The next morning, Benny, Brain, Choo-Choo, and Fancy went to the coffee shop for work. Jerry was already there, waiting on the customers.
"Hi, Jerry," Benny said. "Where's Mrs. C?"
"She called to tell me Top Cat convinced her to take the day off," Jerry said. "But Reine will be in at about three in the afternoon."
"Yeah, when school lets out," Choo-Choo nodded.
"Speaking of Top Cat, where is he?" Jerry asked. "And where's Spook for that matter?"
"Like, sorry we're late," Spook said, as he and Beebee ran into the coffee shop. "Beeb's alarm didn't go off, and, like, we were rushing."
"Did she tell you that when you went to pick her up?" Benny asked.
"Oh, I didn't pick her up," Spook said. "I, like, spent both nights over at her apartment."
"You spent two nights in a row at her place?" Fancy asked.
"Only on her couch," Spook said, shrugging. "Like, nothing happened, man."
"Have I taught you nothing?!" Fancy shouted.
"Hey, where is TC?" Choo-Choo asked.
"Duh, maybe he's taking the day off, too," Brain said. "After all, he and Mrs. Collins worked all day yesterday by themselves."
"I don't know," Jerry said. "Mrs. Collins told me TC said he was coming in."
"My guess is he's still sleeping in his trash can in the alley," Choo-Choo said. "That's TC for you. He makes his own hours."
"Duh, he'll probably be in later," Brain said, and the cats got to work.
A couple of hours passed, and Top Cat still hadn't shown up.
"Boy, this is really weird," Choo-Choo said. "I really think TC woulda been here by now."
"Like, I wonder where he is, anyway?" Spook said.
"Benny, go check out his trash can in the alley," Fancy said. "Maybe he's on Dibble's phone or something."
"Okay," Benny said, and then he left.
"Duh, but doesn't TC do this normally?" Brain asked.
"Yeah," Choo-Choo said. "When he says we'll do something, that just means me, Benny, Brain, Fancy, and Spook."
About twenty minutes later, Benny came back.
"What took you so long, Benny?" Jerry asked.
"TC wasn't in his can," Benny said. "So I checked around the pool hall, Schultz's delicatessen, and some of his other hangouts, but he wasn't anywhere! I even asked Officer Dibble and he hasn't seen him all day!"
"This is really weird," Choo-Choo said again. "Hey, you guys don't think somethin' happened to him, do ya?"
"I'm gonna check out back!" Benny shouted, and he raced out the back door. He returned five minutes later, holding TC's hat.
"Hey you guys!" he shouted. "Look what I found by the door!"
"Like, it's TC's hat!" Spook shouted.
"So what?" Beebee asked. "It probably fell off and he didn't notice."
"You don't know Top Cat like we do, Beebee," Choo-Choo said. "TC never goes anywhere without his hat!"
"Yeah, like, that just ain't TC," Spook said. "Gee, like, I wonder what could've happened?"
The answer to that was simple. TC had been taken down to the wharf. The man carrying the bag went into a small, rundown shack hidden underneath the dock, and went inside.
"I don't think this is such a good idea, Moe," the man inside the shack said.
"Why not, Phil?" Moe asked. "Nobody saw me, and we're gettin' good money for this job. Don't tell me you're goin' straight!"
"No, it ain't that," Phil said.
"Then what's the problem?" Moe asked, letting the cat out of the bag. TC landed on the floor with a loud THUMP!
"Ouch!" he shouted. "Hey, watch it! I bruise like a grape!"
"Wachoo!" Phil sneezed. "I'm allergic to cats."
"Oh," Moe said.
"What a shame, what a shame," TC said. "I wouldn't want to cause discomfort on your friend there, so I'll just bid you a civil adieu."
"Hold it there, bucko!" Moe shouted, grabbing the back collar of TC's vest. "You ain't goin' nowhere 'til we says so!"
"Would you putting me down, friend?" TC asked. "You're wrinkling the material."
"I'll put ya down all right!" Moe shouted, and he roughly tossed TC into a wooden chair.
"Ooof!" TC shouted, "Hey, would you watch the merchandise, please?"
"Shaddup," Moe said, as he started to tie TC to the chair. "Get started on that ransom note, Phil."
"Gotcha, Moe," Phil said, picking up a newspaper, several magazines, a jar of paste, and a pair of scissors. "Wachoo!"
"Gesundheit," TC said.
The next morning, the cats went to the coffee house. Martha and Jerry were standing behind the counter. Jerry had called Martha and filled her in on what was going on the day before.
"Have you guys managed to find Top Cat yet?" Jerry asked.
"No, he just isn't anywhere," Benny said. "I'm starting to get worried."
"Duh, maybe he left town," Brain said.
"Like, why would he do a thing like that?" Spook asked.
"I dunno," Brain said, shrugging. "It was just a suggestion.
"Oh brother," Fancy groaned.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the back door, and an envelope slid inside from underneath it. Choo-Choo walked over, and picked it up.
"Uh oh," he said. "This isn't a good sign. It's for you, Mrs. C. But there's no return address on it, and the words have been cut out from newspapers."
"Let me see that," Martha said, and Choo-Choo handed her the envelope. She opened it, and took a letter out of it, made up of words cut out from the newspaper.
"Looks like some kind of ransom note," Jerry commented. "You know, like in the movies?"
"Like, that can't be good," Spook said. "What does it say?"
"Dear Mrs. Collins," Martha read. "We have your little kitty friend Top Cat. If you want to see him again, bring one million dollars in unmarked bills inside a black valise underneath the Brooklyn Bridge on the Manhattan side by midnight Saturday. Do not call the police, or else Top Cat gets it."
"TC's been kidnapped?!" Choo-Choo shouted, panicking.
"More like catnapped," Jerry commented.
"Duh, I'll go tell Officer Dibble!" Brain shouted.
"Hold it, Brain!" Fancy shouted, grabbing the orange cat by the back of his T-shirt. "The note said not to call the police!"
"But, like, what are we gonna do?" Spook asked.
"We'll pay the ransom, that's what," Martha said.
"But we don't have a million dollars," Jerry said.
"I know, but we have until midnight Saturday to raise it," Martha replied. "That gives us at least four days."
"How are we gonna do that?" Benny asked.
"Duh, maybe if we raise the prices on the drinks," Brain said.
"No good," Beebee said. "Then, like, people would stay away in droves."
"I got it," Spook said. "We'll offer some new drinks. Drinks that are still affordable, but cost slightly more. We'll offer up a selection of cold drinks!"
"Iced coffee?" Fancy asked.
"No, man," Spook said. "Like milkshakes. Ice cream sodas. Stuff like that."
"My girlfriend's got a milkshake machine at her place," Jerry said. "I'll give her a ring and ask her if we can borrow it."
"I'll go home and get my blender and my food processor," Martha said, checking her watch. "I have to pick up Courtney from school soon, anyway, so I'll pop over to the grocery store and get some supplies. Make a list for me, would you, Spook?"
"Like, you got it, Mrs. C," Spook said. "The rest of you get busy jotting down ideas! We've got a lot of work to do, and, like only four days to do it!"
"Like, what do you want me to do, Spook?" Beebee asked.
"Like, you, me, and Jer will percolate the coffee and serve the customers," Spook said.
The cats quickly got to work. Jerry hung up the phone and got to work taking coffee orders, while Spook made the coffee and Beebee served it. The other cats did the same for the time being.
At around noon, a girl with brown hair in a flip came into the coffee house, carrying a milkshake machine.
"Hi, Linda!" Jerry called, waving. "Gang, this is Linda. My girlfriend. Linda, this is the gang."
"Hi," Linda said. "I still don't get why you need to borrow my mom's milkshake machine for the coffee house, Jerry."
"I'll let Spook field that one," Jerry said, taking the machine from Linda.
"Like, it's simple, really," Spook said. "We're trying to, like, you know, draw in more variety, so we can get more customers. So, we figure we blend some milkshakes."
"Why don't you try fruit smoothies?" Linda suggested.
"Fruit smoothies?" Spook repeated. "Like, what goes into those?"
"They're like milkshakes, except you don't make them with ice cream," Linda said. "You use crushed ice, milk, and fruit, and then you mix them up in the blender."
"Hey, like, not a bad idea," Spook said. "Jerry, does Mrs. C have a blender back there?"
"Yeah, I think so," Jerry said. "I'll go check."
"Like, thanks for the tip, Linda," Spook said. "I'll get you a Cup of Mud. On the house. And don't worry, it's not really mud. It's a really thick hot chocolate. It, like, just looks like mud."
Linda laughed, and sat down at the counter.
Half an hour later, Martha returned to the coffee shop with Courtney, and both of them were lugging in bags of groceries.
"Okay, fellas!" she called. "I've got some stuff here. What do we do first?"
"We get crackin'," Spook said. He pulled a bottle of apple juice out of one bag, and seltzer water out of another.
"May I have some apple juice before you use it, Mr. Spook?" Courtney asked.
"Tell you what," Spook said. "Like, you can be the first to try my Apple Juice Cocktail."
"Don't cocktails have alcohol in them, Spook?" Choo-Choo asked.
"Like, not this one, Choo-Choo-baby," Spook said. He poured some apple juice into a measuring cup, poured it in a glass, and did the same with the seltzer water. He kept this up until he was satisfied.
"Okay, Courtney-baby," Spook said. "Give 'er a taste. See if you like it."
Courtney took the glass, and took a sip. Then she practically drank the entire glass in one gulp.
"It's good!" she shouted. "It tastes like orange soda pop, except apple."
"And, like, it'll make your mom happy because it isn't loaded with as much sugar as soda pop," Spook said. "Like, what do you say to that, Mom?"
"I say, crazy, daddy-o," Martha said with a laugh.
The others quickly got moving. Before closing time, the group came up with eighteen new cold drink combinations.
"Okay, so like, we got the following," Spook said, making a list. "My Apple Juice Cocktail, Lemon Lime Punch, and Raspberry Smoothie, Chooch's Strawberry Orange Twist, Mango Juice Cocktail, and Cherry Vanilla Smoothie, Fancy's Strawberry Banana Smoothie, Mardi Gras Punch, and Root Beer Float, Benny's Berry Blend, Blueberry Smoothie, and Orange Cream Smoothie, Beebee's non-alcoholic Pina Colada Smoothie, Tropical Twist, and Citrus Twist, and Brain's Pistachio Milkshake and Coconut Lime Drink. Which was, like, the tastiest of everything we came up with!"
"Yeah," Choo-Choo said. "That was delicious, Brain. Who woulda thought limes and coconuts could be a tasty combination?"
"Duh, yeah," Brain said. "My mama used to feed that to me whenever I got an upset tummy. She said if you put the lime in the coconut and drink them both up, it'll help cure your belly ache."
"I just hope we can manage to raise a million bucks by Saturday with these," Fancy said.
The others agreed.
Meanwhile, Phil and Moe were at their shack, playing cards. TC was just sitting there watching them. He couldn't really do much else, what with being tied to that chair and all. As they were sitting around, the phone rang.
"I'll get it," Moe said. "Hello? Oh, hiya, boss. Yeah, we got him. Nobody saw me. Naw, he can't escape on us. We got him tied up for now. Yeah, Phil delivered the note. All he did was sneak into the alley behind the place and he slipped it under the door. But we gotta little problem. See, Phil's allergic to cats and . . . . . Well, see, boss . . . . . yeah. Okay."
Moe talked a little more to his boss, while Phil just sat there, sneezing.
"Nasty sounding cold you've got there, Phil," TC said.
"I told you," Phil said, his nose completely stuffed up. "It's dot a code! I'b allergic to cats!"
"Sounds like a cold to me. Yes, I know the difference between a cold and an allergy. And that, my friend, is definitely a cold."
"Doh it ain't. It's by allergy to you. You're a cat, ain'tcha?"
"Me? A cat? Oh no, no, no, no, no! Whatever gave you that idea? Me a cat? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!"
"Well, your dabe's Top Cat, ain't it?"
"Don't you know what the word cat means, Phil? Don't you keep up with the jive? When someone's a cat, it means they're a swinger! A real cool fella. The hippest of the hip, you get what I mean? You dig my jive?"
"But why's your dabe Top Cat?"
"Because Top Swinger sounds more like a carnival ride. I needed something with a little more punch. Something short and sweet, you understand."
"So . . . . if you're dot a cat . . . . thed what are you?"
"I'm an aardvark."
"Oh."
"And you're not allergic to aardvarks, are you?"
"Doh. I do't think."
"There, you see? You, my friend, have got yourself a nasty, nasty, nasty cold! And before you know it, that cold could turn into the flu!"
"It cad?"
"Yeah, sure it can! And then, that cold will turn into pneumonia!"
"Gee . . . . . wachoo!"
"And then that pneumonia could lead to . . . . . well, I'd rather not go into something that unpleasant, Phil. It's too horrible to think about!"
"You bean . . . . ."
"Yes, Phil. Check out time."
"Oh boy . . . . ."
"But fortunately, I know exactly what will help you! You see, down at Martha's Coffee Shoppe last Saturday, we had ourselves a little Fiesta Night, and it was pouring down in buckets! One person came in with a cold, and we gave him our special Hot Stuff coffee. Cleared that cold right up. Why, I even heard Queen Elizabeth herself got wind of this Hot Stuff, and ordered some for herself. And that's all she ever drinks at tea time these days. Tell you what, I'll treat you to a cup of Hot Stuff myself. If you'll be so kind as to untie me, we'll be on our way."
Phil shrugged, and started to untie TC, and, of course, started sneezing non-stop the closer he got to TC, when Moe hung up the phone and walked over.
"What do you think you're doing?!" he shouted, bopping Phil in the head with his fist.
"He said he was godda get be subthig for by code," Phil said.
"You ain't got a cold!" Moe yelled. "You're allergic to cats, remember?!"
"But he said he wasn't a cat. He said he was ad aardvark."
"Do you even know what an aardvark looks like?!"
"Doh, but . . . . ."
Moe groaned, and grabbed a dictionary off the bookshelf and opened it. He showed Phil a picture of an aardvark.
"That's an aardvark," he said. "They got long ears, and long noses."
"Would you believe I've had my ears cropped and got a nose job?" TC asked.
"Shaddup, flea bag!" Moe shouted, tying a gag over TC's mouth to keep him quiet.
"How log we godda put up wid dis cat?" Phil asked.
"Just until Saturday at midnight," Moe said. "The boss is sure that the Collins lady's gonna pay up."
"What if she doesn't?"
"Then we'll get to see if there really is more than one way to skin a cat!"
TC gulped. He had always hated that expression. He hoped the others would come through for him.