Chapter 11: Pretense
"You go on. You set one foot in front of the other, and if a thin voice cries out, somewhere behind you, you pretend not to hear, and keep going."―Geraldine Brooks, March
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"After forgetting him, are you confident that you will not fall in love with him again?"
Allen looked up at Neah in slight astonishment, only to realise that the adult wasn't looking at him when he said those words. He slowly averted his gaze to the front, and as he stared at the moving crowds, his eyes slowly widened in shock at Kanda who was standing there, staring at him. His heart wrenched tightly in response, and he was afraid that he would take back his words instantly. But even so, he could bring himself to turn away.
"No. That's why..."
His trembling hand slowly reached out to the other, clasping his hand shakily as though he was seeking for his silent support. Black eyes widened for a fraction as Neah turned and stared at him in astonishment.
"That's why... Help me." Allen bit his lip harder, tears falling out of his eyes as he tightened his grip.
"Please."
Allen felt something gripping his shoulder all of a sudden, and as he turned around, his silver eyes widened in shock as Neah leaned to his face, kissing the tip of his nose. His eyes were closed, his dark curls brushing against his ears in the briefest touch. Then, seconds later, that pair of black eyes opened, and that penetrating gaze alone was enough to send shivers along his skin. He suddenly felt uncomfortable seeing this side of Neah. He might have pampered him at times, but he never showed it openly.
And the worse thing was, Kanda witnessed every bit of it, his sapphire eyes narrowing into slits as he started walking towards them. His instinct acted by its own, his hands pressing on Neah's chest as Allen tried pushing him away, but Neah's arms just refused to budge. Allen shot a confusing look at the other, and Neah only smiled at him in return. In the midst of trying to get out of his grasp, he failed to hear the footsteps which gradually stopped in front of the table.
"And who might you be?" Neah asked in a teasing tone, fondling his silver hair. Silver eyes widened, and as he slowly turned, he met Kanda's sharp gaze which seemed to be colder and slightly fiercer than usual, as though he wasn't liking what he was seeing right now. Allen brushed Neah's hands off his shoulders as he looked away.
"Aren't you supposed to be resting at home after the discharge?" The sudden question from him startled him and Neah as the adult turned to him with a slight frown, his bewildered look on his face telling him inwardly to explain this situation. Allen shot a glare at Kanda, wondering whether he was doing this on purpose. His wide eyes looked around, before he suddenly stood up and grabbed Kanda's hand.
"Sorry, Neah! I need to talk to him about something!" Allen apologised quickly, not waiting for the other's reply as he pulled Kanda to the empty alley at the back of the cafe. Realising the position that they were in, he released his hand and kept a safe distance from him, leaning on the wall as he stared elsewhere. The two of them were silent for a moment, before he finally raised the first question.
"Why are you here?"
"I should be the one asking you. Why are you here when you are supposed to be resting at home?" Kanda asked. His eyes widened for a moment, wondering how he raised this question so easily. Why could he say those words so easily, as though it was out of obligation as a friend who was concerned over his health. But Kanda wasn't a person to show concern over people, especially towards him.
"I'm fine," Allen simply replied.
"Who is he?"
His tone was slightly hostile and angered, especially at the mention of the word 'he' which referred to Neah. Allen raised his eyebrow in slight bewilderment for a while, before he realised what he was talking about. He hung his head, his hair strands covering his face partially as he stared at the ground.
"He is my uncle. Mana's brother."
There wasn't any reason to hide since Kanda, Lenalee and Lavi knew about his childhood story in the past. He could see his long raven strands fluttering slightly in the wind from the side view, and he began to wonder why Kanda would even raise such a question. He was a person who would care less on anyone. Not swayed by other people's feelings, he chose his own path he wanted to take and moved forward. He wouldn't be bothered by such insignificant things around him, let alone Neah who wasn't even related to him in any way.
Allen felt something warm touching his forehead, and as he looked up, his eyes slowly widened in shock at Kanda's hand which was there as the raven-haired man leaned a little closer, his brows pressing together in a slight frown. His slender fingers slipped into his silver strands, and Allen gasped softly, his feet stepping back on their own as he stared at Kanda warily, not understanding what he really wanted.
"I see. You can go back to him now."
Before he realised it, Kanda was already gone. Silver eyes widened as Allen watched him walking out of the alley. He just stood there in a slight daze, trying to comprehend what had really happened for the last few minutes. The lingering warmth was still there, and he wasn't sure what he should do about it.
Allen let out a defeated sigh as he walked out of the alley. He glanced to the right, seeing Neah sitting at the same table, peering ahead with a frown on his face. He wasn't sure how he was going to convince him regarding the statement that Kanda slipped out at that moment. After tidying himself, he took a deep breath and started walking towards the cafe.
Hearing faint footsteps coming from his side, Neah slowly turned, seeing Allen flashing out a smile as he pulled the chair beside him and sat down.
"Is everything alright?" Neah asked, gazing at him worriedly.
"Yeah," Allen simply replied, taking his mug of latte which was turning cold as he drank the beverage. His fingers rubbed against the smooth surface of the mug in a slow rhythm as he peered at the nearby fair ahead, enjoying the breeze brushing past his ears lightly. As time slowly passed, his vision blurred slightly, his mind gradually bringing him back to that moment when Kanda touched his forehead. It felt so comforting, so secure, and so gentle that he almost lost himself into this feeling; that he almost forgot the promise that he had made.
"What did he mean by 'resting at home after discharge'?" Neah questioned.
"I went to the hospital for a check-up only. It's just influenza, nothing special."
Neah just stared at him doubtfully, and Allen stared at the empty mug, not knowing how to continue. After a few minutes of silence, the adult finally let out a soft sigh and smiled faintly.
"I see. Then you have to rest well when you reach home."
Allen turned to him and grinned. The two of them got up, walking on the streets as they decided to go home for the day. He took a glance at Neah who was staring elsewhere, his hands in the pockets of his jeans. Till now, he was still slightly shocked at the kiss that Neah initiated. It certainly gave a fluttering feeling, and his face would naturally turn red from the embarrassment, but what was the gentleness that he felt at that particular second when his lips descended on the tip of his nose softly? He did not need to resort to this just to prove to Kanda that he had moved on.
They got out of the large crowds, walking to the bus stop. The evening sun was exceptionally glaring today. Allen frowned as his eyes narrowed, noticing that Neah was staggering slightly for a while. His feet stumbled, and he gasped, grabbing his arm before he fell onto the ground. He was about to hold him up when he felt his hands being pushed away.
"It's probably the sun. Aah, it feels so hot even though it's late autumn." Neah let out a sigh, walking forward. Allen just stared at his silhouette with a slight frown. It might be his imagination, but when he watched him once again, the adult looked so much paler than usual.
"Allen, there are no such thing as guarantees in the future."
He looked up at him, his eyes widening slightly at his statement. Neah did not notice though, as he peered at the sky above.
"You might wish to give up on him, but what if that destined person has been at your side all these while? After all, you need to overcome all obstacles to find true love."
He intended to ask, but his thoughts were cut off as the bus arrived at the same time. The both of them ran to it, and after they boarded the vehicle, the doors slowly closed as the bus went off to its next destination.
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He wasn't sure whether he regretted going for the festival last evening after he met a certain beansprout who was supposed to be resting at home, and he was chatting so happily with someone else as though nothing had happened. Kanda stopped typing halfway, peering at Allen who was laughing with his colleagues through his glass door. His eyebrow twitched in irritation, and he snorted, turning back to his report as he continued typing away.
His fingers jabbed the keys hardly as many thoughts ran in his mind, and most of them were endless questions on why he would be concerned for the beansprout when he obviously did not need to. He was shocked that he was worried for him, and the shock gradually turned into mortifying horror as he saw him with someone else together, not to mention the comforting kiss that he bestowed on his nose.
Kanda let out a sharp hiss, slamming the enter button to save his report as he stood up, walking over to the couch as he sat down, pinching his nose in slight fatigue and frustration. The cold air from the air conditioner blew on his face lightly, and he let out a sigh, staring at Allen who was doing his work through the glass door once again. His index finger trailed along the soft material lightly, remembering that moment when he reached out and touched his forehead. It was warm, and the feeling felt nice, so nice that he wanted to put his hand there for a little while longer.
His breaths were shallow, that pair of bright silver eyes fixated onto him for the entire time as time gradually went still. His hand slipped into his thick locks of silver strands, his heart stirring slightly at the little sparks of warmth that he felt at the tips of his fingers. He had never felt like this when he was with Lavi, and it was slightly intriguing. It had always been fun and interesting with Allen, mostly with the teases, but he hadn't pondered on why he would feel this way.
He took the documents and returned to his working desk, putting them in proper order such that he could refer to them whenever he needed to. His eyes drifted to the calendar that was scribbled messily with the schedules he followed, realising that it was time to visit the building site. It was the current peak period for their company, and he could not afford to waste his time thinking of matters other than work.
Kanda took his bag, grabbed his brown coat hanging by the couch as he opened the door and walked out of the door. Ignoring the people walking around in the background, he went out of the office, stopping by the lift lobby as he waited for whatever person who would be tagging with him today. Footsteps stopped beside him, and as he turned around, sapphire eyes widened slightly to see Allen standing there with a camera in his hands.
"As everyone is busy with their work, I will be the one accompanying you today, if it's okay with you," Allen said with a smile. Kanda remained silent, not sure how he should reply, and whether he should reply. As far as he knew, he had been indirectly avoiding him, and it felt weird now that he approached him by his own will.
"Hello? Kanda? Are you alright?" Allen called out, waving his hand at his face. Kanda grunted in irritation as he took a step back, his brows curved into a deep frown. Allen's face was within inches, and he definitely did not want to remember that embarrassing moment that he had done last evening.
The lift doors opened, and Kanda went into the lift without a word, ignoring Allen who was grinning for no reason. They did not speak to each other during this silent journey, standing at opposite corners as the lift stopped at some floors and people stepped inside to fill up the space between them. After a long moment, they finally reached the ground floor, walking out of the lift after everyone had done so.
"This time we will be taking bus there."
"Why?" Allen exclaimed in slight shock. Kanda just frowned instead.
"My car has been sent for maintenance."
"Aah, just when I am looking forward to sitting in your car..." Allen mumbled with a slight pout.
"Since when do you like sitting in my car anyway?" He asked, stepping out of the office building first as he walked over to the bus stop at the side of the road.
"The entire time?" Allen beamed, a smile on his face. "It is comfortable, nice, and extremely good to sleep in." The two of them stopped at the bus stop, and Kanda checked his bag once again to make sure that he brought the right things for the inspection later.
"Of course. Because you are the one doing nothing while I'm driving it." He thought it was a stupid answer, and he almost called him a Moyashi at the end of his sentence just to further emphasise this fact, but he held himself back, not wanting to say a name which would trigger unnecessary emotions that would make him remember what he did last evening.
The bus arrived―a double deck one―and Allen nearly squealed out loud as he hopped inside it, tapping his card to pay the fare as he ran up the stairs to the top deck. It was rather empty at this period of time, and after he paid the fare as well, he walked up the stairs, facing a completely empty deck with only Allen sitting at the far back, waving at him vigorously for him to come over. He sat behind him, not understanding why Allen looked so happy right now, as though he had never sat on a double-deck bus in his entire life.
"It's the first time I am sitting at the top deck of a bus with no one around! Except you, of course," Allen beamed, peering at the surroundings in awe. His silver eyes were shimmering in curiosity, and Kanda just watched him in silence, finding his reactions intriguing and slightly amusing. His different face expressions, ranging from happiness to sadness, had never ceased to surprise him even till now. Those expressions were the purest, completely different from the masks that he always wore, and as he stared at him, he started to wonder who Allen really was. Was he the one who showed everything out in the open, or was he someone who could conceal his lies beneath the facade that he had made?
The journey was smooth and quiet. No one boarded the bus after the two of them, and they spent the time talking about the buildings that they saw on the way. Allen discussed with him on the highlights in Japan that he had to visit, and surprisingly, Kanda found himself getting interested in that particular topic. He had no idea why he even bothered to listen instead of taking a short nap. Perhaps he hadn't the mood to sleep, or he was simply bored. But whatever. He just stared at Allen in silence, listening to him anyway.
The bus was travelling on an expressway, and Allen was asleep, his head leaning slightly on the glass. He still did not have the mood to sleep and chose to stare ahead, watching his head drooping heavily to the side as the bus jerked slightly on the road. A soft groan escaped out of his parted lips as Allen turned, and he could see his partial face from view. His eyes were closed, his strands of silver hair falling down to the tip of his nose. Sapphire eyes blinked, and Kanda looked elsewhere in slight awkwardness, wondering why he had to think of that. But he couldn't help but turn back, observing his face for a little while.
"Dango..." His ears perked up at the first thing he said, and he wondered what it was. Allen moved his lips, before a faint smile appeared on his face.
"My mitarashi dango..."
Kanda almost snorted. Was this beansprout thinking of food even in his dreams? It was so like him. His lips curved into a small smirk, and his hand reached out, brushing a hair strand away such that he could see him clearer. The brief movement caused him to stir slightly, and his hand stopped halfway, not knowing what to do if he woke up. Fortunately, Allen just mumbled something under his breath, before he turned back to the glass pane and continued to sleep. The raven-haired man slowly sank back to his seat, wondering what the hell he was really doing.
Kanda, what is your relationship with Allen?
He had always thought that they had nothing to do with each other. Allen was somewhat an acquaintance who entered his life so suddenly, and there was no reason to think about this when there was simply nothing to remember. Then he realised that it wasn't the case when he saw Neah kissing Allen on his nose. Something within him instantly snapped at seeing this scene, and all he felt was unknown anger at that time.
Kanda let out a sigh as he briefly stared at the scenery outside. Seeing that the bus wasn't reaching that soon, he gradually closed his eyes, wondering if he finally had the mood to sleep. All he saw was darkness, but he was feeling himself being drawn into another consciousness shortly. He was dwelling at the same question for a while, before he finally fell asleep.
Allen must have meant something to him, but...
...what was it?
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He was suddenly awake after the bus jerked, silver eyes studying the road of the expressway. He then wondered how long he had slept. After making sure that they hadn't reached their stop, Allen heaved a sigh of relief, a smile hanging loosely at his lips. He noticed three or four people sitting at the top deck, but no one was sitting at the back yet. He turned and was intending to talk to Kanda when he was met with a sleeping face of the raven-haired man whose head was leaning against the glass.
Intrigued by the face expression he was currently wearing, Allen continued to watch him in silence, admiring the calm and peacefulness of it. The usual frown wasn't there, and his lips parted slightly, his shallow breathes echoing at his ears very clearly. The raven-haired man looked completely relaxed and unguarded, as though everything had been lifted off his shoulders in this dream he was currently in. Allen slowly leaned forward, resting his arms on the edge of the seat as he wondered what dream he was having right now.
The bus moved to the left, exiting the expressway. Kanda's head shifted slightly, his long fringe sliding down as the strands covered his face partially. Allen couldn't help but smiled at this sight. Making sure that no one was watching, he climbed on the seat, his hand slowly reaching out to touch his raven strands of hair. It felt so soft and so smooth. His fingers ran along them for a while, before he brushed them aside, tucking the strands behind his ears such that he could see him clearer.
Silver eyes softened as he observed his face features quietly. It was rather rare to see him making such a vulnerable expression, for someone like him who always wore a scowl wherever he went. Allen stared at him in slight hesitance, before he slowly reached out, his index finger touching his right eye lightly. His finger gradually trailed down, stopping at his slightly parted lips.
Despite how long time had passed, Kanda still looked extremely beautiful, jolting his emotions so strongly at its wake. Even if he was within reach right now, it still felt as though he was rather far away. But even so, he still sought for him unconsciously, to the point which he could not control himself anymore. Was this one of the obstacles that he had to overcome? Because as far as he knew it, he had been trying to overcome it for years, yet he couldn't do it in the end.
His finger curled slightly, and just as he redrew his hand halfway, a hand reached out and grabbed his wrist all of a sudden. Before he knew it, sapphire eyes were already open, staring at him in an intense gaze. Silver eyes could only stare at him in shock as Allen realised that he was finally caught.
"What are you doing?"
His mouth opened slightly in an attempt to explain, but under that gaze which had seen everything, he did not know what to say to cover up his actions.
"I... I just want to tell you that we are reaching soon." It wasn't really a lie, because the bus was indeed reaching their client's place in around two stops. His heart was pounding frantically at his chest, and it was so loud that he hoped the raven-haired man would not notice it. Kanda just continued to stare at him in silence, and he tried his best to stare back at that pair of unreadable eyes, not intending to reveal his emotions to him either.
The bus gradually stopped at the traffic junction, and it was then when Kanda finally let his hand go. Allen took his aching hand as he turned around and sat on his seat once again, his face flushing in embarrassment. The atmosphere around them suddenly turned rather awkward. He reached out, pressing the bell to alight at the next stop before he stood up, proceeding down to the basement. Kanda followed him behind, and the two of them stood at opposite ends, waiting for the doors to open.
The bus stopped, and they stepped out in the open. Allen grimaced at the cold wind blowing at his face, and he slipped his hands into the warm pockets of his coat to block out the cold. Kanda walked ahead first, leading the way. He followed him behind, and the two of them were silent for the entire time.
They reached the building site, and the two of them walked separate ways, each having their assigned job to do. A terrace house that Kanda designed was currently building in progress, and they were here to check that everything was done correctly.
"Here." One of the constructors handed him a white helmet for safety purposes, and Allen thanked him before he wore it, strapping it securely on his head. He was in charge of checking the stocks and materials that they needed for the project. The constructor then brought him to the warehouse, and he looked through everything, jolting them down on his notebook.
He heard voices outside, and he turned around, seeing Kanda talking to the project manager. The vulnerable expression that he saw was already gone, replaced by a stern and serious-looking face, and his frown was back. He found himself watching them in silence for a moment, somehow impressed by how hardworking he was. After all, Kanda took pride in his job as a designer, and he would never allow any mistake in his projects.
"Have you finished checking the materials yet?" The constructor came back and asked him. Realising that he was still in the middle of his job, Allen muttered an apology, turning around as he resumed in his work. He did not realise that Kanda had noticed, glancing at him through the door for a moment before he walked away.
After he checked through all the stocks, it was already late evening. Allen walked out of the warehouse, noting down the materials that they needed next week. At the same time, Kanda exited the office, and the two of them met each other. He looked away hastily, and Kanda did not say anything either. They walked to the open road, deciding to take a taxi back for the day instead.
It had been a few minutes, and they had tried flagging down any taxi that passed by, but to no avail. It was currently the peak hour, and everyone was going home at the same time as they were. Kanda eventually got tired and slightly pissed at this, and Allen gladly took over, focusing on the road as he searched for empty taxis available.
"Moyashi."
"It's Allen," He said, not turning to face him as he continued flagging for taxi.
"What were you doing at that time?"
"What is it about?" He knew very well what he meant, and he did not want to talk about it. At least, not for now, because even he could not figure out what exactly he really wanted.
"What did you do in the bus just now?" Kanda asked again.
"I already told you that I want to wake you up because the bus is approaching our stop―!" Silver eyes widened as something gripped his arm and spun him around forcefully, meeting sapphire eyes which were staring at him hardly.
"When are you going to stop lying to me?"
It was a lie, and yet it wasn't. His eyes slowly narrowed into slits as Allen glared at him.
"I am not lying."
"You were touching my face at that time."
He looked up, staring at him in shock. Was Kanda awake for the entire time when he did that? Allen hissed as he wrenched his arm away from his grasp, turning back to the road as he finally saw an empty taxi coming in their direction.
"If you knew it, why do you still bother asking me?" He asked. What was Kanda trying to prove here? And even if he had gotten what he wanted, did it really matter? Their relationship would forever stay the same, as long as Lavi stayed in the picture. And he wasn't someone who would compete with his friend.
"To confirm how you truly feel towards me."
The taxi stopped in front of them. Allen stiffened for a second, his eyes widening in shock. Those were the last words from him, and the two of them sat inside the taxi, silent for the entire journey. Rather, it was more like he was avoiding a conversation with him. Allen glanced at Kanda who sat at the front, before he sighed, his head landing on the window with a soft thud as he leaned on it. As he peered at the trees that passed by, he couldn't help but wonder what those words really meant.
He clenched his hands, shutting his eyes as though he shut everything out of his mind. There was no way he could turn back.
No, he could no longer turn back.
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Neah made a surprise visit to the office, and it certainly wasn't surprising when everyone made a total fuss, asking him endless questions on how he was related to the infamous Millennium Earl who was one of the millionaires in the world. Allen groaned, looking up from his work in slight fatigue as he stared at the adult who sent him a teasing smirk, causing every woman who was present here to scream in sheer envy.
"Neah, why...why are you here?" He muttered, massaging his forehead as he tried to bear with the pain which was pounding hardly at his head. He had taken three consecutive days and nights to finish up his current project which was due this evening, and he was so exhausted that he did not have the strength and mood to react to Neah's playful tease.
"Of course, it is to have a lunch date with you," Neah said seductively, smiling charmingly. The women screamed again, and he had to cover his ears to prevent their shrieks from worsening his headache further. Allen raised his eyebrow incredulously, wondering what he was playing this time.
"Who is this, Allen?" He turned around, intending to shrug this person off who was probably curious about it when he realised that it was Timothy, and to his horror, Kanda was standing beside him, his eyes seemed to be glaring at a particular direction which he did not want to take notice. Allen turned back, biting his lip in slight panic. Why, of all times in the 365 days, must Neah appear at this moment?
"Everyone, he is Neah Walker, my...uncle." It was certainly a lame introduction, but it had at least answered to most of their questions they had in mind.
"Allen, you have such a suave uncle!"
"Don't mind if you introduce him to me?"
"How lucky you are, Allen!"
The conversation was certainly getting too long. Allen stood up and was about to pull Neah away when he felt dizzy all of a sudden, almost stumbling to the side as Neah noticed this and grabbed him by the waist before he fell on the ground. He mumbled an apology, his hands trying to push him away to prevent more misunderstandings among the others, especially from someone who was still standing behind, seeing everything. He struggled frantically, and it was only when Neah gripped his wrist tightly did he calm down slightly, startled by the sudden reaction.
"Calm down. It's only an act." He leaned even closer, and Allen could only freeze in place, not daring to move. His lips formed into a smile, before he whispered at his ear.
"After all, aren't you the one who is intent on forgeting him? I am just helping you."
Silver eyes widened, and the memory which he promised himself and sought for Neah's aid flashed in his mind. He let his eyes wander, stopping at where Kanda was. How could he actually forget the promise that he had made? Allen swallowed, slowly reaching out as he wrapped his arm around the other hesitantly. He then looked up, flashing the brightest smile on his face.
"Yeah, I almost forget that! Let's go, Neah! There is a cafe which I really have to introduce to you!"
He wondered how it had come to this―that they had to lie in order to make everything work between them. But then again, he had already started this four years ago, when he knew that Kanda and Lavi became lovers. His life in front of Kanda was nothing but a facade and pretense that he created, and before he realised it, he had been pretending that everything was okay; that it was fine without Kanda; that he did not love him anymore.
"Allen?" He peered at Neah who was staring at him worriedly. Allen flashed out a reassuring smile at the other, before he looked down at his only plate of curry rice that he ordered for lunch. Despite how terribly hungry he was, he did not have to mood to enjoy his meal this time. His spoon was jabbing the white rice as he just stared at it in silence, before he finally put the utensil down.
"I'm sorry."
"What are you apologising for?"
"For ruining the lunch date when you have the free time," Allen replied, not knowing what to say. It was certainly his fault that he was spacing out right now. He took a spoonful of curry rice and forced it into his mouth, chewing the food slowly. Neah just stared at him silently, before he put the spoon down.
"Don't think too much and eat. You seriously need to eat more. Would you even be full with just one plate of curry rice?" He asked with a frown, ruffling his white hair with his hand. Allen smiled slightly, taking more spoonfuls of curry rice as he finished his meal quickly. Neah understood him better than anyone, and he was glad that he was at his side when he needed help the most. Noting to himself that he shouldn't be distressed anymore, Allen gobbled up all his food, before he raised his hand to the idle waiter standing at the counter.
"Another extra large serving of curry rice!"
After lunch, they went over to the ice-cream shop, deciding to buy the sweet dessert for snack. Allen bought a vanilla cone ice-cream first, and while he waited aside for Neah to order his share, the adult suddenly announced that he decided not to buy anymore.
"Why?" Allen asked, licking the tip of his vanilla ice-cream which was already melting halfway. It instantly melted inside his mouth, and as he slowly savored the creamy vanilla, his skin tingled at the sugar rush that went straight to his head, making him slightly light-headed. He grinned, making sure that he would get his same dessert tomorrow.
Neah turned, and seeing that there was some ice-cream staining both corners of his lips, he began smirking devilishly.
"You will know soon enough."
They were walking back to the office when they spotted Kanda walking with Timothy, probably to settle their late lunch. His face was rather pale, and he began to worry whether he might be falling sick. He had seen him working overtime together with him, and there were days when Kanda wore the same clothes, which also meant that he had stayed in the office for the entire night. Silver eyes widened, and Allen stopped at the middle of the street.
Then again, why should he care? His issues were absolutely none of his business, and it did not matter to him in any way either.
"Allen."
Allen looked up, only to stiffen as Neah leaned to his face, using his index finger to wipe away some of the milky cream off his lips. The adult gripped his shoulder and pulled him closer to his side, and silver eyes could only widen in shock as he licked the creamy substance off his finger, right in front of the two of them as they watched them in silence.
"Mhm, nice."
He was flushing in sheer embarrassment. Timothy's jaw just fell open, too shocked to comprehend what had really happened. Kanda just stared at him with an expressionless face, before that pair of unmoving eyes turned elsewhere and he walked away. Shutting his jaw back, Timothy hurried after him, giving him an apologetic look. Neah peered at them for a moment, before he turned to Allen who was staring at the ground.
"Allen?"
"Why did you do that?" Allen asked accusingly. His smile faltered as Neah stared at him with a stern expression.
"You said that you want me to help you isn't it? Are you regretting it already?"
"I don't know. I really don't know," Allen muttered, not knowing what he should do anymore. He was trying so hard to forget, yet the indifferent expression that Kanda wore just now made him reconsider his actions. Why was he trying so hard when he did not seem to be affected in the least, as though what he did was all for nothing. It was simply humiliating, and he had never felt so shamed in his life.
"Sorry." Handing him the melting ice-cream, Allen went into the office building without turning back.
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Kanda had gone on a business trip after that day, and they hardly met each other because of work. The raven-haired man was hardly in the office as well, meeting clients every now and then. Allen sighed as he drew his draft, before he paused for a moment, his eyes glancing at his room which was empty for the last few weeks. Now the raven-haired man had currently gone for another business trip to Canada, and it was already a month since he last saw him.
"I wonder whether he is alright..." He muttered, staring at his paper as he wished he hadn't said out loud.
"What?" Timothy asked, hearing his words as he went to his side.
"Nothing!" Allen smiled, chasing that thought off his head as he continued in the sketching. He got the peace and silence he wanted, and he wouldn't be seeing Kanda as often as he wanted. Wasn't it the best option that he sought? Allen let out another depressing sigh, his hand with the pencil moving along the drawing as he fought back the urge to turn around and glance at the empty room again.
"Actually, his trip should have ended three days ago." Everyone looked up at Rou Fa who was coming over, her finger tapping her chin lightly as she pondered hardly on this. "He hasn't called into the office, and no one answers when I call his home. This is worrying..." She murmured softly. Everyone turned to each other, concern shown on their faces. Allen just stared ahead blankly, not sure how he should react.
"Someone must check his home. Kanda has come back on time but there is no news after that," Bak called out, approaching them with an envelope in his hand. "We can not have him here when the company is at its busiest period."
"I'll go get his contacts and his home address!" Rou Fa exclaimed, running back to her desk. His women colleagues were all raising up their hands, volunteering to go to his apartment to see how he was doing. The blond did not take note of them, his eyes settling onto Allen who was still in a slight daze.
"Allen."
Allen slowly looked up, staring at him in puzzlement.
"Yes?" Rou Fa soon returned with all the contact details, and Bak smiled as he handed it over to him, to his complete shock.
"Kanda is your friend right? Rather than us, you should be the one checking on him," He said. Allen took the papers, not certain what he should do.
"No, I―"
"Go, Allen. You have been glancing at his room for so many times till I cannot stand it. Go and check on him if this ceases your worries," Timothy said, pushing him out of the seat as he gestured him to hurry. Allen just stared at them, before he sighed, running to the lift lobby outside as he jabbed the button, waiting for the lift to come. He flipped through the pages, reading his address details which was at the bottom of the document. The address was the same as the one he went after he got into a drunkard state, and he groaned, feeling guilty for not informing his colleagues that he already knew where he lived.
He wasn't really concerned about him. His colleagues had mistaken him and wanted him to check it out only. That was all. He did not care what really happened to Kanda. It was only something which Bak wanted him to do.
Allen flagged a taxi and sat inside, telling the driver to go to the location. He peered out of the windows, his hands gripping the folder with the documents tightly to fight off his anxiety. It felt as though he was visiting his apartment for the first time, and he wondered why this felt worse compared to the first times he was meeting his clients.
The taxi stopped at a private estate, and Allen alighted, thanking the driver for the journey. The vehicle drove off, and the entire place fell in a deadly silence as he stared at this spectacular view incredulously and in slight envy once again. He should have known that Kanda was rich, but he did not expect him to be this rich. This private estate was one of the most expensive apartments in Tokyo, and certainly not many people could afford it.
He walked inside, approaching the security guard as he wrote down his contact details as a visitor. He then walked to the main lobby, entering a lift as he pressed the floor which he wanted to go. The doors slowly closed as it gradually ascended at a mild speed, and Allen stared at his reflection from the walls, wondering how he should explain himself when Kanda opened the door.
The lift doors opened, and before he knew it, he found himself standing in front of a door. Flashbacks of his behaviour when he entered the house ran in his mind, and he flushed in embarrassment, not believing that he was so rude and so improper. Slapping himself softly to get him back to reality, Allen reached out and pressed the doorbell hesitantly. The doorbell rang from the inside, and he waited, dreading this silence which was making him more nervous.
He pressed the doorbell again when no one came, starting to worry whether there was really something happening to Kanda. It was his first time in Japan, so he should not have many friends here, except Lavi, and would return to his apartment after work.
"Kanda! Kanda!" He gave up pressing the doorbell as he banged hardly on the door instead, his anxiety at its peak. Just as he was about to get the security guard to open his door, the door suddenly opened. Allen slowly stepped back, and as Kanda finally revealed himself, he just stared in shock at the current state he was in.
"What?" Kanda muttered, his voice slightly cracked and raw as bloodshot eyes stared at him.
"What...happened to you, Kanda? Are you sick?" Allen exclaimed, stepping forward as he reached out and touched his forehead. It was extremely warm, and from the warm flushes he saw on his face, he instantly knew that he was running on a fever.
"What exactly have you been doing when you are running a raging fever, may I ask?" Allen questioned with a frown, kicking his shoes off as he took his wrist and pulled him inside, closing the door behind them. He stared at the messy table which was filled with paperwork and documents. The kitchen wasn't in a good state either, the sink filled with dirty utensils and plates. It was definitely shocking, because Kanda always kept his house clean without a little speck of dust around.
In conclusion, despite being a successful international designer, Kanda hardly knew how to take care of himself. Allen let out a sigh, bringing him to the couch to let him rest while he went to the kitchen to get the medicine.
"Kanda, where do you keep the medicine?!" He shouted, rummaging through the shelves and drawers.
"The top...top left corner..." Kanda said in a rasp voice. Allen tiptoed and opened it, seeing a box of medicine inside. He went back to the dining table, opening the box as he took out whatever medicine that he could eat.
"First, the fever..." He took the tablet, getting a glass of warm water as he went over to Kanda, putting the medicine and the water on the small coffee table in front of him.
"Have you eaten yet?"
From the daze reaction that he got from the other, he knew that Kanda hadn't fixed his breakfast yet. Allen ran back to the kitchen, searching through the place as he finally found a loaf of bread and a carton of milk inside the fridge. He took a slice out, pouring a mug of milk as he put into the microwave oven to heat it up. After that, he brought the food over to him.
"Eat it, or else you cannot eat the medicine."
Kanda just stared at the food in slight dread, before he shook his head. His frown deepened as he settled beside him, shoving him the mug of warm milk.
"Then at least drink the milk! You cannot recover if you don't eat your medicine, Kanda!" He demanded sternly. Kanda slowly clasped the mug in his hands, before he slowly drank everything down his throat. Allen then handed him the medicine, and he ate it, grimacing slightly at the bitterness that remained at his tongue.
"Why are you here?" He asked, seemed to be surprised to see him here.
"To see whether you are dead or not, of course. If I did not come, you might have really died!" He chided. Kanda said nothing, and he just stared at his pale face in silence, wondering whether work had finally taken a toll on him.
"Let's bring you back to bed." He pulled Kanda up, supporting him by his shoulder as he brought him back to his bedroom. Pulling the cover over his chest, he watched until the raven-haired man fell asleep, before he started tidying up the house and buying fresh food ingredients to fill up the shelves and the fridge. Even if Kanda did not make quite a fuss about the messy house, it was because he wasn't in the right state of mind. When he was more awake, he would probably scream instead.
He informed his colleagues that Kanda just caught a flu and would be resting at home. After the call, he cooked warm porridge for his lunch before his second intake of medicine. Allen smiled, putting the cover over the pot as he took it to the dining table which was completely clear of papers. He then went back to the bedroom, and after several attempts to pull him out of bed, Kanda finally sat at the dining table, staring at the bowl of porridge in silence.
"I'm not hungry."
"Yes, you are. You have to eat before you take your medicine later." Silver eyes narrowed as he leaned a little closer to him.
"Or do I have to feed you instead?"
Kanda was silent for a moment, his sapphire eyes gaining a little shimmer back as his lips curved into a slight smirk.
"I don't mind though, Moyashi."
His eyes widened slightly, fighting back a blush as Allen hit his head lightly. Kanda winced and shot him a weak glare in response. Telling himself that he shouldn't pick a fight with someone who was sick, Allen sighed, taking up the metal spoon as he scooped a spoonful of porridge, looking away in slight awkwardness as he brought it up to his mouth. He nudged the spoon lightly at his lips, and after a moment, he felt something on it, and the content was gone. Kanda swallowed the lukewarm porridge, staring at him with the same smirk on his face.
"It is delicious, Moyashi."
"I told you to call me Allen!" Allen snapped in annoyance, scooping another spoonful of porridge as he held it at his mouth. Again, he felt something on it, before the content was gone. He glared at Kanda, wondering why he was enjoying every moment of this despite being critically ill.
After the embarrassing meal, Kanda ate the medicine and he tucked him back in bed once again. It felt nice seeing that vulnerable look at his sleeping face again, and Allen found himself watching him for a few minutes, hearing the muffled snores escaping out of his lips as Kanda slept very soundly. Pulling the cover closer to his neck for warmth, he stood up and left the room.
Having nothing to do, Allen used this chance to explore around his house, marveling at the exquisite design of the apartment that he was staying in. The place was rather plain and simple, and he wasn't surprised. It was so like Kanda, and he couldn't help but smile, walking into his study room. His hand trailed along the old and yellow books, before he stopped, seeing the familiar novel which Kanda would read whenever he was at the park.
He took it out, flipping the pages as he wanted to find out what he was reading at that time. The bookmark which Kanda would always put was at a specific page, but he started to realise that the bookmark was still at the same page, at the moment when Lavi came. He hadn't been reading all these while, so what was he doing in the park then? With the book opened at the same page, what was Kanda waiting?
Was he there, just to see Lavi again?
It was already evening, and he prepared dinner. Kanda was awake this time, wandering to the living room as he stole a glance at the kitchen where Allen was, wondering what he was doing. Allen came out with another pot of porridge, and upon seeing him, he flashed out a smile, putting it on the table.
"You are awake." He went to him, reaching out as he touched his forehead again. The fever had subsided, and the warm flushes on his face were also gone. Allen let out a sigh of relief.
"I'm so glad that you are alright. I supposed you can eat your dinner on your own. I need to go back to the office to finish up my work." He turned and was about to get his bag when a hand grabbed his arm, stopping him in place.
"You aren't supposed to be here. Why are you here, Allen?" Kanda asked again, this time in a demanding tone. Silver eyes widened as he pondered on this question as well.
Why was he here?
"To take care of you, of course. The company needs you around at this period of time," He said with a sheepish laugh, but it did not feel right either. Did he come here just to make sure that Kanda was alright? Was it just because of a concern for a friend?
"Kanda, I need to go―!" Allen gasped as Kanda pulled him back, and he collided at his chest very slightly, that very pair of silver eyes staring into alluring sapphire ones. Allen wondered whether it was Kanda's fever that was making the heat between them overwhelming, and he could not tear himself away from that intense gaze as Kanda leaned closer, slipping his hand into his locks of hair.
Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Kanda let out a frustrated hiss, and Allen stepped away immediately, upon realising the close position that the two of them were in. The raven-haired man ran his fingers through his hair as he walked up to the door and opened it.
"Kanda! I heard from your boss that you are not feeling well!" Lavi exclaimed, stepping inside. He looked up, his emerald eyes widening in slight surprise as he saw Allen who was also staring at him in slight shock.
"I didn't know you are here too, Allen."
"Yeah. Me too, Lavi." His eyes darted around as Allen searched for his bag, before he grabbed it as he hurried to the door, slipping his feet into his shoes.
"I have to go." Without waiting for a reply, he exited the apartment, walking swiftly to the lift lobby as he pressed the button. The lift doors opened, and just as he was about to enter, something grabbed his shoulder and turned him around forcefully. He let out a gasp, staring at Kanda in shock.
"I was wondering when you are going to stop lying to yourself."
"What do you mean―" He wanted to ask, but Kanda wasn't intending to finish just yet.
"You are still in love with me right, Moyashi?"
Silver eyes slowly widened as Allen stared at him in shock. His lips parted for a moment, and he stared at the ground, fighting back the trembles from the lie that he was going to come up.
"No."
After all, it was the only way that could keep them together.
"No, I am not in love with you anymore, and I will never fall in love with you again," He said in a firmer tone, wrenching his arm away as he turned and walked into the lift.
"That's easy."
Allen paused for a moment, before he turned around and stared at him, the lift doors closing in. His lips slowly curved into a confident smirk as Kanda stared back at him.
"I just need to make you fall in love with me once again."
His eyes only widened, before the lift doors closed completely.
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A/N: Hello! It has been a long while since I updated. I promised that if I don't update weekly, I will post a chapter at least two weeks later. So, here it is! And it came at the right time, because it is my birthday today! I am very happy and pleased with this chapter, and I do hope that you all enjoy it as much as I do too! :)
I'm so glad that you all are alright with Neah's current character! It has been hard writing him, and now I am feeling a little bit of accomplishment after reading all of your encouraging words! ^^ Of course, I will try harder to portray his character in this story better, so do look forward to it :)
Once again, I want to thank all the reviewers for spending their time to review my story. I cannot believe that this story is so successful. It is going to reach to 200 reviews very soon! Thank you so much for your loves and encouragements once again!
Please review and tell me your opinion about the chapter! I apologise for the grammar, vocabulary and spelling mistakes that you may notice. Please do tell me if there is any. Lastly, everything is all deeply appreciated! :)
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Reviews:
WithoutWingsX: I don't blame you if you dislike him. Actually I dislike him as well, but there is so much which we do not know about him, so he may not be as bad as what he really is. But anyways, thank you for your review once again ^^ I have read your detective story, and it is simply amazing. Sorry I do not have the time to leave a review. I will make sure I do that when I have the time!
alguien22792: It always brightens me up when I read your lovely review. Thank you! I might seem to be slightly inaccurate at the concepts of love because everyone has different opinions on it, but I am so glad that everything went well :) And no, no one knows about his illness yet, but it is about to be revealed soon *winks*
BlueMoon333: Thank you! It has always been a worry whether I portray him right, but I'm glad that it's okay. Thank you for this lovely review ^^
Zoe Whiteraven: Thank you! I will try to update weekly, but sometimes it isn't up to me :(
Guest: Thank you! Hope that you will like this chapter ^^
TheVictoryAngelofStrife: Thank you ^^ There is someone which I want to pair him up with. It's sort of a hinted pairing and would not be revealed much in this story. I am planning to finish this story in around 20 chapters, but it is only an estimation. I just see how it goes :)
SeikaDragon: Yeah, Kanda is rather dense at times, but well, at least he isn't as dense now. Yes, it is finally time for Kanda to get jealous and confront his true feelings. It's okay to be crazy sometimes. We all do :) Thank you for the lovely review once again.
GuestXD: Thank you! Hope that you will love this chapter :)
Darkspider: It seems harder to write as the chapters progresses, and I was trying to figure out when is the good time Kanda finally realises his feelings for Allen and when Allen finally decides to give up for real. They will get to know his illness in times to come, and nope, his colleagues did not know of his relations to the Noah and the Millennium Earl, but now they knew XD Yeah I know right. Haha.
You are saying Neah and Allen together? Yep, I also thought that this pairing is rather striking aside from the Yullen pairing XD but I totally ship Yullen for life haha.
ShimmeringCrimson: Wooo such a long review! XD I'm so glad that you like this side of Neah in this story :) He didn't really freak out though...
Uh, okay. I was seriously having this '-_-' face when I read your review regarding your twisted way of interpreting the chapter. I agree that your joke kinda fails... and what exactly are you thinking! The two of them are decent! ...for now XD But then! Thank you so much for such a long and lovely review! Of course I am happy ^^ Thank you again, and hope you like this chapter :)
Nonumaru: I agree! K is just too similar to DGM :/ I'm so glad that you are okay with Neah's character! Aah well, Timothy doesn't know about their relationship so...
Thank you for the review, and hope that you like this chapter!
sunshineandmoonlight: Thank you^^ I hope you like this chapter :)
Narutopokefan: Thank you for your review! I hope that you will like this chapter ;)
Lavi-Usagi: Thank you! Hope you like this chapter as well! :)
Before the petals fall: I was so glad to see your lovely review! What do you mean by 41 heartbreaks and 15 breakdowns? I'm so glad that you are okay with Neah/Allen pairing :) I do agree that they are more compatible in a brotherly relationship, but you can also consider it as slight slash if you want. Uh yeah, it sounds a little creepy that Allen is Neah in the manga and that if they kiss, Allen will be kissing himself...
I'm grateful that you review despite how busy you are in school. Thank you so much for continuing to support this story ^^ and I hope you will like this chapter :)
Jia: Thank you! ^^ Hope that you will like this chapter as well :)