Chapter 11: To Want

…

Sokka: "Pretty clouds."

Zuko: "Yeah. Fluffy."

…

The sound of Zuko falling on his face with an ugly grunt woke Nami, and she concealed her smirk behind a hand as the prince got up with a deep grimace, brushing the grass, dirt, and bush residue off his plain Earth Kingdom attire.

"I didn't find anything to eat," he complained to Iroh, who was oddly squatting before a white-and-red flower as though mesmerized. "I can't live like this! I wasn't meant to be a fugitive. This is impossible!" He threw up his hands in exasperation.

Nami sat up and stretched her arms. The two nights of having an actual bed had been nice, but she was used to sleeping on hard surfaces from the weeks floating on wood. Mostly she was just glad to be reunited with the two of them—there was no longer a hole in her chest.

Watching as Zuko kicked bad-naturedly at something on the ground, she giggled. "Were you expecting to find an all-you-can-eat fireflakes buffet out here, hotshot?"

The prince spun around to glare at her. "You think this is funny?" he spat.

"Oh no, not at all," she replied. "Our situation is utterly dire! There are no servants, no silver seafood platters! How shall we ever survive?"

Zuko's cheeks reddened with offense. "You find food out here, then, if you're so clever!" he exclaimed angrily.

She rolled her eyes. "Regrettably, the outlook isn't charming. I'm not really familiar with the area, but we could probably find some edible plants if we tried, not that that will suffice for very long. We don't have any hunting tools besides my knives, which aren't for throwing, but we might be able to make a snare."

Zuko kicked at some leaves on the ground. "Even if we got something, what would we do with it?"

She shrugged. "I could clean it. I know how. In theory. It's been a while."

He looked at her afresh. "You know how to—you know—cut up and skin something?"

Her expression was dry. "What, none of your fancy private tutors ever taught you to skin a rabbit?"

"No." He sighed. "But if we ever need an analysis on the influence of Prince Shotoku's rhetoric and the mikkyo on ancient philosophy, or a demonstration of formal calligraphy, or to simplify a mathematic theorem, I'm your man."

She giggled a little. "Well," she said finally, standing and brushing herself off, "normal people get jobs when they have no money, Your Princelyness."

He frowned. "I refuse to work like some Earth Kingdom mule."

She rolled her eyes, but then her gaze came to rest on Iroh who was still squatting in front of a plant. "What seems to be holding you so spellbound, Iroh?" she asked him.

"You're looking at the rare White Dragon Bush," Iroh replied, his low voice full of reverence. "Its leaves make a tea so delicious, it's heart-breaking." He clasped his hands together dramatically over his heart, but then frowned. "That or it's the White Jade Bush which is poisonous. Hmm…delectable tea or deadly poison?"

Nami and Zuko stared at him for a moment.

"How 'bout you don't find out the hard way, Iroh, okay?" Nami said, her eyebrows raised.

Iroh made an unintelligible hum in response.

"We need food, not tea," Zuko groaned. "I'm going fishing." He stomped away, and Nami followed.

"How do you suggest we go about this?" she asked curiously, a smile tugging at her lips. Zuko turned to throw her a look.

"I don't know. We find a creek and some long sticks."

"And what, build a bridge?"

"And spear fish!"

"Ah."

He glared at her. "Have a better idea?!"

She smirked. "You're the boss."

They found a wide stream in which small fish could be seen swimming in the clear water. Zuko began to rummage in the woods for some sticks. He came out a minute later and tossed her a long one with a decently pointed end. She took a few minutes to further sharpen the two spears with her knife. When she was done, she remained sitting, but Zuko gripped his own with both hands and stepped gingerly out onto a rock in the stream.

She watched him as she continued to sharpen hers. Zuko stuck out a bit of his tongue and bit down on it as he concentrated. Suddenly he lunged the stick into the creek with both hands. The stick snapped in two and he had to rear back, his arms flailing, to avoid falling in the water.

"Unfortunately there are no whales in the creek, Zuko, or you could javelin 'em all," she teased. He shot her a fierce glare as he snatched the pointed end of his broken stick out of the water.

"You see if you can do better!" he retorted.

Nami broke her stick to make it shorter, then stepped out onto another stone and squatted close to the water, holding her stick with one hand. She watched the small fish around her with darting eyes. Quick as a lightning strike, she plunged the stick into the water. It came up without a fish, however, and Zuko laughed at her.

"Yes, your skills are infinitely superior," he mocked.

Nami smiled and shrugged. "I've never tried to do this before. I guess I missed."

As she went back to sit on the ground, Zuko squatted as she had, his half-stick raised. He sat watching the fish for a long while before striking. He grinned widely when his stick came up with a small, wriggling fish on it.

"Nice reflexes," Nami commended. "I think that might fetch half a fritter. Want me to get a cookfire going?"

The prince sighed. "Well, I don't know what else to do." He looked at her as if suddenly struck by something. "How did you make your way before you met us?"

"I worked from place to place mostly, won money gambling, and once spent a week with an old red-headed deaf man who made pottery and the best curry I've ever had. Delightful fellow, if not a tad loose upstairs." She grinned. "Also, I generally keep money on me… I have enough of my earnings from when you last paid me to buy us food if half a fritter is the best we can do out here."

Zuko blinked at her. "That's right. You do have money, don't you? Well, forget this, then." He tossed the stick into the creek and she scowled at him.

"Hold it, hotshot. That's a last resort. I didn't spend weeks on a piece of driftwood to spend my earnings on your food."

He looked guiltily at her. "Alright, point taken." He walked over and sat down beside her in the grass.

"So," she said, gazing steadily at him and moving to lie on her back, her arms behind her head. "Do I finally get to hear what happened with the whole going home catastrophe?"

Zuko grimaced, looking away from her. "Azula lied. I got mad. That about covers it."

"Oh, come on."

He sighed. At first she thought he was not going to answer her, but then he admitted in a low voice, "When we were almost to the deck of her ship, the captain made a slip. He called Iroh and me 'the prisoners.' Iroh realized right away what was going on—like he had been expecting it—and he started to defend us from the soldiers who started to attack.

"I realized a moment later that it had all been a ruse by Azula to get us on the ship where she could take us prisoner. My father…my father probably told her to. She said he regretted… But he didn't. He just wanted me locked up so I wouldn't embarrass him anymore. He's ashamed of me." His voice had lowered to a slightly above a whisper.

Nami was still and quiet, waiting for him to go on. He cleared his throat and continued, "We fought. She was…well, she always has been more skilled at firebending. It's always been natural for her. She's a prodigy." His tone was bitter. "My father wishes she had been born a boy or I hadn't been born at all. Then she could be his heir."

"I saw the lightning," Nami muttered. "She's stupid to fight like that. It's too hard to control. Sure it's powerful, but it can so easily double back on the bender."

"Yeah, well, it's effortless for her, like everything is. But Iroh got the better of her and we escaped."

They lapsed into quiet.

"Nami," he said after a minute, looking down at a piece of grass he was picking apart, "why didn't you want to go with us back to the Fire Nation?"

"I don't consider the Nation my home, Zuko. I've spent the last few years staying out of it."

"Don't you have family there, though?"

She nodded grudgingly.

"You don't like them?"

"I like…one of them," she said carefully.

"But you don't…I mean, there's nothing here you really want to stay for, is there?"

"That's complicated."

He looked at her, trying to read her expression "And aren't you and I… I mean…aren't you friends with Iroh and stuff?"

"Yes," she sighed. "And I was sorry I probably would not see him again—see either of you again. But place would there be for me once you went back to the palace? You're the prince and the heir, and I'm—just me. Your friends are supposed to be people from the court and inner circles.

"You don't know me, Zuko, and it was presumptuous to assume that I'd want to go with you when there was no longer a reason for me to." Her heart hitched as she saw his face flash with pain before he turned it away from her. She backtracked, her pulse quickening. "I said that wrong. What I meant was… I don't know what I meant. I just don't like being in the Nation. But I understand that you didn't know that when you assumed I would want to go back.

"I… Well, the thing is, I did want to stay with you," she continued. "With you guys, I mean. And it wasn't until after you were walking away…" Say it, or you have just as much pride as the prince. She took a deep breath and said in a low rush, "that I realized how much it hurt to leave you. Both. I care about both of you. And I'm with you now even though you can't pay me. You need someone else to watch your back and make fun of you and be an insufferable know-it-all." She smiled. "We're friends. Aren't we?"

She looked at Zuko who shrugged, looking down. She continued to watch him until he met her gaze and rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, I guess," he conceded.

"You guess what? Say it, Princey."

"We're friends, alright? We're friends."

She grinned and elbowed him playfully. "Yeah. And for the record, who the hell cares what Ozai thinks of you? You've got a friend, a badass uncle, a more attractive new hairdo, and the world at your feet. So perk up, hotshot." She stood and walked back toward Iroh. Zuko followed quietly.

They came back to the little clearing fringed with trees and bushes where they had made their hasty camp last night, and came upon Iroh sitting in front of the same plant, his back toward them.

He heard their footsteps and said, "Remember that plant I thought might be tea?"

Nami and Zuko stopped in their tracks.

"You didn't," Zuko breathed.

"I did. And it wasn't." He turned toward them and the two reeled backwards when they saw his red, blotchy face.

"Iroh!" Nami exclaimed. "Gods!"

"When the rash spreads to my throat, I will stop breathing. But look what I found!" He held up a leafy bough with red barriers strung on bunches on it. "These are Pacuwi berries, known to cure the poison of the White Jade plant. That or Macaolei berries that cause blindness."

Zuko snatched the berries from him. "We're not taking any more chances with these plants!"

"We need to get some help," Nami said, her eyebrows pulling together in worry.

"But where are we going to go?" Iroh asked, scratching his stomach and legs. "We're enemies of the Earth Kingdom and fugitives from the Fire Nation."

"If the Earth Kingdom discovers us, they'll have us killed," Zuko stated.

"But if the Fire Nation discovers us, we'll be turned over to Azula," Iroh added.

They shared a look.

"Earth Kingdom it is," Zuko said.

…

After about ten minutes of hurried walking, they came upon a small town. Nami looked around and led them to the infirmary. They helped Iroh in and a young woman came quickly over to help them. She took one look at Iroh's spreading rash and began mixing a medicinal paste.

"What happened?" she asked. She had a light voice and her brown eyes were large and kind. She was a bit on the plump side but it suited her; it gave her features a soft, curving look.

"He attempted to make tea out of a red-and-white flower," Nami explained quickly.

The girl stared at Iroh. "Oh." She smiled and applied some of her paste to Iroh's rash. "You three must not be from around here. We know better than to touch the White Jade, much less make it into tea… So, where are you traveling from?"

Zuko jumped a little. "Yes! We're travelers."

"Do you have names?"

"Names?" Zuko faltered. "Of course we have names. I'm…Lee. And this is my uncle…Mushi."

Iroh leaned around the girl to glare at Zuko. "Yes," he retaliated. "But my nephew was named after his father, so we just call him Junior."

Zuko scowled at him. The girl swatted at Iroh's hand when he started to itch his chest again.

"I'm Nayu," Nami said.

The girl smiled at her. "That was my aunt's name. It's so pretty."

Nami smiled at her. "Thank you."

"Mushi, Junior, and Nayu, huh? My name is Song. You three look like you could use a good meal. Why don't you stay for dinner?"

"Sorry," Zuko replied. "We need to be moving on."

"That's too bad. My mother always makes too much roast duck."

"Where do you live, exactly?" Iroh asked, his swollen cheeks puffing out as he grinned.

…

Song's house was a quaint little place on the river that ran past the small town. The table was out on the porch and they sat down to eat by the light of hanging lanterns.

"My daughter tells me you're refugees," her mother said, sitting down at the table after serving them. She was an average woman with graying brown hair and the same kind voice as her daughter. "We were once refugees ourselves."

"When I was a little girl, the Fire Nation raided our farming village," Song explained. She was sitting across from Zuko and watched him so steadily that Nami had to work to keep her expression from slipping into a frown.

"All the men were taken away," she continued. "That was the last time I saw my father."

"I haven't seen my father in many years," Zuko said in a low voice, looking away from her.

"Oh," Song murmured in sympathy. "Is he fighting in the war?"

Iroh looked up from his food to watch his nephew, noodles hanging out of his mouth. Zuko set his bowl down slowly.

"Yeah," he replied.

After dinner, Zuko went to sit out alone on the porch along the side of the house a few yards from the water under the glow of the lanterns. Nami was about to join him when she saw Song walking through a door to the porch, and she stopped, sighing internally. She had no claim to him and they would soon leave anyway. She should not be selfish.

Turning to let them have their moment with a frown she could not quite suppress, she headed alone into the main sitting room barely lit by only one oil lamp. Licks of jealousy heated her stomach, but she ignored it. Iroh and Song's mother were still talking in the dining room, Iroh finishing up his second helping of dessert.

Nami understood what pulled Song to Zuko and him to her—the war had torn apart both their families. Nami had that in common with them both as well, though that story was not one she would ever be able to tell the prince.

She lowered herself into a comfortable chair, tucking a leg beneath her, and gazed thoughtfully at an intricate copper clock on a circular side table.

There would come a time when Zuko would discover her true allegiances. But she could not change who she was or what she believed was right, and so when that time came she would have to choose her principles over the prince. It did not matter how much she might come to care for him. There was a part of her that inevitably would drive a wedge between them. He would not understand, nor would he want to.

Nami sighed and shook her head slowly. She could hear the muted tones of Song's voice through the screen and then Zuko's low murmur reached her ears. She closed her eyes as jealousy stabbed her. She let it sit, hot and low in her belly; like a kettle of tea, it needed to cool before it could be swallowed.

There have been young men before this one and there will be more after him.

The world was not going to stop for her. It was not going to change for her.

…

"Thank you for the duck. It was excellent," Iroh said. The hum of crickets and light of fireflies filled the evening air. They stood outside Song's house, ready to depart.

"You're welcome," Song's mother replied, handing Iroh some more wrapped food for their journey. "It brings me joy to see someone eat my cooking with such…gusto." A smile was in her voice.

"Much practice," Iroh replied, patting his belly with a grin. He bowed to the woman very respectfully, as did Nami, but Zuko turned away.

"Junior, where are your manners?" Iroh scolded. "You need to thank these nice people."

Zuko turned and bowed curtly. "Thank you."

"I know you don't think there's any hope left in the world," Song said, "but there is hope. The Avatar has returned."

Nami glanced warily at the prince who had stopped in his tracks.

"I know," Zuko muttered, his back to them. He resumed walking away, Nami and Iroh following. After they had passed through the inner gate, they saw the little family's ostrich horse grazing beside its small stable, and Zuko stopped and looked at it. He then suddenly moved forward and took its reins in his hand.

"Zuko, no," Nami hissed, crossing her arms tightly.

"What are you doing?" Iroh demanded. "These people just showed you great kindness."

Zuko lifted himself up onto the horse. "They're about to show us a little more." He offered his hand to Iroh. "Well?"

Iroh sighed deeply, sadness on his face. He reluctantly took Zuko's hand and got up onto the horse behind his nephew.

"Zuko, you can't just take their horse," Nami snapped, a deep scowl on her features. "That's unkind."

"If you're so adverse to plan, you can walk," he replied.

"And what if I walk away?" she growled.

"I won't stop you."

"Is this how you were raised, Prince Zuko?" she asked in a hard voice. "To steal and to tell your friends you don't care about them?"

"Shut it," he growled. "I don't deserve a lecture from you, who's deserted her country and doesn't care about her family."

Nami clenched her jaw and said through her teeth, "You deserve a lot of things, Prince, not the least of which are a couple lessons in courtesy." She tangibly feel him getting angrier at her backtalk.

"I said shut up!" he exclaimed.

"Is that a royal command, O Most High? Do you know how much you sound like your sister when you bark at people like that?"

Zuko took sharp breaths through his nose, in and out, trying to get his temper under control. For once, he was the one who had the control and she was the one with the flaring temper.

"Nami, please," Iroh murmured.

"I can't believe you let him just take their horse, Iroh," she snapped, turning on him now.

"Nami," he said gently.

She fell silent, seething.

"What's your problem?" Zuko snapped.

She did not reply, but looked away toward the dark trees they passed. We should not have stolen this horse from those people, and you're a rude, thoughtless bastard. It would be a headache being at odds with him all night. Like Iroh, I have to suck up my pride to keep the spoiled prince happy. "I'm just tired," she replied curtly by way of an apology.

After a few minutes of walking in quiet, Nami gazed upward up at the dark sky peppered with stars and wrapped her arms around herself as she felt the cool of the night.

"Are we going to make camp somewhere around here?" she asked.

"No," Zuko answered. "I've had enough of the woods. I want to travel tonight to find another town to stay in."

Travel through the night? Nami groaned internally.

"All through the night, Prince Zuko?" Iroh asked dubiously.

"Yes, Uncle," he replied tersely. "You can sleep on the ostrich horse."

"I suppose," he conceded. "What about Nami?"

"I'm fine," she murmured.

"You just said you were tired," said Iroh. "You'll fit on the horse too—"

"If I keep my mouth shut, you won't even notice my crankiness," she interrupted, still irritable.

They traveled for a long while into the night. It became so dark that she could barely see in front of her, and every time she blinked she had to force her eyes back open. One hand rested on the ostrich horse walking beside her so she stayed with them. Iroh snored softly as he swayed in the saddle. Zuko was walking in front, leading the horse on a strict course.

Later in the night, Nami's dragging feet stumbled over uneven ground and she forced open her eyes. "Mmh?" she murmured. She realized groggily that Zuko was leading them off the path.

"I could hear a stream. The horse could use a drink," the prince explained softly. Nami didn't reply. She was barely conscious.

Zuko stood beside the horse as it bent its head to drink from the stream. He looked at Nami, her features just barely visible in the silvery light of the moon that bleached the surroundings shades of black and white. She was swaying slightly, her eyes closed, her hand loosely gripping one of the stay ropes from the saddle. She was probably going to fall on her face soon.

He walked quietly over to her and gently lifted one of her arms to drape over his shoulders. She barely opened her eyes as he snaked an arm under her knees, his other behind her back, and lifted her into his arms. Her head rolled forward against his shoulder and neck, her eyes closing fully again, and before lifting her up onto the saddle, he hesitated.

As the ostrich horse drank greedily from the stream, Zuko stood unmoving, holding the young woman in his arms. He gazed down into her features lit so softly in the moonlight it looked as if her skin were satin. He felt in equal parts afraid she would wake and catch him in this embarrassing position, and loathe to move her from his arms.

Her slim body was light and soft and wholly unfamiliar desires pulsed through him like his blood. Possessiveness. Affection. An urge to protect, to pull her against his chest and not let her leave the safety of his arms. The muscles of his face loosened until he could almost no longer feel them. They no longer held stress.

A light breeze made the loose branches in the trees above sigh as they moved, and it fluttered the black hair around her face. In response, she unconsciously shifted closer to him, her head snuggling against his shoulder, her hand reaching up to fall gently against his chest and drift down until it fell limply into her lap.

Zuko closed his eyes. He felt…greedy. He wanted this—wanted her. And why couldn't he? He felt closer to her than he had ever been with any other girl before. Looking at her made his pulse quicken, his blood race. It had caused him an actual physical ache when he had thought he was going home without her, and what he was feeling for her now…

No, he had not wanted to be distracted from his hunt for the Avatar, but he doubted she could distract him more than she already did. And no, he did not know how to go about this, nor did he know if she would even be receptive if he were to try… But gods, he wanted to try. And it was not as if girls were taboo. How often had his uncle hinted he should find a "lady friend"? It was a possibility. Nami was normal. Common, even. She was not someone he could remain with perpetually, but while he was out here, a fugitive, being with a commoner was not off-limits.

But how to even go about this? He had no prior experience and no clue how to proceed. He did not know if he would make a good…boyfriend. Likely not. On the most part, people annoyed him. He knew how obstinate, independent, and irritable he was. And he had never been really nice to her. They had had their moments, but overall…overall, he had no reason to believe she had romantic feelings for him.

Zuko held her up higher and tighter against his chest and neck and took a deep breath as a profound protectiveness settled inside him. Her head was resting against his neck and left jaw and he turned his head to smell her hair and press his mouth to her. Gods.

I wish she would stay exactly here and never leave my arms.

The ostrich horse shook its head restlessly, done drinking, and Zuko smoothly lifted Nami up onto the animal. She slumped forward against Iroh and her eyes opened a bit.

"Are we…in the…town…?" she mumbled.

"Not yet," he murmured back gently. But she was already asleep again.

He nudged the horse gently with a hand and pulled at one side of the reins, leading them back onto the path.

He led them through the night into town, under the dappled shadows of trees silhouetted against the pale moonlight.