1 **Note: The text in brackets are Xander's thoughts. You'll understand
when you get to the part.**
**Note the Second: Most of this chapter isn't meant to be funny. However, if you laugh all the way through it, we'll get over it in a couple of weeks. Oh yeah, this is for Christy who was holding her breath till we posted the next chapter. We admire her dedication. It's also for our insane friends.**
DISCLAIMER:
Shelley: (peering out from the pillow fort) Well, it looks relatively safe out there.
Kelley: But we can never be too sure, Shelley.
Shelley: I think it's safe to make a run for the fridge. We need our Cool Whip and Cookies .
Kelley: Yeah! A real woman's brain food!
Shelley: That is if we have any brains with after those aliens are through with us.
Kelley: Shelley, we still have to . . . you know . . .
Shelley: Oh God! Did I have class today?
Kelley: Well, yes. But I wasn't getting at that.
Shelley: Did I forget to change the kitty litter?
Kelley: You won't let us have a cat!
Shelley: Then why did I buy all this litter?
Kelley: (looking around nervously) Must be the aliens.
Shelley: Joss and Co. own Buffy. They're not ours. Horrible atrocities will be done to us if we try to steal them. We can't even use them to fight off the aliens.
Kelley: Where are Spike and Xander when you really need them?
2
3 Part XXX
Giles gasped in complete shock and fear. Anya just looked confused. She thought to herself 'Who are these people and why are Giles and Tara so scared?'
The first woman, a blonde, said, "This is going to be great fun! Don't you agree, Tara?"
Tara nervously looked away from the two women. She knew how powerful they were. She'd heard the Scoobies talk about them before.
Anya sighed, "Ok, what's going on? Who the hell are you? Why are we stuck in here?" She glared.
The other woman, a pretty brunette, spoke next. "She's going to ruin our party. Make her be quiet!"
Tara screamed, "No! I won't! Stay out of my head!"
The brunette pouted. The blonde stared at Anya with an evil smile on her face. Recognition flickered in her eyes. "Aren't you Anyanka? You used to be a vengeance demon."
Anya replied sarcastically, "Well, DUH! Too bad I can't practice any vengeance on you right now, blondie."
The brunette wailed. "Our plan isn't working right!"
Giles winced. Anya mumbled in frustration.
"Giles, who are they?"
Giles tried to clear his head. "I - I don't understand. You should be dead. Angel killed you." He began muttering to himself. "Who would have the power to bring a vampire back?"
"Only the most despicable of all creatures from any realm."
Anya gasped in terror. "You don't mean --?"
"Ethan!" Giles proclaimed.
"No, you dolt! Lawyers. Specifically Wolfram & Hart with offices spanning the globe; not to mention the seventh circle of Hell." Darla smiled ruefully.
Giles thought out loud. "Great, evil lawyers. Just what California needs."
During this time, the brunette made her way over to where Tara was sitting. Tara stared up at her, quaking in terror.
Drusilla's voice sounded threatening. "You've been sending whispers to your friends, little witch. But you whispered in a different ear. Your lover and the seer were deaf." Drusilla dissolves into a fit of giggles.
Darla asked, "What's so amusing, Drusilla? Please, share with the class."
"Her voice got into his dreams." Drusilla laughed even harder.
Darla was becoming impatient. "Who's dreams?"
Drusilla stopped laughing, only grinning now. "The boy with the face like a poem. I loved him so very much for a day. His dreams turned dark and his screams filled my head. It was such a beautiful sound. He makes beautiful screams.
Darla raised an eyebrow. "Right."
"My Spike will bring the boy with him. I want to hear him scream some more. I want them both to scream." She looked at Giles and Anya. "Your friends will die and then the party will go on forever."
Anya began laughing. "Ok, now she's crazy."
Darla rolled her eyes. "Drusilla, darling? Is Angel with them?"
Drusilla grinned evilly. "Yes! He's with the seer." She gasped. "No."
"What is it?" Darla inquired.
"The Slayer is with them. Death could not hold her. She walks among us again!"
Darla glared in anger. "The Slayer? Dammit! Why can't that bitch stay dead?"
"Why don't you?" Tara's nervous voice came from out of nowhere.
"Silence!" Darla slapped Tara. Tara fell to the ground.
*****
After several minutes of convincing, Dawn reluctantly agreed to stay with the Host. All the needed weapons were removed from the chest in Giles' living room. After a quick wisecrack and goodbye to Dawn, Xander started to follow everyone else out of Giles' house. Suddenly he was overcome with a wave of dizziness.
"Ah, man! Not again!"
The Host caught him before he cracked his head on the front step of Giles' house. None of his friends in front of him noticed.
"Hey, guys. You're forgetting something." He shifted Xander's weight. "And he's kind of heavy, so a little help would be nice."
Everyone turned around to see the Host supporting an unconscious Xander.
Cordelia moaned. "What now? Has Xander gone narcoleptic on us?"
"I didn't see him steal anything," Buffy replied.
Spike shook his head. "I'm not even dignifying that with a retort." He snorted. "So, did the whelp have another one of those vision thingies?" He helped the Host put Xander on the couch.
"Hello! Not a vision, no mind-numbing pain." Cordelia put her hands on her hips.
Willow asked nervously, "Well, then what happened? And how do we snap him out of it?"
"I wouldn't advise snapping him out of anything, doll. Whatever this is, it needs to run its course." The Host sighed.
Angel rolled his eyes. "Well, what do we do in the meantime? Twiddle our thumbs?"
"Great idea, Peaches! Why don't we knit mittens while we're at it and give them to orphans?"
Buffy kicked Spike. "Shut up, Spike, or I'll kick your pale ass all the way back to L.A."
Spike smiled. "Now there's the Slayer I know and lo - long to kill. Too bad I have a chip. Stupid bloody chip."
Angel glared at Spike for a moment, then picked up the conversation where he left off. "We can't just stand around here waiting. Let's go to the boiler room like we planned. Whatever's affecting Xander is most likely coming from there."
Willow frowned. "I don't know, Angel. We can't just leave him here."
Buffy touched Willow's arm. "It'll be ok, Willow. We'll leave the cell phone here. If anything happens, Dawn can call Angel's cell phone."
Cordelia looked at Angel indignantly. "Your cell phone is turned on, right?"
"Yes!"
Cordelia held out her hand. "Let me see."
Angel dug the cell phone out of his coat pocket and held it up for Cordelia's inspection. After a quick glance, she nodded in approval. "Don't break it! And don't use it as a weapon!"
"Oh, and don't forget your lunch money," Buffy added.
"And don't talk to strangers, mate," Spike said, stifling a laugh.
The Host grabbed Angel and kissed him on the forehead. "Now be a good boy and kill the baddies." He pushed Angel out the door.
Dawn chuckled. "Bye! Be back before dinner! It's meatloaf night." She waved as Angel stomped off to his car, thankful that vampires could not blush.
Cordelia followed Angel out the door, chuckling. Buffy and Spike helped the Host situate Xander on the couch better. Willow spread a blanket over him, leaned down, kissed his forehead, and walkd out of the house reluctantly. Buffy walked up to where Xander was lying.
"I feel kind of bad, just leaving him here. He hates it when we leave him out of the action."
"Well, how about you leave him some company, pet?"
Spike reached into his duster and pulled out Mr. Gordo. Buffy smiled at Spike and took the stuffed pig from him. She sat it under Xander's arm.
"Wake up soon, Xander." Buffy ruffled his hair.
"Don't worry, pet. He will."
Without a word, they take each others hand and walked out the door.
*****
Giles yelled, "Don't touch her you evil . . .thing!" He glared at Darla.
Anya whispered, "Was that the best you could come up with?"
Giles grinned. "Short notice." He looked over at Tara on the ground who was starting a spell.
*****
Xander's eyes popped open. He looked around. A strange feeling filled his head. He looked at his surroundings again, realizing he was no longer at Giles' house. He had no idea how he got to this room and suddenly felt the need to panic. He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. ['Great'] he thought. ['I can't even make a glib remark about this.'] He squinted his eyes. ['Am I hallucinating?'] Figures began to appear before his eyes. ['This is getting really wiggy.'] Soon, he began to hear sounds from the figures who had become all too clear.
He saw Giles looking in his direction. ['Can he see me?'] Xander waved. Giles did nothing. ['Nope. I've become Invisible Boy.'] Anya looked annoyed. ['Leave it to her to be more annoyed than scared. She can't make money or have sex right now.'] He rolled his eyes. Giles spoke to another person in the room. Xander didn't catch the phrase, but the tone caught his surprise. ['Funny, it sounded like a Giles voice, but his tone was bitter and smart ass like.'] He saw Anya whisper something to Giles who just shrugged.
It suddenly occurred to him that he could look at the others in the room. ['Oh my God.'] If his voice had worked, he would have screamed a girly scream. For once, he was glad to be mute. Still, seeing Darla, the one who killed Jesse, the sire of Dead Boy, the one Dead Boy killed years ago, gave him a major wiggins. ['I really hate that bitch!']
Giles threatened, "You do know, whatever you're planning won't work?"
Anya nodded. "Yeah, even if Buffy's not all there, and Spike doesn't want to kill Drusilla, Willow's a powerful witch, and Dead Boy can fight. At lease one person is going to kick your asses!"
Xander heard another voice, one that struck fear into his heart more than Darla ever could. He remembered when he had Amy cast that love spell that went totally awry, and Drusilla proclaimed her love for him. He shuddered.
"Voices are filling my head right now!"
Funny, Xander never realized how pretty Drusilla was. He shooks his head. ['She's a vampire! Vampires are bad! Well, most of them. Wait a second! Boiler room! No! This isn't the boiler room. Oh man, this is bad. How am I supposed to let Buffy know we are heading in the wrong direction if I'm stuck here like this? Dammit!']
Drusilla put her hand to her forehead. "Ooooh! Little witch, what wonderful thoughts!"
Xander still couldn't figure out where they were. The place seemed familiar, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. ['Ok, Xander, think!'] He really wished he could speak. His stupid jokes always comforted him.
Darla's attention was drawn to Tara. She saw the glow in Tara's hands.
Xander looked up just in time to see a pissed off, vamped out Darla heading in his direction. ['Oh, great. I'm gonna die now!']
Darla ran over and picked Tara up by the arm until her feet were off the ground.
Xander noticed Tara ['Tara?'] being lifted off the ground ['Oh God!'] by Darla. Suddenly, the voices in the room began to fade out, slowly. ['Oh no!']
The golden energy in Tara's hands abruptly disappeared.
Suddenly, everything went black.
*****
Xander screamed. He opened his eyes. He was lying on Giles' couch. He sat up quickly. "Guys! They're not in the boiler room!"
"They already left," the Host quietly replied.
"Dammit! We have to get to them now! Darla and Drusilla are there! They've got Giles and Anya . . . and Tara."
Dawn squeaked, "What? Drusilla? Oh God! She's gonna go after Spike again! We gotta do something!"
**Note the Second: Most of this chapter isn't meant to be funny. However, if you laugh all the way through it, we'll get over it in a couple of weeks. Oh yeah, this is for Christy who was holding her breath till we posted the next chapter. We admire her dedication. It's also for our insane friends.**
DISCLAIMER:
Shelley: (peering out from the pillow fort) Well, it looks relatively safe out there.
Kelley: But we can never be too sure, Shelley.
Shelley: I think it's safe to make a run for the fridge. We need our Cool Whip and Cookies .
Kelley: Yeah! A real woman's brain food!
Shelley: That is if we have any brains with after those aliens are through with us.
Kelley: Shelley, we still have to . . . you know . . .
Shelley: Oh God! Did I have class today?
Kelley: Well, yes. But I wasn't getting at that.
Shelley: Did I forget to change the kitty litter?
Kelley: You won't let us have a cat!
Shelley: Then why did I buy all this litter?
Kelley: (looking around nervously) Must be the aliens.
Shelley: Joss and Co. own Buffy. They're not ours. Horrible atrocities will be done to us if we try to steal them. We can't even use them to fight off the aliens.
Kelley: Where are Spike and Xander when you really need them?
2
3 Part XXX
Giles gasped in complete shock and fear. Anya just looked confused. She thought to herself 'Who are these people and why are Giles and Tara so scared?'
The first woman, a blonde, said, "This is going to be great fun! Don't you agree, Tara?"
Tara nervously looked away from the two women. She knew how powerful they were. She'd heard the Scoobies talk about them before.
Anya sighed, "Ok, what's going on? Who the hell are you? Why are we stuck in here?" She glared.
The other woman, a pretty brunette, spoke next. "She's going to ruin our party. Make her be quiet!"
Tara screamed, "No! I won't! Stay out of my head!"
The brunette pouted. The blonde stared at Anya with an evil smile on her face. Recognition flickered in her eyes. "Aren't you Anyanka? You used to be a vengeance demon."
Anya replied sarcastically, "Well, DUH! Too bad I can't practice any vengeance on you right now, blondie."
The brunette wailed. "Our plan isn't working right!"
Giles winced. Anya mumbled in frustration.
"Giles, who are they?"
Giles tried to clear his head. "I - I don't understand. You should be dead. Angel killed you." He began muttering to himself. "Who would have the power to bring a vampire back?"
"Only the most despicable of all creatures from any realm."
Anya gasped in terror. "You don't mean --?"
"Ethan!" Giles proclaimed.
"No, you dolt! Lawyers. Specifically Wolfram & Hart with offices spanning the globe; not to mention the seventh circle of Hell." Darla smiled ruefully.
Giles thought out loud. "Great, evil lawyers. Just what California needs."
During this time, the brunette made her way over to where Tara was sitting. Tara stared up at her, quaking in terror.
Drusilla's voice sounded threatening. "You've been sending whispers to your friends, little witch. But you whispered in a different ear. Your lover and the seer were deaf." Drusilla dissolves into a fit of giggles.
Darla asked, "What's so amusing, Drusilla? Please, share with the class."
"Her voice got into his dreams." Drusilla laughed even harder.
Darla was becoming impatient. "Who's dreams?"
Drusilla stopped laughing, only grinning now. "The boy with the face like a poem. I loved him so very much for a day. His dreams turned dark and his screams filled my head. It was such a beautiful sound. He makes beautiful screams.
Darla raised an eyebrow. "Right."
"My Spike will bring the boy with him. I want to hear him scream some more. I want them both to scream." She looked at Giles and Anya. "Your friends will die and then the party will go on forever."
Anya began laughing. "Ok, now she's crazy."
Darla rolled her eyes. "Drusilla, darling? Is Angel with them?"
Drusilla grinned evilly. "Yes! He's with the seer." She gasped. "No."
"What is it?" Darla inquired.
"The Slayer is with them. Death could not hold her. She walks among us again!"
Darla glared in anger. "The Slayer? Dammit! Why can't that bitch stay dead?"
"Why don't you?" Tara's nervous voice came from out of nowhere.
"Silence!" Darla slapped Tara. Tara fell to the ground.
*****
After several minutes of convincing, Dawn reluctantly agreed to stay with the Host. All the needed weapons were removed from the chest in Giles' living room. After a quick wisecrack and goodbye to Dawn, Xander started to follow everyone else out of Giles' house. Suddenly he was overcome with a wave of dizziness.
"Ah, man! Not again!"
The Host caught him before he cracked his head on the front step of Giles' house. None of his friends in front of him noticed.
"Hey, guys. You're forgetting something." He shifted Xander's weight. "And he's kind of heavy, so a little help would be nice."
Everyone turned around to see the Host supporting an unconscious Xander.
Cordelia moaned. "What now? Has Xander gone narcoleptic on us?"
"I didn't see him steal anything," Buffy replied.
Spike shook his head. "I'm not even dignifying that with a retort." He snorted. "So, did the whelp have another one of those vision thingies?" He helped the Host put Xander on the couch.
"Hello! Not a vision, no mind-numbing pain." Cordelia put her hands on her hips.
Willow asked nervously, "Well, then what happened? And how do we snap him out of it?"
"I wouldn't advise snapping him out of anything, doll. Whatever this is, it needs to run its course." The Host sighed.
Angel rolled his eyes. "Well, what do we do in the meantime? Twiddle our thumbs?"
"Great idea, Peaches! Why don't we knit mittens while we're at it and give them to orphans?"
Buffy kicked Spike. "Shut up, Spike, or I'll kick your pale ass all the way back to L.A."
Spike smiled. "Now there's the Slayer I know and lo - long to kill. Too bad I have a chip. Stupid bloody chip."
Angel glared at Spike for a moment, then picked up the conversation where he left off. "We can't just stand around here waiting. Let's go to the boiler room like we planned. Whatever's affecting Xander is most likely coming from there."
Willow frowned. "I don't know, Angel. We can't just leave him here."
Buffy touched Willow's arm. "It'll be ok, Willow. We'll leave the cell phone here. If anything happens, Dawn can call Angel's cell phone."
Cordelia looked at Angel indignantly. "Your cell phone is turned on, right?"
"Yes!"
Cordelia held out her hand. "Let me see."
Angel dug the cell phone out of his coat pocket and held it up for Cordelia's inspection. After a quick glance, she nodded in approval. "Don't break it! And don't use it as a weapon!"
"Oh, and don't forget your lunch money," Buffy added.
"And don't talk to strangers, mate," Spike said, stifling a laugh.
The Host grabbed Angel and kissed him on the forehead. "Now be a good boy and kill the baddies." He pushed Angel out the door.
Dawn chuckled. "Bye! Be back before dinner! It's meatloaf night." She waved as Angel stomped off to his car, thankful that vampires could not blush.
Cordelia followed Angel out the door, chuckling. Buffy and Spike helped the Host situate Xander on the couch better. Willow spread a blanket over him, leaned down, kissed his forehead, and walkd out of the house reluctantly. Buffy walked up to where Xander was lying.
"I feel kind of bad, just leaving him here. He hates it when we leave him out of the action."
"Well, how about you leave him some company, pet?"
Spike reached into his duster and pulled out Mr. Gordo. Buffy smiled at Spike and took the stuffed pig from him. She sat it under Xander's arm.
"Wake up soon, Xander." Buffy ruffled his hair.
"Don't worry, pet. He will."
Without a word, they take each others hand and walked out the door.
*****
Giles yelled, "Don't touch her you evil . . .thing!" He glared at Darla.
Anya whispered, "Was that the best you could come up with?"
Giles grinned. "Short notice." He looked over at Tara on the ground who was starting a spell.
*****
Xander's eyes popped open. He looked around. A strange feeling filled his head. He looked at his surroundings again, realizing he was no longer at Giles' house. He had no idea how he got to this room and suddenly felt the need to panic. He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. ['Great'] he thought. ['I can't even make a glib remark about this.'] He squinted his eyes. ['Am I hallucinating?'] Figures began to appear before his eyes. ['This is getting really wiggy.'] Soon, he began to hear sounds from the figures who had become all too clear.
He saw Giles looking in his direction. ['Can he see me?'] Xander waved. Giles did nothing. ['Nope. I've become Invisible Boy.'] Anya looked annoyed. ['Leave it to her to be more annoyed than scared. She can't make money or have sex right now.'] He rolled his eyes. Giles spoke to another person in the room. Xander didn't catch the phrase, but the tone caught his surprise. ['Funny, it sounded like a Giles voice, but his tone was bitter and smart ass like.'] He saw Anya whisper something to Giles who just shrugged.
It suddenly occurred to him that he could look at the others in the room. ['Oh my God.'] If his voice had worked, he would have screamed a girly scream. For once, he was glad to be mute. Still, seeing Darla, the one who killed Jesse, the sire of Dead Boy, the one Dead Boy killed years ago, gave him a major wiggins. ['I really hate that bitch!']
Giles threatened, "You do know, whatever you're planning won't work?"
Anya nodded. "Yeah, even if Buffy's not all there, and Spike doesn't want to kill Drusilla, Willow's a powerful witch, and Dead Boy can fight. At lease one person is going to kick your asses!"
Xander heard another voice, one that struck fear into his heart more than Darla ever could. He remembered when he had Amy cast that love spell that went totally awry, and Drusilla proclaimed her love for him. He shuddered.
"Voices are filling my head right now!"
Funny, Xander never realized how pretty Drusilla was. He shooks his head. ['She's a vampire! Vampires are bad! Well, most of them. Wait a second! Boiler room! No! This isn't the boiler room. Oh man, this is bad. How am I supposed to let Buffy know we are heading in the wrong direction if I'm stuck here like this? Dammit!']
Drusilla put her hand to her forehead. "Ooooh! Little witch, what wonderful thoughts!"
Xander still couldn't figure out where they were. The place seemed familiar, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. ['Ok, Xander, think!'] He really wished he could speak. His stupid jokes always comforted him.
Darla's attention was drawn to Tara. She saw the glow in Tara's hands.
Xander looked up just in time to see a pissed off, vamped out Darla heading in his direction. ['Oh, great. I'm gonna die now!']
Darla ran over and picked Tara up by the arm until her feet were off the ground.
Xander noticed Tara ['Tara?'] being lifted off the ground ['Oh God!'] by Darla. Suddenly, the voices in the room began to fade out, slowly. ['Oh no!']
The golden energy in Tara's hands abruptly disappeared.
Suddenly, everything went black.
*****
Xander screamed. He opened his eyes. He was lying on Giles' couch. He sat up quickly. "Guys! They're not in the boiler room!"
"They already left," the Host quietly replied.
"Dammit! We have to get to them now! Darla and Drusilla are there! They've got Giles and Anya . . . and Tara."
Dawn squeaked, "What? Drusilla? Oh God! She's gonna go after Spike again! We gotta do something!"