First, for those who haven't seen it yet, I made a little modification of chapter 9, and I also made an apology for my awkward choose of words, explaining that no offence were intended. I'm sorry again.

That being said, thanks for your reviews... Ok here's chapter 11...there's some troubles in paradise...

Enjoy,

So ;)

ps:scuby Ô great scuby, without you, no story...thanks for helping me ;-) (nice rhyme don't you think:-p)

Chapter 11

I get home – well at Nancy's – sporting a goofy smile. I'm absolutely ecstatic, bordering on euphoric. Nancy's in the kitchen reading a book on the island – don't ask me why, but it's one of her favourite places to read. I go to her and kiss her neck playfully at first, before I put her book aside before claiming her lips for an electric kiss.

She giggles at my behaviour. I pull back a little. "Hey babe," I greet her before kissing her again.

She laughs in our kiss before pulling back a little. "Someone's in a good mood today," she states. I just hum in response as my mouth is already engaged on her neck. One of her hands is in my hair to hold me on a spot she likes. When I hear her moan a little, I make my way up to her lips. "Can I have the same pill?" she teases me.

I just chuckle. "Guess what?" I ask her with a smile, before pecking her lips gently.

"What?" she replies amused.

"I got it," I answer mysteriously with a waggle of my eyebrows. She shakes her head with questioning eyes. "Jeremy's gift."

Her smile fades away immediately, she pales a little. I think I know why she reacts like that. I just hoped it wouldn't be that bad. I talk before she gets the chance. "I know we've talked about it and that you didn't want me to buy him that gift because it was expensive and way too much… but please hear me out. I wanted him to have something special because it's his birthday. Once a year he gets to be spoiled, and if you had seen is eyes when he saw it in the store window then you would understand why I bought it. And I want this birthday to be as special for him as it is for me…I've never been in events like this and I can't way to see his eyes getting as round as saucer plates when he unwraps his gift." I confess.

Jeremy and Allan love model cars. They had three little jewels with motors, too damn good and realistic to be labelled as toys. The other day we went to a shop that specialized in those things to get some parts for the motors of one of the car, and there was a new one being displayed in the shop window and Jeremy just stood in awe staring at it. He had sparkling eyes and such an expression on his face that I just knew I had to get this model for him.

"Don't be mad at me. I didn't mean it wrong," I plead my case.

She refuses to look at me and seems more upset as time goes. I get the sick feeling that something is wrong and that it has nothing to do with me buying Jeremy something she didn't want me to buy. I cup her face gently and force her to look at me. I kiss her softly on the lips, it's a kiss mean to say that I love her, that I'm here for her no matter what's bothering her.

She looks at me with pain filled eyes. "She said that she won't come if you're here," she whispers.

"What?" I ask her confused.

"She said that she won't come if you're here," she repeats more firmly. "I told her that it was unfair, that I didn't want to choose, and that she didn't have the right to do this to me…" she trails off.

Please don't let this happen to me. I can feel it coming, raging gut-wrenching hurt. I can feel my stomach turning into a tight knot. I will myself not to lose it now, maybe, just maybe, it won't be as bad as I think it will.

"I fought, I really did…I begged … I don't want you to think that I didn't do anything, because I did…" she says crying.

I feel myself going numb, feeling this vicious pain creeping in my whole body, slowly surrounding my heart.

She looks at me again. "She's his godmother. She's never missed a birthday…" she's struggling with her words almost choking on them. "You said it yourself, it's his birthday. It is his special day. I know you won't mind her being here, but if you're there, she would make a scene or worse turn around and walk away. I can't take that chance. I mean it's my son's birthday, I can't take the risk to ruin it, can I?"

I feel like my heart has been carved out of my chest with a spoon. I feel numb for a moment. I'm hurting so much that I don't feel anything anymore. "I can come to the party, right?" I ask even though I know the answer.

I look at her and her eyes confirm that I got her right. "Okay," I say flatly.

"Okay?" she repeats surprised. I just look at her without any emotion. "Okay? Is that all you have to say?" she asks me with a shocked tone.

"Yeah, okay," I say again. I can feel my hurt slowly changing into anger, a cold anger.

"Don't you be okay with it!" she says harshly physically pushing me away. She's crying and now she's upset about my passivity. "Don't you be okay with it," she repeats pushing me again.

All the defences I had let crumble down, rise up again. I feel my heart getting cold, and a hot acid travelling through my veins. "When did you plan on telling me this?" I ask her coldly.

I've been talking about Jeremy's birthday all week and not once she told me that we might have a problem. She didn't say anything about Catherine's ultimatum. Once more I feel like I was the fool in this story.

"I spent my week fighting with Catherine. I thought I could convince her…" she replies firmly.

I just nod a little, still not showing any emotion. I can see her getting more upset as my silence lasts. "Bloody hell, say something," she begs me.

I snort bitterly. "What do you want me to say? That it hurts? Well, it doesn't hurt. It's worse actually, and 'hurt' doesn't even start to cover it," I tell her with a harsh tone.

She's hurt by my reaction I can see that much, but right now I don't really care. "I'm sick of this," I say with a sigh. "I'm sick of feeling like I am being fooled, sick of feeling like I am the only one fighting for this relationship," I elaborate.

"I never come to you with anything, but damn I've been putting up with a lot, just to be with you. If it wasn't for your lie, I wouldn't have to put up with Catherine treating me worse than shit, fucking with my job like she does. But I do put up with this because I love you and want to be with you. Yet, I'm the only one biting the dust here," I continue. Nancy's crying a little more, her hurt growing with each new word.

"If I hadn't lied we wouldn't be together," she says in a whisper.

"That's true. But right now I'm thinking that maybe it wouldn't have been such a bad thing seeing where it's led us," I reply.

"Do you mean it?" she asks with shock clouding her features, crying harder.

"Yes, I do," I say harshly. "Because all I see right now is that I'm the only one fighting for something we both want."

"I'm fighting!" she protests.

I shake my head. "No, you're not! Just because you spent your week having argument over the phone with her, doesn't mean you're fighting! All you're doing is hiding and waiting, hoping that things will be okay someday. But it won't happen like that! So no, you're not fighting!"

"I'm not hiding!" she spits.

"Oh yeah? I don't remember you facing her or actually trying to make things change! And nothing will change until you actually find the guts to go to her and stand up for me!" I shout.

I've never seen as much pain in her eyes as right now. She's looking away from me, trying but failing to contain her sobs. A part of me is aching to take her in my arms, and is more than ashamed to know that I'm the reason for her crying right now. But the other part of me – the more powerful part at the moment – is just plain pissed off and hurt and doesn't want to let it go.

I keep looking at her for some time before talking again. "I need some air," I announce with a neutral voice "Don't wait for me I don't think I'll come back," I take a deep breath. "Actually I might stay at my apartment for a while. I think I need some time away from you… from all this," I say with a lump in my throat.

I don't wait for her response before making my way out.

xxxxx

I drive around not really wanting to go back to my apartment. I've been driving for the last hour, hoping to cool off. The thing I like about driving is that it has a soothing effect on me and right now that's exactly what I need. It's not really working today though. I can't help but thinking about Nancy and our fight.

We never really fought before. Today was our real first fight. We seldom fight because we're talking to each other a lot. We're great in the communication department. Or at least until today we were great. Whenever something is not right we talk about it, we always prevent the fights so to speak.

The things I told her were weighing on my chest for a while now and I just didn't tell her when I should have. Instead, I kept it inside and let it eat me alive, and it just exploded in Nancy's face earlier. I'm not so much pissed about telling her what I felt as I am about the way I told her.

Now that I think about it, I know that the reason I didn't tell her anything was because I was afraid to put our relationship on the line. I know I love her and that she loves me. I'm not doubting her feelings at all. But just because she loves me doesn't mean she's ready to make all kind of sacrifices.

I hurt her, deeply. And now that my anger is just like a pile of ashes, I berate myself for hurting her. I have felt nauseous since I left her. Just the thought that I could lose her right now is turning me upside down.

Damn it! I can't lose her like that! Not because of Catherine! I just can't lose her; period! I feel my chest tightening just at the thought of losing her. Great, I'm heaving now because I'm having a panic attack. I really fucked things up today.

Now that I'm a bit cooler, I start to really catch up with what happened today. I know what Nancy tried to tell me, but I felt so disappointed not to be allowed to be there at Jeremy's birthday. I was really looking forward to it. You know, I really felt like I was becoming a part of a family with Nancy and the boys, and today was the wake up call. I'm not a part of the family, well not a real one.

Sure I'm not happy that Nancy gave up, but I get her point. I mean, I can be in Catherine's presence and act civil. She, on the other hand, keeps on pushing my buttons so we can fight. And I'd be really pissed at myself if I ruined Jeremy's birthday because Catherine can't stand me.

I don't like to surrender, and if it was any other day I wouldn't. I would go even if her Highness of Bitchyland doesn't want me to. But it's Jeremy's birthday, I just can't ruin that day. I think that's what Nancy tried to tell me. That she didn't make the choice she wanted, but the one in the best interest of her son.

The thing is that I reproached Nancy with not doing a thing, when I'm no better. Sure I put up with Catherine everyday, but I let her get it away with all her crap. I don't fight back, and I've stopped trying to bring her to see things differently a while ago. I let her treat me like less than nothing, when that's not me. I'm not one to let people treat me like that.

What really hurts me in all this, is that I feel like Catherine is taking my life away from me. She just ruins the most important thing for me, and she's doing it…hell, I don't know why she's doing it!

I finally stop the car not far from my apartment. I have to talk to Nancy, to tell her how sorry I am for earlier. We have issues to fix, but I don't want to lose her. I love her too damn much for that.

I take my cell phone and dial her number by heart. I hold my breath and will myself to calm down.

"Flynn residence," her voice is shaky. And even if she tried to sound composed, you can tell that she's been crying and that she probably still is at the moment.

I swallow hard. I feel really bad right now. I never wanted to hurt her "I'm sorry," I simply say. I want to say more, but my mind is numb.

I hear her sighs. I can only imagine that she's trying not to burst into tears again. There's a long pause which scares me a little. The only thing I hear is her smothered sob and her irregular breathing. Please tell me that I can fix this.

"You hurt me," she finally says.

"I know. I'm sorry," I repeat.

"The things you said…"

"Babe…" I try to cut her off.

"No. Listen to me!" she pleads "Those things are true, you're right I didn't stand up for you like I should have, but damn you really hurt me Sara," she says with a trembling voice.

I feel like there was a hand crushing my heart tight. Just the fact that she uses my full name says a lot. "I know, please forgive me," I reply.

A long silence settles between us again. I'm holding my breath, really hoping that I haven't screw things up too badly. "Do you want me to leave you alone?" I ask uncertain. I can feel my throat getting tight and tears watering my eyes.

After what I said I wouldn't blame her if she said yes. I insinuated that being together was a mistake and told her that I needed a break from her. But the truth is that being with her is the best thing happening to me in a long time and I want everything but taking a break from her.

"I want you to come back home to me, please," she finally replies. I feel a bit relieved, because that means there's a chance for me to fix things and make amend. I close my eyes tightly, a tear run free on my cheek but I brush it with my hand.

"I'm on my way."

"Be careful," she adds.

"I will," I assure her. "Babe?" I call her back.

I want to tell her that I love her but then decide against it. I'll wait to be with her. "I'll be there soon," I say instead, and with that I hang up.

Twenty minutes later, I'm turning my key in Nancy's front door again. I go in and close the door behind me. Nancy is on the couch sitting motionlessly. I sit next to her. She knows I'm here, but she hasn't spared me a look yet.

"I'm sorry I let you down," she says with a little voice. "I could find so many excuses for myself, but none could justify my behaviour. Somewhere I just resigned myself to the way things are, and you're right, I didn't really stand up for you or this relationship."

She's not looking at me when she speaks. "I love you and I don't want to lose you. I swear that I'll stop hiding starting tomorrow."

I wait a moment in case she wants to talk again. I take her hand in mine. "So will I," I answer which makes her look at me in surprise. "I stopped fighting when I let her treat me like she does without actually doing anything about it," I explain myself. I cup her face with my other hand and brush away the tears. "I love you, too. And we're going to face this together," I say before kissing her gently on the lips and taking her in my arms.

xxxxx

"Hey big guy," I announce entering Jeremy's room, once he has invited me in.

"Hey," he replies with a smile.

"Listen, you won't like what I'm going to say, but I can't be there tomorrow for your party," I say feeling every word burning my tongue.

"What? But you promised! And I want you to meet my friends," he exclaims.

"I know, I just can't be there," I simply say, not wanting to lie to him by making an excuse about work. I already feel bad as it is for breaking my word.

At this moment, I hate Catherine Willows for making me disappoint Jeremy, and taking some sparkles off his eyes.

"I tell you what though, we'll have another party. Or better yet, you can invite your friends next weekend and I'll take you all to Adventure Dome or wherever you want. I know it's not much, but I want to make it up to you," I offer.

"You'd do that?"

"Yeah," I reply with a smile.

"Alright, but you also have to call me tomorrow at 4 o'clock. on the dot and sing for me," he says extending his hand to me.

I take it and seal our deal, "Okay."

xxxxx

It's Saturday morning and in a few hours, I'll have to get away just before Catherine's arrival…

Nancy and I are making breakfast for the boys who aren't up yet. I enjoy my time with Nancy, I feel really sad to have to go. Right now, we just can't get away from each other's arms.

We have talked a lot last night after our fight. We surely have a lot to deal with and we've decided to do so after Jeremy's birthday.

"Good morning," Jeremy's voice says as he comes into the kitchen. Nancy and I are holding each other against the counter. I have my back against the counter and am holding her around her waist from behind. We lift our heads up and smile at him.

"Good morning," we answer in chorus. Nancy disentangles herself from me and goes to him. She hugs him tightly.

"Happy birthday, sweetie," she says with a smile and Jeremy just beams in response.

"Thank you mom," he replies.

"I love you, babe. Jeez, I can't believe you're thirteen today," Nancy says with pride and a sweet smile.

I wait until Nancy lets go of him before hugging him as well. "Happy birthday, big guy."

"Thanks Sara," he answers squeezing me a little. I pull back with a smile and shuffle his hair a bit.

Nancy serves him his breakfast. Allan comes in and hugs his brother from behind putting his arms around Jeremy's shoulders. "Happy birthday, squirt!" he jokes.

"Well, now that the both of you are awake, I have a little something for you," I announce before producing two envelopes, handing one to each of them. "That's my first gift," I say with a smile.

"You got me something? But it's not my birthday," Allan says confused.

"I know, but I wanted this day to be special as well," I wink at him.

"Wicked!" he exclaims.

They open their envelopes and smiles form on their lips instantly. They look at each other and compare the content of their envelopes.

"What is it?" Nancy asks curious.

"We're going to go make some kart racing!" they both say at the same time. They get up and hug me from both side and thank me in unison.

I feel my heart bursting with happiness all of a sudden as I hug them back. "Now, Jeremy I gave your gift to your mom, that way you'll open it with the rest later," I explain.

"Cool!" he beams again.

We share a nice breakfast like a family then the time for me to go comes. I tell the boys goodbye as they're going to get ready for the party.

I spend ten minutes just holding Nancy as close as possible to me. Then, soon it's time for me to go.

"I don't want you to go," Nancy pouts.

I cup her face gently with both hands. "I know. It's going to be okay," I reply kissing her.

We deepen the kiss as if it was the last time we are ever going to kiss each other again. We pull back when oxygen gets more important than our need.

"I love you," I tell her with all my heart.

"I love you, too," she tells me back.

"I'll call you," I say before kissing her again. Then I pull back because I know that if I don't leave now, I won't be able to do it later.

I feel my heart growing heavy with pain and anger as I walk out the door. Pain because of what I'm going to miss, and anger toward Catherine for taking that away from me.

Well, I don't want you to think that I'm taking one side in particular, I mean even though I do give a hard time to Cath doesn't mean that she's the only one who's going to take blows here...

Thanks for reading.