Disclaimer: This chappie has the lyrics to the song "When the Lights are Down" by Kamelot... I do not own it.

- - -

Chapter Eleven: The Forgotten Past

- - -

"I've traveled alone to my mother's grave before. I'm still alive aren't I?"

He stared into her navy orbs, the blaze within them flooring him as it always did. His skin flushed as he glanced away, trying desperately to look as though his claws were interesting. He could feel her love for him radiate off her body from under the deer pelt on her shoulders, the drifting snowflakes around them not able to stanch the warmth of her smile.

Starting slightly when he felt a fluffy fixture come into contact with his left hand, he looked up to see her extending the hide towards him, his grin played across her face. "Here, take this. You can sell it and use the money to buy supplies." He gripped the fur tightly, wishing it was her within his grasp instead. He pulled it away from his body, trying to give it back in silent protest, but was left bewildered as she shook her head. "I don't need it anymore." She pushed it back, her smile broadening. "I won't freeze." Defeated, he attached the hide to his belt, frowning slightly at her stubbornness.

He suddenly felt her soft hand cup his left cheek, and fell into her sapphire depths in wonder, his eyes shutting as he felt her thumb caress his cheekbone. He stood stock still, not able to move, and not wanting to. A small sigh from her form brought his warming gaze upon her once again, his eyes the only part of him showing her the affection he longed to give her fully. She stepped closer to him; her hand remained where it was as her body pressed gently against his, taking his breath away. Pushing herself onto the tips of her toes, she used the present contact with his cheek to bring his face nearer, her blazing orbs never leaving his.

"You don't need to protect me all the time," she whispered to him as their noses touched. Her eyes closed, leaving his own to widen in shock as he felt her soft lips graze his. Not knowing how to react, his body tensed, his limbs shaking with restraint from pulling her ever closer. His flesh immediately began to burn, the flame she had placed within his heart exploding into an inferno.

Slipping slightly on the snow beneath her, she leaned more into him as she almost lost her balance. His arms grabbed her on instinct, and he found himself holding her tightly, the kiss never breaking as his eyes closed. He breathed in her scent deeply, his muscles relaxing, vowing right then that he would never allow her to be hurt again.

Suddenly, to his despair, she broke the contact, a small blush on her face. With a tiny grin, she stepped back, his gaze upon her every move. Her thumb resumed its caresses, but it did not have the previous effect as a longing feeling consumed him. She looked around them, noting that the snowfall had ceased, leaving a thick, white blanket upon the clearing where they stood. She returned her eyes to his half closed ones, his smile once again gracing her features.

"I will await you here." She ambled away from him, her hand turning his face after her, and her fingers tracing his magenta stripes as they drifted down to his chin. Her gaze remained upon him as her hand fell away; her saddened eyes willing him trust her. Turning, she began her trek down the snow laden trail, looking back only once, her eyes fearless and blazing with compassion and understanding.

"Don't worry so much Sesshomaru… I'll be alright…"

- - -

Sesshomaru sighed in frustration as the memory flashed in his mind. Shifting his position near the rock he was sitting next to, the daiyokai tried to regain focus on his adversary, but he found his mind wandering back to the girl. Unbidden pain flushed in his chest as he remembered the death of the yokai woman, a white hot anger coursing through him as he tried to recollect her name. Unable to, he forced himself away mentally from her blazing eyes, his soul jumping within him as his flesh began to burn.

Just who was this girl and how could she make the mighty Sesshomaru fall into such weaknesses?

For that reason alone, he told himself he hated her, even though his heart told him otherwise.

Rules without exceptions last eternally. Every move you make creates your destiny.

The law that he went by flashed into his mind, but the words couldn't penetrate the fire rising within him as he remembered her sapphire orbs. His frozen heart began to pound violently, threatening to break its icy cage. The night he found her blood returned to him, the pain growing as regret filled him.

I've come to soak my sorrow in halo black, as black as the seal on my soul.

Already, he could feel his spirit fight against the invisible chains fastening it away tightly. He had sealed his soul when Naraku had tried to take it from him, but now he was tempted to release it as its struggles heightened the agony flaming in his chest.

Cause when the lights are down there's no more to say.

And there wasn't. No matter what he told himself, he knew he could never get rid of the truth that he felt raging inside the fire in his flesh. Her memory returned, and the ache increased, making him wince underneath his icy exterior. As he opened his eyes, he could feel hers burning into him as though she was standing before him.

Love is the real pain, an internal revolution in our minds.

It was just that simple. He had loved her, and always would.

And when the lights are down, you're so far away.

He knew she was beyond his reach, the painful memory of her death flooding his very being. He sucked in the cool night air as he tried to block out the pain. Closing his eyes tightly, he realized, with growing despair, that she couldn't be erased from him easily. In one excruciating heartbeat, he knew that he would never be free of her.

She was haunting him.

Tell me your real name. In the silence of the darkness we unite.

He could almost feel her touch as he wished for her presence. His temple throbbed as he tried to recollect her name, but ended up praying to her very soul to help him remember. He waited vainly for the name to return to him, but was greeted, instead, by a phantom sensation on his cheek, his lips burning at the memory of his first kiss.

Rules without exceptions last eternally. Every move you make creates your destiny.

His law returned, but without the same amount of force as it came in a whisper, and he easily forced it away, to absorbed in the fire within him to care. Then, the pain grew stronger, almost flooring him as the recollection of her death hit him once more, the scent of her blood faintly recurring as he shuddered.

What can protect me from the past and all the things that I have done?

It was true that he was merciless, and couldn't help but wonder if she could ever love him if she had been able to see all the souls he had taken to hell, all the lives he had shattered.

She told me and then she was gone.

Her voice came back to him, all their varying conversations echoing in his mind. She had never truly told him she loved him, but he knew that she did. He hadn't either, and, unlike her, had never let his feelings for her break through to the surface of his frozen heart when she was aware of it.

Then she had left him forever, and he had never gotten the chance to try.

But when the lights are down there's no more to say.

The sudden frustration that rose within him diminished as he forced himself to realize that she didn't need to ever hear those three words. She had known him like no other had, so he didn't have to wonder if she knew how much he really loved her.

Deep in the shadows, where the last of my delusions made a stand.

He realized that she came to him only at the times he sought out solitude, almost as though her memory wanted him to remember something. Trying to rack his brain for possible answers, he only found disappointment that waited patiently for him.

Cause when the lights are down she'll take me away.

The moonless night gave him complete darkness and he drew it around him like a black blanket. He told his body to stay immobile and brought himself into the stillness of meditation. It didn't last.

Her eyes penetrated his in an apparitional stare, her voice coming to him in an echo that sent tremors down his spine. He could almost feel her cup his cheek and stroke his flesh, her lips coming to rest upon his. He shivered as his insides burst into heavenly flames, cringing as the pain grew more potent.

Deciding to give in to his soul, he focused on the ruins of the light she had given him once, and quickly found himself mentally recoiling in shock as wave upon wave of her memories suddenly exploded from him, finally free from the dark recesses of his mind.

- - -

He gaped as the girl cautiously approached him. As he studied her, he came to the conclusion that, if she were a mortal, she would be around fifteen or sixteen, but around his own age in demon years. Her plain orange kimono was blood and rain soaked, and clung to her slim body like a glove. Her beautiful jet black hair fell to the small of her back and her bangs were plastered to her forehead because of the moisture. Two triangles of midnight ears were barely visible at the top of her head, but her pale skin radiated on the simple glow of the lightning overhead. In a lightning strike, he could see that she was indeed a yokai, because she bore one crimson stripe on each cheek. But what really transfixed him were her sapphire eyes; how they lighted up with laughter and wisdom, how they studied him with each illumination from the storm… and how they floored him when he fell into them.

- - -

"Didn't I tell you it wasn't as hard as you thought it would be?!"

Finding it difficult to maintain his dog shape any longer, he sat down and slowly began to transform back into his more human form. When he came to, the first thing he noticed was that the girl's arms were, once again, around his shoulders, and her chin was resting against his mokomoko. Her smile was evident, even though he couldn't see her face, but her voice held composure as her arms enveloped him more closely in an awkward hug.

"You did it… I knew you could all along…"

He was amazed that he could make out her words, and was glad she was holding him tight, because he felt as though his emotions were going to go everywhere at once. Finding he couldn't even nod in acknowledgement, he just sat there listening to his pounding heart, as he tried to control his shaking limbs. He didn't think he would be able to stand for a while, so he didn't even try. Thankfully, she remained with him, fighting the tremors escaping his body. She simply held him to her, in fear he would shake apart, absolutely refusing to let him go.

But it was all right.

He didn't want her to anyways.

- - -

Fear shot through him as he watched her try to lunge at a foolish imp holding her bloody horn, but instead fall heavily to the earth, her power dissolving like mist.

Then the scent of her blood reached him, accompanied by a red hot rage that penetrated all his senses, causing him to lose himself in vengeance. Without hesitating, he attacked the yokai warriors that had begun to surround the fallen elemental. Crimson poison dripped from his fingers as he cut through their wretched bodies like they were nothing, killing one or two at a time, never stopping. Power coursed through his body as he destroyed them all, not able to stop himself, and not wanting to.

Only a few seconds later, his rage evaporated when the last of the woodland yokai disintegrated before his eyes. For a few moments, all he could do was stare at his black hands, the stench of demon blood covering the smell of his poison. Shaking slightly, he wiped his hands on his belt then looked down to see a bloody horn in front of him. As he grabbed it, a sudden fear pierced his heart, as strong as poison, and just as deadly.

Turning swiftly, he ran to his fallen companion, stunned at the amounts of blood staining the ground around the mare. He lowered himself to his knees beside her and placed her head in his lap, hoping insanely that she would be alive.

She was.

- - -

"No matter the circumstance, we will never forget each other. Even if we part, we will be there to help one another. We will never forget how we rescued one another on our journey, or how we cared for the well being of each other." She leaned forward until their noses were touching, her eyes blazing with determination. "Nor will we ever forget the promise that is made here tonight." She watched as his walls began to crumble, his icy resolve melting away at the heat of her fire. "I promise to do this… Do you Sesshomaru?"

With those words spoken, he fell into the warmth of her eyes; his barriers crumbling, as he allowed the warmth of her depthless eyes fill him. Staring at her seriously, he resisted grabbing her shoulders to pull her close and whispered to her quietly, sincerity a heavy burden upon every word.

"I promise."

Then his defenses shattered completely as he felt the heat of her lips rest on his cheek. It was swift, but it was enough. Fire torched his skin and spread throughout his body, burning through his pride, and melting away all the ice within him. He could feel her warmth penetrate his mind and battle with his soul. In one painful moment, he could feel his frozen heart melt and begin to beat freely again, a freedom that he hadn't experienced since he was a young boy. In moments, she broke through all the barricades he had spent years building, threatening to burn him up in emotions that were fighting to free themselves from his hold. When the inferno died down to a steady flame, he found himself reluctantly back in reality, the dark void of frozen earth surrounding him.

But he no longer welcomed the cold; he wanted to bask in the warmth.

The warmth only she could give him.

- - -

The signs of struggle were prominent around the clearing with the imprints in the snow, the air heavy with an evil demonic aura and death.

But it was the blood that sickened him.

Demon blood.

Her blood.

She had warmed his heart, and he had vowed to protect her at all costs. The new bond between them had pulsed with unyielding power as they made it to the end of their journey. That had been weeks ago, when they had broken free of the mountain side and the sea was visible on the horizon. Wanting to find his father without delay, he had told her he was going to the villages to gather information about the great dog demon's whereabouts. Knowing him, like she had always been able to, she had told him that she wanted to visit her mother's grave, and that she would meet him in the clearing where he now stood.

She had said that only to give herself an excuse to let him be alone, just like he had wanted at that moment. His arm shook as he restrained from punching the tree he was next to with a vengeance, wanting to cry out her name in the agony he felt screaming in his chest. Instead, he fell to his knees next to the red puddle, the anger at himself almost overwhelming as it consumed him with the awareness that he had let her go without his protection.

Because of him, she suffered; because of his foolishness, she had died.

She had left him forever without his knowledge; cold and alone, by the hand of another, she had slipped out of this world and into the next without him, without knowing how much he truly cared.

With a hesitant and shaking claw, Sesshomaru grabbed a handful of the tainted snow, white hot pain constantly tormenting his heart as found the faint aroma of her scent almost covered by the tang of her blood. He brought the painful symbol closer to his eyes, not even his pride able to deny the inevitable proof that, as his heart broke, she was eternally gone from him.

Eternally out of his reach.

- - -

Returning to the present, Sesshomaru forced his trembling body to remain straight, as he found himself leaning forward, his chest dangerously close to connecting with the ground. He closed his eyes in awe, the power of her memories still radiating heat around his soul. Their promise returned to him, and he hated himself for forgetting. Shaking his head to clear it, he found the color of her eyes flooding into the darkness of his mind, bringing the relief he needed for his pounding heart.

Tell me her real name, and in death we'll live the love we never had.

He could feel her within him, her voice calling his name softly. He wanted her to take him away from the world right then, wanting vainly to tell her how much he loved her. Forcing his mind to slow down, he concentrated on a peaceful feeling to quiet his raging thoughts.

For a moment, all was silent within him.

Then, his eyes opened slowly, the pain still blaring in his chest lessening as joy filled him. The flame in his heart threatened to explode again as he looked up at the moonless sky, refusing to let the darkness back in, the strength of the fire under his flesh fighting it back.

"Ceotae…"

Her name floated off his tongue easily, his voice able to say it over and over again without breaking. The anger at himself dissolved into nothing as he realized, with growing pride, that he had kept his promise. His body filled to the brink with happiness, his eyes losing their iciness for the first time in a long time.

For the rest of the night, the joyous feeling clung to him like a burr, but he didn't mind because he was unafraid of her memoirs, knowing that she would be happy in the heavens.

He knew she would be smiling.

And if she wasn't, it didn't matter, because he found himself losing his iciness within the navy blaze of her memories; a blaze so potent that fresh recollections arose, a flame so familiar, he welcomed it.

An inferno so amazing, it gave him the strength he needed to smile.

- - -