After a quiet day of rest at Dad's, Jay managed to coax his little sister into the car. He drove her the eight or so minutes to the Venice Family Clinic and signed her in at the front desk. There was a moment of concern when he realized she'd wandered away, but it only took Jay a moment to locate her. She'd curled up in a chair in the sick waiting area. When he sat down next to her, she leaned into his chest and shut her eyes. He slowly wrapped an arm around her, giving her time to move away, but she didn't. He gave her shoulder a light squeeze. "They're gonna help you feel better," he murmured. "We'll get you back to normal soon."
Some kids' movie he didn't recognize was playing on the TV. It was some animated thing with snails. He would have asked her about it, but she was dozing off and he didn't want to bother her. He was supposed to be checking off boxes and scribbling down Dad's address on the clipboard they gave him, anyway. He really did want her to sleep if she could; they could potentially be waiting here all night. Appointments were hard to make, and now that it was afternoon, the waiting room was nearly full.
Jay stroked a hand over Zoey's hair while they sat, entertaining himself by people-watching. The room was populated mostly by Hispanics - lots of elderly adults and single moms with young children. Jay smiled at the kids when they looked over at him. One of the moms was looking sympathetically at Jay, probably thinking that he was a single dad. He nodded kindly at her and then went back to absently staring at the bright colors on the TV.
It was nearly 50 minutes before Zoey's name was called. He gently shook her awake and they walked together to where the volunteer nurse was waiting for them.
"Hi," she smiled.
"Hey," Jay replied. "Is it okay if I come with her? She hasn't been up to talking."
"Are you related?"
"I'm her big brother."
"Come on back," she said, motioning with her hand. They walked down a buttery yellow hall. "Alright, miss Zoey. I'm gonna have you step on the scale real quick."
Jay's eyes widened slightly as the number settled on the display. "We need to get you a Big Mac," he joked.
The nurse gave a light chuckle. "See what the doctor says first." She led them to a white room with a framed photograph of a school of fish on the wall.
Jay lifted Zoey up onto the table like a child. She leaned back against the wall and shut her heavy eyelids, and he took a seat on the low bench. The nurse opened her laptop, clicked around for a moment, and asked, "What brings you in today?"
"You wanna tell her, or you want me to?" Jay asked.
Zoey just looked at him tiredly.
"Alrighty then." Jay turned to the nurse and forced a tight smile. "Obviously, she's not talking. She sleeps at all hours, and she's felt warm. My dad doesn't have a thermometer in the house anymore, so I'm not sure about a number, but I'm pretty sure she has a fever. Also, she hasn't wanted anyone to touch her."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know, she kinda flinches away if your hand goes near her," Jay elaborated.
The nurse nodded and typed for a moment. "Any vomiting?" she asked Zoey.
Zoey shook her head.
"Okay, good, good. Does your throat hurt?"
Zoey shook her head no and then, as if she'd changed her mind, she shrugged.
"When did her symptoms start?" the nurse asked Jay.
"My dad's girlfriend said a couple weeks ago. Why they didn't do anything about it, I don't know." He caught himself and quickly added, "Usually they take great care of her. I think they just thought she was being a teenager. It's the beginning of her summer, so I guess it seemed normal for her to be asleep all day." It was a white lie, but he didn't want Zoey sent into the foster system. They'd had a handful of close calls already, and Jay didn't want to deal with social workers again.
"Any other symptoms?" the nurse asked as she rapidly typed.
"I don't think so."
Zoey tapped on the table to get the nurse's attention. She put a hand to the top of her head and moved it to her forehead and then around to the back.
"You're having headaches?" she asked. "Migraines?"
Zoey nodded.
The nurse typed some more. "Alright. Let me take your temperature and then I'll send the doctor in, okay?"
Zoey dutifully opened her mouth for the thermometer, and they all waited silently until it beeped.
"Yeah, sweetie, you're running a low fever," the nurse stated. "I'll let the doctor know we're ready for her, okay? Feel better, baby."
"Thanks," Jay said, since Zoey couldn't. He looked over at Zoey when the door closed – she looked irritated and hurt. "You okay?" he asked.
Zoey wordlessly turned away from him and laid down. The paper crinkled loudly underneath her. Jay ran a hand over his face and pulled his cell phone out of his pocket.
Wednesday 5:04 PM
J: I feel bad for taking her out here shes so sick
Lisa only took a moment to reply.
L: What's going on?
J: She slept on my shoulder the whole time we waited and now we're in here and she's falling asleep again
J: They said she has a fever youre probably right about mono
L: They'll help whatever it is. She'll be back to normal soon.
L: Are YOU okay?
J: Yeah this is just hard to watch especially with Nate hurt at the same time. And she won't even talk
After a short hesitation, Jay added.
J: Zee's my baby
L: I know :( Hang in there, big brother.
Zoey let out a small cough, and Jay looked up at her. She caught his eye and started to sit up, but Jay murmured, "No, no, it's okay. It could be a while. You can sleep, Zee." He shot a sad face emoji back to Lisa and opened his Solitaire app.
Zoey had been asleep for about twenty minutes when there were three quick raps on the door. The doctor pushed the door open, and Zoey didn't even move. The woman eyed Zoey and then gave Jay a sad smile. "That bad, huh?" she asked.
Jay nodded. "Yeah, she's had a tough few weeks." He stood up to wake his sister for the second time in half an hour. "Zee. Hey, Zee, wake up. The doctor's here."
She sat up slowly, rubbing lightly at her eyes.
"Are you good to wait in the hall?" the doctor asked Jay, her voice not unkind.
"She can't really talk," Jay explained as Zoey sat up.
"That's alright. There are many ways to communicate."
"Yeah, okay," Jay conceded. "Zee, you good?"
Zoey nodded hesitantly at him through half-lidded eyes, and he disappeared out the door.
The doctor spent a moment running through the symptom list the kind nurse had typed up, and then she was feeling Zoey's throat and shining a light in her eyes. "If it was mono, it looks like you're through the worst of it. Your throat and your lymph nodes look fine, so I'm not going to put you on an antibiotic, but drink plenty of water. Juice and tea are fine, too. And Gatorade. Sleep as much as you need to, okay? That's your body's way of fighting the virus."
Zoey nodded, glad not to have been given medicine that her body didn't need. Jay couldn't afford it, and he was far too proud to ask Dad to pay for it. Zoey thought she was done and started to get down from the table, but the doctor stopped her.
"You haven't been talking lately? What's going on, baby?"
Zoey looked at the woman, trying to decide what to say. Her lips were sealed, but she wanted so badly to tell the truth.
"Sometimes people stop talking when they're under a lot of stress. And sometimes they see something bad, or something bad happens to them, and that makes them stop talking, too. Does that sound like anything you've been dealing with?"
Zoey slowly shrugged.
The doctor nodded, understanding. Her eyebrows creased together.
"Is it hard to be around people right now? Have you been wanting to isolate yourself?"
Zoey nodded. She looked at the floor in embarrassment.
"There's nothing to be ashamed of," the doctor insisted warmly. "What happened, whatever it was – it's not your fault, sweetie."
Zoey nodded. If only that could have been the truth.
"The silence is a coping skill, but that coupled with not letting people touch you… that's really concerning to me." She looked at Zoey, really looked at her. "Did somebody do something to hurt you?"
Zoey was frozen. What the fuck was she supposed to do? Just say yes? That felt impossible. But she didn't want to say no, either. Perhaps her silence could be enough of an answer.
"Is someone in your family abusing you?"
She quickly shook her head no.
"Did somebody touch you?"
Zoey's breath caught in her throat. She swallowed thickly and tried not to change her expression.
"Zoey? Sweetheart, whether or not you tell me what's going on, I have to report this."
Anger surged through the littlest Kulina, and she didn't want to be in the room anymore. She slid off the table and headed for the door.
"Zoey, I can help you. Please talk to me. I can –"
But the door was already swinging shut.
Jay watched Zoey storm down the hall before he poked his head in to see the doctor looking upset. "Everything okay?" he asked.
She cleared her throat. "Yeah, uh. Yeah. She should be okay in a week or two. Lots of fluids and rest." She looked at him strangely. "Take care of her, alright? Keep her safe."
"Will do," Jay replied. He glanced down to the end of the hall where Zoey was waiting for him and then looked back at the doctor. He hushed his voice. "Did she say something?"
"Patient confidentiality," the doctor reminded.
"Yeah, but she's my little sister. She's a minor, and I take care of her. I just want to help. Did she say –"
"I'm sorry. I really can't tell you anything," the doctor insisted. "Here," she said, reaching into the pocket of her coat for her business cards. "One for you, and one for her. Call if either of you need someone to talk to." She sighed tiredly. "I'm sorry. I have to go. I have patients waiting." She brushed past him and walked the other way down the hall.
Jay jogged to catch up to Zoey. "Hey, monkey. You okay?"
She nodded tightly, arms crossed over her chest.
Jay went to wrap his arm around her, but she stepped away, just out of his reach. "Okay," he muttered sadly, pushing the door open for her.
The appointment had run a little longer than Jay had expected, and he only had time to drop Zoey off at Alvey's if he was going to get to the bar on time. Jay felt bad leaving her there by herself, but he had to pay the rent, and he wasn't going to make it if he didn't go into work tonight. Tanya paid a little over minimum wage, and it was an easy job with long hours. It's not like Jay was missing out on sleep, and Zoey would probably just shower and lie down anyway. According to Lisa, Zoey had been sleeping at all hours, and Jay had now seen that firsthand.
Zoey had been even less responsive in the car on the way home from the doctor. It sucked knowing that Zoey had maybe actually told someone what was really going on and Jay couldn't even hear about it. That doctor knew something – Jay could feel it. But why wouldn't she tell him? It's not like Alvey was going to do anything to help Zoey. Jay was the one that was always there, and Alvey never was. How was Jay supposed to make anything better if he didn't even know what was wrong?
A few hours passed uneventfully at the bar. Jay was leaning on the counter talking animatedly to Tanya when Lisa walked in. He glanced up and let out a howl of surprise. Lisa held out her arms and laughed. She was wearing her cream "Good Luck Charm" tank top, and Jay knew what that meant. "Well, now it's happy hour!" he crowed. "What are you doing here?"
"Your dad closed down the gym today to train with Ryan, so I thought I'd throw some booze down my throat," she giggled. "How are you doing, are you okay?"
"The jury's still out on that one," he joked.
The two embraced, but Jay wouldn't let go. He dramatically swung her back and forth.
"Get off me, you weirdo," Lisa laughed, giving him a playful smack.
He leaned in to peck her on the cheek before stepping out of her space. "Boy, look at you. You got that look," he grinned.
"What look?"
"You know that look."
"Jay, I don't have a look!"
"That fun time, party time Lisa," he sang, dancing around her. He slapped the bar top. "Sit down. We're drinking!"
"Yes, we are."
Jay put on a silly accent and turned his attention to Tanya. "Barwoman, get this lady a drink, please!" He cleared his throat and switched back to his normal voice. "Drinks are on me. Put 'em on my tab."
Tanya scoffed. "Tab, my ass. And get your ass to the fucking door. You're working"
"Pfft! Look. I'm doing it. I'm going. That's where I'm going. I'm out of here. Look."He turned his attention to Lisa. "You keep drinking."
"I'll do that."
"Alright. I will be back at my leisure, mama bear."
"Here you go, sweetie," Tanya said, placing a glass onto the counter and pouring Lisa a shot.
"Thanks, mama." She downed the whole thing in less than a second.
Ryan stayed at the gym for a few more hours than he had planned. The van from the halfway house didn't show up at Navy Street til after 10pm. Something must have gone wrong at the job that would have kept them out so late. Lights out at the house was at 11, so they were never back from work after 9. Keith would be worried.
"We'll hit it again tomorrow, alright?" Alvey asked, slapping Ryan's hand when it was time for him to go. "You're exactly where you're supposed to be."
"I'll be better tomorrow," Ryan promised.
"Maybe. Or maybe you'll be worse. Let go of perfection. Trust the process," Alvey repeated.
He was so calm and supportive and loving that Ryan ached inside. It had been years since he was spoken to with so much kindness. He'd forgotten how good it felt, and he was afraid he might get used to it. He ducked his head and buried his hands deep in his pockets.
"Trust your coach, yeah?" Alvey asked.
Ryan nodded fervently. "Yeah."
"Alright. Night, Ryan."
"Goodnight."
Alvey checked his phone on his walk to the car. He had a missed call and a voicemail from the Venice Family Clinic requesting to speak with him as possible. Shit. He'd have to call them back in the morning. That is, if he remembered.
Jay was standing in the doorway of the bar staring at the TV when a quick shot of the night's forecast popped up. Oh, shit. He shot Nate a text.
Monday 11:24 PM
J: Hey dude it's going to storm in half an hour
He immediately got a message back.
N: When are you coming home?
J: Not til at least 3 I'm working at T's
N: Do you think I could hang out with Zebra?
J: Maybe. She had a long day but she might be awake still
N: I'll check. I'll be at Dad's either way. Thanks for the heads up.
J: She misses u I'm sure she'd love to see you
J: Just so u know shes not feeling well so if shes sleeping leave her be
N: Yeah Dad said. I will.
J: See you tomorrow be safe and call if u need anything love u
N: You too.
Nate got up from the couch and quickly stuffed some clothes and his laptop into his Nike duffle bag. He pulled on a sweatshirt, tucked his phone into the front pocket pocket, and slung the bag over his shoulder. He hurried to the front yard and headed for Dad's. It would have been much quicker and easier to take his bike, but his knee was still too fucked up for that.
Nate didn't even know why he was seeking out Zoey for company during the storm – she'd been a fucking terrible sister lately. Maybe she was sick, but it would have taken her two seconds to send him a goddamn text message. It's not like he wasn't going through his own shit. It didn't have to be about her all the time. Big, angry clouds filled the night sky and blocked the few visible stars. Nate walked faster.
Alvey was in the kitchen drinking wine when Nate got there.
"Hey," Alvey greeted, eyebrows raised. He wasn't expecting to see his son until the morning. "What are you doing here?"
Nate shrugged. "Jay's working. I got bored."
"He's working?"
"Yeah."
"I didn't know he had a job," Alvey commented casually, but Nate knew he was fishing for more information.
He shrugged noncommittally.
"You goin' up to see your sister?"
"Uh, yeah, I was gonna see if she's awake," Nate admitted.
Alvey got up and opened the fridge. "Here, give her this," he said, tossing him a plastic container of yogurt. "See if you can get her to eat. I tried a couple hours ago, but she wouldn't take it."
Nate held it up, snorting. "Are you serious?"
"What?"
"She fucking hates yogurt."
Alvey's face fell. "Oh."
Nate moved to the cupboard. "You got Cheerios?"
"Yeah, I think. Lisa eats them sometimes."
Nate moved around the kitchen, pulling out a bowl and a silver spoon and a gallon of milk. He shook a generous helping of the cereal into a bowl. He used one of Jay's old tricks and poured the milk into a glass instead of directly onto the cereal in case Zoey was asleep. That way if she was, nothing would be wasted.
"You want a drink?" Alvey offered.
Nate nodded. His father passed him a beer bottle, and he tucked it into his elbow. He shouldered his duffle again and picked up the cereal and the glass.
"You're a fucking good brother," Alvey observed, watching Nate juggle his things and Zoey's.
Nate looked at his father, careful to keep his expression neutral. Several seconds passed in silence. "Thanks," he finally muttered. He had always known he was a good brother, especially to Zee, but getting that reassurance from his father meant more than he cared to admit. "Night, Dad."
"Goodnight, son."
Nate walked up the stairs and went straight to Zoey's room. He shifted the glass of milk a little and knocked softly. "Zebra?"
There was some shuffling, and then his sister pulled the door open. They stood there, each taking the other in. A slightly uncomfortable silence stretched between them. Finally, Nate spoke.
"It's, uh. It's gonna thunder and Jay's not home."
Zoey gave him a small smile and opened the door wider. She went to sit back on her bed, and he followed.
"I haven't seen you in a long time," he said, handing her the cereal bowl. He wanted to say more – That's the longest we've ever been apart. Why wouldn't you talk to me? What the fuck happened to you? I can feel how upset you've been, but don't you care about what happened to me? I missed you. – but he kept his thoughts to himself.
She looked down. She could read into his words, and she felt immensely guilty for harboring so much anger towards him the past two weeks. Nate hadn't meant to sleep through what happened, and he certainly would have done something to help if he was capable. Now that she was looking at him, she remembered that. He would never willingly let anyone hurt her. Zoey felt horrible.
"You don't feel like talking?" Nate inquired, pouring the milk from the glass into the Cheerios.
She shook her head casually and picked up the spoon.
Nate cracked his beer open and took a long drink. "That's okay. I know how that goes."
Zoey was hit with another pang of guilt.
Just then, thunder rumbled in the distance. Nate's eyes slid to the window, but his little sister was already moving. She reached up to lock the windows and pull the white shades all the down. She turned her desk lamp on, and then she pulled an extra blanket off her closet shelf. She sat back down on the bed next to her brother, grabbed her phone off her nightstand, and opened a note. It's OK, she typed. She gave him a reassuring smile. If she could help him now, maybe it would make her feel better, too.
Nate nodded and swallowed. He knew his fear was stupid, knew that other people weren't nervous about storms like he was, but he couldn't help it. For his entire life, he'd hated thunder. He could ignore it if he really had to, but it was hard. Jay and Zoey already knew, so it wasn't worth it to keep it from them. They always wanted to help anyway.
We're safe here. The clouds are just boxing, remember? :)
That's what Jay used to tell Nate was happening. Some people told their kids that the angels were bowling in Heaven, but Jay knew that Nate would understand the MMA parallel, even when he was little. Nate remembered his big brother bouncing around the room shadow boxing and then dramatically pretending to be hit. "And then BOOM! The one angel PUNCHES the other angel. IN THE FACE! And since they're angels, they're super tough, so they hit really hard and it's super loud to us humans."
"Do they ever get knocked out?"
"Pshhh!" Jay had scoffed. "Totally! They're really strong, Nate. I bet they knock each other out all the time. KO!" Jay flexed then, and Nate eagerly flexed back. Jay ruffled Nate's hair. "That's right, little buddy."
Rain started dripping outside the window, first softly and then harder. Within a minute, it was pouring. Lightning flashed bright outside the window like a camera, and Nate started counting in his head. One Mississippi. Two Mississippi. Three Mississippi… He got all the way to 12 before thunder rumbled again. "Twelve miles," he stated.
Nate reached into his bag and pulled out his laptop. Zoey watched as he clicked around on it until he pulled LOST up on Netflix. He picked season 2 from the pull-down menu without needing to ask her. It had always been their favorite. She watched over his shoulder and pointed when he scrolled to episode 9. What Kate Did was always one of her favorites.
"I'm shocked," Nate quipped, but he clicked on the episode anyway. He pushed the laptop back a few inches and listened as Zoey crunched by his ear. She ate quickly, like she hadn't had food in days. For all Nate knew, that might have been the case, especially now that he knew Dad was pitching peach yogurt to her. He was glad he came over.
Thirty seconds into the episode, there was another flash of lightning followed by more thunder. Nate wiped his palms on his shorts. He could feel Zoey watching him for a moment, but once she deduced he was alright, she went back to her cereal.
Zoey finished eating and leaned behind her brother to set the bowl down on her nightstand. She picked up her phone and typed out, Thanks.
Nate nodded in reply.
Another minute or two passed, and just when Nate was starting to get distracted by the show, a loud clap of thunder exploded overhead. Nate stood up and crossed the room, and Zoey followed him down the hall. The two jogged down the steps and just around the corner. They sank to the ground under the staircase in perfect sync.
Nate looked over at his sister, who put two hands up slowly as if to say, relax. Just then, Nate's phone started buzzing in his pocket. It made him jump again, but he quickly recovered and dug it out of his shorts.
"Hello?"
Jay's concerned voice filled his ear. "Hey, little man. You hanging in there?"
Nate's voice was tight. "Yeah, I think so."
Lightning flashed through the glass windows, and a bang of thunder followed it almost immediately.
"Shit," Nate hissed, unconsciously leaning closer to Zoey.
"Hey, it's okay. Remember, it's just the –"
"The fucking clouds boxing, yeah. Zebra said."
"She's awake then?" Jay asked.
"Yeah. We're sitting under the stairs."
"My little cave dwellers," Jay mused. "Put me on speaker."
Nate pressed the button on his phone. "Okay, it's on."
"Hey, Zee. You take care of your brother, you hear me? Both of you, listen. Lisa's with me at the bar. I'm planning to take her home when I'm done here, cause she's already hammered. Leave your doors open if you want, and I'll come by before I go, okay? I gotta get back to work, but I love you guys. And Nate, seriously – call me if you need me."
"Sure, man."
"Love you," Jay said again.
"We love you, too."
When Nate hung up the call, Zoey showed him her phone screen. I'm gonna go get the blanket, she'd written. Do you want anything else?
"My beer."
She grabbed all the stuff from her room and was headed back to Nate when she nearly crashed into Alvey on the landing.
"Are you drinking again?" he asked sharply.
Zoey shook her head, eyes wide.
"Where are you going with that?"
Her hands were full with the fluffy blanket, so she motioned downstairs with her head.
"Is your brother down there?" he asked, and she nodded. He moved to let her pass. "Ay, no sleeping down there, you hear me? Come upstairs and sleep in a fucking bed. You're not at Jay's." Zoey nodded, but that wasn't enough for Alvey. "Nate, you hear me?" he asked louder. He was tense, probably because Lisa still wasn't home.
"Yeah."
"Goodnight, you two."
Zoey walked carefully down the stairs and handed her brother his beer bottle. He downed a big gulp as Zoey wrapped herself in her blanket. She stared at his scar, and she couldn't help herself from reaching out and touching it. Nate winced a little but allowed her to examine it. Her fingers ran up and down the thick, raised tissue several times before she stopped and pulled her hand away. She fumbled with her phone and then slid it toward him.
I'm glad you're okay.
Nate didn't say anything.
Thunder cracked at the same time as a bolt of lightning lit up the room. The storm was right over them. Nate exhaled heavily, and he could feel how badly Zoey wanted to speak, to verbally comfort him.
"Can you pull up the radar?" he asked, giving her something to do.
Within a few seconds, she was handing him her phone again. A mess of red covered the entire county. Fuck.
Nate shut his eyes, and Zoey took her phone back. She tugged his hand toward her and started tracing shapes on his skin. It was only after she made the same shape twice that he realized she was writing something.
"Wait, start over."
S – O – R – R – Y, she wrote.
"For what?"
She pointed outside.
Nate shrugged.
She made a face at him. He could feel a sassy yeah right radiating through her mind.
Thunder boomed so loudly overhead that the panes of glass shook in their frames. Nate inhaled quietly and dug his fingers into his palm. Zoey wrapped her hand around his wrist. Her skin was so warm.
"I'm okay," Nate lied stiffly.
Zoey didn't let go.