-- I know, I know... It's been forever again. Can I plead total and absolute laziness? Please? Lol No honestly, I've just been so tired lately (Stupid colds) and haven't gotten anything done, much less putting this up so I'm sowwi :( Do you still love me? -Puppy eyes- Please please? Hehe --

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Chapter 11: Building Of Guilt

Horns blared on the busy New York City street as Crimson casually crossed through traffic and just as casually flicked off the drivers without even sparing them a passing glance. As he neared the precinct, he passed around to the side of the building where he knew Berkley's office was stationed, his pace slowing slightly. Until now, he'd always stayed on the other side of the street or at least behind the fence surrounding the building but today he wanted a closer look at how his prey acted when he didn't know his stalker was around so creeping next to the window seemed the safest way to not be seen. A flicker of movement from another window caught his eye as he crept along but he disregarded it, too anxious to see Berkley to care. The peace his dreams had brought him still lingered in his mind and now he was curious to see not only how Berkley was acting, but how is own self would act as well.

Lately he'd been having problems because Berkley's blinds were always shut, but today they were open enough to let in the dazzling morning sunlight... And enough for Crimson to peek through. He grinned despite himself once he spotted his prey and almost immediatly he felt a sense of peace fill his body that he'd never felt before accepting the job from the old fool in the alleyway. Placing one hand on the glass, he stared through the blinds as Berkley looked over the paperwork on his desk and sipped at his coffee. As he watched, he realized there were so many things about the man he'd never noticed before... The way the sunlight caught in his blonde hair, making it shimmer like the finest gold... The way his shirt moved over his back as he wrote... The way his eyes turned to melted honey in the daylight...

He snapped out of his thoughts at that as he realized Berkley was staring back at him from his desk. For several moments that seemed like hours they stayed there, Berkley in his chair and Crimson with his hand on the window, honey and ice meeting in a silent conversation that was kept silent from their owners. Finally Berkley got up and went to the window, pulling up the blinds fully so they could see each other better. Crimson backed away slowly, dropping his hand as Berkley pulled open the window before letting his own hands drop to his pants pockets. Their stare-off continued for another full minute before Crimson turned his gaze away, another thing to add to the list of things he'd never done before meeting Berkley.

"I was hoping you wouldn't notice me..." He muttered softly and Berkley shrugged.

"Just cause I'm tired doesn't mean my senses are dead."

Crimson nodded as images of Berkley tossing in his bed filled his mind and a strange feeling took over him, something he recognized but hadn't felt for years. He felt... Guilty. Staring at the dark circles under the other's eyes and seeing the tired way he was holding himself actually made him feel guilty.

~"Yep, definatly something wrong with me..."~ He thought to himself as he cleared his throat. "So... Were you able to sleep alright last night?"

~"Could you maybe sound a little more like you don't care?!"~ His mind scolded as Berkley shrugged again and sat in the chair by the window.

"No, and I suppose I have you to thank for that. I wish you'd just kill me already and leave me in peace..."

The hopeless plea hidden in that single statement jabbed at Crimson's heart and hurt worse then any physical injury he could think of ever having.

"...I'm sorry..." He heard himself whisper, causing the other to turn his head in surprise.

"You...what...?" Berkley asked, not believing what he thought he'd just heard. Surely he hadn't... Apologized? Crimson hung his head slightly and slid his suddenly shaky hands into the pockets of his trenchoat, taking a deep breath before plunging on.

"I'm sorry... For all of this. For keeping you up at night, for stalking you... Hell, for accepting this job in the first place. Just.. Everything..."

In those rushed and breathless words, Berkley heard something he rarely ever heard from criminals and certainly never expected to hear from one of New York's most notorious gang leaders. He heard regret... Honest and pure. He could always tell when the bad guys were just sucking up with their apologies... It was a trait he'd learned fast and was one of the many that had always made him a good cop. There were rare times though, when he'd come across someone who had murdered or kidnapped or whatnot and had later come to him crying and begging for forgiveness because they couldn't stand the thought of what they'd done. Often times, those people were allowed to go out (supervised, of course) and travelled to juvenile halls, schools, and other jails to speak about what they had done, why they regretted it and why no one should ever, ever do what they had done. And now, as Berkley stared at this young gang leader in utter disbelief, his instincts as a cop were telling him that he was, indeed, regretfull of what he'd done. There was a certain air of honesty and relief flowing between them that he'd never felt from him before and he sighed softly, raking a hand through his blonde hair.

"You know, for someone who's been threatening to kill me, you're sure being nice all of the sudden. Why the change of heart?"

Crimson shrugged slightly, one hand reaching up to push a strand of hair behind his ears. It was a nervous gesture that Berkley recognized and he had to supress a small smile as the younger began to explain.

"I don't know..." He started, his gaze cast down towards the windowsill. "I guess I kinda started to realize last night. I sat outside your window for hours just watching you sleep and it somehow... Calmed me, I guess is the right word. I dunno... Maybe I'm just losing my mind."

Berkley exhaled sharply in humor and shook his head.

"Well the fact that you were outside my house doesn't surprise me at all. In fact, it explains why I was so jittery all and as for losing your mind, I believe that happened a long time ago."

Crimson laughed nervously, a soft sound that brought another smile to his lips, one that this time he didn't try to conceal. A comfortable silence fell between them and Crimson raised his gaze to the other once more. His eyes, Berkley noticed, weren't actually all that cold when he wasn't glaring, though he thought a softer color would look much nicer on him... Green maybe, or brown...

"Commissioner?"

Berkley snapped out of his thoughts and quickly turned to find one of the dispatchers standing in the doorway.

"Yes, what is it?" He asked, almost a little too quickly. If the other noticed though, she didn't mention anything.

"Someone here to see you, sir. I believe they have some information about one of your cases."

Berkley nodded and swiped his hand through his hair, a habit he blamed on Dee.

"Give me a few moments please, then send them in."

"Yes, sir."

"Sorry about that..." Berkley began as he turned back around but stopped mid-sentence and looked around quickly. "Crimson...?" He called softly out the window but was met only with the sounds of the restless city. Crimson, once again, was gone.

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-- Next two chapters coming soon so be sure to let me know if you still love me!! Lol --