I apologize for not updating when I said I would. From now on, just don't expect an update every day. I will try for once a week, try being the key word. Enjoy!

Today: Ferncloud from Fern & Dust + 7

Next: Leafstar, author of Why Naming Your Kit Something Weird is Good

-Mossy

(Also, a reviewer mentioned that they were upset about what I said concerning MLP last chapter. I am not against MLP in any way, but I'm not part of the fandom for it. I do not in any way hate MLP or think badly of it. Thank you.)

-chapter eleven-

Leafpool felt very sad, standing there in aisle 6 of the local craft store. In front of her were countless balls and rolls of yarn of endless colors.

"And knitting needles are in aisle two," droned the employee, Blossomfall, picking at a sticker that read "We're happy to help you!" on her vest.

"Ugh, so convenient. Of course items that should be together are four aisles apart," complained Feathertail once the tortoiseshell she-cat had trudged away.

Leafpool didn't hear either of them. She was trembling, amber eyes raking over the yarn again and again. Then she fell to the cold linoleum floor and rasped, "I can't do it! I'm too young!"

Feathertail arched a brow and yanked up Leafpool. The light brown tabby she-cat hung limply like a rag doll in the silver tabby's grasp, and when Feathertail let go of her, the ThunderClan cat fell back onto the yarn. Leafpool leaped up from the yarn like there was poison laced within each strand.

"Too young for what?" asked her friend.

Leafpool buried her face in her fore paws. "To be a grandma!"

Feathertail burst out laughing, and was so obnoxious that Blossomfall's manager, a very tight-lipped Millie, had to escort them out of the store. Outside, Leafpool stamped on an old piece of spit-out black gum stuck to the sidewalk. Except now it was stuck to her foot. She sighed, limping back to the car while trying to pull it off. Feathertail only stopped laughing when they pulled up at the studio.

"What is your problem?" Leafpool hissed, gladly smearing the gum she had gotten off her hind paw on the dashboard of Feathertail's car.

"You're so stereotypical!" snorted Feathertail. "You really think all grandmas knit?"

"Lionblaze, my son, is having kits, Feathertail!" Leafpool spat. "I think I'm gonna have to make little leaf-bare coats for them, right?"

Feathertail rolled her eyes. "I think Cinderheart and Lionblaze can buy coats from the store."

She climbed out of her Ponda* and together they walked into the studio. Leafpool grumbled, "Like you know what it's like."

Feathertail raised her eyebrows. "I may have died before I could have kits... and you do realize that would've been with Crowfeather, right?"

Leafpool nodded.

"Anyway, that doesn't mean I don't visit my niece and nephew often. You know, Pine and Lark, Stormfur's kits."

Leafpool nodded again, then gasped. "Did he and Brook ever work that thing out, with him copying the words from Breezepelt's book?"

Feathertail shook her head grimly. "No. I'm afraid they're getting a divorce. But Stormfur gets the kids for most of the time since he hired Berrynose as his lawyer in court."

Leafpool rolled her eyes, dilemma forgotten as she giggled. "No one could have guessed Berrynose would become an attorney, while his brother works at Herb Garden and Hazeltail claims to work at Mattress Leader."

For a moment Feathertail's smirk was replaced by a blink of confusion. "Didn't Mattress Leader close forty seasons ago?"

The light brown tabby nodded as she sat down in her armchair on the stage. Feathertail took her place across from her. They both were cackling as if someone had said Tigerstar was back from the dead dead. Mossyfire put in earplugs but waved cheerily to Jadecrystal as she trotted onto the stage, wincing at the obnoxious noise.

The two hosts didn't notice the black she-cat's arrival, so eventually Jadecrystal shouted, "You two are worse than Nightcloud!"

They immediately shut up, scowling at Jadecrystal as she snatched up the third armchair.

"That one's for the guest," Leafpool grumbled.

Jadecrystal arched her brow. "They can sit on the coffee table." She crossed one leg over the other and leaned forward to push aside their mugs. "There. Nice and comfy." When she looked up and saw their disbelieving gazes, she gaped at them in anger. "Oh, come on! I went on that stupid date with Crowfeather, and I'm still not on the show? You've got to be kidding me, Grandma and Star Eyes!"

Leafpool did a double take, and was cross-eyed for a moment as she checked her muzzle for gray hairs. Then she snapped at Jadecrystal, "Yes, you're on the show, but... what are the names for?"

Feathertail bared her teeth. "I know I'm not Grandma, so what's Star Eyes about?"

"Well, you're dead," Jadecrystal muttered. "Anyway, you guys get to call me a name, too, obviously." She shrugged innocently. "Thought it would be fun."

"Fine!" Feathertail meowed. "How about... RNC?"

Leafpool caught on right away. "Yes! Perfect!" She nodded at Mossyfire's signal for thirty seconds to filming.

Jadecrystal sighed and rolled her eyes. "Whatever. StarClan knows what it stands for, probably something idiotic."

After a couple more heartbeats, the camera light blinked on, and Leafpool and Feathertail started the show as usual. Then they introduced Jadecrystal.

"And here is RNC!" smiled Feathertail and Nightcloud together.

Jadecrystal nodded nonchalantly to the camera and then flicked her ears in her co-hosts' direction. "And Grandma and Star Eyes."

The audience burst out laughing, and with a grunt Leafpool welcomed Ferncloud on the show.

"Ugh, I can't believe it! Why would you have this weirdo from Fern & Dust + 7 on here?" Jadecrystal stuck out her tongue at Ferncloud, who just frowned and sat gingerly on the coffee table, facing the camera with her back to the hosts.

Leafpool glared at Jadecrystal. "Being the only other mother on this stage, I must say I can relate to Ferncloud here. Having kids is just so much fun!"

"Until they die," Ferncloud whispered creepily, her sunken green eyes drifting from place to place around the studio.

Leafpool shuddered. "Tell me about it. The one kit, the only one named after me, and my only daughter, is of course the one who died. Now she's stuck in some Dark Forest-cursed institution..."

Feathertail cleared her throat and kicked Leafpool. "Sooo, um, Ferncloud! Tell us about your... many... children."

Ferncloud's voice, when at a regular tone, was raspy and worn thin. "More like my many angels, Feathertail," the speckled gray queen said with a scratchy laugh that made the audience begin to cry. Swiftly Mossyfire tossed a bucketful of earplugs into the crowd. When the terrible noise stopped, the awful-sounding voice, unfortunately, continued. "My oldest son is Spiderleg, who is a careless son-of-a-" She bit her lip. "son-of-a-me- apparently considered an insult these days, heaven knows why- who doesn't care about his kits and mated with an even freakier nursery-addicted cream puff. The only smart thing he's ever done is divorce her. Um, then my other son, the first dead one, Shrewpaw. He was okay, I guess. Then there's my precious daughters, Larchkit and Hollykit."

Leafpool sniffed. "I named Hollyleaf after Hollykit," she lied.

Ferncloud sniffed, too. "Nobody buys that, dear," she responded. "Then Birchfall. Trained with the Dark Forest, the little scum. But he did father a prophecy cat- can't remember if it was Ivywing or Dovepool- so he's cool I suppose. Then Icecloud and Foxleap, my final litter. Too bad they were weak and died before they could give me grandkits."

Jadecrystal spoke like a robot, curling her lip at the next question, pre-written by Half Moon on her index card. "I know this may seem like a hard question... sweetheart, but which of your darling angels is your favorite?"

Before Ferncloud could reply, two toms burst onto the stage, pushing past the guard (Ashfur, so it was unsurprising they got past him). "Me!" exclaimed a black tom with a brown underbelly and mean amber eyes.

A light brown tabby tom with glittering copper optics snarled, "No, me!" He turned around and showed his butt to Ferncloud. "Look! I got a tattoo of your face that says 'Birchy's Mama' around it!"

"It's kinda small," Ferncloud remarked thoughtfully. She frowned sympathetically at him. "And I thought you told me it would say 'Birch Beer's Mama'."

"But that doesn't make any sense!" Birchfall protested, covering the tattoo again with his fur and turning to face his mother.

"I always called you Birch Beer," Ferncloud mumbled gently, obviously trying to make her son feel bad. "But whatever."

Spiderleg pushed Birchfall away. "I'm your oldest son, your first son, and your best son! And I got a tattoo for you too!" He thrust his muzzle in Ferncloud's face. "See these gray hairs? They're for you!"

Leafpool snorted. "All the stress she caused you?"

"What? No," spat Spiderleg. "Because Ferncloud's fur is gray, I made the hair gray on my muzzle."

Birchfur snorted. "Those hairs are just gray because you're old."

"I'm overwhelmed!" Ferncloud suddenly meowed, not yelling, just saying it. "I'm overwhelmed! I'm overwhelmed!" She continued to mew this as she got up from the coffee table and, shrugging off her sons, walked off the stage.

Feathertail, Leafpool, and Jadecrystal exchanged glances. Then they all exploded with giggles, causing Mossyfire to groan and replace her earplugs as she shut off the camera.

*Honda