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Chapter 11 "To Be or Not To Be"

Ratchet shook his head with doubt. "Was it a wise choice for Jazz to go alone with Cierra? With the Decepticons on high alert, they are bound to find them."

Ironhide and Bumblebee nodded their heads, agreeing to Ratchet's well-made argument.

Optimus, on the other hand, wasn't convinced, but at the same time, understood where the mechs' worries lied. "If we were to accompany them, it would have only slowed their progress. Perhaps a little more faith is needed in our friend? Jazz has never disappointed us in the past when I assigned him any critical mission. I do not think he would this time." Optimus said, directing his calm assurance to all of his 'bots.

Ironhide still did not look fazed. "Are you sure that human won't be a distraction to Jazz?" He said, knowing how the mech acted around the femmes-no matter the species.

Ratchet gave him a dirty look, along with Bumblebee. "Are you forgetting that she might know the location of the All Spark? Clearly she knows what she is doing, Ironhide." He paused lifting, an optic ridge. "It was her who offered the suggestion of searching her father's office for any clues. Did you forget or is your processor not working?" He added with a glint of humor in his tone.

Raising a threatening fist to the medic, Bumblebee was quick to speak. "Girls rule!-I won't let you down sir!-Who'll say I'll get in the way?" Bumblebee said, playing female voices from movies, hoping to calm down one of the mechs.

Ratchet looked away from Ironhide as he lower his arm as Prime giving him a warning glare. Ratchet brought his attention back to the young scout, nodding his helm once in agreement. "Bumblebee is correct. Cierra is fully responsible and not as impulsive as some mechs." He said, giving a pointed glare at Ironhide.

Ironhide only scoffed and waved his hand curtly in a "get outta here" gesture.

"Besides," The medic continued. "We should be more worried about the Decepticons, rather than Jazz's problem with femmes." He added with a touch of humor.

Optimus sighed through his vents heavily and made his voice raise a little bit to make his slight annoyance known. "-In the mean time, we will remain on standby." He paused making sure they were paying attention to him fully. "Keep communications available and wait for Jazz's status report."

"And if he doesn't, then that's when we should start to worry." Ironhide commented dryly.

Ratchet brought a hand to his optics and rubbed them with a tired exhale of air from his vents. Optimus did also, but much more subtle.

Up in the support beams, Frenzy clicked his claws around his mouth quietly. He kept silent and still as he watched the Autobots.

Static filled Frenzy's processor as a secure internal com-link demanded his attention. ::Frenzy. this is Brawl.:: By the tone of his voice, he did not sound pleased. ::Starscream has ordered you to stay hidden and to wait for his command to attack.::

Frenzy clicked with anger as he replied in Cybertronian.::Stupid scrap heap! A human is smarter than that afthead! Why can't we attack yet?::

Brawl grunted, agreeing with the 'Con.:: I don't know. Who knows what goes on in that crazy mech's processor.::

The tiny Decepticon could only imagine whatdidgo through his head. ::Well, let me know when to make a move…:: Frenzy cut the com-link and once again brought his attention back onto the Autobots. Much to the recon bot's annoyance, they were not there. The 'bot twittered angrily, fighting the urge to disobey his orders.

As the Autobot and Cierra cruised on the highway heading for Los Angeles, they made great efforts to make the time pass by. Desperately, they resorted to small talk. A comment or two was made on the traffic like the chances that it would rain, or a comment on a bumper sticker. Cierra was making an effort to at least become a bit closer to the mech. So far, it was awkward. Jazz was making an effort also, but all their small talk led to dead ends. One time, Jazz made a joke about them never able to hold a conversation. Happy jests and teasing soon followed, making the teenager smile and laugh once in a while.

Sadly though, to the girl, it ended too quickly. She enjoyed laughing with him. Jazz was a fun mech and she preferred him that way. Cierra hated seeing him be so down. But it seemed whenever she was sad, he was. Whenever she was happy, he was happy. It was an odd occurrence that happened between them very often. She couldn't place her finger on the reason. Maybe it was just their friendship growing.

Jazz turned on the radio, breaking the agonizing silence. Every once in a while, Cierra would sing a line or two to a song and every time Jazz would compliment her. She would only scoff with a "yeah right" or "that's a total lie." They were jests to the mech, gently trying to make him stop complimenting her. Honestly it was making her blush and he knew damn well it was.

Smacking her lips and leaning her head against the window, she desperately sought out yet another conversation starter. As the song played in the background a thought came to her mind."Did Cybertronians have music?" She paused blinking. "No, wait, what was Cybertron like?" She turned to the mech next to him, remembering he could hear her thoughts. He looked at her raising an eyebrow in question. Apparently he didn't hear her.

"Tell me, Jazz, what was it like on your home planet?"

The question came out of nowhere, making the mech do a double take and activate his holoform in the driver's seat. He turned off the radio with a click and looked at Cierra, surprised. She didn't turn to face him, but continued watching other cars drive by. She finally creased her eyebrows in question, raised her head, and looked at him expectantly when he didn't answer.

Jazz turned to her and saw her look. "Ah, right…Cybertron." He finally blurted out stupidly, facing forward once again with one hand on the steering wheel and the other on the center counsel between the seats.

At his tone, Cierra frowned. She could tell that he was trying to avoid talking about it. Jazz never glanced her way keeping too focused on the road in front of him. "Yeah. What was it like…I mean before…the war?" She asked carefully, not wanting to push the mech too much. She wanted to make sure she wasn't going to hit a nerve.

But expectedly to the teenage girl, Jazz visibly flinched.

It was a touchy subject he did not like to talk about. He took off his sunglasses and glanced at her with uneasiness. Why in da pit would she ask meh this? Does she honestly want ta know da horrors of da war?

Cierra saw him hesitate. "If it bothers you, you don't have to answer. I was just curious. It's no big deal, really." She encouraged, quickly seeing the pain on his face increase by the moment.

It disappeared when he finally looked her way as she fumbled with her words. He smirked sadly. He honestly didn't want to go back into his memories and relive how the war damaged his life. But if she wanted to know and it would make her happy, he was willing.

The Autobot watched Cierra look away from him when he didn't answer. Second guessing himself, he licked his lips and cleared his throat. "I'll just tell her about the golden days." He thought easing himself into thinking that the topic wasn't a big deal. But in reality, he was just lying to himself. "Don' worry about it. It's cool, Cierra."

She looked back up at him carefully, clearly not convinced. Before she could say otherwise he started to speak. "Well, where do ah begin?" He said pretending to think. He took in a deep breath and spoke. "Ah was a golden age mech. Ah was youngin' Cybertronian terms." He added once he saw the look she gave him. "It was when culture an' civilization thrived. There was no such thing as Decepticons or Autobots…" A sudden, sad smile was brought to his lips.

There was a rumble in the sky, making the smile disappear and holoform look up through the windshield. Rain then started to tap against the windshield. With a wince he sighed. "Oh course…" He said with a snort of annoyance at the irony comparing it to one human movie he watched over his spare time.

Cierra couldn't help, but make a smile tick at the corner of her lip. "You now owe me five bucks."

The holoform attempted to give her a deadpanned look, but failed from the smile appearing on his lips. "Anyways…" He sighed, trying to keep on topic. "I jus' might 'ave dated ah femme who is now ah Decepticon." He said with a smirk.

Cierra sat sideways looking at her guardian with the small smirk, now a full one. "You dated?"

Jazz smiled again, caught up in the moment, forgetting the sadness to come. "Oh yeah, ah couple of femmes as ah matta of fact. My otha buddies an' meh would hang out at tha ol' energon pubs an' pick a few up."

Cierra couldn't help, but snort back laughter. "You were a player?" She finally broke out laughing.

Knowing he was entertaining her, he pressed on. He liked making her smile. "An' da parties…" He hissed as he inhaled. "Aw man, those were da all nightas. Damn, dose were da good days. Ah would always beh da last ta drop out cold from bein' ova energized."

Jazz wore a contented smile on his holoform, remembering the past. Cierra shook her head. "You got drunk…oh wow." She said. "Remind me not to bring you to the bars or clubs in Los Angeles."

He looked like he was about to say something regarding this, but shook it off with a laugh. "Hated waking up da next cycle, though." He said, eyeing her in the corner of his eye.

Suddenly like a dark dream, memories were resurfaced from memory files. The holoform frowned, slowly his face becoming blank. He continued to stare in front of himself.

She stopped laughing when she saw him frowning. "Jazz?" She asked worriedly, leaning forward when he didn't respond immediately.

He tried to smile again and tell her everything was alright, but he couldn't. He didn't even think he could if he tried. Like a black hole, the memories sucked him in. With effort, he tried to fight them back, but his struggle was fruitless. He licked his lips and tilted his head to the side, looking into the distance.

He then spoke out loud as if Cierra wasn't there. His voice was dronish-no emotion to it. It was empty-emotionless. "…An' den…all pit broke loose. Megatron rose up and united the Decepticons under his control. Being the last Prime, da Autobots were formed under Optimus's command. And once da head counsel was slaughtered by Megatron, the once powerful empire of Cybertron fell into war…and-" He paused, his stare becoming dead.

"And we killed it, we killed Cybertron slowly from da inside and out. Primus, for thousands and thousands of years, we fought dose 'cons and for what? To just fight until we extinct our own race?" He went silent once again, his holoform flickering.

Cierra shook her head, not able to see her guardian like this for a second more. She leaned forward and placed her hand on his shoulder, shaking it slightly. "Jazz?"

Like an electric shock went through him, he flinched away from the touch, snapping him out of his daze. Cierra withdrew her hand quickly and looked at him concerned. "Are you okay?"

He shook his head not bothering to answer her question. "Sorry…You-you didn't need ta hear that." He said regretting to expose his deepest thoughts to her. "It's just…I lost a lot of myself over all the years and I sometimes wish…it could be da old times again where you didn't 'ave ta keep lookin' over ya shoulder all da time…ya know?"

Cierra nodded her head in understanding. "Don't say you're sorry. I should be sorry. I should have never asked you about Cybertron." Her voice was laced with regret also.

Slowly, she looked at the floorboard clenching and unclenching her hands. Cierra only had known Jazz for only a little while and she'd only seen him in happy moods or close to it. To tell the truth, it was quite strange to see him this upset. No, it was strange. It was out of his character. Cierra had always thought that Jazz was too happy and positive to be a war harden soldier.

She was just proven wrong.

"Maybe that's why he was always positive, to avoid becoming one, to prevent from being empty and nothing inside." Cierra thought only imagine what horrible memories burned in the back of his mind. She could only piece together bloody scenes of slaughtered Cybertronians of both insignias happening in her imagination. "What about friends, family, comrades? What played through your mind as you watched them die? And all of this was just for possession over a cube of power?" She looked back up at Jazz. He seemed to hear her thoughts, but didn't decide to take notice of them.

Cierra closed her eyes and opened them, sympathetically looking back up at Jazz. "I had no idea Jazz…" She started weakly, trying to ease his visible pain. Slowly, she placed a hand onto his that rested on the center counsel. Cierra curled her fingers around his, brushing her thumb across his palm. As soon as he felt her hand on his, he looked up at her sincere face. "I am sorry…" She said, dipping her head.

Jazz licked his lips and shrugged. "…I guess it feels better to talk to someone…" He was making an effort to keep focused on the road ahead.

Cierra squeezed his hand with assurance. She was also hesitant to show her emotions. Without much thought, she spoke quietly and sincerely. "I care about you Jazz, please don't forget that." She whispered softly. Cierra smiled gently, tilting her head, indicating the multiple stitches across the skin of her collar bone and shoulder. "Anybody who saves my life surely wins my loyalty and friendship." She said, adding a small timid smile.

Jazz tilted his head and smiled sadly. "I feel the same about you, girl. As your guardian, I would give up my spark for you."

"Me too, in a heartbeat." She took her hand that was on his and lifted it to her chest, below her shoulder.

Jazz now gave her his attention fully, the road no longer important. He creased his eyebrows, swallowing hard. He felt that foreign, steady rhythm of her heart. It felt weird and interesting at the same time; he thanked his lucky stars that he was a guardian of such a unique and precious treasure.

"I won't allow it. You are too innocent to give up your life fo meh." He said.

Cierra closed her eyes and wondered if she felt an outside feeling of compassion slip into her mind. Too enveloped in their moment, she let it come and go with not much notice. She opened her eyes as Jazz snapped out of his emotions and forcefully lowered his hand back onto his lap. As his hand went away, so did the feelings. With her hand still hovering over her chest, she watched his holoform flicker out. The shocked and slightly hurt teenager stared at the empty space for a long time.

She took another step too far. Internally, she smacked herself looking away, grimacing. "Why did you do that?" She thought with poison. Not helping herself, despite the guilt she felt, she had to stop and think…had he ever opened up to the other Autobots like this?

Hesitantly she looked at the dashboard. "Unlikely…" She thought, closing her eyes as she looked away. With a quiet sigh, she brought up her legs, took off her shoes and hugged her arms around her legs.

She closed her eyes and mentally sought out for the sound of his spark. Finally blocking out the rain, the sound of his engine, and the traffic around her, she found it and concentrated, not allowing the sound to go away. She only wished she could have done more to soothe her guardians' pain.

Jazz didn't bother to play the usually calm music. All that remained was the silence and the gentle pitter-patter of the rain beating on the roof and windshield. He silently watched as his charge settled down to sleep for the rest of the ride.

Within ten minutes, the girl was in a deep calm sleep. Feeling guilt in his spark from disappearing from the girl so quickly, he warmed the seat. He slowly tilted the seat back, stretching out her scrunched up body to make her feel a bit more relaxed. With not much effort, she wrapped her arm around her head and made her other arm as a pillow. With her mouth agape, a gentle, but cute snore came from her, making the mech internally smile.

Finally able to direct his attention back onto the road, the Solstice made his way into another lane. He quietly got lost in his thoughts, forcing the memories back to his processor.

The rain continued to fall from the sky and the Autobot continued his fight with his deepest inner feelings and thoughts.

I got inspired to do this chapter from one of William Shakespeare's, Hamlet's "To Be or Not To Be speech." Look it up if ya like! (Sparknotes No Fear Shakespeare)

The "To Be or Not To Be" speech talks about whether a miserable life is better than that of an unknown life. It really inspired me to do Jazz's little deal about talking about his life on Cybertron and then his viewpoint on the war. I think the speech is the same with Jazz because he's wondering if all the years of fighting were worth it-which he will soon find out, it was.