Blood. A life's worth of blood. I can feel it, pulsing through me, pounding in my ears. I can see it, pooling around me, tokens of the torture I've received here, at His hands. Many lives worth have been spilt and yet…I am numb.
All I have is the blood. The blood and my thoughts. Mainly, I think of you. Of how you are, how we were, how we could be. And when I'm not thinking of you I think of the one I left behind. How he is, how he felt when I left…how he'll feel when I get back. I consider the possibility that he wont be there when I get back, that no one will. And it hurts.
I left without saying goodbye. I didn't think that much of it, at the time, but now I might never see him again. I had a job, an important job, and a family. Sort of. As close to a family as I've had in a long time. And I never said goodbye.
He has the sweetest smile. And the cutest laugh you've ever heard. And you? You have darkness. You have a smile to hide the pain and a laugh that holds no humour. Not anymore. You don't love me, you've never loved me and yet…I still chose you. Only, at the time, I wasn't aware of such a choice. You were everything that mattered.
Down here what gets me the most is the loneliness. I'd give anything, anything, for someone to hold onto. It's cold and empty here, the only people I see are hidden by masks and bring only pain.
I want what I used to have. I want to be able to reach out and find a hand to hold, a warmth to reach for. I want contact again.
I want to confide in someone. I want to tell them what I'm going through, I want to be reassured. I want someone to wrap their arms around me and tell me it'll all be ok, even though I know it to be a lie.
I want someone to be here for me, by my side, to make the pain go away. I want to lie in someone's embrace and not have to feel the weight of a world I failed to protect.
And whilst ordinarily there would be no contest, right now I can't picture whose face I want to see. Because what I see is a confused mixture, two separate images that I can't pick one from.
In front of me I see two faces. You. And him.