A/N: Thank you for your continuous support, and my apology for the long wait. As I often say, romance isn't exactly my forte in writing, so the installment is a little bit of a pain to write. I do hope that you'll enjoy the way this turn out, but in any case please feel free to comment and criticize.
11: Spring, Cloud and Promise
The Hollow stretched himself and let out a long yawn before he walked out of one of the windows of one of many skyscrapers which were located in Ichigo's inner world. He furrowed his white brows as he came out and found the whole world being darkened by thick clouds that blocked the sun from the sky. While it had yet to rain, it looked like it could rain at any given moment.
Although it took him more than just a little while to search for his sole companion in that world, the Hollow managed to find the old man Zangetsu standing on a hilt of a katana at the side of one building. Despite the whole world being darkened by the clouds, Zangetsu still wore his shades as though the darkness did not bother him at the slightest.
"Oi, Zangetsu, what's with all the dark clouds here?" the Hollow inquired. "It was still all bright and sunny when I went inside to take my nap."
Zangetsu turned toward the Hollow before he explained in a bored tone as though he was talking about a commonly known fact:
"You must have slept for a long time, then. The world has been foggy since Ichigo realized he has a feeling for Kuchiki Byakuya. It only turns cloudy now because he has just confessed said feeling."
The Hollow didn't look impressed by the explanation.
"Oh, has he, finally? Took him long enough," the Hollow commented with a half shrug. "Still, what's with these clouds? I wouldn't be surprised if the sky turned all pink with fluffy heart-shaped clouds or if the whole world would have already been submerged. Not that I would prefer to live in either set up, mind you, but a cloudy world? Really?"
"Well, Kuchiki Byakuya has yet to reply, but let's just say Ichigo believes he's going to be rejected," Zangetsu said before he looked away from the Hollow and then focus his eyes on the dark cloud that was covering half of the inner world. "After all, he always believed that Kuchiki Byakuya would never return his feeling, and if it wasn't out of an impulse, he would probably have never confessed at all."
The Hollow rolled his eyes. The expression on his colorless face said that he couldn't be more annoyed at the man he dubbed as the king.
"Seriously, the king just worries too much for his own good," the Hollow observed. "If it were me, I'd just jump the guy and get it over with. If it fails, at least I'll get a good battle out of it."
Zangetsu gave the Hollow a side glance.
"Not everything is as simple as you make it out to be."
Again, the Hollow rolled his yellow eyes upward.
"What's not simple about this?"
Zangetsu turned to the Hollow once again, and then stared at him through the shade.
"For a start, both Ichigo and Kuchiki Byakuya are male."
The Hollow furrowed his brows. "Yeah, so? What's the problem with that?"
The zanpakutō sighed softly before he shook his head.
"You may find no problem with that, but unlike you, people don't just live their lives according to their instincts. There are certain social standards to follow."
The Hollow shrugged and made a face that said he couldn't care less about humans' rules.
"Their losses."
Zangetsu made no attempt to say whether he agreed or disagreed with the comment. He simply went on and explained:
"Anyhow, Kuchiki Byakuya is man who is bounded by every rule and custom that his world has to offer. I doubt he would be too thrilled about being confessed to by a man."
"Huh? Really? But he kinda looks like he's also interested in the king to me."
"That may be the case," Zangetsu said noncommittally, "but is this interest of his enough to make him throw away all the rule books?"
The Hollow shrugged as if to say he had no idea about that either.
"Who knows? That guy is pretty much a paradox wrapped in an enigma," the Hollow commented. With a smirk, he added, "Though I had a feeling he would look much better wrapped in a birthday suit."
Zangetsu furrowed his brows slightly as he looked at the Hollow.
"Must you always have a dirty mind?"
"What can I say? I'm the king's primal instinct. I want what he wants, though in a rawer and less refined way, and I'm telling you, old man, since our first meeting, I've always wanted a piece of that Shinigami," he admitted, then with yet another smirk, he added, "in one way or another."
Zangetsu narrowed his eyes and looked at Ichigo's Hollow side warily.
"And you wonder why Ichigo was reluctant to accept that you are a part of him."
The Hollow chuckled.
"He just envies my ability to express myself clearly," he explained. "Still, it's too bad I'm not the one who's running the show, so all we can do is waiting for the result."
Zangetsu nodded to show his agreement on the part that they would have to wait and see if their world would be submerged under water yet again.
Just as Zangetsu and the Hollow were sitting back and watching the event unfold from within Ichigo's inner world, the Substitute Shinigami had a feeling that his face was probably switching colors like a police siren, as it would turn red from the blushing and then blue from the suffocating feeling that was caused by the long silence that occurred right after he had told Byakuya that he liked the man in a romantic sense.
After everything was said, Ichigo couldn't help thinking that he had, once again, got himself into a predicament just because he couldn't control his impulse. However, because what had already been said could not be unsaid, all he could do was waiting nervously for the consequences of his confession.
In any cheesy, cliché, romance novel; Byakuya would have broken into tears and told Ichigo that he also felt the same and had been waiting for Ichigo to make the first move just because he didn't have the courage to confess first. Then they would share a passionate, dramatic kiss before they lived happily ever after. However, since Ichigo's life was nothing like a life of a lead character in a cheesy, cliché, romance novel; Ichigo expected the nobleman to freak out, call him crazy and then tell him to get lost before he unsheathed Senbonzakura and diced him with it just to show that he could never return Ichigo's affection. At best, Byakuya would turn him down gently and say that he wished them to remain friends, yet even if that would be the case, Ichigo was sure their relationship would not be able to remain in the same way as it had been before he confessed.
While Ichigo was bracing himself for a heartbreak to come, Byakuya simply blinked once and looked away as if to try to find the best way to react. It took him a long moment until he finally turned his eyes back to Ichigo. Although Ichigo couldn't interpret the look behind those slate eyes, he could still tell that it wasn't a look of disgust or fury, which was enough to ease Ichigo's nerves if only for a short moment.
"Thank you," Byakuya finally spoke after a long pregnant pause. The tone of his voice gave away nothing about what the nobleman was actually thinking at that moment.
"Thank you?" Ichigo repeated. He believed he had thought of all possible responses he could get from Byakuya, but he certainly did not expect that the nobleman would thank him for the confession.
Byakuya nodded once.
"It is very flattering to know that a remarkable person such as yourself should harbor some kind of affection for me," the nobleman explained before he turned and began walking slowly away from the hall.
Ichigo quickly followed Byakuya down the stone pavement, knowing that their conversation was still far from over. What he didn't know, however, was what else Byakuya planned to say after that line.
"But I'm a man," Ichigo pointed when he sensed that Byakuya wasn't going to say anything further.
"I know," Byakuya replied without turning to look at Ichigo. He simply kept on walking.
"And you're also a man."
"I am well aware of that also."
Still, Byakuya kept on walking, and Ichigo wasn't sure if the man simply wanted to discuss this matter away from the hall where the souls of his late wife and ancestors could be watching, or he was just trying to walk away from that conversation. In any case, Ichigo simply kept walking to catch up with the man.
"Then shouldn't you at least act a little more surprised?" Ichigo wondered.
Byakuya stopped walking before he turned to Ichigo and replied, "I would if I was, but the truth is I have, at times, considered the possibility that you might have harbored a romantic feeling for me."
Ichigo widened his eyes. He never thought that Byakuya could have suspected anything about his feeling. After all, Ichigo had only realized it in their previous meeting, and he didn't think there was anything that he had done to make it so obvious to Byakuya.
"Then why didn't you say anything before?" Ichigo asked. "I mean, doesn't that thought bother you at all?"
Byakuya sighed softly at the question. Then, instead of giving Ichigo a full explanation as to why he chose not to mention it, he replied with a question of his own.
"And if that thought was completely incorrect, what would be your reaction?" Ichigo grimaced in response, so Byakuya continued, "From the way I see it, you would either deny or admit it. In former case, you would think I was either a little too conceited or very much out of my mind, and then we might be able to laugh it off and pretend that I never mentioned it; whereas in the latter case, we would be having this conversation, which, to be honest, is a conversation I wish we would never have to have."
Ichigo looked down and his face fell, since he could only interpret Byakuya's word in one way.
"So you can't return my feeling?"
Byakuya looked away from Ichigo before he closed his eyes and replied:
"If there was no chance that I would think of you in that sense, do you reckon that I would have entertained the notion that you might have a feeling for me to begin with?"
Ichigo turned his head up and stared at Byakuya with his eyes widened. If it was not because of a troubled expression that was on the Shinigami's face, he would have thought that Byakuya was having a good time sending his heart on a roller coaster.
"Then what do you mean?"
Byakuya sighed. Once again, he averted his eyes from Ichigo and cast them on the garden.
"Do you know that everything has its place and time?" Byakuya asked, not answering Ichigo's prior question. "Like that plum tree over there," he said, motioning to a tree that just began to blossom, "it can only be grown in Seireitei and it can only blossom in early spring."
Ichigo blinked twice. He simply didn't know how Byakuya managed to shift the subject of their conversation from one of romance to one of gardening.
"Um... okay?" Ichigo replied, not quite sure what kind of message the noble lord was trying to convey.
"The same goes to romance," Byakuya continued, still keeping his eyes on the tree. "Even if the feelings were there, it would still not be fruitful to start anything when the timing is not right. And unfortunately, now is not the right timing for us."
"Why?"
Again, Lord Kuchiki sighed.
"If I am getting ahead of myself here, then I apologize," he said, "but I assume you did not only confess just so I would be aware of your feeling, but also because you want our relationship to evolve into a romantic kind?"
Ichigo confirmed Byakuya's point with a nod.
"Isn't that the usual expectation when one confesses?" the teen returned.
The Shinigami could only nod in agreement. He then began to walk once again, not because he wanted to get out of that conversation but rather because the action often helped to ease his mind when he was most agitated.
"Do you know what differentiates relationships between that of friends and that of lovers?" Byakuya asked without any preamble. He then stopped walking once he stood under one plum tree. He turned to look at Ichigo, who was standing just half a step behind him. "And before you get any ideas, I'm not talking about physical relations."
Ichigo's face turned as red as a ripe strawberry at Byakuya's last sentence, which Byakuya would have been amused by the reaction had they not been in a rather serious conversation.
"Of course you're not," Ichigo muttered, still blushing at the mental images that entered his head right after Byakuya mentioned physical relations.
"I'm talking about certain expectations you would have for those you are in a romantic relationship with," Byakuya clarified passively as if he did not notice Ichigo's reaction.
"I don't know what you are looking for, Ichigo," the nobleman said, "but if I were to start a new romance, I'd want to do so with someone who I can share the rest of my future with. However, right now, you and I are living in literally two different worlds. My life is here in Soul Society while yours is in the World of the Living, and I don't see how we can fit into each other's lives this way."
Having said that, Byakuya sighed again. Then he continued just before Ichigo could make any comeback:
"You might say you can come around and pay a visit every now and again just like what you've been doing since you regained your Shinigami power, but soon your life would get busier and you are deemed to meet with new people along the way, some of which you might actually be able to share your dreams and your life with in a way that you would not be able to do with me now. Eventually we will grow apart and we would find ourselves wondering why we even started a relationship to begin with."
Ichigo narrowed his eyes as he stared at the side of Byakuya's face. The look in his chocolate eyes was a mix of pain and bitterness.
"You don't trust that my feeling is strong enough to get past that?" Ichigo asked; his voice raw.
"I do not doubt the strength of your feeling, Ichigo," Byakuya said, turning to meet Ichigo's eyes. "It is my own heart that I do not trust."
Ichigo blinked at that. "Meaning?"
"You know I was in love once?" Byakuya stated as he once again turned away from Ichigo and then tilted his head up to look at one branch of the plum tree.
"With Rukia's biological sister, Hisana-san," Ichigo said.
Byakuya nodded as if to confirm the fact.
"That love has left my heart rather scarred," the nobleman continued softly.
"Because of her untimely death?"
"That, and the fact that my love was never fully returned," Byakuya replied. Although there was a hint of sadness in his eyes, he didn't sound bitter.
Ichigo widened his eyes in surprised. He had always assumed it was some kind of great love story of a man and a woman who were from two different social standings. He had always believed that the pair would have to be very much in love because he couldn't see why Byakuya would have gone against all the rules so that they could be together otherwise.
"But I thought—"
"I would like to believe that she did love me in her own way. She was simply incapable of admitting so to me or to herself because her heart was eaten away by her regrets and she felt she did not deserve to be happy or to be in love after all the wrongs she had done in her past," Lord Kuchiki said. "But even with that thought, it still pained me when the last thing she said to me before she passed was her apology that she could not return my love."
Ichigo narrowed his eyes. He wouldn't pretend that he understood the pain, since he had never had that kind of experience.
"I don't want to go through with that again, Ichigo," Byakuya stated, "to let myself fall without any restraint just to hit the bottom without anyone there to catch me."
"You know I'm not her, right?"
Byakuya nodded.
"I know," he said, "and because of that, I can't accept your feeling now, for if I do, I'll certainly let a dark, possessive side of me creep up, and then I'll spend the rest of your human life, wondering if someday you'll meet someone else who you can actually share your life and dreams with and then you'll have a change of heart, or worse, I'd start to wish for your untimely death."
Ichigo found himself astounded by the words.
"You could just save us the trouble and ask me to stay here with you, you know?"
Byakuya shook his head.
"It would be easy for me to ask," he agreed, "but it would also be selfish and irresponsible. Trust me, Ichigo, even if you feel you could leave everything behind without any hesitation today, you would come to regret that decision sooner or later. And when that time come, you would hate me for that decision, if not, then you would hate yourself for it, and I don't want that to happen."
Ichigo furrowed his brows before he asked, "But you think I wouldn't regret giving up on you?"
Byakuya widened his eyes slightly before he closed them. It seemed to Ichigo that the nobleman couldn't quite answer that question.
Ichigo narrowed his eyes slightly as he took his time to think everything through. Then he nodded, giving Byakuya a look that he usually wore when he thought he had an upper hand on his adversary. After all, he had known Byakuya well enough to realize that sometimes what the Shinigami didn't say meant just as much if not more than what he had spoken aloud.
"Fine, Byakuya, I respect your stand in this matter," Ichigo said with finality in his tone, "but you'll also have to respect that as long as you don't make it clear that you'll never be able to return my feeling, then I'm not going to give up on you either."
Byakuya's eyes snapped open at Ichigo's remark, and Ichigo could see a genuine concern there.
"Don't worry, Byakuya, I'm not planning to do anything drastic like killing myself so that I can be together with you because even if I do that, it would prove nothing other than that I'm a stupid kid who can't see more than a few second ahead," the Substitute Shinigami said, "I'll go and live my life like you want me to, but I'll also prove to you that my feeling is not just an infatuation that will easily fade with time or disappear once I meet someone new."
"That is not something that can easily be proved."
"I know," Ichigo replied, "but I'm pretty persistent myself. Besides, I've got a feeling that despite everything you said before, you didn't really want me to give up on you either."
The comment made the corners of Byakuya's mouth curved slightly upward into a small smile that Ichigo wouldn't have noticed if he didn't know the nobleman's expression so well.
"Sometimes you are too observant for your own good, Ichigo."
Although it was not a straight answer, Ichigo decided he had enough clues to believe that he stood a chance, and in a way, that was more than he dared to hope for.
Meanwhile, back in the inner world, Zangetsu and the Hollow watched as the sky seemed to clear up slightly that they could see some light behind those clouds.
"Hmm, looks like I still don't have to dig out my raincoat, after all," the Hollow commented as he tilted his head up to the sky.
Zangetsu nodded in agreement.
"I doubt our world will be bright and sunny again all that soon, but at least this is a good start."
The Hollow shrugged.
"Yeah, well, it'd probably take a long time for that. The guy is Kuchiki Byakuya, after all," he commented. "Sometimes I wonder why the king is such a glutton for punishment."
"Maybe Ichigo just likes a challenge," Zangetsu offered.
"Or he's a masochist," the Hollow pointed. "Either way, it's way too dull out here so I'm gonna go back to sleep. Wake me up when the sky is clear again, old man."
With that, the Hollow waved Zangetsu goodbye before he disappeared back into the skyscraper that he had come out from earlier that morning, leaving the zanpakutō to watch over Ichigo's inner world by himself once again.