The McPuffin Part 1

A.N.)- Still trying to get everything transfered over. I apologize for any delays.

\_-o(X)o-_/

"This… is safe right…?"

I looked up at Casey, the rotund man sat on the bed in Akira's office, "Hm?"

"Eating the fruit… it's safe right?" Casey, as an adult, was just under six foot tall and 280 lbs with a surprisingly low body fat percentage for his appearance. He looked chubby. And right now he had a thermometer in his mouth, a pressure cuff on his arm, and a few wires connecting him to the surrounding equipment.

"Bonney and I are okay, and we did." I smiled, "This is just so we have try to understand the process a bit better."

"What… what's it like?" Casey asked, staring at the fruit on the counter.

"It tastes horrific," I said with a grin as I double checked his blood pressure, "I call them Devil's Bunghole Fruit for a reason. But otherwise… it's not much. Any changes it makes aren't super obvious." I trailed off, looking up at him, "We don't have to do this now if you're nervous."

"No!" Casey nearly bolted up, eyes wide.

I blinked in surprise, giving him a funny look.

Slumping, Casey looked at the floor, "I… I want this…"

"Hng?" Akira asked as he passed me the X-Ray, and I slipped it into the clipboard beside me.

"It's… I'm not really good at anything…" Casey said, fiddling with his fingers, "I've always dreamed of being a pirate, of being a great one with a huge bounty… but I… I sucked. I've spent years on ships, trying to learn everything, trying every job, trying to find something I was good at… but I'm horrible. I can only kind of do things now…"

"Hng."

My eyebrows shot up and I looked at the doctor in surprise, even as Casey ducked his head, "Wait, really?"

"Hng." He confirmed.

That made me look at Casey, pointing out, "That's more jobs than I know how to do to an acceptable level. And I grew up on a ship." And had the added benefit of 25 years of being a dedicated super-nerd in a society considerably more advanced than this one. My science wasn't Vegapunks 5 centuries ahead, but when I got going I could manage two or three.

The larger man met my eyes, "It took me fifty years to get to being average… I kept looking for something to be awesome at, to get a title for being so good at it." A small frown appeared on his face as he looked down at the hands he'd clenched in his lap, "I want to be something like 'Gun-toting Casey' or 'Seven-Death's Casey'… not just… Casey Tibbs… that guy."

He raised his eyes to look at the devil fruit on the counter, "A Devil Fruit… an Ability… those make you special just by having it. I want that…"

I was quiet for a moment before I smiled and gently pointed, "You are aware this is a Jello fruit and you'll probably be called something like 'Jiggly Casey' right?"

"Urk-" Casey made a face, before his eyes hardened and he grit his teeth, "Still better than just being 'that guy.'"

"Fair enough," I said, with a small smile.

"Hng."

"And I've got mine done as well," I said, double checking the list, "Alright then." Setting the clipboard down, I picked up the plate with the Devil Fruit on it.

"Are we done with the tests?" Casey asked hopefully.

"Sorry, no," I said, handing the plate and silverware to the larger man. "We'll have to do a round of them afterwards to see what the changes are."

"Great," the cowboy-hat wearing man muttered, taking the plate.

"Could be worse. You could have to eat more than one bite of this."

He gave me a confused look and I grinned, "They taste that bad. Trust me."

-oOo-

"Alright, now, let's go over the basics here. Roukushiki are the Six Techniques that Marines use to amplify their own abilities and physical power. True masters train their entire lives, but it's possible to achieve a moderate amount of success with them with 'just' some intense training." I explained, standing on the deck of the Cake as we sailed forward. Most of the crew was assembled before me, Bonney included.

"There are technically seven techniques, but I've only reverse engineered six of them." I told the assembled crew, pacing in front of them, "The techniques are, in order: Kami-E, Tekkai, Shigan, Soru, Rankyaku, and Geppo."

"Kami-E is flowing like a reed in the wind, the deliberate control and relaxation of all of your muscles. But what makes it powerful and useful is the control required. You can guide your motions. Bonney! Up and at'em, we're demonstrating."

Though she snorted, the pink haired captain stepped up, "Demonstrating what?"

I spread my arms, palms out, "Hit me."

"Uh-huh."

I grinned, "Well. Try to hit me."

Bonney blinked once before grinning evily and cracking her knuckles, "Oh, you are asking for it Ironhide."

"Yeah, but you're not delivering," I taunted with a grin, forcibly relaxing my muscles.

Her leg snapped out at my head, and I let the air pressure of the blow move me out of the way, allowing it to swing through the space my head had been an instant before with a soft swish~ Bonney snorted, putting her foot down, "Tch. Big deal. You can dodge."

"Mhm. Right," I said, hanging in that awkward position, "Hit me."

The entire crew gave me a funny look, "Are you crazy?"

"Bon bon," the little gold ring in her cheek twitched, "Hit me."

"Oh…" her voice was a lot lower this time, and a lot more dangerous, "You are asking for it Ironhide."

I cringed just a bit, feel like I hit a nerve there– Oh hello foot, nice to meet you.

I was leaning back almost bonelessly, pushed about by the pressure of first one kick, then another, and another. Without moving my feet, my upper body twisted one way and then another, practically fluttering about like a blade of grass in a hurricane. Bonney's arms went up for balance as she began to swap out between legs, a growing snarl on her face.

"Kami-E is the most basic of the techniques…" I talked as I dodged, my voice calm. There was a strange staccato to my speech though due to the flexings of my diaphragm at these speeds, "But it's a pain to train. At its core, it's the control of your muscles and being able to deliberately relax or use only the ones you choose."

"Jowls!" Her boot flew past my face, the air pressure making me spin in the air and off of my feet momentarily, "Tch-! Tenderloins!" a kick at the back that I spun out of the way of, "Ribs!" Her leg swept hard from the side at my torso and I bonelessly limbo'd beneath it, "Tenderizer!"

Her back foot was planted with a resounding sound before her lead leg blurred into motion, resembling nothing so much as Chun-Li's classic spamming kick, Bonney's jet black heel lashed out at me rapidly, and all to no effect as the air pressure of her attacks pushed my effectively weightless body out of the way on their own. "Now… I'm very good at this. This is the only technique I honestly feel like I've mastered… it's also extremely hard to manage an offense while you allow your body to do this, and a skilled opponent can use it to move you around the battlefield since you just go with an attack rather than–"

Bonney did a leg sweep and I forcefully exhaled, floating like a piece of paper as I allowed my legs to be swept out from under me. Going through a handless cartwheel, I drifted back down to the deck lightly. The crew gaped, and Bonney looked up at me in disbelief from her crouch, "How the hell?"

I grinned, "Not so stupid now is it?" She still looked ready to get back to trying to hit me, so I held up my hands in surrender, "Sorry Captain. Needed to demonstrate. You get to actually hit me with the next one though." With her looking slightly mollified by that, I turned back to the assembled crew, "Kami-E is the first step in learning the other moves, since they all require amazing control over yourself to accomplish. The next is Tekkai."

Turning back to her, I put my arms at my sides and flexed, "Now, give me a kick."

This time Bonney didn't hesitate to strike at me. The straight kick slamming into my bare chest with a solid whump. I could only sort of feel it in my skin, not any deeper.

"Tch-!" spinning into a roundhouse, Bonney's leg flew at the side of my head.

"Tekkai!" I flexed harder and her boot slammed into my cheek about as effectively as you'd expect a normal person's one to against a tree. Though holy hell was it louder.

"Okay, so you flex hard…?" Daniel piped up.

"At its most basic, yes. But there's a fancy bit of training and focus to it and flexing all of your muscles extremely simultaneously." Specifically, it was about synchronizing the twitches of your muscle-fibers throughout your body. How they figured this out on their own I have no idea, but I'd figured it out over time. The trick was training yourself to do that. "As the name implies, you're effectively turning yourself into iron based on your muscular strength."

My right eye was suddenly covered by black shoe as I turned my eye and that side of my face into metal, "Mind you. I can actually turn into metal when someone attacks my eye. One of the flaws of the technique. It also can't stop bullets or swords until you reach absurd levels. It's best used against physical blows."

"Asswipe." Bonney muttered, giving me another kick to the face.

Her boot still pressing against my cheek, I continued, "Now, the next technique is Shigan. Essentially, you extend a finger and punch someone with it. There are a couple tricks to doing it involving muscle control, but it's basically using your finger like a bullet. Concept is simple, but it takes a lot of training." I couldn't have done it without turning into metal.

Bonney pulled her foot away and I continued, "Soru is the fancy disappearing trick I do. This one is hard to do, you basically kick off the ground ten times in an instant and snap the other leg out to stop yourself."

I flexed my legs and a quick spasm launched me off of the ground in a blur, the movement making a small -fwsh!- sound. My other foot extended as I came to a stop at the railing to the left of the crew on deck. They blinked at the space I'd occupied in surprise, though Bonney was placed to see the action, she'd seen it before. When I spoke though, it made the group jump, "You don't need to get all the way to ten times in an instant to get the disappearing effect. But a part of the number of kicks is the control over your direction and distance."

I had an idea on a way to combine my metal form with the technique to go faster, greater strength plus my current speed and a harder kick-off…

"That," Bonney said, pointing at me, "I want to learn that."

"You've got to learn at least Kami-E and Tekkai first. Soru requires some bits of the technique and conditioning you learn from those techniques."

The Captain… my Captain, frowned, but I shrugged, a neutral expression on my face, "Nothing to change it. It's like counting to ten, you can't get there without going through one and two."

She crossed her arms under her breasts and looked away with a snort.

Sighing, I continued, "Rankyaku is creating a compressed blade of air from a quick motion, normally a kick, combined with your intent it creates a blade that is fired."

Turning, I chambered a kick before rolling the leg out like a whip, the tip of my foot snapping upwards and releasing a faint blue crescent that flew through the air, cutting a gouge out of the railing as it sailed off over the ocean.

"Could… could that be done with a sword?" Jaime asked, the pear-headed man fiddling with the handle of his rapier.

"Yes." I confirmed, "It's an advanced technique, but it's possible. It's technically doable with anything provided you get it moving fast enough. But it helps if the thing is sharp."

I had a theory that Lucci's ability to 'fire' Shigan as a ranged attack was really derived from a combination of Rankyaku with the physical ability to do Shigan and his claws.

"What's the last one?"

"Geppo is essentially a double jump."

"That's how you fly!" Wallace exclaimed, shuffling back a bit.

"Flying is the wrong word, though that's an effect. You're kicking off of the air." I crouched before jumping straight up, a good fifteen feet of bullshit. Bunching my legs midair, I snapped them out in a bunny-hop like motion, the action causing a little puff of smoke from the shockwave created and allowing me to push off of the shockwave.

The crew of the Cake watched as I hopped every few seconds in mid-air, slightly angling my hops to match the Cake's speed, "This is very useful, but it's tiring."

"How is it not flying?" Tom called up from the deck.

"You're jumping midair, you don't have control after you jump." Unlike in video games, you couldn't control your jumps midair without another use of Geppo, which positioning could make difficult.

"Looks like flying to me!" Bonney called up, and I flicked her off, dropping to the deck.

Landing with a loud thud, I shook out my legs, "You learn it and tell me it's flying."

"Teach it and I will!"

I started to roll my eyes, but then smirked, walking over towards her, "Go limp."

Bonney blinked, "… what?"

Stopping just in front of her, my back foot planted and my lead foot lashed out in a fast but light kick, my boot basically tapping her in the face.

Her hat fell from her head and she stumbled back, grabbing her mouth, she glared up at me and I grinned just a bit, "Go. Limp. The pressure of the attack should push you out of the way."

"You ass–" the tip of my boot blurred forward again, this time deliberately to the left of her head, and Bonney dodged to the side, her hair flaring out from the kick.

"Like that!" I encouraged cheekily, "Just looser. Loosey goosey."

"You're a fuck!" she snapped, and I raised an eyebrow at her.

"You kick me all the time, woman. That was a fucking love tap and you know it." She growled and I met her gaze unflinchingly, "Seriously though. Go as limp as you can while standing. And that goes for everyone! Spread out some and pair up. The main combat use of the ability is to not get hit, and that's how we're training it."

\_-o(X)o-_/

"Did the astrologers of that kingdom realize that the world was round by that point?" Huddled up under one of the bookshelves with my friend, I flipped through the pages of the book in my lap.

"Yes," Ami confirmed, scowling at her own book. We were pretty little, though Ami wasn't a runt like me she also wasn't pushed to the ridiculous levels of training I was. We were a pretty funny contrast really, she was very demure and pale in a pretty little dress and I was heavily tanned and in denim shorts and a shirt that was basically a step above burlap. "The Elshinae Kingdom's texts show that they were one of the first to realize the world was a sphere."

The Patch had finally swung back by this island after two months out on the ocean and visiting other islands. This island was one of the few with a library, and the only one I could rent books from, even if it was through Ami...

"Given the Log Pose that's not surprising…" I muttered, scribbling some notes into my journal, "Though it's curious how there are people in the New World if the whole magnetic fluctuations have been a thing for so long… do we know if there was a time where it wasn't?"

Ami was actually pretty fun to talk to. She was wicked smart, smarter than I was honestly. Sure, she was technically two years older than my four-… five year old ass, but I cheated by having a whole 23 years of dedicated nerd-dom on her. And she was still smarter than me. It was rather nice not being the smartest person in the room.

Ami ducked her head behind her book, "No. Sorry."

"Mm. Darn." I muttered, flipping another page as I skimmed the book in my lap, "Any idea where we might look for that info? Because it wasn't in the history books and the geography books are hit and miss so far that I've seen."

"I-… I don't know…"

The hiccup in her voice caught my attention, and I looked up at my friend, "Ami…?" her head was buried behind her book, practically hiding behind it. Worried, I set my book down and reached out to touch her arm, "Ami? You okay?"

"You're not mad?"

I blinked in confusion before scooching across the wood floor of the library, letting the book fall from my lap, "Why would I be mad?" I went from a foot or two away from her leaning against the bookshelf to immediately beside her.

Her hands tightened against the cover of the oversized book in her hands and she seemed to retreat behind it, "I didn't know the answer…"

My heart immediately went out to her and I almost reflexively reached out, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close to my smaller form, hugging her to my side, "Oh Ami, I don't care if you don't know. We do this to learn. I don't expect you to know everything."

"R-Really?" her voice was very small, and she refused to look at me as she asked it…

I frowned even as I hugged her tighter, my heart aching, "Really really."

With a little sob, the blue haired girl dropped her book and nearly threw herself into me, the child barely any older than me clinging to me as she quietly cried. I didn't know what had brought this on, why she was worried about this, and now wasn't the time to ask, now was the time to comfort.

Making soft, wordless noises of comfort, I hugged my friend tightly, rubbing small circles against her back as she cried.

'Whoever's making you feel like this… they need a kick to the teeth.'

-oOo-

"So what's this island?" I asked, fiddling with the drill on the table.

"Ee-zwee…? Eh-mahn-zee-nee?" Bonney said slowly, slice of pizza in hand as she looked over the map. A brief frown crossed her face, "I have no idea how that's pronounced."

Curious, I leaned over, "… my best guess is Izwe Emanzini…"

Bonney grunted, taking a bite of her pizza and talking through her mouthful, "'Parrently it's ruled by the Zolou." I blinked, that sounded familiar… "There's apparently almost never any Marines there. If they come there for anything more than the taxes to the World Government the Zolou go crazy on them."

I hummed thoughtfully as I munched on the pizza slice I had myself. The name sounded familiar… like, another life familiar.

"We're not gonna be over there," Bonney continued, pointing the crust of her pizza at the map and 'drawing' with it, "We're going to stay out at sea as much as possible until the Log Pose recharges."

"How long is that?" Daniel asked, the tall man pausing in the shoveling of food into his face.

Bonney frowned, "Six months."

Food was sprayed in surprise, as was some beer, and a cry went up from the crew that could be summed up as 'The hell?!'

Mind you, I wasn't exactly happy about it either. Six months is a long time for a log pose recharge.

"Oi!" Bonney half stood from her chair, slamming a hand down on the table, "Shut up!" The room went quiet, "There's not gonna be any Marines there while we're in the area, and the Zolou don't care about the waters. The Zolou make sure there's no Marines on the island except those to collect the taxes. We can raid the ships without worrying too much about the Marines giving us crap, only thing we've got to worry about are other pirates."

The crew started to settle back down, though there was some grumbling. Purple eyes turned to me as Bonney asked, "Oi! Florida. You don't have any problem smashing up pirate ships do you?"

"Not really, no." I admitted. Pirates tended to deserve it. In so much as that term could be used. If you were a pirate, you knew you were putting your life on the line, you were accepting the consequences of your lifestyle. "I've only really got issues in attacking civilians." Merchants though? People traveling between islands? They were just living their lives. Doing their jobs. Them I had a problem attacking.

"Right. So the plan is simple," Bonney said, gesturing about with the crust of her pizza, "Dock when we've got to, but stay out around the island looking for ships to plunder. If they're pirates, we've got Florida to punch some faces. We should be able to avoid getting too much attention from the Marines or bounty hunters."

The crew mulled that over, talking amongst themselves, but they seemed to like the idea.

I hummed thoughtfully, it sounded good to me… Bonney was actually good at this-… My eyes caught on something, "Ah… Bonney?"

Her gaze swung to me, "What?"

Gesturing at my own chest I said, "Crumb shelf."

Bonney blinked twice before looking down at her chest, finding the crumbs resting atop her breasts that had caught my attention. She frowned and brushed them off, smearing some grease on her tank-top, "Ugh… great."

Picking up my own slice of pizza back up, I bit into it, turning back to the drill I was working on. I was probably gonna spend most of this time training the crew and rebuilding my laboratory and equipment while studying what had happened to Bonney, Casey, and myself. See if I could figure out what the fuck 'wavelengths' Devil Fruit were supposed to have as well as the one the sea was supposed to have…

Stuffing the crust half into her mouth and holding in place with her teeth, she gave her top a snap, sending the crumbs flying away, "'Ere-! 'etter."

I glanced up before looking back down, tapping the center of my chest, "Missed a spot."

Bonney glanced back down, finding the crumb in her cleavage, "… damnit."

-oOo-

"Mm-hmm mm-hmm, hm-hmhm-hmhmmm…" I hummed as the crew enjoyed their time in the bar. Bonney was downing some beer next to me before taking a bite of the local cuisine.

While the Captain and I sat at the bar proper, the rest of the crew were enjoying the local wenches and alcohol.

The houses here were straw and reeds and light wood, and much of the island was one big savanah. There were surprisingly few truly black people in this world so far as I'd seen, but it seems we'd found the island where many of them were. It was hot and almost muggy on this island, a call back to my namesake in my previous life, and while many of the crew had been bothered by it up until they'd seen the wenches. I was perfectly fine.

Mind you, I was wearing my coat like a cape, had rolled up my sleeves and was leaving my vest undone, sure, but otherwise fine.

The port town we were in was mostly small households, likely meant to be easily moved or replaced. The inn was one of the few really sturdy stone structures here and it was in a World Government style rather than the local one. This bar was definitely local though, and there was an interesting style of wood for the bar itself.

"Why yes, I can turn into jelly and reshape myself." Casey's voice rose over the din of the crew behind us. Most of the crew were at tables, talking with local women of the night or just local women.

A small smile crossed my face as I munched on the rib. Casey was being a dork, but he was enjoying himself, and the ladies on either side of him seemed interested at least. The rib was in a style called braai, though I recognized it as good ole' barbeque. And good barbeque at that.

"I can be whatever shape I want! And I'm very bouncy." The crew had been rather happy to find out that local fashion was rather… clothing-lite. It wasn't as 'bad' as the classic National Geographic photos you'd have seen in my past life, the women tended to wear a shawl that covered their top and what might have been a grass article of clothing in my home was usually some fancy cloth here.

Still, barely-clad exotic ladies to spend money on while getting drunk. The crew was happy.

Bonney snorted beside me, and I glanced over at her, raising an eyebrow. The captain had ditched her hat, jacket, and stockings due to the heat, sticking to just a top, shorts, suspenders, and boots.

She met my gaze out of the corner of her eye mid-bite into a large cow thigh and jerked her head back at Casey before pointedly rolling her eyes.

"Tcheheheh…" I leaned in to be heard over the crew having fun, "They're gonna rob him blind."

She raised an eyebrow at me and made an inquisitive grunt through her mouthful of grilled beef.

"They're sharks… not sure what the name for them is in the south… gold-diggers?" I shrugged, "They're gonna take everything he's fucking got and leave him."

Swallowing, Bonney smirked at me, "And you know this… how?"

I grinned, "I was caught by the likes of that a time or two. But mostly? Learn how to avoid the bounty hunters that try that crap."

"What, sleep with you to take you in?" She asked, gesturing with the oversized leg of cow.

"Mhm," I confirmed through my mouthful of rib. I recognized the oregano… but what was that other spice…? Or was it even a spice, was it an herb…?

"How the hell would you know, goody two shoes?" Bonney teased, giving my shin a kick.

I smiled, swallowing, "I've had my bounty a long time. You learn how to tell the difference between the various ladies and their desires for money."

She raised a pink eyebrow at me in honest surprise, "You're not all that old."

"Nope," I confirmed, amused by the memories more than anything else, "But if they think your balls have dropped and they have some cleavage, they can get some money out of you."

Bonney snorted, a smirk on her face, "Like you've had sex."

I grinned, "I do have a girlfriend…" The thought made me pause, and my eyes fell back to the half-eaten rib in my hands, the grin slowly fading.

I… shit. I did. We hadn't seen each other in almost eight months now… hell, we never got to see each other much but… I hadn't lost everyone. I had somewhere to go. I was so used to being on a ship, to living on a ship that I hadn't even thought of finding an island to live on… but without my family–

"Uh huh, right, totally believe you." Bonney's teasing trailed off as she saw my face. She frowned, "What?"

"… I've got a girlfriend to return to…" I said, a mixture of emotions in my chest. Happiness, sadness, ache, guilt, joy... Yay, I had somewhere to go. Boo, she probably thought I was dead. Woo, no matter how it had felt I hadn't lost everyone. I mean holy shit was finding out that the Patch was destroyed a gut punch that I hadn't wanted to think about. Wah, it was gonna be who knows how long until I could return.

"… seriously?" She asked in disbelief, barely audible over the din of the crew.

"Yeah…" I said softly, staring at the rib in my hands. Could I live on her island though…? I'd have to lay low… unless my bounty was inactive again, but regardless, it should be possible so long as I avoided her mother…

Bonney grunted, taking a quick bite out of her beef thigh, "Sho? What'sh the big deal?"

"So I've got someone to return to," I said, a small smile on my face, "It's a good feeling."

Another grunt before she said petulantly, "Good for you."

I gave her a mild glare, "Oi, give me a break, I lost my whole crew less than a month ago." I didn't know her situation, but still, a little sensitivity would've been nice.

"And you're only just now remembering your girlfriend. Some boyfriend you are."

I frowned at her tone, "Hey, to be fair, I've been actively avoiding thinking about it…" I trailed off. Just because your family's job meant they were likely to die and you were prepared for that doesn't mean it's pleasant to think much about them being gone. "And we hardly get to see each other often. I wasn't in charge of where the Patch was headed. I only got to see her once every few months."

"Tch," Bonney looked away, "So, what? You gonna leave now?"

I snorted, "No. I wouldn't ditch you guys like that, especially not in the middle of teaching y'all." I tried to have some measure of honor. With a smirk, I pointed out, "Can't leave in the middle of the Grand Line anyways. Only ways out are at the ends or with a ship with a seastone coated hull."

Still scowling, though not as much as before, Bonney looked at me calculatingly, "Not gonna go to the New World then?"

I looked away before admitting, "… probably not. I don't have good reason to risk my life in that terrifying place."

My Captain slowly turned the leg of meat around in her hands for a moment, "Eh. Whatever. It's your life–"

"Woo!"

Both of us blinked and turned, looking back to find two of the local ladies dancing on the tables. Slowly stripping as the crew cheered them on.

I blinked, "… it's not even near sunset is it yet?"

"Nope." Bonney confirmed.

"Someone's really throwing the cash around." I mused out loud.

She shrugged, "Eh. It's their share, they can waste it how they want."

\_-o(X)o-_/

"104… 105… 106… 107… 108… 109…"

"Faster!"

"Yes momma," I panted as I hefted the weighted training swords, one in each hand and tried to follow through.

I never expected to use two swords, but it's what momma had done and she wanted to pass it on, "110! 111! 112! 113"

I didn't get the sense that she really expected me to learn how to use swords like she did, but… she wanted a legacy. And I could accept that. I wanted to make her happy, and it's not like I didn't want to become the best I could be.

"Put your back into it! Plant those feet better!" The rolled up newspaper lashed out to swat at me a few times.

I clenched my teeth as I tried to force my body to listen to the demands, "Yes momma!" Sweat flew from my skin as I continued through the sequence of strikes and chops against the post, the weighted swords slamming into it hard, "114! 115! 116!"

Sure, I was five years old. Sure, I was swinging swords nearly the size of me. Sure, this was absurd. But people in this world were absurd, there didn't seem to be hard limits on how strong, fast, or tough a human body could get. It was fascinating, what mechanisms were different that removed what should have been hard physics limits-? "117! 118-! 119-!"

"Don't slow down!" the rolled up newspaper lashed out to swat against my sides, making me flinch just a bit, "A Marine won't give you a chance to slow down!"

"120! 121!"

Gotta say though, I'll be so happy when this is over and I can slip off to the crows nest and read the book I'd secreted away.

-oOo-

"So, Zazu, what do you think? Why am I here?" I asked the toucan sitting on my forearm.

"Squawk!" I smiled a bit at the bird as I kicked my feet, sitting atop the crow's nest of the Cake as the sun set.

Then I sighed, "I don't know either… family's all dead, crew's almost certainly dead. I got really lucky. They caught us completely by surprise y'know. I didn't even have my normal outfit on."

"I…" swallowing, I took a shuddering breath, "I lost everything I had that day… the Patch was my life… it was my rock… it was… it was all I had…"

Slowly, I reached out, carefully so as not to startle the bird that had landed on me. The toucan looked at me warily as I gently put my hand atop its head, softly scratching beneath its feathers. After a moment of watching me, the bird's eyes began to slowly close and it made a small, happy crooning noise. A small smile appeared on my face at that as I just **felt** the bird sitting on my forearm, simple and warily content.

"You probably don't get that, do you? Losing everything…" My eyes closed briefly, a few tears leaking out of the corners of my eyes.

The toucan bumped my hand that had stopped petting it, "Tcheheheh… alright, alright…" A small, sad smile on my face, I returned to scratching his head, "So… my whole purpose in life, protecting and supporting my family and crew, is gone. I don't know what I want to do…"

A half sob, half laugh escaped me, "I… I'm on a pirate ship because I'm a pirate, but I never even wanted it… I never wanted to be a pirate… but I never had a choice… I was born to it… and I was picked up by pirates… what are the fucking odds…?"

"I… I don't have a reason to be a pirate anymore…" tears leaked slowly from my eyes, each breath shaky, "The entire reason I kept being a pirate was because it's what my family was… but now… now the only people I have a connection to are friends and a lover…" A worrying thought occurred to me, "A lover that may have moved on…"

"Then why do you want to go back?" I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sudden voice behind me, sending the toucan fluttering away with an unhappy squawk. With a soft sound, Bonney hoisted herself up onto the edge of the crows nest beside me, "If she isn't waiting for you anymore, why go back?"

I stared at her for a moment before sighing and wiping the tears away, "I kind of came up here to be alone Bonney."

She snorted as she balanced her ass on the edge of the wooden basket, "And you're talking about leaving my crew," she rebutted, "I kind of need to know what the decision is."

"You know what I mean," I socked her in the arm with a frown before slumping forward, resting my elbows on my knees.

"Yeah," she growled, rubbing her arm before giving me a shove, "I mean you're up here moping."

I glared at her, but she met my gaze unflinchingly. I looked away first, sighing as my gaze dropped to the deck well below us, "I'm up here to try and figure out what the flying fuck I want to do with my life."

Bonney snorted in amusement, "That's easy, whatever you want."

"Yeah, but what do I want?" I fired back before sniffling some, wiping my nose of the snot my near crying had brought on, "That's the problem."

"That's not an easy question?" she made it a question.

"No. Not in the sense of 'what do I want enough to risk my life for'."

Realization dawned on Bonney's face for a moment before a more calculating look overtook it, "Money?"

I shrugged, shifting some to get more comfortable sitting on the edge of the crows nest, "Never really mattered to me. I don't care about money or treasure so much as the stuff you get with it."

"Respect?" Turning to the woman beside me, I raised an eyebrow at her in disbelief, getting an amused snort, "Yeah, you don't give a fuck about that either. Power?"

"I'm already more terrifying than the vast majority of people you'll meet in the four Blues," I pointed out, watching the sun dip towards the horizon, the sky a splash of colors, "And I have no real desire to lord over people."

"What about that whole 'knowledge is my treasure' bullshit?"

"It is. The question is whether it's a treasure worth risking my life over. I can learn stuff while on Gin- Mireniamu, just not as much as I could on the Grand Line." I was quiet for a moment, musing on that, "And I don't think it is worth my life, not to me, not in comparison to a quiet life experimenting and learning."

Bonney grunted, obviously trying to think of something else to dangle in front of me as a carrot to keep me here, "So you'll be leaving the crew to go back to your girlfriend."

"At the end of Paradise, the first half of the Grand Line… yeah. I think I will."

"Even if she's not waiting for you anymore?" Bonney asked, pressing, "Even if she's moved on?"

I looked out at the ocean, a small smile on my face, "To be fair, we're friends first, lovers second." While I'd be sad if she'd have moved on, it wouldn't shatter my heart into itsy bitsy pieces and we could still get along provided her new squeeze wasn't a douchenozzle in need of a facepunching.

"Really." Bonney said, packing quite a bit of disbelief into the word.

"Really really," I fired back, amused by her disbelief, "We've only been able to be together for maybe a week or two at a time, usually less and with months in between." While I cared for Ami, I wouldn't have said I loved her. The potential was there, but… we'd never really been together long enough for that to happen.

"So… why go back?" Bonney asked, seeming genuinely curious, "If she's barely family, if you barely know her, why give up your freedom to chain yourself to her?"

"Tchah! Because I don't want to die," I pointed out, grinning a bit before my face melted into a more melancholy expression, "And without a reason to be a pirate any more it… it'd be nice to settle down."

After a moment of staring at me, she deadpanned, "… you're eighteen."

"I've been sailing since I was born," I countered, "And pirating isn't what I wanted to do with my life anyways."

"… so you're going to leave." Bonney said quietly, looking out at the sea as the Cake rocked quietly in the waves.

Elbowing her arm gently, I reminded her, "Not until the end of the first half of the Grand Line. I said I wouldn't ditch you and I meant it. And fuck everyone that says otherwise, I'm going to do everything I can to ensure y'all can survive the New World. But when we get to the end of the Grand Line, I'm going to return to Gin- Mireniamu and at least give life off a boat a shot." Again.

Bonney crossed her arms, purple eyes scowling out at the ocean as she sat beside me. After a few moments silence, she sighed, "I don't like it, but it's your life. Do what the fuck you want."

"Of course I will," I gave her a small grin, "Pirate."

She raised an eyebrow at me, seemingly torn between amusement and frustration, "I thought you didn't want to be one ya' ass."

My smile faded as the sun disappeared beneath the horizon, "… what we want isn't always the way reality is."

-o-

The McPuffin Part 1 End