I just want to stay,
I just want to keep this dream in me...

-Losing Your Memory, Ryan Star

Midgar was as dirty and ugly as it had always been.

Cissnei wandered at random, leaving no street untaken, no back alley unexplored. She was reminded of when she'd first left the Turks; wandering, lost, searching for... what? Maybe a reason to believe that the world was a better place than she had come to see it as. Whatever it was, she wasn't finding it in Midgar's overturned trash cans and dull grey walls.

Maybe she was looking for some of the beauty she had lost when she had lost Zack. It was foolish to expect to find that in the Midgar slums, of course. Maybe foolish to expect to find it again anywhere. But Cissnei wasn't certain she was able to stop searching.

You're far too fond of lost causes, Cissnei. She'd never been able to give up hope on Zack until she'd seen his body, and then...

Why am I thinking about these things? I should be deciding what to do next. Do I stay with AVALANCHE? Do I leave again? Leaving wouldn't help them unless Shinra knows I'm no longer with them. But how, exactly, could she let them know? 'Hey President, I'm that terrorist girl who tried to shoot you and was formerly with the Turks, but I'm not a terrorist anymore, so I just dropped by to let you know that. I'll be going now, if that's all right with you.' That would be a very good way to herself executed without actually achieving anything.

I've been through here already. She recognised the sudden, shoddy change in cobbling, the loose-hanging sign over a nearby inn, the valiant attempt someone had made at growing a garden. Valiant, but failed. Only Aerith could grow flowers in the slums. Aerith had a talent at effortlessly getting all the things that others struggled futilely for. She didn't even realise it. Yet another reason Cissnei was jealous. It was an ugly feeling, she knew, but she couldn't squash it. Aerith had always been so perfect in every way, and being assigned to watch her had only ever rubbed salt on the wound. A pretty, naive, sheltered girl with the perfect boyfriend who believed in happy endings and brightened up the slums...

Cissnei may have disliked Aerith, but she had to admit that her flowers were beautiful. She felt a sudden urge to visit Aerith's church. Zack had always gone there for comfort...

Why am I thinking about this? What was more immediately pressing was that it appeared she had been going in circles. Not that that bothered her, since she didn't have any particular aim, but she had told Tifa she'd be back soon, and she was pretty sure the time she'd alotted herself for wandering had run out long ago.

"Well... this is Sector Seven."

"Thank you. I suppose I'd better get going, then," Cloud said a little awkwardly. Honestly, he wasn't sure he wanted to part with Aerith yet, but he knew he should at least let Tifa know he was safe. She would be worried. "Will you be all right?" Maybe Aerith was tough, but he didn't want to leave a young woman alone in the slums.

"'Whatever will I do!'" Aerith rolled her eyes. "You want me to say that?"

Cloud sighed, afraid he'd offended her and ready to apologise, but she looked more amused than anything. Aerith cocked her head to the side thoughtfully, still smiling, and Cloud watched nervously. When Aerith got that look, he was beginning to learn, it meant she'd decided on something and would not be swayed. For a seemingly gentle flower girl, the depth of her stubborness were... impressive, to say the least. "Hmm... If you're so worried about me, you could always bring me with you."

Cloud felt a chill run through him. Take Aerith into AVALANCHE's headquaters? If his experience with her so far was anything to go by, she'd probably try to force them to let her join. And then he'd have a very angry Elmyra coming after him with an axe.

Though... he could take her to Seventh Heaven, but make sure she never found out it was really used as a headquaters. That would probably be easier than trying to oppose her. "...All right. You can come."

"Great!" She moved forwards, then stopped, softly biting her lower lip. "I won't be in your way, though, will I?"

Well... yeah. Kind of. But I don't mind. "What do you mean, in my way?"

"Never mind!" Aerith jumped to her feet before Cloud could change his mind and ran ahead. Cloud followed in bemusement. In her own way, Aerith was as confusing as Cissnei. She wasn't mysterious, just... a little more than Cloud was sure that he could handle. I shouldn't be getting distracted. I need to find Tifa and let her know I'm all right.

A few minutes later, Aerith stopped walking and moved to the side to climb up onto a slide by the side of the road. "Cloud! Let's take a break."

Cloud sighed. Already? He wasn't going to get anywhere if Aerith kept stopping, delaying, and generally distracting him. "I can't believe this thing is still here."

Reluctantly, Cloud joined Aerith where she was perched on the slide. Aerith tilted her head slightly to look at him. "So... Cloud." His name came out soft and playful. He liked the way it sounded when she said it. "What rank were you?"

"Rank?" Cloud blinked, pulling himself out of her green eyes. Stop staring. You're probably freaking her out.

"You know." Aerith turned slightly so she was facing him fully. "In SOLDIER."

"Oh." Cloud frowned for a second, trying to remember. "...First Class," he said as the answer finally came to him. For some reason his thoughts were beginning to jumble.

"Ah." A small, sad smile graced Aerith's features for a split second. Cloud wished it had lasted longer. It was every bit as beautiful as her normal, friendly, cheerful smile, if not more so. "Just like him, then."

Cloud sighed. He didn't think he could handle another mystery. "Who?" he asked, trying to keep his annoyance out of his tone, but he wasn't sure he succeeded.

"My first boyfriend."

Cloud resisted the urge to rub his temples. "Not Zack Fair, right?"

He'd expected confusion, maybe a denial. He hadn't expected for his guess to actually be right, and he certainly hadn't expected Aerith's reaction. She looked up, barely stifling a gasp, and her eyes widened. "You know him?" She looked away for a few seconds, tugging nervously at her dress. "Do you... know where he is?"

"Uh - sorry, no, I don't know him. Just heard about him." This... explains absolutely nothing. If anything, it just raises more questions.

"Oh." Aerith glanced away in disappointment, then turned back to him, smiling brightly. "Well, never mind. I've moved on anyways. Say... have you ever dated anyone before?"

Cloud couldn't miss the mischevious glint in her eyes. No matter what he said, he was going to get teased about it. "I - no, I..." he began to stammer. Aerith grinned, then paused as something beeped. "Sorry, give me a second." She dug out her phone from her pocket, then frowned. "Huh. It says 'Number Blocked'."

Okay, I'd better try to figure out where I am. The others will be getting worried.

Cissnei frowned. It wasn't like her to get lost. Even at her most distracted, she always felt uneasy not knowing exactly where she was. She didn't just walk around with her head in the clouds.

Or, at least, she hadn't used to. She didn't know how much she still had in common with the girl she'd been as a Turk. She didn't know how much of that girl she wanted to keep. One thing is for sure, though: I still dislike uncertainty. Not knowing things tied her stomach in knots. Not knowing what was coming, not having understood Cloud, not knowing what she should do. Though, perhaps, she had never really known what to do. That was what had made her such a good Turk. She'd followed her orders to the letter, never hesitating, never complaining.

The perfect tool. No dreams or goals or complicated emotions. Well, perhaps not quite no dreams. She'd always dreamt of escape. Flying away. The first time she'd met Zack she'd fought a fallen angel, and had perhaps for the first time in her life had an emotional reaction to a mission: pity. It was so typical of life: you get an angel's wings but the dream ends up twisted and broken.

You get to be a hero, but it costs you your life and then no one remembers you.

Her head was still a mess. She'd thought walking would help her sort her thoughts out, but they just kept getting more tangled and confused.

There's someone ahead. Ask them for directions.

Cissnei blinked. There was, indeed, a man on the road in front of her. She couldn't see him very well, but with his too-bright red hair and suit he looked a lot like... Reno. No, he looked exactly like Reno. Cissnei could draw no better conclusion than that it was Reno.

Suspicious. Of course, anything Reno did qualified as suspicious, simply by virtue of it having been done by Reno, but him creeping around Sector Seven was especially suspicious.

She could keep trying to find her way back. Report having seen him to Barrett, let him make the decisions. She could just ignore him and avoid a confrontation. Whatever he was doing, it probably didn't affect her, but if he saw her things would get complicated very quickly. He'd be expected to try to kill her on sight. She'd have to defend herself, and the only weapon she had was a gun...

She should just let it go, she decided. Keep walking. Pretend she hadn't seen him sneaking.

But I don't know what he's doing. AVALANCHE could be in danger. It's clear the President is beginning to see us as a threat. Unbidden, her mind called up images of Jessie, quietly concerned, Jessie teasing, Tifa nervously jumping out of a train, Biggs trying to look out for her. She'd only known them for a few days. She should have found it easy to just forget about it all and turn away. If Reno had orders to deal with them, let him. If President Shinra thought that meant that she was dead as well then all the better.

Except that it didn't work like that to her anymore. Loving Zack had reminded her how to care, and now her subconcious had made a desperate attempt to fill the hole he'd left behind. She was reaching for something else that could make her feel like that again. Something that would stop her from slipping back into that cold and empty shell of a girl that had worked for ShinRa. That puppet.

Stupid subconcious. Didn't it realise how much pain those kind of attachements brought?

She'd hate herself for it later, perhaps, but she had to find out what Reno was up to. She narrowed her eyes as he turned a corner.

She'd always been able to beat Reno hands down when it came to stealth.