Thank you to Ludi, my amazing beta, who actually wrote parts of this. And thenk you to everyone who has read and commented over the years. I'm sorry the installments are so far apart.
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Early in the morning Rora walked far from the house, out into the green wheat, and looked at the clouds. She liked it here, and much as Logan had hinted…stated…that he would take her away or have someone come get her, she knew she wasn't leaving.
The wind picked up when she stepped onto the plain and it had a perfect speed and rhythm to it. It would blow and subside, blow and subside, so that the wheat lolled like ocean waves. It felt like breath to her. Nothing but rolling grass as far as the eye could see. Nothing but earth and sky.
She saw Logan watching her from a distance, but he did not bother her. It had been a day since she'd woken up and foolishly stuttered out everything she knew about herself. But here, in the fields and in the arms of the wind, she didn't need to know anything. Everything was simply as it should be.
When she went back to the house he was there with a beer in hand, watching soccer. She looked at him and he looked at her. When she had first awoken she had been on edge, not herself. Now she felt balanced and had no compunction simply asking, "Will you walk with me Logan?"
He stared at her a moment, surprised, but he nodded yes and slowly rose from his chair, following her out the door with his beer.
"Aren't you hungry?" He was genuinely curious. She'd been out all day and hadn't eaten as far as he could tell.
"Yes." She said simply.
They walked another hundred meters out and she turned to him at last.
"What do you feel when you stand out here?"
He took a drink from his bottle and looked around. "The wind is acting up, could be another storm."
The answer somehow vexed her. "Isn't there anything else?"
He looked at her, a little annoyed. "Like what?"
She thought for a moment. "What makes you live out here if not the…beauty?"
He took a deep breath and looked again at the dimming horizon as the fragmented clouds sailed over them, orange and purple and pink. It was beautiful at times like this, but he did not want to say so.
"Solitude." He said finally and took another drink. She could sense a deep pain in him, the way he said it, and she understood.
"Yes." She pulled a stalk of wheat up and examined the grains. "Yes, I can see that."
They looked together at the place where the sunlight still warmed the sky and Logan finally spoke.
"I'll take you back in the morning, but you should get some food now."
"I don't want to go back. I'll stay here." There was no pleading. Just a statement. As though it would cause no inconvenience, no complication.
The word 'No' rose to his lips but he never said it. He just turned around and walked back to the house, and after the sun went down and the sky turned blue-black, she followed.
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Remy woke in the morning as the sun was coming up. He had gone to bed around noon and slept the day and night away. He was a little amazed actually. It was not normal for him to need so much sleep, certainly not continuously. His guileful and often nocturnal life required him to watch his back, and he would usually wake up several times in the night.
He headed to the roof of his apartment complex to smoke and think about his situation. He had grown a little bored in Madripoor and even though things were awkward as they stood with Anna and her relations, there was a certain mystery to it all that held his interest. For one thing there had been a lot of money. For another, no contracts, which should have been a red flag to anyone but him. Whatever it was Raven wanted done, she wanted him off the books. The upside of course was, if he didn't like whatever was on the stick, he could simply walk away.
Ah yes…the stick. He finished his cigarette in no particular hurry and climbed down off the roof. Inside his apartment he dug in his duffle bag and pulled out his tablet case. He placed the data stick on the back of the tablet and it held magnetically. Three files appeared on the menu. 'Historical Documents', 'Black Womb', and 'Assignment'. He tapped on the file that said 'Assignment'. There was a set of coordinates and a line: 'Go to the listed location for transport. Once at destination, courier goods back to HQ.' The paragraph ended.
He laughed out loud.
Anna, what is this spy shit your momma wants?
He tapped on the file that said 'historical documents' and row after row of files named by date populated his screen. He tapped on one and some very dry sounding meeting notes appeared. He backed out of the file and set the tablet aside. It would take a long time to work through this stuff and he need to do a couple of other things first. Like acquire some transportation.
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He glanced down at the coordinates on his phone and frowned.
Either this wasn't right, or Raven was playing some game, but he was back at the airfield and this looked suspiciously familiar.
Right on cue he saw the Rogue begin to make her descent onto the tarmac, and he pulled a wry little face, his stance loosening up as he realized: Raven is playin' some game.
It took a while for the ship to land, and while he was waiting he reread his assignment.
Courier goods back to HQ.
He had to admit, he was curious… but less curious than he was about Anna's role in all this. If he was honest his mind was on her, and it hadn't escaped his notice that something about where things stood between them felt glaringly unfinished.
They hadn't really talked since the Princess, and he was eager to pick up where they'd left off… except he wasn't sure that she was ready for the kind of 'picking up' he wanted. She'd seemed so … fragile, somehow, and he'd wanted to touch base with her on it after the fact, except that they had been interrupted by Kurt, and everything since then had been left up in the air.
The Rogue had finally taxied to her hanger and the ramp slowly lowered. He was hardly surprised when Anna appeared.
"Hey Chere." he called out to her as he walked up to meet her on the tarmac.
She stopped a second and lifted a hand, shielding her eyes from the sun. She knew it was him, but it was like she couldn't quite believe it. Okay, so Raven hadn't warned her about his role in this. That was interesting, and in ways he wasn't sure he liked.
"Remy." She was smiling as she finally came level with him, obviously happy to see him. "I can't talk right now, I'm sorry. I'm supposed to be meeting someone for work."
"I think that's me. Your momma didn't tell you?" he asked, genuinely shocked. Her mouth came together in a pout that immediately set his pulse racing.
"Raven doesn't always tell me everything," she replied. "But I'm not sure why she wouldn't mention you were my pick up. Show me your instructions."
He pulled out the data stick and attached it to the back of his phone. She read the sparse instructions and shrugged, seeming to get over it pretty quickly. It was interesting to him, primarily because he knew that if he was in her position he wouldn't be quite so casual about being in the dark.
What was Raven playing at, he wondered? Putting them together like this? He was sure she was used to moving people around like chess pieces, and now he was one of them. Fine, he could play at that for 120K credits. For a while.
"C'mon," Anna was saying, and he followed her up the ramp.
He followed her to the cockpit and sat in the copilot's seat next to her. She spun up the engines and began pulling forward back onto the runway. He didn't talk to her. It looked like whatever she was doing required some concentration and he knew in a few minutes they would be on autopilot. He watched her a little in his periphery, her movements so well practiced they looked bored and automatic. It was kinda hot if he was honest with himself.
They lifted off and the sensation of being pressed into the seat grew and grew until it was a little uncomfortable. It continued until the cockpit windshield was bathed in blue-orange fire as they tore through the atmosphere. He felt like he was floating for a moment before the artificial gravity kicked in with a sort of leveling out sensation.
Anna sat, watching space come at her. She seemed almost in another world and he hesitated a moment, wondering how to pick up where they had left off. His mind was still on what had happened at the Princess, and he had no idea where her headspace was at right now.
She had to be feeling some kind of way about this. He'd taken her virginity after all, and it was something he'd instinctively wanted to avoid because of all the complications that came with it, but… She seemed almost unconcerned. It bothered him more than he liked to admit.
"So where are we goin' if you don't mind my asking?"
"St. Francis of Assisi Hospital. We're picking someone up."
"Why do you need me for that?"
She tilted her head a little and the look on her face implied a level of shadiness he was entirely comfortable with.
"Is that not in your notes?"
"Non."
"Funny…let me look at mine again." She pulled out her phone and tapped on a bit. Her brow furrowed. "She keeps calling him a patient, makes sense, maybe he physically can't walk or something and we need to help him."
He wanted to stop her right there and ask her why she seemed ok with all this… but then, hadn't he functioned the same way working for Dark Star? Following vague orders and mysterious directions. Secret operations were planned by the people at the top and if too many of the people at the bottom knew the whole picture then there wasn't really a secret anymore. But that was a life he had escaped from, at great personal cost, and the fact that working for Raven was shaping up to be the same, or at least similar, left an acrid taste in his mouth. Perhaps Anna had not been asked to do the types of things that he had. Almost certainly. Perhaps that's why she didn't seem bothered by the opaque nature of her work. And then, as though she could sense his discomfort, she asked him;
"Does it bother you not to know?"
He was a little embarrassed at being read, but he replied quickly "A little bit, yeah."
"She's trying to protect us."
He smirked to himself, "I mean, that's one way to look at it."
"You think this is part of some evil plot." She looked at him sideways.
"Probably." He smiled to keep the mood light and it worked. She laughed.
"I don't think Raven's evil."
Faith. Well that was one thing he never had in Dark Star, or the Union, or anyone apart from Jean Luc and the guild. He expected if he pressed her too far he would hear the words greater good come out of her mouth sooner or later. The way they had come out of Essex's mouth so many times. He bitterly remembered the day he rigged a thousand tonnes of explosives to 'clear' Izmar. He remembered there was some grander design behind it all but if he was honest with himself he did it because he was getting paid a lot of money, and because he didn't really know what else there was out there for him. And then, in the midst of all the ash and smoke, with the wails of the dispossessed rising from the distant trees where some had escaped to, he saw a single child's shoe…and a switch flipped in his mind, the weight of the atrocity began to slowly descend. It would take years to fully feel it, but just then he turned and went back to the transport ship that had ferried them there. Victor smacked him on the back and smiled and seemed confused when he had responded tepidly.
"Men do all kinds of bad shit when they don't know the details," he said tonelessly.
She stifled a laugh.
"Is that what you're afraid of?" She asked him with obvious sarcasm. "Doing something bad?"
He gave her a sly look, happy that she was relaxed enough to play with him, a little sad that she thought he was entirely without scruples.
"Not really."
"I didn't think so." She grinned and started to get up. "C'mon, let's get coffee."
He followed her to the kitchen and watched her. She was charmingly self-conscious now that she wasn't flying. She would nervously tuck her hair behind her ear or clear her throat when she didn't know what to say. Signs he knew how to read all too well.
"How long is this flight?" He asked her off-handed as she filled a cup with hot water.
"No jump gate, so 3 hours or so." She passed him the cup.
He stepped a little closer to her and took it. Close enough that she caught the hint and looked up at him. "You got any ideas how you wanna pass the time?" He said with just the barest trace of suggestion in it.
She smiled and blushed and stood her ground. "I have some ideas." She bantered back shyly and took a sip of her coffee. A little too smooth for the Anna he thought he knew, but he was liking this dynamic at the moment and he rolled with it, even though he liked her enough that he felt the urge to warn her. To tell her he was a monster. But he didn't because she was beautiful, because she smelled good, and because she was hypnotizing him somehow.
He sipped his coffee once and set it back down, then leaned against the edge of the counter facing her with body language he hoped would invite her to touch him. Hands curled around the ledge, relaxed. He could see her thinking about it, holding her coffee cup in front of her like a shield.
"What are your ideas, p'tit?" He prompted softly, with a wicked smile.
She put her coffee down on the counter beside him then, with endearing uncertainly, she raised her hand and placed it over his heart.
He felt frozen. Like he was swimming in honey. It was hard for him to move his arms to embrace her because the gesture was somehow too real, too…sweet. It reminded him of Belle and he hated that he thought of her just then, but that touch…that kind of touch. He missed it.
She looked at him and he looked at her and neither knew what to say. She blinked as if coming to her senses and pulled back, but he grabbed her wrist.
"Non." He placed her hand back over his heart, but the moment was changed. He reached up and pulled her close to hide his embarrassment at being so entranced. He smoothed his face along her neck and felt her body melt into his. By the time he kissed her she was entirely willing, a realization that normally felt like a victory but now felt like…nothing, not even shame, because he felt himself pulled along by the same current. The same current that had washed him into Belle's arms.
He shook the thought away and kissed her more deeply as a means of distraction. Her unpractised lips could barely keep up. She pulled her hand free from him and reached for the hem of his shirt, but instead of pulling it off she slipped her hands underneath it and continued kissing him. All her gestures were naively honest…like she didn't know how badly this could all go. Like she'd never had a man break her heart. Not the way he knew a heart could be broken. It was another warning shot that he heard only faintly over the rushing tide of lust, over the paralyzing beauty of her bare hands pressed to his chest, feeling his heart beat right in her palm. He was helpless…and afraid.
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St. Francis of Assisi Hospital was far enough away from the Capitol that Raven had to take a shuttle. Its spires reminded her of a Cathedral, not the stark glass and right angles that had been popular in industrial architecture for centuries. A statue of the Virgin Mary with downcast eyes and praying hands met her in the lobby as well as a woman in blue scrubs and a man in a suit.
"Minister Darkholm. I'm Steven Rosales, Chief of Medicine," said the man. "This is Braelyn Schneider, Mr. Averin's nurse."
"Hello Dr. Rosales, Ms. Schneider. Please, let's not waste any time meeting the patient."
They obediently turned and she followed them down a long pillared hallway, through an imposing set of metal doors, down another hallway, and finally to a room with a single man inside hooked up to IVs and sleeping.
"Is it alright if we wake him up?" Raven asked politely.
The nurse went over to his bed side and shook him gently. "Daniel," she said softly, "Someone's here to see you."
The man's eyes opened slowly with much effort, as if weighed down by something tremendous.
He was barely recognizable to her, gaunt and sunken-eyed as he was. But in the eyes it was still there, just a hint of Essex, just a hint of the thief.
"May I please have a moment with him alone?"
"Of course," said the doctor.
"Thank you." Raven replied and turned back to Daniel. She pulled a chair to the bedside and looked into his eyes. They focused on her. A good sign. When she heard the door click behind her she addressed him with a compassion she did not often show to anyone besides Anna and Kurt.
"Daniel." She said softly. "I'm sorry you are here. Like this." She paused and licked her lips. "I may be able to help you if you can help me."
She thought she saw the barest glint of curiosity in his eyes. He opened his mouth and she could again see the effort put into moving any muscle at all. "No one…can help me," he whispered.
"No…I can help you. But only if you talk to me."
"About…what?" The words seemed dragged into existence from far far away.
"About the time you spent working for Nathaniel Essex."
She thought she saw his body spasm just a bit, like he might have laughed. He closed his eyes and whispered, "Too tired." And he certainly looked it. She feared he was too far gone to bargain with.
"Listen, Daniel. This is very important. I know Essex pays your hospital bills and he will know if anyone removes you from the premises…but Dr. Rosales is signing your death certificate as we speak." His eyes opened, quicker this time and his brows almost furrowed. "You will come with me to my facility and be treated, and then we will talk. Essex will think you are dead. You will work for me."
He said nothing but the alarms on the monitors began to go off as his heart raced out of control. Raven went to the door and opened it. Dr. Rosales and the Nurse returned to detach him from the various devices and remove the IVs. The nurse put her hand on him as if to comfort him before toeing the locking device of the bed and wheeling him out into the hallway.
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Anna let the lukewarm water run over her just long enough to get clean and shut off the shower. She wrapped herself in a towel and as soon as she exited the small bathroom Remy went in. They had spent too long fooling around and now there was a bit of a sense of urgency. She trotted to the cockpit and assessed their approach. About five more minutes on autopilot. She hoped the Cajun made it fast because after they started their descent the gravity would be unpredictable.
She sat and braided her hair over her shoulder feeling a foreign absence of anxiety. She didn't want to think too much about it though. If she developed expectations she might be disappointed, but she knew they were there, bubbling up from the freshly disturbed silt of her mind.
Well, it was time. She flipped the AI off and took control of the helm. There was a subtle lurch and then Rogue began to fall belly first into the Mesosphere. There was always some turbulence at this point and she chuckled when she heard the sound of someone tripping over something and cursing past the bay behind her. Remy joined her shortly thereafter.
"Guess you weren't kidding when you said we had to hurry."
"Sorry, we've got a pretty short window to maneuver in before the airspace is accountable again."
He clearly had no idea what that meant but was making some guesses.
"So you know what we're doing when we land?"
"Yeah, there's transportation waiting for us." She pulled a pair of keys out of her pocket and dangled them in front of him. He took them reflexively and just in time. The turbulence was picking up as they sped through the clouds. Small jolts indicated the alternating of smaller boosters to compensate for the pull of the planets gravity, still the descent was so fast it made him just a little nauseous. The runway appeared, at fist just a grey scar down the middle of a field but it approached so quickly that he caught himself gripping the armrests of his chair. She could see it out of the side of her eyes and smiled again.
"You showing off Chere?"
"Maybe a little." She smiled and that seemed to reassure him. More so when they leveled out and slid onto the tarmac as frictionless as a swan landing on a lake. Then there was nothing but roar of the powerful breaking engines and the momentum of his body propelling him forward. At last they stopped.
"Nice landing."
"Oh, I can fly my friend." She shot back with obvious pride. In fact, flying was the only time he saw her completely confident and carefree.
She taxied them to her designated spot and they walked out of the side access door where an ambulance was waiting. Remy went to the driver's side and tapped the coordinates into his phone.
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Daniel was frightened but the fear felt detached. He had come to terms with his own death long ago and now hoped only for the absence of pain. Whatever was to happen to him, he prayed that his body was weak enough to give out as soon as possible and spare him any more suffering. There was a sweet apathy that came right at the threshold of death. A carelessness so comforting he yearned for it, but each time he felt it he was pulled back, either by fate or by medicine, into the world of the living. He cursed the Catholics and their worship of life.
The happy murals of flowers and playing children blurred past him as they pushed him down the hallway. Past the employee cafeteria, past the beautiful but ancient Chihouli water fountain, all the way out to the ambulance dock. There Remy waited and swung open the doors of the ambulance as they approached. Daniel locked wide eyes on him as he was pushed past and into the dark interior, heart beating fast enough he thought he might die, finally.
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Thank you for reading and please review.