"Fix her," Candy repeated, "Please, you gotta – "
"What happened here?" Raph barked, pointing to the scratches on her skin and the rust-colored stains on the sheet.
"She did it to herself," Candy sobbed, babbling rapidly as she wiped her face, "She was screaming and crying and there was blood and I didn't know what to do so I gave her a few Ambien and some Xanax but I think maybe I gave her too much but she's bigger than she used to –"
"Wait, you drugged her? How many is 'a few'?! Damnit, Candace – "
"I PANICKED, ALRIGHT?!" Candy shouted, slapping Raph in the shoulder, "You didn't see her! She says she wants to shower, begs me for a shower, I say 'Sure, Mona, whatever you want,' and I hear the door close and then that scream – God!I had to break the damn door down, and there's bits of mirror everywhere and she's just…clawing at herself – I almost took her to the hospital, but – "
"The hospital?!" Raph cried, his brow leaping to the ceiling, "You can't take her there!"
"No shit, Sherlock!" Candy cried, "You think I want her to end up somebody's science project?! But I had to do something!"
Raph had only listened to the first part of this, before abruptly entering the bedroom, gripping Mona by the shoulders and shaking her roughly.
"Mona," he shouted, "Mona! Can ya hear me?"
He dropped his head down close to hers, felt for a pulse, and listened carefully for her breath. Heartbeat was sluggish. Breath was shallow, noisy, uneven.
"Candy - we need to call my brother. He's the only one who can – "
"NO," she said, shaking her head, eyes growing wide with panic, "No, no way. Nobody can see her like this."
"Well I don't know what the fuck to tell you, Candace!" Raph snarled, "He's the scientist, not me! Besides, even he hasn't got the magical mystery cure you're hopin' for, okay? That ain't how this works, he's not just gonna walk in here like, 'So, you're a goddamn lizard? Well, shit happens, take two of these and call me in the morning!'"
But Candace slid down the doorframe, shaking like a leaf and burst into hysterical tears, her face a mask of tragedy, contorted in grief.
"Aaahhhh damn," Raph cursed softly, "Candy, I – "
He sighed. Well, if he couldn't call Donnie he was just gonna have to do his best.
"Alright, look, get up. Get up, Candace! You got coffee?"
"C-Coffee? You want?…"
"It's not for me! Just – make coffee. The stronger the better – espresso if you got it."
"Okay. Right. Coffee. Yeah."
She got to her feet shakily, and stumbled towards the kitchen.
Raph sighed, and gently as possible, rolled Mona onto her back.
Woah. Weird.
She had boobs. Well, kinda…boobish…lumps. What the hell kinda reptile had hair and boobs? That was mammal stuff. Then again, what the hell kinda turtle had teeth? Or for that matter, walked, talked and fought crime?
All a matter of perspective, I guess.
He laid down next to her on the bed, wrapped her arm around his shoulder, tucking it between his neck and his shell, and sat back up, dragging her along with him. Her head sagged backwards at an uncomfortable angle, and she moaned softly.
"Yep. Come on, we're goin' for a walk."
Grabbing her wrist with his right hand, he wrapped his left around her waist and dragged her out of bed. She groaned weakly again, head lolling forward now. Her feet dragged against the floor as he carried her awkwardly out to the living room, and started pacing back and forth.
Candace eyed them anxiously. He could see a million questions burning in her eyes, but a glower from him silenced them all.
Back and forth they went, the silence punctuated periodically by Mona groaning distractedly. After dragging her for a few circuits, he was pleased to see that she would occasionally attempt a stumbling step, though her feet quickly gave out from under her again. Her tail dragged limply behind her, twitching spastically every now and again – he wasn't sure she even remembered it was there, let alone knew how to move it.
"Atta girl," Raph muttered, "We're just takin' a little stroll."
"Nnnnggg…"
"Come on, honey," Raph growled, more firmly, "Time to wake up. Come on. Can you tell me your name?"
"Mmm….Mo…nnna."
"Mona – that's a nice name. Real nice. Know where you are, Mona?"
"M…muh….my…"
She was struggling to form words, but her eyes fluttered, and she started trying to take more steps instead of just being dragged along. Slowly, Raph relaxed his grip, trying to let her support more of her weight.
"Sish….shister…"
"That's right," Raph said, feeling like the host of the world's weirdest TV Quiz show, "Two for two. Next time you gotta put it in the form of a question, though."
"Nnn…"
"Nope, hey – get those feet under ya. Come on, stand up. That's right, here we go. Know what year it is?"
"T…..twuh…..two?"
"Two? Nope, sorry. A for effort, though."
"Whuh…who?..."
"Just a friend," Raph said, "I'm just a friend."
"Can…dy?…"
"I'm right here, sweetie," Candy called, anxiously, "I'm here, baby. You're doin' real good. Raph – coffee's ready."
Raph walked Mona over to the kitchen table and carefully tried to deposit her in a chair, but her tail kept getting in the way.
"Candy, yer gonna have to uh…come and…"
Candace hurried over, reached for her sister's tail, and then hesitated, as though suddenly horrorstruck. Raph seethed.
"Gettin' heavy here," he snapped.
It was a lie. He had more than enough strength to hold Mona up for another few hours, but he didn't like the way Candace was gawking at her tail like it was something disgusting – he'd seen that look directed his way from humans before – pretty much every human he'd ever met. Even April, at least at first. It never got any easier. He suddenly felt fiercely protective, didn't want anyone looking at Mona like that. Poor girl was havin' a hard enough time. And with chagrin, he thought maybe he understood a little better why Candy was so adamant about nobody else seeing her.
Candy finally managed to get Mona's tail situated through the back of the chair. Raph carefully positioned her arms on the table and then carefully lowered her head down. Once she was situated, he took the opportunity to crack his neck and stretch out his arms.
Just as he was about to lift her head up again, try to get her to drink some coffee, his T-phone buzzed against his plastron again.
"Try an' get her to drink some," Raph said, stepping aside, and allowing Candace to pull up a chair next to her.
He flicked open the phone to see a text from Leo.
LeoIchibanTurtle: You coming home or what?
Raph scowled, and thumbed a terse reply:
Raph: noHe was already putting it away again when it buzzed in his hand. He grunted in annoyance. Guess Leo couldn't make it that easy.
LeoIchibanTurtle: Care to elaborate? Raph: I got a situation here
He waited for the inevitable bitching.
LeoIchibanTurtle: Hm. A "situation" at Candy's.
LeoIchibanTurtle: I wonder – will this "situation" result in a hangover?
Aaaaaaand there it is.
Raph scoffed, tempted to throw the damn phone out the window. Wouldn't be the first time. He usually just told Don it got cracked in a fight, though he worried he was starting to get wise to that excuse.
Instead of flinging the phone out the window, he took a breath and let it out through clenched teeth. He didn't want to bother Don just 'cause he couldn't keep his temper.
Huh. Look at me, all growed up.
Raph: Yeah leo u got me all figured out
He slammed the T-phone shut, and shoved it back into the pouch in his belt. He returned his attention to the soft murmuring behind him.
"Come on, just another sip, sweetie. There ya go."
"Uggh…s'gross…"
He stomped over, and putting Mona's arm around his neck, dragged her to her feet again, ready for another scenic tour of Candy's living room. The T-phone buzzed against his plastron a few more times but he ignored it.
Two cups of coffee and who knew how many shuffled laps around the living room later, Mona was supporting almost all of her own weight, and her breathing was quiet and regular. Raph got a funny feeling as he made the left turn around the coffee table for the umpteenth time, and he glanced over to see Mona sneaking a look at him.
"Hey," he said, surprised.
"Hey," she responded, through weary, drooping eyelids.
"Rough night, huh?" he said. He tried to make his voice as gentle and unthreatening as possible, but it just came across like this weird psycho whisper, so he cleared his throat and tried again, "You uh…you feelin' any better?"
"Tired," she said, "Really…really…"
She seemed to be hunting for another word.
"Tired."
"Yeah, well," Raph said, with a reproachful glance at Candy, "A fistful of downers'll do that to ya."
Candy took it in stride. She just looked so relieved that Mona was coming out of it, that Raph probably coulda said anything at that point, and she'd just sit there and take it. Truth be told, he was pretty relieved himself.
"Arrre you a…turtle?" Mona asked, blearily.
"Yep."
"Huh. Are we…on a date?"
Raph blinked. "Um. No?"
"Huh. Candy…always tryin'…ssset me up. Heh."
It was a hollow, humorless laugh that sent shivers up Raph's spine.
"I'm…muh lizard now," she said, her voice sounding strange and distant.
"Yeah," Raph said, quietly, "Yeah, we kinda noticed."
He didn't know what else to say.
"Sorry 'bout that," he added, as an afterthought. Not that he had anything to do with it, but…
Mona shook her head slowly, tears filling up her eyes.
"I think…I wanna wake up now."
Raph sighed, and brought her to a stop. She swayed on her feet, but stayed up under her own power. He put a finger to her neck – pulse was regular. Breathing was good. She just stared straight ahead with glassy eyes.
"I think it's safe now to let her sleep," he said quietly, "Why don't you take her to bed?"
Candy nodded, wearily, and crossed the room to Mona.
"Come on, babe," she said, tenderly running a hand through Mona's hair, "Bedtime."
Mona's face crumpled, and she began to weep softly.
"Shhh, shh, shh, come on," Candy soothed, "No more tears, sweetie. Where's that beautiful smile, huh? Show me that Mona Lisa smile."
This only seemed to make her sob harder. Candy abruptly pulled her into a tight embrace.
"I swear, Mona, it's gonna be okay," she promised, her voice a fierce, fervent whisper, "We're gonna fix it. I swear."
She glanced up at Raph.
"It pulls out."
"Huh?"
"The sofa. It, uh…it pulls out, if you…I mean…would you mind?..."
Raph sighed.
"Yeah. I'll stay."
Candy took one hand away from Mona and gripped his forearm like a vice. He was surprised momentarily by just how strong she was.
"Thank you," she said, in her gritty, chain-smoker's voice. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying and exhaustion, but he could see them shining with pure gratitude.
Raph just nodded.
"S'fine."
Candy wrapped her arms around Mona again, whispering soothing nothings into her hair as she guided her down the hall to the bedroom again.
Raph turned wearily to the sofa, and took out his T-phone again. He should probably send Leo one more text before he passed out. He flicked it open to find all the unread texts from Leo he'd been ignoring.
LeoIchibanTurtle: You aren't that hard to figure out, Raph.
LeoIchibanTurtle: That it, then?
LeoIchibanTurtle: Great. Well, have fun I guess.
LeoIchibanTurtle: At least drink some water.
LeoIchibanTurtle: He's been asking for you. FYI.
Raph's gut twisted miserably and he wished he was black-out drunk. Checking his phone had been a bad idea. As he was thinking this, the phone buzzed in his hand.
LeoIchibanTurtle: Sorry. That was lousy, the way I said it. He really was asking, though.
Raph tried to think of what he could say, anything he could say that would somehow make this situation with Master Splinter more bearable, and like always, he came up dry, with an overwhelming urge to run away. Before he could think of something, Leo texted again.
LeoIchibanTurtle: Remember when I was injured during the Kraang invasion?
Raph snorted in disbelief. Remembered? Yeah, it had only been his worst waking nightmare…only featured prominently in his actual nightmares for months afterwards. Every once in a while, he'd look at Leo, and he'd suddenly remember, like missing a stair, the way his face looked, blank and slack, mouth hanging open slightly, wondering if those piercing blue eyes were already closed forever.
Yeah. He remembered.
LeoIchibanTurtle: You stayed by me that whole time. And then you helped get me back on my feet again. Even when it wasn't easy.
LeoIchibanTurtle: I really need THAT Raphael right now.
Raph squirmed uneasily. Uggh, of all the times for Leo to open up –
LeoIchibanTurtle: I just don't think I can do this. Not alone.
Raph hung his head in guilt, like a dog, not wanting to think what that had cost him to say. Leo always took the world on his shoulders. He had probably wanted to patrol tonight more than anything, just hit the rooftops and run, feel the cold air, clear his head, be with his brothers and away, far away from the lair…but he sent them out – so that they could have that instead. So they could have the release, that freedom from the oppressive, heartbreaking knowledge that Splinter was already leaving them, fading out of their lives like bad reception – like the radio on the drive up to the farm; their preset stations getting fuzzier and fuzzier until it was nothing but static. And there was nothing they could do about it.
And what had he done? Complained about Mikey's motormouth all night, and bailed out without calling. However valid the reason, he could've called.
Raph: u wont have to
LeoIchibanTurtle: You're up?!
Raph: told u. got a situation here
LeoIchibanTurtle: Need help?
Raph: no
LeoIchibanTurtle: …okaaay.
LeoIchibanTurtle: Well, try to get home when you can. It's a Donnie weekend. I wanted us to try and spend some time with sensei all together before patrol.
Raph: ok
LeoIchibanTurtle: (1/2) I'm sorry Raph. I know it sucks, but I can't ask Don to help, he needs to focus on Georgia, and not being able to just wave his magic wand and FIX this is too hard on him. And we can't
LeoIchibanTurtle: (2/2) ask Mikey. We've got to protect him from this. At least the worst parts. Agreed?
Raph: agreed
Raph looked blearily out the window. It was already after dawn.
Raph: its dawn. gonna sleep now. home noon. ill stay w him 2nite so u can patrol w Don
LeoIchibanTurtle: Thanks. I hate to ask but I really need it.
Raph nodded. He missed Donnie, didn't realize how much he would until he moved out…going out on patrol with Donnie and Mikey, it'd be almost like old times – they could almost pretend Leo was just up ahead, on the next roof…but this was something concrete he could do to help. For Leo.
Raph: its ok. hes my dad too
LeoIchibanTurtle: I know.
LeoIchibanTurtle: I'm just glad you're okay.
Raph wrinkled his nose, not really sure how to respond to a Leo who wasn't bitching him out.
Raph: K.
He wanted to say much more, but he didn't know how, and he was suddenly bone-crushingly exhausted. He sank onto the couch, facedown, not bothering to pull it out. He dropped the phone unceremoniously on the floor next to him, and was asleep within minutes.
TMNTtmntTMNTtmntTMNTtmntTMNTtmntTMNTtmntTMNTtmntTMNTtmnt
Mikey watched from the shadows as Leo sighed, closed the T-phone, and settled back down on the couch. Leo had taken to sleeping on the sofa, the better to intercept sensei when he started wandering. Things had gotten a little easier since Mikey had thought of the bell. Purloined from one of Klunk's old toys, he set it in the track of sensei's door, so that when it slid open, it hit the bell and jingled. It was more than enough to wake Leo, who was already a light sleeper. At least now he could nap during the night.
A master ninja like Splinter would easily be able to avoid this, of course…even just sliding the door more slowly would do the trick – except that he always forgot it was there. He tended to get very surly when he discovered it, asking what mischief they were hatching; but Leo always reacted with surprise, then rolled his eyes amusedly, dismissing it as a harmless prank, promised he'd keep a closer eye on his brothers – and then put it right back as soon as Splinter was sleeping.
It was a heartbreaking performance.
Leo would ask him what he needed and when he couldn't remember, Splinter would ask Leo where his brothers were, and Leo would always reply "Sleeping, sensei." He'd learned that "patrolling" was the wrong answer – he just became agitated that Leo wasn't out there with them. Leo would then mention casually that he'd like to stretch his legs, and ask if sensei might like to join him? After a casual stroll past the bathroom (in case he had needed it and couldn't find it), Leo would remind sensei that he'd skipped dinner, and suggest that he must be feeling hungry. Sometimes it was even true. After trying to push a few bites of food onto him, they'd have some tea, take his meds if it was time, and he'd lead him back to bed.
Sometimes he did this three, four times a night. He never complained. Never showed any signs of fatigue, or frustration. He was the perfect, responsible, dutiful son.
It drove Mikey insane.
Watching Leo settle into the couch, he wanted to shake him, even haul off and sock him on the nose, and he could hardly even put his finger on why. The feeling scared him, and he tried to push it away. Is this what Raph felt like all the time? It must be exhausting. Mikey was usually pretty easygoing, and he didn't like all this swirling, ominous…badness…swirling…ominously. Especially when Leo really hadn't done anything to deserve a sock on the nose.
Where did that come from anyway, "sock on the nose?" What did socks have to do with punching people? He pictured a sock hanging off someone's nose. His brothers didn't have socks. Didn't really have noses either, strictly speaking. What was that word Don used for how words got made up – entomology? He'd have to ask Don the entomology of "sock on the nose."
Ugh. Focus.
Stupid brain.
Why did Leo have to be so good and so patient, and always have that fake, tired, miserable smile on his face, like, "I'm okay, everything's all okay." Who was he kidding?
He wasn't a baby. That trick didn't work anymore, like knowing the rabbit was in the hat to begin with, or that the flowers were up his sleeve the whole time. Of course it wasn't okay.
Like, if Leo could just give up this routine of perfect son-liness…then maybe they could actually talk about it, and it would just be this huge friggin' RELIEF, like finally getting to slouch and crack your neck after an hour in kekkafuza position.
Leo never cracked his neck after meditation. He just took a deep breath, opened his eyes, and stood up.
Oo! You know what it was? Okay, so, it's like, Mikey was Jimmy Olsen, and Leo was like Clark Kent AND Superman. Like, he was his bro, right? Or, well, his buddy or whatever, but also, he looked up to him like a superhero, cuz he kinda was, basically. Only problem was, when the shit hits the fan, Clark always makes his excuses and disappears mysteriously, and suddenly, there's only Superman. Clark only shows up again once the danger's past, all "what did I miss?"
That's how it was with Leo. When the shit hits the fan – there's only Superman.
And he should be glad, right? Cuz that means Superman's here to save the day. But what he really wanted – what he needed – was his bro. And he was actually kinda mad at Superman for always showing up and crowding him out of the way, even though they're really the same guy. Leo, that is. Well, Clark-Leo.
Lark?
Cleo?
Fuck it, metaphors are dumb.
His fingers traced the grout between the bricks of the hallway. He listened as Leo's breathing slowed down. He wasn't asleep yet, but he was deliberately slowing his breathing, trying to clear his mind.
He thought about what he wished he could say to him.
I'm not a little kid anymore. I'm not stupid, I know what's happening, here. I'm not useless. I could help, if you'd let me. You don't have to do this all by yourself. It's okay to be sad, or mad, or scared. I'm scared, too.
But he knew he wouldn't. And he knew saying these things out loud would only make it even harder for Leo, somehow. Leo needed his "Best Son Ever" shtick the same way Mikey needed his "Everything's a Big Joke" shtick – it didn't matter that they could all see right through each other's bullshit by now – they still needed it, because without it, who would they…be?
Woah. Heavy. Brrr.
Snack time.
He kind of wanted the leftover pizza in the fridge, but knew Leo wasn't asleep enough not to hear the fridge door opening and closing, no matter how carefully he did it, and he really didn't feel like having a conversation with Leo's "everything's fine" face. Come to think of it, he still had a bag of pork rinds in his stash of Emergency Munchies in the bottom of his closet. He might even have some Oreos left? No – wait – he'd already killed those. Oh well. Porks rinds's do. He was feeling salty-ish anyway.
Using his ninja silence, he slunk out of the shadows and back to his room.
Maybe he should just let Leo do his thing, if it made him feel better. They all had their thing. He thought about Donnie, and his fifty-syllable words…Like he was a knight in shining armor and there was no dragon he couldn't slay, so long as he could find a word big enough. "Onomatopoetic! Hexacovalent! Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Take that, foul beast!"
And then there was Raph, and his brooding and cursing and stomping around and…and the drinking. That was new. It's funny, he didn't think it was a big deal until Donnie thought it was a big deal, and then Leo thought it was a big deal, and now as much as Mikey hated to think it, maybe…maybe it kinda was?
He wished there was some way that he could talk to all of them, without having to actually…y'know…talk. Just be like, "Hey, I totally see what you're doing there, and that's cool and all, but you don't have to do that."
Pfft. Right. He could see how that'd go over. Nope, that was the penalty you paid for being class clown…it's like the Boy Who Cried Wolf: when you finally wanted to say something serious – nobody took you seriously.
He found himself looking forward to Donnie coming home the next day. Donnie and he fit like puzzle pieces, and it was always reassuring – he listened with rapt attention while Donnie techno-babbled, and in return, Donnie laughed at his jokes and didn't treat him like he was stupid...but the most fun was when something would happen, and they'd just look at each other, and he'd know, like, right away exactly what Donnie was thinking, like they didn't even have to use words – and it just felt so good for somebody to get him like that. Not that he wasn't close with Raph, or Leo, but they didn't always get him.
Plus, he was pretty sure Don knew. Y'know, about him. I mean, not like he'd really had to say it in so many words, but Don was smart, and he was like, 99.999% sure he was cool with it, because he never treated him any different.
And then there's that time he walked in on me "web surfing." So, heh…yeah…cat out of the bag, I guess.
Cat. I miss Ice Cream Kitty. And Klunkers. Cats are so awesome but why don't they live as long as people? Or, uh – turtle-people? That's lame. They should.
He flopped down on his bed, not bothering to be stealthy now that he was out of earshot, and sighed heavily. With a little guilt, he wondered if he was being fair to his brothers, wondered if he should just get it over with and tell them. But really, what the hell did it matter? Not like there were a lot of dating opportunities in the sewer…what Donnie had with April was kind of a one-in-a-million lucky break. Raph was right – the rest of them probably couldn't ever expect to find the same.
Besides, they'd probably just think he was joking, or that it was some crazy idea he'd got into his head, like a phase, or whatever. And if they did take it seriously, it'd probably just make everybody all weird and crunchy, and they all had enough on their minds. He sighed, reaching the same conclusion he always did: he'd tell 'em if there was ever a real reason for them to know.
He missed Leatherhead. Old pain lanced suddenly fresh through him, and he kinda winced, surprised at how much it still hurt. It wasn't even like they were really together…They certainly hadn't, like, done anything. He was just a kid, after all, and didn't really understand his feelings at the time. But he understood now.
Ugh. All this with sensei was making him think about everybody he'd ever lost, like his brain was trying to like, prepare him somehow.
Stupid brain.
His eye wandered over to the photo that he'd taped to the wall by his bed. He grinned, already feeling a bit better. The photo was kinda grainy and had weird lines on it cuz he'd printed it on regular paper, but it was the first time he got to hold Georgie. He was cradling her in his arms grinning up at the camera while Donnie kinda hovered…he was smiling but also looked kinda nervous.
He sighed comfortably, the tension actually fading from his shoulders somewhat – Georgie was so rad. He had no idea he could love somebody so completely, so fast, but Georgie was totally his new favorite person in like, the world. She was super adorable, even when she puked all over him. She even puked cute.
He knew he'd probably never get to have a kid of his own (for multiple, obvious reasons) but he was so glad that Georgie had come into their lives.
Mikey smiled, kissed his finger, and pressed it to Georgie's cute little head.
Finally, he rolled over and went to sleep, pork rinds forgotten.