Chapter 11

(Katniss)

Her tears eventually slowed and then stopped in the early hours of the morning. She was still upset; she only suspected she had run out of tears to cry.

Glancing at Peeta, she felt a strange surge of protectiveness wash over her as he lay there on the kitchen table, numb and drugged unconscious. She gulped bravely before removing the cloths covering his stitches and tossing them in the still-hot basin next to the sink. The blue cord her mother had used to sew up his gashes made a sickening, crisscrossed pattern from the back of his neck all the way down to his tailbone. The skin was still red and angry, almost purple in some areas. She carefully placed freshly soaked herbal bandages on the marks before setting some water to boil for some tea. She was far from ready for sleep yet; she could already sense how horrible her nightmares would be after the scene she'd witnessed that day. So, she took her mug of tea and sat down at the end of the table next to Peeta's face.

His cheek was resting on a stack of folded up rags, his mouth slack and his breaths finally at normal rate. He looked drugged but…peaceful.

Leave it to the golden boy to look like an angel after getting twenty lashes, she thought. In school Peeta's nickname with his friends was 'golden boy'. She'd heard his friends teasing him playfully on more than one occasion for his talented words and smiles and way with teachers. Everyone seemed to love the baker's son. Her mind went to the cookies again. It would appear that he wanted a friendship with her or possibly even more.

But why?

I wish you were awake. Although probably even then I'd be too much of a chicken to talk to you. I don't have a way with words like you do, she thought.

Katniss sipped her tea and dared lean closer to him; closer than she'd ever been. He was unconscious so what would he care? Slowly, her eyes raked over his strong jaw, chapped lips, and long eyelashes. She could already see the traces of stubble on his jaw and chin. Had it really only been that morning when he'd opened the bakery door in the beautiful wool sweater, freshly showered and shaved? It seemed so long ago already.

A curiosity she was unable to quell rushed through her. She longed to understand the boy with the bread.

Katniss leaned further forward, sniffing his hair. Just as she'd expected: store bought soap and not the awful lye soap her mother made. The stuff was rough and itchy and didn't just leave one clean, it left them feeling they were tossing out half their skin along with the bathwater. No, Peeta smelled like the rich, creamy soap usually bought in town. She leaned back and sighed.

Suddenly, she had an idea. Standing up, she hurried to the coat rack and pulled the package of cookies from her jacket pocket. After carefully unwrapping the dainty pair of frosted treats, she set the pink one aside for Prim. Pink was her favorite color and her sister needed something pink and sugary to lift her spirits. She set the red cookie in her palm and eyed it reverently for a moment before breaking off the corner. Placing it frosting down on her tongue, she let the sugary substance melt for a moment before slowly chewing.

It was delicious.

"Wow," she muttered aloud. The sound of her own voice surprised her in the quiet little kitchen as she talked to no one. Her eyes slid over to Peeta's face and she smiled. Maybe…she could talk to him? Gulping her nervousness back, she popped another bite of cookie in her mouth and savored it.

"You sure can cook, you know that? If you even made these…but I'm sure you did," she added stupidly. Shaking her head at her own silliness, she continued.

"I bet you frosted them too. Your dad doesn't seem like he would be handy with frosting…no offense…and your mother…well….I just think you frosted these," she laughed softly. "I sat beside you in History of Panem when we were in year six. You always used to doodle things in your margins. I think you appreciate pretty things….that's why I think you frosted this. It's too pretty to be anyone else."

She sighed and cocked her head to the side to look at him. "You're really something else, you know that?"

Reaching her hand out, she brushed his hair back from his face and let her fingers linger on his jaw. "You saved my life today, Peeta Mellark. I'll owe you for that forever."

Feeling silly for talking to an unconscious man, she chewed her lip for a few moments before continuing. At least if she couldn't tell him while awake, she could tell him this now. "I…I remember the bread you tossed me. When I was starving, you fed me. When I was in trouble, you saved me. When am I ever going to stop owing you?"

She snorted sadly. "Never, I guess. I can answer my own question. You gave me food I'm sure you took a beating for and you sacrificed yourself to save me from a whipping that…I'm not sure I would have survived. You're so strong I….I can't imagine anyone else being that brave."

Leaning back, she popped several of the joints in her back and sighed. "I shouldn't have been so mean to you this morning. I didn't mean it though. I guess I'm just…I don't trust people. But even you'd have to admit that most people here aren't worth trusting. Except for Gale. And Prim. Prim couldn't hurt a fly. And I guess…I guess I should have trusted you, shouldn't I?"

Peeta's answer was a breathy snore.

She smiled and brushed her hand over his hair again. "I'll take that as a yes. I should have given you a chance to earn my trust instead of saying those things to you. You know I didn't mean it, right? I'm just…not good at this stuff. I'm not good with words…and feelings."

A distant memory floated into her mind from their eighth year of school. It was the most precious memory attached to Peeta that she had. Her chest tightened as another set of tears formed behind her lids.

"Remember when we had to write those poems about springtime? What it meant to us? I thought it was so ridiculous that we had to write about something like spring, but…you said something about a dandelion. I can't even remember what, but…you said something about the dandelion in the spring meaning that winter was over. You said something poetic and beautiful like you always do about how it was the first flower that seemed to bloom in the springtime. That stuck with me because…" she choked back a little sob, "because that winter you threw me the bread was the hardest thing I've lived through. I…I didn't think I'd make it. And after the bread thing, I….I saw one….a dandelion. Then I remembered what my dad taught me before he died and I knew…I just knew that we were gonna be okay. That meant so much to me Peeta. I wish I could tell you that. I wish you could hear me," she sniffed.

His hand twitched in hers, making her freeze.

What on earth?

She studied his body for any other signs of movement, suddenly terrified that he was waking up. However, he didn't twitch again. The only movement was of his back as it lightly rose and fell with his breaths.

Katniss sat back down on the stool and stared at his hands. Did she just imagine that? No. She couldn't have.

"Did you hear me?" she whispered, leaning closer. There was no movement from Peeta, so she took that as a no. She slowly took another bite of the cookie and savored the taste some more before looking at him again.

"What does this mean?" she asked shortly, holding the cookie in front of his face. "Does this mean you want more than friendship but…hopefully less than the slag heap?"

She chuckled at her own stupid question.

"I could be your friend Peeta…but I'm not sure about anything more than that. I put on this front to stay strong for Prim, but…I'm just a coward," she said softly. "I bet you'd have quite a laugh at me if you knew I was sitting here talking to you while you're passed out. But…you're a good listener."

She took the last bite of the sugary cookie and sighed. "I think I know what your delicious cookies meant, but….I'm not sure I can give you what you're asking. I'm…I'm afraid. I'm afraid because I'm worried to fall in love. That's stupid, isn't it? But I am I guess. You seem like an easy person to fall in love with and what if I did? I suppose that's the part that scares me. Then what if…." She trailed off, thinking of the way her mother used to look at her father before he died. It was like she was his air and he was her sun. They couldn't live without each other – the last few years of her mother's life proved that much.

"I'm not sure if I could survive the way she does. A shell. Just floating through everything. My dad dying ruined her."

She sighed softly, shaking her head as she pulled the hair fastener out of the end of her braid. Her wavy strands came unraveled, falling down her back in a comforting blanket. She leaned back on her stool and ran her fingers through her hair as she watched Peeta sleep. "How silly am I talking to a person that's unconscious? See? Maybe you wouldn't even want me Peeta."

Exhausted and emotionally drained, she let her head drop down onto the table beside his. Her eyes fell closed and she was soon asleep.

The sun was just starting to pour through the dirty glass windows of the kitchen when a rooster crowing nearby woke her. Opening her eyes, she realized she was staring into a set of blue, hazy pupils.

"Oh!"

She jerked her head up and gaped. Peeta was still laying stomach-down on the kitchen table, but his chin was resting upright. It looked like an uncomfortable angle to be in, but she could only realize that he was awake.

"Peeta?" she asked frantically. Her hands cupped his pale cheeks. "Are you alright? Are you in pain?"

His pupils dilated slowly as his head wobbled. "N-no…Katniss?"

"Yes?" she asked, panic still lacing her voice.

Peeta licked his parched lips and trembled slightly as he slowly blinked. He gave her a bewildered look.

"Am I dead?"

Some people were confused last chapter - Gale got the morphling from Madge. He asks Katniss about her in the 1st chapter (It's pretty brief - don't feel bad if you missed it) and that kinda hints that he's interested in her. More on that later, but don't feel bad if you didn't get it.

A lot of you wanted me to hurry up and have Peeta wake up - I'm trying guys. If his back has been basically ripped open to the bone in several places, I'm gonna guess he'd want to be a little out of it for a few days. Just bear with me - the romance and fluff and M rating is coming, ok? I PROMISE.

You are all lovely and I hope you are having a fantastic week! *muah*

Questions or comments? I'm on Twitter AND Tumblr. Don't be shy. I don't bite. Even when you ask me for an ETA on a chapter - I don't mind, lol. : )