Hey my lovely readers! :) Once again, I'd just like to take a moment to thank you all for leaving such amazing motivation for me after that last chapter. You are all way too sweet! I am so glad to have such a great response to this story. It truly does make writing it much easier when I'm writing for you guys! So this chapter has us focus back on Clare and her inward struggle. It turned out a lot different than what I had in my mind when I began writing it. But hey, sometimes the characters just write the story for me and that definitely happened with this one. So please enjoy! :)

"You don't have to walk me to my internship, Eli. I actually have the day off today."

But what about the day after that? I groan as I realize I have to come up with a better excuse.

Maybe I can just sneak out of school quickly after the final bell before Eli finds me at my locker. Then if he asks, I can just say that they are making me start earlier than usual so I have to leave school as soon as the bell rings to make it on time.

But what if he says he'll leave just as quickly with me?

"Everyone at The Toronto Daily contracted mad cow disease so the offices are closed."

But what about when he sees copies of the newspaper and no one mentions anything about it?

"My boss sexually harassed me and I was too afraid to tell you."

Frankly, I'd much rather go with the mad cow disease than that last one.

I slam my locker shut in frustration.

"So I take out my frustrations on paper and you take out your frustrations on your locker. We make a pretty stable couple, don't you think?"

I turn around and give Eli a small smile. "I like to think so."

He laughs before leaning against the locker next to mine. "Clare, about Saturday –"

I cut him off. "Let's just forget it happened, okay?"

He sighs and remains quiet for a few moments. "I have something I need to tell you, and I'm not sure how you're going to react, but we agreed to be honest with each other."

My forehead creases in worry. "What's wrong?" I ask him. I haven't seen this look on Eli in a while. For the most part, he's kept himself happy enough that this expression of sadness and disappointment has almost become foreign to my sight. For a second, I think he has somehow figured it out. He must have picked up on all my strange behavior on Saturday. He must know what Asher did to me. And he must be angry at me for keeping this from him and disappointed at that same fact. I bring my hands together and twist my purity ring around as they begin to slightly shake. I try and blink back the burning in my eyes as I realize how deep of a hole I have fallen into.

"After you left, I was confused, worried. I couldn't really think straight." I watch as he fists his hands at his sides and stares at his feet. His next words are barely a whisper and I have to strain my ears to hear him above the noise of the Degrassi hallway. "I almost forgot to take my medication."

My eyes widen in shock. If there's anything different about Eli, it's the fact that he has remained responsible for his health. It's clearly his priority and I wouldn't want it any other way. But hearing this…knowing it's my fault Eli could have missed his prescription, I look down at the ground ashamed.

Ashamed that I caused this distraction and slightly ashamed that I'm glad he didn't say what I thought he would. My face scrunches up as I realize how selfish I am being.

"Eli," I mumble. He glances up at me from under his eyelashes. I understand exactly what Eli needs right now. It's my support and my understanding. What he doesn't need is for me to tell him what happened at the office a few nights ago. What he doesn't need is for me to put even more weight on his shoulders. So instead, I reach out and gently pry at his fingers, unfisting his hands. I slip my hands into his. "I'm so sorry I ran out like that. I can't even explain to you how sorry I am for confusing you so much. I promise you that I will do everything I can to be more understanding of your condition."

His head snaps up at my response. "What are you talking about?"

I look up into his alert eyes. "It's my fault you forgot. If I wasn't so dramatic, if I –"

"Clare, that's not why I told you. I don't need or want an apology. I just," he trails off. I decide to wait for him to formulate his thoughts. After a few moments, he speaks up. "I know it may not seem that important to some people to miss one medication. But it is to me. And it just didn't feel right keeping something from you that was pretty damn scary for me."

The irony of all this makes me want to cry. Right here, right now. In the middle of the hallway. Because I can't handle how much every part of me on the inside is shattering and screaming against my dishonesty to someone who gives me nothing but openness. I don't deserve that.

I give his hands a tight squeeze. "Thank you for telling me. You know what, Eli?" He looks up at me. "It takes a lot of courage to admit you're scared. And it takes a lot of maturity to want to be so responsible for your health. You've been nothing but strong since you've been diagnosed. One minor slip doesn't change that."

I watch as his frown slightly curves into a small smile. "You know exactly what I need to hear, Edwards."

I respond with a smile of my own. "Just doing my job," I state.

"Just doing my job, Ms. Edwards." I slightly jump back as Asher's deep voice from that very first day at The Toronto Daily sounds in my mind.

Eli looks at me with furrowed brows and worried eyes. "Is everything okay?"

I bring my widened eyes to look at him. "Y-yeah, everything is fine." He gives me a doubtful look. "I just, um, got the chills all of a sudden." I laugh under my breath.

"You're wearing a cardigan," he states matter of factly.

I mentally slap myself for coming up with the worst possible excuse. "Right, but it's pretty thin fabric. The cold comes through sometimes."

I scan my eyes around the hallway, trying to look anywhere but at him. "Oh," he responds.

I hear him moving so I bring my eyes back to him and watch as he drops his black backpack and shrugs his jacket off his shoulders.

Hey fate, you have a sick, weird sense of humor. "Eli, you don't have to –"

"Uh, yeah I do. Can't let my girl be cold now, can I?" He lifts his jacket up towards me as I drop my bag and turn around. I slowly slip my arms into the material and giggle to myself when the sleeves fall past my hands. I push them up before bending down and grabbing my bag.

"Don't laugh. It's a little big," I quickly state before he has a chance to tease me.

"Laugh?" He inquires. I watch as he reaches his arms for my waist and I slightly tense, but my body is beginning to get used to the feel of his touch again. Something I am very grateful for. I let him pull me closer towards him. "Clare, nothing is more damn attractive than seeing you in my clothes."

Before I even have a chance to blush at his comment, he angles down and touches his lips with mine. This my body did not have a chance to prepare for. And suddenly I'm no longer at Degrassi in Eli's embrace. I'm transported to that dark, cold office with Asher's hands holding me to him and his lips attacking mine. This can't be happening again.

I lift my hands to Asher's chest and push him away as hard as I can.

"Clare!"

Eli's voice snaps me out of the nightmare in my mind and brings me back to where I really am. My jaw drops and my eyes widen in shock as Eli is no longer right in front of me, but a few steps back. I remain frozen with my hands up and my feet glued to this spot.

"What the hell was that?" He asks me.

It dawns on me that I have no explanation. Not even a horrible excuse. I have nothing to describe to him why I reacted that way. I take a few steps backwards just as the bell rings somewhere in the distance. "I-I'm sorry," I tell him before turning around and walking towards my first class: chemistry.

Please don't follow me. Please don't follow me. Please don –

I feel his hand grasp mine before turning me towards him. "What just happened back there?" Eli asks me. After a few moments of my silence, I feel Eli's grip on my hand tightening just a little bit. "Clare," he says softly. "You have to give me something to work with. Why did you push me away?"

As gentle as his hands are, that grip is too much for me. "Let go of me. Please." I state with emphasis before trying to tug my hands from his.

He only tightens his grip more.

And all of a sudden his grip becomes Asher's. Strong, forceful. I almost sob in shame at allowing myself to make that comparison.

"Not until you tell me why."

"I don't know why," I whisper to him.

"That's not good enough, Clare."

I need to escape his grip, now. "Eli, I'm asking you to let go of me."

His expression shifts from confused to hurt. And I can't prevent my eyes from watering at the sight. He drops my hand and backs a few steps away from me. "You know what? Fine. I don't know what is going on with you and I don't know why you're acting like this, but when you finally feel like talking, come find me."

And with that he turns around and walks in the direction he came. Leaving me in the middle of the hallway with a few tears slowly making their way down my cheeks. I quickly wipe at them before making my way towards the classroom.

I take a few deep breaths in front of the door to calm my emotions knowing full well I can't walk into class looking like a mess.

None of this is fair. And I'm starting to get really angry at my situation. My boss harasses me and instead of karma deciding to go after him, Eli is forced to deal with the aftermath of what happened. At this point, I'd rather just struggle with all of this on my own. I can't burden Eli. I can't risk him forgetting his medication again. I can't be a trigger.

I just want to go back to before any of this happened. I want to be the girl before the attack. I want to be Clare Edwards, the happy and hopeful aspiring journalist. I don't want to be who I am right now. This isn't me. This emotional, confused, ashamed Clare who hurts the people she loves.

I want to be the girl who was ready for a drama free, fun year of high school.

I want to be the girl who was overjoyed every time Eli's hands held hers.

I want to be the girl who wasn't fearful every time she walked out the door.

I want to be the girl who didn't tense at every contact.

I want to be the girl who used to dream about everything and have nightmares about nothing.

I want to be the girl who was happy.

"Clare!" I look over to where Alli is attempting to run in her heels towards class. "We can't be late. What are you doing? Open the door."

As Alli gets closer to me, she stops in place. "What happened?" she asks in a concerned voice.

I bite my trembling lip. "I just really need my best friend right now."

And I let my eyes water again, but this time I do nothing to stop them.

Alli rushes over to me. "Okay, let me go and tell the teacher we'll be late. Hold on just a second."

I nod my head as she quickly rushes into the class. The sound of her heels echoes in the empty hallway. After a few more moments, she comes back outside. "She wasn't too happy, but I couldn't care less. Clare, what's going on?"

"Eli," I sob out.

Alli leads me over to a nearby bench. "What about Eli?"

"H-he got mad," I say as we both sit down.

"Why?" she asks in a low voice.

"Because I wouldn't tell him why I've been a little on edge these past few days." I look over at Alli. "I've been pushing him away both figuratively and literally." I laugh under my breath.

"What happened to make you do that?"

I take a few deep breaths before turning towards her. "I can't say it. If I say it out loud, it becomes real."

She looks at me with a worried expression. "Clare, you can't ignore something if it's bothering you this much. It's not going to go away that way."

"You think I don't know that?" I ask her. "I have tried everything to forget. Nothing works," I whisper.

She reaches out and holds my hand. I surprisingly don't flinch away. "I may not know what to say to you Clare, but I sure can listen."

I glance at her and realize that I'm only hurting myself and those around me by keeping all this inside. I have to tell someone. I'm not helping anyone by trying to deal with all this on my own. Maybe I shouldn't burden Eli with this since he has so much more to worry about, but Alli is someone I trust. And I think she might be able to carry some of this weight off of my shoulders. The weight that has been pushing down on my since Friday night.

"I'm sorry if I end up burdening you," I tell her.

She quickly shakes her head. "You're not."

I squeeze her hand in thanks before taking a deep breath. "You know my boss at the internship?"

Alli nods her head in response.

I close my eyes and transport myself to the scene of the attack. I relive it in my mind for a few moments. I take every detail in once again. I let my lips feel his. I let my cheek feel his hand's grasp. I let my nose smell his scent. I let my ears hear his husky voice. I let my heartbeat become rapid. I let my hands slightly shake in fear. I let the tears stream down my face. I let myself become overcome with every single emotion I possibly can in order to relay what happened to Alli.

I say the next words slowly. "He a-attacked me." I pause as I let that hang in the air for a moment. "He kissed me. He touched me. And I can't escape his grasp no matter how hard I try." I sob out.

"Oh my God, Clare."

"It's not fair Alli. I feel him everywhere. I can't even let Eli touch me because it reminds me of Asher."

"He sexually harassed you, Clare. Ignoring it isn't what you should be doing. You need to report him."

My eyes widen in shock. "No! I can't do that. T-that…It scares me, Alli. I can't," I trail off.

"But Clare how are you expected to deal with this while knowing he is getting off free? How is that supposed to help you move on?"

"I don't know!" I sob out. "But right now, I can't even think about doing that."

I hear Alli take a deep breath. "What about Eli? Don't you think he should know?"

I roughly shake my head back and forth. "I can't burden him with this. He's so busy with the musical, his NYU application, and dealing with his condition. I'm just trying to lessen his load. It would kill Eli to know this happened. He's always trying to keep me safe. I know Eli. He'll blame himself."

A few moments of silence follow as I'm sure Alli is contemplating all this in her mind. Finally, I hear her sigh before speaking up. "Whatever you need, you know I'm here."

I smile at her in gratitude before resting my head on her shoulder in emotional exhaustion from everything that happened this morning. As Alli embraces me, I can almost feel a little of my confusion and shame disappear. And the thought that maybe, just maybe, I can get through this echoes in my mind.

And there you have it my dears. The secret is out. But there is still a lot of unresolved issues between Clare and Eli that will just have to wait for the next chapter. Please feel free to leave your thoughts on this chapter! I love hearing from you guys! See you all very soon! :)