A/N: This is set sometime in June or July 2006, almost two years since L's death in the manga.
-
-AdRenaline
U
S
h
May I hold you
as you fall to sleep,
when the world is closing in
and you can't breathe.
May I love you.
May I be your shield.
When no one can be found
may I lay you down.
- May I, Trading Yesterday
Chapter Ten
Mello rarely sleeps now. Burning daylight just contemplating and planning, and burning moonlight sitting on a worn little threadbare sofa. Just thinking too much. The living room has turned into something like his unofficial workspace. There are documents scattering the low table, the floor, papers spreading across a five foot radius around him. Although his eyes are burning for sleep, and Mello's head hurts like hell, he can't stop now.
He is thinking three steps ahead, plans that will, that must go against all Near will possibly have in his mind. Mello wants to be ready to expect the unexpected, to be able to adapt quickly and make things work to his advantage. Being familiar with Kira's case will ease off some of his burdens, but he knows he is getting nowhere. He hasn't a lead, and that, he knows, is the main reason he's been drawing blanks.
Mello's shoulders are tense and stiff. He shakes his head every so often to banish the vestiges of sleep. The urge grows in persistence as the minutes pass. His eyes are bloodshot and wild, caffeine, chocolate and vodka strong in his system to force a state of awareness, but they can only do so much. He runs his palm down his face, stifling a yawn.
"You're still at it," Hex's voice suddenly sounds in the room, sounding dubious and disapproving. He jolts slightly, startled by her. He's grown accustomed to barely hearing the sound of her footfalls, but he thinks he should have heard the door open. Did it? Mello doesn't remember.
He eyes her as she comes towards him. Hex is scrutinizing him carefully, studying every detail of his features with sleepless eyes that match his own. But this almost concerned expression disappears from her face too quickly, replaced by one smug, self-satisfied grin. "What?" she asks him, sensing his unabashed stare. "Missed me already?"
Mello snorts softly. "You only wish I did."
Sliding Mello's papers off of the arm of the couch haphazardly, she drapes her coat over it, enjoying the sight of Mello's defined scowl. Hex rolls her eyes. "I've been gone for three days, Melly-bean. A little 'welcome back, Hex' would be kind of nice, you know."
"You haven't been gone this long," Mello admits with slight hesitation. He does not say aloud how quiet is has been during her absence, how lifeless the apartment has been. "I suppose you've been busy?"She sinks into the loveseat across him with a contented sigh, stretching and sprawling on it like a lazy cat. Her smile never falters. Whatever has gotten her in such a good mood –or as good as her mood ever gets these days, a sour part of Mello thinks- should keep her like this.
It's been too long since she's smiled so freely.
"Pretty much. Ross assigned me another one of his odd jobs, this time, thankfully, something a little more down my lane." She sends him a toothy grin, flashing pearly whites. "I was beginning to think Ross was insulting my abilities." She retrieves a silver microchip encased in a clear silicon container from the hidden compartment of the heel of her boot. "I don't really care why Ross sent me after this thing- I hate details. It was something about funding and hackers.
"Yeah?"
Dropping the case onto the empty seat beside her, she nods vigorously, passionately. "Uh huh. So, I broke into this corporation full of nerdy legal hackers, and I found out that this chip was heavily guarded." She rolls her eyes, as if unimpressed by the security she's broken into. "Didn't take me long to get sick of waiting for an opening to steal it, so I fired up a gun." She grins, ignoring Mello's comment of 'of course you did'. "… Which eventually ended up with me obliterating the place with bombs. At least I eliminated the possibility of being tracked by them, eh?"
Mello shakes his head, indifferent to her tale. "Sure."
Hex pouts, leaning forward closer to him. "Melly-bean! Where the heck is your enthusiasm?"
"Saved up for something a little more exciting," he tells her with a smirk. "We already know you like finishing your jobs with a little flair- it gets kind of old after a while."
"Puh-lease," she huffs indignantly, but her eyes are still gleaming good-naturedly. "I'm not as predictable as you are, mister Willy Wonka." She looks pointedly to the half-eaten bar of chocolate on the table. She swings her feet to the arm of the loveseat in a swift motion. "But anyway, Ross called me just an hour ago. He wants me to tell you that he's approved of our request for appointing this first rate hacker."
"I suppose you chose not to mention that I had no part in the request," he makes quotation marks in the air. "'we' made."
She snickers, totally unashamed that she has been caught red handed. Hex has not been trying to hide it from him, either way. "What do you take me for?" She pretends to be offended. "I'm a freaking genius, Melly-bean!"
He snorts in amusement, his smirk widening into an almost smile. "So who's the hacker, and when'll he get to the base?"
"And you told me you knew everything," she tuts at him for his impatience. "Hackers are only associates of the mafia. They don't do face-to-face meetings unless absolutely necessary; anonymity reasons. You won't be seeing the hacker at all, if you want him at the base."
"What are you getting at?" he asks suspiciously.
She blinks at him innocently. "Since I think you would be so insistent on meeting him, I took the liberty of asking Matt to move in with us in two days. You know, so he-"
"Matt?" Mello thinks he has not heard her right. "Matt, as in-"
Hex looks only slightly irritated that she has been cut off from finishing. Retaliating, she finishes his sentence. "Third in line in L's succession, fourth generation. Matt, as in your Matt, Melly-bean." She winks suggestively.
"Quit with implying I'm gay," he informs her firmly, just so she will quit with the jokes already. Ever since his wearing of leather, and his defense for Jose's life, Hex has been poking at Mello about it. "And how the hell do you know if Matt wants a part in this?"
She grins mischievously. "I have my sources."
Mello deadpans, "You contacted him."
Hex sniffs. "Sometimes, I wish you were a little more fun."
"Sometimes," Mello counters, "I wish you think through things a little more."
Though a hacker of Matt's caliber is rare, and though Matt's abilities may prove to contribute to solving the Kira case, Mello's truth only spreads like a tiny spring; it can recoil so easily. After all, he has not seen Matt for almost as long as two years. Who knows, if Matt is already backing Near up for the case? As unlikely as the notion may be, there still might be a chance. What if this alliance between Matt and the mafia is simply a way to keep tabs on him for Near?
But Matt, despite their lack of contact, is still his best friend. Matt is a person he confides in, because Matt is a better listener than a speaker. Matt follows orders if they are just, and Mello is all but just, right? Mello also knows that Matt is nothing if not loyal, and he has been a loyal friend to Mello for years. Though Hex is excellent company, he misses Matt. (But of course, he does not say this aloud either.)
"Think shmink," she waves a hand childishly, pulling him out of his thoughts. She dismisses his suggestion without even considering it. "Don't offend me. I mean, I've been thinking with my guts for years and things have been turning out fine. That should count for something."
"And what would that be?"
Hex spares him a mildly irritated look, hating his stubborn refusal to just accept what she's done for them both. "At least I'm being productive. Personally, I think you're just jealous that my butt isn't glued to a chair like yours is."
"I compensate for it," Mello counters, humoring her subject by cozying himself on the couch. "At least I'm thinking through things instead of just making things up as I go halfway, like you seem so fond of doing."
"Naw," she snickers humorously, waving her hand in exaggerated motions. "You give me too much credit, Melly-bean. Didn't I tell you? I make things up all the way." She grins. "All your incessant planning will kill your brain cells. You've got to let yourself go sometimes, you know…Try and learn to live in the moment without worrying; you can do that later."
Mello lets his back mold into the seat, digesting her words thoughtfully. Her points are valid, but there are too many flaws to consider. Hex is too reckless whenever it comes to self preservation, too uncaring of whether she will live or die. Too ready to give up. Mello hates knowing that she will, if it comes to it. "And suppose later, I realize I've made a fatal mistake?" he shoots back.
She gives him a one-shouldered shrug. "So you've lived a good life. Things get out of hand sometimes, but when they do, try and take stride in it instead of worrying. It's better than living with planning and paranoia, and then suddenly die either way. Like all the measures you've taken for your safety was all for nothing… We'll be murdered eventually, given our professions, so get over it. It's just a waste of time. It's a disappointment."
He knows, subtly, she is referring to L, one of the only people Mello's ever cared for. The title L is Mello's life, and Hex is tearing that image down to their level of unimportance. Like L isn't so different from them. She might as well be right. L, spending an entire lifetime hiding behind a synthetic voice and letter, living in the shadows but always had been watching your every move.
Dying behind a synthetic voice and letter that can be so easily duplicated, forged, faked. All those unaware will not even miss L… Mello recalls how Roger has told him how L is dead. And L is dead, when he's sworn to solve the case. What happened to justice will prevail? Mello still wants to know. Where is justice with Kira?
Simple: there isn't.
"So you'd rather give up, and not fight for what you want? What if the paranoia's all worth it?" he questions with a tone of forced indifference. "Doesn't that make you coward, Hex: quitting?"
She frowns faintly, pulling off her gloves and she begins slowly massaging her palms. Mello sees that they are red from sustained pressure or use, swollen from having been strained too much, but he question. "I don't do things without a fight Mello, but even I have my limits… Quitting doesn't make anyone a coward," she murmurs, cocking her head aside curiously. "Does it?"
Tearing his eyes away from her, back to his papers, Mello thinks not to answer.
A silence blankets them as they contemplate. A thoughtful look crosses his features, leather clad fingers drumming against the surface of the low table. Mello glances at her once more before looking back to his papers, reading through each sheet quickly, but thoroughly, as if ready to just forget this debate between them. Neither will address the other's flaws and rights.
Hex decides to break the silence first. Of course. She is too impetuous. "What are you looking for, exactly?" She says this as she reads 'Reporters question: Where is L?' of one of the many papers upside down, changing the subject effectively.
Mello doesn't look away from the sheet in his hand. "I've been comparing the rates of heart attacks worldwide. The death toll is Japan is significantly higher than in other countries- I'm assuming Kira resides there. I just need to know where exactly."
Hex looks at him quizzically. "And you didn't think you could've just asked me?"
She was still training under Aiber and Wedy before L called, after all. She thinks Mello should have realized by now, that she knows all there is necessary to know about them, even all the places and locations they have ever been at. Hex remembers so clearly, how ready they have been to simply leave her in a hotel room in New York, thrusting a bagged two million in her hands and expecting her to know what to do with herself. Hex had felt so stupid then.
"L called," Aiber's cool voice still rings in her ears. She remembers how he strode right into the hotel room, carry case ready in hand. It had been the first time she had seen him in two weeks, and already, he was going to leave again, only this time, not alone. "He wants our assistance in the Kira investigation."
And she recalls Wedy sighing in frustration, but packing up her things already. Because this was L they were about to help, and they would help him without question. L keeps track of all the crimes they have committed after all, and it wouldn't do for them to oppose to his requests too regularly. All the evidence (made up or otherwise) L had gathered was enough to keep them in prison for life. Because while Wedy and Aiber were working for L, they were still criminals, above all else.
When they left, Hex finally had a gun in her hands, and no one was going to stop her from anything. ("You'll be fine!" Aiber had said. "We'll be back before long," Wedy had said.) But Hex is growing up without them just fine now. Shaking off her thoughts, and falling back to the present, Hex answers. "Kira's in Kanto."
Mello grits his teeth in aggravation, locking his eyes with hers. They are screaming his fatigue, and Hex contemplates just knocking him out so he will sleep a little. "Why the hell didn't you just tell me?"
"How was I supposed to know you didn't know that? Doesn't L ever tell you successors anything?" she raises an eyebrow at him daringly, sounding so innocent with her words. Hex honestly isn't so surprised that L has told his successors nothing- Aiber's told her, L has never been one to burden others with worries. "Either way, it's not like you even asked."
"That's not an excuse."
She grins. "But I'm right."
He rolls his eyes at her, shoving away a half of the papers Hex assumes is about Kira's whereabouts. He won't need them anymore, now she has disclosed that piece of information . "Anything else you might want to tell me?" Mello looks like a child; eager for anything else he can learn.
She puts a finger to her lower lip, thinking of anything else that might be worth mentioning. While Hex has little to no interest in solving the case, like Mello seems to obsessively have, she does want her mentors avenged. Hex guesses by telling all she knows, months of research and investigating would be killed, and they will be closer to their goal than before.
Mello will probably like getting the upper hand over Near anyway. Maybe enough for him to be in a better mood, to want to rest tonight.
"Both Wedy and Aiber were involved in the capture of the third Kira-"
"There were three?" Mello asks incredulously, eyes widening. "There hasn't-"
She pouts, brow furrowing angrily and she snaps at him. "Don't interrupt me, Melly-bean, or I'll shut up." That effectively quiets him, if only for the moment. Hex smirks now, amused at his rare, easy compliance. "Yeah, three, but that was two years ago- I don't know how many there are now…" she pauses thoughtfully. "So, the third Kira was a dude in the Yotsuma…
"Yotsuba," Mello corrects hastily, ignoring her slight glare.
"Whatever," she exaggerates the word. "It was a corporation, and there was this guy called Higuchi." Mello starts to search through an untouched stack of papers for that information. She stops him. "L made sure that the media knows nothing about the case or Higuchi, other than the fact he was Kira."
Wedy has told her all this; she believed Hex has had a right to know. Aiber disagreed to that, and preferred keeping tight-lidded as not to worry Hex, but she has never liked being out of the loop for anything. Shaking her head, she thinks hard about the last things she remembers Wedy telling her. "Wedy said something about a notebook. Higuchi had it with him the night he was murdered."
Mello looks confused. She can't blame him at all, because it sounds ridiculous, even for her. "What does a notebook have to do with Kira?" he questions, the same question imprinted in her mind.
"Heck if I know," she says. "But Wedy said it was called a Death Note. She said Higuchi used it as a sort of weapon, said it had a power or something." She mentally kicks herself for sounding so incompetent and stupid. "Wedy didn't elaborate- L didn't approve of her telling me those things as it was. Seriously, I don't blame him; it sounds like garbage."
"A Death Note," Mello wonders breathlessly, sounding excited, enthralled, and a genuine smile finds his lips. He reaches for his laptop on the table, brimming with excitement. In an immediate show of enthusiasm, he looks at her with wild eyes. "Hex, don't you see? The Death Note is what Kira uses to kill!"
She is already in front of him, palm placed on the top of the laptop so he is unable to switch it on. "Jumping to conclusions already, Melly-bean?" Hex smirks in amusement. "I'm liking your attitude already."
"No, no," he shakes his head wildly, insistent. He looks pretty psyched out by all she's told him, like he's ready to take on anything. Still, Mello looks dead on his feet, and she thinks if he keeps at it without any sort of rest soon, he'll crash. "Don't you get it, Hex? Kira's 'power' derives from the Death Note. If we can obtain it, we'll-"
"Do it, but we'll do it some other time," Hex clicks her tongue, pulling the laptop away from him with slight trouble. "Melly-bean, it's four in the morning. You're about to pass out. You need to-"
Mello protests. "I'm fine. Hex, we've got a lead! We can't stop now!"
"Yes, we can," she says through her teeth, reminding herself to keep her temper in check. She grips the device tight in her hands. "If you don't get up off your ass and go to bed, I'll break this thing into pieces." It isn't an empty threat, she knows he realizes. Hex is all too aware of the information of valuable contacts, relevant documents and files kept in the laptop, but if he doesn't take the initiative to listen to her now, then it's his sorry loss.
He tries to stare her down with a dark look in his eyes. Mello sets his jaw, brows furrowed in frustration. Then, finally, a grudging, "Fine," is spat out. Hex watches him for a moment, just to clarify if he will go against his own word. There is none she finds. Satisfied, she sets the laptop down onto the table and grabs his arm instead.
Before he can say another word, she already has his arm in an iron grip. She tugs him into the bedroom, a distasteful scowl still worn on her lips. Pushing him roughly to sit on the bed, she warns him. "Try anything funny, and I'll slap you. Seriously." She turns on her heel and marches into the kitchen, but not before she hears Mello ask what she intends to do.
Hex keeps silent. Stonily keeping her back covering his view of her doings. Hex pulls a bag of pills from the kitchen drawer and begins to crush one as the hot water boils. She fixes hot chocolate for two, proceeding to pour the powdery residue of pills in one large mug. Looking over her shoulder, she sees that across the corridor, Mello is still unmoving on the bed.
She quells the bubbling feeling of guilt in her ribcage.
Hex retreats into the room shoving Mello's drink in his hands. Mello doesn't suspect. He downs the hot chocolate in large gulps, hardly caring that the liquid is maybe scalding his tongue. Hex scoffs, sipping her own untainted drink slowly. "Melly-bean, Don't think I'll be doing any of this crap for you again too soon; I spoil you too much already."
She is simply watching him.
It only takes mere minutes for Mello's eyes to blearily peer at her, half-lidded and drowsy. Hex thinks it will be before long until he falls asleep. "You… You drugged me?" Hex isn't surprised he already realizes, albeit belatedly; he isn't a genius for nothing. He is fighting a losing battle for consciousness, mind sleepier than ever, she knows. His thoughts are slowly going sluggish, and Hex has no doubt he will forget her slipping him a pill tomorrow morning.
"It's a sleeping pill, Mello," she murmurs. "You wouldn't have gone to sleep otherwise."
"I hate you," is the last thing he says for the night. He slowly lies himself down onto the bed, closing his eyes slowly. It isn't too long before she hears his soft snoring and deep breathing- Mello must be almost too tired. Hex thinks he will have a dreamless sleep tonight.
Hex snorts softly, not at all believing him. "I love you too."
TBC
Hex's sudden niceness is a product of her 'manning up' (That sounded weird, haha), or maybe she's plotting something. . Before I forget, Mello and Hex have an apartment they stay in- they don't trust the mafia enough to sleep there. Ahem, comments and constructive criticism will be greatly appreciated.
A special thanks to the reviewers:
C. Holywell-Black: Thank you! :D This chapter was a little on the fluffy side, but knowing me, it won't stick long. *cackles* The tension will return with a vengeance.
Overboard 343: I don't like Jack much either, but he's going to have a role. Someone shoot me for that, haha. I'm saying nothing about the romance just yet. ;D
PocketfullaMisery: I feel kind of bad for Hex, for having Mello lie to her. Geez, the characters end up writing themselves sometimes. Hex and Mello don't seem to like getting along, do they? :P Still, I guess you could say they almost got along in this chapter, eh?
Preview:
The teen looks at him through his gold goggled eyes, leather gloved hands shoved protectively into the front pockets of his baggy jeans. Matt's hair is in wild disarray, tousled by the wind. He smiles uncomfortably, but warmly, and teases him. "Come on, Mels. You can't say you aren't glad to see me, can you?"
Review if you think Mello makes leather look sexier. :D