9.

EPOV

I had to get out of that attic. I'd been hiding above that run-down tavern on the outskirts of Brazil for so long that I was beginning to go mad. Depression and self-loathing I could handle. But with madness comes carelessness and danger. I did not want to risk exposing myself. Nor did I want the monster within me to waken and fall victim to the temptation I'd suppressed for centuries. So I left.

I couldn't go home. Not yet, at least. I could feel the beginnings of the need to see my family and I knew it'd only be a matter of time before I'd return to them. Though whether or not I'd stay I couldn't be sure. In the meantime, I'd found myself wandering through the mountains of California, Oregon, and along the southern border of Washington. I'd given up on starvation, and as far as hunting purposes went, this was terrain with which I was very familiar.

I knew I'd been drifting dangerously north, but I had already won the internal battle against my heart. I would NOT return to Forks. A few weeks ago I was hit with a sudden temptation to go see Bella. Not that I didn't battle similar temptations daily. But this one was different. There was urgency to it. I wasn't going to speak to her. I only wanted to watch her from a distance. Just to see if she was in fact real and not a figment of my imagination. But I promised her I'd leave her alone so she could move on and live a normal life. I truly wanted that for Bella.

The facts were simple. She deserved more than I could ever give her. She deserved someone that didn't thirst for her blood, threatening the existence of her soul simply by being near her. She deserved someone that could love her beyond the physical boundaries that I was held to. I hated those boundaries. I hated that I had to be so damned careful all the time. I had to be careful when I kissed her. Oh how I wished I could kiss her deeply and thoroughly, tasting the warmth of her mouth. I had to be careful when I caressed her, cautious not to allow the burning of her skin to cause me to lose control. Oh how I wanted so many times to be able to let go and allow my hands to explore every inch of her, feeling the warmth of her skin burn against my cold touch. I had to be so careful I could never love her fully or give myself to her the way a man gives himself to a woman. And though I knew I'd suffer those temptations for eternity just to remain close to her, she deserved someone that could love her wholly and who wasn't bound by physical limitations. She also deserved someone that wouldn't force her to a life deprived of the sun, someone who was human and full of life and a beating heart just like her. She deserved someone who could give her children. I could never give her any of those things.

With that realization, I knew. I knew I had to leave her. And though I told myself I was leaving her for her own good, my reasons were more selfish. I knew it would only be a matter of time before she lost all interest in me. She would realize everything she'd have to give up because of me and she would decide that I wasn't worth it. She'd know that she didn't really love me and that I was just a crush or infatuation. She would leave me. And I wouldn't be able to bear it. So I told her I was leaving.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me."

"You…don't…want me?"

"No."

The words flooded back to me like acid through my veins. I knew my words had hurt her, but it was nothing compared to the hurt it brought upon me. She had believed me without hesitation. Beyond of a shadow of a doubt she was convinced that I didn't want her, didn't love her. I wanted to grab her and shake her and ask her how she could believe such a viscous lie. How many times had I told her I loved her and that I couldn't exist without her? It just made it that much easier for me to believe that she couldn't truly love me and that she'd get over me and move on.

"I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."

I wouldn't break my promise to her. I would not go back.

"Don't worry. You're human – your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

She had probably already moved on and forgotten about me. I wonder how long it had taken her? Unfortunately for me, I could never move on or forget. I didn't want to move on or forget. Bella would be with me for the rest of my existence. Just the memory of her face, well, it wasn't enough but I could survive.

I crawled out from the cavern between the rocks that I'd found to rest in and started walking. I'd hunted so much recently that I thought I'd find my way back to civilization for a while and decide my next move from there. Since I had no limitations of time and nowhere in particular to go, I was content to just walk. I'd hiked past some camping grounds and had probably gone several miles when the smell hit me. It was almost as if I'd run right into a wall. I recalled the memory of the smell as if it were yesterday. I couldn't suppress the growls and snarls and it was as if the carrier were right in front of me. She had been here, through this very passage of trees. Victoria!

APOV

Of course Carlisle had a plan, only it wasn't what Esme or I had in mind. Or for that matter, what Emmett had in mind. If it were left up to Emmett, we'd have marched straight onto the Quileute reservation and started a war. Esme and I wanted to go directly to Bella and together track down Edward and put an end to all of this nonsense. Rosalie was just furious that our life had once again returned focus onto Bella. And Jasper, well, Jasper just tried to keep me in a happy state of mind.

But Carlisle had instructed that we not jump the gun on this. Jasper and I were to return to our home in Forks where I would be closer and more "in-tune" with what was going on with Bella. He'd also asked that I make more attempts to check in on the whereabouts of Edward. We were to wait a couple of weeks and if my visions did not turn up anything on Edward or show any danger in Bella's friendship with Jacob Black and the werewolves, we were to come home.

It was extremely difficult to be back at the house in Forks. There were so many memories here. Forks had been really wonderful for our family. And then Edward met Bella here and our lives changed completely. Being in the house again only made missing Edward and Bella more difficult. I was so thankful to have Jasper there with me or I probably would've gone crazy.

As Carlisle had asked, I'd been constantly watching Bella's future. It was hard though, because of the werewolves. Their future wasn't quite as clear to me unless Bella was directly involved. And lately it seemed that she hadn't had much involvement at all. I watched her go through her mundane ritual of school and dinners with Charlie, but knowing Bella, I could see something going on behind her eyes. I wouldn't feel okay about her safety until I could see what exactly she was planning.

I had been able to catch a few, small glimpses of Edward. He was hunting. It was too difficult to tell where he was exactly, just amongst some trees or maybe up in the mountains. But it was the most I'd seen of him in months. I was very excited to call home with the news. The fact that Edward was out and hunting gave us hope that he was beginning to come out of his blind depression and maybe coming to his senses. It was enough to convince Carlisle that Jasper and I should stay just a little longer. But I knew I'd need something more if I were to get the whole family to return.

It had been about a week since I first started seeing visions of Edward hunting. I was desperately searching for some indication that he was on his way home, or maybe even on his way back to see Bella.

Bella's plan was beginning to show itself more clearly as I could see she was planning on tagging along with Charlie down to La Push at the end of the week. The outcome of the trip hadn't shown me anything dangerous however.

After taking a break for an afternoon hunt with Jasper, I was actually trying not to visualize anything. I was resting on the couch with TV on, not really watching anything and wishing in vain I had the ability to take a nap when I was overcome with a vision. Jasper was right there when I came out of it.

"Alice, tell me what you saw." He could tell it was big news by the way the vision came on by itself, without my prompting.

"Edwards tracking something. It has to be serious. His eyes are so transfixed. Jasper, I think he's on his way to Forks."

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