First thing first, I'm not dead (wich is always good) and I hope I will be able to publish a few chapters in a decent time frame now (finger crossed...). Second: yes, I'm still writing ;) As I said earlier when I started this story, I might stop for a while but unless the unthinkable happens this will have an end because I just hate unfinished fanfic. Third and even more important: thanks to all of you who contacted me during this hiatus of mine. I'm really glad to know that you care about this story so much ;)

Hope to come back to you soon!

Quinn sat in the car, looking at the house on her right.

"You ok?" Rachel asked, putting a hand on her knee. Quinn nodded. "Are you worried?"

"Try more like scared to death," she smiled faintly. "She's not going to let me off the hook easily. If she even does that. I'm not sure."

Santana had always been her best friend and the thought of losing her, was something Quinn wasn't even going to consider.

After making things right with Rachel she had waited a day to see if Santana was going to come by and act like nothing happened. It wouldn't be the first time: Santana was famous for her selective amnesia when it came to things she didn't want to verbalize, and Quinn hoped that she would do it even on that occasion. Unfortunately, this time Quinn had crossed the line and when Santana didn't show up the next day she knew things were serious.

"It's going to be ok. She loves you and she will get over... whatever happened between you two."

Quinn had been vague about the details. She just told Rachel she and Santana had a fight and lthey eft on bad terms. She also implied that it might have been entirely her fault.

"Do you want me to wait for you here?"

Quinn breathed deeply. "No. I think this might take rather long."

"Ok." Rachel squeezed her knee affectionately and then kissed her on the cheek.

Quinn got out from the car and pushed the green gate, finding it open, as she expected. Santana's car was nowhere to be seen but she could hear the music and a yelling voice singing at the top of her lungs: at least Britt was home, maybe she could let her in and she wouldn't be forced to wait for the Latina on the porch steps outside.

She rang the doorbell a couple of times to be sure Britt could hear it over the music.

"Coming!" She didn't bother to turn down the volume, she just yelled.

Britt opened the door and seing Quinn she wasted no time in giving her one of her famous bone-crushing hugs. It always felt good to be with her, even in the darkest times, because Britt was an endless source of lightness who could cheer Quinn up or simply calm her down with her mere presence.

"I got the feeling that it was you", Britt told her. "San was so pissed off she didn't even talk to me. I knew that anger couldn't be just work-related."

"Sorry", Quinn apologised. Once again her actions reflected on the people around her more than she thought possible.

"Don't be silly, I know that Santana sometimes just needs to be Santana, I just got a little worried because she was broodier than usual. But it's going to be fine. It always does." Quinn wished she could be as positive as her friend. "The problem is that she's not home, yet, sweetie."

"I know. I just thought I would prepare myself for when she will be."

Britt held her at arm's length. "That bad?"

"Pretty bad, yes", she confirmed.

"Ok", she put a arm around her shoulder and pulled Quinn inside. "Let's see what we can do."

When Santana Lopez opened her front door, her mind was buzzing with thoughts and worries. All day long she had tried to push them aside and she ended up being as useless as a full trash can in a dump.

"Damn you, B, and your eco-mania that you're making me live through", she thought to herself dismissing the analogy.

Her boss yelled at her twice: once because she forgot the case file they were due to present that day, and once because she tripped, spilling some of her coffee on his shirt.

"What the hell Lopez?!"

She has been working with him for more than 5 years now, and on any other normal day he would have just taken her to an empty room and asked her what was wrong, but it seemed that day he had his own problems, and he lashed out at her, sending her home like she was a first year intern who messed up.

So, overall, she has had a pretty shitty day.

It didn't help matters that when she finally turned around and walked towards the kitchen she saw Quinn sitting in the middle of their white couch.

She froze for a second, silently cursing for being caught off guard. Quinn looked at her motionless. Staring. Just waiting.

Santana walked past her without giving her so much as a glance.

She walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge, scanning through the different bottles, the vegetables, the last slice of a salty cake Britt baked a week before. She didn't want any of those things but she needed to look busy so she ended up taking the milk bottle and drinking from it.

'Glass. Goddamn me!' she thought and, a moment later, Britt's voice echoed behind her.

"Glass, Santana!" Britt didn't like when she drank milk that way, it sent disgustied shudders down her spine but, oddly enough, it happened only with milk. Santana was free to drink from the bottle anything else, just not milk.

"Sorry", she put the bottle down with too much force and the milk spilled onto the counter."Damn it!"

"Hey." Britt took her hand as Santana was rushing to get a towel and clean it up. She pulled the Latina into her arms, hugging her, and kept her close until she felt Santana release a soft sigh against her shoulder.

"Bad day?"

"Terrible."

Britt's hands flew to her face and, moving deliberately slowly, she pulled Santana in for a slow, passionate, kiss.

"Better?" she asked as they parted a few moments later. Santana only answer was closing her eyes and leaning her head on the blonde's shoulder.

"Quinn is..."

"I know." Santana cut her off.

She didn't want to talk to Quinn and she didn't want to talk to Britt about Quinn. Quinn was off limits, off topic, out of her life. She didn't even want to think about her. She pulled away, a little too quickly and coldly, and she returned to her task of finding a towel to wipe the milk off "So, how was your day?"

"Aren't you gonna talk to her?"

"No. Do you want pizza tonight? I feel like having pizza..."

"San!" Britt tried to stop her by grasping her wrist. "Aren't you even going to listen to her?"

"No, and I don't want to talk about it with you either."

"Come on, San!"

"The topicis closed, now excuse me, I have some paperwork I need to take care of for work."

She walked out of the kitchen and towards the outside garage they turned into her own private study.

When she came back almost three hours later Quinn was still sitting in the same spot, still motionless and still patiently waiting.

Santana walked into the kitchen from the back door, eyeing the woman in the lounge. Brittany was opening the pizza's boxes to serve dinner on the table.

"I ordered pepperoni, is that ok?"

Santana absente-mindedly nodded while she counted the three plates on the table. She stopped Britt'just as she was heading to the lounge to call Quinn to dinner.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Telling her dinner is ready."

"She's not eating in my house."

For a split of a second Britt looked back blankly at her, until Santana's words registered in her mind and she placed a hand on her hip. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"Well, this is my house too and I won't let a friend starve on the couch."

"She doesn't have to starve, she just has to go home and eat her own food."

"This is..." Britt chewed her lower lip in disiblief "You're..." and then she rolled her eyes, "whatever!" She went to ignoring Santana's words but the other woman still blocked her way out of the kitchen. "You're being ridiculous San!"

"I'm not joking Britt. It's me or her."

The blonde's stared at her angrilly. "Are you serious?" Santana didn't flinch. "Fine!"

Santana watched her her turn around and she relaxed, joining her at the table, but Brittany didn't sit down. She took the two plates and turned around to face her lover. "I'm gonna go eat with my friend. You can calm down and join us whenever you're ready."

"You shouldn't really side with me on this one, Britt. Santana is right this time."

"Oh, she'll calm down. She's just being insanely childish."

Britt and Quinn were sitting on the couch, side by side, their plates on the low coffee table along with two bottles of beer. Quinn's plate was still full as was her bottle, while Britt's were almost all completely gone.

"Not hungry?" she asked finishing her last slice of pizza.

"Go ahaed", Quinn smiled, "take mine too."

Britt cheerfully switched her empty plate with Quinn's full one without a second guess. It was not the first time she had finished up Quinn's meals. She was well known for having a black hole in her stomach and for being the winner of several eating contest since her middle school years.

Quinn watched her friend eat for a while and then laid her head on Britt's shoulder. "How come you're not worried about fighting with San?"

"Oh, we fight sometimes", she answered, catching a piece of cheese threatening to fall out of her mouth just in time "but then we have make up sex, wich is always great!"

Quinn grinned, enjoying Britt's confidence in happy endings.

After Britt had done eating all her pizza and took quite a sip of her second beer, she lead Quinn's head to rest on her lap. They listened quietly to the noises Santana made as she moved around the kitchen.

"I bet she's going to drink milk from the bottle on purpose now!" Brittany whispered and Quinn smiled knowing she was probably right. Although, for it to be in perfect Santana style, she would have to walk past them, sipping from the bottle and maybe dramatically taking a deep breath as she finished drinking right in front of them. Which, of course, she did just a few minutes later when she walked past them on her way to the bedroom.

Quinn sat up, sighing lightly. "Just go talk to her and possibly have some good make up sex. I don't want to come between you two. I already made quite a mess without having to add this too."

"It's not your fault."

"Well, humor me, would you? And go to her."

Britt took her hands, "Are you gonna be ok?"

"Yes."

"Remember to call Rachel and let her know you're staying here."

"Yes, mom!" she joked.

"Ok," she puslipped a strand of loose hair behind Quinn's ear, "your room is ready if you want to go sleep in there."

"Thank you."

"Are you...?"

"Go, for God's sake! I'm ok!"

"Fine!" Brittany kissed Quinn's temple and walked down the hallway to the bedroom she shared with Santana, closing the door behind her.

"Are you giving me the silent treatment too?" she asked as she sat on the bed looking at a tense Santana who was pretending to read a book, "San?"

No answer. Britt pulled away the book from her hands.

"Hey!" she protested.

"Like you were really reading it!"

"As a matter of fact I was!" she took the book back and turned the pages to resume her reading. Britt grabbed the book for the second time and threw it across the room.

Santana frowned, crossing her arms in front of her chest, "Who is being childish now?"

"I'll ignore your confession of having eavesdropped just because you just admitted you were actually being childish before!" Britt smirked, happy to have acquired that first admission.

"Whatever." Santana tried to get up to retrieve the book but Britt jumped on the bed, trapping Santana's legs between her knees.

"I'm not in the mood, Britt, move away."

"No."

"I said," she grabbed Britt's arms to push her away, "move!"

In the last couple of days everything that could have gone wrong did, and Santana was still fighting hard with herself trying to control her instincts and not yell at everybody just because. She was not in her right mind to handle a stubborn Brittany right now. But, of course, her girl thought otherwise. She pulled out from Santana's grasp and, catching the Latina's wrists, she held them in mid air.

Santana glanced at her angrily, trying to free herself with a few wild tugs, but Brittany held her tight. Damn that woman was strong!

Santana's breathing was fast and uneven as she kept her eyes locked on Britt's, hoping to scare the woman off, but her best attempt at channeling bad evil Santana never worked on Brittany. She knew her too well to be impressed by that fake act.

Santana closed her eyes defeated and, as soon as Britt sensed her surrender, she let her arms slowly down on the bed.

"You sided with her."

"You wanted to starve her." Britt answered quietly.

"That's not... I didn't mean to..." she sighed, "I just want her to go away."

"Then listen to her and then she'll be gone."

"Yeah. Quinn Fabray always gets what she wants, right? So if she wants to talk to me I should just walk out there and grant all her wishes, right!"

"She's your friend." Britt tried to make her see reason.

"Quite the friend I have!" Santana laughed sarcastically, "One who always bails on me and who is never there when I need her to be."

"She is there now, just outside that door!"

"Well, I don't need her now!" Santana stated and turned her head away.

If she hadn't known it before, seeing San look away would have made Britt realize how angry she was with Quinn. What the hell happened between those two? She laid on the other side of the bed and she gently dragged San to lay next to her.

The Latina let herself be pulled down but remained on her side, facing away from Britt. After a few moments she felt the blonde's hand moving in circles on her back. Fingertips tracing lines up and down her spine in slow, soothingly motions.

She wanted to stay angry, at Quinn and at Britt for siding with her, but her body recognized Britt's touch and it relaxed, tension evaporating away like water under the sun.

"Stop it Britt." The lack of resolve in her voice reassured Britt she was doing the right thing. The blonde scooted a little closer and placed a soft kiss on her shoulder, sliding her arm around the other woman's waist.

"Why didn't you side with me?" Santana asked.

"I side with you when you're right."

"Can't you just side with me and, well, just do it?"

Britt smiled. "You wouldn't want me that way! Me and Quinn are the only two people in the world who can stand up to you. You don't really want to change us. Or lose us." She added the last part in a softer voice.

It was meant to be a not so hidden hint to hers and Quinn's fight, but it brought back the thought of what she found out,about Britt's third claim.

"You. I don't want to lose you!" She pointed out in a whisper, crying one single tear wich she quickly wiped away.

Britt didn't see her.

"Nor Quinn."

Santana turned around in the embrace and hid her face in Britt's neck. The blonde thought she had just scored the winning point! And she did, but that was not the reason why Santana was breathing her scent trying to etch it into her memory.

She looked at the red digits on their alarm clock: 4:17.

Britt was sort of snoring by her side, mouth open and a tiny strain of saliva drooling down the side of it. Santana gently pushed her chin up to close her mouth and Britt moved to settle better and licked her lips in her dream.

Santana couldn't sleep despite the fact she was tired or, to be more exact, exhausted. Her mind kept on reeling at high speed and she was unable to rest. Not even cuddling with Britt had done the trick that night, but she had to fake it because the blonde was stubborn enough to stay awake until she was sure she was sleeping.

In less than four hours the alarm would go off and she would have to get ready for another day at work. She could not allow herself to be sloppy and useless two days in a row, so she knew she had to sleep at least a few hours.

Hating herself she opened the bedside table's drawer and took a small bottle with a transparent liquid. Not a real sleeping pill, more of a tranquilizer, or so said the colleague who told her about it. She got up, with the bottle in her hand, and headed for the kitchen to grab some water.

Barefoot she walked down the corridor, stopping only to push the door of what she and Britt called "Quinn's room". With relief she noted that there was no one sleeping there and the bed hadn't even been touched.

'She's finally gone!' she thought, but when she passed by the lounge she saw a blonde figure still sitting on the couch.

God that woman was stubborn!

Santana walked past her, turned on the light and opened the fridge. The only reaction from the blonde was a slight movement of her chin turning in her direction. She didn't call her name, she didn't stretch like she had just being woken up by Santana's intrusion, nor did she cover her eyes to shield them from the sudden light.

Santana rolled her eyes: Quinn was good at playing the martyr. If Santana let her, Quinn would've stayed there until she'd die of thirst, or until Santana would finally agree to listen to her.

And they had always thought Rachel was the drama queen.

She took a glass of water, letting 5 drops of medicine fall in it, then thinking better and adding five more: she wanted to fall into a dreamless sleep as soon as possible. She drank quickly and then turned off the lights, pausing at the door frame. She could sense Quinn's eyes on her.

"Go home." she told her coldly.

"I need to talk to you." Quinn's voice was clear and steady.

"I don't, so go home."

The room was dark, the only light was the one coming from the moon through the porch windows and door.

"Just hear me out. You know I'll stay here until you do."

Santana considered it for a moment, then sat on the couch in front of Quinn. "Be quick." She warned her.

Quinn nodded and leaned forward, elbows on her knees.

"I deserve the silent treatment, actually, I deserve way worse, I know. I'm sorry, San, I really am. You've always been there for me, you've been an amazing friend, you've been my whole family for so long, taking care of me, always watching my back, and I can't believe how selfish I was. If I could do it all over again, San, I swear... there's no excuse, I should have known better and..." her hands were joined now, eyes cast down. She wanted Santana to know that she felt ashamed for her behavior. She let down the only person who always had her back and there was no excuse for that. "Please, San, at least believe me when I say that sorry doesn't even begin to cover how terrible I feel for what I did. I was so stupid..."

"Stupid is not the word I'd use." Santana interrupted her.

"Right. I was a heartless bitch." agreed Quinn, feeling a little hope spreding in her chest at Santana's reaction.

"Not quite right, yet."

"I was an idiot, a moron, a lousy friend and an ungrateful fucking asshole."

"Close enough." conceded Santana.

"Please, I know I let you down, and I'm really sorry."

Santana sighed, sounding not convinced at all. "The point, Quinn, is that you're always sorry, but you keep on making the same mistakes over and over again."

Quinn's breath was cut short by her answer. Santana's voice, cold and calculated, was tearing her soul apart.

"You're right I..." She closed her eyes to stop a tear from rolling down her cheek.

"No, I'm not finished. I've been there for you all your life, Quinn. All your damn life, I've put your pieces back together, I had your back more times than I can count, and the only time, the only fucking time I needed you..."

"I let you down." Finished Quinn for her.

"Damn right blondie. And what kind of friend does that? I'll tell you. Not one. You should have been there for me, just this one fucking time, Quinn, just once. Is that too much to ask of you?"

"I'm sorry San."

"Again. What's the good in that? You're sorry now, but when I will need you again where will you be? Mourning your own pain?"

Quinn squatted down next to her, "Please, San. Do you want me to beg you? Cause I will do it, I know I screw up bad I just... you're so strong I never think you could even need me that way, San... it's not an excuse... damn..." she let her head down on the other woman's thigh "I'm sorry, God, I'm so, so, sorry!" She quietly started to sob.

Was Quinn crying? Oh God! No, please no, she couldn't stand a crying woman, damn, it just knotted something inside her stomach.

"Stop, Quinn!" But the blonde didn't listen. Her body was shaken by gasps, she felt guilty, hell, she was guilty, and there was no reason in the world why she shouldn't feel ashamed for her actions.

Quinn always thought of herself as a good friend. She loved Britt and Santana but when her friend showed at her house she wasn't even able to read the signs and understand that something was going on. How many times had Santana guessed what she was thinking without the need for her to even say it out loud? How many times had she just sensed her changing moods and saved her a moment before she could do something stupid and make her life even worse? And the only time Santana actually needed her she was so focused on her own problems that she didn't even notice.

"It was painful realizing I couldn't count on you, Q."

"San, I swear I..."

"You're sorry, yes, I get it." Her voice was softer now, and the angry note had turned into a sadness that hurt Quinn even more. "It doesn't change how you made me feel."

"What can I do to make it up? Just name it."

"Honestly? I don't know."

Tears were flowing down Quinn's cheeks now. Quinn wasn't one to cry often and Santana knew, for a fact, that what Quinn was saying weren't just words. She believed her apologies were true and heartfelt, but she was still hurt. She failed herself not noticing that Britt had another claim happening right under her noise, and then she turned to the only person in the world she trusted enough to let her see the fragile side of her soul, the insecure and scared part of her that she kept so well hidden from everybody else. And that person didn't even allow her to release some of the pressure by listening to her.

It hurt.

But it doesn't matter how justified you are for being angry at someone you love. You just reach a point where you can't help but forgive them because you've lived through so much together, you shared joy and tears, fear and happiness, and you can't but let go of the bad feelings.

"Let's start with you not getting my PJs wet with your tears and snot, ok?" She took Quinn's elbows and helped her rise to her feet.

She tried to move away to keep some distance between them but Quinn clung to her neck buryng her face into Santana's shoulder.

"It's not really helpfullif you wet my top instead of my pants, Q!"

But Quinn didn't let go of her, quite the opposite, she tightened her grip around the other woman's neck, until she felt Santana's hands slide around her back returning the hug.

"Thanks." She murmured into her shoulder.

"Yeah, sure, whatever. I've always been the good one, you know..." She felt Quinn's lips turn up into a smile. "Now, please, go sleep in your bedroom. If Britt finds you out here tomorrow morning she will kick MY ass."