The first sensation Badesh felt was weightlessness. He felt light and warm, comfortable even. He was tired so very tired, but when he heard voices he forced himself to open his eyes. He saw a familiar figure standing in front of him. Light blue liquid swirled around him, making it difficult to recognise his face … he knew him. He just couldn't remember his name.

"Sir, I wanted to debrief you of our latest mission in the Endless Swamp. Everything went smoothly, there was only one injured-"

"Lieutenant, I fail to understand why you bother to give the Sith reports," said a female voice.

"Doctor Oggurobb said that it's possible that he registers if someone visits him. Sergeant Lorso usually talks with him about personal stuff. I- I don't know what else to say to him."

He saw a light skinned female human standing next to the man. Dimly he remembered her too.

"You shouldn't involve yourself with him at all. I have seen his mind. He is a Sith, full of anger and destruction. A blunt weapon that lacks empathy and conviction. He doesn't deserve your loyalty."

The man took a step back from the woman. "With all due respect, Master Shan! I have served with this man, I don't need to read his mind to know him!"

"He's like a perforated cloth, Lieutenant. Where other people have true emotions he has to rely on other people to patch up his ragged personality. His care for his troops, his entire being – it's all just patch-work made from memories of his lovers. It's not real, none of it is. He is not a real person."

"I don't think-"

"That's what the Dark Side does, it leaves only empty husks. You should know that, you've fallen victim to Sith, haven't you?"

"Well, yes but-"

"There is no 'but' Lieutenant," replied the woman with gravitas.

The man was silent for a moment, then he cleared his throat. "If you'll excuse me, Master Shan. I have a report to deliver."

Badesh tried to listen some more, to remember who these people were but his weariness overwhelmed him and he fell asleep again.

ooOOoo

The next time Badesh woke up, his mind was much clearer. He vaguely remembered that he had heard voices … had it been a dream? He opened his eyes again and saw a hutt standing in front of him. He wasn't the in liquid- the kolto tank anymore.

"Greetings, Darth Tenebra. I'm relieved to see you awake – due to your extensive injuries we weren't certain that-"

"We knew that you would pull through," said someone beside the hutt.

Badesh squinted, the man standing there it- it was Theron. Slowly he remembered where he was: he was on Odessen. The hutt was Dr. Oggurobb. A moment later another realisation hit him – Vette and Quinn. The pain in his chest made him flinch and a muted sob escaped his lips.

"He's getting worked up," said Oggurobb, "I'll put him back to sleep."

Within minutes Badesh lost consciousness.

ooOOoo

When he finally woke up again, he felt strange, heavy and cold. He lifted his right hand to wipe across this face, but he stopped in the middle of the movement when he saw that it wasn't his right hand that he was moving – instead it was a metallic prosthesis. He stared at it with disbelieve. Then he slowly folded back the sheet that was covering his lower half. His left leg had also been replaced with an artificial limb. It almost took his breath away, and with silent dread he reached up to his face with his left hand, when his fingertips touched scar tissue he let his hand fall back on the duvet.

"You're awake already?"

He looked up and saw Barriss standing in the doorway. She quickly approached him and sat down on the chair next to his bed.

"Dr. Oggurobb said it would take another hour or so. I'm sorry that were alone when you woke up – we've been visiting you, you know?"

Badesh just stared at her, trying to pull himself together. He had to be strong, had to- before he could stop himself tears welled up in his eyes. Vette and Quinn … were gone. They were dead and he was still alive.

"Hey, you survived and-" began Barris, but he interrupted her.

"You don't understand, I just kept going because I needed to see them again," he whispered.

Barriss took his left hand and squeezed it. "You listen to me – they lied to you. We still haven't found Vette and Quinn. They could be alive!"

"What?" How was that possible? Yes … he had simply believed that Vette and Quinn were dead despite the fact that he didn't have any prove. But he knew that- then he suddenly remembered the weird feeling as if something had slithered under his skin.

He clenched his right hand to a fist and a nearby monitor suddenly splintered.

"She's gone – Satele Shan left days ago," said Barriss.

As suddenly as the anger had overwhelmed him, it tickled away. A new thought entered Badesh's mind: there was still hope. Perhaps- perhaps he could still find them! And he would most certainly find Shan – she had used him, manipulated him and had mocked the memory of the people he values above anything else!

In this moment Theron entered the room, he blanched as he set his eyes on Badesh's face.

"Badesh I-"

He lifted his right hand and Theron reached up to his throat and gasped.

"Was it your idea?" he growled.

"No," replied Theron in a raspy voice.

Badesh snorted and let go of him. "I don't believe you – she knew my weakness. She couldn't possibly found out herself in the short time that she was with us."

Theron rubbed his throat. "We talked about the best people for the mission, she questioned your commitment and I told her why you agreed to help us. I didn't know that she was going to manipulate you. After you came back from the mission I told her to leave."

"You let her get away!" screamed Badesh.

"She did what she had to do to get the job done! Did I like it? No! But we're past the luxury of morals! You know that! All that matters is that Vaylin is dead!"

Badesh let Theron's words sink in. He took a deep breath. "You're right, you have clear priorities – you never lied about them. I was naïve to think that you're interested in helping me. Just tell me, were you even looking for Quinn and Vette?"

Theron suddenly looked hurt, he gulped. "Of course we're trying to find them. We took the down the Revanites together, I haven't forgotten about that."

"I wish I could believe you, Theron. But I don't – I had nothing when I arrived here, nothing except my reputation. And now I don't even have that."

Barriss let go of his hand, Badesh realised only now that she had still been holding it. "Of course you've still got your reputation. You're the one who took down Vaylin."

"Don't cuddle me – they all saw me break down. The only respect I commanded was out of fear and intimidation, and it only works if one is regarded as invincible." Badesh sat up and felt a little dizzy.

It passed and he stood up; at first he was cautious about his artificial leg, but once he took a few steps he realised that it responded just like his real leg. Oggurobb was indeed a genius.

"That's not true," said Theron, "you-"

"Save it!" snapped Badesh and walked over to the small cupboard. He opened it and found, as expected, his torn robes and his battered mask in it. A glance in the small mirror at the door confirmed what he already knew: parts of his face were covered in ugly scars.

He didn't mind Theron's and Barriss' presence when he dressed himself. After he had put on his mask he turned.

"I will return to my quarters and pack. I wish to leave as soon as possible."

"Badesh …" Theron began but one look from Badesh silenced him.

Badesh stormed out of the med bay and almost ran over Felix Iresso.

"Sir!" He snapped at attention and gave him his weird Republic salute.

Badesh was put off his stride and stopped. "Lieutenant Iresso."

Felix eased into normal posture and smiled at him. "We're glad that you're doing better, sir. I was on my way to give you my report of our last mission."

"Report?" Badesh dimly remembered that he had heard Felix talking about reports.

"Yes sir, I wanted to keep you posted. You're our commanding officer after all."

Badesh was confused. What was the meaning of this? "Er, thank you for your concern … Felix."

"I have to tell the troops that you're up and about, if you will excuse me, sir," said Felix blithely and stormed away.

Badesh followed him with his eyes. He wasn't very good at detecting sarcasm, but it didn't seem as if Felix had been disingenuous. So he still was in command of Thesh squad?

He heard the door behind him slide open and Theron stepped out. "Was that Lieutenant Iresso?"

"Yes."

"He visited you on behalf of his squad," said Theron. "I don't know about your sith-y sense of honour and reputation. But in their book you're a hero."

Badesh looked down on his artificial hand. "I'm no hero. I let a Jedi manipulate me, I was weak. By the stars, I cried and almost gave up."

Barriss joined them and followed their conversation silently.

"You know that people get scared, that they tremble and freeze in a critical moment. It happens. Do you honestly think that they're weak just because they're sentient beings who have emotions?" asked Theron.

"It's different for me!" hissed Badesh. "I live for battle, I enjoy it!"

"But you're still a living being, you are not a droid."

Badesh mulled over what Theron had said. What this another attempt to manipulate him? Had Theron ordered Felix to visit him and give him reports? No, that was too far-fetched.

"Listen, I know that it was a kriffing shit-show," continued Theron, "but don't leave just yet. Wait for a couple of days, think about it. Oggurobb has still some fine-tuning to do."

Badesh sighed. There was indeed no need for a dramatic exit – and he really needed to reflect about his future plans.

"Come on, let's go to the cantina," said Barriss. "I bet you could use a stiff drink right now."

"Alright," said Badesh.

Theron didn't ask if he should tag along and they didn't ask. They simply turned and left.

ooOOoo

On his way to the cantina Badesh registered that his artificial leg was slightly off-balance. He frowned and focussed on his steps. When they finally stood in the doorway the usual cantina chatter fell silent.

Badesh was taken aback and scanned the room: the cantina was half-full with Alliance forces, they stared at him. From one second to another they suddenly erupted in jeers, lifting their glasses towards him and screamed "For the Alliance!".

"See, to them you're a hero," said Barriss.

A soldier brought Badesh a glass with something that looked like whiskey. He accepted it and lifted it up in the air. The crowd cheered once again before they calmed down and turned their attentions away from him.

Badesh and Barriss sat down in a booth. He removed his mask and took a sip of the beverage – it was indeed whiskey. It tasted good, almost as good as Corellian whiskey used to be. And in this moment Badesh felt content. He had vanquished a powerful enemy, hadn't lost the respect of this troops after all and there was still hope to find Vette and Quinn.

He sighed and leaned back, Barriss sat across from him, looking exhausted. Then it occurred to him that he hadn't asked her how she was doing.

"Shall I get you a drink?" asked Badesh.

She smiled. "I'm good, thank you."

"You look tired."

"Well, it was a stressful week – we cleaned up Nathema and plan to return to Iokath. The radiation is receding and the Commander wants us ready to go as soon as Oggurobb has determined that it's safe."

"Iokath? Where the Empire and the Republic clashed?"

"Yeah, about 18 month ago we fought there with crazy droids and the Zakuul – long story short: there was this huge explosion and we had to leave because of the radiation."

Badesh took another sip of his whiskey. "I see."

"There- there is another reason why I'm tired," Barriss said, she blushed a little. "I met this woman, ah- well and we're seeing each other."

Badesh nodded. "Passion is very important, it is a deep well of power."

"Thing is she's a Jedi and isn't supposed to be with anyone. Soooo there is little a bit of sneaking involved."

Badesh's eyebrow rose. "A Jedi? And here I thought they were all boring."

Barriss blushed again. "She's not boring at all, she- she's great. She has great humour and is so attentive. And she's cute. I really like her."

"Good."

Barris cleared her throat. "Good … good. Well, so I'm going to need our room tonight."

"What?"

"Well, as I already said; there is a lot of sneaking involved and it turned out the best place to meet is our room. 21:00 til 23:00 – I trust you have things to do?"

Badesh blinked and shifted in his seat. Vette would agree – he wasn't sure about Quinn. "Alright."

"Thanks!"