...:::***Why Me?***:::... ( Sesshomaru Love Story ) Chapter 11
Well, dear readers. I just wanted to let you know; today, May 16th, is Sayuri's birthday!
*Flash Back*
Your finger slowly ran down to her lips then back to her cheek where a lock of hair lay astray. You pushed it off, watching it as her black locks blended with your silver ones. Black and White.
You glared at her; she was your complete opposite. You were too different. This could not happen again. These kinds of mistakes do not repeat themselves.
You thought of what to do with her then; let her leave. To make her walk the lands free; she was able to take care of herself mostly by now. Though you had ruined her chances of marrying a decent man and have a family as she spoke of the other night.
Sudden rage, a hot feeling, rose in your chest; no. She was yours. None had touched her except you and you did not share. You glared at her as if she had mentioned this herself.
She didn't even flinch in her sleep. You had never had another sleep in your bed before. You scoffed and rolled away from her, resting finally.
You did not know it, as you had fallen asleep, but quickly you had turned around again, seeking the warm body beside you and allowed it to snuggle up against your own. You held her protectively, looking content.
*End of Flash Back*
*Sesshomaru's POV*
You opened your eyes. The smell of someone familiar was in your nose and a warm body close to yours. You looked at Sayuri. She was shivering from the cold. She was still asleep though. Why was it so cold?
You sat up and looked around the room. The window was open. You stood up to close it. You looked over your land and remembered the meeting in two weeks. You would be away for another two weeks.
You hated those meetings and wanted nothing more than to get this upcoming war over with and rule the lands yourself. But that wasn't possible for at least the next four or five months.
You closed the window, looking back at the shivering girl. She must have been exhausted, sleeping as tightly as she did. You got dressed and wrapped the sheets around the sleeping girl. You picked her up gently, so you wouldn't wake her. She didn't even stir. Then you walked from the tower holding her and to her room. The hallways were silent and you thought that you wouldn't meet anyone with that girl in your arms. But of course it just couldn't go like that. Rin had to wake up and walked out of her room just as you walked past her room. She blinked tiredly: ,,Sesshomaru-sama?! You are back!''
You told the little girl to be quiet and go back to sleep. She made a face and said that she was scared and didn't want to be alone. You sighed quietly and told her: ,,I need to find you someone to play with.''
,,But I have Yuri-chan . . .'' she objected. You cut her off before she could finish: ,,No. You will leave her alone today.''
The little girl didn't say anything to that. But then she looked at the girl in your arms and wondered: ,,Sesshomaru-sama? Why are you holding Yuri-chan?''
You thought about what to tell her? That you had satisfied your selfish, physical needs for the first time in decades, and it had been with some human girl you had taken into your home? You close your eyes in annoyance and finally said: ,,Go back to sleep, Rin. And do not bother her today.''
Rin nodded, you were glad that she had always been ready to follow anything you told her to, without question: ,,Alright Sesshomaru-sama. Good night!''
She went back inside. You walked in to the girl's room. It was freezing. The balconies had been open for the whole day. You put the girl in her bed and walked to close the balconies. You looked over the land once again before you closed the door firmly.
You hadn't noticed her waking up. You raised an eyebrow when she suddenly spoke up: ,,Things will still be the same, right? Nothing has changed? This was just something you had the urge to do. Right, my lord?''
You didn't move. A part of your mind wanted to protest but the other, more sensible, one agreed. You reached the best decision.
,,Correct. You will never speak of this to anyone. Is that clear.''
She looked down, you felt guilt, she asked: ,,And if I get married in the future? What should I tell my husband? If there will be one?''
Anger flared in your mind; how stupid could she be? Did she really think she could ever marry? You did not share: ,,You will not get married. There will never be any husband.You are mine!''
Silence filled the room. She stared at you surprised. You were surprised. You had sounded calm as you stated this, but you felt everything but calm. Which was odd; you did not say such things.
,,You are Rin's babysitter. You belong here. You cannot leave and get married. Now get back to sleep.''
You hoped that this would be the end of it, you had at least eased the statement of your words; she shouldn't misinterpret. You watched her lay back down and took the covers which were wrapped around her: ,,Yes, my Lord. Here are your covers.''
She handed them to you, and you saw the pain in her eyes when she moved and heard her flinch from the pain. You took the covers and walked for the door. You stopped there and said: ,,You do not have to get out of bed tomorrow. I'll let the servant send you some breakfast. Rin will not bother you either.''
She nodded and thanked you. Then you walked out.
*Sayuri's POV*
When you woke up it hurt really bad. Just lying hurt, sitting was worse, and the nicest option was standing. Which was very tiring. You glanced around; clothes? Anything? You pulled yourself up and pulled the covers over you as you very slowly got out of bed.
Suddenly your door was opened and you quickly covered up your naked body a bit better. And it was good you did that. Takehiko came in. The look on his face was cold and he said angrily in a cold politeness: ,,Breakfast, for the lady.''
You raised your eyebrow at him, scowling: ,,Thank you.''
You glanced at the plate on the desk, then back at him as you realized that he wasn't planning on leaving. You asked him, or tried anyway. Your voice was hoarse and raspy, so you cleared your throat: ,,Is there something I can help you with?''
Takehiko stared at you with a cold, blank stare. He then looked around, folding his arms and hissed his question: ,,Where were you yesterday?''
You let the silence settle in before you answered: ,,Why does it matter?''
The fury in his voice was very audible now. You looked away from him as he read over you: ,,Where the hell were you, Sayuri?! I looked all over the castle for you, and you weren't anywhere to be found!''
You shrugged: ,,Then you must have overlooked someplace.''
He pointed an angry finger at you: ,,I did not! I know this castle better than the back of my hand, and I'm well aware that the only place I did not look for you was in the West Tower!''
You glared at him: ,,Who says I was in the castle?''
This time, Takehiko yelled. You winced from the anger emitting from him, not sure why he was so angry: ,,Of course you were! Don't you think I can smell him all over you?! How could you?!''
You looked away from him, to the door, thinking back to last night. You then said: ,,I was asked not to talk about it.''
,,I'll bet!''
You glared at him: ,,I don't know what he might do, he might kill you or he might kill me,'' you sighed and rubbed your face: ,,I'm sorry, Tako, but it wasn't as if I meant for this to happen.''
You stood up and walked over to the food; it was just standard breakfast. You glanced at the angry demon, who was walking to the door. He stopped by the opening, turning to you and hissed: ,,I sure hope you didn't. You have no idea what you have done.''
You shook you head: ,,Probably not.''
He closed the door and left you alone. You felt a tear run down your cheek; you really had no idea what you had done. You ate. You bathed. You felt soar. The water itself stung in unnamed places, but you felt better afterwards. As you were dressing in the bathroom you thought back again. You closed your eyes, feeling woozy. Then a wave of nausea hit you and you bent down over the toilet, the little you ate of breakfast disappearing. You gasped; you hadn't thrown up in a while, but you hated it just as much as you did last time.
You scrambled yourself back together when you had regained yourself and went back to bed. You slumped down, sighing; how come you were still so tired?
You fell asleep quickly, dreaming this time.
You were warm. Too warm. You opened your eyes and starred right up to the blazing sun. You felt hard stone under you and it was boiling your skin. You screamed as you soon realized you were stuck to the ground. You yelled for help and a man came. He was in the shadow of the sun, so you couldn't see him clearly, only as a black shadow. He stared at you and you asked him to help you. He didn't move how much you begged.
You saw him smirk.
Then you were standing alone somewhere in a forest. You looked around for something familiar, but there was nothing. You looked straight ahead and jumped. There was a young man, stuck to a tree with an arrow. He had white, long hair and dog ears. He seemed like he was sleeping, but you knew he had been slumbering for a long while. You jumped again when you saw a girl come through the trees, she was wearing a weird outfit. It was a green and white shirt, like a man's, but then she had a green skirt, which was a lot to short for any woman to wear in public! You grimaced as you suddenly knew that she was from somewhere far, far away. She was watching the boy, approaching him slowly. She looked as curious as you felt. She stopped in front of him for a moment, you wondered what she was thinking about. Then she touched his ears. You too felt this need to touch them. But then arrows went through you. You didn't feel them. And they almost hit the girl.
You felt this memory, for that's what it felt like, disappear. This time you were at a village, the girl had been tied up. An old woman was throwing some white stuff at her and stating she was a demon. The girl said that she wasn't a demon. The old lady asked then: ,,Then why were ye found in the forest of InuYasha?''
You felt your heart skip a beat as you heard the name. "InuYasha" echoed through your body and you saw the face of the young man appear before you.
Then it was as if you had fallen asleep; it was night. A centipede-demon was attacking. It wanted the Sacred Shikon Jewel. The girl knew that it was after it and the demon thought she had it so she ran back to the forest and towards the light.
Everything was happening so fast. You had to carefully watch to keep up with everything which was going on.
You were suddenly back to the demon stuck to the tree. You felt his heart take a beat for the first time in fifty years. He moved his head and looked up. His eyes were glowing golden, anger obviously burning in his heart. You were hypnotized. You jumped when he spoke: ,,I smell it. The blood of the woman who killed me. And it's coming closer.''
He reached to draw the arrow out of him but it began glowing and he couldn't take it. He swore.
Suddenly, the girl was flying through you and landed in front of him, or the tree, the centipede following.
The man greeted her as Kikyo. You shook your head; no, that was not her. Not even close. The man continued, telling her to kill the centipede as she killed him. She protested, said she was not Kikyo. Her name was Kagome.
You sprung up. This dream seemed so real. Again, like it was a memory. You shook your head, trying to shake it off you. You had never seen or heard any of those names. Yet it was like you knew them all. The demon in the tree was definitely InuYasha. The girl was Kagome. And that old lady was . . . Who? Younger sister of Kikyo. Kaede? Who was Kikyo? She was dead. Or so you thought.
You sighed and winced in pain. You still felt this unpleasant feeling in your stomach, but it wasn't as much as first.
You felt so much better after the nap, eager to do something. But you didn't want to forget what you had seen. You stood up, wincing again. But you moved over to your desk, knowing that you had paper and pencils there. You put the food away, and began drawing. You hadn't drawn in a while, but you knew that you had always been pretty good.
You drew the demon stuck in the tree. You enjoyed drawing his eyes, trying to capture the glow from his eyes. But before you had finished, you had begun the portrait of the girl, Kagome. You didn't finish her, but you did try to finish the other drawing.
You smiled at it, wondering just who he was, why did you see him so clearly? You heard noises from the hallway, frowning; this was definitely something not normal. You jumped when your door was pushed open, harshly and the yelling entered your room.
You stared at Natsuko, trying your best to hear words in her yelling and cursing, finger-pointing and glaring. You looked at Takehiko who was trying to get Natsuko to leave, yelling at her, and yelled over her to you that he was sorry, that he was trying to get her to leave, but she didn't. You just shook your head and concentrated on Natsuko.
,,How could you do this?! I thought you were my friend! Then you just go and do something like this, how could you?! I've never been anything but nice to you and I would never, ever hurt you and betray you like this!''
You blinked in confusion; what? Betray? Hurt her . . . What? She was obviously furious, even crying. You stared at her, trying to find out why in the world she would be mad at you . . .
Oh. You glared at Takehiko, who shook his head: ,,I didn't say anything, she figured it out. I told you that you had no idea what you had done!''
You rolled your eyes at him. You stood up and let Natsuko continue to scream at you. You waited patiently for her to take a deep breath: ,,You whore! You wouldn't even be alive if it wasn't for him! You don't deserve someone like him, you human wench! You should be . . .''
She took a breath and you glared at her: ,,Dead? Yeah, I'm aware, thank you! But don't you dare put that in the same context as this! You had never even told me that you had any feelings at all for him, and then you just storm in here and accuse me of betraying you! How can I betray you when you didn't show me trust?! Besides, it was not like I planned to do this. And now, please,'' you retreated to your bathroom: ,,I need to use the bathroom.''
You slammed the door back in her face. There were a few seconds of quietness, before she began yelling again. You sighed as you sat down on the toilet; really? She continued to yell as you were washing your hands and got back out from the bathroom. You heard stick words; low-life, human, die, jerk, whore and so on and on. You Went to your balconies and sat down on your banister again. You looked up at the moon, which was still full after almost a whole week. You shivered; eerie. The gypsy seemed to know what she had been talking about.
Suddenly you felt a harsh grip on your arm and you thought of the bruise this would make: ,,Are you even listening to me?!''
You looked weary into Natsuko's eyes and told her plainly: ,,No, I'm not. Why should I? You keep on saying the same things, which I know hold no ground against your actions in the past. If you really did love lord Sesshomaru, then you should have done something about it in the first place. You don't just sit there and watch him for afar; that's called a crush.
You don't even know him, Natsuko, because if you did you would know that he will not sit idly by as you continue to make loud noises in his home, seemingly, without a reason.''
Again she was speechless at your response. You looked back out to the yard, wondering if lord Sesshomaru would actually hear any of this. But if you really did know him at all, then you weren't wrong; he would definitely be irritated by the commotion.
,,Well of course he will! The lord will do absolutely everything for his new whore!''
That felt like a whip. You glared at Natsuko, who was smirking in victory. You hissed icily: ,,Excuse me?''
You saw movement behind Natsuko and you felt all color leave your face. He was standing there, stoic and unmoving. Takehiko turned around when he saw your reaction, bowing instantly: ,,Milord.''
Natsuko turned around as well, blushing with anger and embarrassment. She gasped and bowed: ,,Milord! You're here! You . . . you heard what . . .''
The glare lord Sesshomaru sent her way gave you the chills. He did not like what he had heard. How much did he hear? You bit your lip, anticipating what was going to happen.
,,I did,'' he glanced your way, but said nothing to you. He then glared at Natsuko and Takehiko again: ,,I believe this floor is not meant for servants to roam around without a reason. Yet here you are,'' you felt your heart skip a beat as you watched his lips move, even though everything he said sounded like a death threat. You felt your body get heavier, but you snapped out of it quickly enough, as he said: ,,Too many mistakes in my service will only lead to the end of it.''
Natsuko stared at him, not understanding what he was telling her; too many mistakes would only lead to her death. You stood up, silently and slowly, watching Natsuko. What would she do?
Natsuko just stood there, staring at the lord like a scared deer. You then spoke, smoothly, pushing yourself to her side: ,,I'm sorry, my lord. This whole scene is my fault; I angered Natsuko and she was merely answering my remark in a similar manner.''
Lord Sesshomaru shifted his gaze towards you: ,,Was she now,'' you nodded: ,,Yes, my Lord.''
His eyes suddenly held a spark in them, sending your heart racing. Feeling color being added to your chest as your body began feeling heavier, somehow, in a good way. You held his gaze, parting your lips so you could at least try to breathe normally again. The spark in his eyes glowed and he walked closer towards you: ,,And just what did you do to make her riled up enough to go on and call you my "new whore".''
Yeah, what did you do to make Natsuko angry? Sleep with the man she liked. You couldn't say that. You tried one: ,,I may have insulted her.''
An arched eyebrow made his point clear; did you? You bit your lip; fudge! What could you have done to make Natsuko this angry? Lord Sesshomaru asked: ,,You may have, or did you.''
You took a deep breath, hoping lord Sesshomaru did not know his staff very well: ,,I did, my lord. I was frustrated when Natsuko came in here and I insulted her work, seeing it as she was the closest person at the time, and somehow it evolved into calling her a lazy, low-life demon and a bitch, excuse my language. I let out my frustration on her.''
You wanted to hold your breath; so nervous if this was going to work or not. You knew you were a terrible liar, but you still thought that this was a matter of changing the subject and destroying lord Sesshomaru's bad mood rather than anything else.
Lord Sesshomaru looked over at Natsuko, looked and didn't glare. Then he glanced back down to you and asked, a hidden tone of sarcasm in his voice: ,,And if it would have been I coming through that door would you have called me, as you put it, „a bitch".''
You caught yourself staring into his eyes, a smile on your face; was he making a joke? Not a great one, but you still thought it was a joke. You let out a small chuckle: ,,No, my lord. I would most likely have found something fitting for you.''
,,An example.''
You raised your eyebrow, unsure: ,,My lord, would you like for me to be honest?''
,,I do.''
You nodded, humming a bit before you answered: ,,Well, my lord, to be completely honest then, I would most likely have called you a "damn, heartless idiot".''
You gave him the smallest kind of smirk you could muster; you didn't want to seem gleeful. You waited for him to reply, aware that his bad mood was over and you even believed he was slightly amused by your efforts of making the whole thing go away.
You had taken note that Takehiko and Natsuko had backed away from the two of you, unsure of what they were doing. You just watched lord Sesshomaru and what kind of reaction he might have, and couldn't help the smirk getting bigger when he asked with the smallest smirk of his own: ,,I do believe that it was you who so intensely believed me having a heart. Yet you would call me heartless.''
You nodded: ,,Yes, I do believe so, my Lord. I also believe I stated that you simply show it less than the rest of us. But that is of course not mine to know, correct, my lord?''
You looked down to your toes, the intensity of his eyes almost draining your energy. You blushed again, but looked up once he said: ,,No. It is not.''
You nodded again, looking down at your toes: ,,I do hope that my lord will be able to dismiss this matter, this time. I promise this will never happen again.''
,,It better not.''
With that he walked out of the room. You sighed as he disappeared from the door and turned around with a small smirk on your face: ,,Well, that went well, I guess.''
Natsuko stared at you, stunned, until Takehiko hit the back of her head: ,,Stupid! You would have gotten yourself killed if it wouldn't be for her! Thank her!''
You shook your head, thinking back to lord Sesshomaru. You barely believed what had just happened. He made a joke! You called him a damn heartless idiot and you didn't even get punished for it. He almost smirked!
,,Killed?! Was that what it meant?! What?!''
You turned to Natsuko, raising your eyebrow: ,,You really did not see that coming?''
She looked at you, tears in her eyes: ,,Oh gods! And you helped me! After everything I said! Why?!''
You looked at her from the corner of your eye: ,,Why? I don't want you to die; that's why.''
She grabbed your hand and squeezed it lightly: ,,But the things I said . . . !''
You shrugged: ,,As I said; I wasn't listening to you. I just heard bits and pieces.''
She gabbed, gasping: ,,And you called him a heartless idiot . . . !
You nodded: ,,A damn heartless idiot, at that! I think I've almost called him that already, but I did not see it coming that he would let it slide!'' you grabbed her hand back: ,,And by the way, I didn't mean anything of the things I said about you!''
Natsuko shook her head: ,,Oh no, I know they're not true! You basically saved my life!''
You shook your head and told her: ,,Oh, he wasn't being very serious, really, he was obviously in a bad mood and he was annoyed by the scene occurring and you just needed to try and cheer him up a little, sort of, not really though . . .''
Natsuko stared at you: ,,How do you know him so much? How did you know he was not in a good mood? How . . . you are so amazing!''
You blushed and shook your head, receiving a hug and more squabble. Then Takehiko suddenly said loudly: ,,Okay then! Natsuko, we need to work, as the lord put it!''
Natsuko turned to him and glared: ,,I need to see to lady Sayuri! Can't you see that?!''
He stumbled back from the rage suddenly emitting from the reaction to his suggestion. He raised his hands up in acceptance: ,,Fine. You'll have half an hour, maybe.''
She nodded and he bolted out of the room. You glanced at Natsuko again and asked: ,,You need to see to me?''
She nodded and led you to your bed: ,,Well, not really, but I thought you might want to talk a bit.''
You blushed; did she mean about what happened between you and the lord? You cleared your throat: ,,I wasn't supposed to talk about it.''
Natsuko raised her eyebrows: ,,Sayuri, I'm not as young as I seem to be. I'm almost a hundred and thirteen, I'd have you know. I know you must be dying to talk about this, even just a little!''
You bit your lip; well, you did. You were curious if what had happened was normal or not, what you might expect and so on. You had never really talked about sex in any detail and you wondered if it would be alright to talk just to Natsuko.
Finally you smirked, unable to stand the temptation of holding this in. You whispered to her: ,,Fine, but don't you dare tell a soul! The lord will have your head for sure!''
Natsuko laughed, but agreed. You whispered to her some of the stuff, not in much detail, unsure which was too personal and which weren't. Natsuko nodded at times, hummed at other, squealed in delight over other things, but mainly she was quiet and thinking.
In the end you dared to ask her: ,,Do you think this was normal? I mean, have you ever . . . ?''
Natsuko laughed: ,,Sure, sure. But I don't know, Sayuri, normal? Is this ever normal?''
You glared at her, not satisfied with the answer: ,,That's what I was asking.''
She shrugged a bit and told you: ,,I'd like to think that every single time is different and unique, but I guess that's just me.''
You were curious: ,,Is it normal in your world to take this kind of thing lightly? I mean, in the human world you have to get married and you don't do . . . this with anyone else but your husband.''
Natsuko shook her head: ,,No, it's different for us. It's not as serious as you humans seem to look at it,'' she blushed and told you in a low stutter: ,,We have as many "partners" as we want, we do not judge. Some of us do get sometimes some, umh, periods, where this is necessary and that's just a part of nature. This comes natural to us.''
You nodded, feeling a bit sad; this wasn't special to demons? You asked Natsuko and were glad when she shook her head: ,,Don't think that we don't choose partners fairly. Most of us don't do this with just whoever is ready, but actually put a lot of thought into this,'' she nodded and winked at you: ,,And for your information; I know for a fact that the lord has not had a "partner" for about four decades.''
You blushed again and shook you head with a shy smile: ,,That doesn't mean anything, though. It didn't mean anything to him. It shouldn't mean anything to me, then.''
Natsuko opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted by a knock on the door. She jumped up and began fixing your bed, loudly telling you: ,,And if there is anything else I can do for you, Saryuri-san, you will let me know!''
You nodded, watching the door opening slowly after you asked them to come in. Rin's head peaked through the crack of the door, a small smile spreading over her concerned face: ,,Yuri-chan!''
You smiled to her and reached out your hand: ,,Hi, sweetie.''
Her smile broadened and she ran towards you and hugged you: ,,Are you okay?! I wasn't allowed to see you today, but I really wanted to give you a kiss goodnight . . . !''
You smiled at the top of the little girls head and bent down to give it a kiss: ,,Of course you can give me a kiss goodnight! You can always give me a kiss goodnight. And I'm so sorry that I couldn't see you today, I really missed you!''
Rin looked up with a bigger smile and her eyes shone: ,,Really?!''
You nodded, and she continued: ,,I missed you too, Yuri-chan, Jaken was so boring and he didn't want to play at all, and then he had to go and meet with Sesshomaru-sama and I had to be all alone . . .''
You gave her a long, fake gasp: ,,All alone?!''
She nodded and took the chance to try and get you to pity her: ,,Yeah! For a really long time . . .''
You raised your eyebrow and grinned to her: ,,I'm pretty sure you deserved it, am I right? You probably teased him for the whole time!''
The blush creeping over her face made you laugh through her protests, but you kissed her face gently and stroked her hair a few times before you told her: ,,It's okay to tease him a bit, I don't blame you for it! I'd probably have done it too!''
You gave her a long hug before you sent her then off to bed. Natsuko, who had been watching and cleaning for the whole scene smiled at you as Rin skipped out the door: ,,She's really fond of you, Sayuri-san. She never really liked the other babysitters; she never, ever bid them goodnight they way she does you. On the other hand did they never teach her anything, or participate in her games. You do. You're just so full of joy and kindness,'' she looked away from you, which you were glad for. You began feeling your face flushing in embarrassment opening you mouth to ask her to stop when she added: ,,In my opinion you are so pure. I consider myself lucky to have met you and even more fortunate to be able to call you my friend,'' she smiled to you, and walked to the door: ,,But you are tired. I'll leave you now; have a goodnight, Sayuri-san, sleep well.''
She was out the door and had closed it before you could say another word. You stared at the door, scratching your head absentmindedly and you mumbled: ,,She sure can change the mood quickly. Making me all embarrassed . . .''
You moved over to your bed, still feeling sore and tender as you sat down, preparing to finally sleep. You jumped up as a familiar voice said in a low tone: ,,She's right, ya know.''
You sprung up, wincing a bit. You focused at the balconies and rested a hand on your fast-beating heart as you realized it was Kai. You sighed: ,,Kai! You scared me half to death!''
You then realized in what kind of danger he was in by being here and you jumped up: ,,Are you crazy! What are you going here?! You're going to get yourself killed!''
Kai stood just outside the doors to the balconies, peaking in from the moonlight. He glanced around the room, beams of moonlight bouncing off his red hair, making it seem almost black. He walked inside in slow, soundless steps: ,,I don't care, Sayuri. I'd rather die than not being able to tell you how sorry I am.''
You felt confused for a moment; sorry for what? You thought back to when you saw him last, digging through the fresh memory of lord Sesshomaru, finally remembering: ,,Oh, the kiss?''
You felt yourself blush as Kai did the same. He glared at you for a split-second: ,,Yeah, the kiss. What else!''
You nodded, knowing that his outburst was from embarrassment, nothing else. You told him in a low voice, trying to meet him in the room so he would have at least a better chance of escaping if lord Sesshomaru would happen to come by: ,,But Kai, there is nothing to apologize about. Really, things happen. Besides, I'm probably the one who should be apologizing; I just ran away like the stupid child I am!'''
This earned you a chuckle, a smirk and finally headshaking: ,,You are anything but dumb, or a child, Sayuri. You are so much more. You are something so much better than I am.''
You shook your head, remembering Natsuko's words just a minute before: ,,I'm not, Kai. I'm nothing special; just an ordinary human girl.''
Kai shook his head again, his ponytail swinging on his back. The stones embedded in his gloves reflected the bright moonlight as he reached up to push his bangs back: ,,I . . . I thought you didn't come to the forest today because . . . I . . . I don't know . . . I don't know what to say.''
You felt bad for him. You knew that he knew that the kiss in the forest had been a mistake. You knew it had been. You also knew how hard it had to be for him to come here into a feudal lords castle, risking his life trying to utter words which were foreign to him. He wasn't the kind of man who apologized.
You gave him a small smile along with a way out: ,,Don't say anything, then. It's okay.''
He shook his head again, his hand brushing your shoulder lightly: ,,I have never felt like this before. That's saying a lot! I feel like my heart will explode each time I see you, but it skips a beat each time I heard you laugh. When I hear you speak, I just want to listen to you forever. When you're not around I feel like I'm missing something. When you're here, with him I want to steal you away.''
His eyes were fixated on the floor, his head shaking ever so lightly. His hands trembled the tiniest bit so he curled them up before he opened them again, watching the soft leather of his gloves return to normal.
You didn't know what to say. Perhaps you knew he wasn't done, just waited for him to continue. Your heart was beating so slowly, almost stopping. Kai's words continued as his eyes finally met yours, filled with some kind of vulnerability you hadn't seen in anyone's eyes before: ,,This is truly the first time I have felt like this. I've lived a pretty long time, Sayuri, if I were human I would be 80 years old.
I don't know why I have these feelings for you, or how I should make them stop. But I don't want to make them stop.''
You continued to look in his eyes. You couldn't imagine how he must be feeling, how scared he must be to tell you so much of his feeling. Kai hardly ever spoke of his likes or dislikes. He barely ever spoke an honest opinion of anything personal.
Kai's hand on your cheek almost made you jump: ,,I don't expect you to say anything, not even to tell me if you return my feelings or not. But I hope you will.''
This was it. You knew he had said everything he came here to say. It was all up to you now; what could you say?
Your mind raced. Words before you were jumbled and weird, you couldn't find any sentences; nothing came right to your mind. You had nothing to say to him.
Kai's eyes shut down suddenly; emotions were hidden again behind a wall. You sucked in air as he turned away from you, towards the balconies. He spoke again: ,,I remember you telling me that a gipsy told you that on your 16th birthday the moon would be full and would continued to be so for a month afterwards. It's been a week and it's still full. Guess the gipsy was right,'' he turned to look at you, shadow casting over his face: ,,I remember someone telling me though, when a moon is full for such a long time after a birthday or a wedding, the person will live an extraordinary life.''
You began hearing your own breath. It was shaky and you felt the cold. A cloud shadowed the moon and the darkness grew: ,,Kai, wait! Please don't leave like this!''
Kai was still looking out to the fields. He continued walking towards the railing as you spoke: ,,Kai, thank you for your kind words. But please don't look at me that way. I'm not as good as you think I am. I am so flawed, just like everybody else; I'm not worthy of your attention or adoration. I know there is someone out there who does, but I don't think it's me,'' your mind began racing again even though your words were still quiet and calm: ,,I'm sorry that I can't help you with this problem. This is something you have to deal with on your own. The only thing I can advise you is to try your best to stay away from me. Maybe your feelings will go in time. If it will help you can try and find all my flaws, too!'' you smiled when this made Kai turn around and face you with a small smile, walking towards you again. He shook his head and told you in a light voice: ,,No. I can't do that. You're just too nice. I guess I'll just deal with things,'' he glanced out to the fields again, adding in a low voice: ,,But please don't avoid me because of this.''
His face suddenly jerked forward, glaring at something behind you. You felt goose bumps form on the back of your neck and you knew instantly that he was here. His stone cold voice just confirmed it: ,,What is he doing in my residence.''
Your body stiffened by the underlying threat: ,,He's leaving.''
You met Kai's eyes for only an instant. He suddenly leaned down quickly and pecked your lips with a teasing smirk on his face, making you blush and gasp in surprise, before he retreated: ,,See. Too innocent, too,'' then he waved as he jumped from the balconies.
You felt as if your body had been frozen. Your limbs were as heavy as tree trunks, but you felt your lips tremble in fear. How would he react? Would he kill you this time?
Sesshomaru's growl woke your body back to life. You turned around, terrified of what you were going to face, feeling you knees weaken as you saw glowing eyes in the darkening room. You swore you heard thunders from afar, but that may just have been your heartbeat. Your voice played before your ears: ,,My lord, he . . . I . . . I didn't know he was going to . . . I . . .''
Lord Sesshomaru growled for one last time, asking: ,,Was that what he came here for.''
You didn't know what to answer; you didn't know how to answer. You lost the ability to speak, stutters and hiccups the only sounds coming from your lips. Tears began to blur your vision; you were going to die now. A gasping yell was the only sound you were able to muster when he pushed you to the nearest wall, hands griping your throat tightly: ,,Answer me. Do not think that I will be any more lenient simply because of that recent scenario.''
You couldn't breathe. Lord Sesshomaru's hand began tightening around your throat and you felt your feet leaving the ground. You weren't able to make a sound, this time from the lack of air. He lifted you so high up that you were now facing him. Your hands were trying to pull his hand off but you knew it was futile; your heartbeat got louder. You mouthed: ,,Please, stop . . . Sesshomaru . . . !''
You barely heard the lords growl, his golden eyes the only thing you could possibly focus on: ,,Those damn eyes. What is it about them that makes me . . . What is it you know.''
Black spots corrupted your vision. You felt your conscience slip away, just as he let you go. You barely felt the pain when you hit the floor, focusing on getting air back into your lungs. You didn't get much time before he had grabbed your shoulder and pulled you up again and pinched you against the wall: ,,Do you not recall anything I said last night.''
You gasped as he turned you around to slam you against the wall again: ,,No! I don't! I'm sorry!''
He leaned towards you, not crushing you as hard against the wall: ,,Then let me refresh your memory; you are mine. Any man who touches you will be killed by my hand. If you touch another man; I will kill him. No one will touch you but me. Understood.''
You nodded, fighting back a sob: ,,Yes, my lord. But why?!''
Lord Sesshomaru turned you again on your back, his nails digging into the skin on your shoulders again. You groaned when he broke the skin and a tear escaped from your eye and rolled down your cheek as he growled at you: ,,You don't need to know my reasons.''
Another sob; why was he doing this? Why was he hurting you so? He was acting so out of character, so aggressive. You reached up to grasp his hand, trying to loosen his grip. You squeezed his hand, begging: ,,Please, lord Sesshomaru, let me go. You're hurting me!''
Lord Sesshomaru let you go so quickly, as if he had burned himself. Your hand followed, but you quickly let go once you saw his eyes staring at it. Touching your bleeding shoulder lightly: ,,To answer your question, my lord,'' you told him calmly: ,,then Kai came here because of something he did earlier in the forest. It was nothing important and I did ask him to leave right away.''
You looked down at your feet, blush creeping up your neck and to your face: ,,As for that kiss; I don't know why he did it. Maybe he wanted to provoke you, or something. Now, if I may, I would like to clean my scratches, my lord.''
You looked up to his face, wondering if you had gone over the line again. It didn't look like it; his eyes just met yours and you swore you felt like an electric jolt go through your whole body. Your body didn't hurt anymore, your heartbeat was going wild and you saw nothing but lord Sesshomaru's eyes and stars.
A booming sound and a blinding light made you blink. Then the sound of soft rain hitting the ground just by you began. Deafening, soothing and sounded perfect.
You felt so intense; you wanted to melt away the cold ice in his eyes, fill up the emptiness his eyes faked, see his heart. From time to time you could see a shadow of something you imagined to be warm feelings, red hot passion melting away the ice, creating a mist of confusion in his mind.
Your breath quickened, as did his. The booming thunders outside made your body feel even more tingly, heartbeat on secret places and your lips felt filled with blood, just waiting to be kissed.
Their prayers were answered; not a moment later lord Sesshomaru grabbed a fistful of hair from the back of your head, making you look up to him just before his lips closed down on yours.
The kiss felt so intense, his lips soft but demanding, his tongue slid between your lips and the kiss deepened even more.
You rested your hands on his chest, but he wanted more; slamming your body against the wall, your arms locked over your head. The pain was so irrelevant, it felt so good; you moaned and whimpered. His body was pressed to yours and you felt as if someone else was controlling your body. Your legs lifted up and wrapped around his waist and your hands were loose from his grasp and pulled him closer to you. Lord Sesshomaru pulled away from the wall, his hands cupping your bottom, squeezing and slid up your back.
Your kimono rolled up your thighs and you pulled his pants lower; you moaned when you found his hot, hard member, ready for you. He entered quickly and you moaned louder this time, though it was muffled by his lips.
As he moved back and forth he began nibbling at your lips, then lowering his lips down to your neck. You moved your hips, hitting the wall again, seeing stars from the pain and pleasure mixing in your body. Out of the blue you came. Soon lord Sesshomaru moaned, signaling you that he has finished himself off as well.
For a while the two of you didn't move. You tried to catch your breath, your throat feeling soar. Heck your whole body felt soar. You slid your legs down from his hips and landed safely on the ground. No words were spoken, the silence was deep. You glanced at the door; pure luck that Rin hadn't walked in on you. You didn't dare to look up at his face, too embarrassed over what had happened, how you had acted, to even think of facing him yet.
You fixed your kimono and watched his feet disappear from before you: ,,You will not mention this to anyone.''
You nodded: ,,I won't, my lord.''
You had looked up from the floor, fixing your hair a bit and watched his back. He had stopped and glanced back: ,,That half-demon touched you in the forest.''
You didn't see why you should lie, let alone that you could lie, so you just nodded as you blushed: ,,Yes, my lord. It was a kiss. It was before our . . . first physical engagement. It didn't matter; I didn't consent to it. I ran away and I hadn't seen him since.''
Lord Sesshomaru didn't answer just began walking towards the door again. As he opened the door he said in such a low voice you barely heard it: ,,Have a good night, Sayuri.''
You couldn't help the shy smile exploding on your face when you heard him say your name: ,,Good night, lord Sesshomaru!''
He closed the door without looking back, but you didn't mind. Lord Sesshomaru had at least come out of is shell a tiny bit, making you feel like flying from happiness. You just hoped that you could help him more with it.
You felt sleepiness drawl over you and it was almost as if the bed was calling you to it, but you knew that you had to wash up as soon as you could; or else all hell would break loose again.
The bath was quick, your eyes grew heavy. The bed welcomes you a few minutes later, a smile stuck on your lips as you slowly drifted into you heavy sleep, exhausted after the emotional roller coaster of the last two days.