Authors Note: Thanks so much to Saltypepper, Suki-chan36, xXEarlyDeathXx and xo-emma-ox for reviewing the last chapter! I think this chapter is...interesting :) Please read and enjoy!
When I woke up the next morning, Cliff was still asleep. I decided to sneak out of the room quietly, so I didn't wake him. He needed all the rest he could get. Besides, he looked so cute sleeping…
Stop it, Gray! I scolded myself. Stop thinking those things!
I walked down the streets, wondering where I should go. I had woken up early because that's what I was used to, but I couldn't go to work, I still didn't want to face my grandfather. I couldn't go to the library, who knows what Mary would say to me. I didn't want to go anywhere near Rose Square where Cliff had fainted…
I looked up and saw I had arrived at the church. At least my feet knew what they were doing.
I walked in and saw Carter reading from a bible in the back of the church.
Cliff told me he always talks to Carter when he has a problem… I thought. And Carter did say I was always welcome here…
"Carter!" I called out, beginning to make my way over to him.
"Gray," He greeted with a small nod, his face showing a little confusion, but it was still friendly. "How are you?" He voice turned to concern. "How is Cliff? I didn't hear about what happened until after the clinic closed, and by the time I went to see him yesterday, he was already gone!"
"He's fine," I assured him, thinking back to Cliff's angelic, sleeping face... "But…Cliff is kind of the reason I came here."
"Yes?" Carter prodded.
"Well, Cliff says he always talks to you when he has a problem…and I, well, kind of have one. I was wondering if you could maybe give me some advice?" I asked nervously.
"Advice?" Carter repeated.
"Yes," I confirmed. "You see…" I gulped. "I…love Cliff. And I don't know what to do about it." It felt good to finally say it out loud. 'I love Cliff'.
"All right, so what exactly is the problem? Are you worried about how you feel about him?" He inquired.
"You mean the fact that I'm gay? I don't have a problem with that." I told him.
"So your worried about how Cliff feels." It was more of a statement than a question.
I nodded. "I think that me acting like we're more than friends added to his stress which caused him to collapse," I prayed that I Carter didn't think I sounded stupid. "It makes me feel really guilty. I'm trying to control how I feel, but I just can't. And I can't tell him how I feel, because that would ruin our friendship."
"I think you and Cliff have a strong enough friendship that this wouldn't come between it," Carter said. "Maybe you should just tell him how you feel about him. Wouldn't that make you feel better? And, who knows? Maybe he feels the same way."
"He doesn't." I denied. He couldn't.
"How can you know for sure?" Carter asked. "You'll never know if you don't ask."
I shook my head. "I do know." I insisted.
"Well," He started. "You have two options. You can tell him, and maybe he will or maybe he won't feel the same way. If he does, that's great. If he doesn't, at least you got it off your chest and you two can still be best friends. Your second option is to never tell him, and there's no chance of anything ever happening, and you'll have to deal with never knowing for your whole life."
I grinned up miserably at him. "You really make things seem bleak when you put it like that." I told him.
He laughed. "I'm only telling the truth," He assured me. "I speak from experience."
"Really?" I asked, curious.
He nodded. "When I was younger, about your age, there was a girl that I was in love with. We were very good friends, and I didn't think she'd ever feel the same way about me. So, I never told her how I felt. I watched her marry, have a child, and die. I always regretted never telling her." He frowned at the memory.
"I'm sorry," I told him. "How did she die?"
He smiled sadly at me. "You know that, Gray." He whispered.
I looked at him, confused, for a few moments, trying to figure out what he was trying to say. My eyes widened in surprise when I did. "Mom…?"
He nodded. "She was a wonderful woman."
I sat there, staring at the floor, taking in what he had told me. "Yeah, she was." I said automatically, lost in my own memories of her. She had died when I was so young…I didn't have much time with her at all.
I stood to my feet and smiled at Carter. "Thanks, Carter. You were really helpful." I said.
"Anytime." He told me.
I walked outside, stopping at the graveyard. I thought about it for a few moments before finally deciding on pacing back over and visiting my mother's grave. I didn't usually like to go to her grave because I didn't like thinking about her death.
I stood in front of it, studying the cracked and worn headstone. I ran my fingers over the engraved words.
I miss you, mom. I allowed tears to brim in my eyes. I wish you were here now.
I missed her so much, but just standing there made me feel a little better. It's like I could feel her presence around me, felt like she was telling me that everything would work out, it would all be okay.
Before I departed back down the road, I looked back at the grave. See you later, mom. I thought, smiling sadly.