Title: Can't Start A Fire (Without a Spark)
Author: Fatebegins (http:/ fatebegins .livejournal .com/)
Rating: NC-17 / M
Pairing: Puck/Kurt (Purt/Puckurt). Characters: Ryan Atwood, Mike Chang, Finn Hudson, Mercedes Jones, Quinn Fabray..many more.
Summary: Puck is a firefighter and saves Kurt from a burning building, he's instantly drawn to the soprano and knows that somehow, someway, he's going to make him his "wife".
Disclaimer: No Glee don't belong to me or to fatebegins, this history is not mine! But I have permission to post it here! (The original post: http:/ fatebegins .livejournal .com/16424 .html)
Warning: AU, MPREG.
Review? Please? *puppy eyes*
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Nothing fits!" Kurt cried, flopping down on the bed, his feet dangling off the edge wildly. He sucked his breath in and tried once more to get the zipper of his pants done up. "Are you sure you haven't been shrinking my clothes in the wash? I told you they needed to be dry cleaned, handled with care, but no, you insist on budgeting!" He spat out the last word with distaste.
Puck grinned, his eyes shifting momentarily from the television to Kurt's flushed face. "You're almost five months Kurt, you couldn't have thought you'd squeeze through your entire pregnancy without buying maternity jeans." Kurt scowled, winded from his efforts. "Did you?"
"I hate you." He sat up angrily, folding his arms across his chest. "Maybe I should just call my dad right now and tell him you knocked me up!"
"Unless you want to be widowed before you even make it to the alter, I suggest you not do that." Puck got up and went over to the bureau. He rifled through the drawers until he came across a pair of Kurt's black yoga pants. "Here."
If possible Kurt's expression turned darker. "So I'm going to be the typical fat ass pregnant man who has to stuff his fat ass into stretch pants? I'd rather die!" He exclaimed dramatically, throwing his arms wide.
"You wore these all the time; before you were pregnant I might add."
"Because I know you liked how my butt looked in them!" Kurt lifted himself up on to one elbow. "Now, I don't want to wear them. I want to wear my Escada jeans with the Swarovski crystals!"
"You're ass looks good, fat or not." Uh-oh - wrong thing to say.
"Now I'm fat! Unbelievable!" Kurt cried, "I am not fat, I'm pregnant! And whose fault is that, jar head? Who couldn't assemble a suitable amount of brain cells to remember to use protection?"
"Baby," Puck crawled on top of Kurt, careful to brace his weight on his legs. "I know you're worried about Ryan, but no matter how long you take to get dressed we're still going to have to be at the doctor's office at two and the diagnosis is not going to change no matter what time we get there."
"That is not what this is about." Kurt kept his head firmly to the left, refusing to make eye contact. "This is about you impregnating me and making fun of my fat ass!"
Puck turned Kurt's head to face him, despite Kurt's initial resistance. "We have to go, Kurt."
Kurt took a shuddering breath, tears leaking out of his luminous eyes to trail into his hair. "You've seen him, Noah." His voice was soft. "He's so thin and frail. Most of the time he doesn't even have enough strength to hold RJ - whatever the doctor has to say, I know it won't be good."
"So you want to hide out in here?"
"No. Yes. I don't know. I just know I don't want to hear the doctor say it." He shut his eyes. "If I hear it then it will be real and I don't want to know."
"What happened to not giving up hope, Kurt?"
"Do you know yesterday, RJ was crying in his high chair. Seth and I were cooking, so Ryan got up to get him." Kurt shivered. "If I hadn't come up behind him, he would've dropped him, right on the tiled floor, Noah! His face…he looked so anguished and horrified and I didn't know what to say. Imagine not having the strength to hold your baby." Kurt's hand moved up to his little mound of a belly, rubbing absently. "I can't go…"
"Imagine going to a doctor's appointment that will literally tell you whether you'll live to see you son's first steps or whether you need to pick out a casket and get your affairs in order." Puck didn't want to be cruel but Kurt had to understand how important it was to be there for Ryan at this moment. "Ryan has always been there for you, in your toughest times. Don't you think it's time you return the favor?" Kurt went still under him and then nodded slowly. "So, yoga pants?"
Kurt took the garment and slid the pants on as soon as Puck climbed off of him. "I know I'm being selfish and I'm sorry but I'm just scared." He wiped at his eyes wearily. "Seems like all I ever do is cry, huh?"
"It's okay to be scared." Puck kissed his forehead. "But it's not okay to hide." He stood up and extended his hand to a now fully dressed Kurt, "Let's go."
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Seth pushed the door open, precariously balancing a wriggling RJ on one hip and a breakfast tray in another. Ryan was awake, smiling weakly as he came in, still dressed in a white undershirt and the blue sweats he slept in. It was physically painful for Seth to see the way his bones stuck out prominently. His blue eyes seemed so big now that all of his hair was gone. Ryan's hair hadn't fallen out with the chemo instead it had shed gradually until it lay in several thin clumps around his head. They'd decided to shave it all off.
"Morning, Dad!" Seth forced a cheerfulness he didn't feel into his voice. RJ immediately held out his chubby arms to Ryan as soon as Seth handed the other man his breakfast tray. The little boy had grown so attached to his dad, being that they kept roughly the same hours, the chemo making Ryan too weak to stay awake most days and too drained to move on others.
"Morning," His voice was hoarse but not with sleep. He had spent the better part of the night vomiting and being racked with dry heaves. "This looks delicious!" He exaggerated his voice for RJ's benefit and the baby gazed up at him thrilled, his mouth open to proudly display his four teeth.
It wasn't long until his chubby fingers made a grab for Ryan's strawberry toast. Seth pulled him back. "No, that's for Dad, RJ, you had your breakfast."
"I can't blame the kid, I've seen that mashed up horror he has to eat." Ryan made a face. "If I were him I'd be looking to score some decent food too." He broke off half his toast and held it out to a delighted RJ. Seth batted the offering away, pushing Ryan's hand back toward his plate.
"Eat." Seth said quietly, trying to distract the baby. Ryan had been eating less and less as the days went by. "Today is important…for all of us. I want you to keep your strength up."
"Did you speak to Kurt?"
Seth nodded. "He said he and Noah would be there on time."
"I can't believe they've gone this long without telling Burt. He's going to go ballistic when he finds out."
"At least they're engaged." Seth defended. "That's something."
"Yeah, that's good." Ryan smiled faintly. "I haven't seen them much these days. How is Kurt? The pregnancy not wearing him out?"
"He's doing great, he's actually showing now! He's bigger than I was at four and a half months."
Seth declined to mention that Kurt had been over quite frequently, passing by after work and picking things up to bring back to Noah's apartment. Ryan had slept through almost every visit.
"You know," Ryan's smile dimmed. "I never asked you how it was when you were pregnant with RJ."
Seth bounced the baby on his lap. "It was alright. I didn't have any of the morning sickness or dizzy spells Kurt has. It was all mostly smooth sailing for me." Seth wrinkled his nose. "But I did develop a huge addiction to McDonalds egg McMuffins." He tickled RJ's tummy. "Probably because this guy was such a porker."
"Were you…" Ryan moistened his lips. "Do you think you would have ever told me about him, if I hadn't shown up that day?'
"Honestly, I'm not sure." Seth bit his lip. "I keep telling myself that I would have. I mean, the whole reason why I was in New York was because I was trying to decide whether or not to tell you."
"What about the panel?"
"That was cancelled ages ago, Dan just kept hoping he'd convince me to actually do it." Seth looked at him earnestly. "I wanted to tell you though but when I kept remembering, seeing you with that guy…" He gulped. The memory still hurt him badly, even now that he knew walking into their apartment and seeing Ryan in bed with another man had been staged.
"I'm sorry." Ryan said.
Seth nodded distractedly, he didn't want to hear apologies. "I never asked before, but… who was he?"
"A friend of mine at the firm," Ryan swallowed with difficulty, washing down the small bite of toast with orange juice while Seth watched. "I told him that I needed to break up with someone but didn't know how. We came up with that between us."
"Right." Seth looked away, barely aware of RJ's fingers tugging at his hair painfully.
Ryan sat up slowly and put a hand against his arm. Seth flinched at the touch. "I'm sorry Seth, if I've never said I was, I am. I should have never put you through that despite what I was feeling. I should have talked to you."
The younger man made a choked sound of agreement, nestling himself against Ryan's side, the baby between them. "Just hurry up and get better so I can kick your ass properly."
"Now there's incentive." Ryan laughed and then broke off in a fit of coughs.
Seth pulled away, reluctantly taking away the barely touched tray at Ryan's request. He knew it couldn't be helped, that the chemotherapy stole away his appetite and made him throw up whatever Ryan forced himself to eat, but it still pained him. Felt like a personal rejection when he saw RJ slobbering happily on the toast, jam smeared across his chubby cheeks.
"Do you want me to take him downstairs with me?" Seth asked.
Ryan shook his head, his eyes never leaving his son and for a moment Seth was hit with a bolt of jealousy. He did want them to be together , as a family but a small part of him, an angry and selfish part of him thought that if this was really it, the final days of Ryan's life, he wanted them all to himself.
"Appointment's in an hour." Seth reminded on his way to the door. "I'll be back to help you get ready."
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The doctor's office was cold and sterile. Despite the designer's best attempts at making the room seem warm and inviting, the neutral color ones did nothing to disguise the lingering smell of antiseptic in the air. Kurt fidgeted in the padded chair watching every second tic by slowly on the clock until Puck squeezed his arm reassuringly.
They were all lined up, Seth, Ryan, Noah and himself, seated in identical chairs in front of Dr. Vanderbilt's desk. Seth was staring ahead blankly, his brown gaze seemingly fixed on a spot on the wall just past the doctor's bent head. Ryan was staring at his lap, looking at his and Seth's entwined fingers atop his legs.
Kurt was grateful that RJ was asleep. For some reason, he didn't think Ryan would want him to be awake if the news came back negatively. It was irrational to others, but Kurt could look at his brother and understand the reasons why.
The doctor cleared his throat and four heads snapped to attention.
"Alright, Ryan, going over your most recent blood work and looking at your marrow cell count, I would say, and this is all preliminary evaluation, you understand that of course. But," The doctor smiled. "There appears to be no cancerous cells active. You're in remission."
Kurt felt like he was hearing every word the doctor was saying as if he were under water. The blood rushing in his head slowed down the moment and heightened the fear, but through it all, through the confusion and apprehension he heard the word 'remission'. He saw Ryan's head jerk back with surprise, heard the choked happiness of Seth's voice before he turned to squeeze Ryan in a tight hug.
"If there's no activity for five years, usually after a second episode, that means you're likely to survive well after middle age." Doctor Vanderbilt added. But no one was listening. Kurt was too busy hugging Ryan, despite Seth already having him wrapped in his arms. All three of them were crying while Puck looked on with a wide grin covering his face. Finally, when Kurt stepped back and Seth reached for tissues, Puck clapped Ryan on the back heartily.
"Thank you so much, Doctor." Ryan began, "I don't even have the words…"
"We did this, Ryan, I didn't do anything on my own. You're the one who fought this and won." The doctor closed his clipboard. "Though I'd love to say we'll never have to see each other in this office again, I can't. You still have follow up. I want you back here at least once every two weeks to start with." He grinned. "You got that?
"He will definitely be back here." Seth nodded furiously, answering before Ryan even had the chance. "Trust me."
Vanderbilt smiled kindly. "I guess I'll leave you all to it then." He headed for the door. "Stay as long as you like, I know this is an overwhelming moment for everyone involved."
RJ chose that moment to wake up, crying furiously at the cheers that had awoken him. Seth wiped his eyes and reached for his baby, taking him out of the stroller and pressing him against his chest, until his sobs ceased. RJ looked around curiously, brightening when he saw his Dad next to him and gave a toothy smile. Ryan enfolded them both in a reverent embrace.
Kurt watched misty-eyed, Puck's arms around him comfortingly as the little family embraced. They deserved to be happy, Kurt thought, and now they would get the chance to be. His phone vibrated in his pocket and Kurt jumped answering it hurriedly.
"What in the Sam Hill happened to Ryan's phone?" Burt's voice demanded angrily. "I've been calling that boy for the past twenty minutes."
"Sorry Dad!" Kurt struggled not to laugh. He just felt giddy with happiness. In all the elation they'd forgotten to call Burt. His dad knew that Ryan would get his results today and by the sound of it was chomping at the bit to know what the prognosis was.
"Well?"
"Listen to this and tell me what you think the results were." Kurt held the phone out to Ryan and signaled for everyone to cheer. They all gave a resounding whoop and Kurt could hear the emotional laughter from the other end of the phone even though it wasn't pressed to his ear. He brought the phone back to him.
"Then he's all fixed up?"
"He's going to be just fine Dad." Kurt grinned, letting Ryan steal the phone away.
"Maybe we should let him know I knocked his baby boy up." Puck suggested, his hand covering Kurt's belly. "Chances are he's so happy, he won't kill me."
"My dad will have to accept I'm not a child anymore." Kurt snickered. "Besides, this is Ryan's moment. I just want us all to be happy." Ryan was still gaunt but his eyes sparkled and Kurt knew it would only be a matter of time before he put on weight and was back physically to how he was before. Seth also looked different. He looked light hearted, like an invisible burden had been lifted from his shoulders. Kurt saw the absence of lines on his face and saw, for the first time, how much Ryan's illness had affected Seth. The younger man had been the one with his brother day to day this time and he had borne the weight of uncertainty and fear. Kurt watched Ryan and Seth kiss and beamed, leaning back into Puck. That was what happy looked like.
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