Disclaimer: This song belongs to Ronan Keating and is called I will miss you.
Author's Notes: This chapter was soooo hard to write! I've even already written chapter 12, 13 and am working on 14!
Chapter 11: Sounds in Silence.
No one moved.
No one made a sound.
It could have been seconds but was most probably minutes before anyone spoke.
"I'm going after her" Angela said, taking her keys out of her pocket and heading for the door.
"I'm coming too," Zack added following her.
If she was surprised Angela didn't show it as Zack got in the passenger seat as she got in the driver's. As he did up his seatbelt she started the engine and twirled the wheel lightly beneath her fingers, pulling out and heading down the road.
Temperance stood at the foot of Booth's face. In sleep he looked … not innocent, at peace, relaxed, without worry or care.
"Can daddy hear us?" Parker asked, his tears had stopped although the tracks remained until Temperance wiped them away.
"I… I don't know. Maybe,"
"Have you smushed your lips yet?" he asked in a whisper, even with him so close to her ear she had to strain to hear it.
She frowned in confusion "what?"
"Like the prince and the sad girl,"
The prince and the sad girl, or course. The fairytale only life wasn't a fairytale.
I thought that I,
Was like an island,
Guess I was wrong,
Guess I was wrong,
"No," she answered truthfully "no I haven't,"
He wriggled so that she put him down and gave her an expectant look "do it,"
"Parker I don't think…"
"When the prince smushed lips with the princess' the princess she woke up after bein' sleep for a hundre' years," he said firmly, waiting. Waiting oh so patiently.
She looked at him. He wanted her too… wasn't that wrong? Kissing a man in sleep? Kissing a man she had never kissed before in sleep except in fragmented dreams that managed to fight through the nightmare's every once in a while.
She paused.
He waited.
She opened her mouth to say something.
He waited.
She–
"Please Bones," he said "please wake daddy up,"
How could she refuse? Would it work? Was a kiss really the answer?
Swallowing Temperance nodded and walked round the bed, tracing the sheets with a single finger 'til she came to a pause by his head. She was so nervous, so, so nervous. Could it really work? Oh please, she begged, please with all my heart I hope it does.
She leant over and let their lips kiss. It was like kissing a corpse except it was warm. So unresponsive so relaxed. She could do anything to him right now and he wouldn't stop her. He couldn't stop her.
She pulled back slowly, dreading what she would see, eventually she did.
He was still there.
Still relaxed.
Still at peace.
Still so many miles away from home.
"Did it work?" Parker asked although he already knew the answer.
"I'm sorry Parker. I don't think he's going to-"
Parker stamped his foot "he will! He will! He will! He will wake up! You'll see. You're just not the right person! You don't love him! You won't wake him up! You won't wake daddy up! I hate you!" he then ran out of the room in tears.
He probably didn't even know what he'd said, what the words 'I hate you' meant but they still cut like a knife, still tore at her, gutted her, ripped her apart from the inside out.
I see your face,
And then it hits me,
That I will miss you,
Oh when you're gone,
She made it to the door, went to follow but the words echoed through her head once more "I hate you!" and she whirled round.
"You," she growled "it's you're fault! Why won't you just wake up dammit! You're son needs you! I can't do this! I can't look after him!"
It was patronising.
Having him lying there making not a movement, not a sound. Not a single indication.
"Why won't you just wake the hell up?" she screamed, her throat burning as she called out at the top of her lungs "I need you! Parker needs you! We all need you Booth so wake up!"
She moved towards the bed, shaking with fury "I've had enough now, I can't do this, I can't pretend to be something I'm not. I'm not a mother, I'm not capable of looking after a five year old little boy when all he wants is his daddy to come and make everything better!"
He still lay there.
Still unconscious, oblivious, ignorant.
Still in the state that she craved so much now her body burned for it.
Sleep.
Pure, content filled sleep.
The kind of sleep you wake from ready to face the day, with that all encompassing feeling of being able to take on the world. It had been so long since she'd had a sleep like that.
The first few seconds after waking were the best, when nightmares didn't interfere and dreams didn't torment. Those precious few moments before the world came crashing down and all she wanted to do was cry, to curl up under the comforter and cry.
My heart will sleep,
Until you wake it,
I hope and pray,
It won't be long,
"Why can't you make it better Booth? Why can't you just make everything okay?"
The world wasn't welcoming.
Life wasn't something to crave, to want, to love.
It hurt, it burned, it scorched like fire and it tore you down bit by bit, destroyed you from the inside out.
Sometimes.
Sometimes you found a person who made that all go away, who made life seem something other than a chore. For her that someone was Booth.
"This case is now going on in practically secret, I'm staying up 'til all hours of the night to try and gets something, a clue, an answer, a reason. I'm dying here dammit and all you can do is lie there and I know you can't wake up but I need you too. I need you to think about the case in that way you do, to come up with the story," she wasn't even making sense any more, logic merging with emotion making everything that much harder to see 'I can use the facts but you can make everything link together'
This house is home,
And when you leave it,
Then I will miss you,
Oh when you're gone,
She once loved her job, her life, her apartment seemed welcoming when she came in still high from the rush of catching the bad guy and now? Now it seemed empty, cold, dead.
"I want everything to be okay again. Why can't you make it okay?"
His eyes were closed and his hair perfect, his chest rising and falling was the only movement in the room. The only sound of her hoarse voice screaming out and her heart pounding in her ears.
"Your son just said he hates me-"
Parker.
She'd let him run out. Let him leave. Let him go. Just like she had Booth.
"You see what you do to me?" she was getting louder and louder, screaming as tears poured from her face and off her chin, her heart pounding, her fists clenched, almost doubling over in the agony erupting in her gut.
"I can't do anything right any more! I can't think, I can't work, I can't even solve a case I've been working on for four God damned months and it's all your fault. You're a drug, you're addictive and I can't just quit you when I want too. I want to quit you so much. You're everywhere I turn and you're there every time I close my eyes!"
Wake up.
Wake up.
Wake up!
Damn you straight to hell and I hope you burn just… just…
"Get out of my head! If you're gonna go just go but don't just leave me hanging, don't make me wait. Either wake up or die already!"
She'd just told him to die.
Oh God.
"Please wake up," she pleaded, exhaustion rolling over her body in waves. She was drowning in water far to deep. She'd forgotten how to swim and it was just that easy. To let go, give in "please Booth. I'm begging you harder than I've begged for anything in my life just wake up and fix it. Fix me," her head hung as pains shot through her stomach. Pain of grief, of mourning, of anxiety, of everything other than what she wanted to feel.
There was no easy way out. Nothing that would make the pain dull. Nothing unless her succumbed to her pleading cries.
"Fix me," she sobbed into her hands, collapsing to her knees, hair spilling across the tiled floor as she leant over to rest her forehead on it. Stomach churning. Chest burning.
She was broken like china, shattered into a thousand tiny pieces and the only thing to fix it was Booth. His voice. His eyes. His touch. Everything that she had once taken for granted she would give the world to have again.
I've been taking it,
All for granted,
It was there in,
Front of my face,
I couldn't see,
Into understanding,
And how could I know,
How could I lose my way,
Someone screamed down in the waiting room. A scream never heard by her yet oh so familiar, piercing, loud, terror filled.
She was scrambling to her feet in less than a second and hurtling down the corridor in even less time than that.
Blood.
A scream still echoing off the walls and a body on the floor.
A man in black. A dark figure. A hunter. A killer. A murderer.
She collapsed where she was, falling to her knees in shock, legs giving way under the strain of keeping her shaking form upright 'Get away from him!' she screamed. It was true, it was happening, Parker was dead and Booth was too. She was alone and it was all her fault.
Her dream had been a premonition, a warning and she'd ignored it, she'd been to busy. It had been telling her what would happen.
Parker on the floor.
And the man in black next to him.
"Get away! Get away! Get away!"
The man got up and backed off, his hands up in surrender. A mere businessman checking a child that had slipped up and cut his forehead on the chair he'd collided with "I was only-"
"Thank you," Zack said, crouching next to Parker and helping him to his feet.
It was only a little cut but he'd wanted to get away, she had to hate him that's why she'd said it. She wouldn't wake up daddy so she must hate him. He didn't hate her it just made it hurt less in his tummy to think about her hating him if he said that he hated her back.
I've been taking it,
All for granted,
I got no excuses for that,
I couldn't see,
Into understanding,
But how could I know,
I wonder when you look back,
"'m okay," Parker said, one hand over the cut above his eyebrow, tears springing to his eyes. He was being brave. He wasn't going to cry.
It was only a businessman. He'd only been trying to help. But he'd been wearing black… Parker had been on the floor… he was bleeding.
She'd seen a blur and seen the blood, seen the figure, seen the dream. The room was spinning and her stomach spasmed, the walls were closing in and all she could hear was her own panted breaths as she tried to scream, tried to cry, tried to do something, anything but not nothing. She'd done far too much nothing.
Her vision began to blur even more and the edges became unclear. The room was tipping… no wait that was her… or was it? Is that Angela? There was hand on her back and she scrambled to get away, don't touch, dirty, burned, wrecked, she killed them! She killed them! Dirty, filthy rotten murderer! All her fault! She'd killed them!
"Is she going to be okay doctor?"
"She'll be fine. She had a panic attack, caused presumably by stress or lack of sleep, maybe a combination of both. A hallucination or nightmare of something happening to … Parker is it? Will have brought everything crashing down when she saw him injured I presume. We'll have to see,"
Who was that? Where was she? God her head hurt.
Temperance tried to speak but only succeeded in weak groan, she brought a hand up to her head, nope, normal size despite it feeling like about three times its normal size.
"Sweetie?" Angela asked, putting a gentle hand on hers and clasping it gently "sweetie are you okay?"
"Where am I?"
She remembered screaming and blood. The man in black… Parker!
"Where's Parker?" she sat bolt upright, panic etched across her face.
Zack stood quietly in the corner. She looked so different to the normal Dr. Brennan, pale faced, her hair hanging limply about her shoulders, a white hospital gown and sheets pooled in her lap. Was Booth's absence really tearing her apart so much?
"He's fine honey," Angela tucked a stray lock of hair behind her friend's ear, smoothing it down at the back of her head and allowing her hand to rest momentarily at the nape of her neck before taking her hand back "just a little bump,"
"Gave us all quite a shock there," Doctor… Gerritson said, "do you remember what happened?"
She frowned "I heard a scream … I saw blood … Parker… a man in black… then everything felt so tight, I was shaking, I couldn't see… then darkness" she looked up at him. What had happened?
Will you remember?
Our road is straight,
Our road is long,
My heart is with you,
And I will miss you,
Oh I will miss you,
"You had a panic attack Ms. Brennan. Have you been sleeping well lately? Eating? Are you stressed?"
She shook her head "Booth… everything's been so confusing. I couldn't eat, every time I do I throw up. I can't sleep. He's there, everywhere,"
"Who is?"
"The man who made my mommy go away and hurt my daddy so he's asleep," Parker said from the doorway, Jack and a still dressed-as-a-clown Doctor Goodman close behind him.
"They sent all the kids home and came here after we followed," Angela filled her in. She nodded in reply.
"I'm sorry I said I hated you," Parker crawled onto the bed and into her lap, burying his face into her chest, her arms coming to encircle him on reflex "and I'm sorry I made you cry,"
"You didn't make me… I just…"
"She hasn't been sleeping very well and so she had what's called a panic attack which means that the room started spinning and she couldn't see and it made her pass out," Doctor Gerritson explained.
I know I will miss you,
Oh when you're gone,
"Dunno what you mean but it sounds bad" Parker replied, looking out from his hiding place for a moment then looking up at her "then I'm sorry for that too,"
"It's… not nice," Dr. Gerritson added, eyebrows raising at the sight of a rather… peculiar family "well if you're feeling okay now I can go get the release papers," he looked at her and as soon as she had nodded he left to get them.
That was um… different? I had no intention of that chapter turning out the way it did and… wow! It only took an hour! I know that ooc probably did occur but as I have repeated many times: bare with me.
IMPORTANT NOTE:
Does anyone know what Rebecca's surname is? As I've already said chapter 12 is written, come to think of it so is Chapter 13 and 14 is being written at the moment … Lol. But seriously I do need to know. If not I'll make it up.
But thanks and KEEP REVIEWING!
BTW anyone want to join my Bones Forum? I know I've already PM'd alotta ya but I don't think the link will work, if you want the link again or simply wanna know the link coz I haven't already told ya ask me in the review and I'll get it to ya somehow, most likely via email. oO