Chapter Eleven

Family Ties

The sun was sitting high above the fortress. Over the hours Valina had spent with the group of new recruits, she had seen vast improvements. She had only cut three more from the group, leaving just shy of 40 soldiers to train as reconnaissance scouts for the Inquisition.

'Attention!'

The recruits paused mid fight. They were all showing signs of fatigue after hours of hard training, but Valina was pleased with their overall fitness, considering the varied backgrounds among the group.

'That will be enough for today,' Valina called, 'I expect all of you to be here at the same time tomorrow morning. Does anyone have any questions?'

Valina was met with silence and subtly shaking heads. They had taken a literal crash course in rogue training, and Valina was impressed by how well so many of them had taken the arduous tasks in their stride. She knew that she was a taskmaster and that the recruits would probably hate her for it by the end of the month, but if it meant the difference between them living or dying in the war against Corypheus, she didn't care if her reputation as the 'vicious bitch rogue of the Inquisition' grew.

'I will be overseeing your training tomorrow, and for the foreseeable future. I have been tasked with training you so that you might live through this war, and that is what I intend to do, so you'll get no sympathy from me for doing my job. If any of you have a problem with this, take it up with someone who cares, but take note: there is no point complaining to Commander Cullen or Seeker Cassandra. They'll tell you exactly what I have. Understood?'

Nods rippled among the group.

'All right then, you're dismissed.'

The recruits wandered off to their camp, all looking weary, but the murmured discussion that Valina caught seemed positive. She looked towards Herald's Rest. The wall was empty. She had seen Cullen leaning there for a while, and had even caught a glimpse of her father standing beside him. She hadn't seen either of them leave, but was not surprised. Dranus was always busy in the library, and Cullen had said at breakfast that he was expecting a number of reports to arrive from Emprise Du Lion. The Inquisitor was with Dorian, Cassandra, and Bull dealing with the Red Templars in the area and attempting to gain control of the embattled region.

Valina wandered up the stairs to the wall, stretching as she went. She shrugged her coat from her shoulders. Although the wind was brisk up on the wall, the sun had bite in it. She strolled slowly, knowing she'd have to drag Cullen from his work for an hour to enjoy the weather.

She opened the door to their quarters, bouncing into the room. As she had suspected, Cullen was at his desk, three separate pieces of parchment in his hands, his eyes darting between them.

Valina circled his desk, stopping beside him. She hopped onto the edge and he glanced up, a small smile dancing on his lips. She took the pages from his hands, laying them on the desk. She shifted closer, leaning before him. 'Miss me?'

'Always,' he said as he cupped her neck, pulling her closer for a kiss. He paused barely a breath away from her, faltering, shadows flicking in his gaze. 'I… need to ask you something.'

'What?'

'Would you teach me Tevene?'

'So you can understand all the naughty things I say in bed?' she asked, a flash of heat in her gaze, 'or so you can say them back?'

'I– no. Although that would be a bonus. But it's for a more serious reason. I thought it might impress your father a little. He… doesn't like me.'

'Cullen, it's not that he doesn't like you–'

'He threw a fireball at my head.'

'Near your head. Trust me, if he wanted to burn you, you would be a pile of ash on the cobblestone right now.'

'Somehow, that's not comforting Valina.'

She rolled her eyes. 'Cullen, you've got to understand where he is coming from. I'm his only daughter, and you know what my so-called grandfather put us through. I am by no means innocent, and much to his displeasure he knows it, but I've never committed myself wholly to someone before I met you.'

'What do you mean?'

Valina cupped his stubbled cheek. 'I've never called anyone amatus, Cullen. My father knows this. I know it might sound irrational to you, and to be quite honest, it is irrational, but I think my father feels like he's losing his little girl, even if I'm not so little anymore.'

Cullen leant into her touch. 'It's more than that, Valina. He knows about my past, knows what I did at Kirkwall, what I wanted to do at Lake Calenhad.' He bowed his head. 'I killed all those people, and he's right. I am complicit in everything that happened, especially in Kirkwall. I only stopped Meredith when the Templars were at risk, and–'

'Cullen, don't you dare say those things. We've talked about this. Maker's breath, you were tortured. This is why I made you talk to Dorian and Malakar about what happened, and do you remember what they said?'

He glanced away, but she caught his chin in her strong grip. He sighed. 'They would not expect anyone to be in a rational mind after that, let alone to survive it with a mind at all.'

'Exactly. And you told me that you're glad Lilara didn't listen to you in Ferelden and saved as many mages as she could in the Circle. And, when it was most important, you fought years of conditioning from that torture and from the Templar Order to stop Meredith, even though she could easily have killed you. You've repented for your thoughts and actions Cullen, a thousand times, and you have done as much as you can to support the mages in their transition to life in the Inquisition, even when your experiences with mages in the past have been horrific.'

'But your father–'

'My father hails from a high-born family of the Tevinter Imperium. He may have left that life behind many years ago, but his hands are not clean. Not by any measure. And neither are mine. He knows this well.'

Valina slid off the desk. She held his head in her hands, drawing him to her chest. He took a deep breath, and she felt him relax in her embrace. She placed a soft kiss on the top his head.

'I love you, Cullen. I know your past, and I accept the demons within it, and I accept the good man you have become despite them. Whatever he said to you, whatever he told you to do, don't you dare listen to him.'

Cullen grasped her wrist when she tried to draw away. 'Where are you going?'

She bent to place a soft kiss on his lips, extracting her arm from his grasp. 'I need to have a word with my father about boundaries.'

Valina stalked through the fortress. Although she did not wear her coat or her daggers, and although her expression was blank, the people she passed stepped aside, a few trembling as if sensing the fury that rolled through her.

She pushed through the heavy door to the main building of the fortress, slamming it behind her. She passed Solas glanced up from his perch on the desk at the sound of the door, but upon seeing Valina, he ducked his head back down to the book as if fascinated by the words. His eyes followed her as she reached the spiralling staircase.

She stalked up the final step. As she passed the first alcove, Dorian caught her arm.

'Valina, whatever is the matter?' he asked. Sensing her inner turmoil, he wore no hint of his usual smirk.

Valina unclenched her fists, forcing calm into her stance. 'I need to speak with my father. Have you seen him?'

'As far as I know he's in one of the reading alcoves,' Dorian said, though he seemed reluctant to release her, 'why?'

'I'll explain later,' Valina said, throwing an empty smile his way as she removed his hand from her arm, 'just some family stuff, you know?'

Dorian arched a worried eyebrow, his mind flashing to his 'reunion' with his father only a few months before. 'Indeed.'

The next alcove Valina passed was empty, but she found Dranus in the following one. Her father was buried in a book, his eyes darting back and forth along the pages. He glanced up only when Valina stepped closer, seeming to shake himself from his focus.

'Ah, my little raven,' he said, a smile lighting his eyes. When their serpentstone gazes met, his smile faltered. 'Sweetheart?'

'Outside. Now,' she said through gritted teeth.

Dranus returned the book to the shelf, unease settling over him. When Valina turned on her heel without another word, he followed. She led him to a crumbling section of the wall away from prying eyes.

'I think I know what this is about,' Dranus said as their steps slowed.

Valina turned on him. 'Do you?'

'I wanted to talk to you this morning but you were training, so I had a conversation with Cullen instead.'

'A conversation?' she said, ice filling her gaze, 'is that what you call it?'

Dranus squared his shoulders. 'Not all conversations are pleasant, Valina, but that does not lessen the importance of having them.'

'How dare you,' she snarled, stalking closer, 'what gives you the right to accuse Cullen of things which you know nothing about?'

'I know nothing?' he asked, 'I know enough of what happened in Ferelden, of what happened in Kirkwall, to make an assessment of him and decide that he is not worthy of my daughter.'

'You have heard only a fraction of the story.'

'I do not need to know more. Rutherford is a murderer, Valina.'

'You say that as if you are innocent,' Valina snapped, 'but I remember all the stories you told me about what your family liked to do to slaves. For fuck's sake, you infused lyrium into a girl's skin. She was, what, fifteen? You may have left that life long ago father, but you cannot hide from it.'

'I was under orders, Valina. My father, my family would have–'

A harsh laugh broke from Valina's throat. 'What, so when Cullen was under orders and rightly feared for his life, it wasn't okay? But when you're under threat, torture is on the table?'

'I regret what I did every day. It's why I left Tevinter! It's why your mother and I spent so much time trying to free slaves when you were young–'

'And you think Cullen doesn't regret his past?'

'He's a Templar; he's not capable of such a complex emotion. I will not stand him laying another finger on you, Valina.'

'He lays more than fingers on me, father.'

'Kaffas,' Dranus snapped, fire lighting his eyes, 'what has he done to you? How has he be-spelled you?'

'He is a timid chantry boy, father, even now. I spent weeks throwing myself at him before he finally kissed me and I had to remind him of his worth before he believed that I would accept that much from him.'

'He has no worth,' Dranus spat.

Valina felt her final ounce of control snap viciously. 'Where did you get all of this information that you use to condemn a man you do not know? Did your informants tell you about how many hours he endured torture by blood mages before he was even twenty years old? Did they marvel at the fact that he survived with his mind intact? Because Dorian and Malakar did,' she said, her gaze searing him, 'I bet they left out the gory details there; you would have enjoyed it too much, listening to his suffering. Oh, I bet they also forgot to tell you that he questioned Meredith's orders in Kirkwall too, that he risked his life to challenge her, even though he was terrified by the thought of blood mages taking the circle like they had in Ferelden, the thought that he could be tortured again. But no, they probably just talk about the Gallows, because clearly Templars are the only ones capable of doing despicable things.'

'Templars–'

'I am not finished,' she yelled, and Dranus fell silent. For a moment she swore that fear flashed in his green gaze, but she was too enraged to be sure. She could feel her body shaking with fury, and she had to fight for composure before she continued. 'Tell me, father, did your informants skip over the part where he restored order after the rebellion? The fact that he has repented relentlessly, and that he fights the doctrine and fear that his time as a Templar instilled in him every day? The fact that he has made every effort to welcome the mages to Skyhold as allies, even though he grieves friends who have been enslaved by Corypheus? Pity, considering that Cassandra recruited him because of his potential as a commander, believing in him so much that she personally agreed to help him fight his addiction to lyrium.'

Dranus faltered in his silent seething. 'He doesn't take lyrium?'

'Not for a long time now,' Valina said, feeling tears prick at her eyes as she recalled waking to Cullen's terror that morning, 'he suffers violent nightmares, so vivid that I've had to wake him more than once because he came close to hurting himself in his sleep. He tries to hide it, but I know that the withdrawal is painful. I'm sure you think he deserves the punishment.'

Dranus reached for Valina, his instinct screaming at him to comfort her, but she slapped his hand away, the movement as fast and sharp as lightning.

'Do not touch me,' she said, stepping back. Her hands clenched into fists. 'I have idolised you, as only a daughter can. But the man you have shown yourself to be today, that man is not my father. And if you cannot see past your selfish ignorance to accept the one and only man who I have called amatus… I am not your daughter.'

Valina pushed past Dranus, silent tears streaking her cheeks. He tried to call out to her but the words caught in his throat, a sob wrenching from his chest. But Valina did not look back as she walked along the wall; she did not see him sink to his knees in anguish, filled with regret about the pain he had caused in his selfishness, with fear that he had lost his daughter forever, not to a lover, but because of his own anger.

Valina closed the door quietly behind her, leaning on it. Cullen looked up from his desk at the click of the door, rising as Valina sank down to the cobblestones. Cullen rushed to her side, dropping to his knees beside her. As her shoulders shook, he drew her against his chest.

'What happened?'

Valina took a shuddering breath. 'I know all the darkness in my father's past, before he married my mother, but the things he said, Cullen... I never thought he had such cruelty in him.'

Cullen held her tighter, knowing nothing he could say would offer the comfort she needed.

Valina scrubbed her eyes with the back of her hand, forcing a few deep breaths into her lungs. 'Why didn't he talk to me earlier?' she asked, looking up, her serpentstone gaze shining with tears.

'I don't know, my love. I suspect he really was just put out by the… informality of our living arrangements in the beginning.'

'So he listens to some half-baked rumours, but not his daughter?' Valina asked, anger flaring once more, 'he should have come to us if he had concerns about your past. We would have alleviated them immediately, rather than letting them fester as he did.' She shook her head. 'I was harsh to him, but he deserved it. I will not stand him calling you a murdered based on misinformation.'

'I am a murderer, Valina,' Cullen whispered.

'Then so am I,' she snapped, 'I have killed countless more than you have, all for money. I had no Knight-Commander breathing down my neck, or a past of torture to explain my actions, to account for them, yet under the Maker I may repent, just as you may. You are not a murderer, Cullen, you are a survivor. You have worked tirelessly to make up for the mistakes of your past, many of which are not truly your crosses to bare but the crosses of others who dumped their fears and anger on a young man and ordered him to dance.'

'You see only the good in me when I find only darkness.'

Valina cupped his stubbled cheeks, forcing him to meet her serpentstone gaze. 'No, Cullen. I see everything and I love you just the same.'

Valina rose to her knees, locking her arms tight around his neck. Cullen held her, burying his face in her neck, breathing in the soothing scent of roses that lingered on her skin.

'What did I do to deserve you?' he asked.

Valina pulled back, holding his head in her hands. 'You asked me to dance.'

A cautious knock sounded on the door behind them. Cullen helped Valina to her feet, instinctually tucking her behind him as he opened the door. He felt a weight settle in his stomach as he met Dranus' gaze, and he could sense Valina bristle with anger behind him.

'What do you want?' Valina asked, her voice like ice.

'Can I come in?'

'I don't think that would be the best idea at present, Ser,' Cullen said, reaching to hold Valina back. She was angry, but he would not allow her to do anything she might regret.

'Then I will say my piece from here. I offer no excuse for my behaviour. Nothing I can say will ever make up for the hurt I have caused you both. I only ask you hear me once more.'

'So you can make more accusations?'

'Valina, please listen,' Dranus said, barely above a whisper, 'when the first assassin came for you I feared there would be no end to the attempts. Your mother and I always wanted a big family, for you to have brothers and sisters, but we knew that we would only enrage my father further, so we made a choice to… to prevent another pregnancy. We poured all our love into you, Valina, all the love for the family we could not have, and seeing you grow into the strong woman you has become has been simultaneously the most difficult and the most rewarding experience in my life. I have been selfish, Valina, entirely selfish. For almost 30 years I have tried to protect you, no matter how far you travelled, fearing that this day would come.'

'What day?'

Dranus smiled weakly. 'The day my daughter no longer needed her father,' he whispered, 'in truth, I have been wilfully naive; it's been many years since you truly needed me, but I have clung to the vision of you when you were barely knee-high, calling for me to save you from your nightmares.' He glanced at Cullen. 'I never thought that I would become my father, and I am ashamed to say that it took so little to turn me. I accused you of horrific things, Cullen, when I have blood on my hands, and I let people cloud my perceptions of you when there are only two people's opinions that matter, yours.' He looked at his daughter, feeling a weight in his chest at the darkness in her gaze. 'And yours, Valina.'

'It's not me that you need to apologise to, father,' Valina hissed, turning on her heel, 'I've heard enough of this.'

'Valina,' Dranus called, but the door slammed behind her. His shoulders dropped, the weight in his chest sinking deeper.

'I'm sure you know you can't chase her.'

Dranus sighed. 'I do.'

A tense moment passed between them, the silence only broken by Dranus drawing a deep breath. 'I am sorry, Cullen. I cannot hope for you to forgive me…' He could not continue. His head hung in defeat, his shoulders shaking with his shuddering breath as he prepared to accept whatever insults Cullen desired to throw, but he heard no harsh words. When Dranus dared open his eyes he looked down at the hand Cullen extended as if he did not believe the sight; he stared without seeing.

'Ser?' Cullen said, ducking his head in an attempt to catch the mage's green gaze.

Dranus took Cullen's hand, and Cullen gripped firmly. Dranus looked up, finding a deep sincerity in Cullen's tawny gaze.

'I should never have doubted you, Cullen. I will never be able to apologise enough for that.'

'You want the best for your daughter,' Cullen said, glancing down. He withdrew his hand from Dranus'. 'I know that I do not deserve her, Ser, but I swear to the Maker that I will do anything to make her happy. Anything.'

'Cullen, you have shown yourself to be an honest and respectful man, even in the face of my failings.'

Cullen looked up, finding warmth in the mage's gaze. 'Ser?

'You truly love her.'

Cullen nodded. 'To the deepest parts of my soul.'

Dranus could sense the truth in Cullen's words. He gripped Cullen's shoulder. 'I could hope for no better partner for Valina,' he said, 'I do not expect her to forgive me any time soon, but please tell her that I love her and that I am sorry. I never thought I would become an old man so soon.'

They shook hands once more, and with a final bow, Dranus left Cullen standing in the door, staring out at the late afternoon sun.

When Dranus was out of sight Cullen closed the door. He leant his head against the sturdy wood, taking a deep breath. His stomach still churned with emotions from the chaotic day, but a sense of calm was filtering through the clamour of anger, fear, and doubt. He went to the opposite door.

As he had suspected, Valina was sitting on the top of the wall watching soldiers training in the ring below.

'Is he gone?' Valina asked as she heard his approaching footsteps.

'Yes.'

'What did he say?'

'He apologised sincerely and left with a handshake and my forgiveness.'

If she was surprised, she did not show it.

'Should I still be mad at him?' Valina glanced back, turning on the wall. She dropped down onto the cobblestone and Cullen finally took a breath, relieved to see her on safe footing.

'That's up to you. You have every right to stay upset with him, for as long as you need to.'

Valina sighed. 'It's been a long time since we've had a fight, and I have never been so angry,' she admitted, 'I don't want to stay mad at him, but this is too big for me to let go of. Yet.'

'He will understand, and he will love you regardless of your anger, just as you love him,' Cullen said, his fingertips brushing her cheek, 'take all the time you need to.'

Valina caught Cullen's hand, holding it against her cheek. She leant into his touch, and he pulled her into his arms.

'I am sorry, Valina.'

She pulled back just enough to look up at him. 'Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything.'

'I… doubted myself,' Cullen said, glancing down, 'I let my thoughts overcome me again–'

'Cullen, do you love me?'

There was no other response to those words. 'More than anything.'

'Did you ever think of leaving me?'

Her serpentstone gaze captured him, and he fell into the green depths of her eyes. 'It's selfish, but I couldn't even bear the thought.'

'Then you have nothing to apologise for,' she said, burying herself in his embrace and hiding her smirk, 'besides, you wouldn't make it three miles before I found you and dragged you back to our bed to teach you a lesson.'

Valina glanced up with her wicked serpentstone gaze and Cullen could not hide his smile. 'Really?'

'Three miles,' she repeated, 'tops.'

'I don't doubt that.'

Valina slipped her hand into Cullen's and turned him toward the stairs. Together, they wandered down to Herald's Rest. For a while, she seemed lost in thought, until they neared the tavern and she asked, 'do you think Varric is around?'

'He might be, why?'

She glanced mischievously at him. 'I think we could use a game of Wicked Grace after dinner.'

'Sweet Maker,' Cullen said, shaking his head, 'it took me a week to get all my armour back last time, Valina, and the torment I endured in the meantime was relentless.'

'I take it off your armour off you every night, Amatus,' she said as they entered the tavern, 'it should only take you an evening to convince me to return all the pieces.'

Whenever Cullen removed his armour, he always did so methodically. It was simply a task required to go to sleep or bathe: a menial duty, like organising his reports at the end of the day. But, when Valina removed his armour… He shivered at the thought, shaking himself mentally to refocus on their conversation.

'Some of our companions are formidable players. How are you so sure that you'll win?'

She flashed him a wicked grin. 'Ten coins says I've read everyone's tells in under twelve minutes.'

Cullen smiled, drawing her closer as they took a seat at the bar. He knew it was unwise to bet against her, but he could not resist the mischievous glint in her eyes.

'You're on.'

I just wanted to say thank you to all of you who are sticking with me! I've been busily writing, so I can promise that there is plenty more to come.

I also really appreciate the kudos and the comments that have been left so far. Even if it's just to say "nice chapter", I really do appreciate the time people have been taking to support this fanfiction, so, if you have a moment, please leave me a comment. Please feel free to ask questions, also, either here or on my Tumblr!

~ Roksy

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