Emma
Emma finally settled on pissed.
She had eaten the meal, slightly bitter about how wonderful it tasted, but stayed silent as Regina and Mal joked and chatted as though nothing was different.
She didn't have a choice. If she opened her mouth she would say something rude - or she would simply cut to the chase and yell.
She was livid.
She was hurt.
It didn't help that smug enjoyment was radiating from Mal like heat from a furnace. She had been pushing an agenda since she arrived and, look at that, she had won. Regina had taken down her barriers – she had started using Craft again without even speaking to her about it first.
Emma excused herself early that night, simply wanting her own space.
She got ready for bed but instead of sleeping spent a while watching television on her phone, trying to shake the betrayed hurt and anger from her shoulders.
Why hadn't they talked about this? They had talked a whole fucking lot when they decided to stop. Why hadn't they talked before this?
It was a long while before Regina finally appeared, clicking the door closed quietly and looking surprised and concerned when Emma wasn't asleep.
She got changed, constantly throwing glances at Emma before finally giving into the silence and sat at the foot of the bed.
"You're angry." It wasn't a question and it only made Emma angrier.
Emma wasn't sure how to respond. She had a list of things she wanted to say, but none of them felt appropriate. "Um... yeah."
"Why?" Regina breathed out and Emma could hear the confusion in her voice. "Because of dinner?"
Emma let her phone fall, ignoring the sounds of Peter Griffin's usual shenanigans and finally looked up into those deep, beautiful eyes. "Regina..."
Regina stood, clearly hearing the bitter note in Emma's voice and knowing the meaning. She began to pace, readying for the fight.
Emma, seeing that, sat up in bed and drew her legs up so she could wrap her arms around her knees.
"You just didn't bother to tell me. I mean, what the hell, Regina? I thought this was something we had decided together!"
Regina's feet paused. "Wait, what do you mean?"
"Didn't we decide that this was going to be put away until our kids were older? Why would you just start to do it again without even telling me?"
The awkward way that Regina played with her wedding ring let Emma know that she knew she was right. "It wasn't really a well thought out decision, Emma. I just -"
"Babe, I know that isn't true. You've been thinking about it since Mal got here. I just – I haven't known how to approach you about it."
"So what if I have?" Regina suddenly snapped, the former mayor glinting through her piercing eyes.
Emma drew back in surprise. "Okaaay." She steeled herself. "It's fucked up, Regina. It's fucked up that you made the choice to start again without me. We don't know if it is safe. Did you even talk to anyone? The Twins? Mr. Gold? Blue? Anyone? You had no way to know how just suddenly letting it go would affect you."
"Of course I did, Emma. I'm not a fool."
"Okay." Emma snapped back just as viciously, fairly sure Regina was not telling the truth. "Then can we discuss suddenly going back on a whole lifestyle change that we agreed on?"
"Oh, Emma." Regina scoffed, the dryness in her voice biting at her. "You just don't understand."
"What? Yes, I do."
"No. You don't."
"Yes, I do, Regina. I have the same headaches you do. I have the same itch. It hurts me just as much as it does you."
"Not as much as me! Never as much as me!"
"Okay, I know that. I get it, but we agreed!"
"You never liked it. You never used it!"
"So?" Emma cried too loudly and Regina's face grew fierce, probably all too aware of the listening ears on all sides of them. Emma snarled to herself. The last thing either wanted were listening ears. "Sorry."
Regina's eyes flashed. "This was my choice, Emma. Mine."
Emma frowned, stung as though she had just been slapped. Suddenly she wanted this fight to be over. She just wanted to go to bed. That comment had hurt her insides in a way that she didn't want to admit. She thought of Mal's smug face and her cheeks began to burn. "So, since when are we not a team anymore? Since when do we not make decisions about our children together?"
"Em..." Regina sighed.
"No, I get it. I can tell you exactly when that changed. Whatever." She didn't want to have this fight. She rolled over onto her pillows. If Regina wanted to fight she could do it with herself. "You should have talked to me."
Regina said her name a few times, but Emma didn't respond, suddenly tired all the way down into her bones.
Was this safe? She didn't know. What would this mean?
Finally Regina gave in, muttering a few things about childish behavior and double standards. It took a few moments but she got into bed as well, lying as far from Emma as possible.
The light clicked off without Regina needing to touch it and Emma pursed her lips.
She couldn't say how long she lay there, stiff as a board and glaring into the darkness of their room before she finally gave into a tense sleep.
The next morning she woke late and exhausted.
For once, Regina had woken before Emma, a very bad sign.
She dressed and went to check on the kids, but apparently Regina had gotten them up and ready for the day.
As a matter of fact, the house was empty.
Emma stood in the middle of the kitchen, dazed and increasingly upset.
She tried to take advantage and get some chores done but it was too silent and her mind was too big.
Emma decided it was time to get out of the house. She threw on her sneakers, glaring at them resentfully and started to walk.
She wasn't surprised at all when her feet took her straight to Mary-Margaret's house.
"Well, hi stranger." Mary-Margaret said with a sweet smile upon opening the door.
"I know it's been a while. I'm sorry. It's a bit harder with Mal around."
"Yeaaah." Mary-Margaret breathed, following Emma to the couch where they usually sat. "I saw this morning that she was still here. How long do you think she's staying?"
Emma just shrugged, grumpy. She didn't want to talk about Mal right now.
"Uh oh."
"Sorry."
"No, no. Don't apologize. What's wrong?"
Mary-Margaret had been the first person to welcome young Emma when she and Henry had first moved to town. At the time, she and her now husband had been going through a rocky patch while he separated from his now ex-wife and, therefore, it was the need of a confidant that brought them together. They had been best friends ever since, despite the fact that Mary-Margaret was sweet and a little conventional and Emma was, well, Emma. As a matter of fact, before Emma and Henry had moved into 108 Mifflin they had spent a few months living in Mary-Margaret's guest room.
"I don't know." Emma grumbled, grabbing her hair and yanking it into a ponytail. "Maybe I'm overreacting."
"Well-"
"Regina started using her Craft again last night." She blurt, cutting her off.
Mary-Margaret's face blanched milky white. "My goodness! How did you guys come to that agreement? Should I – should I be worried? ...The clock tower..."
Emma gave a rude scoff. "Well, that's the thing. I don't know because we didn't. I kind of thought that Regina was considering it but... we didn't talk about it. Not once."
Mary-Margaret gaped, "So she just picked it back up... without you? My. That ex-girlfriend of her must have a strong pull over her."
Emma scowled, her anger flip-flopping in her stomach. She didn't like that her friend had come to the same conclusion that she had. "Fuck, I hope that's not it."
"I suppose..." Mary-Margaret started slowly, "that it doesn't have to mean anything worrisome. They are very old friends. She probably just reminded Regina of something that she wasn't anymore. I wouldn't be surprised if once Maleficent left, Regina were to put it away again. It's just a midlife crisis, of sorts." She gave a little smile and Emma wasn't sure if she felt better seeing it.
"I don't know, M.M., it was painful the first time. She was so sick. I don't know if I would want to do it again. And even if I could, that would be all well and good and - everything - but what do I do about the fact that my wife made this choice completely without me? I mean, what the hell?"
Mary-Margaret studied her for a long while, and under the gaze Emma debated if she was perhaps she was whining more than she had a right to.
"Do you think Regina was embarrassed?"
"What?" The question had not been what she had seen coming.
"Maybe the reason Regina didn't say anything was because she felt foolish."
"Honestly, I kind of assume so. But is it crazy to expect her to discuss this with me? This isn't like getting a new outfit or even a new car. We agreed that we would stop because everything has a price, every little bit can be dangerous."
"What did you say to her when you found out?"
"We fought. She told me it was her decision to make."
"Oh, I see." Mary-Margaret's eyelashes fluttered uncertainly.
"Yeah, so. I don't know."
Emma's phone began to vibrate in her pocket. She pulled it out and was pleased to see a text from Regina. The text message read: "I don't know if you're awake yet, but if you are, we are all at the lake feeding the ducks. Join us, if you would like." The text was clipped and showed no sign of Regina's usual loving warmth.
Emma scowled, her mood dropping even further. "That's great." She grumbled. "Apparently, they're all at the lake feeding the ducks."
"Oh," was all that Mary-Margaret said, looking pointedly across the room.
"Yeah." Emma didn't like that either.
"I didn't know the ducks were back already."
Emma just made a noise in her throat, a little embarrassed and more than ever uneasy.
As usual, Ollie was the most excited to see her when she showed up, a bag of bread heels from Mary-Margaret over her shoulder and an appraising look on her face.
'Mooooommmy! Look!" Oliver threw a handful of torn up bread at the ducks, pelting them with sourdough and then squealed as they all ran and stumbled to gobble up the treat.
"I'll save you!" Emma cried, tickling his sides and throwing him up onto her shoulders with ease.
"I hope you don't mind that we came." Regina said in a low voice so Mal, who was five feet away with Henry, wouldn't hear. "We just didn't want to wake you up."
Emma didn't say anything and instead gave a slow nod, pulling out a heel for Ollie.
"Look, Emma, I'm sor-"
Emma roared and swung Oliver off her shoulders making him scream and break into fits of laughter. "Why don't you see if your brother has some more bread, sweet pea? Bring this in case he doesn't."
He ran across to him, completely unaware of the tension between his mothers.
"Are you?" Emma asked in a harsh whisper. "Are you, Regina?"
Regina's lips pressed into a thin menacing line.
"Look, if you want to talk about it then let's talk about it. But not here, not in front of your ex-girlfriend and the children."
"My ex-girlfriend? Since when is she my ex-girlfriend instead of simply my friend - our friend!"
"Since it began to seem like you and Mal made the choice to start using Craft again without me," she hissed back, on the tail of Regina's sentence.
Her wife's color rose until her eyes flashed, sparking and flaring as though any moment they would be overtaken by purple mist. Regina stared at Emma for a long while, but Emma refused to back down, enraged. This was her wife! They were a team. Fight or not, weird life changing choice or not, that was still true.
Finally, Regina looked around Emma to Mal. She gave her a meaningful look and nodded once. Emma's ire rose, once angry now past the point of reason. Had Regina really just done that?
She didn't think it was possible for her to grow anymore angry - that was until Regina swished her hands and both Regina and herself disappeared.
One moment Emma was in the cool breeze beside the lake and the next she was standing in her living room across from her wife who had appeared, already sitting, poised on the couch.
"You did not just do that! Our children! Did you really just leave all three of our children with that woman? Isn't that another thing you should probably discuss with me?"
"That woman?"
"Yes, that woman, Regina! You might know her, but I don't! I am not comfortable with this!"
"Emma!" Regina barked, her hands slashing through the air like a gravel coming down on a podium. "Can you just stop so we can talk, please?"
Emma didn't feel like talking, she felt like breaking something, but Regina didn't really give her a lot of choice. Immediately Regina began speaking. "We never agreed we would put away Craft forever, Emma."
"What? I never said we did!"
"Then I cannot for the life of me understand why you're so damn angry about this!"
"Because you left me out!" Regina just stared at her so Emma continued. "We decided if we were going to use cloth diapers or disposable with both Ollie and Bonnie - together. We decided that Henry could go out for soccer instead of football - together. We decided whether or not it was all right for our son to shop in the girl's section - together. We decided to give up Craft - both of us – together. Why are you acting like it's strange that I would want a say in it now? Why are you acting, Regina, like we didn't have good reason?"
Regina continued to stare for a long while before she deflated, her shoulders falling. "Okay."
"Okay?"
"It wasn't exactly been planned, Emma!" Regina snapped, louder than she had expected. "It just kind of happened!"
"What the hell does that mean, Regina? You're a grown woman, take responsibility for your own actions!"
"It means that I had not expected... ugh! Yes, I had been - toying with it, I admit that well enough. But the night before last I went - I went to-"
"To your vault. Oh don't look so surprised, I could smell the place on you when you came home. It smells like a college library date."
"All right, fine. I went to my vault. I just wanted to think. I began to - I was just creating balls of witchfire and I suppose I made one too big or held it too long because the next thing I knew I was on the floor."
"What?" Emma didn't want her anger to be marred, but suddenly it was knocked askew.
"I think that it – it overtook me." Regina blew by as she rushed them out, not making eye contact. "And when I woke up it was back, all right. The damage was done. It's back."
Emma stared at her in disbelief. "That's why you were so sick?"
"I don't know."
Nervous tension filled Emma's gut and she didn't know if she wanted to hug her or smack her. She wanted to tell her about Mal and the smug attitude she now held. about the fact that she was beginning to feel like the odd man out, but instead she settled on, "I didn't get a say about whether or not this is back in our life but I refuse not to be given a say in this. I am not okay with it being used on the kids. Absolutely not."
"That's fine, Emma." Regina was cool, steely again.
"Fine. Tell Mal to bring them back. Oliver's recital is starting soon."
Emma didn't really want Mal to join them for Ollie's recital. She was beginning to miss her life as it was before Mal's arrival. She was beginning to miss doing things as a family. It had been almost three weeks since Mal had arrived… that was a long time for company. Especially company like this. And this recital, it was too important to Ollie. No, she wanted this to be Mills family time. The only problem was she was the only one who wanted that.
She had hinted that perhaps this was something that Mal should sit out of, 'stay, relax, take a bath, watch a movie.' She had tried but upon hearing this Ollie's little face had screwed up, oh so hurt. "Noooo! You have to come! I have a solo! You have to see my costume!" He had cried, his bottom lip trembling.
So here they all were. Henry, Emma, Regina, Bonnie and Mal squished into the middle of the auditorium; Emma and Regina not exactly on speaking terms and Mal and Regina giggling and whispering like school girls.
The lights went down and a series of playful shushes floated from Regina and Mal as the youngest troop of children came clattering on stage and began to jump around, dancing awkwardly to the upbeat song.
As the classes continued, Emma's annoyance and frustration rose.
It wasn't exactly stimulating material they were watching and normally even Emma found that her eyes drooped a little when it wasn't her kid on stage. Tonight, however, she was wide awake.
Regina wasn't watching. She was too busy whispering with Mal and not only that but, Henry wasn't watching because of them.
She stared straight ahead, her arms crossed, her jaw locked as she felt more than watched Regina's head tilt toward Mal's, a laugh floating up from them.
What the actual fuck was happening with her wife the last few days? This recital was a huge one for Ollie. While he was, well he was technically a boy but his greatest life's ambition - according to his six-year-old self, was to dance en pointe. Male ballet dancers rarely danced predominately en pointe because of the weight and training differences between men and women, but that fact didn't stop him. No, he was insistent that he begin the training program that would get him ready and after a while his ballet mistress had agreed - if he could master the solo he had been given in this recital.
It meant everything to him. He had recently been given the male lead in their little company ballet and he had loved it. Now he wanted to conquer the female too.
A week ago or so it had meant everything to Regina too.
But now she was too busy hissing with Mal.
Emma's teeth ground. They were like that person in a dark movie theatre who kept checking their phone, distracting to everyone around them.
"What do you mean used to?" Emma heard Mal murmur with a titter. Mal reached up the thigh of her dress, drawing Emma's eye. She had been doing her best not to listen to what they were talking about, trying to stay present so at least one parent would know what had happened. Still, this sentence had caught her ear.
She didn't know why she was so shocked to see Mal pull out a black flask with a grin from under her dress and yet she was.
All Emma could think was, 'you've got to be kidding me'.
Mal took a quick drink and handed it to Regina. Regina paused, debating and then threw back a mouthful.
Was she six-fucking-teen?
Emma watched, appalled as Regina grimaced. Henry was laughing next to her, his face shocked and awe-struck. Emma elbowed him in the ribs but it was pointless. Though he sobered for a moment, she couldn't really fight his behavior when his other mother was the instigator.
The flask was handed back to Mal who took another sip and then, with enmity caught Emma's eye and offered it to her.
She shook her head quickly. Mal shrugged and without thought handed it to Henry.
He beamed like he had just been given a puppy for his birthday and before Emma could stop him, started to raise it to his lips as if he knew it would be taken away if he were not quick about it.
Regina laughed quietly and smacked her, taking the flask back before he could do anything with it. Emma couldn't believe her fucking eyes. Regina had just laughed. Uptight, formerly mayoral, I-keep-my-underwear-and-my-socks-in-different-drawers, A's-and-B's-are-the-only-acceptable-grades-for-my-children Regina had just laughed when someone offered their teenage son a drink.
"Excuse me, I don't mean to be rude." Eugenia's face suddenly appeared between the heads of Regina and Mal. "But isn't this your kid's dance recital? Can you put that the hell away?"
Emma flushed so deeply that her eyes began to sting. She hadn't been aware that Eugenia Lucas was sitting behind them. Regina looked a bit chastened, Henry went white, but Mal just scoffed.
Anger throbbed in Emma's temples, tears pricking at her eyes. "I'm sorry about that, Eugenia."
She didn't like the look of empathy that the gruff old woman gave her back, nor the way that she pat her arm.
God, she was tired of being pissed.
But Regina and Mal did not stop their childish behavior, even when it was time for Ollie's troop.
He stepped on stage, his hair brushed back, slightly too long, in a fluffy purple and pink tutu that matched all of the little girls on stage.
Pride swelled in Emma. He was so strong, so willing to be who he was. Where did a kid his age get that kind of strength? And he looked so happy. She let out a laugh and wasn't surprised at all to find it was a little soggy. He had worked so hard. She was sure for a moment that she saw the same happen to Regina. There was a smile on her face that rang with pride as she clapped like everyone else.
Then, two seats down from Emma, Mal began to laugh.
It started as a snicker and as it rose she felt Henry beside her go stiff. For a single moment Emma was proud of her son. He wasn't laughing. Only his stiffness twitched once, twice, and she realized with horror that along with Mal, Henry was laughing too.
On stage Ollie stepped forward and posed, glancing quickly back at Lindsay, his best friend. She gave him a reassuring nod and he took a deep breath, his foot behind him and his little arms up and out. Warmth flooded through Emma at the display of friendship. Thank god for Lindsey.
The music began and her small son started to leap and spin, slightly awkward in the movements, just as the rest of the children were, but looking as happy as Emma had ever seen him.
Distantly, Emma realized she could hear Mal laughing again, like an annoying fly that won't leave you alone at a barbecue.
There was nothing funny here. Ollie was actually pretty good.
"I don't know if you have noticed this, Regina, but your son is in a tutu." The whisper floated up from nowhere and it was too much.
Emma's fist clenched into balls, her teeth gnashing together as she waited for Regina to speak, to defend their child as she always did.
Only, Regina didn't.
Instead, she began to chuckle and Henry leaned in and whispered, "I know, right?"
Slowly Emma turned, unsure of exactly what her face was showing just then.
Regina turned toward her either to speak or to share in the laughter despite their fight, but Emma's face stopped her in her tracks. Regina's face registered confusion and that was all the worse.
Emma couldn't do it, not right now. She got up, hunched forward so as not to draw too much attention and joined Mary-Margaret who was four rows ahead of them.