Lorelai folded her hands on the counter, shaking her head. "I still hold my theory that my mother is a femme-bot, you know, like from Austin Powers? You never know what will make her explode," Lorelai mused.
Luke rolled his eyes, wiping down the counter as the phone rang. He walked toward it and picked it up. "Luke's," he answered. "Hey, April, you home safe?"
"Tell April I say hi," Lorelai said, leaning across the counter and poking Luke in the ribs.
Flinching, Luke glared at her and rolled his eyes. "Lorelai says hi. Uh huh. Okay, talk to you later. I love you too, bye."
"What did she say?"
Luke rolled his eyes. "Why am I your go between to say hello to April, who you just saw yesterday?"
Lorelai huffed. "Because the tin can string couldn't reach New Mexico, of course, and what the hell has gotten into you, Mr. Cranky Pants?"
"I'm just not so thrilled with the idea of going to dinner again tonight, your anecdote about your mother being a robot reminded me," Luke insisted.
"You're telling me," Lorelai muttered. "And I definitely tried to get you out of it, but you just broke the rule of letting me explain things to my parents."
"There was no conference on tainted meat that I was required to go to, Lorelai, they would have figured it out eventually," he said, pouring her another cup of coffee. "Crappy excuses don't always work."
Lorelai took the mug and pulled it closer by the handle. She looked up at Luke. "Ah, but sometimes they're so crappy they're just that believable. I'm just trying to keep an open mind here, that they really are excited about us. My mom has a reputation for faking it."
Luke shrugged. "I seem to remember the use of 'rustic' as the tell tale sign that she wasn't so good at it."
"Hey, I never said she was 'Joe Millionaire' or 'My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance', but she's not bad at pulling the wool over our eyes at times," she replied, looking down at her coffee cup.
"Sounds like someone else is on the fence about this too," Luke pointed out. "Are you optimistic or are you dreading tonight?"
Lorelai sighed. "Rory was the buffer last week, and April had been for the two weeks before that. Now it's just us again, Luke. She can really sink her teeth into the situation."
"She's not a vampire, Lorelai, she's your mother."
"One in the same. Thanks for rubbing your cranky mood off on me," she insisted, tapping her foot against the stool.
As Luke prepared to reply to Lorelai, Kirk walked up to the counter and seated himself next to her. "What can I do for you, Kirk?"
"Well, I was wondering if it was possible for you to make me a half bacon cheeseburger?"
"Kirk, if he makes you a cheeseburger with a stitch of bacon on it, it's a bacon cheeseburger," Lorelai said, turning to face him.
His eyes darted back and forth, between Luke and Lorelai, and he sighed. "But it's only half bacon. If it was a sheet of bacon, if you will, then it's a bacon cheeseburger."
Lorelai snorted, taking a sip of her coffee. "Well, what would it be then? Bay-cheeseburger? That's half of the word bacon."
"Kirk, go back to your table, I can put bacon on half the patty for you, just sit down and don't get up until you're finished with your meal," Luke grumbled.
"What if I have to use the facilities?"
"Kirk!" Luke barked, pointing to the chair, sending Kirk darting back to his seat.
Lorelai giggled. "I will see you tonight. You gave me my good mood back with that," she said, leaning across the counter for a kiss.
"See you tonight," Luke replied as Lorelai walked out the door.
Lorelai ran all the possible scenarios of what could happen at dinner that night through her mind. The most amusing involved a karaoke machine and Richard's version of a Fergie song. But it was also the most far-fetched. She walked into the kitchen, smiling at Sookie as she reached for a nonexistent coffee pot.
"The coffee maker died this morning, Michel's getting a new one now," Sookie insisted. "Just temporary. Then I figured we'd give you the temporary one once the new one comes in, which I already called the appliance guy about, and it's still under warranty."
Lorelai raised her eyebrows. "Wow," she said. "That was fast."
"Well, I didn't want to be in the line of fire due to your lack of caffeine consumption," she insisted, stirring the day's dinner recipe.
"Smart woman," Lorelai teased.
"You seem distracted today, are you okay?" Sookie asked.
Lorelai sighed, rubbing her temples. "I have dinner tonight with my parents. And Luke."
"You've taken that step before, hon," Sookie said, trying to reassure Lorelai.
"Sure, but they're playing games with my mind. They're pretending to like Luke, but the second they see something 'wrong' with him, kaboom."
"Kaboom?" Sookie asked, scrunching up her nose. "I have a feeling there's going to be a mess following that kaboom?"
Lorelai nodded gravely, leaning against the counter. "It just seems too good to be true, with Emily and Richard Gilmore."
"Well, sweetie, I think you should give it a try. Maybe your parents are trying to be happy for you this time," Sookie insisted.
Lorelai grabbed a donut from a nearby plate. "That seems to be the general consensus," she sighed. "I'll try it. Again."
"Good girl," Sookie said with a nod.
She wished the day would have dragged, but it didn't. In fact, the guests at the inn kept her busy and before she knew it, she was back in the Crap Shack stumbling over a box of Luke's things in front of her closet.
"You okay?" Luke asked, moving the box aside.
She nodded, smoothing the fabric on her black dress. "Do I look okay?"
"'Okay' is an understatement," he said with a devilish grin.
She shook her head. "You spend way too much time with me. I like it," she said, straightening his tie.
"I'm just hoping things go well for us tonight, maybe you'll feel better about the whole situation," Luke insisted.
Lorelai pulled on her heels and took one last look in the mirror before meeting Luke at the front door. "Let's get this over with," she grumbled, walking out the door.
The drive to the Gilmore mansion was silent. Lorelai was lost in her own worries about the night. Something was bound to go wrong, she could feel it. She stepped out onto the driveway and tripped, twisting her ankle.
"You okay?" Luke asked.
Lorelai nodded. "Oh, I'm fine. It's just another way for Emily Gilmore to spite me."
"Can you try to go into this with an open mind? For my sake? My sanity's being compromised here," Luke insisted, ringing the doorbell.
She sighed, crossing her arms. "Fine," she pouted, waiting for the maid to show them to the living room for drinks.
Luke politely greeted the maid and grabbed Lorelai's hand, leading her into the house. The maid brought the couple to the living room and Emily smiled, greeting the pair.
"Luke, Lorelai, we're so glad you could make it, and on time!" Emily gushed. "Please, have a seat."
Lorelai rolled her eyes, taking a seat on the couch and crossing her legs. "Hi mom," she said sweetly, a forced smile on her face.
"What has gotten into you, Lorelai?" Emily asked.
Luke glared at Lorelai, who shook her head. "I'm sorry, Mom, it was a rather rough day at the inn, I didn't intend to take it out on you."
"Is something wrong with the inn?" Richard asked.
"Just a broken coffee maker, that's all. The guests were rather impatient and our temporary coffee maker wasn't doing the trick," Lorelai explained.
Emily nodded. "Lorelai, Luke, would you like something to drink?"
"I'll have my usual, Mom," Lorelai replied with a smile, patting Luke's knee.
The elder Gilmores made polite conversation until the maid came in to announce that dinner was ready. Lorelai gently put her hand on her mother's shoulder and jumped at Emily's reaction.
"Lorelai, what on Earth…"
"I didn't mean to scare you, Mom, I was just wondering if we could talk," Lorelai said, waving her hand.
Emily straightened up. "What could we possibly have to talk about?"
"Are you pretending to be happy for me and Luke? Because if you are…"
"Why would you think that, Lorelai? What, your father and I can't try and accept the new man in your life for once? Isn't that what you wanted?"
She sighed, looking her mother in the eye. "Last time…"
"Last time has no bearing on this time, Lorelai, we've all gotten to know Luke a little bit better, and I certainly hope you'd be happy that your father and I are accepting you and Luke as a couple."
Lorelai took a step back, trying to process what Emily had just said. She had hoped it would be true, but she never expected to hear it from her mother. "Honestly, Mom, you accept us together?"
Emily turned up her nose. "Lorelai, you act like I'm some snob incapable of being happy for her daughter!"
"Mom, I…"
"Yes, Lorelai, we are happy for you and Luke. Do you want me to screen it on a t-shirt? Perhaps I can go to Hartford and pose with your father, have them write the message on a coffee mug for you?"
"Don't ruin it, Mom?" Lorelai begged.
Emily sighed. "Your father and Luke are waiting in the dining room, come sit down."
Lorelai followed her mother into the dining room, wearing a smile on her face. If only Rory was there for that conversation. Of course Lorelai didn't think to tape it, but then again that was illegal anyway. She'd have to tell Rory about it first thing in the morning.
But she was just a little more excited about telling Luke that Emily and Richard's intentions were good. Lorelai had a feeling that the potatoes could possibly end up talking to the peas if she didn't keep her happiness in check.