A/N Ok so this chapter has taken forever and is relatively short- my issue was I was at 20,000 words and it was getting ridiculous! SO..I've split it in the best way I can. Good news is this means the next chapter is longer and basically written so will be up soon!

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'Please don't hate me honey. I told her because she's right there with you. She can look out for you in a way that I can't trapped in this godforsaken chair'

'I don't hate you Dad' Peyton sinks into the seat beside him. 'I wasn't thrilled that you told her but it's fine. We talked and it was...it was actually nice to be able to talk to someone'

'Yeah?' Larry's racing heart eases.

'Yes but that doesn't mean I give you permission to tell Lucas. He's out of bounds Dad'

Larry sighs. 'I know. I don't know why though, that boy is still besotted with you. Haven't there been enough secrets...'

'You've been told why I left then' She presumes. He always was useless at keeping things hidden. She's known from the second she entered the room 'You and Karen really like to gossip don't you'

'Well you clearly weren't going to put me in the loop about anything'

'I've hurt you so much already Dad' She tries to explain. 'I was stupid. Clearly. I'm still so stupid. You'll never know how sorry I am-'

'You're not stupid..If Dan Scott wasn't behind bars right now...' Larry grits his teeth and a small smile graces her lips.

'You'd what? Kill him with a glower?' She wonders with jest.

'Very funny' Larry smiles at her because for a moment she looks like his daring daughter.

Her amusement wanes. '...I hurt him so much Dad. I ran away because I thought he'd hate me, to protect my heart but I broke both of us and I had his baby. I've kept his child from him. He's handled all of that like nobody else would. He's not blamed me for anything when it's all my fault...He will blame me for keeping our child in the environment she was in-'

'Who would ever blame you for that? And certainly not Lucas. If anything he's going to be devastated'

'And that's better? I can't hurt him. I can't keep hurting him. I won't.'

'Because you still love him' Larry concludes.

'Of course I love him'

'Then it's pretty simple honey. You put all this shit in the past and move on with Luke because god knows you deserve to be happy and so does he'

She puts her head in her hands and Larry despairs over the fact that his limbs won't allow him to reach out and touch her.

'You make it sound so simple'

'It is'

'No it's not'

'Why?'

'Because I'm not the same Dad! He's in love with me at eighteen and I've not been her in a long time...I don't think I could handle being with him and then him, him ending it when he realises I'm not the same'

'You are the same'

'No I'm really not' She laughs but it's not amusement.

'Everybody changes as they get older sweetie but what's in your heart, what's real, that doesn't go. My love for you and your mother could never, ever change. No amount of time could alter that'

'It's not the same' She dismisses sharply. 'You were never pleased about our relationship back then- why're you on board now?!'

'I was never not pleased- I was only worried baby- worried because you were both so young, I was worried about all the things that parents worry about. But mostly I was worried because even back then I could see that it wasn't some teenage fling and I wanted you to see the world before you settled down...You're still as stubborn as ever and unwilling to listen to your Dad's wonderful advice. That hasn't changed' He muses.

'...If he ever finds me and finds me with Lucas' She sullenly justifies another reason that fuels her desire for secrecy. 'He'll kill him!' Her voice becomes shrill. 'I'm not going to sign his death sentence'

'You said he thinks your dead'

'He does, he does' She claws her hand through her hair because her mouth has run away. 'Sorry...I just, it doesn't matter that he thinks that I'm gone, I'm still...I'm just...frightened' She admits softly.

'I know baby. I know but you can't live the rest of your life like that. You owe it to yourself and to those two beautiful girls to show them what a real, loving relationship is. You don't want them growing up basing their love life around what they've seen so far do you?'

She stiffens with his reasoning because despite knowing rationally that his words come from his longing to see her happy, all she can hear is that she's failed at giving her daughter's everything they should have had. She's failed as a mother.

'Can we stop talking about this now' She's trembling as she battles the distress that's creeping up around her limbs.

'Ok. Please just think about it. I know you think you're protecting him but you being honest with him, you being with him- that's not weakness. It's you looking to the future. It's you showing that sick bastard that he doesn't have a hold on you anymore...all I want is for you to be happy...just think about it'

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

Days pass and become weeks. He doesn't try talking to her about them. He's hell bent on following her wishes. He'll be what she wants. He'll be her friend even if it kills him.

And it is killing him. He feels like he's grieving over losing her all over again. It's suffocating. It's consuming. It's an agony that can only be soothed by one thing and that's seeing her. Being with them. It's a double edged sword. He sees her and Adele and Lexie. He's learning more about his daughter, is enthralled by the two girls, they're a distraction from the heartache he pretends he's not suffering. They get him through the days but after it's maddening because she's said no and at some point he's going to have to come to peace with that and stop hoping she'll change her mind.

Right now he's holding Alexa. He's managed to convince Peyton that they should all go and spend the day down at the creek. She was hesitant at first and a part of him hopes it's because she's going to be forced into remembering past happenings at their destination. Something that may have been the fundamental reasoning behind the chosen location. She'd agreed nonetheless, perhaps Adele jumping up and down begging beside her had been the cause of her resolve, regardless he felt like getting to spend the day, just the four of them was an achievement.

Alexa is jabbering away to him as he walks slightly ahead through the trees. She's at that stage where every question and answer is responded to with why and Peyton smiles as she walks a few paces behind because he's being awfully patient.

'Why do birdies fly?'

'Because if they didn't fly they wouldn't be able to get to their nests' He decides.

'Why don'ts they just have nests on the ground like us?'

'Probably because then other animals might come and eat them for their dinner. They're much safer up in the tree'

'Why?'

'Because it's high up and lots of animals won't realise they're even up there or maybe some animal's that would eat them can't climb'

'Why?'

'Not everyone is good at climbing'

'I am'

'I'm sure you are. Here, look your big sister's run ahead and is climbing that log, why don't you go see if you can' He sets her down as they approach an opening in the trees and the creek comes into view.

She delightedly takes on the challenge and gallops off to catch up Adele.

'Encouraging my kid to climb trees. Thanks' Peyton murmurs. He glances at her sheepishly. 'I'm kidding' She smiles. 'Sorry, she doesn't shut up at the minute'

'I like it, she's like a sponge you can literally see her sucking up everything'

'Mm. The why's loose their cuteness when it's bedtime though' Peyton enlightens him. 'She's too smart for her own good that one'

'Mm I'm sure, if her Mother is anything to go by' He winks at her and her stomach flutters but then he's looking away and turning his attention to Adele. 'Adele, meet Adele' He wavers his hand dramatically between the creek and the eight year old. 'What do you think?'

She hops down from the fallen tree trunk and scans her surroundings.

'It's called Adele?'

'Uhuh- nice huh?'

'It's pretty'

He grins. 'Come on. I'll race you down to the water'

Peyton helps Lexie clamber down from her perch and watches her hurriedly follow in her sister's path.

Her eyes don't linger on them though. Her stare falls on the tree standing tall beside her. On the heart with their initials still carved inside. Their tree. And in all of a second she's caught up in moments they'd shared here.

'Does' He kisses her lips 'Your' Her face. 'Dad' Down her throat. 'know' the crook of her neck. 'We're down here?'

'Mm. Can we stop talking about my Dad right now' her hand is tangled in his hair and she urges his mouth to press to that same spot he just found.

'I just don't want to be hunted down with a shotgun Peyt'

She opens her eyes and looks at him in both exasperation and amusement. 'He loves you'

'I'm not feeling the love. I'm feeling the- I'll kill you if you steal my daughter's virtue vibe'

She smirks. 'I'll give my virtue to whoever I please thank you very much'

'Oh?'

'And I choose you'

'Yeah?'

'Uhuh'

'Here? Right now?' He kinks his brow as he presses her into the tree.

'Maybe not right now or here' She looses her confidence.

'I'm kidding'

'I know but I won't make you wait forever Luke, I promise' Her fingers draw patterns over his chest.

'You think it's worrying me? I don't feel like I'm waiting Peyt. When it happens it'll happen. We shouldn't fucking plan it.'

'Liar'

'I do not lie'

'Okay' She nods. 'You don't think about it then?'

'Well that's something else entirely' He grins. 'Of course I think about it. How could I not, have you looked in the mirror? God you're, like right now...you're perfect' He swallows thickly. 'Fuck your legs they're just...'

She glances down at her legs and notes the mud on her shins from where she'd fallen flat on her face just twenty minutes ago in her haste to beat him to the bank. 'I'm a mess right now'

He snorts. 'I don't think you've ever been the definition of a mess. You know how hot it is that you're completely oblivious to how beautiful you are?' She shakes her head and their noses rub together. 'Uhuh' He tickles her sides and she shrieks. He laughs.

'Stop!' He does after a moment and she catches her breath. 'Ass. I hate it when you do that'

'I know. But you look so cute'

She slaps his arm lightly but her irritation lasts all of a second and her fingers are soon returning to playing with the fabric that covers his torso. 'Okay would you still love me if I were in a different body?' She proposes breathlessly.

'What?!'

'If I were me but not in this body would you still want me?'

'Yes'

She laughs. 'You're an utter liar'

'What?'

'You can't possibly say that! Here you are pawing at my legs and you reckon you'd love me if I looked different'

'I love this the most Peyt' His palm settles over her chest. 'Your heart. You're so selfless. Kind. Sarcastic. Fierce. Humble. I would really miss these though' his digits drift back to her legs and rub up and down her thighs, his thumb slipping beneath the fabric where her little shorts end. 'And your eyes'

She presses her mouth to his then, his words triggering a sudden need inside her. She arches her back off the tree, pressing their bodies intimately against each other. 'Hang on' Lucas pants, reluctantly avoiding her mouth. 'So you wouldn't want me if I was in someone else's body?' He fires her with her own question, trying his hardest to ignore the way she feels pressed against him.

'I dunno. It's hypothetical. Like you I wanna say of course but right now if you suddenly morphed into someone else it would freak me the fuck out. I only want your hands on me' She rambles.

'Forever?'

'Forever'

'Good answer' He's about to reconnect their mouthes when she dodges him this time.

'Are you nervous?' She wonders.

'About what?'

'About if, if doing it might change how we feel about each other?' She babbles.

'In what way?'

'I dunno. I'm not scared of doing..it. I'm scared of...I already feel like I can't breathe if I'm away from you too long Luke. What if it's so overwhelming that I can't ever leave your side again?' His mouth opens a little and she watches him push his tongue to the roof of his mouth and try to contain a laugh. 'What's so funny Lucas Scott?'

He shakes his head. 'Nothing, nothing, it's just you, you're worried that when we have sex it's going to be so good we're not going to be able to stop?!' He spouts. 'God don't put that much pressure on me Peyt' He smirks.

Her cheeks redden. 'Sorry'

She feels silly and he's quick to put an end to that. 'No, I do know what you mean' He nuzzles his nose against hers. 'But I think it'll be, it'll be relief. Like we can finally just be...one...you know?'

'Mm' She dazedly hums. 'God I love you Luke'

'I love you too. Now can you shut up for more than five seconds and let me kiss you?'

She smiles. 'Sorry I know I'm weird-'

He cuts off what he's sure is going to be another ramble of words and kisses her.

Every time they do this it's becoming more.

She thinks he's right. It will be relief because she's not sure how much of more of this she can take. It's not enough.

She hooks her leg up around his waist in an effort to get him closer and he grunts into her mouth in approval.

Her back digs into the bark of the tree as he grinds against her but that's the last thing on her mind right now because his fingers are between them and blindly unfastening her shorts.

He daringly lets his hand slip beneath the denim and a gasp hits his mouth as his touch finds her underwear. 'Is this okay?' The last few times they've been making out his hands have danced around going here, so much so that it's left her feeling like she might actually combust.

'Yes'

'I don't know what I'm doing' He confesses suddenly and her little bleary smile is reassurance.

'You think I do?'

His fingers venture lower. She bites her lip. Her hips rock instinctively and he's suddenly not worried about shifting his fingers beneath the damp fabric covering her.

Her hands clutch onto him then. A noise he's never heard her make passes her lips and he wants to hear it again and again.

He watches her face in awe. Watches her head tilt back. Her eyes close. Her lips parted.

'Look at me' He eventually pleas. Her eyes flutter. 'Does it feel ok?'

'...it feels...don't stop. Just don't stop' She incoherently breathes.

He smirks. He wants to be where his fingers are, wants to feel this with her but that's the last thing on his mind right now because seeing her like this is perhaps his new favourite thing.

'Peyt?'

'Huh?' She blinks. She's been wrapped up in memories and her cheeks are flushed as her head swivels to the sound of his voice.

'Wow. I'm that boring huh?' He chortles because apparently nothing he's said since he dropped onto the picnic blanket next to her has gone in.

'Sorry' Her eyes skitter to find her girls.

'They're just there' Lucas helps her out, pointing to the two children paddling. 'Really away in dream land over there huh?'

'Yeah I, I don't know where my head was at'

'I do' He boldly answers. 'This place always has me thinking about all the times we spent here too'

'I wasn't, I'm not...' She sighs. 'Maybe a little' She concedes.

'Yeah? What were you thinking about? You swimming topless?'

Her cheeks are quick to go redder and she shakes her head. 'That wasn't by choice' She keeps her stare fixated on her playing children. 'Someone threw my bikini top in the water and lost it'

'I didn't throw it, I dropped it while under your spell' He corrects. 'You're the one that took the thing off' She looks at him then 'Fine I might have helped' He grins. 'So that wasn't what you were thinking about?' He deduces. 'Carving our heart in the tree?' He tries again.

She doesn't answer.

'Oh I know what it is' He chants mischievously. 'It was before we carved our heart huh?'

'What're you doing?' She's flustered and he's clearly enjoying this little trip down memory lane.

'Enjoying how your cheeks are so red right now' He laughs. 'Well Friend, while you were imagining all those times you let me kiss you among other...things.. here I was talking to you about our daughter' Our daughter. It feels nice to say that. Not his or hers. Theirs. She likes hearing it. But she's not keen on Adele hearing it. Not yet. 'She can't hear' He answers her worried eyes that have darted back to the girls.

'Sorry I'm just not ready to spill the beans on that yet'

'I know. I just wanted to see how you thought she was doing? She seems better don't you think?'

'I think you might have a big something to do with that' He's not sure that's true. There's still moments when he thinks she might hate him but those moments have become considerably less. 'She's still a little bit touchy. With me mostly' She confides. 'I guess I'm always going to be the first in her line of fire...I guess that's why I'm scared about being honest with her. I know that's selfish. I just don't want her to hate me'

'She won't Peyt. There's no hurry. I've been seeing her practically every day and that's what's most important to me right now...I think it's a good idea for me to build trust with her first anyway...when we do tell her, we'll get her through it...together ok? As a team'

She tilts her head and he misreads her expression.

'As friends of course' He adds.

'That's not what...I...' She tries to formulate what she's thinking but as always it's a struggle because her feelings and thoughts never seem to coincide these days.

'What're you talking about?' Adele and Alexa have appeared side by side.

'Oh just about how your Mum use to always push me in the water' Lucas effortlessly fabricates, smiling at the girls and pulling a funny face at Alexa. 'Watch out for that' He whispers loudly. 'She might look all sweet but if you turn your back you might end up in there' He points to the creek. Alexa looks at her mother suspiciously.

'I will not!' Peyton laughs at her youngest daughter's worrisome expression.

'Yeah that's what she use to say to me- don't buy it'

Peyton hits him lightly. 'I think you dunked me more actually' She begs to differ.

'You've been here before?' Adele sits herself in her mother's lap, her head tilting back to look up into Peyton's face.

'A few times' Peyton smiles and presses a kiss to Adele's nose. 'It might not be a coincidence that you have the same name'

'I'm named after this place?'

'Maybe. Is that alright?'

Adele holds onto Peyton's arms and pulls them round her and her head bobs. 'I like it here'

'Mm me too, it's my favourite place in the whole world'

Lucas's stare drifts to her then, her admission makes butterflies flap in his stomach because why would she say that if she didn't treasure every second they'd spent together here? He knows she spent time down here with her parents too but for the most part he was her companion.

'Mine too!' Alexa sings, feeling left out in this conversation. She successfully garners all of their attention and they laugh at her beaming face.

'Yeah?' Lucas holds his hands out to her. 'Mine too' He lifts her into the air and lays back so she's flying.

And Peyton watches on adoringly. Please let everyday be this. Nothing but this.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

After that day at the creek her mind is focused on one thing only. Lucas.

There had been brief moments of what she considered flirtation. He'd eagerly roped her into revisiting past moments shared there. Well not roped her in really, she'd got there all by herself but he'd known it and she'd done a poor job of convincing him otherwise. But those moments had been fleeting and he's since been on his best behaviour. She's meant to be relieved that he's ceased trying to talk to her about them romantically. Her head is but there's this unpleasant feeling in her stomach, a longing. He's not giving her the cold shoulder, nothing of the sort, he's being what she wanted. He's being her friend. Only him being a friend and only a friend is him not being him with her.

Her dad's words play over in her head. She can't outrun her thoughts. Being honest with Lucas is something that doesn't seem like a feasible option under any circumstances.

Humiliation. Failure. Fear. Disappointment. It's a debilitating combination that bubbles in the back of her throat. Being with Lucas equals potential heartache for her and her girls. Being with Lucas puts him in danger.

She's protecting him. She's hurting him. It makes her head pound.

She comes to a grinding halt. It's late morning. She thought maybe seeing him alone might help ease the constant state of anxiety that she's been in for the last few days but the car parked on the dirt track has her not breathing.

She can't keep up with the sudden explosion of thoughts that implode in her mind in all of a second.

Lucas is talking to the officer and she doesn't know if to run. She wants to run. But her legs aren't receiving what her brain is screaming at them to do.

'Peyt' Lucas is looking at her now and both her and the visitor begin to walk towards her. 'I was just going to come over to yours. I want you to meet Nate'

Her eyes are wide. Her heart is palpitating unpleasantly as they get closer. She's sure it must be blatantly apparent to the two men looking at her.

'Peyt' Her beating heart might not be noticeable but her dramatic unease is more than apparent. 'Hey you okay?' He hurries the last couple of steps over to her.

The officer holds back but it doesn't make any difference. His uniform. The glint of his badge. The weapon fixed to his waist.

She's waiting for him to close in. Waiting for him to spin her around and pull her arms tight behind her before hauling her to his awaiting car. Waiting for him to take her back.

'What's wrong?' Lucas's coarse hand runs up and down her arm.

'I..' She blinks. 'Nothing'

'It's just Nate...don't you recognise him?' Lucas coos, his eyes darting between them both. 'I suppose you probably don't all that well. It's not like we were on friendly terms back then but we, well we patched things up. It was Dan dividing us but now that he's gone we've been able to maintain a normal relationship' Lucas flashes his brother a smile.

Peyton scans the man in question, her panicked eyes narrowing as she notes Nathan's familiar features.

'Nathan' She murmurs quietly.

'That's right' Nathan nods. 'The arrogant guy that use to like to give Luke here hell when he was attempting to play ball'

'Attempting' Lucas snorts. 'I could take you on any day little brother' He taunts.

Nathan grins with a shake of his head. 'Who's the trained officer here?'

'Please we both know the reason you sought that uniform out was to lure in Brooke Davis'

'It worked didn't it?' Nathan childishly wavers his hand in the air to emphasise the glinting wedding band.

'You're married to Brooke Davis' Peyton dazedly echos.

'That's right. She put me in my place. I'm sorry if I ever did anything to upset you in school and I just want you to know I'm not Dan. Sadly I might have inherited some of his features but that's as far as the similarity goes. I assure you. I'm nothing and will never be anything like my father. I'm sorry for everything he did to you Peyton'

She opens and closes her mouth before hesitantly replying. '...That's not your fault'

'Maybe not but I'm still sorry. Luke filled me in'

Peyton averts her stare. She's feeling uncomfortable and she's still in a state of panic despite the knowledge that this is merely a local officer. This is Lucas's brother. She's not being arrested. He's not here about her.

'I thought I better come up here and see what's had my big brother M.I.A' Nathan teases. 'I think I've found my answer though'

'Nate' Lucas warns.

'What?' Nathan feigns ignorance to his brother's berating. 'Anyway, I just wanted to remind you that it's the Annual Fundraiser party this Saturday'

'The boat thing?'

'Yup. You are coming right? Brooke wants as many people there that we know as possible so she can avoid having to associate with her parents'

'Which reminds me, why do you two go?'

'It's a fundraiser Luke. For our town. Her parents pay for it. We've got to show our faces, you are coming?'

'Mm' He grumpily agrees. 'I said I would'

'Peyton you should come too'

'Oh I don't I..I'm not, I should- the girls' She settles on. 'I can't I have two little girls-'

'Mum will have them' Lucas throws her in at the deep end.

'I know I've not been selling it but there'll be a bar and we usually have a laugh- last year Luke ended up overboard' Nathan grins.

'We don't need to rehash that story' Lucas grumbles.

'I'll fill you in later' Nathan whispers loudly to Peyton with a wink.

'I can hear you you know'

Nathan is seemingly deaf to his brother's complaints, already walking back toward his car. 'I have to dash. Duty calls- I'll catch you both later. It was great seeing you Peyton'

She smiles. Holds her breath until he's back in the vehicle and it's pulling out of the drive.

Lucas on the other hand is fixated on her, a crease running across his forehead as he comprehends her expression. 'What was that?'

'What was what?' Her head twists to him, terror unfurling in her green eyes.

'You just now?'

'What do you mean?'

'You froze up' Clearly she'd not done a grand job of disguising her panic. 'You seemed I dunno...scared'

'I wasn't' She shakes her head. Avoids his beady stare. Feels like he can see right through her. 'I was just surprised, that's all. I thought you hated him'

'Mm I guess I did back then but I didn't really know Nate, it was just Dan's doing really...nothing like happened between you and Nate back at school did it?' He wonders abruptly.

'What? God no!' She exclaims. 'Lucas!'

'What?' He winces at her loud outrage and can't help smiling because she sounds like the sassy girl he'd once known.

'I find it a little offensive that you're basically accusing me of cheating'

'I am not! I was just enquiring'

'Well it was always you! It was only ever you!' She blurts.

'Good' He smirks and she knows in all of an instant that he just wanted to hear her declare just that. 'What?' He answers her rolling eyes.

'You just wanted to hear me say that'

'Yep. So this thing on Saturday' Nathan has given him a reason to break the code of conduct he's been keeping to and he's testing the waters. Seeing how far he can push her.

'Oh I can't-'

'You have to- he thinks you're coming now. Mum will have the girls for the night, you know she'd love to and Lily will love a sleepover'

That feeling in her stomach that she's been battling abates, because he's trying again. He still wants her.

She knows she should say no but she wants to distract him from lingering on her jittery behaviour toward his brother, at leasts that's what she tells herself.

'...okay'

'Okay?' He's surprised by her one word answer. Expected an outright no.

'Okay'