The Price of your Heart: I'll take your kiss

by manaika

Made for lj's 30kisses, list Nu/acquisition. Shinpachi and Sanosuke deal with their love, their lives and with the changing times. Appearences of Shiranui. #17: How can you regain something you lost?

11. 20: PRICE II: First cut is the deepest

Rating: not under 16 – read warnings
Warnings: Sexual intercourse between people younger than 18, mild drugs abuse (meaning nicotine, meaning cigarettes), usage of alcohol, mentions of sexual intercourse for the purpose of obtaining money, also portrayal of gang-life and suicide themes... It sounds more horrible than it actually is. I used to read far worse and far darker things when I was 14, but since it's a rule, I have to censore it. I still don't think it's graphic enough to cause a child a trauma (most of the teenagers in Europe have been through worse things in their life than reading something like this and still turned out fine), or not safe to read, but it doesn't change the fact that I still have to censore it. I suggest you read it on your own risk, if you are under 16. You know yourself the best what you can and what you cannot bear. As I said, it's nothing graphic. If it was, it would have to be locked.

Author's notes
The Past Arc. If you kept wondering about the past of our favorite SSL teacher's, this is what you read. Starrs Shiranui, of course.

Before you start reading, please take note of the length. I did my best to erase the most of the typos and errors I unintentionally made and upon later time be banging my head against the wall for them.

Now there's only one more thing to say: Enjoy!

PRICE II: First cut is the deepest
#20. never trust anyone wearing better clothing than you.

The Winter was always darker in Kyoto than the Summer. Heavy clouds hung above the city, shielding it from the mighty Sun, the days were shorter and the night fell early, there were almost no stars in the skies and the light of the moon was cold and pale. Sano didn't like it. It was harder to learn during the winter months, than in Summer and if there was one thing he needed to do, it was to learn. His poor family couldn't afford university and he needed to graduate with honors if he wanted a stipendium. And he wanted a stipendium, go to university and make something out of his life. He had no interest in ending up like his parents, freezing in a small house, doing nothing but down heavy alcohol, wallowing in their misery all day. In order to pay his tuition he had to work hard, illegaly of course. High schoolers weren't allowed to work after all.
Karma wasn't on his side in this life, that much was sure. Not that he was complaining, Sano never complained about anything. There were people who had it much worse than him, after all. It was just that, it was so hard to stay awake when it was dark outside and even harder to stay awake during lessons if one worked till dawn. It was a good thing that Spring was finally knocking onto the doors, but it was also very hard to learn in Spring. With everything blooming, waking up and coming to life, if was really distracting. Random thoughts about life came to him then and a feeling of melancholical apathy spread through him. Sano wished something exciting would happen. Something to wake him up and raise his mood. Something that didn't happen yesterday or the day before, something to disturb this boring routine that has established since day one in the the freshmen class...

„Did you hear?" It came from the desk next to him, as his classmates discussed the newest gossip, as per usual. It hadn't been a month into the schoolyear and the two girls morphed into the best friends forever. „A second year droped a grade and will be taking lessons with us."
Sano's ears perked up. Not that he was a gossip whore, but at the prospect of something that could keep him up, he was ready to sell his soul.
„Really? One would think he would change schools in such a situation."
„I hear his parents wouldn't let him, because this is the best school available."
Of course this was the best school available in Kyoto. Sano's purse felt it every time he had to pay to be able to study at it.
„He's one of those rich kids, yanno."
Hearing that, Sano already knew he would hate the new classmate.
„It's said, that the only reason he stays at this school, is his father's moneybag."
„'Supporting the school', huh?"
„Yup."

Sano blocked the rest of the conversation out. Great. Like he needed another of those snobs that would make him feel where his place was. He looked around the class. There were several free seats, so chances were that he could avoid the fellow. Hopefully the teacher won't think that seating the kid next to Sano would be 'good influence'. Unlike his schoolmates, most of the teachers liked Sano, because he showed interest in the subjects and was a good student, in spite of the little time he had to learn.
Sano sighed. At least there was something positive in his life.
That was when the bell rung and the students hurried to their places for the first hour of the day. Sano kept wondering whether it was safe for him to risk a nap. He had slept 4 hours and he wouldn't get much more sleep than that tonight. He was exhausted and the homeroom class was always the most boring class of the day.

The teacher came in with slow lazy steps as usually, stiffling his yawn. Oh how much Sano wanted to sleep...

„Class, attention please."

Aw hell.

„I would like you to welcome a new student."

In spite of his tiredness, it gained Sano's interest. Subconsciously he straightened up.

„Nagakura-kun, if you please."

The first thing that came to Sano was, that the new one was tall. Taller than Sano even, who with his 1,80 m stood tallest of the class. And from the looks of it, the long bones were backed up by a bunch of hard muscles. Sano briefly wondered if the guy could beat him at wrestling. He certainly made that look possible, Sano thought, with that air of arrogant confidence around him.
For a moment the eyes of the guy met with his and Sano was startled to find them a bright, azure blue. Something flashed through them and the lips quirked into a arrogant smirk.
Sano's eyes narrowed. He didn't like that guy.

„Yo."

Sano bit back a sneer. That was his trademark greeting!

„Nagakura Shinpachi."

That was it. No „Nice to meet you" or „A pleasure to be here", his entire stance reflecting how much above them he felt himself. Sano's scowl got deeper. How dare he? Wasn't it him who dropped a grade?

„Nagakura-kun, sit down next to Harada-kun."

Sano forced the groan back into his throat before it broke out. Karma deffinitely hated him. There was no other possible explanation.

The smirk grew and Sano supressed the urge to strangle the guy.

„Sure."

Karma was a bitch, Sano decided.

ox*xo

It took exactly an hour and half for the first fight between them to break out. It happened during PE, a subject they both excelled at. Untill now, Sano was the unbeaten champion at every PE subject, be it baseball or wrestling. It would have made him the star of the class, wouldn't it be for his financial situation. These rich snobs didn't let a single soul penetrate their rows, but Sano's good grades and physical prowess made sure that he didn't end up as a complete outsider. But now the tables turned. If someone stronger and better at PE than Sano appeared, the class would put a 'nerd-stamp' on him, regardless of how physically strong or athletic he was. Sano would hate that. He was NOT a nerd. He liked his body and he liked to take care of it. Even in his poor surroundings he always managed to stay clean and he found time to do his workout every day. He would not let a rich, spoiled brat ruin his reputation. The only way he could prevent that, was to prove he was better at PE. The most adequate description of their current situation would be 'two cocks on one dunghill'. Sano could already see Sanji-sensei roll high eyes. Normally it would have been a piece of cake to prove himself at PE, but looking at the new one, Sano wasn't so sure anymore. Nagakura had muscles. Big muscles. Pretty nice muscles. Sano would have stared if he didn't loath that rich oaf so much.

Sano had already come to terms with the fact that he wasn't as straight as he could be. Sure, he liked pretty woman and he even liked more to fuck them, but he wasn't opposed to the idea of being fucked too. He blamed it all on America. A decade ago there was this blasted boom and now it seemed to have come to Japan. Thus, Sano couldn't change it, so he didn't even try. So what if he found staring at firm asses and hard muscles pleasent? It wasn't like he assaulted that person right away, or tried sneaking into their pants. Sano knew better than that. Besides, he had somehow the reputation of a gigolo, which was a lot easier reputation to deal with than a fag.

But back to the topic.

Nagakura and his firm muscles. Cocks on one dunghill. Cocks on one...Sano resisted the urge to slap himself. He ought to stay away from that gay porn, he had somehow managed to obtain, for a while.
„Alright class!" Sanji-sensei spoke after they did the attendance. „Today we'll do baskettball! Team captains will be Harada and..." the teacher looked around, deciding for the captain of their rival team. It was always very hard to pick a second captain suitable for a baskettball team with those shrimps their class had. „Nagakura."

Sano smirked. Great. Baskettball was his forte. This would settle them. Their eyes met and challenge sparked. Nagakura was going down.

x-x

Ten minutes later he wasn't so sure anymore. The score was 15:12 for Sano's team and Nagakura had the ball, heading straight for their baskett. Sano had never played so much on defense before. He noticed a blind spot and shouted for a classmate to cover it. They would not let them score. He would personally see to that.

Nagakura was ready to throw the ball. His knees bent, arms pulled to his chest, the ball held by mere fingertips. Sano would have paused to admire the stance, if his situation was any different. Suddenly the strong body stretched, the ball flew out of the arms, right towards the baskett. The same moment Sano moved, catching the ball and advanced to the oponents side, leaving a dumbfounded Nagakura behind. He used the moment of surprise to get to the rival baskett. One, two three, throw. 18:12.

The advantage lasted.

By the time the teacher signaled for break, Sano's team was leading 24:12, mostly thanks to his height and speed. Sano patted himself mentally on the back. He had played like never before. And never had he felt so alive either. It felt really good to have a challenge. He stole a glance at Nagakura, whose face, in spite of the grimm score, was split into a grinn. Maybe, just maybe, that guy wasn't as bad as Sano thought. At least, he would make a good rival. Sano smirked. Yeah, he could live with that. And it wasn't like he was admitting it anytime soon.

ox*xo

A week later Sano was taking it all back. Nagakura was as bad as they came. A nosey, annoying, cocky, arrogant, self-centered macho. And he wouldn't leave Sano in peace.

„So."

Sano supressed a groan. He had been checking the results of the math test they had last week, only to find himself on place 15 with score B+, so he wasn't in the best of moods.

„What do you want?"
„Rumor has it, you banged Aiba-senpai last week against Ito-senpai's locker." Nagakura was grinning that shit-eating grinn again.
„I don't see why it should be any of your business."
„Oh come on! You banged Miss Bombastic Boobs! Miss Wanna-taste-my-milk? Miss I-can-get-any-man-because-I've-got-size-E! It's practically a public issue!"
Sano was getting distinctly sick.
„Fuck off, Nagakura."
„No way! Ya tellin' me how ya doin' it!"
„As a matter of fact, not any different than several millions of males on this planet when they have sex with females, I assure you."
„Not that! How'dya get them around?"
Actually, it was the other way around. The girls came to him. He didn't know why, but he wasn't sure he wanted to know anyway. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered, but grades.
„None of your business."
„Come on, spill it!"

Sano almost remarked if it was his seed, or his spit Nagakura wanted him to spill, but he held himself back.

„And against Ito-senpai's locker! You've got some guts!"
Admittedly, that had been one of his better ideas, Sano thought. But no way he was letting that Nagakura know.
„Look, Nagakura. I've got things to do."
„Like banging Aiba-senpai?"
„No." Banging Yoshiwara-chan, actually. „I have work. I would really appreciate you would leave now."
„In the way, am I?"
„Actually, yes."
Nagakura grinned. „Fine. But you'll spill the details later. Ciao!"

Sano sighed as he watched the retreating back, asking himself for the thousendth time, why it was him, who was a people magnet. And why the hell did he attract idiots?
His look wandered back to the math results, as if the sheet of paper could provide an answer to all of his questions, when his eyes fell onto the highest score. Wow, someone had full points. His eyes almost fell out as he read the name next to it. Nagakura Shinpachi. No. Way. No way in hell that idiot could have so much luck! That guy dropped a grade because his results at the end of the term weren't good enough to advance to the next grade! And such an idiot scored the highest in math? Unbelievable.
That shithead had some undiscovered inner talents, apparently, Sano thought sardonically. But a small voice inside of him reprimanded him promptly. What had Nagakura done to wrong him, besides being attached to his hip like some puppy? Sano bit his lips as the answer came to him: Nothing.
Alright, so maybe he wasn't being fair to Nagakura, but there was something that made him uneasy around the guy. Nagakura wasn't showing his full colors yet. There had to be a reason why he so decidedly hung around Sano, right? He couldn't just want to be (and Sano gulped at the word) friends so suddenly and spontanously, just because of a game they played and a few more encounters that proved their equality in sports, could he?
Or was it just Sano's cautiousness speaking and it was indeed as easy, even for someone like him, to make friends.

Sano sighed yet again. Why was this so complicated?

Maybe he could allow himself to drop his guard a bit around Nagakura. It would be nice not to have to be so cautious about everyone, having someone to open up to. Someone to talk to. Someone to understand.
Alright. He would observe for a while more and then he would decide if Nagakura was indeed a worthy friend.
Sano's lips quirked into a small smile.
Maybe Karma wasn't on his bad side after all.

ox*xo

Later that week he found out how wrong he'd been. It was just two days after the 'interrogation', as he came to call it, that Nagakura caught him behind the gym. Sano'd been learning there for the math test he decided to retake (B+ was nice, but not good enough for a stipendium), when Nagakura came across the corner, looking like death warmed over. The guy's hair was a mess, like he'd been tossing and turning the entire night, his skin was sickly pale and he had a wild look in his eyes. Sano's eyebrows disappeared into his hair.

„What the hell? You look like shit!"

Nagakura didn't answer, just marched straight towards him. Sano had barely the time to realize that something was very wrong, when he was forcefully yanked upwards by the collar of his uniform.

„Alright, enough of the games."

To say the least, Sano was surprised. For the last two weeks he'd been around, Nagakura neevr showed any kind of force towards anyone. He was arrogant, wild, spoiled and unbound. Rough around the edges, but Sano instinctively felt, that inside he was a big ole teddy bear.

That instinctive feeling disappeared into thin air.

Nagakura wasn't showing anything else now than brute force, anger and violence and Sano realized that this was the piece he'd been missing, the one part that would complete the picture of this man. This very dark piece. This was the real Nagakura, pushed beyond his limits. This was Nagakura in his raw nature. A wild, bloodthirsty animal.

„Give me your money."
Needless to say, Sano was shocked.
„What?"

Nagakura had been after his money? The money that he'd shed blood and sweat for to have it? Money he used sorely for educational purposes? Money invested into his future, instead of any passing fancy that struck him? Sano had to admit, that somewhere it hurt. Somewhere deep inside of him, it was like a dagger into his back. An ice cold wave that estinguished every tiny sliver of hope for friends he could ever have. No way he was giving his well earned, deserved payment to this rich, spoiled, stupid oaf. No. Fucking. Way!

„Forget it!"

Nagakura made a grab for his bag and Sano reacted on instinct. He kicked Nagakura into the side and with a half turn he brought himself and his bag out of the spoiled brat's reach.

„Give!"
„No!"

Nagakura dove for him and Sano ducked. He wasn't surprised to realize that Nagakura had to have been doing some kind of martial arts, at one point. Aikkidou, or Kendo, perhaps both. Well, fine. Sano had learned his fair share of martial arts too.
„What do you need it for anyway? Go and earn your own!"
„Give!"
„Fuck off!"

Another struggle ensued.

This was highly disappointing. Someone he'd thought of as almost a friend, was after his money. Needless to say, Sano was angry. How could he have allowed himself to be so deluded? How could he have thought even for a second, that a rich brat would voluntarily make friends with somehow as poor as him, if he didn't gain something of it himself. Even if it was just money.
The sheer irony made him laugh. Someone so rich, stealing from someone as poor as him...The world was a damn unfair place!
In his small moment of distraction, Nagakura caught him by surprise. He almost got the bag, but Sano didn't let it go. They fought like animals and by the end of it, when Sano was bleeding from his nose and his right ear was ringing, but he was still winning, Nagakura was beginning to be desperate.
„Give!"
„Never!"
„Damnit, I need it, can't you tell?"
„What the freezing hell for?"
„They'll kill me if I don't pay up!"

This admission shocked them both.

„Who'll kill you?"
For a moment, Nagakura hesitated, but in the end, acknowledging defeat, he let go of the bag and looked away. „The upperclassmen." No use in denying it now. „I...I made a bet with them and I lost. I have to pay them ten mil by the end of the week."
Sano's world spun suddenly, with shock. „Ten...ten million yen?" he whispered in utter disbelief. He had around 10 000 yen for food for a month, Sano found himself comparing.
„Yeah. Dad won't give me the money and I wasted my allowance already."

Sano felt faint.

„There...there's this rumor that the upperclassman I owe the money, that he's in the...you know...yakuza. Well, not him, but his father."
„Yakuza."
„Yeah."
„That's some deep shit you're in."
„Yeah."
Sano sighed. „I'm sorry, but I can't give you any money. It's...I'm paying my tuition with it."
„Huh? Your parents don't pay your school?"
„My parents don't really..."
„Your parents don't really what?"
„Nevermind. Anyway, I can't give you the money."
Shinpachi sighed. „No helping it then. There's one more source I can borrow from. He won't mind, but...Ah, well. My own damn fault for getting into this mess in the first place. Shoulda realized that they would cheat me."

It caught Sano's attention. „They cheated?"

„Yeah, but I can't prove it. It's just, I counted the probability of my guess being right and combined with the asymptotic theory, every possible combination included, and with the fact that statistics side with small numbers...Harada, are you listening?"
Sano had to get this blank look on his face, the one he got whenever someone started explaining anything related to maths, because Nagakura was looking at him very worriedly, in a complete opposite to before.
Sano shook his head a little to gain his focus back. „You lost me at the asymbiotic theory."
„Asymptotic."
„Whatever."
As Nagakura saw that Sano was fine, he continued his explanation. „Anyway, as a mathematical fact, I should have won the bet. I haven't, so that means they cheated."
Sano nodded, understanding as much. „And if you tell the teachers, the senpais will just deny it."
„Yeah."

Pretty fucked up. Sano could somehow relate.

„Sucks to be you then."
Nagakura smiled. „Coulda been worse. I hear you don't have it easy either."
Sano only smiled bitterly and the reality of the fight came back. Nagakura didn't look much happy either, as he scratched the back of his head.
„Harada?"
„Yeah?"
„Sorry I leashed out."

A small smile cracked Sano's face. This was the first time someone apologized to him. Feeling a little better, he tried to joke.
„Oh don't worry, I'm pretty used to it."
Shinpachi took the bait, as if hoping to fix whatever he'd broken.
„I figured as you dodged. That was some cool move!"
Now Sano was smirking. „Tani-sensei will be pleased to hear that."

„What?" Nagakura looked mildly shocked and Sano felt a sudden surge of confidence shoot through him. „Tani-sensei? Tani-sensei taught you that?"
Sano nodded. „Yeah. He lived in the same village as I, when I was little. He was a teenager, I was five and he sometimes took care of me when my parents were...indisposed. He was kinda like a brother to me. I even call him privately Sanji-sensei. He showed me a few moves cause he thought they could be usefull."
„They are great! Somehow, as you moved, it felt like real survival instinct."
Sano cringed as an unpleasent memory flashed through him, good mood and confidence gone. „Cause it was."
„Huh?" Nagakura looked startled and for some reason Sano found himself elaborating.
„I've lived mostly on the streets for as long as I can remember. You've got to know how to defend yourself if you're nine and some bullies want the money you've worked so hard for."

His words completely shut the ever talkative Nagakura up, but the otherwise silent Sano couldn't stop talking, the words spilling from his lips like a current.

„In fact, I loathe you. You and all those rich kids at this school. You think you're something better because daddy's got the money, mommy's gonna kiss it alright and a bunch of people are waiting for a word you say, happy to die for you. You think life is just a play about wasting money and bringing oneself into dangerous situation that a simple bunch of bucks will solve. You have no idea how life works, but the worst is you'll never even know it, because mommy and daddy will keep you in that secure, little, dream-like world you call life. Nothing's gonna change, so why try, right? Aw hell, you make me sick."
Silence fell after his monologue upon them. After a while it became unbearable and Sano left.
Nagakura didn't follow him.

ox*xo

If Sano thought that his words could make Nagakura stop annoying the living daylights out of him, he'd apparently miscalculated his chances. Again. Math was deffinitely not one of his strong points. Because whatever stupor it was that had seized Nagakura at that day, it didn't last too long. Next thing Sano knew, his annoying classmate was breathing down his neck again.
Sano was just going through his retaken math test. He'd scored A- this time. Not as bad, but still not what he wanted. Actually it had been just his rotten luck, that the teacher gave him the exact problems that he'd been excercising on.

„Yo!"

Sano tried to ignore him.

„I know you heard me."

Sano tried very hard not to roll his eyes, pointingly silent. However Nagakura seemed hell-bent on getting a response out of him.

„You made a mistake at the third consecution."

„What the hell do you want?"

Nagakura smirked in victory and Sano actually did roll his eyes.
„Nothing in particular, really."
„Then why the fuck do you keep following me like a damn shadow?"
Nagakura shrugged. „Cause you provide a good shield?"
Sano gave him a look. „That was bloody lame."
Nagakura shrugged again.
Sano sighed. „I mean it, though. I try my best to shake you off, I say I loathe you and that you make me sick, I beat you at baskett ball, I refuse to loan you money and you still hang around me. Why?"
Nagakura looked away and for a while Sano thought he won't reply, untill finally a simple answer came: „You fought."
„Huh?"
„You wouldn't have been the first one I took money from forcibly, but you were the first one who fought. You are also the only one who didn't try to get me spill why I dropped a grade and why my father did his best to keep me at this school. Everyone's been going on about it since day one, and yet no one will look into my eyes when they talk to me. You do. You never treated me as the something special I am supposed to be. You even had the guts to beat me at baskettball, which is something no one in my old class dared. You're brazen, witty and smart. And really popular with the girls. In other words, you are everything I am not. I'm no one special to you and that's why I like being around you, if that makes sense."

Somehow, it did, Sano found himself thinking.

To put it bluntly, he was awed. But somehow, a tiny part of himself, felt flattered. A small smile started forming on Sano's face. Perhaps, but really only perhaps, the prospect of him having friends wasn't as out of reach as he thought it was.
„You can be yourself around me."
„Exactly." Nagakura breathed.

And suddenly inspiration struck Sano and the small smile grew wider.

„Hey."
„Hm?"
„You're good at maths, right?"
„Howd'ya figure?"
„You had the highest score of the class, with full points. No way that was a coincidence."
Nagakura looked away. „So what? It's the only subject besides PE and english I have motivation for."

Sano recalled one of his gossipy classmates say something about Nagakura knowing three foreign languages.

„You could tutor me."
That earned him a wide-eyed look of surprise.
„WHAT?"
„I would need some tutoring in math. I can count alright, but some of the background gets lost when the teacher explains it. And my english conversation could use polishing. In turn, I can tutor you in every other subject you want. If we are hanging out together, we might as well have some use from it."
Nagakura looked away. „What makes you think I need tutoring?"
„You dropped a grade, right? There's gotta be a reason for that."
„If I told you I did it on purpose?"

Sano was startled to find out, that it didn't surprise him at all.

„I wouldn't put it past you."
Nagakura's look snapped back to him.
„But I still don't think that you are equally genius in every other subject as you are in math and english. I can't imagine you being the biology, or chemistry type. Physics perhaps..."
„Biology. I have problems with biology. And History. I just don't get it. At all the other subjects I mostly lack motivation."
Sano smirked. „Will a challenge from me be motivation enough?"

Shinpachi raised an eyebrow.
Sano's smirk grew.

„See, I want to graduate with honors to get a stipendium. I challenge you to do better than me."
„You can't possibly be serious."
„I am absolutely serious."

Shinpachi burst out laughing and Sano relished in the deep sound of it. It was a laugh that resonated within you.
„You're the most brazen, most cocky, most wicked guy I've ever met! Fine then!" Shinpachi looked directly into his eyes. „I accept your challenge! And I'll tutor you! But in turn, you'll have to come with me to the dojo!"

Sano raised an eyebrow.
„What dojo?"
„It's name's Shiekan. It's being run by a very nice person, who has always been there for me. He won't mind if we, say, sparr a little."
Sano's face split into a grinn. „I'll crush you."
„We'll see about that. And one more thing."
„Hm?"
„It's Shinpachi." A hand was extended towards Sano and saphire eyes met amber. „My name's Shinpachi."
Sano regarded the outstretched hand with a smile, before he took it, his amber eyes boring themselves right through saphire. „Sano. Just Sano."

ox*xo

A few weeks later, the handshake developed into a decent friendship. Shinpachi tutored him in english and math, Sano payed him back by tutoring him in everything else. When there was nothing to learn and Sano wasn't working, they would just hang out at the dojo and sparr. It was kinda nice to have someone like that and Sano found himself often leaning into this weird friendship, seeking more of it. Even though sometimes Sano though that Shinpachi wasn't telling him everything, that he had his dark secrets hidden, but that was as well, because Sano had his own couple of secrets. Like the fact that he never let Shinpachi come to his place. When they learned, they always did so at the dojo, or at Shinpachi's place, they never went to Sano's. Sano only prayed that this would go unnoticed by the other male as long as possible. He didn't want Shinpachi to see where he lived, probably because he didn't want to face it himself. Even though over the years he became used to the conditions he lived in, seeing it through someone else's eyes would be like opening his own. Sano feared it would become unbearable. So he never let Shinpachi see his own home and when the issue came up, he dodged it.

Of course, Shinpachi noticed.

Sooner or later it was bound to happen. And one day, when Sano was just explaining the functions of the enzymes of the digestive system to his friend, Shinpachi brought it up.
„So, it's good for us to drink pepsi, because it contains this enzyme and so it helps when we have problems with-"

„Sano?"

At the sound of his name, Sano looked up from the scheme he had drawn to help the explaining. Shinpachi was eyeing him with a thoughtfull look. Sano didn't like it. The last time Shinpachi had that look, he'd asked him if he was gay. Sano of course denied it. Not only because he didn't want his 'not-so-straightness' come out, but also because he wasn't entirely gay either. He liked girls. Very much so. Shinpachi had then eyed him for a long moment, as if trying to decide whether to believe him, or not, but in the end, he didn't push. But Sano doubted he'd believed him entirely. Shinpachi might have been an airhead at the most of the times, but he was unusually perceptive when it came to his close friends. So it was perfectly justified, that Sano tensed up when Shinpachi gave him one of those perceptive, thoughtfull looks.

„What is it? Did I not explain it clearly?" he tried to distract his friend, but without success.

„Why do we never stay at your place?"

Sano froze. The question came very unexpectedly and he wasn't prepared to answer it. Yeah, sure, they had brushed the subject a few times, but Shinpachi had never asked him directly. And if the question wasn't enough, his friend elaborated, making the hairs at the back of Sano's neck stand up.
„Not that I mind staying at my place, with it being so huge and comfortable and everything, but I thought it was strange. I know you're not as rich as the most of the students at our school, you've never denied that, so you can't be afraid that I'll be shocked about that. What is it really?"
Sano felt like a mouse surrounded by three large cats. Shinpachi was absolutely right, but Sano couldn't let him find out-

„It's your parents, am I right?"

Blast. For several moments, Sano couldn't breathe properly. Shinpachi had hit the nail on the head.

„I mean, it can be only them. You never talk about them, and when you do, you never finish the sentence. And when I inquire you always say 'nevermind' or 'it's nothing'."
Sano wanted to kick himself. He hadn't realized he was so transparent.
„Do they hurt you?"
That was the last thing Sano expected Shinpachi to say. „What?" Sano would have never guessed that Shinpachi thought that. Just the thought of those people hurting him made him shake with disgust and brought back the air into his lungs. „No!"
„Then what?"
The air disappeared again, his throat painfully tight. He looked away.
„It's-"
„Not nothing." Shinpachi interrupted him. „It doesn't look like nothing to me."
Sano considered telling his friend, he really did. But at the other end, he couldn't risk that, he simply couldn't. So his mind came up with a half-truth, something to satisfie his friend, but not giving away the uncomfortable things. However as his mind formed the words he wanted to say, the thought how stupid they would sound came to him.

„It's...probably silly."

Shinpachi's look bored itself deep into him. „Serious enough, if I was to judge by the face you make."
„It's hard to get if you don't see it yourself."
„Is that an invitation?"
Sano looked at Shinpachi for a long time, considering it. He couldn't keep it a secret forever. And especially not, if he wanted to become friends with Shinpachi. Friends were supposed to tell each other such things, right? And maybe he wanted to finally tell someone, show someone, wanted someone to know, share the burden with.
„Yeah." He finally breathed. „Yeah, why not? We'll go tomorrow."
Shinpachi nodded and silence settled between them, untill Shinpachi broke it. „Now, you were saying about pepsi..."
Sano shook the dark thoughts that occupied his mind after their conversation off. They still were in the middle of learning. „Yeah, right, pepsi. It's healthy."
„You don't say..."
„Yeah, when you drink it, the enzyme..."

x-x

But even in spite of the fact that they had stuff to learn, Sano couldn't stop thinking about what was about ot come. The next day went entirely by him and the walk home seemed like eternity. His legs felt heavy as lead and he wasn't as talkative as usually.
„You are really silent today."
„Hmm..."
Sano felt Shinpachi's eyes on him, but he didn't turn to his friend.
„Is it that bad?"
Honest answer would be, that Sano didn't know.
Was it?
Probably not. But then why was he so ashamed? What was he so afraid of? Neither his mother, nor his father would hurt Shinpachi, in fact they probably, Sano swallowed hard, wouldn't care, but...
Maybe he just didn't want Shinpachi to hear the things he had to listen to every day. Maybe he didn't want Shinpachi to see what he had to deal with. But why didn't he want that? Because he would be admitting that he hadn't been dealing with it for his entire life? That he had just put up a shield, a fortress of defensive emotions around him and turned his face away?
„Sano?" Shinpachi inquired after he'd been silent for too long and Sano remembered tthe question. He didn't know what to answer.
„You'll see yourself."
„You're scaring me."
„Sorry." Sano looked ahead of him. „There it is."

It was a simple house, Sano noted. Wooden, slightly raised, without an upper storey, streching into the backyard instead. Cracks in the wood were visible and in the yard several bottles of alcohol were strewn carelessly. An old, used-up alarm was attached to the front door and the windows were dirty.

It was pretty run down.

„That? You live there?"
Sano couldn't even blame Shinpachi for the surprise in his voice.
„Yeah."
„How do you heat?"
„We don't."
Shock spread across Shinpachi's features.
„We don't have the money. If I want to be warm, I just put more covers over myself."

They came to the yard.

„Be carefull, some of the bottles might be broken."
As Sano fished for his keys, Shinpachi inspected the label on one of the bottles.
„That's pretty strong stuff. Does your father drink that?"
Sano's heart constricted and his hand clenched into a fist around the keys. „No." Shinpachi looked at him questioningly. „My mother." Was his simple answer and he opened the door, ignoring the stunned look on Shinpachi's face, as he turned to him. „Welcome at the house where I live."

They stepped in.

„I'm back." Sano said dully and set his keys down.
No answer came. The house was mostly silent, save from the clacking sounds in the kitchen, signalizing that his mother was pouring herself another drink and his father was probably asleep in the living room. If they were lucky, they would get to his room without meeting the two other occupants of the building. Sano didn't want Shinpachi to meet their parents. They passed a door and Sano gently patted it.
„Bathroom's here, if you need it, but be carefull with the door. It tends to fall out of the hinges."
Just as Sano finished the sentence, a voice came from the direction of the living room.
„Sanosuke, is that you?"
Sano supressed a groan. No luck for him today.
„Yes father."

Before any further conversation could ensue an enraged scream came from the kitchen and a woman, drunk and dirty stormed into the hallway. Shinpachi gaped and Sano braced himself mentally.

„You useless child!" the woman shouted, her dirty hair, that might once have been a deep shade of red, falling into her face in a stinking mess. „Why are you still here? Go away! Get out of my life!" There was the shuffling of footsteps and a tall man came out of what passed for the living room of the house, amber eyes dull and clouded, the spark that once had been there long gone. „You've done enough! Go! Go and die!" Shinpachi's eyes were wide with shock, as he heard that, while Sano just watched the hysterics with trained apathy. His father just stood there, not doing anything. „Go and die!" the woman repeated, but this time, her voice cracked a little at the end of the sentence. Shinpachi could just watch frozen to the spot as he woman slowly collapsed into a pile of sobs onto the floor. „Go and...go and die... Die..." the woman helplessly sobbed. „DIE!"

Sano turned away and lead a stunned Shinpachi into a sparsely decorated room, with a matt at the centre of it, a table at the window and an old chair. The few shelves contained his school things and a few books bought from second hand and a row of tapes, with a few records at the far end of the bottom shelf.

„Here's my room." Sano said in a dull voice. „Make yourself at home, though you'll need a lot of imagination to achieve that, as you've seen."

Sano sunk into a chair at the same time Shinpachi's shock broke out.

„What the hell was that?"

Sano looked at his horrified friend and amber met saphire, but this time instead of fire, his look held pain.

„That, Shinpachi, were my parents. My alcoholic mother and my good-for-nothing father."

Shinpachi sunk onto the matt in the center of the room. „That woman..." It was as if the thought terrified him to no ends, so Sano finished the sentence for him.
„Was my mother, yes."
Shinpachi looked at him in utter disbelief.
„That drunk woman? The one who told you to die?"
„Nice mom I have there, huh?"
„No shit. Fuck, Sano, you..."
„You understand now why I didn't want you to come over?"
„Yeah. No one would be proud having that home. Are you sure they don't hurt you?"
Sano shook his head.
„Not physically, at least. But sometimes I wish they would. At least...show they know I'm here."
Shinpachi crawled next him and put a hand on his shoulder. „How...how did it...What happened?"
„Apparently, I am an unwanted child."
„That? That's it? That's everything?"
„They have no restraints on showing me this fact. But yeah, that's it."
Shinpachi had really hard time believing that. Surely even if the child was unwanted, one would at least take care of it if he already kept it.
„But there's...there's got to be something behind that. They can't just be like that for no reasons!"
„There are reasons. I don't know the whole story, but from what I've gathered and from what little questions my father answered, I was in the way of my mom's carreer. I'm born on Shikoku and that's where I lived the early years of my childhood. I remember it as the only time when I was happy." Sano closed his eyes as memories so vivid he could almost touch them flooded through him. As he closed his eyes he almost felt the carress of the wind on the Sunny beach. „On good days, I went fishing with my father, on bad days Sanji-sensei would come over and teach me martial arts. I remember the Sun shining every day and the sound of the waves lulling me into sleep." He basked in the memory for a while, seeing the beach in front of him, tasting the salty water on his lips. He swore his hands had held the fish minutes before. But nonetheless, even though vivid, it was still only a memory. Sano opened his eyes and looked out of the dirty window. It was already dark outside and he continued his story. „We moved away shortly before I started elementary. At that time I didn't understand, but I think my mother has wanted it. She had always dreamed of going to Kyoto, or Tokyo and make something out of her life, when she was the same age I am now."

„But she got pregnant."

Sano nodded. „Yeah. She was pretty young and you know how those times were. You get pregnant, you have to marry quickly to conceal it was out of matrimony."

Shinpachi nodded.

„Both, my mother and my father were from fairly poor families, but the one who minded more was my mom, I think. It seems she dreamed of becoming someone, of studying, of getting herself a good job and money...but after she had me she...she just sorta gave up. She started drinking shortly after we moved. She got always more violent and she started screaming at me and blaming me for everything. I didn't understand why, and I kept asking myself what I've done wrong. I tried to be nice to her, I kept helping her in everything, sometimes I even cooked instead of her. And when I was twelve..." Sano hesitated, but then decided it was for the best to get it out in one go. „As I was twelve she told me that if she had the money at the time, she would have aborted me."

Shinpachi looked honestly horrified.

„Jesus Christ..."
„It has only gotten worse since then. By now we are almost homeless beggars. Both of my parents are jobless, so I have to get the money into the house. I've been working since junior high. At first I've shared the income, but soon I found out, that it got wasted on mom's alcohol, so I've stoped giving them money. I honestly don't know how they don't starve. I hide the money and when time comes, I pay the tuition. The rest is for food and shampoo. Sometimes books and clothes. Or covers."
„You do know it's-"
„Forbidden to work while you're in school, I know. But what other choice do I have?"
„Make someone else pay and then pay them back, once you can."
Sano smiled. „Sanji-sensei has offered me exactly that. But I don't want alms. I've been fine untill now. It's just a few more years. Then I can go to university and leave it all behind."
„You have the same dream as your mother."
„It's not a dream." Sano looked deep into Shinpachi's eyes. „It's survival instinct."

It would have made a good pun, but Shinpachi felt that Sano was dead serious, so he only nodded. Suddenly something came to him.

„How many jobs do you even have? I mean, the tuition at our school is pretty expensivie. Is it enough?"
„No. Most of the time it isn't." Sano answered truthfully. There was no need to hide it anyway.
„Then how do you pay?"
Sano looked away. „You haven't heard?" He always thought it was an open secret at school.
Shinpachi spoke very carefully. „I heard the rumors, but..."
Sano nodded. „Aiba-senpai. Yoshiwara-chan. Takenaga-senpai. Aizawa-senpai. Koishikawa-chan." All those pretty girls that came to him...he didn't even like them, but they still wanted him to fuck them into oblivion. „They all pay me for a fuck. And they pay well."
„You are selling yourself?"
„Still better than working at a brothel. If they want me to fuck them, at least they should make it worth the while. I know it's cheap, but doesn't it make them even cheaper that in spite of knowing that, they still ask? I need the money, they do it just for fun." If he had to fuck someone he didn't like, he wanted a compensation.

„Still...how can you live like that?" Sad, blue eyes were looking at him.

„Barely." Sano admitted as he looked at Shinpachi again. „Please, don't tell anyone. They would kick me off the school, if this came out."
„I'll keep shut. But in turn, you'll let me help you how I can."

To say the lest, Sano was surprised.

„Why would you want to do that?"

Shinpachi' s smile was just a tiny bit sad. „I thought that was pretty clear. Cause you're a friend, that's why."
Sano looked into Shinpachi's honest eyes and slowly a smile formed on his face. Maybe it really hadn't been such a bad idea to take Shinpachi to his place, after all. Sano wished he could say something to show how much those words meant to him, but no sound came out. However, it seemed, Shinpachi still heard it as he returned the smile with a small nod.

There was silence for a while, when Shinpachi spoke.

„You know, I would kinda want my parents to be like yours?" He snorted, but as he saw Sano's look of disapproval, he quickly added. „For different reasons than you might think." He looked away. „It would be more honest."
Sano's eyebrows shot into his hair and Shinpachi sighed.
„You see, I have always been the little sunshine of the family. First-born son, sportive type, but good at many subjects, I would make the perfect popular type and they would have something to be proud of. And they were, at elementary. But at Junior High I started asking myself, what would be if I suddenly turned badass, dropped grades and went down the bad path. I kept asking myself: Would they let me fall, or help me back on my way?"

Understanding spread across Sano's features.

„So you tried it out."
Shinpachi nodded.
„And? How did it turn out?"

Shinpachi smirked, but it didn't feel as arrogant and confident as usually. It had something sad.

„They threatened to disown me. Only my granny stood to me. Since that day I lack the motivation to do something good. Cause, you know – for what purpose? Earlier the purpose had been to please my parents, but now I don't wanna do that anymore. Not when they care for me only once I do."
Sano put his hand on Shinpachi's and his friend gave him a smile.
„And then you came along and tore me out of my apathy." He said. „You know what I thought when I first laid eyes on you?"
Sano shook his head.
„That you're full of life. Full of defiance, full of want to achieve something. You had your own opinion and stood firmly with both of your feet on the ground. You were so unlike all the others, who only thought of their money, their fingernails and status quo. You were someone different."
A smile spread across Sano's features as he heard those words. He knew he was sticking out even to strangers, but this was the first time someone told him that was a good thing. He squeezed Shinpachi's hand firmly.
„Thanks. It means a lot."
Shinpachi looked into his eyes.
„Friends forever?"
A warm feeling spread through Sano's chest and his smile widened just a bit, when he nodded.
„Friends forever."

ox*xo

And so the year was passing. The bond of friendship the two of them made that afternoon slowly grew and by the start of the next year, Sano saw Shinpachi as his best friend. During the last year they spent all of their free time together, learning or training in the dojo, or just simply hanging around and talking and after all that time, Sano felt like he knew Shinpachi inside out. And he had the distinct feeling that it could be said vice versa too. It was hard to believe that just a year ago he had hated his brownhaired friend, when now he absolutely refused to give him up. Shinpachi's friendship was a rare jewel for Sano, something to be guarded and kept safe, because there would be no such friend as Shinpachi in his life ever again if he lost him, Sano felt that instinctively. Shinpachi always seemed to know when something was wrong with Sano. Just a look at his friend was enough for him to tell. Shinpachi helped Sano through exhaustion, depression, fear and loneliness and Sano in exchange for that shared his happy moments with Shinpachi. And in the same manner he gave it back. When Shinpachi needed him to complain about his parents, about the teachers, abbout life, or just needed a punching bag that could punch back, Sano was there. They fought, they laughed and they cursed together.

So it was only natural when in the Middle of May Sano noticed that he had been seeing his friend less than last year. For example, Shinpachi had barely been at the dojo for the last two months.

Maybe Shinpachi was getting tired of him and needed a time out? It would be only natural, since they spent so much time together. Surely Shinpachi had other interests and Sano had no right to monopolize him. But the question was, if Sano should ask him about it. Girls always said that talking things over strengthened the bond, but Sano wasn't so sure how it worked on males. He had his expierience dealing with girls and he could tell that they functioned way differently than guys, mentally and physically. Sano didn't wantg to ruin his only friendship because of a an advice from a cheap girls magazine gone wrong.
But then again, their friendship was stronger than that. And asking surely wouldn't hurt. As far as Sano could tell, he was as important to Shinpachi as Shinpachi was important to him. Maybe his friend had problems with money again and didn't want to bother Sano with it?

He asked Shinpachi during lunch break.

It was right after a PE lesson, which always raised Shinpachi's spirits a little and to top it, they were doing basketball. It was Shinpachi's favorite sport, as Sano had come to learn.
They were sitting at the table with what wanted to be a miso soup in front of them, when Sano finally spilled.

„You have been going less to the dojo."
Shinpachi looked up from where he had been eyeing the soup suspiciously like it was intended to poison him to look at Sano blankly.
To conceal the bad feeling in his gut, Sano ate a bit from the miso. It tasted really vile, but now he could blame every nervous stiffness on it.
„Less than last year, at least."
Shinpachi also took a bite from the miso and Sano watched him pull a face.
„I had stuff to do."
„What stuff?"
„Nothing important."
„I see."
Silence. They ate some more soup.
„Why ya asking?"
„Just noticed, 's all."
„Ah."

Silence.

Finally the vile liquid in their plates was halfway done when Shinpachi looked at him.
„By any chance, you haven't been thinking anything stupid, as you usually use to, have you?"
„What stupid?"
„Like me being tired of you, or something equally dumb."
Sano almost choked on his soup. How did Shinpachi do it? He always hit home, like a fucking telepath. And he didn't even have pointed ears. (AN: I'm not sure if some of you get the pun, but whoever watched at least one episode of the original series of Star Trek, should get it. Explanation's in the authors note at the end of the shot.)
„No, no, of course not." Sano tried to wave it off, while staring intently into his miso soup.
„Really."
„Yeah, yeah."
„Sano?"
„Yeah?"
„You do realize that when you're lying to me, you never look into my eyes?"
„What? Yeah, sure, whatever." So?
„Sano?"
„What?"
„You've been looking into that concoction for the entire second half of our conversation."

Oh.

„Uhm." He said very eloquently, not daring to raise his look now.
Busted? Sano tried to come up with something smart, when Shinpachi spoke his name again.
„Sano."
„Hm?"
„Sano."
„Yeah?"
There was a sigh.
„Will you finally look at me, or do I have to punch you first?"

There was no menace in Shinpachi's voice, just soft exasperation and finally Sano dared to look up.

Shinpachi's hand was raised, open palm, the ellbow resting on the table. „Best friends forever."

Sano gave just a small smile in response, as he grasped the hand, mirroring the gesture, but inside him a heavy rock fell from his heart. „Best friends forever." He answered.
They dislodged their hands and continued eating in silence, untill Shinpachi spoke again.
„To answer your unasked question, no, I'm not in any problems, I don't need money and there's no hired killer breathing down my neck."
Sano wasn't even surprised anymore. By now he was convinced that Shinpachi had some telepathic powers implanted to him through a prior visit of an alien species from the other end of the galaxy.
„It's really just stuff."
Sano nodded at his friend, while he mentally kicked himself. Since he and Shinpachi had found and repaired an old TV, he had been watching too much Star Trek. He should stop that, before he'll put on a blue jumper and start sprouting sarcastic jokes in a southern drawl. Mixed with his Shikoku/kansai accent, it probably wouldn't end up well.
„I'll come to the dojo as soon as I can, ok?"
„OK."
They finished the soup and ate the rest of the poisonous food from the cafeteria in comfortable silence.

ox*xo

In June Sano had gotten himself a summer job. There would be less school and more time to work, so he could raise his income a little. Of course he planned to spend some time with Shinpachi, so he made sure that his time-schedule wasn't stuffed with work and studying. He was really looking forward to this summer. The last one had been a blast, much unlike the ones before and Sano wanted to feel it again – the Sun heating his skin, the seawind carressing his face, and the feeling of freedom, life and friendship.

He couldn't stop thinking that this Summer would be awesome.

He had been looking forward to it for the last two weeks. He kept imagining it during every lunch break, every PE lesson, everytime he went to and from work, every minute of his free time he kept thinking about the fantastic time he would have. He was daydreaming about it day in day out, up to the point where Shinpachi was already snickering at him amusedly, but Sano just grinned at his friend in response.

This state of mild imaginary lasted approximately one week and two days, untill one sunny June Tuesday, Sanji-sensei approached him.

Sano knew instantly that something was wrong. Sanji-sensei was the most cheerfull, most brazen and most witty happy-go-lucky teacher of their school, but as he called for Sano after the end of the morning PE, his face was pulled into worry lines, his eyebrows creased, the corners of his mouth down, and his forehead had more wrinkles than an old man between 70 and death had.

„What is it, Sanji-sensei?" Sano asked him once they sat down on one of the benches, another one of his infamous bad feelings settling in his gut.
„I need to talk to you Sano. About certain rumors I heard."
The bad feeling intensified.
„What rumors?"
„The first one about you working not only one, but several part-time jobs."
Sano fought to keep a straight face, to not give this man in front of him reason to believe what was an open secret to the entire school. No one could read him as well as this man could, not even Shinpachi. Tani Sanjuro, his homeroom and PE teacher and a father for the longest time.
„The second about you sleeping around with girls for money."
Sano was painfully aware of the corners of his mouth pulling downwards, as the man studied his face intently. Sano knew that Sanji-sensei would ask him and he was preparing himself to lie to this man and deny everything.
„Both are true, aren't they?"
It was just that no matter what, Sano couldn't lie to this man. Not after everything Sanji-sensei had done for him. So all that was left for Sano to do was look away in shame and utter a small „Yeah."

The reaction was immediate.

„You foolish kid!"
Sano flinched.

„What the fucking hell have you been thinking?"
„That I needed to pay the money for the school."
„And why didn't you tell me? I already offered you to pay it and you can pay me back once you have a stable job. Granted, you said no thanks, you couldn't ask this of me after everything I had done and told me that you would get the money from elsewhere. I let you go only because you promised you wouldn't do anything stupid, dangerous and potentionally harmfull and if it wasn't enough, you would come to me. However, as I see it, what you have been doing qualifies as stupid and potentionally harmfull, and since it wasn't enough, you threaded into dangerous grounds." After the initial outburst Sanji-sensei's voice was getting quieter with every word, untill it turned to barely above a whisper, but after the last sentence, Sano would have felt better if he had screamed. „Do you understand Sano? Not only did you endanger your future, you also broke both of your promises."

Sano felt horrible.

He couldn't look Sanji-sensei into the eyes, as he listened to the disappointed voice and felt the gentle, dark brown eyes on him.

„Why did you do it?"
Sano swallowed, because his throat felt suddenly very dry. „I told you that I needed the money..."
„You could have told me that and didn't need to sell your body. Fucking damnit, that's prostitution!" Sanji-sensei hissed. „You could get into jail for it!"
Sano supressed a tremble. „Not unless any of the girls tell." He tried to defend himself, but Sanji-sensei shot him back.
„What makes you think they won't?"
„What makes you think they will?" He was starting to get defiant, but it was his only defense now, the only defense against the man who knew everything about him.
„Why shouldn't they?"
„Why should they?"
„Sano!" Sanji-sensei was getting agitated. „They are fucking teenagers! Rich, spoiled, teenie girls who when they don't get what they want, are capable of everything."
„Then I'll give them what they want untill they don't wanna anymore."
„And they'll use it against you untill they grow tired of it and crush you. Sano, I've known you for your entire life and I never thought of you as someone who would want to depend on others."
Ouch. That was a low blow, way below the waistline. „I'm not depending on them!" Sano stood up in defiance and hurt pride, but Sanji-sensei just looked at him.

„Sit down, Sano."
„I'M NOT-"
„Sit down, Sano."

And just liked that Sano sat down.

„You are depending on their money. You are depending on the money of rich spoiled teenie girls. I could help you. It's not too late. I doubt they can prove anything if they had to, so it would be only their word against yours if you denied everything. But sooner or later they'll realize they have nothing in hand against you in case they would need it and they'll start documenting it. Snap a few photos or something. And that's when you've got a real problem. Stop it untill you can. Let me pay for you."
„What's the difference between me depending on them and depending on you?"
„The difference is, that I'm actually expect that you'll pay it back, sooner or later. And I don't want your body for it. The money will do." There was a small smile on the teacher's face. „And that I only want to help you, while they only use you. That's the greatest difference."
„That's alms."
„Not if I want you to pay it back. And neither am I planning on blackmailing you with it. I promise not to. And unlike certain people, I do keep my promises."
Sano shot his teacher a glare.
„I don't think I deserve such looks from you." Sanji-sensei only said calmly and Sano turned away once again from the honest eyes.
„Also, there's a reason why I am approaching you on this subject."
Sano raised an eyebrow.
„The principal overheard the girls talking about it and wants to investigate."
Sano's eyes shot wide open in horror. If the principal found out...
„He also wants to investigate about the issue of you working while stille visiting high school." Sanji-sensei looked at him seriously. „I can help you, but only if you let me, Sano. Think about it, but do so quickly. I want your answer tomorrow latest."
Sano, speechless in his horror, only nodded.
„Dismissed."

Sano stood up and left the gym like hypnotized. He felt like he had been kicked by a horse. His entire world was crashing down around him, his dreams dissolving into nothing, the daydream turning into a nightmare. He had worked so hard to build himself the life he wanted and now everything was being destroyed. Because he was such a fool. He was vagually aware of someone calling his name, bu as he opened his mouth to answer, nothing came out. He realized he was back in the school building, but he didn't remember getting there.

„Sano!" the voice had gotten louder, now it sounded from right beside him. „Sano, what's wrong?"

Sano turned only to be met by two worried azure eyes.

„Sano?" Shinpachi's tone was pure worry and suddenly it crashed down on Sano like a bucket of cold water in an explosion of anxiety: He would get expelled. He dropped his bag at the same time he started shaking and he saw Shinpachi's eyes widen with shock.

„Sano?"

Sano opened his mouth again, but nothing came out. He had to look like he was about to collapse, because next thing Shinpachi did was to rush him to the nearest restroom and pull his head under the cold water in one of the sinks.

When he pulled him up again, Sano's head felt a bit more clearer, but not less anxious.
„What's wrong?" his friend asked him again and Sano's found his voice again. It was weak, but it was enough to answer.
„I'll get expelled."
„WHAT?" Shinpachi's voice resonated in the empty room. „Why?"

And Sano told him everything he knew, about the confrontation with Sanji-sensei to the principal investigating the rumors about him. However, the more he talked, the more calmer Shinpachi seemed to get and as Sano finished, he was leaning onto the wall casually, his arms crossed on his chest.

„What do I fucking do?"
„First of all stop panicking."

Sano flashed him an angry look, ready to shout at him, but Shinpachi wasn't finished.

„Secondly, go to Tani-sensei and tell him that you accept his help."
Sano frowned.
„Like I could!"
„You CAN! That's why he approached you, you MORON!"

Sano startled. He had never heard Shinpachi shout at him outside of the gym or the dojo and never with such a clear and serious look as he had now. He didn't know what to do with it.

Shinpachi sighed and rubbed his temples.

„Why couldn't you, Sano? He's almost like a father to you and you'll pay him back once you can. And he's sure a more reliable and stable source of money than Miss Tits and Co. If you deny everything I'm sure the principal will believe you, the good and hardworking student rather than the stupid, spoiled, rich brats. And the ones you work for won't say a thing because it would get them into trouble too, for letting you work there."
„You make it sound so easy..."
„'Cause IT IS! Come on, Sano. You're a smart guy. Smarter than me. Smarter than the rest of the school. Smarter than the seniors even. Stop fucking panicking and think about it!"
Sano tried. He tried to clear his head, get rid of the distinctly sick feeling in his gut and think. He didn't have to get expelled if he went to Sanji-sensei and everything could be alright. If he just thought about it.

But before he could do that, a silent laugh interrupted them.

They both jumped as from one of the stalls, Ito-senpai emerged.
Shinpachi and Sano froze at the same time, as they saw the jet black hair and the infamous smirk, that told you that no matter how hard you struggled, you couldn't escape your fate. The richest kid at school, always wearing his white silk shirt instead of the regular cotton, neatly tucked into custom made pants, his tie in a perfect knot around the pale, but muscular neck, the shoes polished to shine. Always rich, always perfect. Envied, loved and hated, Ito Saburo, from senior grade.

Sano was among those that hated him.
Shinpachi too.
Ito-senpai reciprotated it in no lesser amounts of the emotion.

„I couldn't but overhear your conversation."

With this new developement, the issue suddenly evolved into a massive problem.

Ito-senpai couldn't but laugh at their frozen expressions and their eyes following his every move. „Oh don't worry, I won't tell anyone."
„No?" Sano asked, his amber eyes boring themselves through dark grey.
„No."
„What are your terms?" Shinpachi asked, arms crossed.
„Terms?"
„Don't play stupid. You always wanted to get rid of us, now's the chance of your life."

Ito-senpai just laughed.

„My dear Nagakura-kun. As it is, I'm getting rid of you by the end of this year, since I'm graduating. And I'm getting far too many benefits from this piece of information than to simply waste it on you two. Actually, you helped me with this information out a lot. I have a bone to pick with Haruka."

Aiba Haruka, or 'Miss Tits' as Shinpachi called her so affectionately, Ito-senpai's classmate, had also been the senpai's girlfriend at the time Sano banged her. Against Ito-senpai's locker.

„You would blackmail your girlfriend?"

„Ex-girlfriend, Harada-kun. And yes, I find it quite amusing. As it seems, I will be in longer association with Haruka. I'm sure there will be a good occassion where I can use the piece of information you provided me with for the purpose of persuading her into things she might otherwise not agree to. It's to my benefit that I keep it to myself at this point. If you want to, you can take it as a token of my gratitude for providing me with it."
Sano felt sick just by listening to the rich fuck.
„You asshole..."
„Now now, don't get rude, Harada-kun. In fact, you have my best wishes for solving your little problem." Ito-senpai looked at his Rollex watch. „Even though, I frankly don't know why you bother." He said in a complete by the way manner, but it still picked Sano's ears. „Now, it's time for the next lesson I assume. If you excuse me..." he turned around to leave, but Sano stoped him.

„What did you say just now?"

„It's time for the next lesson. In fact, I'm afraid, you missed lunchbreak, my dear kohais."
„Not that." Sano snarled. „Before that. About me bothering."
„Ah, that. I was just merely wondering why you would bother solving any of your problems."

„Why shouldn't I? Problems are there to be solved."

„Only if it makes sense to solve them. I mean, if you look at it, what sense does your life have? Your parents hate you, or so I've heard. You have no one who cares for you. You want to study to build yourself a life, but what's the purpose? You don't want power and you don't have anybody who would care for what you do. No one to pat you on the shoulders and tell you, good job son. Don't misunderstand me, I personally don't think it's something to be bothered about, but I figured you were the type of people who would be. Sometimes I'm really wondering why you bother. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe you're just as egoistical, ruthless and power-hungry as I. Maybe that's why I hate you so much." He looked at his watch again. „Now, I really have to go. And you two should too. If I'm not mistaken you got classical literature next and Tezuka-sensei hates unpunctual people." With that Ito-senpai was gone, leaving a stunned Sano behind himself.
There was a hand on his shoulder and Sano turned to look at Shinpachi.
„Ignore that manipulative bastard. You're nothing like him."
The only thing Sano managed was a weak nod.

x-x

But no matter what Shinpachi said to him, for the rest of the day, Sano couldn't forget those words. They repeated themselves in his mind like a broken record and engraved themselves deep within him. For some reason they struck a chord and even though he knew it was stupid he kept asking himself why he actually did bother.
He wanted a future and a life so desperately that he even forgot to ask himself why he wanted it so much. Not to make his parents proud. Not to build himself a family, either. He didn't met a girl he would like enough to do so yet and he doubted he would ever meet her. He had already come to terms with where his preferences lied and he wasn't getting much action in that department either. He had no boyfriend, nor a crush on someone, so the reason for his struggling to build himself a future wasn't because he wanted to protect his loved ones either. If he just wanted it only to have it, he was really no better than Ito-senpai, or any of those spoiled brats, he called his schoolmates. So why did he take the trouble? Live for the sake of living? There was no spirit in that, no productive reason.

Sano kicked a stone.

It was already the late evening and he was heading home after a tiring shift in work. His boss had been especially bossy today, every second and different order coming out of his mouth. Harada-kun this, Harada-kun that, Harada-kun hurry, Harada-kun why the hell are you taking so long, Harada-kun if you came here to just sit around you can go home right away...
Sano had endured it for the entire shift and now he was dead tired and wanted nothing more than his matt and his casettes. He was absolutely beaten. And the worst thing was, he didn't even know why he tried so hard.

As he opened the door to the house he lived in (he still couldn't call it home), his mother was on the genkan. As soon as she saw him, she let out a tirade about why he was still here and his father just stood there and said nothing, as usually. Nothing changed, everything stayed the same. Sano already knew that his parents would never love him, even though he couldn't stop loving them. He still cared for them, for an unknown, incomprehensible reason. Why else would they behavior still hurt him so much?
For the first time since he put the wall of defenses as a giant fortress around his heart up, he faced his parents without it and he realized how fucked up everything was. His parents hated him, he was in danger of being kicked out of school, his entire world was crashing down around him and he had no one to live for.
By the time he reached his room, it wasn't just the day that tired him out, but his entire life. He dropped his bag and planked down onto his matt heavily like a sandbag, his hair hanging losely around his face. He should cut it before it rge too long, he found himself thinking, but there wasn't a single cell in him he could bring to care about it now. His vision was blurry and he wiped his eyes with back of his hand to clear it, convincing himself, that just something fell into his eyes.

His entire being was in pain and he briefly wondered if one could die of heartache. He remembered reading a book once where it was possible, but he didn't remember the name or the author.

And really, what would happen if he died?

His parents would explode with happiness.

As would Ito-senpai.

The girls would miss their plaything, but they would probably find another one soon.
Sanji-sensei would be maybe sad, but then he wouldn't have to waste his money on Sano.
And Shinpachi? Surely Shinpachi would miss him, right? But then again, Shinpachi didn't need him. Shinpachi could take care of himself. Shinpachi would find himself another friend. There were six billions of people walking on the planet, surely someone would be suited for the position.

Sano rubbed away another wave of wetness from his eyes.

He felt so useless.

So.
Fucking.
Useless.

Why didn't he finally face it like a man should and admitted to himself that life was wasted on him? He sat up and looked around his room.

Empty.
Poor.
And so much like him.

He stood up and went to the bathroom, from where he retrieved a razorblade. It was old, but still sharp. His father had once used it, but he had stoped doing so shortly after they came to Kyoto. As Sano started needing a razor of his own, he started using it, instead of getting himself a new one. He even dug out the old sharpener from the very back of their closet.

He went back into his room and sat back onto his matt again, staring at the shining surface of the blade. He had always taken good care of it and now the sharp edge glinted in the moonlight.
He wouldn't slice his wrist. Slicing wrists was something for girls to do when they went all drama queen. No, he would do this the honorable way, like a man and a warrior should. After losing his purpose of life, he would slice his gut open.

Sano undid the buttons on his shirt with steady hands.

He was determined.
He wasn't backing out.
He was going to end it for real.

He laid the sharpened edge of the razor onto his left side.

He pressed.

It stung, but somehow it felt relieving.

Sano briefly wondered what a relief if would be once the length of his waist was sliced open, before he dragged the blade through his gut.

Karma, it hurt.

But at the same time it felt so good to finally feel sharp, physical, blinding pain instead of just the dull ache of his heart. Sano groaned and his vision swamm. He wasn't sure whether he was screaming or not, because the pounding in his ears overpowered every sound around him. He felt hot and wet liquid trickling down his skin and his head was spinning.

Almost there.
Just a little bit more.
He had to endure this blinding pain for just a little bit more and then everything would be over.

Over...

Over...

It was finally over, was his last thought as he fell into oblivion.

ox*xo

It was two in the morning when the private phone in Shinpachi's room went off and woke the sleeping youth up. First he tried to ignore it, but after it kept ringing and ringing for three minutes straight, a mop of brown hair dislodged itself from the covers and stared sleepily at the machine that made that offending noise. As that failed to silence the annoying piece of red plastic, Shinpachi finally reached for the reciever and picked up.
„What the fuck?" he grumbled into it, hoping that whoever was fool enough to disturb him, would get the hint and end the call right away.
There was silence.
Shinpachi frowned. „Listen you sick fuck, whoever you are, you are disturbing my sleep, I had a rough day and-"

The trail of his words stoped at the soft sound coming from the reciever, that put him instantly on alert.

Come to think of it, there was only a handfull of persons he had given this number and all of them knew better than to disturb him over nothing in the dead of the night. So it had to be something serious. And if he thought about it, out of the handfull of persons he gave this number, only one could have problems that were serious enough to call his friend. What worried Shinpachi however was, that the one he thought about, would never make such a sound as he heard just now.

„Sano, is that you?"
„It didn't work."

Shinpachi sat straight up from the shock of how weak that voice sounded.

„Sano, what happened?"
„I was born, that's what."
„The hell are you talking about?"
„See, I wanted to correct the mistake that nature made by spawning me."
Shinpachi's blood froze.
„But it didn't work...It didn't work..."
Shinpachi vagualy noticed he was shaking like a leaf.
„Where are you?"
„The alley behind the 27th street, just across the conbini a few blocks from my house."
Shinpachi slammed down the phone at the same time he jumped out of the bed. He threw clothes on randomly and with a swoop of his hand for the keys, he was out, thinking that it was a good thing his parents stayed in Tokyo. It made things certainly easier to have an empty house all to himself. Especially now, when his best friend needed him.

Sano had been acting oddly the entire day and Shinpachi could just imagine what had been ghosting through that redhaired head. Sano tended to think stupid things when he was controlled by his emotional side and the hotheaded temper that often jumped into weird conclusions only he could draw...Shinpachi didn't even dare to imagine what impact had Ito-senpai's words on his friends, not if he was to judge it by how his friend had sounded over the phone.

Finally he reached 27th street and the conbini came into sight.

From there it took only a few more seconds before Shinpachi reached the alley that Sano had been talking about, but as he turned the corner, his heart stoped beating for a few seconds.

Red. The color seemed to be everywhere.

Red phone booth at a brick red wall background.
Red hair, long and messy, shielding amber eyes.
Red blood staining the favorite, white sleeping shirt.

Shinpachi sunk to his knees next to his friend and was preparing himself for the worst, when the shadow that had once been the proud Harada Sanosuke spoke.
„It wasn't meant to be."
Shinpachi's hand stoped midair to Sano's shoulder.
„I thought if I wasn't meant to live, I was meant to die. But I was wrong." Sano finally looked at his friend and Shinpachi was greeted by a sad smile and the once sprakling amber depths staring at him dully. It broke his heart to see his friend like this, but the words that followed tore him apart even more. „I wasn't meant to die, because I was meant to live. I was meant to live, because I lived even though my mother wanted me to die." The smile fell and Sano averted his gaze to the clouded, grey skies. „I was meant to live, but I want to die. I chose to die, but I'm not allowed to. No wanting to live, not allowed to die...Why can't it just end?"

Shinpachi wasn't sure Sano even knew what he was saying.

From the stain on the shirt it was pretty obvious what Sano had tried and Shinpachi would be a very bad friend if he just left him to deal with it alone. He thought about it just for a miniscule break of a second before he hurled his friend into his arms and lifted him up.

„Come on, we need to get you out of here."
„I don't wanna go back..." Sano's voice was getting softer by every second.
„We're not going back."
„Shinpachi?" it came in a low mumble and the body of his friend grew a little heavier.
„Yeah?"
„Make it stop." The voice was less than a whisper now, but even despite that, the desperate words sounded clearly for Shinpachi. He fastened his grasp around the heavy body of his friend.
„I will, Sano, I will."
I promise, he added in his mind as he felt Sano's body going limp in his arms.

ox*xo

The next time Sano woke up, he had a massive headache and his entire body was in pain. One by one, the memories of the previous events came back and he remembered. Blood, pain, emptiness. With a wave of nausea he remembered what he had tried and quickly repressed it. He was here. He didn't succeed. And he had to deal with the consequences. But not now. He had just a moment to be filled with deep sadness and anxiety, before he realized with a start, that this wasn't his room. He was lieing in a soft bed, and the room was fully heated. And he wasn't alone. There was the sound of scribbling and he realized that what had woken him was the gentle humming coming from the same direction.

Sano opened his eyes.

He instantly recognized it and more memories came to him.
He had woken up at home, after he'd sliced his gut open. But his gut wasn't open. The place where the cut went was itching and seemed to be healing. He had also stoped bleeding. Disappointed that he hadn't succeeded and feeling lost and not knowing what to do, he had gone to call Shinpachi. His friend came for him and since then things were dark.

Had Shinpachi taken him to his place?
And how long had Sano been out?

Sano knew he should be worrying about work and school, but somehow that gentle humming calmed him.

„I didn't know you could sing."

Shinpachi jumped in his chair from startlement and spun around.

„Sano!"
In a flash he was next to the bed and blue eyes were looking at him worriedly.
„Did I wake you? Sorry. You were squirming and I thought you had another bad dream. This was the only song that seemed to work against them."
„What song was that?"
„Just a lullaby my granny used to sing to me." Shinpachi took his hand and sat down on the bed. „How are you?"
„My head hurts."
Shinpachi gave him a glass of water and a white pill.
„How long was I out?"
„Three days."

„WHAT?"

Sano bolted upright from shock as he heard that, only to regret it a moment later and with a groan of pain, let himself be pushed back into the soft sheets.

„What the fuck do you think you are doing? You're still healing, you moron!" Shinpachi growled.
„But the school! My jobs!"
„Relax." Shinpachi sighed. „I called in sick for you. And I talked to Tani-sensei first thing in the morning. I told him about Ito-senpai and that you collapsed from stress. He said he would take care of it. Last thing I know, the principal decided that inspecting the issue of you working and selling yourself isn't necessary. As for your jobs – you don't need them anymore. I told Tani-sensei you accepted his proposal."
„You did what?" Sano felt anger growing inside him, but Shinpachi only shook his shoulders.
„It was the only way I could help you out. And you promised you would let me help you how I could, remember?"

Upon Shinpachi's pointed look, Sano had to sigh, his anger subsiding.

Of course he remembered.

It had been the first time Shinpachi had called him a friend. And friends helped each other. Maybe it was really better this way. Maybe he should finally start accepting help instead of solving his problems albeit alone, but in the most stupid way. Even though ir really scratched his pride admitting it.
Not knowing what to say Sano looked around the room once again, when something came to him. He looked back at Shinpachi and tried his hardest not to so und like he was changing the subject.
„Why am I here?"
„You called me and I took you here. I cleaned and bandaged your wound, but it's probably going to scarr, since I'm not a doctor. I wasn't sure if you had insurance, so I didn't dare to take you to the hospital. Also, explaining to the doctors why your gut's sliced open, would have been a pain. Figured you would want to avoid uncomfortable questions once you woke up."

The mention of his gut brought back the issue to Sano's mind. He squirmed in the bed as this sickening feeling of anxiety returned to him and he realized that not thinking about it wasn't going to make it go away. He didn't succeed, so he had to man up and deal. Grow some balls and face it.

And Shinpachi looked like he should ask about it any moment.

Shinpachi, who had helped him.
Shinpachi, who had nursed him.
Shinpachi, who had been nothing but a friend to Sano.
Shinpachi, his brother.

The least Sano owed him was a thanks and an explanation.
„Thank you."
„No prob."
Sano saw that Shinpachi had the question at the tip of his tongue, but didn't dare to ask. So, drawing a deep breath, Sano asked his.
„How did I survive?"
While Sano really wanted to know that, at the same time it was serving as a confirmation to Shinpachi's unasked question: Have you really attempted to kill yourself?
And indeed, Shinpachi looked like his suspicions had been confirmed. For a moment his friend had this really sad look in his eyes, before he looked away and staring at a random point on the wall, he answered blankly.
„The cut was too shallow. It started to heal before you blead out."

Sano knew that expression.

It was the one he had, when he was dealing with his parents.

The look of complete apathy, a shield against emotions.

He had never expected to see it on his open, straightforward, outgoing, extroverted friend. And being the one to cause it, being the one who had hurt his friend so much...

„Why did you do it?"

Shinpachi interrupted his train of thought and sharp, azure eyes settled on him.
Sano swallowed. It seemed that Shinpachi had far more courage, dealing with his pain and hurt right away.

Sano looked away.

„I..." he swallowed again, his throat constricted and oddly dry. „What Ito-senpai said to me...I thought about it. You know, he was right. I don't have any reason for wanting to live."
„And why would you need one?"

At Shinpachi's words, Sano had to blink.

„Look, people have this bad habit of looking for various reasons to live and they forget that the sole reason for living, is life. Life has been given to us so we could live it, it's as easy."
Sano stared blankly at his friend.
„God wanted you to live, that's why you're here. Doesn't your survival only prove that?"
Sano blinked again.
„God? Don't tell me you're Christian."
„Shut up." Shinpachi looked away. „My family is. And it sounded like something my granny would say. And I always find much wisdom in her words."
A small smile made it's way on Sano's face.

„You talk a lot about your granny."

„I thought, I told you to shut up."

„Sorry."

„Yeah, I talk a lot about her, so? She's the only one of our family who cares about me and not my grades, my life, my reputation, or my carreer." Shinpachi shhot him a glare. „Don't go and change the subject."
„Sorry." Sano repeated and tried to look regretfull about his actions, but for some reason the smile refused to go away.
„What's so funny?"
„Nothing."
Shinpachi growled.
„I swear!" Sano raised his hands in defense, but in complete betrayal to his words, a small laugh escaped him.

And Shinpachi finally snapped.

„Sano, do you even realize what you have done? You tried to kill yourself!"
The smile was wiped away from Sano's face in that instant and he suddenly realized how much he had to hurt his friend with his stupid actions.
„I can't believe you! I thought we were friends! I thought you knew you could come to me when something bothered you. I mean, I know I'm a bad listener, an annoying person and a horrible friend, but that doesn't mean that I won't be here when you need me!"

Sano was horrified hearing those words.

„NO!" he took his friends hand and squeezed it as firmly as he managed in his weakened state. „No, no, no, no, no. Shinpachi, listen to me, listen!"
Shinpachi's eyes were full of hurt and defiance, daring Sano to disagree.
„Shinpachi you are not a horrible friend."
„Yeah, right. That's why you go and leave me."
„I wasn't leaving you!"
„But you weren't staying because of me either."

Sano looked away, but didn't let go of the hand of his friend.

„I thought you didn't need me. You're independent enough and you could find yourself another friend."
„I don't want another friend."
„I know. I realize that now and I'm sorry for hurting you. I was just tired of living and all this crap. I thought that if there was no reason to, why continue struggling?"
„That's pretty cowardly."
„I guess so. I admit that I'm not the strongest person, or with the highest pain tolerance, or with courage like a lion, but you have to believe me when I say, that you're the best friend I could only wish for."
Shinpachi sighed. „But only if you believe me, that you're the strongest, toughest, smartest and most courageous person I know. You just have this tendency to often overreact and you have a temper like a volcano. It's easy to anger you, as it is easy to hurt you."
Sano didn't know about the strong, tough and courageous, but he admitted, that with everything else, Shinpachi had hit the nail on the head.
„But I suppose, that's what I like about you so much, my friend." Shinpachi squeezed Sano's hand firmly. „Never do something like that again."
„I won't. I promise."
„Good."

Shinpachi let go of his hand and for a while silence settled between them, untill his friend broke it.

„So. Now that you don't have to woorry about work and money, what do you intend to do with your free time?"

Sano shook his shoulders.

„I don't know, actually. Study? Maybe I could visit the dojo more often? Find a hobby?" he sighed. „It's gonna be a lot harder to ignore my parents now with all this free time, I suppose, so I'll probably work on that." His beloved parents, Sano thought sarcastically. The reason he lived and the reason he wanted to die. He wished they were different. He wished they weren't his. Anyhow, he wished he didn't have to deal with them the way they were now. „Sometimes I wish I didn't have to live there." He couldn't help but admitting that to Shinpachi. At least his friend listened when Sano talked. „I wish I had somewhere else to go. Your place is fine, but I can't hang around here every spare minute of my time."
„Why not? It's big enough and I live alone."
„It wouldn't be independent." Sano was sick of depending on people.
Shinpachi nodded and for a moment he hesitated, before he spoke. „And if I could give you an independent place to stay?"
Sano looked in surprise at him friend. „What?"
Shinpachi looked at him. „Not that independent, mind you, but..." his friend sighed once again, before he started explaining „Recently I and a few buddies of mine formed a gang. That's actually why I haven't been going to the dojo that often anymore." He frowned iin though. „Though I doubt it could be called a gang. We just hang out at old warehouses, drink beer and smoke, get into fights with other thugs and do other useless things, out of sheer boredom and for the lack of better things to do. Probably nothing you would understand, with the busy life you had, but I could arrange that you could visit the hide-out and sleep there. Though my buddies would probably make you join."
Sano contemplated. Street life against his parents.
„I'll think about it."

ox*xo

A month later Sano was a fully integrated member of the 'gang' and couldn't be happier about it. Shinpachi's buddies were nothing like the rich, spoiled brats at school. Most of them were abandoned, unwanted and neglected kids. They had accepted him completely in their middle, after Shinpachi introduced him to them two weeks after he proposed it to him. They didn't make him feel left out, but they also minded their own business when they saw he didn't feel like having company. They gave him a place of quiet and peace, where he could, sleep, learn, or simply hang out at when he didn't feel like going home. In turn he helped them to fight rival gangs, who made advances into their territory.

The fights were the best.

Finally Sano could go out with full strength against someone other than Shinpachi, without holding back. Let his anger out. Vent his frustration. He finally found equals in strength. He knew it was a primitive way of anger management, but it was the most effective. And Sano never really lost control over himself. He always knew when his oponent had enough, when to stop the fight before it got too far.
The fights made his days exciting, and yet there was still something he missed, even though he didn't know what. He just sometimes felt disappointed if this was all that was there to life, but then Shinpachi would show up from wherever he had been and Sano would stop feeling that way.
And then there were days when he couldn't shake the feeling off. It was bugging him, because he finally found happiness and couldn't even enjoy it.

Untill one day turned it all around.

It was the middle of summer, on a mercilessly hot and restless day, when the air was standing still and the Sun was scorching. It left the gang feeling itchy and in need for something to happen that would make them forget that it was so fucking hot...in other words, a perfect day for a fight.

They have been hanging around the borders of their territory, drinking cold beer and smoking cigarettes, when on the other end of the alley, the guys appeared. They told them to fuck off, but the handsom, purple haired guy with fascinating crimson eyes, who was no doubt their leader, just sniped back at them cheekily. It didn't take them too long to get from point A to point B.

Sano had been home previously that day, so he wasn't in the best of his mood. He decided to deal with the leader. He took his razorblade, which was a lot more effective than that old iron bar and took a swing at the handsom guy's neck. The handsom guy dodged (which Sano was secretly really gratefull for) and for a split moment, their eyes met. Briefly, the thought that he had never seen such eyes flashed through Sano's mind, when said eyes suddenly glinted and the handsom guy pulled out a gun, seemingly out of nowhere. Sano barely had the time to realize that the hammer was pulled back, when the first shout sounded.

It took his two seconds to realize that he had dodged it and another second to realize that he was trembling with excitement. After that they went wild.

Normally, the rule no. 1 of street fights would have been, that once you see a gun, run. But Sano found that he didn't want to. Or more specifically, his body didn't want to obey this rule, not after it found out that it could dodge a shot. They didn't even notice that soon their fellow gangmates stoped fighting each other and formed a circle around the two of them. Time and space stoped to matter, they were caught in their own little world full of exciting fights.

Soon the second shot sounded, then the third and the fourth.

Handsom guy had only two more shots.

Sano made a faint and aimed at handsom guy's face. There went the fifth shot and a small tricke of blood was now decorating the tan skin of the left cheek.

The rest of their fight went in a flash.

Sano jumped forward at the same time handsom guy moved in a hazy blur of colors, the stray locks of their hair flying around them. And then the world came back.

They stood in the middle of the circle made by their fellows.
Handsom guy's gun was pointing at Sano's head, point blank, hammer pulled back, index finger on the trigger.
Sano's razorblade was pressing against the jugular vein of handsom guy, a small trickle of blood flowing from where it broke the skin.

Handsom guy was grinning from ear to ear and with a start Sano realized that he was too.

And then they both laughed.

It was a deep, resonating laughter, that echoed the walls of the abandoned alley.

Simultanously they lowered their weapons.

Handsom guy spoke to his gangmates, but his eyes never left Sano, sparkling with mischief.
„We're leaving! There are some monsters in this part of the town!" he laughed and then leaned towards Sano. „But we'll be back. And when we do, I would really like to call you by your name, pretty boy."
Sano's eyebrow lifted itself as he heard how the guy called him, but he didn't comment on it. He supposed it was fair enough, since Sano called him handsom guy.

„Harada Sanosuke."

„Harada Sanosuke." Handsom guy repeated and the straightened himself up. „You better remember my name then, untill we meet again: Shiranui Kyou." With that he turned around and walked away, while Sano was left staring at his retreating back.
„Shiranui Kyou." He mumbled and then smirked. He had a nice ass.

ox*xo

As Shiranui predicted, they met again, but Sano doubted it had been coincidence from the crimson-eyed's part. One day, when Sano was walking the route from his home to the hideout, Shiranui had simply been there, waiting for him in one of the alleys. The third time Shiranui had crossed his ways, after Sano left the dojo and headed to meet up with the gang at the park. He simply jumped down from the top of a four storey building, landing gracefully like a panther right in front of Sano. The fourth time Shiranui had surprised him at the abandoned docks. They fought together each time and each time it ended in a nearly-death-situation draw. Ironically, Sano had never felt so alive as during those fights.

The fifth time had the charm.

They have been fighting each other at the abandoned docks again, near to the old harbour when it happened.

The fight had taken longer than th eother ones and they were, both exhausted, taking a small break, before they continued. Shiranui was loading his gun for the third time that day and Sano was leaning on the wall, smoking his third cigarette, when the pruple haired spoke up.

„I actually didn't expect you to last this long, pretty boy."
Sano chuckled. „You expected me to die at our second encounter, handsom man?"

Shiranui eyed him.

„Why do you call me handsom man?"
„Why do you call me pretty boy?"

Shiranui snorted and finished loading his gun. „Ah well, who cares." He approached Sano and placed his hand next to Sano's face, leaning himself on it. „I'm glad you didn't." He said, while crimson eyes stared intently into amber ones.
Sano blew the smoke into Shiranui's face, but the purple-haired male didn't as much as bat an eye.
„I'm glad too." He rasped.

Sano was aware that he was playing with fire, but he was similary aware that he and Shiranui were on the same boat. Why else would Shiranui stick around him for so long? To get his kick out of a fight? Maybe, but that also didn't answer the question why Shiranui would want to stare at Sano's ass for more than five minutes, if he didn't have an aparent interest in it.

„Your body moves very well."
„Oh, yeah?"
„Yeah. You dodge the bullets well. Almost looks like dancing."

And then there were the remarks. They were said casually, by the way, always pointing out one of his better physical abilities, but they were laced with an innuendo that was very hard to miss.

„Do you dance, Harada?"
„With you, Shiranui?"

Shiranui was dangerously close now, his breath ghosting over Sano's face. His heart was trying to hammer itself right out of Sano's chest and he heard his blood pounding in his ears. The air around him was extremely hot and he felt light headed.

So yeah, he was nervous.

Aside the fact that he had never done it with a guy, he wasn't so sure what it was that Shiranui wanted.

A casual fling?
A fuck buddy?
Or did he have actually honest interest in Sano?

This entire concept of relationships was new to Sano and he didn't really know what to expect, or what to do. So he decided to take it in stride and with a tip of his head, he leaned in and kissed Shiranui.
It didn't matter what Shiranui wanted, Sano thought to himself as he parted his lips invitingly and in the same instant a hot piece of wet flesh darted inside. It didn't matter, because Sano wanted this man, if only once. He was kinda sick of being a partial virgin.

x-x

He didn't remain one for long, Shiranui made sure of that. They next time they met, this time at the other end of the town, a good deal from their territories, they did much more than kissing. And this time, fighting was just a foreplay.

In the afterglow of it, Sano laid half on Shiranui, half on his back, smoking a cigarette, wondering what it had been that had him so nervous.

He blew the smoke out through his nostrils and whispered. „Holy fuck."

From beside him Shiranui snickered.

„I admit, that for a virgin, it wasn't as bad."

Sano turned to him with both eyebrows raised.

„How did you know?" then he remembered the virgins he had taken. „No wait, on the other hand, I don't want to know."
Shiranui smirked.
„And besides, I wasn't entirely. A virgin, I mean. Had some girls, but that was more for money, than actual interest in them."
„If you're gonna charge me now, I'll have to shoot ya."
Sano smirked. „Nah. You're too good to charge you."
„Glad to hear that."

Sano took another drag of his cigarette.

„What happens now?"
„What do you mean by that?"
Sano shook his shoulders, trying to be as casual as he could.
„We fucked. And we're from rival gangs."
„If you won't tell, I won't either."
„Good."

Silence settled between them and Sano took another drag.

„That's not what you wanted to ask, is it?"
Sano blew the smoke out and turned to Shiranui again.
„You a telepath?"
„Yeah, Spock's my dad."
„Right." Sano looked away and smoked some more, then with a final sigh, he looked Shiranui into the eyes. „I just wonder if you want to see me again."
Shiranui rolled his eyes. „Eternal problem with virgins: They get clingier than a sepia once you fuck them."
„If you want me to leave, you just have to say so."
Shiranui rolled his eyes again. „Calm you tits, moron. You're smart, you're strong, you're witty, you're great in the sack, you have a body of a greek god and really nice hair. Of course I want to see you again!"

Sano raised his eyebrow.
„You like my hair?" He fingered one of the lose locks.

Shiranui looked away, a small flush covering his cheeks, to Sano's great amusement. „Yeah. It suits you long." His lover gave him a sideway glance and fingered one of the locks. „Accents your pretty features." There was a hint of sarcasm in the sentence, but Sano ignored it. Shiranui just wanted to cover his embarassment over being caught doing such a sappy thing as admiring his lover's hair.
Sano had to admitt that his hair had grown really long. He was actually thinking about cutting it sometime, but now he wasn't so sure anymore.

With a smirk, Sano stifled his cigarette, after he took a final drag.

„So we dating?" he asked, returning to the previous subject, feeling bolder.
„Ya want us to?" He felt SHiranui's gaze on him and he turned to meet the crimson eyes.
Shiranui didn't seem too oposed to the idea of them starting a real relationship, oposite to what Sano had thought. It made him feel a little more hopefull, but at the same time, he didn't want to jump into things. Even though they had just fucked, he barely knew Shiranui.
„How about we just go and make it up as we do?"
Shiranui smirked. „We speak the same language, pretty boy."
Sano returned the smirk with one of his own. „I'm glad to hear that, handsom man."

Shiranui started tracing circles into his chest and Sano subconsciously leaned into the touch.

„You didn't answer my question."
„Which one?"
„Do you dance, Harada?"
„Yeah, a little. Why ya asking?"

Shiranui smirked just a bit more wickedly and Sano shivered at how dangerously sexy it looked on the man. „You'll see."

ox*xo

And see Sano did.

For their next meeting, Shiranui sent him a message to meet him at a certain adress at 10 pm. First Sano didn't think anything of it, but as he arrived and saw Shiranui standing in front of what appeared to be an old, run-down bar, he understood that this time it wouldn't be just a simple 'let's meet and fuck number'.

A grinn split Shiranui's face as he spotted Sano.

„You're here. Great." Shiranui said as Sano was within hearing range and gave him a small 'hello' kiss.
„Worried that I wouldn't show up?" Sano asked him when they parted.
„Now, how would you come to that idea?"
Sano looked around. „Where are we, by the way?"
Shiranui jerked his thumb, pointing behind himself, to the bar.
„This, my pretty boy, is a gay bar."
Sano's eyebrows shot up into his hair and eyed the establishment more closely. It didn't have anything suspicious, that would indicate to a bit different clientele than the other bars in Kyoto.
Shiranui, as if reading his thoughts, spoke. „Doesn't look like it, does it?"
Sano shook his head. „Not at all."
„The drinks are cheap, the dancefloor brand new and the bartender doesn't ask stupid questions." Shiranui explained and presented Sano his elbow. „Shall we? My treat."
Sano eyed the elbow, then the bar and again the elbow, before slowly a smirk spread across his features.
He stood himself next to Shiranui and took the offered arm. „Thank you for your invitation, handsom man."
Shiranui grinned back at him. „My pleasure, pretty boy."

And together they entered.

The door lead to a small foreroom with a coathanger, inclosed by a dark-red curtain. Shiranui helped Sano to take his lite summer jackett off and then his own and then they passed the curtain.
The room behind it was lit only by the dimmed lights along the walls and the big, round lustre above the dance floor, that presented itself right in front of them.
Shiranui lead him to the counter and they sat down on two bar stools.
„What do you want to drink?"
Sano considered. „You said the bartender doesn't ask annoying questions?"
Shiranui nodded, his eyes sparkling mischievously.
Sano grinned wickedly. „I have always wanted to try a Long Island Ice Tea."
And Shiranui ordered just that, along with a Long Beach.

They didn't wait too long for their drinks and soon they were clinking their glasses together.
„Kanpai."
„Kanpai."
Sano took a sip of the drink and almost choked. The stuff was strong! But good. Strong but good. The bitter taste of alcohol and the sour limes were balancing the sweetness of the coke and gave the drink a refreshing edge. Shiranui looked like he was enjoying his drink too, drinking it in long sips.

Their eyes met.

„Do you like it?" Shiranui asked him, eyeing him a tiny bit suspisciously.
„It's great." Sano answered, his head feeling a bit lighter. There was no helping it, even if he was no newbie to alcoholic beverages, he wasn't used to such strong stuff.

Suddenly a strong hand gripped his and pulled it gently. „Come dance."

Sano, feeling bolder, laid his glass on the counter and let himself be lead to the dancefloor. They stepe don it just as the song ended and the intro of a new one started. Sano recognized the melody as a boogie and relaxed. An easy dance.
He felt Shiranui's arm encircle his waist and allowed himself to be lead. He waited for his partner to start and then he simply followed. Their first steps were tenatative and they held onto the basic compilation, the same by the foxtrott that followed. By the chacha they got more bolder and tried a few figures and at the quickstep they went all out. Shiranui spun him in all directions, the music around them was blaring in melodies from Culture Club, Wham! and Modern Talking and Sano felt like he was flying.

They forgot the time.
They forgot the space around them.
They even forgot about the drinks waiting for them at the counter.

They left the bar at the closing time as the last ones.
Their feet were aching, they were sweating all over their bodies, their breathing was irregular and ragged, their hearts were pounding a hole into their chest and their heads were spinning from how quickly they downed the strong cocktails, they left waiitng for them the entire night. Sano wanted nothing more than another night like this.

Briefly the thought that it might as well have been his first date flashed through his mind, before he leaned into Shiranui's body and let himself be lead wherever his partner lead him.

ox*xo

By the end of the summer Sano was sure they were dating.

They went out almost every night, danced till the early morning hours, went to the customary warehouse to have sex untill the Sun stood high in the sky and then they parted ways, Sano leaving for school, or the hideout, depending on the hour and Shiranui going to his own duties.

It was the best summer Sano could imagine. Although his initial plans had been completely different, he was glad they changed. When Sano looked back and thought about everything he went through at the start of the season, he couldn't but be glad that things turned out the way they did, in spite of everything. The only thing he regretted was that he didn't get to spend much time with Shinpachi, other than school and the occassional tutoring. He still visited the hideout, but he rarely stayed too long, having already made plans with his boyfriend.

It didn't take long before Shinpachi noticed.

It was the start of September and they were once again learning at SHinpachi's place, reviewing the past lessons, when his friend had meassured Sano with one of those unreadable, thoughtfull, dangerously observant looks that Sano had come to fear, and said: „You've been hanging out less witht he gang."

Sano felt a vague sense of déja vue, only twisted around.

„Yeah, I have stuff going on."
Shinpachi's eyes narrowed. „Were you working?"
Sano loooked at his friend. „No, of course not." Shinpachi didn't look too convinced and Sano tried a smile. „I don't need to, right?"
Shinpachi eyed him for a few moments before he nodded. „Right. But that still doesn't explain why you've been hanging out less with us. You didn't grow tired of us, did you?"
It was said casually, but something was off. And it hit Sano at the same time the feeling of déja vue came back: Shinpachi wasn't looking at him.
Sano caught himself supressing a smile. He quickly fought it off. This wasn't the time to be laughing, his friend was serious. And Sano would be damned if he didn't know how Shinpachi felt.

„Shinpachi, look at me."

Shinpachi gave him a sideways glance.

„I'm not getting tired of you. You're my best friend, how could I? I really had just stuff going on. I promise to arrange myself more time for you, alright?" he was meeting with Shiranui today anyway, they could talk about it then. Shiranui too had his own gang he had to hang out with sometimes, after all.
Finally Shinpachi turned to him entirely and after another thoughtfull look, he sighed and finally nodded. „Alright. I just...you're my best friend, you know that. Right?"
Sano nodded. „Right."

x-x

Sano left the hideout half past nine that evening, after spending there two hours and proceeded to his date with his boyfriend. As always, Shiranui waited for him at the bar and before they entered they kissed deeply.
They danced 'till after midnight and then went to the old warehouse, or their 'love shack' as they came to call it, where they had long, passionate sex. Same as every night they met, but always leaving them sated and at the same time wanting for more. Sometimes Sano wondered how Shiranui didn't grow tired of him, but if his boyfriend was expieriencing the same sensations as Sano in the throws of their shared passion, he could relate.

It wasn't untill after they finished when Sano brought the issue up, smoking his usual afterglow-smoke.

„Shinpachi has noticed that I've been around less time than before."
„He your keeper?" Shiranui asked, stealing a drag from him.
„No, my best friend." Sano answered and took his cigarette back, taking a drag himself. Then he turned from where he was seated in Shiranui's lap to face his boyfriend. „And we're still from rival gangs, don't forget that."
„So? I'll simply shoot whoever finds out about us." Shiranui stole his smoke again.
„You're imagining it to be too easy." Sano took the smoke back.
„'Cause it is!" Shiranui made a grab for the cigarette again, but Sano pulled it out of his reach.
„No it isn't! And leave my cigarette. If you want to smoke, get your own pack."

Shiranui sighed and put his arm down. „What do you want from me, Harada?"

Sano sucked the smoke into his lungs, then exhaled slowly. „Just saying that we should spend less time together before we get found out. Beisdes, it's true, that I and Shinpachi had been only rarely together for these past three months. I want to catch up." He hesitated. „And I don't want you to get tired of me. Next to Shinpachi, you're my only..." he trailed of, not daring to finish the sentence. He and Shiranui have never really talked about their relationship, or their feelings and Sano wasn't sure if him declaring his friendship to Shiranui didn't break an established taboo and would later ruin them. He looked at Shiranui, silently asking if he didn't go too far.

His boyfriend was just looking at him with those piercing, crimson eyes, absentmindedly stroking Sano's red locks, that previously unfastened, now hung losely over his shoulder.

„Where did you get the idea of me getting tired of you?" he asked, instead of answering and Sano cursed invardly. Next to Shinpachi and Sanji-sensei, Shiranui was the only one who could read between the lines of Sano's words and got what the discussions were really about instead of what Sano pretended it to be.
Sano looked away and took the last drag of his almost burned down cigarette.
„Shit happens."
A low rumbled went through the chest underneath him as Shiranui snickered.
„Not anytime soon, pretty boy."
Sano had to smile and he put his smoke out.
„Good. But I still want to spend more time with Shinpachi. Hope you won't get jealous."
„Who, me?" Shiranui smirked. „You're being delusional, Harada."
„Keep telling yourself that, Shiranui."
„Fine, go and spend your share of quality time with hat idiot. As long as it's me who you fuck, I don't mind."
Sano smirked. „You're reeking of jealousy."
Shiranui rolled his eyes and lit another of Sano's cigarettes.

ox*xo

As Sano made it back to the hideout with a happy bounce in his step, Shinpachi was already waiting at him at the back entrance, leaning on the wall, arms crossed at his chest. It took one look for Sano to know that something was wrong. Months of learning to read Shinpachi's expressions showed their result, as Sano regarded the folded arms, the angry frown and the corners of the mouth turned downwards in a scowl.
The good mood gone, Sano approached his friend warily.

„Shinpachi. Did something happen?"

Without beating much around the bush, Shinpachi answered him straightforward: „I saw you."
One of those ominous bad feelings spread through Sano's gut as he thought about what could have his freind so angry after 'seeing Sano'. His suspicions were confirmed with the next words his best friend said.
„I was curious where you were sneaking off to and followed you. I even went into that bar. And I spied on you through the crack in the wall of the warehouse."
Sano was speechless. No. Shinpachi couldn't have seen him with Shiranui. They would have known if they were followed...or not? Sano gulped. He had his defenses down around Shinpachi and Shiranui loved danger, so maybe they wouldn't have noticed? But more importantly, they way Shinpachi was looking at him now was chasing goosebumps down Sano's skin. His friend looked so...betrayed. And Shinpachi's fists were shaking. That meant he was either upset, or angry, both of which was never a good situation and had to be strictly avoided. Sano wanted to say something, but his throat felt oddly tight, like there was a thick rope tied around it and prevented him from speaking.

„I thought you said you weren't gay."

Those words brought Sano out of his speechlesness. Oh no...Shinpachi thought now that Sano had lied to him. But at that time, Sano hadn't lied, not really at least. He hadn't said the truth either, but that wasn't something that was to be discussed right now. Sano had to explain to Shinpachi that he hadn' t lied to him, that he would never. „I'm not!"
Shinpachi gave him a pointed look and Sano sighed, acknowledging that this time was the time for the compelte truth to be said. „Bi. I'm bi."
„And why didn't you tell me?"
Shinpachi shook with anger and all Sano could do was look away and shrug.
„You never asked that."

Shinpachi looked ready to blow something.

„That guy you met. He's from the rival gang."
Sano was aware that Shinpachi was changing the subject, but he couldn't do anything about it. The only thing that he could do was to answer all of his friends questions and hope that his reasons were good enough for his friend to forgive Sano for not telling him such important things.
„Yeah, I know." He admitted.
„What the fuck have you been thinking?" Sano flinched. Shinpachi had never raised his voice at him, but now he was yelling. One part of him felt horrible, but the other part felt a sudden surge of anger shoot through him. With what right was Shinpachi yelling at him? He was neither his father, nor his mother. „Do you even realize what would happen if someone of the gang found out? And to top it, the one you have to fuck with is the absolutely most fucked up guy from the rival gang! And Evil, badmouthed, wicked, spoiled son-of-a-bitch!" Sano couldn't bear it anymore. Shinpachi was yelling at him and while he did so, he was insulting the only other friend Sano ever had. He had to stop Shinpachi before he did something to his friend he would later very much regret. Sano still had anger management issues and Shinpachi was really pushing it. „Tell me Sano WHY the FUCK-"

„I love him!"

Silence.

In spite of being the one who said them, those word surprised even Sano. Shinpachi gaped at him open-mouther and Sano mirrored that expression in no less shock than his friend.

„You love him?"

There was something else than shock in Shinpachi's face, but Sano was too stunned to think about it, as he realized at the same moment, that he meant the words he had said, the words that had flewn past his lips, coming right from the very depths of his heart.
„Yeah." He whispered. „I love him."
For a split moment something flashed across Shinpachi's features, but it passed too quickly for Sano to distinguish it's nature.
Finally Shinpachi sighed, his head bowing to something similar as defeat. „Alright then. I'll cover for ya."
Sano couldn't find the words to express the amount of relief he felt.
„Thanks."
Shinpachi, after a final nod, only turned around and walked away.

ox*xo

And so the years passed.

Shinpachi stayed true to his word and never told a single soul that Sano was dating the guy from the rival gang and in turn, Sano swore to himself to never keep anything from Shinpachi again. A few days after their encounter, he had approached Shinpachi again and apologized for not telling him something like that. Shinpachi thankfully understood his reasons and accepted them and their friendship stayed in tact, for which Sano was eternally gratefull. But nonetheless tehre was something that was bothering him. Whenever Sano would mention Shiranui's name, this certain look would pass over Shinpachi's face and his friend would change the subject instantly. And whenever Sano would ignore the change of subject and go on about Shiranui, Shinpachi would blow.

It didn't take long for Sano to figure out why.

And after that, he never said Shiranui's name again in Shinpachi's presence. He tried to deal with the situation and slowly they rebuilt their friendship again. By graduation year they were inseparable, Shiranui or no Shiranui. They were considered two of the best students of their school, but they were both still largely unpopular. The trial of being an outsider, Sano supposed, but neither he nor Shinpachi cared much about that. They had each other.

Granted, it hadn't been easy at the start of Sano's relationship, but things have finally settled down into a routine and everyone was mroe relaxed by now, than when the whole mess started.

And now a new sequence in their lives would start. Graduation was a month away and they were both bent over the books, every spare second they had, Sano not forgetting the goal he had, in spite of everything that happened, and Shinpachi remembering their challenge from the first year.

But still Sano managed to squeeze in some time for his boyfriend. They made a point of meeting not less than two times a week. They always went dancing and then to 'their warehouse' where they would spend the night in each other's embrace.
Tonight was one of those nights.
They were currently at the bar, dancing and Shiranui was leading him to the beat of 'their song'. After three years they had developed quite some skill at this and they even gained themselves something like a name in the bar. Everyone knew them and everyone watched them dance. Sano was kinda proud of that – to be loved and praised for who he was. He had finally accepted himself with his flaws, instead of trying to change them and that was something he had mostly to thank Shiranui for.

You pulled the grey skies out of my way,
You make the Sun shine brighter than Doris Day.

But now that he thought about it, what would become of his realtionship with Shiranui, if Sano left for the University in Tokyo. Would it last the long distance? Or would it wither and die?

Come on baby, let's not fight,
We'll go dancing, everything will be alright.

Later that night, smoking his 'after-smoke', he was asking himself the same thing, deep in thought untill Shiranui snatched the cigarette from him and took a drag.

„You're gonna fry your brain."

Sano glared at him and snatched his cigarette back.

„I'm surprised you even know what a brain is."

Shiranui snorted. „How funny we are today." He took the cigarette from Sano again. „Gonna tell me what's on your mind, or will you actually mull over it untill your brain exploades this time?"
„Is that hope in your voice?" Sano made a move for his smoke, but Shiranui pulled it out of his reach and took another drag.
„Yeah, I've been looking for a way to get rid of your sexy ass."
„So you finally admit it?"
„I don't remember ever pretending."
They glared at each other challengingly.
„Shiranui..." Sano growled, while Shiranui just took a long, relishing drag.
„Give me that damn cigarette."
„Chain smoker."
„If you don't give me that cigarette now, I'm chopping your balls off with my razor."
„Pervert."

Sano gave a frustrated howl and charged, but Shiranui held him back and brought the cigarette out of his reach again.

„I'll give you the cigarette, if you tell me what's been bugging you."
Sano sighed defeatedly. „It's complicated."
„So?"
„You'll finish the damn smoke by the time I finish explaining it to you."
„You give me less credit than I deserve." Shiranui said and took another drag, blowing the smoke out of his nostrils. „You better start, before the smoke gets short."
Admitting defeat, Sano settled down with his back against Shiranui's chest. „I was just thinking...I'll be leaving for Tokyo soon."

Shiranui smoked. „Yeah, you mentioned university a few times. So?"
„Come with me." It flew out of Sano before he knew what he was saying, but then he realized that this was what he really wanted. He felt Shiranui's body jerk in surprise.
There was a startled cough followed by a raspy „What?" and Sano turned in the lap to look into the deep crimson hues of his boyfriend, before he repeated himself.
„Come with me. To Tokyo."
Shiranui was looking at him with a very sober look. Then he looked away and took a very long drag.
„What would I do there?"
„Study." Sano offered and Shiranui snorted loudly.
„Yeah, right. I dropped out of high school, I barely made Junior High and you don't want to know what elementary school I visited."
„You're not dumb."
„That's not the point. I dropped out of school cause I didn't want to go there anymore. That's not changing."
„Then how do you imagine your future?"
„I don't. I'm making plans to die in a street fight at the age of 30."
„But-" Sano started to protest, but Shiranui interrupted him
„No but, pretty boy. Not everyone is like you, wanting a better life worth living for. I never wanted anything with my life, I never waited for a big chance, I never wanted a future, where I could get succesfull, rich and old. I don't see the point. I don't need to prove myself, or anyone else at that matter, anything, I'm content with who I am and that's as who I wanna die. This is what I choose."

Sano was looking into Shiranui's eyes for a long time, the long burned down cigarette forgotten, before he turned away with a final sigh.

„Is really that how you see it?"
„Yeah."

Sano nodded, his throat suddenly constricted at the realization what this meant. But Shiranui saved him from talking as he spoke up himself.

„I knew for a long time now, that my and your paths don't head the same way. It's already a miracle they even crossed." After a pause, Shiranui looked at him. „I'm glad they did."
Sano found himself nodding. „Yeah, me too."
Fun was over. Reality began.
„Let's enjoy the little time that we have left together to the fullest."
„Yeah, let's do that."

ox*xo

A week later finally the days where Sano had to show the fruits of his hard work came – the exams. It was a hard week full of thinking, learning, writing, stressing, learning, thinking, writing and again stressing and then...it was over. Their results came with the local mail and Sano opened the envelope with shaking hands.

A row of straight A's greeted him.

First he couldn't believe it.

He re-read the paper thrice, untill with a victorious scream, he rushed out of the house, to the nearest phone-booth.

Shinpachi picked up after half a ring.

And to Sano's complete delight, he had won their challenge. Shinpachi had a single B, but otherwise had also A's.

They agreed to meet at the dojo to celebrate their success and perhaps sparr a little. They haven't done that in a while.

x-x

„So. What do you want to do with your life now?" Shinpachi asked him over a bottle od Kondo-san's finest sake. „University and then?"
Sano sipped the liquid and looked into the sky. It was a warm, clear, cloudless day. Spring was in the air.
„I don't really know." He had never really thougth about that. He knew he wanted to study, but he didn't know what he would want to become.
„I thought about teaching." Shinpachi said. „I know it might sound stupid, but I noticed it's something I'm really good at. I mean, I was able to make you graduate on A for math. And your english is pretty decent now."

Teaching, huh? That didn't sound that bad, actually. He had a lot of exercise in that, already. Maybe he would become a PE teacher, like Sanji-sensei.

Sano smiled.

„That's a good idea. Do you mind if I join you?"
Shinpachi smiled one of his rare smiles. Those that were neither a smirk, nor a grinn, but a true, happy smile. „Not at all."
„Good." Sano smiled into himself and downed the cup of sake, then poured himself another one.
They stayed like that for some time, just enjoying the company of each other and basking in the warmth of the first spring day.

On their leave, they went to say their byes and thank yous to Kondo-san, who had been much like an uncle to them for the past years. They knew it hadn't been easy for the man, much less with the debts the dojo had gotten into recently. Everyone knew Kondo-san had problems with money and feeding the growing teenagers that had found a home there was by no means easy. But Kondo-san never complained, never yelled and never judged. He was a great man and had earned himself the respect of his students.

They found him sitting on the veranda, staring at the blooming sakura tree, a sad smile on his face.

He had to hear them approach, because as they were withing hearing range, he said without turning towards them: „It had started blooming today."
They stood themselves in front of him.
„This tree is always the last one to bloom, but today it actually started showing it's flowers first." He focused his gaze on them. „Kind of like the two of you. For years you've been struggling, smothering your potential and now you glow like the Sun itself, exploading from it."

They didn't know what to say to those kind words, so both of them stayed silent.

„I'm glad I could help you with that at least a little." He locked his gaze onto the sakura tree again. „I wish I could help more kids like you. But with the dojo like this, it might not be possible any longer."
Kondo-san averted his gaze to the ground and so did Shinpachi.
„Then open a school."
They both looked up, surprised hearing such words.
Sano looked straight into Kondo-san's eyes. „A good school. A school that everyone who wants to learn something could visit." Then he smiled only a tiny bit mischievously. „And if you want us to, we'll come to teach there."
Slowly a smile spread across Kondo-san's features. It was a nice dream to have: Directing a school. Maybe he would give it a try once the most of his debts were paid. And maybe it would give him something to look forward to and to fight for, when the situation seemed hopeless.
„I'll think about it."
And with a smile and a deep bow to the man, Sano and Shinpachi left.

ox*xo

Sano graduated with honors.

It was a week after the letter with the grades had arrived, the day of the graduation ceremony and it was the day that he and Shinpachi would leave Kyoto. The train tickets were bought, the university accepted their applications and they got a room together in the dorms. Life could start.

The graduation was in the morning and the train left at three in the afternoon. They agreed to meet at the train station a quarter an hour before. The day before Sano had packed all of his belongings in a single bag and there was one more thing left for him to do...

Five minutes before three, Shinpachi was tapping his foot in front of the train, a single suitcase in hand, staring at his clock.
Where the fuck was that damn bastard? The train would leave in a few minutes and-
Suddenly he heard his name being yelled.
He turned to the direction from where the voice came, breath already drawn to give his friend a piece of his mind, before it got blown out.
„SANO!"
Sano was standing in front of him, bag in hand, leaning onto his knees, trying to catch his breath. Then he looked up, grinning sheepishly.
„Sorry I'm late."
Right now, that was the last of Shinpachi's worries as he stared shocked at his friend.
„Your hair!"
Sano fingered one of the red, now short locks, grinning
„Yeah, I cut it. I spent the last money of the stash on it. That's why I was late."
Shinpachi reached out to finger it. „Why?"
Sano shrugged. „Change's life." Then his smile fell. „You don't like it?"
Shinpachi almost cried. „I liked it long. Suited you kinda..."
Sano couldn't but chuckle, startling Shinpachi even more. „Actually, that's what Shiranui said."
Shinpachi opened his mouth to ask another question, when the sound of the speaker sounded.

„Train departing to Tokyo-Shibuya will shortly depart. Passengers traveling to Tokyo are kindly requested to-"

Sano and Shinpachi didn't bother listening longer and hoped on the crowded train. In the department they were in, they saw no free seat and didn't bother looking for one. They had strong legs, they could stand. And in case they wanted to sit down, neither of them had problems with sitting on the floor. Given that was possible, with the people pressing so tightly against each other. Shinpachi and Sano pushed themselves into a quiet corner at the window. At least they had somewhere to look.
Shinpachi spoke up the same moment the train moved. „Sano?"
Sano turned to look at his friend, when he noticed he actually had to sink his gaze a little to be able to look into Shinpachi's eyes.
„Did you shrink?" He asked before he thought and Shinpachi blushed promptly.
„No!" His friend shot him an embarassed glare. „You grew actually."
„Oh." Sano, his own cheeks slowly gaining an embarassed color, went back to staring out of the window. Shinpachi coughed, but Sano didn't look back at him, sparing himself and his friend the embarassment.

„I wanted to ask you...about Shiranui. Will the two of you continue to date?"

Sano's gaze fixed itself on an oil stain on the window. „We broke up." He said silently.
„You did." Shinpachi didn't sound surprised at all. „May I ask why?"
Sano thought about the answer to that. The train passed some old storage facilities and Sano thought of the old warehouse, when he suddenly spotted it: A lone figure atop of one of the higher buildings, long purple hair flying wildly around the wind. He was close enough for his features to be distinguished, but Sano thought that he didn't need to be. He would have recognized that person from ten miles away.

It was Shiranui.

A tan hand lifted itself and crimson eyes locked with his.

Sano was sure Shiranui saw him, even through the glass, even through the glass of the passing train, their link surpassing such material affects. For a moment their eyes met and Sano lifted his hand in a bye.

He remembered Shinpachi's question and knew the only answer he could give to that.

„It was just better that way."

„You're not for the last time in Kyoto." Even though Sano could feel his friend right beside him, his voice sounded very far away. „You'll see each other again."
Sano thought about that.
„Perhaps in a next life, Shinpachi."
The building disappeared behind the tunnel and the tall figure with it. No more crimson eyes and wavy purple hair. Sano lowered his hand and sad, amber eyes turned to look at Shinpachi.
„We said our sayonara, for this lifetime."

Shinpachi looked thoughtfull when he nodded and averted his gaze to the ground.

„Well...I know you loved him. I'm sorry that you had to break up, but...I can't say I'm sad about that."
Sano didn't reply, so Shinpachi continued.
„I haven't been entirely honest to you, Sano."
Sano still didn't say anything and Shinpachi kept his gaze at the ground.
„I didn't think I would ever tell you, but perhaps I should. You should know it."
Shinpachi still didn't look at Sano, so he couldn't have seen the start of a smile forming on the lips of his friend.
„You know I've never liked Shiranui and that's mainly cause I was jealous of him." Shinpachi gulped in unsureness, but the next words were steady as he spoke them. „I have been in love with you since I first saw you. As I asked you whether you were gay was because I was hoping I might have a chance dating you."
„Shinpachi..."
Shinpachi didn't let him even start the sentence. „I'm sorry for not telling you earlier and I understand if you are angry, but our friendship-"
Sano knew what his friend was thinking and where he was heading with his words, years of expierience creating in him an incredible understanding of the man in front of him, so he interrupted his friend, before he reached a bad conclusion.
„Shinpachi!"
Shinpachi shut up, but didn't look up.

„Shinpachi, look at me."

Slowly the brownhaired head raised and unsure azure blue eyes locked with Sano's. For a moment they went wide with surprise, probably upon seeing the smile on the handsom face.
Then Sano said two words.
„I know. I've known for years."
Surprise went over to shock and Shinpachi asked in a startled voice, azure eyes wide. „You knew? How?"

Sano looked away, fixing his eyes on the spring sky, that was the same shade as Shinpachi's eyes.

„It wasn't hard to understand that your anger as I mentioned Shiranui's name was in fact jealousy. After I realized that, I stoped mentioning him at all." He looked into Shinpachi's eyes again and noted that his eyes were a bit bluer than the sky. „I thought about talking it over with you, but I didn't know how. I was happy with Shiranui and wouldn't be breaking up with him only to make you happy. Nothing would change. And then I thought that maybe you would me more comfortable if you didn't know I suspected anything. So I never said anything. But fact is...I like you too. I had a crush on you since the freshman year. However, I didn't know how you felt and then Shiranui came along and I kinda settled for the one who I knew was available." He paused. „I'm sorry too. I should have talked to you about it."

Slowly the shock on the handsom face faded and got replaced with a smile.

„You like me?"

Sano returned the smile. „A lot."

Shinpachi shifted his position and suddenly Sano was very aware of how close they were standing. He could feel Shinpachi's breath on his face, the intense heat his friend's body produced and also the midsection pressed tightly against Sano's. And from the feel of it, both of their pants were becoming mildly uncomfortable. Sano was actually glad that tight jeans were slowly getting out of fashion. It would save him a few embarassing moments.

„So..." Shinpachi spoke, his voice sounding husky. „Would you date me?"

Sano smirked and instead of words, he let his actions speak for himself, as he closed the distance between them in a soft kiss.

Shinpachi's lips were rough and a bit chapped, but his mouth was incredibly hot and wet and produced wonderfull noises as Sano's tongue swept through it. His pants got a lot tighter than before too.

So yeah, he was heartbroken over his break-up, but that didn't mean that he couldn't enjoy whatever life, or karma, ot whatever cosmic might was directing his life, threw at him. And here he was, Shinpachi, his friend, his secret crush, his life-savior and anchor, melting in his arms and kissing him back like there was no tomorrow. He would be a fool not to size this oportunity.
Neither of them cared that they were on a crowded train, with all the people staring at them as they kissed and neither did they care about the journey they had ahead of them. Nothing mattered, but the kiss they shared and the many they knew that would follow them, wherever it was their joined paths took them.

ox*xox-*-xox*xox-*-xox*xox-*-xox*xox-*-xox*xo

Before I entirely finish this shot with a 'R&R!', there are a few things I should clear out, before I'll have to answer the same questions thrice.

I know I made their high school life actually four years long instead of three. It just works better for me that way, I blame it on the school system I grew up with. Let's just pretend that there was this reform later that made the high school three years long, yes? Besides: Fanfiction, right?

Them starting to call each other by their given names after the first conversation. I know that the Japanese people aren't so benevolent with their names like western people, but this isn't supposed to be a historical exkursion through Japan of the 80ies. This is a Hakuoki AU fanfiction and in Hakuoki, they call each other Shinpachi and Sano. And I think that most of my readers can relate to the significance of the gesture.

The Star Trek pun. In the original series, there's a character named Spock, I'm sure all of you have heard of him, at some point in time. He's my second favorite character, right after McCoy, but that's not important right now. He's an alien from the planet Vulcan, and Vulcans are touch-telepaths. And they have pointed ears. I figure, the show was popular back then and the Next generation just started airing, so I guess that a teenager would associate telepathy with Spock. Feel free to throw rocks at me, if you find the pun annoying. I don't know what hit me either.

Also, if you're not familiar with cocktails – both Long Island Iced Tea and Long Beach belong to the cathegory of long drinks known as Pick-me-ups (or killer cups). They contain vodka, rum, gin, tequila and limes. Long Beach is made with cranberry juice, Long Island with Coke. Drink a few cups and you can dial the ambulance for accute alcohol poisoning. If you'll be able to find the phone right next to you.

And. There was actually supposed to be a gang war in this, but after seeing the length (which is exceeds the length of Tango towards destruction, which untill recently I considered the pinacle of my work, in the word and page count AND beats the length of my barely finished bachelor degree work by FAR) of this shot, I decided to leave it out. It wasn't as important anyway. It's purpose was more to show the strength of Sano's and Shiranui's relationship and to provide a sorta conclusion to this chapter of Sano's and Shinpachi's lives, maybe provide a chance to leave. But since the mentioned chapter of Shinpachi's and Sano's life (namely their time in the gang) wasn't as written out, I thought it for unnecessary to provide you with a conclusion for it. You can consider there was a gang-war and that it ended well enough, with nobody dead, but the gangs dissolved. Set it directly before the Kondou-talk scene.

I think that does it for the endnotes.

R&R!