Hellsing Order Q: The Trek Adventure
Chapter Eleven: Intent Revealed
Disclaimer: Hellsing and Star Trek are the property of their respective owners. I am doing this without their permission and am making no revenue from this.
Hellsing Manor, current time
Q snapped his fingers, the bullet hole and the professor's outfit vanished. Q was back to his default black and maroon business suit. "I'm leaving now, I have to head off and return a favor to someone named Jean-Luc. Is there anything you'd like to say before I go"?
Alucard stood up, "Yes, there is. No more games Q, I won't guess. Tell me here and now why you have come to rub salt in my wounds".
Q considered it, "Fair enough, I suppose that you have a right to know. Very well, my purpose is for you to join me".
Alucard stood there for a moment, completely dumbfounded. He didn't know what to say, or how to react. His eyes widened a little bit but otherwise he showed no outward response.
Q gave a sly look to Alucard, "Does my offer tempt you?"
Alucard was still shocked; this was all some elaborate joke. "I would rather die than willingly join you."
Q made a faux concerned face before saying, "I was afraid that you'd say that. Fortunately, I am well acquainted with some aggressive persuasion techniques."
Alucard laughed, "You're going to try and torture me?"
The omnipotent being looked flabbergasted, "Alucard you wound me, I would never stoop so low as to torture you. I'd have someone else torture you for me."
Alucard shook his head and took a seat, "You have been the bane of my existence for five centuries. Compared to you, Van Helsing was a friendly masseuse. What guarantee do I have that joining you would be better than servitude under the Hellsing family?"
Q conjured himself some biscuits and a pot of tea before responding to Alucard, "Ah, good old Integra. You seem rather fond of that girl." Q willed some of the tea into a teacup where it smelled pleasantly of mint, "Your previous masters were not as lenient as Integra. Arthur locked you away for just over half a century and Abraham was, well, Abraham."
Alucard sneered, "Abraham was the worst of them. I couldn't have been happier when syphilis rotted off his genitals and then rotted out his mind."
"No good deed goes unpunished, Alucard." Q put down his tea cup and reached for a biscuit, "Actually, no deed at all goes unpunished. Whether you're good or bad, you will be punished. All you can do is try to be optimistic when the final blow is dealt."
"I'll never join you Q. No matter what lies you spout."
Q nibbled on his biscuit, seemingly unconcerned with what Alucard had to say, "I am a trickster Alucard, I wrap my words with misdirection and I appear to tell you tell you everything when in fact I tell you nothing. I leave out facts so that you're no better than a sightless man in a room full of blades. But I never lie, don't insinuate that I do."
Alucard leaned closer to Q, "Or else what?"
Q said in a nonchalant voice, "Or else I'll teleport you into the center of the sun."
"And what else?"
"After that, I might throw you into a black hole and let you rot there for an eternity, stretched infinitely thin and unable to do anything about it."
"Is that it?"
Q put down his half eaten biscuit and started to laugh, "Alucard, that's why I love your company. Jean-Luc is the voice of reason amidst an insane and chaotic world. But you, you are a piece of work if I've ever seen one."
"Oh really?" Alucard didn't like Q, but he did like it when people praised him, even if it was Q.
"Oh most certainly. In this mad world that you call home you are like the mad hatter, drinking your tea with mercury instead of cream. When madness rears its ugly head, you show your face and madness says, "And I thought I was scary." Q paused to change out of his maroon and black suit. With a snap of his fingers, Q was dressed in a white and black outfit the likes of which convicts dressed up in.
The costume certainly had meaning to Alucard; years ago Renfield had worn just such an outfit, right down to the shoes with their soles full of holes. Q had changed more than his clothes, Renfield's teeth had been that exact same shad of yellow. He even smelled like Renfield, unfortunately.
"Renfield got a bad rap because of you Alucard. He couldn't even hold a candle to you. You just managed to hide your insanity with expensive suits and refined manners."
Alucard wrinkled his nose, "I don't mean to offend you but your stench is burning out my nostrils. Would you mind assuming a form that is less offensive?"
Q threw up his hands in the air, showcasing the dirt under his fingernails, "Dr. Seward was so cruel to Renfield. He didn't even give him any soap to wash himself with."
"That is true, but Renfield would have likely eaten the bar of soap hoping to consume its soul."
Q snapped his fingers and suddenly assumed the clothes of Dr. Seward, "But we grow ever more distracted. I want you to join me and you want to destroy me. Will either of us get what we want?"
Alucard pretended to dust himself off, "You will get what you want. I getting what I want is far more unlikely."
"And what is it that you want, Alucard?"
"I want everything." He said it like it was so big trouble.
Q looked at Alucard as though he asked for nothing, "I could do that, quite easily."
"Would you do that?"
Q reached forward and tweaked Alucard's nose, "No I wouldn't. It would be far more fun to watch you go through life never getting what it is you desire."
Alucard stood up, "Well then Q, if you do know everything then you know when I'm going to leave this room."
"I believe that you'll leave this room in two seconds."
Alucard smiled, "That's right." With that, he started to make his exit.
Alucard was just about to walk through a wall when Q teleported in front of him, back in his default suit. Alucard and Q were standing at exactly the same height, the sprite and the devil. Alucard said with as much politeness as he could, "Q, get out of my way or I crush you like a ball of garbage and keep you around as a keychain."
Q had a smile on his face but there was no mirth in his voice, "You're not taking my offer seriously Alucard, it is in your best interest that you say yes to my too generous proposition."
"You offer me escape from one form of slavery by charging into another type of slavery. Generous is hardly the word that I'd use."
"As ever Alucard, your perception and your intelligence come nowhere near the level of your madness. I offer you more than slavery. What you shall be thrust into is a dream lifestyle for you. I will offer you greater scope for your pleasures and abilities than any Hellsing ever could. You would be my standard bearer, my wildcard."
"Get out of my way, Q." Alucard practically trembled with rage.
"I will do no such thing until you have heard what I have to say in its completeness." Q's smile slipped away and was replaced with a dire look, "The services that I will demand of you will not be easy. You will die, I guarantee it. When I decide your time has come, you will bite the dust and your cold dead body will give up its ghost. But you have my solemn promise, that even though you will die, death will prove a superior alternative to what fate awaits you here."
Q sighed before he snapped his fingers. A laptop computer materialized in a flash of white light on the conference room table. "If you are curious about what will happen to you if you say no, that laptop will explain everything to you. I want you to make a decision, an honest and informed decision. I will return in six hours, you have until then to make up your mind."
There was a white flash of light and then Q was gone, along with all the objects he'd conjured out of thin air, except for the laptop.
Alucard took the time to introspect, if what Q said was true, then that laptop computer would tell him his future at Hellsing. Did he dare look that far ahead? Even if some horrible fate was in store for him, could he simply leave the only people on earth that could even begin to feel love for him. Could he leave Police Girl, Integra and Walter behind?
Alucard needed something to take his mind off of all of it. If only something were to attack him then for a moment at least he could forget his troubles.
His wishes were granted when something large and menacing crashed through the wall of the conference room, as though Hellsing manor hadn't suffered enough damage. Alucard grinned as he sized up his new enemy. It was mean and deadly looking, which was all Alucard cared about.
Standing before the former vampire king was a giant man wielding an equally large chainsaw. The man was dressed up in blue coveralls like a farmer and easily reached eight feet tall. The man was incredibly wide too, too wide in fact to fit through any doorframe that Alucard had ever seen. But the man's most striking feature was the fact that he had a jack-o-lantern for a head.
The giant pumpkin headed man chuckled before saying to Alucard, "Soy Curcurito. Prepararse para morir."
Alucard grinned at Curcurito's threat, "Your ass is mine, Jack Skellington." Alucard pulled out both his handguns and aimed them at Curcurito's pumpkin head. In response, Curcurito revved his saw and made ready to charge.
Before either of them could attack, several more enemies came charging through the gaping hole in the wall. Five handsome Nordic men with bombs for hands came screaming and shouting at they ran through the hole, past Curcurito and towards Alucard. Alucard couldn't take it anymore; he just started laughing like a lunatic just as the first of the bomb-handed men exploded.
Planet Sera, alternate universe
There they were, a vampire, a Hellsing, a house wares salesman, a Spartan 2 and four gears. They were quite a group of characters, not that you'd want to bother them with all the firepower they were carrying. The group of unlikely allies had fought tooth and nail to get to where they were, the locust palace. Here they stood in the very throne room of the queen, who was not at all what they expected.
"That's the Locust Queen? I thought she's supposed to be butt ugly." Cole said in a confused voice.
Ever the wiseass, Ash decided to give the Queen a piece of his mind, "Let's not kid ourselves lady, you're hot, but you're trying to wipe out the human race. So what'd ya say you drop the whole kill-humanity thing and we can go down and get freaky-deaky if you know what I'm saying?" Ash raised his eyebrows and shook his hips a little to try and accent his point.
The silence was so thick that you could almost hear cricket noise. The Locust Queen gave Ash an icy look that outperformed even Integra's best work.
Baird looked at Ash as though he wanted to ask, "What the fuck were you thinking?"
Ash gave Baird an awkward look that just seemed to say, "Hey, she's hot. I had to try."
The Locust Queen started to speak in an icy tone that was eerily reminiscent of Integra, "You are the first humans to ever desecrate this palace with your presence."
Marcus Fenix looked the Queen square in the eye, "Well, if you're planning to flood the hollow, then I guess we would be the last."
At the moment, Integra started up again, bloody sword in hand, "PALACE . . . ALADIN . . . MIDDLE EAST . . . FEMALE CIRCUMCISION . . . IRAN . . . SHE RAN . . . ALSO RAN."
The Locust Queen paid so attention to Integra's ranting, "Yes, though the great worm is destroyed, there are other methods to bring about our grand design." She raised one hand and held in the light a book that was bound in human flesh and inked in blood.
Ash recognized the book instantly, "The Necronomicon!"
"The what?" Seras asked.
The Queen elaborated, "This is a book that we had thought lost forever. But fate it seems has other intentions." The Queen started to pace like an animal faced with prey but is not hungry, "With this book, we will wipe out the humans along with the lambent and banish the deadites to the space between spaces."
Marcus growled at the Queen, "Not if we sink this place first."
A guttural and inhuman voice reverberated through the chamber, "Silence your fool tongue, human." The speaker in question was a massive locust general with a face that looked discerningly more human than his compatriots. He was big, bigger than the Master Chief and wore spiked shoulder pads with human skulls impaled on them.
The Queen smiled, "You've met SCYTHE, as well as Skorge." She indicated the giant locust that was kneeling by her side. Skorge was leaner and far more sinewy then SCYTHE. Skorge wore a helmet that had many dreadlock like cords hanging from it, making him look like something out of an American science fiction film that Seras had seen once. Skorge was every bit as ugly and scary as SCYTHE, just in a different way.
Skorge shifted his gaze until he met eyes with Seras. Seras glared back at Skorge, who flicked out a forked tongue. This made Seras jump back, anything that reminded her of a snake was a big no.
The Queen focused her attention on Marcus, "You are the son of Adam Fenix, why then did you not follow in his footsteps?"
Marcus was confused, "The hell you talking about?"
The Queen began to talk away, escorted by her dozen and half Theron guards, "It doesn't matter anymore, Skorge, SCYTHE, destroy them all."
SCYTHE smiled, an expression that looked diabolical on him. Skorge hissed and revved up his double headed chainsaw poleax. Skorge began to spin the chainsaw bladed weapon round and around like some kind of mutant ninja.
SCYTHE looked to the Master Chief before pulling out two golden energy blades, "Come Demon, unless you are afraid."
A high pitched shriek was heard as a berserker lumbered into the room. "That one is mine." Seras hissed as her eyes turned bloody red.
Ash looked at the situation all around him, Marcus and Dom were going after the Queen, there was a guy with a better chainsaw than him and about a million freaks, deadite or lambent standing just outside the door. Yep, things looked about even, "If that's the way you want it," Ash withdrew his shotgun, "Come get some."
Planet Earth, unknown distance from Rio, our universe
Dok was reluctant to do this, but he was running out of options. Captain's behavior was getting worse, twenty minutes ago the stoic werewolf had passed by an empty microwave oven and upon seeing it, started opening and closing the microwave while screaming "BITCH" at the top of his lungs.
Five minutes ago, the Major had laid an egg, that was the final straw. So he was going to try and summon the guy whose name was pronounced "Beetlejuice".
Dok said it once, "Beetlejuice." Nothing happened, he tried it again, "Beetlejuice." Again, nothing. Thus Dok said the name once more, not aware of the world of hurt that he was in for, "Beeltejuice."
I just wanted to thank all of my readers and reviewers for taking the time and reading the product of my scrambled brains. I do not own General SCYTHE, EZB owns him. Remember to read and review, that requests are welcome and all reviews, flame or constructive are welcome. So have a good day then.
TA
Master of the Boot