She missed him terribly and childishly wondered if he missed her too?
And as busy as Romana was with the war, she had made time for Rose and helped her harness and control the power coursing through her. And it was no easy feat. They had learned early on that Bad Wolf was indeed a very powerful entity and the power of Bad Wolf was no less. If Rose put her mind to it, she could decimate the entire Dalek Empire to dust with just a single thought. But that kind of power scared Rose and she didn't dare try to tap into that kind of destruction, a decision that Romana wholeheartedly agreed with. Romana was nervous of the power, too. Especially when it was housed in a human, a species known for their instability and recklessness. But she had grown to trust Rose and had seen that her compassion and empathy greatly outweighed hatred of any kind. In a way, it was a good thing that it was in Rose and not someone else, someone who was power hungry and evil.
It was during those three years that the last memory slowly came in bits and pieces until it had finally slotted the last piece in her dream last night, forming the full, though not quite full, picture of that time period of her life in the parallel. She had awoken, her cheeks damp with tears. It may have happened many years ago, but the memory was fresh and new, and so was the heartbreak.
She marched into Romana's quarters without knocking, sitting heavily down on the chair by Romana's desk. Romana didn't even look up from filling out paperwork.
"Had another flashback?" she queried, her eyes still down and quill still scribbling furiously.
"One day you're going to have to tell me how you do that?"
"Do what?"
"Able to sense when I have a memory restored. Or what kind of mood I'm in when I walk into the room and you haven't even looked at me."
Romana set down her quill and clasped her hands in front of her. "When your emotions are stronger, the energy you emit is noticeably…more forceful. That's how I judge your mood and usually sad or angry is associated with a memory restoration."
"Ah. And here I thought you had some magical powers," Rose mused, her foot jiggling in an impatient tempo.
"I'm a Time Lady, not a sorceress," Romana scoffed, mild affront marring her delicate features.
Rose leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees, her hands clasped under her chin. "Is there such things as sorcerers? Magic?"
Romana simply raised an eyebrow and Rose sighed. "Yeah, didn't think so."
"So why ask?"
"Just to be sure."
Romana smiled. She and Rose had truly grown fond of each other. It had started as an awkward treaty, but had slowly morphed into genuine fondness over the last three years. "So what happened?"
Rose knew she was referring to the memory. She swallowed hard, a lump forming in her throat. "We lost the baby. By then Bad Wolf had merged with me and I was incapable of carrying to full term. My body saw the pregnancy as a threat of sorts and in turn forced a miscarry."
Romana reached over the desk and extended her hand and Rose gratefully took it. Romana clasped her hand and said sincerely, "I'm so sorry, Rose. The loss of a child is something no parent should have to go through."
"Thank-you," Rose replied, her eyes shimmering with tears. If anything, she was grateful she had a friend to talk to, to share her grief with. She cleared her throat and wanted to change subject. "Any news of the Doctor?"
"Still fighting in Arcadia. I spoke to him a mere few hours ago. He enquired about you and I gave him the update."
"Oh?" Rose said, picking at her nails and unable to look at Romana.
"He misses you," she continued.
"I doubt whether he said that in actual words."
"Not as such. But I have known him for a very long time, and it's what he doesn't say that speaks volumes."
"Maybe," Rose mused. "So are we going to train today or more admin work?" she asked. Both ideas did not appeal to her. They had trained long and hard, but she found that using the power of Bad Wolf, even for a short amount of time, greatly exhausted her. Her training was kept to once a week in the beginning, mostly because it took her a long while to recover any strength. Gradually they had upped the amount of time and by now she was able to train for a few hours five times a week. It still exhausted her, but not as much as it used to. When she didn't train, Romana had her helping with reports and administration work. Not that she was much help in that department, but it kept her busy and staved off the boredom.
"I was thinking that you could help out in this war."
Rose interrupted, "I will not fight. I know we've been training and I have it pretty much under control, but what if I lose that control? I have no idea what will happen and I don't won't to hurt innocents."
Romana calmly held up a slender hand and with a soft smile, said, "That is not what I was suggesting, Rose."
"Then what?"
"I need you to go scout out a nearby planet. Make observations and report back your findings."
Rose frowned, even though she was eager to go somewhere, do something. The taste of freedom was a tantalizing temptation. She was starting to feel restless, like a caged wild animal.
Romana continued, "You will have an escort, of course. It's an unoccupied planet, and no threat can be detected there. But it would be good to send in someone to check up and make sure nothing is going on."
She knew she should be asking questions, erring on the side of caution, but she was just too eager to get out and about.
"When do I leave?" she asked with a wolfish smile.
Romana smiled back.
They teleported onto the planet. Her escort was a soldier Time Lord named Ted, or rather, that was his shortened name. Rose still could not wrap her tongue around the long names that the Time Lords had, but noted that most of them preferred if she used their shortened names. Ted was average height, with short cropped brown hair that hinted at curls if left to grow longer. He had dark brown eyes framed with dark lashes and pale skin. Altogether, he was average looking, but he had an easy smile and pleasant nature, though he was quiet and reserved, something that the Time Lords were famous for.
Romana had given them a time ring, though it was actually a bracelet, that teleported them to their destination. The bracelet was a simple gold band with a red gem in the centre. Rose was instructed to push the gem when she wished to return. Apparently it was programmed to only send her to the destination that Romana had set and the return was for Gallifrey, right in Romana's office.
The planet was indeed deserted, buildings nothing more that rubble in the wasteland desert. Rose looked around, seeing only sand and a few dried up husks that had once been vegetation.
She looked over at Ted, his eyes roaming the wasteland. She trusted his eyesight more than her own, superior vision and all.
"See anything?" she quipped.
He turned a full circle, his focus sharp and intent. He stopped and pointed a device where he was looking. It made a beeping sound and he looked down at the screen, reading the readings.
"Looks like there was a city a little ways up ahead. No life forms detected."
Rose nodded. "Fancy a look?" she asked with a grin. It may be a wasteland, but to her this was freedom. A chance to get out and stretch her legs.
"That is what we are here to do," he said blandly, but he started walking in the direction of the city that she still could not see.
Rose jogged up to him and kept in stride with him. They didn't talk much, Ted too focused on scanning and searching his surroundings. The soldier in him was showing and idle chat was kept to a minimum.
They walked for a good two hours, until they finally came to the outskirts of the derelict city. Here buildings were small and crumbling, but still standing. Though one could see how this city had been bombed. Huge craters were found every mile or so, evidence of bombings. The buildings that were standing were charred black, the roads now nothings but rubble and dust. Ted scanned every building or house they came across, but nothing of concern showed up on the scanner.
They forged deeper in the city. It was stifling hot and sweat covered Rose's body. She pulled out a flask of water and gulped greedily. She noted with envy that Ted, clad in heavy leather type armor, was neither sweating nor showing any signs of strain. Rose sat down on a slab of concrete, a remnant of a building or structure long since destroyed.
"How long had this planet been unoccupied?" she asked, taking another gulp of water.
Ted stopped his scanning and turned to look at her. "The inhabitants were destroyed at the beginning of the war. So about a century."
Rose frowned. She had only been here three years. She had always been under the impression that the War was still in the early stages. "A century? Is that how long the war has been going on?"
"Yes," he said simply.
Rose was silent, mulling it over in her head. She felt quite stupid for not knowing much about the Time War.
"Who killed the…inhabitants?" she finally asked.
"They were caught in the crossfire. The survivors fled."
"Who were they?"
"They were the species known as the Glophofane. A peaceful race, but utterly unprepared for warfare."
"I don't think anyone is quite prepared for war," Rose said bitterly.
"Quite."
She looked up at him, trying to read his expression. This war had hardened so many Time Lords. All the horrors they had seen and had been forced to do, it was understandable. She thought back to the Doctor, when he wore leather, and now his gruffness and unrefined manner made so much more sense. She hadn't understood what he had gone through, but now she was getting an inkling of what it was really like.
She took one more mouthful of water and placed it back in her backpack and stood. "Onward?" she asked.
He nodded, his expression softening. "Onward."
Rose was about to step forward when she froze, a scuttling noise alerting her from behind. Ted seemed to hear it too, as he spun around facing the direction where the noise had come from. Rose strained to listen, but it was eerily silent.
Ted stood absolutely still, his eyes searching, his scanner held fast in his clutches. Outwardly he was calm, but he radiated tension. Rose backed up slowly until she stood next to Ted.
"You see anything?" she whispered.
"No, and the scanner isn't picking up anything."
"Could it have been the wind," she asked hopefully, though she knew how stupid that question was. There wasn't even a whisper of a breeze to slack off the searing heat. Ted seemed to think the same thing as he shot her a look as though she had dribbled on her shirt. It was a look so similar to the Doctor that if the situation hadn't been so tense she might have laughed. She shook her head. "Thought not," she muttered.
The scuttling noise came again, this time to their left and closer. They whipped their heads in the direction. The only thing there were rundown building, their interiors hidden in shadows. That was not good. Whatever threat was lurking was keeping hidden in those shadows. She narrowed her eyes, trying to peer into the depths of inky blackness. Ted seemed to be doing the same. So much for superior eyesight. The dark hid monsters from everyone.
As by some unspoken agreement, Rose and Ted backed away slowly. Almost in slow motion they spotted movement from the shadows, a pale clawed arm gripping the edge of what had once been the doorway of the building. Slowly another claw clutched the opposite side, pulling the occupant slowly out into the light. Rose felt bile rise in her throat, her mind going blank as she tried to comprehend what she was seeing. The creature was motley grey, covered in ooze and sores. As its body hoisted out the doorway, Rose could count six more limbs, all spindly and claw-like. Each limb was attached to a swollen torso, making the creature spider-like in appearance. It was roughly twice the size of her and Ted put together. The head was bald and devoid of features except slits where eyes should have been and its mouth opened up wide, impossibly wide, to reveal countless sharp and jaggered teeth. Its two arms were set in the front of its torso, while the other limbs were set on the side. The creature rose, standing on those spindly limbs that were pointed in sharp daggers on the end. Its mouth opened even more impossibly wider and it let out an ear piercing shriek.
"Run!" Ted shouted.
Rose didn't need to be told twice. She sprinted after him, daring to look back. The creature was scuttling after them, going faster than she could have imagined on those sharp pincers. They would never be able to outrun it. Ted came to the same conclusion and grabbed her hand, yanking them into the nearest building. Shortly after the building rumbled with the impact of the spider-like monster crashing into it, trying to get after its prey.
"What the hell is that?" Rose shouted as Ted led her to the back of the building.
"I don't know," he answered back, his panic echoing around the hallow building. "We have to get out of here. The building is going to collapse."
Sure enough, another crash resounded as the creature battered at the wall trying to force its way in. They ran to the back and Ted kicked down the rotted wood door, and they sprinted out into the blinding light. They sprinted down the street. The buildings looked even more unstable here. They would find no sanctuary here. But they couldn't stop. Rose looked back and almost shrieked as she saw the monster burst through the building they had just fled, and watched in horror as it crumbled down, the creature spotting them and scuttling after them at a breakneck speed.
Ted fired over his shoulder with his energy gun, hitting the creature in the middle of the torso. But instead of injuring it, the ray just bounced right off it. It screeched even louder.
"It has heavy shielding. Most probably why the scanner never detected it," Ted shouted.
"Never mind that! We need to get away from it!" she shouted back.
They raced further down the street, passing rubble and steel skeletons that had once been structures. Nothing offered shelter or protection that she could see. The wasteland of the city was flat. They didn't even have the option of climbing to higher ground.
Her legs burned with exertion as she raced closely behind Ted, who was running at full tilt as well as trying to find a place for them to escape to. She didn't dare look behind her. She couldn't afford to panic even further.
Suddenly she was flung to the side, crashing painfully to the side of a building. She managed to glimpse the creature swiping Ted into a building on the opposite side of the street with a hard flick of its limb. Despite the pain she felt, she scrambled to her feet, panting. Ted, she noted with relief, sprang to his feet as well. The creature stood between them. She had no way of getting to Ted. The creature seemed to pause, eyeing out Ted, marking him as its next victim. Ted tried firing a few more rounds into it, but like before the rays didn't even scratch it. So energy weapons could not harm it. The creature slowly started advancing on Ted and he turned, sprinting away from it, leading it away from Rose. She quickly dug in her backpack and hauled out a long dagger. She unsheathed it and took off after the creature and Ted. She would not run away and leave him to his fate, no matter how scared she was.
She ran so fast and hard after them, the creature seemingly unaware that she was pursuing it. Ted was not fast enough and the creature swiped at him again, sending him careening into a pile of cement rubble. He groaned loudly and the creature reared up, bringing its leg down and piercing him in the abdomen with its sharp limb. Ted screamed and blood poured from his mouth, choking the scream from his throat.
Rose didn't even think about it. She jumped on its back, bringing the dagger down and piercing it in the back. The creature screamed and unearthly scream and Rose felt herself flung off its back, landing hard on a concrete slab, hitting her head painfully, hard enough to make her see stars. She blinked and the creature reared up in front of her. She scrabbled for her dagger and realised it was till embedded in its back. She scuttled back just as its pincer came down, narrowly missing her. She scrambled to her feet and was about to turn and run, but she wasn't fast enough. The creature's pincer pierced her shoulder and pinned her to a wall. She screamed in agony as it ground deeper, her mind unable to think of anything else but the pain. Its mouth opened wide, revealing rows of sharp teeth and it slowly came closer to her face.
Sheer terror ran through her and she screamed. Golden light suddenly burst from her. She couldn't control it. She was so scared and in so much pain that all she could think of was to make it stop.
The pain reached and excruciating crescendo and blackness enveloped her.
It had been five years since the Doctor left them on that beach. The human Doctor and Rose travelled extensively, both for work and pleasure. It was almost like they didn't want to settle down in one spot too long lest memories of the past came to haunt them. They had both accepted that children would not be an option for them, either biological or adopted. Their way of life did not have any room for a child. So they accepted and contented themselves with each other and traversing the world and discovering new mysteries and wonders.
But she knew that the Doctor was withholding a secret from her. She had felt it from that devastating day that she had lost the baby and she highly suspected that it was the result of the tests he had run on her. She should have demanded to know, but a large part of her didn't want to know. But if she was completely honest with herself, she already knew. She just didn't want to face the truth. The truth of what she had become. Because deep down she knew that she had changed. And that scared her. So she chose not to face it, but ignore it hoping that it would go away.
They returned home late one night from a mission in Peru. It was summer and the night air hung heavy with humidity. Rose opened up their bedroom window, willing a cool breeze to blow through. She swore to look into air conditioning as soon as she had time.
She showered and changed into a strappy nightie. She walked into their bedroom and found the Doctor casually laying on the bed, his hands clasped behind his head, his ankles crossed. He wore cotton pajama bottoms and nothing else. She briefly admired the view and went to join him, careful to keep a little distance as it was too muggy for any cuddling. He reached out and clasped her hand, rubbing his thumb soothingly over the back of her hand.
"There's something I need to tell you," he said slowly, continuing to stare at the ceiling.
"I don't want to know."
He turned his head and looked deep into her eyes. "Why not."
She lay there silently, staring into the depths of his eyes. Love and concern and infinite knowledge swirled in those brown orbs and she could no longer face the rawness of it all. She got out of bed and went to stand by the window, staring out into the blackness of the night. She felt the Doctor come and stand behind her and he wrapped his arms around her waist. He rested his chin on her shoulder.
"How long have you known?" he asked softly.
"Haven't exactly known but I've suspected since we lost…the baby, that I've changed. That I'm not entirely human. And that scares me."
"Do you know to what extent that you've changed?"
She shook her head slightly. "No. And I don't want to know."
"Why?" he whispered, his breath ghosting along her neck, making her shiver slightly, though not in arousal.
She turned in his arms and wrapped her arms around his neck in an embrace. "Because," she said, her voice muffled in his neck, "I love what we have now and I don't want to find out that I'm going to lose it all. The Curse, as you called it."
She felt his arms tighten around her slightly. His words from when he was a full Time Lord echoing around them. The curse of the Time Lords. The curse of watching someone you love wither and die. He knew exactly what she was referring to. He pinched his eyes closed, and breathed in deeply. He slowly opened his eyes and her fears were confirmed in the depths of those ancient eyes, eyes that had seen and experienced so much, and had lost so much.
"Okay," he said softly and bent down to kiss her tenderly, pouring all his love into that kiss, which she returned eagerly. Both were trying to forget the truth, and quiet their fears in each other. And for now it would be enough. It had to be.
Rose's eyes fluttered opened. Exhaustion overwhelmed her and she had to fight to stay awake. Where was she? She turned her head slowly, a headache pounding with the movement. She groaned and closed her eyes momentarily.
"Oh good. You're finally awake," a cheerful, yet unfamiliar voice greeted her.
Her eyes snapped open and she was staring at a good looking man with shaggy blonde hair and twinkling blue eyes. He grinned at her, showing off a set of brilliant white teeth. She frowned at him, trying to figure out who he was.
"Thought I had lost you there for a moment. That creature sure was a beast."
"Ted?" she croaked.
His grin widened and he nodded eagerly. She peered down at his tattered armor, the hole a reminder of where he had been impaled by the monster.
"You regenerated," she offered lamely.
"Yeah. Do I look ok? Haven't had a chance to have a good look at myself."
She grinned despite the headache pounding in her head and winced. He seemed to know what was wrong and handed her a glass of water and a blue pill that had been on her bedside table. She swallowed the pill and water greedily, her headache immediately receding. She looked around. She seemed to be a hospital ward, but she was the only occupant in the sterile white room.
"Where am I?" she asked.
"The Citadel. The Medic Bay. Sometimes we need to bring in others that are not Time Lords and have been gravely injured in the war. This is where they are treated."
She nodded. "What happened? What was that thing?"
His face became serious. "That…that was an experiment, a creature of war created by the Daleks. Not the first time they have created monstrosities and mutants."
"So what happened? How did we get back here?"
"I teleported us back and carried you back here. After you disintegrated that thing."
Her eyes widened as the memory came back, the burst of golden light the last thing she remember. Suddenly she gasped and clutched his hand. "Did I hurt you? Did you regenerate because of me?"
He patted her hand and shook his head. "Nah. That creature gave me the mortal wound. When it turned its attention on you I started regenerating. After you were done with it there was nothing but a pile of ashes and you passed out."
She sighed, relieved. She rested her head back against the pillow, feeling exhaustion sweep over her. "That's good. I was worried that I had hurt you. It's hard to control the power."
Before he could open his mouth to reply an angry shouting reverberated around the room, coming from behind the door that led to the room she was in. She cringed as she recognised the voice and only had time to shoot Ted an apologetic look before the door crashed open and the Doctor strode in, The Oncoming Storm, followed closely by Romana. She wore a mask of calm and poise, undeterred by the Doctor and his wrath. He was by her side in a matter of seconds, his face stony and anger vibrating off of him.
She gave him a sheepish grin. "Hello."
He sighed tiredly and cupped her face in his calloused hands, resting his forehead against hers. "I thought I had lost you," he murmured.
She placed her hands softly on his own that were cupping her face, closing her eyes and breathing in the scent of him. He smelled of dust, blood and Time. That was the only way to describe it. "Take a lot more than that to get rid of me."
She was trying to lighten the mood, but when she opened her eyes his own were looking back at her stonily. He kissed her softly on the lips and then pulled gently away from her. In a flash he rounded on Romana. "What the hell were you thinking?"
"It was an uninhabited planet. I thought it would do her some good to get out there and do something," she said calmly.
He stalked up to her, his voice deathly calm. It was the calmness that was so chilling. Rose would have preferred it if he had been shouting. "You and I both know how dangerous it is out there. I trusted you to keep her safe and you broke your promise."
Rose climbed out of bed and placed a hand on the Doctor's arm. He never tore his gaze from Romana. "Doctor, it wasn't her fault. Like she said, it was uninhabited and I had Ted for protection. I had to do something. I'm going mad being cooped up and being absolutely useless! Blame me if you want, but don't blame Romana. Don't."
He closed his eyes tightly and pinched the bridge of his nose, breathing in deeply. She could tell he was absolutely livid and he wanted to vent out on someone. Finally he opened his eyes and swiftly scooped her up in his arms, marching out the room. "You're staying with me from now on."
She struggled in his arms. "You're not locking me away in the Tardis. I won't allow it!" she shouted.
"Oh, you won't, will you?" he asked sarcastically.
She gave up the struggle. His arms were like iron bars wrapped protectively around her. "Please, Doctor. I have to do something, anything, to help. Sitting by and doing nothing is not my thing. Put yourself in my place. You would go absolutely mad being caged in."
He ignored her and marched down the hallway, taking turns and going through doors until he entered Romana's office, where his Tardis stood tall and proud. He placed her down and unlocked the door, holding it open for her. She huffed and entered, closing her eyes at the warm welcome the Tardis gave her, humming merrily in her mind. She patted the wall. "Good to see you again, old girl."
She opened her eyes and rounded on the Doctor, preparing to have a shouting match with him, but he was calmly leaning against the console, his arms and ankles crossed, looking at her with a soft smile on his face. "She missed you."
Despite her irritation, she smiled back. "I missed her too."
After a pause, he added. "I missed you."
She smiled softly and walked up to him, letting him envelope her in his strong arms. Finally she pulled away and looked up at him. "I'm sorry. I honestly didn't expect to run into the trouble that we did."
He sighed wearily. "Let's make a deal. You come with me and we fight together. I can't tell you how distracting it was trying to fight and my mind was constantly on you. At least now you'll be in my sights."
She thought about his proposition. "Only on one condition."
He raised an eyebrow. "Which is?"
"You stop treating me like a porcelain doll."
"I have to. You're only human."
She shook her head defiantly and lowered her top to show him her shoulder. "This is where that creature impaled me. Look at it. Not even a mark. I heal fast, faster than a Time Lord."
He winced. "That may be, but you can still die."
"We don't know that for sure."
"And you're willing to risk everything to find out?"
She shook her head again. "No, Doctor. But I am stronger than you think."
He studied her face for a long while. Finally he nodded in agreement. "I'll try, but I'm not making a promise I can't keep."
She sighed. "Fine. I'll take it."
"Good." He went to the console and started turning knobs and pulling levers."
"Wait! Aren't you going to let Romana know where we're going?"
"Oh, I already let her know my full intentions when I came here." His tone was dark and she thought back to the shouting she had heard when she had been in the Medic Bay.
"Doctor," she said softly, "please don't be angry at her. It wasn't her fault."
He stalked up to her, his eyes ablaze. "Yes, it is. I entrusted her to keep you safe and she failed."
"No, I had the choice and I took it. Be angry with me, but not with her."
"Do you want me to be angry with you?"
"No, not really. But I really don't want you to be angry with her either."
"Fine. I'll have a more civilized chat with her later."
She nodded. "Thank-you."
His face softened and he cupped her face again. Then he leaned in and placed an almost chaste kiss on her lips. He went to pull back but she wrapped her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. She hadn't seen him in more than three years and her body yearned for him. He made a pleased noise in the back of his throat and wrapped his arms around her waist, matching her ardor.
The kiss turned into something more animalistic and Rose found herself being roughly pushed against the door, her hands held above her head, held firmly but the Doctor's one hand. He was flush against her, and he trailed kisses down her neck, his other hand ghosting her breast. She moaned and arched into him.
A firm knocking on the door right behind her startled them and the Doctor groaned in exasperation. "What now?" he bellowed, making Rose giggle. He was still pressed firmly against her, his arousal evident. He shot her a grin and reluctantly let go of her hands and stepped back. He ran a hand through his hair. "Every bloody time. I swear the universe is conspiring against me."
"Doctor?" Romana called from the other side.
Rose stepped away from the door, smoothing down her hair. She looked down at her tattered clothing. She would need a good bath and new clothes. "Talk to her. I'm going to get cleaned up. And be nice," she warned playfully as she stepped out of the room to go and find her room. She heard the Doctor open the door and say, "Romana, for a Time Lady, you sure have atrocious timing."
She grinned to herself. At least he wasn't as angry as before. Maybe frustrated, but no longer angry.
Freshly showered and in clean clothes, Rose made her way to the console room. "Where are we?" she asked the Doctor, whom she found sitting in his armchair by the bookshelf.
He extended his hand and when she took it he pulled her onto his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he nuzzled lazily at her neck. This was a new form of affection, one that caught her a bit off guard.
"Miss me?" she teased.
"More than you know."
She blinked in surprise at his openness and honesty. The Doctor, well the older Doctor, kept his heart and emotions well guarded. He would have made a flippant remark or have quickly changed the subject. But this younger version of him was nothing like that. She peered into his eyes and leaned down to kiss him tenderly. His hand that had been resting on her waist ghosted down to her upper thigh, making her gasp into his mouth. She pulled back and searched his face, wanting to know where this was going? Were they finally going to cross the line? Was he willing to take that final step?
She caressed the side of his cheek, the stubble prickly against her palm, and he closed his eyes in contentment and leaned into her touch. "I missed you, too," she whispered.
He slowly opened his eyes and stared at her. She saw thoughts flickering through his eyes. He was having the same internal struggle as she was. But it was with disappointment that she saw him pull up those walls again and slowly disentangle himself from her. He stood and looked at her for a moment before he said, "I think it would be best if I get some rest. Afterwards we can go look into something that Romana asked me to take a look at."
She nodded mutely and watched him leave the console room. She shouldn't have been surprised. He always got scared and ran when things became too emotionally complicated. But knowing that didn't hurt the sting and ache in her chest. She really had been hoping that he would be brave and take the plunge.
She blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall and made her way to her room. She still felt exhausted from her run-in with that creature and having to use her powers. And now she felt emotionally rung out. Maybe everything would be better after a few hours of sleep.
Rose awoke abruptly. The room was dark and she couldn't see a thing. But something had awoken her.
"It's only me," the Doctor said quietly.
"What's wrong?" she asked groggily.
He was silent for a while and she wondered if he was going to answer. "I…I was wondering if I could join you?"
She blinked, still unable to see his silhouette. But she was too tired to ask questions and if truth be told, she really wanted to be held by him. She pulled back the comforter on the other side of the bed and patted it clumsily, a silent invitation. She heard him let out a breath he was holding and he gracefully climbed in next to her. She rolled over, her back to him and without a word, he cuddled into her, spooning her. He let out a contented sigh and soon both he and Rose fell back into a deep sleep.
A few hours later she woke up, surprised to feel the Doctor's arm still wrapped tightly around her waist, his breathing deep and even against her neck. He must have been exhausted, to sleep this long. When was the last time he had gotten any shut-eye?
She wriggled a little and his arm tightened around her, pulling her even tighter up against him. Then she felt his nose nuzzle against her neck, breathing in her scent. She couldn't be sure if he was awake or asleep.
"Sleep well?" he asked huskily, his voice still heavy with sleep.
"Yeah. You?"
"I haven't slept this well since the last time we slept together," he replied and kissed her on the neck, his arm loosening around her waist. But instead of pulling away, he ran his hand over her stomach, which was now bare as her skimpy pajama top had ridden up. He traced lazy circles over her stomach, while still nuzzling at her neck. Rose could feel her pulse speeding up, anticipation vibrating through her. But his reaction earlier on wormed its way into her mind.
"Doctor."
"Mmmm," he murmured.
"You know you're giving me mixed signals, right?"
He froze. She rolled over in his arms and looked up at him. He was guardedly watching her.
"It's just, you're kissing me and feeling me up and making me think that you want more. But then you pull back, put up that wall and insist on distance. I can't play these games anymore, Doctor. It's not fair."
He didn't move, just kept staring at her with those guarded bedroom eyes of his. "What do you want from me?" she finally asked softly.
He swallowed hard. She knew that the Doctor did not deal well with direct confrontation. But she had to know where she stood, where all of this was going? She couldn't stand being toyed with any more. She knew that last thought was unfair. The Doctor was not like that. But he wasn't one to be direct and forthcoming either.
"Everything," he finally said so softly, that if she hadn't been listening she would not have heard it.
"But you won't allow yourself to cross that barrier." She said it with neither bitterness nor resentment. Just a simple statement.
"I can't," he replied, pushing himself out of bed. He was clad only in pajama bottoms. He ran his hand through his hair. "I want you, but I know it would be a very bad idea to so."
"Why?" she asked, sitting up in bed. She knew she shouldn't be pushing, that she should just leave it be. He just continued to stare at her, his face worn and haggard.
She swallowed. He had his reason, some of which he had voiced three years ago. But things had changed. But she knew she couldn't force him into doing something that scared him. She climbed out of bed and walked over to him and took his one hand in her own. "I'm sorry," she said softly.
He frowned, confused. "For what?"
"Trying to push you. I should know better. Let's just leave it be, okay?"
He didn't seem to believe her, if the look in his eye was anything to go by. She continued, "I love you Doctor. I don't expect you to say it back. And I'm fine with that. This is how you are, always have been. But can I ask one thing?"
"Which is?" he asked cautiously.
"Can we still continue making out? It's kinda fun," she said grinning, poking her tongue out.
He barked out a laughter, all tension leaving him. She had offered him a way out. They both knew it. They both knew how they felt about each other, but it was unchartered territory. A scary path the Doctor was unwilling to travel down. So she would take his hand and travel down the path he chose for them. It would be enough. It had to be.
"So what did Romana want you to do?" she asked. They had gotten dressed and had headed to the console room.
"You remember that creature you encountered?"
"How could I forget?" she asked sarcastically.
"What do you know about it?"
"Only what Ted told me. That it was an experiment made by the Daleks."
The Doctor nodded in affirmation. "The Daleks have been busy. They created the Skaro Degradation, a smaller version of themselves but with three metallic legs. They are highly unpredictable and volatile and even more vicious that Daleks."
"Didn't think anything could be more vicious than a Dalek," she muttered.
"You would think so. But Daleks believe in the extermination of anything that is not Dalek. They simply exterminate. Torture is not their way."
Rose blinked. The Doctor had a point. A very valid point. "And these Skaro Degradation, do they torture?"
"No, they are still Dalek in nature. But I have come across many monsters, even more so in this war, that take great pleasure in torture."
Rose felt a little sick but she nodded her understanding. The Doctor continued, either choosing to ignore her discomfort or not noticing it at all. Like any war, soldiers are hardened by what they see and experience. "Now they have created another monstrosity, with the help of the Deathsmiths of Goth."
"Deathsmiths of Goth?"
"Would you believe me if I told you they are scarier than Daleks?" he asked ruefully, though his face was totally serious ad devoid of any humor.
"Maybe."
"They are expert weapon designers, creating some of the most devastating weapons ever known."
"Like?" She couldn't help but ask, even though she didn't really want to know the answer.
"Most recently they invented the Apocalypse Device."
"Bad as it sounds?" she queried, biting her thumb nail.
"Yes. But it went out of control and started killing them off. So in order to contain it, they had to destroy all the spaceships on their planet Goth, leaving the Apocalypse Device stranded on it among the ruins."
"So what happened to them if they had to evacuate their planet?"
"I really wish they had all been wiped out. They are a dangerous race. But a few survived and these survivors are helping the Daleks. There's speculation that they helped the Daleks create the Nightmare Child."
"The what now?" Rose asked incredulously. She suddenly realised how uneducated she was in this war. She knew absolutely nothing about what was happening out there. She should have grilled Romana, but the President kept tight-lipped about the subject, only giving Rose updates about the Doctor's whereabouts and well-being. But hearing it now from the Doctor, she suddenly realised how much they had both sheltered her. And she didn't like it. Starting from now, she resolved to fight by his side, doing what she could to help. Her time of training was over. Now it was time to be a soldier.
"The Nightmare Child. A creature that can manipulate one's deepest and darkest fears telepathically and turn a strong person mad in seconds. Imagine living your worst fear, thinking it was real, and unable to fight it because you're so terrified you're practically immobilized by fear." The Doctor shook his head, his gaze narrowed at the monitor as he talked.
Rose shuddered. The implications were terrifying, to say the least. She tried not to think about going mad from the fear. "And Romana wants us to destroy it?"
"If we can," he conceded.
"Any ideas on how?" she asked hopefully.
He turned and grinned, though it never reached his eyes. "Not a clue."
She groaned. "It's never simple."
"Nothing in this War ever is," he mused.
"How bad is it?" she asked. "Romana never really told me anything, just letting me know every now and then that you were okay."
His eyes took on a haunted look, but he quickly shook his head. "Bad," was all he said.
She closed the distance between them and grabbed his hand. "Together."
He nodded once. "Together."