"Cherish those you have in your life because you never know when they won't be there anymore."
I snatched a tissue from the tissue box backstage of the school auditorium and wiped off the sweat from my hairless armpits. I couldn't believe I actually took Justin's deal and signed up to be in this stupid talent show. I got butterflies just thinking about all the possible mess-ups I could make.
"Damn, why are you so nervous?" Miley asked, after sipping her drink from Starbucks.
I threw the tissue away and looked at up her. "Because Justin's out there! What if I mess up or something?!" I exclaimed.
"OH MY, GOD!" She yelled. I slammed my hand across her mouth, preventing her from saying anything else.
She licked my hand with a grin and I quickly wiped my hand on my leather skirt.
"You're so gross!" I shouted while giving her a stink face.
"You have a crush on Justin!" She whispered as people continuously walked past us.
"No, I don't!" I denied.
"Yes, you do!"
"Okay, maybe." I said smiling.
She grabbed my hands and started dancing around singing, "Demi's gotta crush!" I smiled wide and started dancing along with her. I looked past Miley's childish dance moves only to see Justin walking toward us. I elbowed Miley in her side and she looked at me with her eyebrows furrowed as she sat down on the table where I had gotten the tissues.
"What the fuck was that for?!" She quietly yelled.
"Justin's coming." I said.
"Aw, Demi!" Miley adored making a heart with her fingers.
"Hey, Lovato!" Justin greeted me with a smile planted across his face. I gave him a hug with Miley next to us, grinning. "So, what are you gonna sing?"
"Well, it's going to be like stripped down." I said. "You know, I'll be wearing clothes, sadly."
Justin laughed. "Sadly." He jested with a wink. I almost laughed at the fact that the song was actually about him and the night that Terrance and Justin had gotten into a fight. Oops.
"What about you, Bieber? What are you singing?" I asked.
"If you won't tell me, I won't tell you." He smiled.
"Fine." I said with a sigh.
"Are-" Justin started but wasn't able to finish due to a short slightly overweight brunette that came over to me with a clipboard in her hands.
"Demi Lovato?" She questioned. "You're up first. Be by the right stage entrance in ten." She walked away and suddenly those butterflies started to fly faster and my heart started beating uncontrollably.
"Oh, fuck." I said covering my mouth. "I think I'm gonna throw up." I ran into the nearest girl's bathroom, which was a couple of feet away and locked myself in a stall.
"Demi?" I heard Miley say with her heals clanking against the floor. I held my stomach and tried to pace back and forth in the tiny stall. "Look everything's going to be fine just breathe. You'll be fine. Trust me."
"Demi, look." Justin's voice flowed throughout the room. I couldn't believe he actually came into the girl's bathroom like that. "Remember when we were on our first date and I made you get up on stage and preform "American Honey"? It's exactly the same thing. Remember that rush you felt when you were singing your heart out and when you caused a giant crowd? Don't you want to do something like that again because now is the time to show your talent and share your amazing voice. It's all going to be okay because no matter what happens, me and Miley believe in you and all you have to do is believe in yourself."
"Now, come out please, or I'll pull you out by your crusty feet and sweep this shitty floor with your ass." Miley said as Justin lightly laughed.
Without hesitation, I opened the bathroom stall and walked out.
"Okay, let's do this." I said with confidence even though on the inside I was still terrified.
"Yeah! That's my girl!" Miley yelled hitting me on the back as we all exited the bathroom making sure Justin wasn't seen because who knew what kind of trouble we all could've gotten into if someone saw all of us leaving the GIRLS bathroom.
"How much time do I have?" I asked whoever was listening.
"Like two." Justin informed looking at his watch.
"Shit." I mumbled. I grabbed my guitar that I left siting against the wall and ran to the right side of the stage behind the red curtains where again I met the short brunette with the same clipboard.
"Demi!" I turned around adjusting my guitar. "We'll be in the crowd watching!" Miley shouted exiting the backstage area with Justin by her side.
I turned back around and took a deep breath.
"This next performer will be preforming an original song using only her voice and her guitar." The principal said. " Please welcome, Demi Lovato."
Shivers shot down my spine as the short lady gave me a little push on the back.
"Go." She said. I walked up the steps just as the principal walked down on the opposite end of the stage.
I sat down on a wooden stool that was placed in the middle of the stage with a microphone in it's stand. I adjusted my guitar and looked out at the crowd as the lights dimmed. Miley, Justin and Nick were sitting front row, which brought a huge smile on my face. My eyes caught a glimpse of Selena, Kaitlin, Tya and Taylor consumed in the middle sitting next to a bunch of guys including Terrance. The crowd obtained what seemed to be almost a hundred people and maybe even more.
I shook off my nerves and started to strum the melody on my guitar making sure that I wouldn't forget my starting place.
"Hey, yeah, yeah. I hate you. Don't leave me. I feel like I can't breathe." I began. "Just hold me. Don't touch me. And I want you to love me, but I need you to trust me. Stay with me. Set me free, but I can't back down. No, I can't deny that I'm staying now 'cause I can't decide. Confused and scared. I am terrified of you. I admit, I'm in and out of my head. Don't listen to a single word I've said. Just hear me out before you run away 'cause I can't take this pain. I hate you. Don't leave me. I hate you. Don't leave me 'cause I love when you kiss me. I'm in pieces. You complete me, but I can't back down. No, I can't deny that I'm staying now 'cause I can't decide." I looked over at Justin who looked uncomfortable. His arms were crossed and he licked his lips. He knew it was completely about him and that's what I wanted. I wanted him to known how I felt that night.
"Confused and scared." I continued. "I am terrified of you. I admit, I'm in and out of my head. Don't listen to a single word I've said. Just hear me out before you run away 'cause I can't take this pain, no. I'm addicted to the madness. I'm a daughter of the sadness. I've been here too many times before. Been abandoned and I'm scared now. I can't handle another fall out. I am fragile. Just washed upon the shore. They forget me. Don't see me. When they love me, they leave me. I admit, I am in and out of my head. Don't listen to a single word I've said. Just hear me out before you run away 'cause I can't take this pain. No, I can't take this pain. I hate you. Don't leave me. I hate you. Please love me."
"Thank you." I said into the microphone.
The lights turned back on and everyone clapped. Justin, Miley and Nick were standing with smiles across their lips. Everyone followed them except Taylor and her "clique" including Terrance and Selena. I couldn't help, but smile at the feeling of my music actually being liked by people other than Justin. I grabbed my guitar and headed to the stairs that lead backstage. As I walked down the steps, I could've sworn I heard Taylor yell, "Bipolar freak!" I tried to ignore it and grabbed onto Miley. She wrapped her arms around me.
"You did amazing, Demi!" She said. We both let go and I looked over at Justin who hid behind a fake smile.
"That was great." He said.
"Thanks." I smiled.
"Well, I have to go. I'm up after this ventriloquist."
"Good luck." He hugged me and made his way to the same steps I had walked down earlier.
Miley and I walked back to where she was originally seated with Justin and Nick. The ventriloquism was over and the principal was back on stage.
"With only a guitar and a voice, please welcome Justin Bieber." He said and fled off the stage and Justin appeared. He sat down on the stool without a single sign of nervousness and started strumming the melody and singing along.
It didn't really hit me when he hit the sang the second stanza:
/Girl you say, that you don't, wanna talk but it's cool. I've been thinking 'bout you all day long, hoping you'll pick up your phone. Girl you know, that I don't, wanna lose, your love. Oh, baby (oh baby), oh, baby./
I started to think it was about us, but I was just over thinking it all, right?
The song kept repeating itself until he started talking through the song.
"So, what I'm really tryna say is and what I hope you understand is despite of all the imperfections of who I am, I still wanna be your man. I know it hasn't been easy for us to talk with everyone being around, but this is personal. This is for me and you and I want you to know that I still love you. I know the seasons may change and sometimes love goes from sunshine to rain and I'm under this umbrella and I'm calling your name. And you know I don't wanna lose that. I still believe in us." He started singing. "I still believe in love. I still believe in us. I hope you believe in us the way I believe in us. You don't see. 'Cause what you don't see, is when we don't speak. I really don't sleep. I wanna talk to ya."
It couldn't have been about someone else unless he had a couple of girlfriends before he moved here, but then again, when I was going through his songs, there wasn't one song that had any of the same lyrics. I didn't want to be all up in his personal life like this but I was just curious.
Justin's performance soon ended and Miley and I went backstage to meet up with him. My nerves had kicked in and I had a sudden urge to use the bathroom badly. Justin walked over to us with a giant grin on his face.
"That was great!" I said after giving him a hug.
Justin put his guitar down next to mine and we all walked back to our original seats. We were all anxious to know who won, but we wouldn't know until at least fifteen minutes.
I shifted myself in the seat to face Miley. "I'll be back." I said and scurried out of the auditorium before the principal started talking.
I passed two sets of lockers and reached the girl's bathroom. Then it hit me. I was being so stupid. There was a bathroom backstage and I totally forgot. I used the bathroom quickly because I didn't want to get stirred up in any mess Terrence and his friends or Taylor and her friends could brew up if they decided to leave.
I left the stall door open and squirted the contents from the soap distributor into my hand. As I rubbed my hands together, I heard the sound of heels hit against the dirty floor.
"Oh, look its a rare species. Don't get too close, girls. It could have rabies." Taylor's annoying voice jested with her "friends" laughing behind her.
I looked at them through the spotless mirror. Selena was at the back of the group looking down at the floor to avoid eye contact.
"Are those cuts on your arm?" Taylor asked as I dried of my hands with a towel. I quickly shoved my hand into the pocket of my jean jacket.
"No." I lied.
"Guys, she's emo. Beware." She said begging for attention. I clenched my fist ready to punch her. I walked up to her and her friends who were blocking the door.
"Can you move?" I asked. They all stepped out of the way.
"Bitch." Taylor said as I exited the bathroom with the door closing behind me.
I walked down the hall and stopped in front of my locker, which was on the way to the auditorium and the words "Fat whore. Look inside." were written on it in sharpie. I opened it carefully hoping that nothing would pop out or attack me. As I opened the locker door a mountain of crumbled up sticky notes fell down on me. I picked one up and read it. The words "why don't you just die already" flashed in front of my eyes. Another one said, "die" in capital letters and under it was written, "nobody likes you". Tears started to flood my eyes as I looked down at my feet where one not crumbled sticky note laid. Those two words changed everything. Those two words, "kill yourself", looked me dead center in the eyes. By now, my tears were unstoppable. I shoved all of the sticky notes back into my locker, not leaving a trace and walked out the school's entrance.
I was done with everything and everyone. I wasn't wanted. I wasn't wanted anywhere so what was the point? There's no reason for me to be living. There isn't a reason for me to be breathing.
I walked down the sidewalk looking out at the motionless street beside me. There weren't any cars that could possibly hit me with a simple turn even though that's exactly what I wanted.
The sound of the wind howling through the trees caught my attention. I could hang myself if I had some kind of rope.
The walk from the school to my house took at least 15 or 20 minutes and I had only covered about 5 minutes. The sun was setting, but everything looked gloomy and dull. I wasn't slightly worried about kidnappers or robbers. They would probably end up killing me anyways, giving me just what I wanted.
I finally made it to my house which seemed like forever. Miley and Justin had called and texted me multiple times, but I didn't bother answering because there was only one thing on my mind. Pills.
There weren't any cars in the driveway meaning my parents weren't home and Maddie was home alone. I opened the front door using the key under the mat. Maddie was fast asleep on the couch making it a lot easier on me. I ran up stairs, after kissing her on her forehead, and pulled out a pen and a piece of paper and began writing:
Dear whoever,
This life is too judgmental and uncaring to live. I just can't go on. Why should I if I'm hated by everyone for no apparent reason?
I went on until I had a page and a half with tears rolling down my face.
"Fuck this." I said to myself and drew an "X" across the paper.
I grabbed my laptop and opened up the camera and switched to video. I hit record and before I knew it, I had published the video to Facebook with the caption of "Bye!"
I ran my fingers through my hair and wiped my tears with the palm of my hand. I was really doing this.
•Justin•
"I'm gonna ask anyone if they've seen her." Miley said before walking back into the auditorium.
Just as I was about to switch my app program from Facebook to my text messages to Demi, I noticed a video by her with the caption: "Bye!" I tapped the video and let it play.
"So, um...you guys got what you wanted." She said through the tiny screen with rivers flowing down her face. "I'm just totally done. I really don't see the point of breathing or living anymore. I mean I don't understand why everyone hates me so much, but I might know why now because I hate me too. So, I guess that's it and Justin," she hesitated. "I love you. Bye!" She waved.
My mind raced with thoughts as I ran out of the school building to my car. I foraged through my pockets looking for my keys until I felt it at the bottom of my right pocket. I quickly got into the car and drove off into the night. I called Demi over and over again and she still didn't pick up. Half of my mind assumed I had lost her and the other half knew she was alive.
"Demi, pick up the fucking phone!" I yelled.
It went straight to her voicemail again. This time I called 911.
I finally reached her house and ran to the front door without locking the car door. I banged on the door repeatedly yelling, "Demi".
"I'm coming!" A little girl's voice yelled.
She opened the door and I ran inside.
"Where's Demi?!" I asked hurriedly.
She shrugged. "I don't know."
I ran up the stairs to Demi's room. Nothing. She wasn't there.
I noticed the bathroom door had been cracked and I could see her knee through it. I squeezed through the crack and found her body lying on the tile flooring.
I bent down near her and checked her pulse. Her heartbeat was irregular. She was unconscious or even worse...in a coma.
"Demi?!" I questioned. No answer. I didn't know if she could hear me or not. I shook her by the shoulders. "Demi!" I looked past her and saw an empty pill container behind her. I picked up the container and read the label. She had taken antidepressant pills.
Tears started to roll down my face. I wasn't afraid to cry. It was my entire fault. I knew Demi had problems and I chose to give Selena more attention than her and Demi really needed someone.
"What's wrong with Demi?" The little girl asked peeking through the door.
Immediately, sirens surrounded the house and I could hear police officers and the paramedics storming inside the house from downstairs.
"Up here!" I yelled.
In a matter of seconds, Demi was placed on a gurney and rushed downstairs with the little girl and I following closely behind.
"What's your name?" I asked her.
"Maddie. I'm Demi's sister." She explained.
My heart sunk. Her sister would have to live with the fact that her sister was trying to kill herself right above her and she had no clue.
I rested my hand on her shoulder. "Demi's going to be okay. Don't worry." I said.
I helped her up into the ambulance and sat next to her as they closed the doors. Demi's lifeless body laid on the gurney as they tried to see what was wrong with her.
"Do you know what happened?" One of the paramedics asked.
"There was a container near her that said, "antidepressant"." I replied.
"She unconscious. We need to get her to the hospital, immediately." They told the driver. The car began to speed up and we were soaring down the highway.
I pulled out my phone and dialed Selena's number, since I didn't have Miley's number and she was probably worried sick.
"Hello?" Selena answered.
"Hey, it's me. Can you get to Brandon Hospital right now?" I asked.
"Wait, why?"
"Just call Miley and tell her that Demi O. ." I said and quickly hung up because I knew I needed to comfort Maddie right now.
I wrapped my arm around her as she stared at Demi's emotionless face.
I couldn't believe any of this. This all seemed like a nightmare. I hadn't even known Demi for two weeks and I was in the back of an ambulance with her laying on a gurney. I would be devastated if she left me. I cared for her.