Me falling in love with Natsu Dragneel should've been the front-page topic on everything from newspapers to facebook news. It should've been the morning gossip of all fans, actors, directors that Lucy Heartfilia can no longer be called a 'love-proof-actress'. This is why, for the first time in my life…
I'm glad they can't find out.
I'm glad there's no way they can know that their favorite actress is trapped in a life-or-death situation and she's crushing on somebody.
Wait, that doesn't really make sense.
Let me rephrase that.
I'm glad I'm the only one who knows that I like the President of a literally murderous organization. Shoot, that sounds even worse.
It's done. It's clear. I'm doomed. I can't even think clearly when he's beside me, and the bad thing is that it's not him that does the magic, but the idea of me liking him does. I'm insane! How could this happen!
"Lucy?"
I flinch when the sound of his voice pierces through my thoughts that were already getting out of control. I look at him shyly doing my best to look cool and not to blush. When our eyes meet, my heart runs crazy and I immediately look away.
"Y-Yes?" I ask him.
Natsu is completely blind at my feelings. Or so it seems. Or so I hope. Even now, he just looks at me impatiently because we're talking about something very serious. And that's all.
It's been two days since that evening and no matter how much I expected our relationship to be getting better, it's gotten worse. All he does lately is yell at me because I'm always dozing off thinking about 'who-knows-what' instead of bringing contribution to our escape-plan. He's barely let me approach him, not to mention talk about personal stuff. It saddens me, but at the same time I keep telling myself it's like a good, cold shower for my heart. I can't allow myself to be silly in our serious situation.
"Can you please repeat the escape plan?"
I stare at him, and then I exchange looks with Eros, who's been coming over to discuss things about his mother. We were lucky he came to our rescue just when we thought we had no chance of fighting her. Natsu is finally beginning to understand this, as well. He still doesn't fully trust him, but things are way better now. Meaning, we won't be seeing him jump at Eros trying to kill him anymore.
"T-The… escape plan?" I mutter puzzled. Wait, we had one? Wait, since when have we been discussing about this? When did Eros even come?! I shift nervously on my chair. "U-Um… Well let me see… We escape… with… um… W-Where exactly are we escaping from again?" I laugh sheepishly.
Natsu face-palms making my heart squeeze.
"Can you please, for once, pay attention to what we're talking about here?"
"Sure. I'm sorry." I say fast.
Eros hurries to defend me.
"She's been through a lot. Don't be so harsh on her."
"That's right, Natsu. Be more gentle with me." I pout.
"I don't have time to be gentle!" he slams his hands against the table and then sends some sheets of paper flying in the air. He starts walking through the room trying to calm down.
"Stop being so stressed all the time. Didn't you tell me we're safe?" I say in a mild voice.
"Don't tell me how to be and how not to be. All you're doing is being a burden, it's not like you actually care about any of this!" he yells at me and I stare at him shocked. Eros whispers an "ouch". Ouch indeed.
Natsu immediately regrets he said something he probably didn't even mean. I see the fight he has on his face. But I don't react the way he expects me to. I calmly gather the sheets from the floor and place them back on the table.
"Please tell me the plan once again." I say with seriousness on my face. He sighs deeply and sits on his chair.
I lend him a minute to calm down.
"Once you're good to go from the hospital, we're looking for a way to meet with the suppliers. But the problem is that the goat is probably waiting for this very step. Without our supply, we can't survive. It's common sense that she'd lure us out using the suppliers, got it?" I nod between his sentences. "That's why we came up with the idea to turn ourselves in."
I keep nodding until I suddenly realize what he just said.
"EEEEH?!"
"As an act, you idiot! You saw yourself in the 'assassinate me' test with general Laxus how useful good acting can be!"
My eyes start glittering out of the blue.
"Acting?" I grin passionately. Natsu eyes slightly widen.
"Yeah." He then smiles a little seeing my expression. Aw, he's so cute when he smiles!
"A-And how will we turn ourselves in?" I look away calming down the beating of my heart.
"With my help." Eros speaks. "I'll pretend I caught you guys and take you to my mother's."
"But before we were 'caught'," Natsu tells me with seriousness, but I can read the shade of enthusiasm in his voice. He must enjoy making plans. I've never seen him like this before. Maybe he's living again the moments of excitement from old times, when he would go in missions. This realization saddens me because it seems like he also liked to kill people. "… we announced the police." He continues.
"Announced them? What?"
"Well, we would leave all the evidence provided by Eros behind so that the police would find it and shut her down forever. We have to escape before meeting with them, though. If they also catch us, it's worse than actually being caught by the goat. "
"I see! And this is when we use the escape plan!" I exclaim.
"Exactly. Which is…" Natsu lifts an eyebrow at me and I blush embarrassed.
"I wasn't paying attention, sorry."
He points a finger at me.
"If you make me repeat myself again after this, I'll kill you."
I salute.
"Yes sir."
"So taking into consideration all possible endings, we reached the conclusion supposedly together" he rolls his eyes and I cower in even more embarrassment "that the worst scenario is when they shoot one of us as soon as we get to her place, if not even earlier. And that one is most probably going to be you."
"What?!" I call out shocked and offended. "How do you know that?!"
"Well they can't just kill us both and they can't be stupid enough to let us leave, especially since there's me in the picture. Everybody knows they can't underestimate somebody like me." I roll my eyes "So they will do whatever is easier for them to do in order to take what they want from us and then get rid of us. They'll persuade me using you."
"Y-You mean… they'll ask you questions threatening you with hurting me?" I blush, shifting and looking down at my shoes.
"No, they'll probably kill you to show me what can happen if I don't answer."
I fall off of my chair.
"O-oh… I s-see…" I twitch an angry smile. He cares so little for me that his imagination can't even conceive a more romantic situation. When I picture romance to him, it looks like two fellows exchanging magazines under a rain of gunshots.
"So in that scenario, I guess we'll just have to rely a lot on you, Lucy."
"And what do I have to do?"
"Well…not get shot." A smile appears for a short moment on his beautiful, perfect lips. Even though I show a you-don't-say face, I stop and wonder how somebody can look so hot while being ironic.
"Thank you for sharing your wisdom." I laugh unexpectedly. "And how shall I do that?"
Natsu looks through me, thinking. I slowly feel how my cheeks are turning red and curse them for betraying me. He fills his lungs with air and suddenly frowns at me.
"I guess I've got no other choice."
He bends towards me surprising me. His hand reaches out and he grabs my arm out of the blue. Oh no, this is bad, my heart is running wild again. He squeezes and I'm probably redder than red.
"W-What?!" I squeal taken aback. What's he doing?! Why's he squeezing me like this?!
"Hmm…" he shakes his head disappointed. "Not good enough… I guess we'll have to go through some serious training."
"W-What? W-Wait, what, just now, muscles, checking, you were, my muscles, just now…?" I blabber completely erased from planet Earth. Well damn yes, Lucy. He was checking your muscles; just what did you think he was doing?! T-T-T-Touching you?!
"What's wrong? Why are you so red?" he asks worsening the situation even more.
"NOTHING'S WRONG!" I yell and look anywhere but at him.
"Well then, I guess we'll just have to take a week for training and only then can we go ahead with our plan."
"W-Why…? Why do I need training?"
"Your muscles loosened up during your stay here. In other words, you're weak. If somebody pointed a gun at you, you'd be dead before they shoot! That's why I need to give you some personal training in order to make a good fighter out of you."
P-P-P-P-Personal trainer?! L-L-L-L-L-Like, being given the whole attention from that person and….. The rest of my dirty imagination is censored to the readers and a little explosion pops out of my head.
"You've got a nosebleed." Eros points out worried.
"I-I-I-I-I'm fine!" I squeal. I stand and rush over to the toilet while holding my nose extremely embarrassed and red.
Before I close the door to the toilet, I hear Natsu laugh and tell Eros that I'm so cute when I squeal. I freeze and listen a little more, but he says nothing anymore, so I hurry to take care of the perverted nosebleed that I'd wish I could hide.
He said I'm cute! He said I'm cute! Kyaah, I guess I'm be squealing instead of speaking from now on! I'm suddenly in such a good mood that nothing could ruin my day right now. I almost feel like starting to sing and dance. He thinks I'm cute (when I squeal)! I can't believe it!
I finish my business in the bathroom and return humming happily.
"R-Right, so, personal training." I say. Natsu can't understand how dangerous these words are for my head, and I'm glad he can't.
"Yes. Prepare yourself for a week of death." He shoots me a glare that makes me wonder if it surely had been him who laughed a few moments ago. "Every morning we'll wake up at five, run for one hour and a half and then start with the push-ups and abs in packs of two hundred. Then there'll be the gun lessons and I'll be testing your reflexes in many unexpected ways, so prepare for anything. If you've done well in the morning training, I might allow you to have breakfast. Then comes the lunch training, where I'll time you on complicated courses and I expect progress by each day. We'll be working on your stamina with running and- …. Lucy? Are you alright?"
I stopped hearing him when I fell off of my chair.
"What kind of monster are you?!" I ask shocked. He winks at me.
"Good results come with good training."
"Give me a break! I was shot a few days ago!" I stand again and rub my stomach where the wound is now closed, but still hurting.
Eros sighs.
"I have to go." He says while looking at his watch.
"Sure. See you tomorrow." I stretch carelessly.
"Eros." Natsu suddenly frowns at him with seriousness. "I'll tell you this one more time. If I found out you're back-stabbing us, you're dead. You hear me? I'm only keeping you alive because you're being useful. Don't be a fool thinking you can trick me."
Eros lifts his hands in defense and grins sheepishly.
"I got it, I got it. I'm not doing anything, I swear!"
"You better keep what I said in mind."
"Sure." He waves. "See you."
He closes the door behind him and it's silent. Natsu's putting on his mask and wig. He's late to work.
"I also have to go."
I feel a painful hole in my stomach thinking that he's leaving me alone. I really want to say something that would make him stay.
"N-Natsu…"
"Hm?"
He's fixing his wig in the mirror. I look at his tall, strong figure and love it in secret. His eyes aren't looking at me and somehow I selfishly want them to. I approach him unconsciously.
"I-I was… Just thinking how awesome it is that you're allowing me to call you on your name." I grin cutely at him, but he's still not looking at me. I see the reflection of his smile.
"Sure. I'm also glad that there can be somebody who would."
"Oh, who wouldn't." I smile sadly thinking about the girls talking in the room back at the organization about how they would like to know his real name.
"Well, that's not what I meant." he turns around and smiles at me. My heart starts beating fast again. "I only allow friends to call me my real name. And that means that I'm glad you're my friend."
"I-Is that how you see me? As a friend?" I grin cheerfully. Well, pretending to be cheerful. In reality I can't believe myself I actually hid such an important question under what looks like a joke.
"Yup." He grins and he's so good-looking that he's tearing my heart apart. Well, either his grin is, either his answer. Why does it sadden me? What did I expect?
I nod and look around the room suddenly feeling like crying.
"You should go." I whisper looking out the window at a nurse helping an old man take a walk. It's a very pretty day. The sun is shining gently upon the old man's smile and the warm wind ruffles his white, soft hair. He looks happy.
"You wanna come with me?"
I suddenly turn and look at him with big, glittering eyes.
"R-Really? Can I?"
He laughs.
"Of course, it's not like you're trapped in here or something."
"B-But, don't you have work to do?" I ask filled with hope and excitement.
"I mostly have to show my face in order to convince them I'm interested in their work. I can take you for a walk outside, if you'd like."
The offer comes out simple, but I receive it with such happiness that you'd say I haven't gone outside in years! I'm so glad that Natsu actually wants to hang out with me!
"Sure!" and not even this bright smile of mine can express how wonderful I feel right now.
Natsu does something that I might as well consider the most romantic ever done by him. He lifts his elbow and looks at me patiently, with amazingly warm eyes. He's inviting me to take his arm.
If only he knew what a bomb of painful beatings of my heart this very simple move triggers inside me, I think he'd be scared. Love is such a strange feeling. But it's also the most beautiful thing I've ever felt. Right now, I just want to hug and kiss him! This is how happy I am! I could be laughing and singing and dancing right now and I wouldn't care about a thing!
I guess I really am in love…
"What's with the sudden change of mood?" I ask grinning like a freak, as if surrounded with little flowers and hearts.
"W-Why? Have I been different until now?"
"Well you've been yelling at me the whole day." I say with such a bright smile that he looks at me as if he doubts the smile's for real.
"T-That's true. I'm sorry." he says looking away. "I might be a little too stressed out by everything."
"Can I do anything to help?"
I immediately realize it's a little too obvious if a girl asks something like that. Could it be that he's starting to notice my feelings for him?
He either doesn't see anything, either pretends not to.
"No, I'm fine. Thanks."
He meets with some other doctors and nods at them receiving the same kind of greeting. But before we pass by each other, they exchange suspicious looks between me and Natsu. This surprises me a little.
"What's with them? Did you see they look they just gave us?" I whisper at him while still eyeing them.
"Yeah, about that…" Natsu scratches the back of his head looking for the right words to tell me.
"What is it?"
"There's a gossip going around the hospital that I'm hitting on you."
"WHAT?!"
"Shh! Keep it down."
"What?!" I repeat in a whisper.
"The mask gives the impression I'm much older than I probably am and that makes it look totally weird when we're together. Plus I've been visiting you a lot. It's obvious there's a thing between us."
I'm blushing and wondering if he honestly doesn't realize his words sound wrong. But it might be just me, over-thinking again.
"Then don't we have to be more cautious? Won't my appearance with you be like a confirmation of all the rumors?"
"And so what if I take out you for a walk? Nobody else does it, and you need it."
Wow, he's even risking his image (even if fake) for my well-being. Natsu could never know how big of an influence he has over my heart. One single word of his can make me love him even more.
"Th-Thank you…."I mumble feeling how I'm in a weak condition right now. Weak to him and weak to my own desires.
We exit the hospital building and the sunrays embrace me mildly. I smile breathing in the fresh, cold air. This feels great. We walk for a little in a quiet corner of the park surrounding the building. I listen to the chirps of the sweet birds, step softly on the pavement and enjoy the silence. Just holding his arm makes me feel like the luckiest person in this entire Earth. Just how can be anybody happier than I am right now?
"S-So…. then I guess I'm forgiven?" he speaks out of the blue.
"Forgiven?" I ask surprised.
"Well you know, all that yelling and stuff… I admit I was too rough. You seem to enjoy this, so… we're good?"
I laugh and the words that escape my mouth next I immediately regret.
"How could I ever stay mad at you?"
I blush embarrassed and squeeze my lips. I shouldn't have said that. Now he's surely realized I like him. Aw, why did I have to ruin the moment like that?
"That's new." Is all he says.
"B-But that still doesn't mean you can do whatever you want!" I hurry to say.
"I know." He smiles.
The idea of confessing suddenly crosses my mind. I kick it away immediately. There's no way I could actually verbalize what I feel. And not to mention I don't want it! He wouldn't want it! Nobody would! I would ruin a friendship! It'd be a disaster!
I suddenly imagine myself all red and adrift, looking down at my shoes while in front of him. He has his hands in his pockets, waiting to see the reason why I called him out in the break. Wait, so now we're high-schoolers? I open my mouth and then bow deeply. 'I'm in love with you! Please go out with me!'. His face grimaces and he clicks his tongue. 'You're not strong enough to be with somebody like me! I saved your life four times and you only saved mine once. I guess I have no choice but to make you my slave for the rest of your life. Everyday you'll wake up at five and run seventy miles, then do seven hundred push-ups, seven hundred pull-ups, seven hundred abs, you'll receive seven peas as breakfast and do it all over again before lunch!'
My mind goes blank.
Hold it! What the heck was that, imagination?! There's no way he could actually react like that, is there? Can't Natsu be romantic even in my head?! Is there really no way he could nod smiling and say 'I also like you. I'd be great if we could go out together!'?!
"Uh…. Lucy?"
I blink a few times.
"Yes?"
"You just blanked out for a couple of moments."
I rub the back of my head grinning.
"Sorry."
"Actually, you've been doing that a lot recently. Are you sure you're fine?"
I nod a few times fast. How could I possibly tell you what's really on my mind, Natsu Dragneel?
"Is it…. T-that…um…." He slowly turns red as he tries to speak, which makes me curious. "….Uh, you know…. That…."
"That, what? What is it?"
" … Is it… t-that time of the month?"
His face is frowned with seriousness, but the redness in his cheeks tells another story. I burst out laughing and I can't stop for a while.
"W-What? Is it?" He's so serious! And childish!
"No, it's not." I wipe away a tear still trying not to laugh. "Thank you for your concern."
Everything he does just makes me want to hug him. He was so cute just now!
I'm still smiling while talking about something else with him, while out of the blue, we see a person running towards us.
"Who's that?" Natsu asks. The person approaches us slowly even though it's obvious he's trying as hard as possible to reach us. At least I think it's us.
"Eros!" I suddenly recognize him. We hurry to meet him half the way. I don't know why, but we can read the tension in the air. Something's happened.
He makes huge efforts to speak between catching his breath and panic.
"What's wrong?!" I ask worried.
"Calm down! Take a deep breath…" Natsu encourages him while lending him his shoulder.
Eros breathes in deeply and wipes away his sweat. I find my heart beating fast.
"It's bad, really really bad!"
"What happened?"
"My mother found out your location here at the hospital!"
"What?!"I scream covering my mouth.
"How?!" Natsu grabs his collar suddenly and shakes him. "HOW?! If I find out it's your fault, I'll rip your gut out through your big mouth!"
"Natsu!" I push him away from the poor guy. "Calm down!"
"I don't know either!" Eros yells back. "I-I-I had only just arrived home when she comes at me to bring me the 'good news'! I came here as fast as I could!"
"You idiot! What if she suspects anything?! What if she saw you leaving?! You're her son!" Natsu yells and I have to agree to him. Eros did a stupid thing leaving so fast.
"B-But if I hadn't let you know, she would've come here to get you!"
"NO! We were safe here! But now our whole plan is ruined because you're a freaking idiot!" Natsu yells at him and sends his fist in his stomach. Eros falls to the ground whimpering while Natsu pulls his fake hair in frustration.
"Natsu, he's also right! She'll come here right away and do the same thing she did back at the other hospital!"
"No. This is a protected hospital and they can't even approach it unless they have police's approval."
"And they could easily get the approval since the police are on their side!"I remind him.
"It's not that easy!"
"Think about it! After all, all they must do is send a hurt man here. He then goes ahead and kills us from the inside!"
"I bet on anything you want that it's this dumbass' fault." He groans and sends another kick in his weak body.
"Cut it out!" I hiss looking around impatiently. Luckily, nobody's close enough to hear or see us.
"What're we gonna do now…?" Natsu falls on his hunkers frustrated.
I grasp his shoulders and we make eye contact.
"We run."
He stops and just looks at me.
"You're not healed yet…" he says hesitatingly, as if checking with me.
"Then we have two choices. I push myself and do that training while healing which is most probably impossible, or you give me some of the healing drugs."
"I can't give you any more of those, Lucy." he hurries to say worriedly. "They're way too dangerous and your body is too weak."
"Do we really have a choice?"
"W-Well… Push yourself?" he asks with a doubtful expression. I give him a hopeless one.
"I could try, but I'm afraid I won't be able to reach your expectations. And then the plan will be useless."
"It's already useless enough, thanks to this junk!" he prepares to kick him again, but with an 'AH!' I stop his foot with mine.
"Stop it, seriously!" I tell him. "Don't just beat him up because you're frustrated! It's not his fault! He was actually trying to help us! You're too cruel!"
And in moments like these I feel like maybe my feelings for Natsu can't be that strong, after all.
"Hey, whose side are you on?" Natsu asks me with a glare.
"I-I'm on the side of justice."
"Then it's just that we won't tell a single word of our next plan to this idiot! Just in case."
"Th-that's not fair." Eros moans still in pain. "I'm trying to help you. How can I be useful to you like this?"
"Why are you even doing this?"
"To get revenge."
The fire in his eyes is enough proof for me. I'm starting to consider taking his side.
Natsu spins on his heels and hisses at Eros: "Get lost."
I follow him but then throw a pitiful look back at the shaggy, nerdy-looking son of goat.
"Get back to your room and try to look as healthy as you can. We're getting out tonight."
"They won't allow me."
"Then we'll make up an excuse. Your mother died and you have to go to her funeral."
His sentence falls on my heart like stone and I look at him with wide, painful eyes. He doesn't notice anything.
I wish at least it were true, what he said. But my real mother abandoned me a long time ago.
I don't say anything else and just go to my room and sit down, deep in thought. Natsu comes back one hour later and tells me everything's been solved and I can leave.
"And where will I go?"
"I arranged a taxi to take you to an old chalet. I booked us rooms for a week."
"Is it safe?"
"No."
I eye him confused.
"But it's hidden. I think we'll be safe for the first few days." He pauses. I can hear the clock ticking for a few seconds. Eventually, he sighs. "I'm sorry."
"What for?" I say softly.
"I can't even give you a safe place to rest." He says in a deep voice looking in the opposite direction.
I can feel my heart rushing in my chest. This is proof that he truly cares for me. And it makes me smile with love.
"It's ok." I say mildly. "You're doing your best. So thank you."
He sighs again.
"We'll meet tonight or tomorrow morning. But if… Just in case I don't come…."
He pauses and I frown confused. What does he mean by that?
"If I don't show up, start training on your own. Do the exercises we're doing at the base. Try to practice with your own reflexes. Don't give yourself a moment of mental break. You must always be sharp and…"
He suddenly spins on his heels and walks towards me. He falls on his hunkers and grasps my shoulders.
"Look at me, Lucy. I'm telling you this for your own good. This is your first mission. This is not a joke. You got yourself mixed in this dirty business and I know that it's not your fault. But normally beginners like you aren't even given missions, just errands inside the organization. You are not prepared for any of this. That's why I'm telling you, for who-knows-how-many hours, we're going to be separated. I need to trust that you'll be safe. Are you taking all of this seriously?"
"I am." I answer loud and clear. In truth, though, I wish I gave it all more seriousness and it's all this 'love's' fault.
"Then promise me that everyday you'll do everything as if they're around the corner, ready to kill you."
He probably can read the fear in my eyes, because he hurries to say:
"I'm not telling you to be afraid. Just extremely cautious. I want you to be prepared for anything."
Just thinking about a scenario in which I'm all alone, waiting for a possible assault, freaks me out. I bite my lip in order not to burst out crying.
"Alright." I say shakily. "I promise."
His eyes slowly change from the tough ones of a coach to the mild ones of a friend.
"I don't want you to get hurt." He whispers.
He just insists of making my heart burst out, doesn't he? He's rough, gentle, angry, mild, mean, kind! Why is he confusing me so much? Right now I have to think about surviving and all I can understand is that I have to survive without him. He makes me dumb with just one look. I hate it. But I also love it.
"Then don't leave me."
"I can't. We'll be too obvious."
"Why do you always have to think about them before me?"
Oh no. I'm doing it again.
My hand rushes at my eyes and I wipe away the first tear.
"Why do you always have to be bothered by the way they see us or by what they might be thinking and suspecting? Why can't you just pretend to be blind for once?"
Now I can't stop them. I can't stop the words. I can't stop the tears.
"Why can't you just leave along with me? Why must you torture me so much with all the expectations and, and…"
But I already know the answer to all of the questions! Why am I doing this?
"Because it's dangerous!" Natsu calls out shocked. "You said you're taking it all seriously! Can't you understand that we need to survive?! This is not a game!"
"I know, but…" I whisper as my shoulders are jumping silently. And then, I finally speak the truth. "I'm scared, Natsu…"
He doesn't reply and just looks at me with that pitiful look that I despise so much. I don't him to see me cry like this. But there's nothing I can do.
"Please don't leave me alone…"
I feel his arms surround me with such gentleness and warmth that I could drop dead any minute now due to my insane heart. And then he pulls me at his chest, lending me his shoulder to cry on.
"I'm sorry I'm not strong enough…" I say between my hic-cups.
He doesn't say anything. It's silent and all that can be heard is my quiet crying. He slowly rubs his hand on my back, blind and deaf at how this is killing me more and more each second. He can't understand how my entire body is filled with shivers, hot, cold, calm, restless! He's driving me crazy with that bare gentle move. And I keep thinking that he's going to leave me alone. It's simply ripping me apart.
His arms slowly push me away and I can feel his fingers run over my cheeks, wiping my tears, tickling my senses. And then, with slow, tender moves, I feel his lips kiss my forehead.
"I'll come at the chalet as fast as I can. I promise." He says and after a while, I nod softly.
My heart is slowly calming down and so is my rage. I feel like I should apologize for all the horrible things I said earlier. I know Natsu is doing his best for both of us in order to survive. But I can't even open my mouth.
"Lucy."
I look up at him as he stands ready to leave me.
"Cheer up. You're stronger than you think you are. I trust you, so you'll be fine."
One last round of tears makes my vision blurry as I watch him completely vanish from the room. The door closes and I feel my heart breaking. I'm alone. From now on, I'll be on my own.
I dry my eyes with my morale completely down. I've got so many questions, so many things I wanted to tell him. But it's too late. It's true that he's been taking care of me so far, but from now on, I have to be strong and take care of myself.
I pack the few things I have and with the brightest smile I'm capable of creating, I go to the reception downstairs.
"Yes?"
"Hello, my name is Julie Jacobs. I've been discharged today?"
"Hold on for a moment, please."
She searches on her computer and then frowns at me.
"You didn't have any of the tests and you also didn't take your medicine yet. You can't be discharged yet."
I freeze and for a moment, I don't know what to do. Is it too early? Didn't Natsu say I can leave anytime I want? What's going on?
"I-I have an emergency. I've been told I can leave."
"I'm sorry, I didn't receive such information. You'll have to talk to Mrs. Bell."
A woman approaches the reception just as I'm wondering what I should do.
"Hey Summer, regarding Ms. Jacobs from room 21, she's been discharged, so she can leave."
"Mrs. Bell." The woman at the reception smiles at her. "This is Ms. Jacobs."
The woman's head turns at me surprised and she smiles kindly at me, wrinkles appearing on her face and revealing her age.
"You're in a hurry to leave?"
I nod shyly.
"I'm sorry, I have an emergency."
"I heard. It's about your uncle. My condolences."
I look at her surprised. Natsu changed my 'problem'. It couldn't be that he noticed my reaction when he said that! He's way sharper than I thought!
"Thank you." I say.
"Did you take all your things?"
"Yes."
"Are you sure you're feeling well enough to leave?" she frowns at me.
I smile widely.
"Yes, thank you for your concern. I only need to rest right now."
"That's what I was going to say." Mrs. Bell grins at me.
We say goodbye, she wishes me good-luck and then I'm out.
I walk slowly, insecurely. For the first time ever since I was kidnapped, I'm completely alone. Natsu stays at the hospital. My friends are all at the organization. I'm on my own. I could as well run away.
I flinch and my eyes open widely. My jaw slightly drops. I don't take any other step.
I could as well run away.
I can't believe this.
This is the perfect opportunity. I've been waiting for this moment ever since I was taken to BLS. Nobody's watching me. Nobody will know. So what if I leave Natsu alone? It's his mission after all! If I leave, I'd be stepping away from his job, not being a burden anymore. Wouldn't that be a favor? All I have to do is take the wrong taxi, return home, hide for a while and then go on with my life. Maybe I won't be able to ever return on the big screen, but at least my life wouldn't be the one of a slave's anymore. I wouldn't be forced to always think about survival. I wouldn't be forced to take others' lives in order to keep my own. I wouldn't be forced to live the life of a dog! I could be free to go shopping again. To make new friends and to hang out with them early Saturday mornings! I could be free to love. Free to love with a love that isn't bounded by those high, concrete walls and by those high-tensioned fences.
Would I be able to do that?
To go along with my initial plan, to escape? Could I leave Gray, Levy, Thayla, Gajeel, Loke and the others? Could I throw away the love I have for Natsu? Could I throw away the trust he has for me?
His words sound in my head as if he only just spoke them: "Cheer up. You're stronger than you think you are. I trust you, so you'll be fine."
And if I return home, what will happen? I'd be chased by the organization until they find and kill me. Maybe the one who'll be sent to kill me will be Natsu himself. At this thought, a strong shiver goes down my spine. I don't think I'd be able to bear the pain to know Natsu would kill me. I'm in love with him, that's a fact. So it'd break my heart. In fact, the bare thought that I can't see him anymore once I return to my own little 'home', is breaking my heart.
What should I do?
For the first time in ages, nobody's telling me what to do. Then, what do I want to do?
Is it freedom that I want, or is it love?
The freedom only goes half way, while the love has its own limitations.
I don't know how, but I suddenly remember something that I think Natsu said before.
I'll give you the best role, the best character! You'll pull it out perfectly and everybody will be so proud of you! Your movie will be loved and a source of inspiration for many, many people!
Wow, sounds awesome!
You'll get the biggest Grammy prize and what other prize is available! People will admire you. Hannah will admire you. You'll have your friends to look up at you!
This is freedom!
But that's not what you want. I know that's not what you want. Because you're just like me, Lucy.
I remember Natsu's tears.
You're just like me. And we don't give a shit about all this stuff. We need something else.
Love.
And this is love.
These were the words Natsu told me in order to keep me alive. I only remembered this now. And it's good, because they seem to have a great impact in my heart. Freedom and love.
Now which one will I choose? Because I can't seem to have them both.
I breathe in deeply and look around me at the craziness of the city. Cars everywhere. Two people are fighting in the middle of the street. A couple is holding hands while looking through the window of a shop. An old lady trips and is helped by a young girl. A man jerks his friend and walks in the opposite direction. A mother and her son walk out of a cab. The traffic lights change and a car stops too late almost bumping into a scared girl. A dog barks. Cars honk. Kids scream.
I'm surrounded by all of this and I can't even think clearly. I hurry to the taxi waiting for me and shut myself in silence. Maybe the noise is just an excuse. Maybe me being tired is also just an excuse.
"Julie Jacobs?"
"Yes."
"Got it. We'll reach the chalet in no time. And don't worry about the price, it'll all been paid."
Maybe everything is just an excuse right now. Maybe I'll even regret it later.
However it is… I seem to have chosen love.
"Thanks." I sigh and then close my eyes.
Somebody once said that when you're in love, you become three times stupider than usual.
I truly never believed that person until today.
Next time, adventures at the chalet! Don't miss any of it! Thank you for reading!