AN: I wanted to thank every single one of you for reading this story. I love hearing from all of you! Please please please let me know what you think!
The last hunt that Sam had been on was killing the demon that told him that his brother had functioned as a play thing for demons while he had been in hell. That was the last time Dean didn't have a panic attack at the very mention of Sam leaving without him. The thing was, Dean refused to go far from the little run down house they had made their home. It took three hours to get him in the car to go to the store just to stock up on food. It took another three hours to get him to sit at a bar while Sam hustled for food money.
It was midnight and Sam couldn't recall the last time he had slept. Couldn't recall the last time Dean had slept.
"Dean, dude. You need sleep. I need sleep. Come on." Dean didn't move from his position at the window his eyes remained fixed on a point out in the middle of nowhere, blinking was rare, and moving was even more rare. Resigned to the fact that Dean wasn't going to move without prompting, Sam pulled his heavy six foot four frame from the floor and shuffled to his brother. He grabbed Dean's arm and Dean violently pulled away.
"No." he said clearly.
"Dean. You need sleep."
"Leave me alone."
"Dean." There was no response. Sam grabbed his arm again and before Sam knew what was going on Dean grabbed his arm and he threw Sam down on the ground and had a knife to his throat. Dean looked fierce, fiercer than he had been since he returned from hell. Sam swallowed and felt the knife shave a layer of skin off of his neck.
"Leave me alone Sam."
"No." Sam said without fear. There was no fear any longer, only helpless despair. Fear had been when he had lost his brother, fear had been trying to dig Dean out of hell, fear had been taking his soul out of his body and sending it down into hell to retrieve his brother's broken and battered soul. A clump of hair, shorter than the rest, fell into his brother's face. "You need to talk to me Dean." Dean swallowed and dug the knife into Sam's neck a fraction more and blood leaked from the wound.
Dean's eyes widened just a touch. The smell of his brother's blood had reached his nose and the smell sent him back, sent him back to a place where the scent of blood was all around, human blood that was mixed with something darker, wrong "What? You going to slit my throat? Going to kill me? Then what? Are you going to sit by that window, stare into the great wide nothing and wait to die?" Sam's voice rose with each question, becoming more forceful and angry. "I did not march into hell only for you to let yourself die. You are not going to waste my efforts just because you don't want to deal with what happened to you." Dean's breath was coming faster and harder, his eyes were fixed and his pupils huge, Sam noted that the hand holding the knife against his throat was shaking. Dean was getting ready for a breakdown. Sam just hoped that the breakdown would start only when he had moved the knife away from his throat.
"You have no idea." Dean said in a whisper as he shook his head. More hair fell from the leather strap that was trying in vein to keep all of Dean's thick brown hair back, making Dean look more like a scared child rather than a hardened hunter. In one sudden movement Dean rolled away from Sam taking the knife with him. "You have no idea Sam. Just leave it alone." Dean said laying on his back, chest heaving with unshared emotion, knife clattering against the hardwood floor as he put his hands to his eyes trying to keep the light and Sam out. Sam would not be as easily swayed as the light.
He too remained on his back and he starred at the ceiling. "I have an idea Dean. The demon told me some of it." He said in a sense repeating what he had said earlier in the week. "I know what they did to your hand." Dean began to shake. "I know what they did once that didn't frighten you anymore." Tears streamed down Dean's face. He didn't, couldn't, take his hands from his face, meet Sam's gaze, couldn't face Sam's gaze, couldn't confirm that he was disgusted by his lack of courage, he couldn't face the light. "You are the bravest person I know Dean." Sam said simply choosing his words carefully. "Please talk to me." he said softly.
Dean didn't believe his brother's words. All of his time in hell had taught him to be wary of everyone. Especially if they were a demon. And Sam was the anointed child of the yellow eyed demon.