AN: Hey guys, this chapter is shorter then I normally write but I wanted to post a chapter. My updates are a bit erratic but don't fear I will finish this story. Anyways, enjoy.

Living Through the Past

Chapter 11: Would Have Been

"You look nice." he commented when he opened the door for me. I slid into the car and smiled in thanks. He cleaned up nicely. Soon we were off towards Ev's new place.

"Do you think they pity us?" I asked as he drove.

"No idea…I hope not." neither do I. I didn't like getting pity from people. It just annoyed me. "Though I couldn't blame them…we are kind of at a hopeless corner." I sighed heavily and shrunk into the seat.

"There's no doubt in my mind Raif that you'll find a nice girl to settle down with." he just had that personality. People liked him. He was reckless, sweet, cunning, and a natural leader.

"Hey you're a good woman, a man would be crazy not to see that." I looked out the window, thoroughly embarrassed by his statement. The one man I did want to see that just so happened to get married yesterday. We didn't talk the rest of the way.

When we pulled up to the quaint little house I felt a heavy weight settle onto my chest. Why oh why was I subjected to this kind of torture? All the windows were lit up, signaling they were home. I sighed heavily and slipped out of the car, Raif did very much the same thing. We both glanced at each other when we reached the door. Wasn't this going to be fun? Raif knocked and not a minute later Evelyn opened the door. A slightly fussy R.J. in one of her arms.

Instead of being named after his father he had been named after his father's best friend. All kinds of fuck up in my book, but when the new parents first told Raif he took it like a trooper and smiled through it all. She smiled at us and silently invited us in trying to calm the crying baby.

"Dinner's almost done, Danny's in the living room." she told us bouncing R.J. and cooing at him.

"Here let me take him, you finish up dinner." Raif volunteered.

"Thaank you!" Evelyn gushed handing him over to Raif. "Danny tried calming him down for an hour and it didn't work." she muttered. I followed her into the kitchen while Raif went off to the living room.

"Ouch, so glad I don't want kids." I leaned against on of the counters.

"You should, their amazing besides the messes." she smiled her eyes twinkling like I have seen in many new mothers. I rolled my eyes crossing my arms over my chest. "Speaking of messes." Evelyn muttered looking around her kitchen.

"Cooking and babies do that to kitchens Ev. It's inevitable." she gave me a dead pan look going back to finishing whatever she was cooking. "See why I don't want kids?"

"You're worse then Danny, y'know that?" she said it to be good natured, but for some reason it hurt. I winced slightly at the stinging my chest before clearing my throat.

"I think I'm gunna go sit with the boys. I ain't talented in the kitchen anyhow." I bee lined it for the living room. I didn't want to stare at her go about her business. I didn't want to see that modest gold ring on her finger.

R.J. was surprisingly quiet when I walked into the living room. He was nestled comfortably in Raif's arms. Danny was staring fondly at the scene. Raif would make a wonderful father. If I wasn't here…if I never came to this time, he would have been a father. He would have been happy, with Evelyn. But Danny would be dead and rotting in the ground. His boy would never know who he was.

"You look like someone just killed you." Raif commented with the smallest of frowns. Danny looked up at me worriedly. My eyes narrowed. He shouldn't be worried about me.

"No, but that kitchen is a nightmare." I shuddered sitting down on a chair. They both laughed, though I could detect the forced quality in Raif's.

Dinner was served soon after that. Chicken with mashed potatoes and peas. Evelyn was a pretty good cook. She put little R.J. into his crib for the night a few minutes before we sat down to eat. The conversation was light and pointless. I continued to wonder what in the world they wanted to talk to us about. They were newly weds, newly weds where the wife use to date her husband's best friend and the husband was in love with a woman who had pretended to be a guy for a few years. That was an amazing relationship builder.

"So Raif, Sky." Evelyn started smiling over at Danny. He cleared his throat awkwardly. "We've been thinking about this for quite a while, and we think this will be the best decision." best decision for what? What could they possibly want with Raif and I? I glanced over at Raif who had the same curious look on his face.

"We want to name you as R.J.'s God parents." my entire being momentarily shut down. They wanted us to be-what? They thought it would be best if we did-what? Raif opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. "We know it's a lot but," he looked to Evelyn and smiled his eye crinkling smile.

"You both are our closest friends and we know that if anything happened to us that R.J. would be in capable hands." Evelyn finished. Oh great they were finishing one another's sentences now. Next you'd see they had matching him and her towels.

"I'd love to." Raif smiled his happy go lucky smile. All eyes turned to me. My chest gave a painful heave in protest. I stood abruptly, making the chair clatter to the floor behind me.

"Excuse me." I mumbled practically sprinting to the bathroom. I locked the door behind me, before sliding to the floor. The silent tears slipping uselessly down my cheeks.

I was pathetic. I was a grown woman. I was nearly thirty and here I was crying on the bathroom floor like a teenager. I never believed people when they said love was painful. I might have been in love before, but it wasn't like this. I didn't have to see this. I wasn't asked to be a damn God mother to a boy whose father I was in love with. A fresh set of tears rolled down my cheeks.

I was in love with Danny. I couldn't deny it; I couldn't ignore it anymore. He had captured my entire heart without even trying. I'd invested my love into him, knowing I could never have him. Why hadn't I tried harder to change that? I'd saved him from dying for Christ sakes, yet I couldn't keep him from falling in love with Evelyn? Maybe if I had, Raif wouldn't be in pain. Maybe he'd be happy. Oh God…what was I thinking? Danny was meant to fall in love with her. I couldn't have changed that. It was fate.

It was time to be a big girl. I'm in love with a man that's completely enamored with a woman who once loved his best friend. That was that, I'll deal with the pain as it comes, but I should be happy for him. He was happy…that's all I should care about. I took a deep calming breath and stood off the floor. I could be strong.

I glanced at myself in the mirror. My eyes were puffy and red, my hair was slightly messed up. I bent down slightly to turn on the water and my necklace slipped out of my shirt. The metal dog tags clinked together. I fingered my brother's tags with another sigh. I slipped it off my neck placing it on the sink counter before splashing some water on my face.

I had to get back out there and accept their offer. That was right thing to do. It was the adult thing to do. I toweled off my now wet face, not caring that I had wiped off my make up. They probably all knew why I made a mad dash to the bathroom anyhow. It wouldn't matter how well I looked.

I primped up my hair a bit so it didn't look completely like I had been crying. I unlocked the door and walked out, my head held high. They were all talking quietly around the table. When I walked back towards my seat the conversation fell silent. Raif gave me a small smile. I sat back down feeling a slight heat rise to my cheeks.

"Sorry about that, but um…I'd love to be R.J.'s God mother." I told them with a plastic smile. Evelyn gave a relieved and happy nod, while Danny nodded looking like he'd just been told he won a million dollars.

"That's great! We knew you two were the best for it." I nodded, and small talk started up again.

I managed to talk about the trivial things that were going about the base, and the technical problems about some of the planes. It was easy to put on a happy face. R.J. at one point woke up probably for a diaper change. One of many reasons why I didn't want children. They were messy, I couldn't get passed that. Then, it was time to go.

"Hey, I just have to go to the bathroom then we can leave." Raif told me. I gave him a nod hesitantly playing with little R.J. who was laying on his mother's lap.

"He's not gunna break you know." Evelyn chuckled lightly. I glanced up at her before looking back at the little baby. He wasn't big, but he wasn't very tiny either. The perfect sized baby for his size, but then again I had no idea what I was talking about.

"Alright let's go." Raif announced walking back into the living room. "See you guys tomorrow." the goodbyes couldn't have been more weird. We were in the car in no time.

"God…" I muttered slouching in the seat, closing my eyes. "Talk about emotionally draining."

"Mhm." was his only answer. The air was nice out tonight. The humidity wasn't heavy.

I hated when it would get extremely humid, it felt like you were breathing in water half the time. That was the bad part about living in Hawaii, it was hot humid and had bi polar weather. One moment it would be sunny then the next down pouring a hot rain. The one that I loved best was when it was raining where you were but about thirty yards away it was sunny clear skies.

It was fun running from rain soaked to sunny in a matter of seconds. I really hated having to work in the humidity though. My hands would start sweating something fierce and I had issues handling the tools. Those were the days Gooz would cuss up a storm, making sure half the base heard him. Of course that would mean entertainment for the rest of us. I yawned opening my eyes and glancing around. We weren't on the base. I knew the base like the back of my hand. I sat up slightly alarmed.

"Raif where are we?" I asked turning to look at him. His jaw was set in a hard line. "Raif?" my voice quiet. His eyes slid over to mine, usually they were a warm brown, but they looked black.

"Who are you?" my face screwed up in confusion.

"What do you mean?" that made no sense, he knew who I was. He'd known me for years now. He shook his head in annoyance digging in his pocket before throwing something my way. It landed in a jingling heap on my lap. They were my brother's dog tags. Oh shit…I took them off…

"Who are you? Cuz' I doubt you'd let the birth date be goofed on your brother's tags." I lifted them up and slid them over my head.

"I'm Skyla, Raif. That's who I am." I said slowly.

"Oh ya? And how am I suppose to believe that, huh? Last time I checked it was 1942, not 1981." I winced at the tone in his voice. "So, who are you? You sure as hell ain't Sky." I'd have no choice but to tell him.

"Raif…you're right I haven't been totally truthful with you, but I am Sky," I started taking a deep breath, here goes nothing. "Pull over somewhere." he shot me a look. "Seriously, please just pull over." he did as I said and pulled into a deserted looking parking lot.

"If you're Sky explain those tags." he pointed the tags. They were hanging limply against my shirt.

"The date on my brother's tags aren't goofed. He was born February 24th, 1981. He died in 2001 when I was fifteen. His plane was shot down by enemy fire." I didn't look at Raif, I was staring down at the tags. "After he died I strove to be a pilot. I didn't want to join in the military anymore. I own a plane which I'm contracted out to fly people to whatever remote locations their vacation house is located at. On my way home from a flight something went wrong with my plane." I could remember it clearly. The whistle of the wind, the clarity I felt when I knew I was going to die. "But…I never crashed. I ended up on a street in a small town in Tennessee." I did glance over at him now. I couldn't read the expression on his face.

"So, you're telling me you're from the future?" his eyebrows rose incredulously. I knew he wouldn't believe me, but I had to try. He needed to believe me.

"I knew the Japanese would bomb Pearl Harbor. I was at that air field before they dropped the first torpedo. I was readying those planes hours before we even heard the first shot. You guys barely understood the way I was dressed when you first met me. I say things that make no sense. I knew you had dyslexia." I stopped to breath. He looked conflicted now. "Where I come from…this is only a movie. Pearl Harbor actually happened, but this is the movie about it. The first time you flew a plane was when you were just playing around on your father's. You didn't mean to turn it on. Right afterward Danny was dragged away by his father and you hit him in the back with a two by four that was you're guys play propeller."

"I've never told you that…I doubt Danny has either." he murmured looking at the steering wheel.

"You didn't need to, I already knew about it. Just like how I knew you volunteered to go into the RAF." I stared at him now, trying to gauge his reactions to what I was saying. He was still staring at the steering wheel, a frown forming on his face. I knew I could say one thing that would make him believe me. "Out in the water…after your plane went down. You made a deal with God." his head snapped up, eyes wide. I looked away from him opting to stare at the sky. "You told him that you knew you were a fool for trying to be a hero, and you wouldn't do it again, if only you could see her face one more time. Just once…and you did." I sighed closing my eyes, remembering the emotional seen between Raif and Evelyn.

"How did you…" he trailed off. I swallowed over the growing lump in my throat.

"Because this was only a movie." I murmured, if only I hadn't come here. Raif wouldn't be here…sitting in a car in an empty parking lot. He wouldn't have to feel the painful stab of hurt every time he saw Evelyn. He'd be in that house with her…raising Danny's son as his own. I buried my head in my hands. "This was only a movie."

He didn't talk for a long time. We just sat there in the car, each in our own little world. I was struggling to keep my tears at bay. He didn't need to see them. They weren't meant for anyone. I was frustrated and tired. I don't know why I'm here. My little freak out the night before hadn't helped me. I was still clueless.

I wish I knew the answers again. I missed knowing what would happen. It was disconcerting to be in the dark after being in such a brightly lit room for so long. I knew nothing anymore, only what information I can remember about World War II. I didn't even know if the end of the movie was going to happen. Danny was alive to raise his son, would they move back to Tennessee? Most likely, his father had a farm out there as well. Would Raif move back? Take care of the farm when his mother passed? What would happen to me? I groaned as a distinct stabbing began in my temples. I didn't want to think of the what if's and maybe's anymore.

"Take me back," I croaked feeling rigid panic begin to claw it way up my body. "Please, just take m-me back." the car started up with a rumble. I kept my breathing short and shallow unwilling to take a deep breath, for I was sure if I did I would start sobbing.

I darted out of the car the moment he stopped in front of the house. I didn't say goodbye, I didn't wave, and I certainly didn't look back. The door was unlocked, probably Sandra leaving it open for me. I closed it quietly behind me. My back pressed against the wood as I continued to gasp for air. The coiling in my chest growing tighter. My hand clutched the fabric of my shirt trying to quell the painful beating of my heart.

"Sky?" a timid voice asked. A light flipped on making me squint against it. I glanced over where I knew the light switch was. Barbra stood in her nightgown and curlers. I drew in another pitiful breath feeling the world begin to waver. A ringing began in my ears. What was happening? Barbra was talking again but I couldn't hear her over the noise. I looked at her in confusion. Why couldn't I hear her? I opened my mouth to talk, but everything began to spin. The last thing I saw was the rapidly approaching floor before my world went black.

XxXxXx

I woke up in my bed with sunlight streaming through the window. Sandra was sitting precariously on the edge of the bed dabbing my forehead with a wet cloth. Her gaze met mine and she smiled softly. She stood off the bed putting the wet cloth in the water basin. "What happened?" I managed to ask sitting up. I was in my tank top and shorts.

"You fainted last night. Scared us all quite a bit." she explained. My eyebrows knitted together. I wasn't one to faint. "From an anxiety attack." my head snapped sharply towards her. What did she mean anxiety attack? I'd been through hell and I never had one. "It's common for those who've been through a traumatic experience." I hated her tone of voice. That professional impersonal way of speaking to another being had always pissed me off.

"I've never had a panic attack before." I suppose me screaming at the stars the other night wasn't very helpful either. Sandra sighed turning to face me. Her kind eyes set in an emotion I hadn't seen her give me before.

"Stop being so stubborn." I blinked bewilderedly. She'd never gotten angry before. "You're not made out of stone Sky so stop trying to act like it."

"Sandra-"

"No, you're going to listen to me." she stated forcefully. I swallowed out of reflex and nodded. "The man you love has a kid with another woman and they just got married. You're hurting yourself trying to act like that doesn't mean anything. Bottling it up will only hurt you in the end."

"Sandra, I understand you're concern." I threw my legs over the edge of the bed and stood. "I really do, but I'm okay. I really am, everything just got a little too real last night." I took a deep ready to lie through my teeth. "I accepted the fact that I can't be with Danny a long time ago. I'm happy for them, they deserve all the happiness in the world."

Sandra look conflicted. She didn't want to believe my untruthful words, but I'd been lying for years. Not many could tell when I was telling one anymore. It had become almost a habit for me to lie instead of tell the truth. Then she sighed accepting my lies humbly.

"Take it easy today, no working. You already have the day off." I nodded telling her thank you and goodbye as she left.

I got dressed in a pair of pants and a shirt. I wasn't in the mood to dress like a woman today. I pulled my hair into a low bun before tugging on my shoes. I was the only one in the house when I left. The rest of the girls already gone to work. Sandra must have waited for me to wake up before leaving. I did appreciate her concern. I wasn't very close to the women in the house, but they all treated me with kindness.

I was just a tad bit rough to properly fit in with them. Too many years of spending my time with only men had made my sides jagged. I wasn't classy like they were, and I didn't care that I wasn't. Making sure my hair looked nice, wearing make up, and trying to look fashionable was a great deal behind my other priorities. Thinking of the guys, my mind couldn't help but wander to Raif.

He knew the truth now. I was from the future. I didn't belong in this time. He had been so angry with me… Almost like I had betrayed him. It wasn't like I liked not saying anything about it. I might have been a pretty good liar but I still valued the truth. How could I face him now that he knew? Would he tell anyone else? I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration.

AN: At first I was going to have Danny be the one to find out she was from the future, but Raif seemed like a better alternative. Well review and tell me what you think.