AMBUSHED

Setting: after S06/E08 War At Home

I was helping my nephew wash his hands at the bathroom sink when I heard a knock at my front door. "Can you get that?" I called to my sister. We were expecting her husband, Mike.

"Again?" Jonathan held out his hands for another squirt of liquid soap. He loved to make big soap suds, and I didn't mind. It was worth the wet, bubbly mess to get him clean, not to mention the fun of watching the three-year-old enjoy such a simple task. He always does wonders for my morale.

"Come on, buddy," I said to Jonathan. "Let's get you rinsed off so you can go see Daddy." I dried his hands and sent him running out while I wiped down the sink, mirror and floor where he'd splashed.

The disappearance of Deputy Commissioner Dockerty's daughter had pulled me from my family's Thanksgiving dinner. I'd worked pretty much non-stop, so I'd also missed my traditional Black Friday shopping outing with my sister. The tragic ending to the search was depressing on many levels, and my partner had made it all worse with his juvenile behavior.

On top of all that stress was Captain Ross and his completely un-subtle style... I was doing my best to forget the whole weekend, but my anger had followed me home.

When Jackie called to suggest dinner on Tuesday night, I'd smiled for the first time since the call-out on Thursday morning. We often went out together on my days off; Jackie would bring Jonathan to my apartment in the afternoon, and Mike would meet us there after work. It never mattered to me whether we went to a restaurant or had take-out food, as long as I had time with my special little guy.

After I got the bathroom presentable I ducked into my bedroom. I could hear Jackie's voice and Jonathan's giggle. I brushed my hair and took my time to give them a chance to welcome Mike.

When I finally walked out, my jaw must have nearly hit the floor. It wasn't Mike, but Bobby! He was holding my nephew in his arms; Jonathan was showing off his current favorite toy, a bright green plush turtle.

Didn't Bobby have a clue he was the last person I wanted to see at my apartment today? He'd acted like a complete idiot from the first moment he showed up at the Dockertys' home. Yes, I knew his mom was pushing all his buttons every chance she got, but didn't he at least know I was on his side? I'd covered for him, and in return he sulked and told me to back off. Me!

I was not in the mood to hear a Goren apology: half-hearted, mumbled and inadequate.

"Alex, look who's here," Jackie said. She grabbed my arm and pulled me forward. "It's Uncle Bobby!"

Jonathan waved his stuffed turtle at me and echoed his mom with a big smile. "Unca Bobby!" He turned to Bobby and said, "Okay, down?" Once he was on the floor he trotted to the corner of the living room where I kept a small stash of his toys.

I forced a smile onto my face and said, "Hey." That was all I was going to do – the rest was up to Bobby.

He looked me in the eye for half a second, and then went into his routine: rub the back of his neck, look at the floor, shift his feet, look at me again.

Jackie was getting more curious by the second. I was afraid to guess where her imagination was flying.

Finally Bobby spoke. "I, um... I left my, my..." His hands waved aimlessly.

"Leather folder?" I asked. "I locked it in my desk after you... uh..." How should I describe his outrageous exit from the squad room?

"Yeah, after I left," he said. At least Bobby knew enough to look embarrassed.

"You don't need it now, do you?" It would have served him right if I'd pitched his precious folder in the trash after he stormed out, leaving all the booking paperwork to me and Captain Ross.

"No, I just... Okay, good. Thanks, uh, thanks." Bobby was so restless that I started feeling itchy, too.

Jonathan returned with a little dump truck. "Mama, look! Truck!"

Jackie patted his head. "That's great, honey." She looked back and forth between Bobby and me. "If you two need to talk about... work or whatever..." There was that mischievous look of hers! "You go on into the kitchen," she said, "and I'll stay here with this kiddo."

I didn't want a private conversation with Bobby, but maybe it would get him out of here faster. I'd deal with my sister's over-eager assumptions later. "Okay, fine," I said, and immediately pivoted and walked into the kitchen.

Bobby shuffled after me. I leaned against the counter as I waited for him to speak. When he started to rub his neck, I held up my hand and said, "Please, don't." I couldn't stand to watch his restless fidgeting again. "Did you come about your binder? Because..."

"Uh, not really," he said quietly. "I..." He took a deep breath. "I need to apologize."

"Yes...?" I crossed my arms over my chest. Bobby could infer anything he liked from my body language. An apology was good, but there had to be more than a few words. Half-finished sentences and mournful looks weren't going to melt my heart.

"You're angry at me," he said.

"You think?"

He blinked for a second, then nodded and shoved his hands into his pockets. "I wasn't... I, I, I treated you badly," he said. "I was, uh, you know, angry at Captain Ross, and the Deputy Commissioner, or... them, for bringing us in when we were off duty. That day was, uh... my mom's chemo started that day, and... I needed to be there with her. She wasn't dealing with it very well."

"I got that, Bobby," I said. "You were off in your own world. I got it. I understood."

"...and you covered for me," he said, leaning closer. "I did know that, but... I had all this frustration and I took it out on you. I'm sorry, Alex."

It was an okay apology – not great, but better than nothing. I stared hard at him, trying to make sure he wasn't just saying words I wanted to hear. He looked sincere, but I wasn't ready to let him off the hook yet.

"The thing is," I said, "she'll do chemo again, and we'll be called out again, and... There we go again."

He sighed. "That occurred to me, too." At least he wasn't fidgeting now. "But..." He shook his head and held up his palms. "I was reacting, not thinking."

"You think about everything," I said. "All the time."

"I was thinking about getting out of there and back to my mom as fast as possible. You ran this investigation, Eames. I was dead weight most of the time. And walking out on you at the end... I screwed up. Sorry. I shouldn't have let Captain Ross get under my skin like that. He just..."

Bobby looked tired. Really tired, like look-what-the-cat-dragged-in. I didn't want to add to his stress with my anger, which was starting to soften. But the mention of Captain Ross reminded me of another problem we had to deal with.

"Um, about Captain Ross..." I said, suddenly unable to look Bobby in the eye. "He, uh, he talked to me after you blew up..."

"About what?" He tilted his head down to try and make eye contact, but I turned away. "I'm fired?" he asked. "Alex?"

"No, not that." My chat with the Captain had been embarrassing and annoying, and I really didn't want to re-live it. "He, um, he asked me if... It's stupid!" I took a deep breath. "He asked if we're having personal problems."

"Personal?"

"He wondered if we have a personal relationship outside of the job."

"What!"

When the captain had asked me in his usual blunt way, I'd been stunned – exactly the way Bobby looked now.

I added, "...because of the way we weren't getting along on this case. He thought it looked like more than just work."

"Oh, come on!"

"I know," I said, nodding. "As if the whole weekend wasn't already a wreck, he piled on with that!"

Bobby frowned. "He shouldn't poke his nose into..." He rubbed a hand over his face. "What'd you tell him?"

"I told him the truth: we're not seeing each other." Bobby and I had gone out only one time, just before Ross got to Major Case. Since then things went haywire for both of us; we never had time to think about a second date.

Now Bobby looked even more exhausted. "Sorry, I shouldn't have... I screwed up. I'm sorry."

I touched his arm. "Apology accepted, but look: next time – and we both know there will be a next time – next time keep your favorite partner in the loop. That's all I need." I didn't add anything about a professional appearance at work to keep us off Ross's radar.

Bobby caught my hand. He looked very emotional. I thought he might kiss me, but that wouldn't be a good idea with Jackie within earshot. I cut a glance toward the living room and he got the message. He squeezed and let go.

I asked, "How's she handling the chemo?" He'd hardly told me anything about his mom's treatments.

"She's wiped out – sick to her stomach, dizzy, weak. That's what the doctor said to expect, so... It was the first session and they can't tell yet if it's helping."

"I hope it does. Have you been with her the whole time?" I hoped he was heading home to get some serious shut-eye.

"The nausea finally eased off, and she's been sleeping most of the day," Bobby said, "so I went home and caught a few hours. I'm on my way back to Carmel Ridge."

On his way? First of all, my apartment was nowhere near the route from his home to her hospital. And if this was what he looked like after sleeping, I didn't want to imagine the "before" Bobby.

"I'm glad you came by," I said. I was usually good at holding grudges, but it felt better to get back in sync with my partner.

"Yeah, me too. You're going out with your sister and Jonathan?"

"Yep. We'll take a vote when Mike gets here – it's either pizza or the diner. Most days Jonny votes three or four times for pizza."

"Okay, I'd better get going. Thanks for..."

I grabbed his sleeve and towed him toward the living room. "Jackie – the coast is clear! Uncle Bobby's leaving!" I called.

I expected the grilling from my sister. Jackie only waited until we two were alone – when Mike took Jonathan to the bathroom at the little Italian restaurant – and then she pounced with questions about me and Bobby. I didn't tell her about his mom, and did my best to convince her there was nothing going on, but she said she could tell from the way we looked at each other. The way we finished each other's sentences proved that it was inevitable.

Whatever. A long time ago I gave up trying to tell my sister what to think.

I definitely didn't expect a call from Jimmy Deakins the next evening. I'd just returned home from the grocery store, and was putting things away when my phone rang.

He'd called twice after my kidnapping, so I wasn't surprised to hear from him. We went through the usual small talk for a minute, and then the ton of bricks landed.

"Alex, I'm not your captain any more, so you can tell me to pound sand, but I'm just going to say this straight out: you and Bobby need to be careful about seeing each other."

"What?" My heart stopped, and then started racing. "We're not–"

"Your dad's worried," Deakins continued. "He doesn't want you to miss making lieutenant or captain, and I agree with him. Bobby's a great guy, but you need to keep it out of the squad room."

"Wait a minute," I said. The shock wore off quickly, and now my temper was rising. "My dad had no business calling you, because he has no idea what–"

"I've had my say. I'm not criticizing you or–"

"No, see, you don't understand," I said. "My father is imagining this – Bobby and I are not going out!" I knew exactly where Dad's delusion came from: Jackie's big mouth.

"Alex, it's not the first time I had this thought," Deakins said. "Look, you have a great future in the NYPD. All I'm saying is please, keep it on the down-low."

It had to be the most uncomfortable phone conversation I'd ever had. How could I tell my former captain – a man I looked up to and admired – that he was a gossip-hound? Yes, there was a tiny bit of truth to his supposition, but nothing like what he'd assumed.

When I finally hung up I was in turmoil. I was furious at my sister and dad, and humiliated at the thought that rumors about me were circulating through the retired cop grapevine.

My only consolation was that at least it wasn't Bobby's fault this time. I didn't want to discuss the problem with him. It would either make us really uncomfortable with each other or else tempt us to push the limits of our relationship. I had to hope that Captain Ross would keep his suppositions to himself.

Why do I always end up in these lose-lose situations?

.