Chapter 11
Ursa's Will

"P-perhaps you should put out your flames sister," suggested Iroh warily as he was forced to take a step back by the angry heat radiating from Ursa. "They truly appear to aggravate you."

"I'm fully aware of that!" snapped the She-Bear as she waved her arms angrily, the blaze spreading between her hands. Iroh watched nervously as the flames came dangerously close to brushing against the walls. He tried to speak up, but the Fire Lady was working herself up into a full rant.

"You think just because I'm mad that I'm not aware of what's happening to me? That I live in this depressing darkness because I want too?! That I couldn't feel the obsessive thoughts, the paranoia and hallucinations growing worse as the sun rose and the solstice approached? T-hat I didn't… make the connection… *gasp*… with the burnt out depression… and fretful nightmares…*sob*… that would fall over me as the sun set… and winter came on?" cried Ursa as she collapsed to her knees. Despite her flames not having died all the way down yet, Iroh stepped forward and cradled her sobbing head to his chest. "If only I would lose my mind, I wouldn't be forced to watch it slip away bit by bit, living in dread of the inevitable abyss before me."

"I'm sorry Ursa…" whispered Iroh as he tried to comfort the Fire Lady, gently stroking her hair, "If I'd known it was this bad… this is all my fault for fearing the truth of what happened that night… I should have sought it out immediately. Instead I selfishly waited until I needed you, without considering how cruel my request would be. I'm sorry."

"What are you talking about brother?! This is all my fault," sobbed Ursa. "I'm the one who five years ago put the wrong sibling on the throne."

"That's enough Ursa, I don't blame you for my father's death."

"No, you don't understand! I knew it was wrong!" declared Ursa desperately. "That you were meant to succeed your father and would make the better ruler. Yet I rebelled against the natural order! I wanted Ozai to look at me again with that spark we had when we were first courting, instead of cold contempt. To show him that I wasn't as weak as he thought, that I could be as strong and ruthless as him! If my husband's a monster, then I am too!"

"That's enough Ursa."

"Everything that's happening now is the result of my sin! Your being denied your birthright! My husband having the power to do such horrible things! Zuko's suffering at his father's hands! Azula being corrupted because I haven't been there for her! I'm a horrible mother! And now you're all having to risk your lives to try and correct my mistake, while I'm too cowardly to…"

"That's enough!" growled Iroh as he tightly pressed the Fire Lady to himself. They stayed like that for a long while, Ursa crying herself out as the general's silent tears joined her.

"Iroh?" asked the Fire Lady as she finally wiped her eyes and pushed herself away from her brother-in-law.

"Yes Ursa?"

"Please kill me," whispered the Fire Lady as she bowed her head. "I don't have long left anyway. Not a night goes by without the suicidal thoughts. If I can't even hold it together now, I'm only fooling myself that I'll be able to resist the comet's overwhelming power." Iroh's eyes widened in pity and horror as the final terrible implication of his sister's condition hit him. "So many times I've wished to set this whole prison alight and end it all. I'm afraid of what I'll do when I truly lose control. I don't want to die alone. Please brother, let me die while I can still remember who I am," begged Ursa as she looked up at Iroh with pleading eyes.

"Ursa, you need to get out of this place," declared the general. "It's making you sick. Like the dragon that continually chases and consumes its own tail. I too was like that after Lu Ten died. We had argued last we met. I was running the siege slow and cautiously, slowly grinding Ba Sing Se out. He and the younger officers wanted to take a more aggressive line of attack, one which offered more opportunities for glory."

"If I'd only known that was going to be the last time we saw each other… there were so many stupid things I wished I hadn't said, so many important things I wish I'd had the chance to tell him, but never will. The last chance to see who knows how many of your family is rapidly approaching sister. There is no telling if any of us will be left amongst the living when this is all over. You'll regret it if you run from them and your destiny."

"I'll also regret what will happen if I see them again," replied Ursa bitterly, her shoulder's slumping and flames dying out as it became apparent Iroh would not give her the release she sought. The hallway and the Fire Lady's heart fell back into darkness.

"Sometimes there are no good choices," replied Iroh as he placed a sympathetic hand on the Fire Lady's shoulder. "If it is honorable death you seek, there is no better place than the battlefield. I hope though that once you get out of this cursed place, once you get back into Agni's light and see your children again, your sickness will weaken and you'll be able to remember what you have to live for. When the comet comes we could restrain you and have Ty Lee block your bending. Come Ursa, let us leave this dark haunted place," said Iroh as he offered her his hand.

"Once I decide what to do, I will do it my way general. It is not your place to command me" replied Ursa as she stood back up, coolly ignoring his outstretched hand. "I have one last request. Do not tell your companions, especially Zuko, about any of this. I want him to remember me as his gentle mother, not as what I've become. And it would be foolish right before such a crucial battle to burden him with worries about this worthless woman. His mind must be clear and free from distraction if he is to lead his troops to victory."

Iroh opened his mouth to protest, but the Fire Lady's implacable bearing dissuaded him. "…Very well my Lady, if that is your will," assented the general with a formal bow, the sense of fate's inexorable hand pressing heavily down upon him.

"It is," affirmed Ursa.

"I will leave a boat here for you then. If you decide to take part in the coming struggle, you will need to leave by nightfall," informed Iroh. "As we speak, the combined fleets of the Earth Rebels and Northern Water Tribe are sailing towards the Fire Nation."

"They'll never get past the blockade," replied Ursa dismissively. Fire Nation naval supremacy had been the defining factor of the war since day one. Enemy troops hadn't defiled the Homeland in over a century. Every schoolchild knew that the blockade was impenetrable and would keep them safe.

"That was true up to a half year ago," explained Iroh. "Since then the tides of war have not been kind to our once invincible navy. Believing our supply of ships was more than adequate, seven months ago our steel shipments and shipyards were repurposed for the construction of war balloons. This wouldn't have been a problem, except right after words the Fire Nation suffered it's most devastating naval defeat ever."

"Admiral Jhao led the largest combined fleet this world has seen in an ambitious attempt to defeat both the Avatar and the Northern Water Tribe. He made the mistake of killing the Moon Spirit however. Her consort, the Ocean Spirit, was so stricken with grief and rage that he manifested with the Avatar and wiped out the invading force."

"Divine judgment, is it?" mused Ursa.

"Indeed, our nation's hubris has grown such that we would challenge even the sacred gods. It was at the moment I saw Jhao threaten and kill the Moon Spirit before my eyes that I realized just how much the war was corrupting our country, and that I became willing to side with the Avatar against what my country had become." revealed Iroh.

"Before the siege of the north, the Northern Water Tribe left us largely alone, only attacking if we strayed into their waters. Now they hunt our ships and raid the coastal settlements. They even destroyed a shipyard as far south as Mutai. One would be hard pressed to find a member of their tribe who didn't lose friend or family to Jhao's assault; they even lost their princess, the chieftain's only daughter. While our navy is strong, there are few things more fearsome than having to fight waterbenders out for vengeance on the high seas."

"Though their numbers aren't enough to pose an existential threat to the navy, it has made the once largely subdued waters dangerous again, requiring increased escorts for our transport ships," explained the general, falling comfortably into his old role of analyzing military situations. "The need to secure Ba Sing Se and put down rebellions, which have increased markedly since the news spread that the Avatar was alive and had invaded the Fire Nation, is spreading the Navy thin as it works overtime to try and redeploy an equally thin spread Army to the hot spots. After a hundred years on the offense, our nation has grown complacent about it's defense, dismissing the possibility of significant enemy forces reaching our shores. Thus many ships have been temporarily reassigned from the blockade to help with escort and transport duty."

"With the fall of the Earth Kingdom, their ships were freed from bureaucratic red tape and the need to play defense. In some ways, the fall of the capital may have been the best thing that could have happened for the Earth Kingdom's resistance," opined the Fire Nation general. "I always respected the bravery and skill of the soldier I fought against, but their generals were often uncreative, using the same predictable defensive maneuvers as our archives indicated their forefathers had. Often their literal fathers, as many of the generals had gotten their positions through family or political connections rather than any distinguishing personal merit. I was once able to anticipate the entire course of a battle when I realized I was fighting the son of a general I'd defeated twenty years earlier, and that he was making all the same mistakes as his father," chuckled Iroh.

"With the collapse of the centralized military command, new blood with innovative tactics has been rising to the top of the resistance. No longer able to fight traditional pitched battles against us that play to our strengths, the Earth Benders have discovered their abilities are well suited for hit and run guerrilla warfare. Traveling underground, they can launch devastating surprise attacks from below, and then disappear back into the earth before they're surrounded. The expeditions that try to track them down in the mountainous regions they operate from often disappear without a trace. These new breed of Earth Rebels can still field six fleets, while Waterbender's have a natural advantage fighting at sea. The weakened blockade will be hard pressed to withstand their combined assault," concluded Iroh.

"Even if the blockade can be defeated, is it really wise to invite foreign forces into our territory general? Especially those who are little more than irregular terrorists?" asked the Fire Lady with a raised eyebrow and tone that made it clear exactly what she thought of the whole distasteful matter. "Like an obnoxious cousin between jobs, they have an unpleasant tendency to take things that don't belong to them and overstay their welcome."

"Hopefully it will not come to that. The naval engagement is a feint; rounding the western air temple's coast, it will threaten to land in the northwest, drawing the main army. Instead of supporting the landing, we intend to secretly rendezvous with our forces already in the Fire Nation and launch a coup from the south. If all goes according to plan, we should have taken the capital before the fleets arrive on our coast, and they will not need to invade," offered up Iroh.

" "If all goes according to plan", how reassuring," muttered the Fire Lady. "And if your coup fails, you can always try to regroup with the invading army and launch your specialty, a siege on the capital. You were the only Fire Nation commander whom ever had the patience and attention to detail to properly run those," noted Ursa.

"You may be too clever for your own good though general. Because of the blockade, the Homeland has never felt the need to be heavily garrisoned. With the army being spread thin, I imagine this is even more so. If both yours and the Imperial forces weaken each other enough, your "allies" may find it difficult to resist the temptation of taking the capital for themselves, regardless of who is on the throne. It would certainly be an ironic swap of capitals," observed the Fire Lady darkly.

"Your sagacious advice will be kept well in mind my lady," replied Iroh thoughtfully. "I hope you will consider a position as a royal councilor after the war is over. It is truly a shame that such a formidable noblewoman never officially became Fire Lady. The loss was our country's."

"The flattery is appreciated general," said Ursa with a slight note of amusement. "But a mad murderess guilty of treason would dishonor any council she sat on. Thank you for the news from the front; it will be taken under consideration. You may take your leave now," dismissed the Fire Lady with a wave of her hand as she turned away. "Farewell."

"Until we meet again then, my lady. May Agni shine his mercy on you," said Iroh, trying to keep his courtly formalities from cracking. While it might be a formal parting prayer, Iroh meant it with all the strong emotion welling up in his heart.

***

Next:

"Sometimes there are no good choices. Everything that's happening now is the result of my sin. Five years ago I put the wrong sibling on the throne. This is my cruel test of atonement. I won't repeat my mistake, even if…

Chapter 12: Gotterdammerung's Pyre