Don't let me lose you, before there's a chance to begin

Now

Jane took her coffee black, the dark liquid substituting for yet another sleepless night. She checked her phone, only to be greeted by her cheerful background of Mason making a silly face.

Stupid Maura. Jane huffed, tossing her phone down on her desk. She felt so needy and desperate as she continually sent texts and left voicemails, all unanswered, but both of them could not afford to be the stubborn one.

She took another gulp of coffee, the bitter drink burning her tongue. Her eyes fell on Mason's spaceship drawing she had fondly taped to the edge of her desk, only to feel a surge of frustration and longing as she identified the orange Maura-blob in the window. She turned her gaze away, only to find the only other personal item that decorated her desk - a picture of her and Sam on their wedding day. She slapped it down, the impact causing her coffee to spill all over her paperwork.

"Son of bitch," Jane hissed, holding the dripping folder over the trashcan.

"Why didn't you tell us Dr. Isles has been back in town for a month?"

Korsak's accusation started her, and she wheeled around in her chair, crossing her arms stubbornly across her chest. Frost trailed close behind, seeming equally bewildered as to the reason Jane had withheld this information from them.

"Wait, how do you two know?" Jane flipped the guns on them, raising an eyebrow. Maura had kept her reappearance in Boston quite low key, perhaps not intentionally, but there was much settling for her to do before she could fully reestablish her life. Jane, in turn, had kept the information between her and the third parties of Mason and her husband, ravaged by guilt and uncertain fear that Maura would disappear just as quickly as she had re-emerged.

"Came in to interview this morning for her position as medical examiner," Korsak explained, leaning up against her desk, sniffing a little as the smell of coffee assaulted his nose. "I saw her on her way out - boy was a I shocked to see her here, and naturally, I figured you didn't know she was in town yet. But we all know Dr. Isles can't tell a lie." Here the color in Jane's face drained a little. She then felt a little hurt that Maura had only effectively deceived one person, and Jane had been shocked enough to fall for it. "She seemed a little uneasy, but she assured me that you knew."

Jane chewed on her lip, the color resurfacing to her cheeks. She tried to appear nonchalant as she slapped her coffee-stained papers back on her cluttered desk. "Yep, I've seen her," she stated vaguely. "What's it to you?"

"I know know why you're getting so defensive, Jane, but I just figured you'd, ya know, tell us..." Korak trailed off, and Jane's expression softened. "You were such a wreck after she left that we figured we'd be there to see you hug her until she couldn't breathe anymore."

Or punch the bejesus out of her," Frost added with a slight chuckle.

"I dunno, things are just so different now," Jane shrugged. "A lot has changed, for both of us. Guess I just didn't know what to make of her coming back. Still really don't," she said a little gruffly.

Frost smiled sympathetically, and Korsak patted her shoulder reassuringly. "So she's applying here again?" Jane asked, unable to suppress the flutter in her stomach. Not only did that mean that Maura would have no choice but to confront her, but it also meant she planned to stay.

Korak nodded, and Frost added, "Rumor is that Pike's planning to retire soon-"

"Thank the Lord," Jane interrupted.

"So I'd wager she had a pretty good chance of obtaining the job, especially with her past experience here," Frost finished.

Jane didn't miss his smile. She wasn't the only one who had missed Maura around here.

XXX

"Fuck you, Maura." Jane spat into the phone after the message tone blared. She hung up promptly, throwing her phone at the wall.

"Mommy?"

Mason's voice startled her, and she jerked her head toward the bedroom door, watching him slink in through the opening.

"Jesus, Mase, you scared me," she murmured. Mason picked up her phone, warily handing it to her as he crawled up on the bed beside her.

"You said not to say Jesus unless we are praying," Mason reminded her, looking a little nervous.

"Yeah, sorry," Jane sighed. "Mommy made an oopsie." She ruffled his hair, feeling a little less frustrated.

"You were happier when Maura was here. Why doesn't she come back?" Mason stated, curling up next to Jane.

"Damn, Mase, why do you have to be so perceptive?" she sighed again, running her hand through her hair in an exasperated manner.

"That is not a good word either. Maybe you need a timeout," Mason suggested.

Jane laughed a little. "Yeah, Mommy probably could use a timeout right now."

Jane's phone began to buzz wildly, startling the pair. Mason reached into her lap and snatched away the phone before Jane could answer it.

"Hey!" she scolded, reaching for her phone, but Mason already had it pressed up against his ear.

"Hello, this is Mason," he answered politely. Jane scowled, then sighed, figuring it was only Sam anyway.

"Maura!" Mason shrieked, and Jane snapped her head up, heart heart skipping in her chest. She was momentarily paralyzed by shock as Mason continued to speak.

"Mommy is sad and misses you. And I want you to come play. Goodbye," Mason promptly finished his one-sided conversation and hung up the phone.

"Mason!" Jane roared, grabbing his arm a little too roughly as she tore the phone out of his grasp.

Mason screamed in return, thrashing in her grasp as an influx of tears poured down his face. "You hurted me!" he howled.

"You can't just do that, Mason!" Jane continued to yell, too livid to let Mason's distress make her pity him. "You can't just hang up like that. I can't believe you did that!"

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" Mason sobbed, wriggling out of Jane's grip and storming down the hall to his room.

"Fuck," Jane hissed, her body shaking a little from frustration and anger. She leaned back against the bed, knowing she should tend to the boy, but she went to her recent calls instead, promptly dialing back the number. It went to voicemail. Jane let out in indistinguishable noise, hurling her phone so hard at the wall this time that it chipped the paint away. As he phone fell to the carpet, she realized the screen was badly cracked. She growled, falling back against the bed, closing her eyes for a moment.

She could hear Mason still howling down the hall, and with another stream of curses, she rose from the bed and stomped down the hall. She paused in the doorway, peering past the slightly ajar door. Mason lay in his bed, kicking the mattress, his face red and puffy from working himself up so much. Jane sighed, summoning all the strength and patience she had reaped from motherhood in the past two years.

"Mase," she muttered softly, entering the room and sitting down on the edge of his race car bed. "I'm sorry."

"Go 'way," he sniffed, lifting his head only to glare at her. "You hurted me," he accused, and sure enough, Jane could see a pattern of red marks dancing across his forearms, left from the grip of her nails.

"I'm sorry I hurt you. And I'm sorry I yelled," she tried again.

He let out another sob. "I hate you! You aren't even my real mommy," he screeched, and Jane winced, the words slicing through her.

"Mase," her voice cracked, and she felt a tear slip down her cheek. "Mom -" she stopped, clearing her throat as she said instead, "I get angry and frustrated sometimes, and I say some things and do some things I shouldn't, and I'm really, really sorry. I love you, Mason," she reminded him.

He peeked at her from between his fingers, letting out a shuddery breath. "I love you," he finally muttered in return, his grudge quickly deteriorating. "Will you still love me and be my mommy?" he asked a little fearfully.

"Of course, Mase," Jane's voice was a little hoarse as she fiercely made the promise. "Nothing could ever change that."

XXX

"You okay, honey?" Sam asked, peering over his reading glasses as Jane sat listlessly on the other side of the bed, lost in thought.

"Huh? Yeah," she jerked her attention toward Sam. "I mean, except for the fact that I got in that screaming match with Mason today," she muttered a little crossly, wishing that her four-year-old had been tactful enough not to mention it to Daddy.

"It's a normal part of parenting," Sam reminded her, folding down the corner of the page to mark his place in his book. "Though I still don't really understand what the whole fuss was about - something about him answering your phone when your best friend was calling?" he clarified.

"Guess I was just pissed about him answering my phone without asking," Jane shrugged it off, unable to look at her husband.

"It seems like it was a little more than that. You left a pretty good dent in the wall, and I don't think you'll be making any calls from the phone soon," he motioned toward the wall and Jane's damaged phone on the dresser top.

"It's nothing. Just got angry," she brushed it off. "You know how my temper can get."

He nodded, then changed the subject. "You seem to have quite the attachment to her," Sam spoke his thoughts aloud. Jane still refused to look at him. "Wish you'd let me meet her."

"Yeah, soon," Jane muttered vaguely, slumping down against her pillow.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Sam sighed again. "You just seem so...distant," he searched for the correct word.

"Yeah, just need some time to think. And stuff." It was physically painful for her to talk about this, and she wished he'd just go back to reading his book and drop the whole topic.

"Well, if you need to talk, you know I'm here," he offered feebly. She heard the pages brush together as he reopened his book.

Jane did not respond.

XXX

"I want to ring the doorbell!" Mason announced as Jane and he walked up the porch steps to her mother's townhouse; she had gotten her own place a few months before Maura's departure, fully moving on and reestablishing her life.

"Alright, buddy." She lifted him up so he could reach, the ring piercing through the evening.

Her mother answered the door a moment later, and Jane grumbled slightly as she was herded into a hug.

"Nonna!" Mason exclaimed, addressing his grandmother.

"How my favorite grandson?" she cooed, scooping him up in her arms.

"Can't be saying that for long," Frankie reminded her as they entered the kitchen area. He tugged his wife, Emily, a little closer to him. "Em and I find out the gender on Wednesday."

A small dog shot through the kitchen, sliding on the linoleum floor as she came to a halt in front of Jane. "Jo," Jane crooned softly, reaching down to pat her dog's head softly. Sam was highly allergic to animals, so Jo had taken up permanent residence with her mother.

"Yes, but maybe you'll be having my favorite granddaughter," his mother rebutted with a wink in Frankie's direction, going over to the stove to stir her sauce. "Where's your husband, Janie?" she addressed her daughter. "Also, I'm very disappointed in you."

"He's working. What else is new?" she informed her, giving Jo one final pat before rising up to her full height. "And may I ask what I've done this time?" she added with a significant eyeroll.

Her mother opened her mouth to speak, but she was cut off as Mason let out a shriek. "Maura!"

Jane's attention jerked from the kitchen to the living room, where Maura was playing chess with Tommy. She looked up sheepishly from the board, finding Jane's gaze.

"What the hell is she doing here?" Jane narrowed her eyes at her mother.

"Watch your language," her mother scolded. "And I don't think you have any right to talk. This is why I am disappointed in you. She's been back here for almost a month now, and you find no reason to tell your family?"

Jane groaned, running a hand through her curls. This was too much for her to handle in one evening.

"I saw her at the grocery store the other day," her mother further continued. "Almost had a heart attack, seeing her back here so unexpectedly."

"So you invited her for dinner?" Jane asked, a little incredulously.

"Of course," her mother responded, giving her an innocent look.

Jane moaned again. She was furious, ecstatic, and confused all at the same time. "Maura, come with me. We need to talk," she stomped into the living room, stopping in front of the couch. Maura held Mason in her lap, and Jane saw her eyes widen in slight fear as she tugged Mason a little closer to her.

Maura nodded, giving Tommy an apologetic look. She rose from the couch, putting Mason in her place.

"Upstairs," Jane commanded, grabbing Maura's hand, not expecting the simple contact to affect her so much.

"Wait! Jane! Where are you going?" her mother followed after her with a dripping sauce spoon in her hand. Jo happily followed behind, lapping up the mess. "You can talk down here," she protested.

"Ma," Jane warned.

"Just let them have a minute," Frankie spoke, nodding significantly toward his mother. Jane gave him an appreciative smile.

On her way up the steps, she could still make out her mother's voice. "-just trying my best to keep this family together. She never appreciates a thing I do for her...No, Mason, stay down here. You can help me stir the sauce."

Jane opened the door to the spare bedroom and ushered Maura in. "Explain," she demanded, leaning up against the dresser top as Maura sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Your mother invited me to dinner. And I said yes," Maura explained in simple terms, then sighed heavily.

"That's all it takes? One chance meeting in the grocery store, and I've been calling you for a whole damn week, and you can't be bothered to let me know you're still alive," Jane huffed, feeling wounded.

"You know I can't say no to your mother," Maura defended, to which Jane did have to agree. "And I have been calling you. For the past two days, ever since Mason answered your phone," she promised. "But it's been going straight to voicemail, so I assumed you didn't want to talk after all."

"Yeah, well, my phone's been kind of...busted. But you had a week to return my calls, Maur. You have to understand why I'm so frustrated," she sighed, and as always when it came to Maura, she found herself softening much faster than she intended.

"I wanted to give you space. I wanted to give us both some space," she defended, her hazel eyes locking with Jane's. "You're married, Jane," she reminded her, and Jane wished she didn't wince so much every time she remembered. "You have a child who loves you and needs you. We just can't do...this."

"You're my best friend," Jane muttered weakly, those both knew that Maura far exceeded that title. "I just can't lose you again."

"I reapplied as medical examiner," Maura whispered, her way of letting Jane know that she did not intend to leave again.

"Korsak told me." Jane smiled a little.

"Perhaps we should return back downstairs," Maura suggested after a moment. "I think we've already upset your mother enough."

Jane sighed, wanting nothing more than to disappear from the rest of the world with Maura. She nodded, quickly leaning in and placing a kiss on the corner of Maura's mouth.

"Jane," Maura warned, but her kept her face pressed up against Jane's mouth for a prolonged moment.

"This isn't over yet," Jane stated significantly, taking Maura's hand in her own as she led her back downstairs.

A/N: I've decided on an ending point for this fic, and I think it will play out in about five or so chapters if all goes as planned. I am always looking for more future fic ideas, and who better to ask than my readers? So shoot me some ideas if you feel so inclined, and I'll see what I can do. I tend to like writing one-shots just a bit more than multi-chapter fics, but I would like to do one more big multi-chaptered fic this summer, so I would appreciate prompts for both. Thanks for being such supportive readers. I really appreciate it :]