Chapter 10
Jax strode out of Tara's room, ignoring his mother who popped out of the room next to Tara's when she heard the alarms going off on the monitors. Seeing her son's rigid back, Gemma picked up Abel and returned to Tara's room.
The younger woman was sitting up in her hospital bed, her head down, staring at her hands. When the familiar click of Gemma's boots caught her attention Tara looked up and grimaced.
"Jax knows about the baby." She said simply.
"He's under a lot of stress right now." Gemma replied, automatically defending her son.
"I told him that I wasn't sure what to do about it."
"Jesus Chris Tara, did you have to throw that at him now?"
"I wanted him to know. It doesn't do any of us any good if I keep it from him now and he finds out later." When Gemma opened her mouth to argue that Jax wouldn't have found out, Tara shook her head. "You know that's bullshit. You said it yourself, secret babies aren't any good. Somehow he'd find out about what was going on and things would be worse."
"Things will be fine. Once everyone gets their shit together, you go home get healed up with Jax and everything will be fine."
"No it won't Gemma."
"Tara, you're his old lady. You, Jax, and Abel need to be home together, where you belong. You're a family."
At Gemma's words, Tara burst out into tears, cursing the hormones that have her so on edge. Gemma's assertion about Tara being part of the family, made Jax's opposite opinion of a few weeks ago more painful.
Gemma rested the baby against her hip and moved over to sit on the edge of Tara's bed. The alarms on Tara's monitors went off and the nurse came in looking at the two women in annoyance.
"Dr. Knowles needs to rest." She instructed. "If all of you are going to keep coming in her and causing her stress we're going to have to restrict visitation."
"I'm fine." Tara said holding up a hand and taking a deep breath. "My nerves are still shot." She continued. The nurse nodded with sympathy and with one last warning look to Gemma left the room.
"Things can't go back to how they were before." Tara said quietly. She reached out her hands towards the baby in Gemma's arms. Gemma handed Abel over to Tara, a little reluctantly as she was unwilling to let her grandson out of her sight, but that feeling also gave her greater understanding of Tara's need to hold the baby close.
"Jax was just trying to protect. Do the one thing to push you away, to keep you safe."
"Yea, we covered how well that worked out." Tara retorted.
"I didn't say what he did was right, just that he thought it was the only way to get you out of this life."
"I don't know what to do with him." Tara burst out. "One minute he's telling me that I'm the only one for him, that after ten years of being gone no one else mattered, that he wants me in, fully involved in his life, then the next minute he can't push me out fast enough. I don't know if I'm coming or going with him. That's no way to live Gemma. No way to build a family."
"Just give him a chance. Listen to him, let him explain." Gemma replied her gaze moving from Tara back to the monitors. "Have you decided?" She asked nodding to the machine that monitored the baby's heartbeat
"This baby made it through hell." Tara said quietly. "It made my decision for me."
"Good." Gemma replied simply.
Her current fear relieved, Gemma sat back in her chair and enjoyed the view of Tara making faces at Abel and laughed as her grandson smiled and waved his hands trying to grab hold of any parts of Tara he could reach, her hair, nose, hands.
Jax made his way out of the hospital, walking passed the guys without a word. He continued outside, moving to his bike on autopilot. Jax jumped on and let the bike roar to life. He aimlessly drove through the streets of Charming, his mind focused on the last few weeks, not paying any attention to where he was going.
When Jax drew himself out of his thoughts long enough to pay attention to what was around him, he wasn't surprised to find himself on a familiar street. Jax pulled his bike into the driveway of Tara's dad's house, cutting off the engine. He got off the bike and moved to sit on the front porch, much in the same position Tara had found him the night he asked her why she had come back to Charming. The night she accused his words as being influenced by his mother. Jax pulled out a cigarette and turned so he faced the front door. His thoughts quickly going over all the time spent in that house. From the times he and Tara were in high school when he would slip in through her bedroom window or try to sneak her out when her old man was drunk. He thought back to the night Tara was finally his again. How Kohn attacked her in her own home, how frightened and lost she was. He remembered the wonder of how it felt to have her in his arms again.
Jax ignored the sound of a second bike coming down the street as he pulled out a cigarette. His mind moved forward to the last few weeks and how rapidly things had changed and he took a deep drag. He knew once Tara got over her anger she would realize what he had used Ima for. But he wondered if even though she understood it meant nothing, that it was a calculated move to get her out of harm's way permanently, would she be able to forgive him.
Opie pulled into the driveway, stopping his bike just behind Jax's. He slowly walked up the sidewalk and stopped a few feet in front of his best friend.
"Tara's pregnant." Jax stated, looking up to see Opie's reaction to his words.
Opie stood in shocked silence, unsure of what the next words spoken should be.
"How far along?" He asked simply, glad to have settled on a question that would also reassure him that Tara was pregnant before and after the beating, that both she and the baby made it through.
Jax laughed derisively.
"You know. I didn't even ask." He said, almost to himself stunned. "She didn't know if she was going to keep it. And I just froze."
"Didn't know how to react to the situation huh?" Opie asked sagely.
"Yea. She kicked me out. Between Ima and the whole argument about the baby and whether or not she was keeping it, I didn't know how to react."
"Kind of how Tara felt when Cameron came barging in with a gun." Opie stated pointedly.
Jax's gaze shot up to Opie's. He opened his mouth to retort back, but before he could the truth of Opie's words began to sink in.
"I'm an idiot." He said finally, pulling himself to his feet, taking one last drag of his smoke before tossing it aside. He pulled his helmet back on as he made his way over to his bike.
Without another word, Jax was back on his bike and making the trip back to St. Thomas's.
Jax's step slowed as he got closer to Tara's room. He heard the low female voices of his mother and girlfriend as they talked. Jax shoved his hands into the deep pocket of his jeans as he completed the lat few steps that brought him to the door. Jax leaned against the frame watching Tara with Abel as she continued the conversation with Gemma.
Tara looked up and saw Jax standing in the doorway, hands deep in his pockets, looking guilty. Jax gave her a quick shrug just before his mother turned around. Gemma leaned over and took Abel from Tara.
"I'm gonna see about getting my grandson a bottle." She said. Gemma walked passed Jax, stopping to give him a kiss on the cheek. "Do good baby." She said quietly, walking on passed.
Jax turned and closed the door behind his mother and moved deeper into the room.
"I'm sorry." He said. "I'm an idiot." He continued simply. No other words mattered. He may have thought his reasons for pushing her away were valid, that he was trying to protect her, but after what happened, he couldn't have been more wrong. "I should never have said you weren't part of my family. You are my family." He said moving forward and kneeling next to her bed. "I thought if I could push you away, make you leave, leave me, leave this life, that you would be safe. After Donna and Sack, I just wanted to keep you safe." Jax leaned forward and took Tara's hand in his. "I meant what I said about only seeing your face. I meant it, but I should never have said it. I should have let you leave when you had the chance, get out of here before something happens that can't be undone. But it's too late now. You're inside me. I'm not strong enough to let you go."
Tara squeezed Jax's hand, pulling on it until he stood up. She reached her hand up to stroke his face, reaching the collar of his cut and using it to pull him down so their lips could meet. Jax leaned close, his head resting against hers as he pressed a kiss against her cheek.
"I know you were trying to make me leave you. To do the one thing I couldn't forgive you for." She began as Jax pulled back so their eyes could meet. "Jax I know what you are. I knew that ten years ago. It may have scared me away then, but when we got back into this thing, I knew what I was getting myself into. I'm here to stay, with you. Everything that comes with you, I'm ready for it."
Jax nodded, leaning forward again and kissed Tara. When he pulled back, Tara ran her fingers through his hair, playing with the blonde strands. They sat there together for a few minutes, neither saying a word, just reaffirming their position with the other.
Jax moved to sit on the edge of the bed, his eyes going to the monitor that kept track of the baby's heartbeat. His gaze moved down to Tara's stomach and he moved his hand to rest possessively over the tiny bump that was beginning to form. Tara watched the flash of emotions cross his face. The pride and a bit of nervousness that moved passed.
"They didn't rape me." Tara said quietly, thinking back to their argument early. Her mind went back to Gemma's words a few weeks ago when she spoke about how her own rape would change her relationship with Clay. Tara knew Jax was different. Knew he would never hold something that was out of her control against her, but she couldn't let him think such a terrible thing had happened to her.
"It doesn't matter." Jax inserted quickly, his eyes turning to Tara's face, trying to reassure her. He moved his hand from her stomach and clasped his hands together in front of him.
"They tried." She continued, holding up a hand. "They held Margaret and I for over a day. But I was out for most of it. They waited for me to wake up on my own, so I wouldn't be groggy. By that time the guys were already looking for me. They got there in time."
"The bruises." Jax said quietly, his gaze dropping to the sheet that covered Tara's lower body.
"It was close." She said softly.
"It wouldn't change anything for me if they did." Jax responded sincerely. "I'm just glad that you didn't have to suffer through that." Jax said, clasping her hand in his. "I love you." He said seriously, looking deep into her eyes.
"I love you too." Tara replied, tipping her face to receive his kiss.
Jax and Tara spent some more time alone, before Jax popped his head out of the room to let the guys know they could come in for a visit.
Opie, Juice, Kozik, and Tig who had just returned from the cabin entered the room. Tig shook the Teddy bear he held in his hand and laid it on Tara's table.
"How you feeling sweetheart?" He asked leaning over to kiss Tara's cheek.
"I'm doing well." Tara answered, exchanging a smile with Jax.
A moment later, Gemma slipped into the room with baby Abel, moving over to hand the baby to his father. Jax took Abel in his arms and moved to sit next to Tara in the bed. He scooted up next to her so he could wrap one arm around her while she took Abel in her arms.
With the most pressing issues out of the way, the group was able to sit down and catch up. The frequent flyers filled Tig, Tara, and Kozik in on their trip, as well as the reasoning behind leaving Clay and the others behind for the time being.
When Dr. Nameed and Dr. Russell, the surgeon on Tara's case, entered the room they weren't surprised to find it full of bikers.
"Would it be worth the breath to ask for a moment to speak to our patient alone?" Dr. Russell asked.
Tig, Juice, Opie, and Kozik stood up with murmured farewells, deciding to go back to the clubhouse now that they knew things between Jax and Tara were good and that she was feeling better. Gemma hesitated a moment, before shooting a look at the doctors for their audacity of asking for her removal from the room, before walking passed to wait outside.
Jax's only response to the doctors was to settle more comfortably on the bed and squeeze Tara reassuringly.
"How are you feeling today Dr. Knowles?" Dr. Russell asked coming forward to check Tara's chart.
"Pretty good. Still some pain, but nothing more then expected." She answered.
"That's very good." Dr. Russell answered, making some notes in the chart. He pulled out his stethoscope and leaned forward to listen to Tara's heart and lung sounds. "Everything sounds good here. Good rate and rhythm, no fluid in the lungs, equal breath sounds." He rattled off quickly. He gestured for Jax to move out of the way. "I just want to check your back." He continued. Tara kept Abel in her arms as Jax kneeled in front of her on the bed to help keep her upright while Dr. Russell checked the stab wound on her back. When he was finished, Tara sat back with a sigh of relief. The doctor completed the rest of the exam quickly, lightly palpating Tara's ribs to see how they were healing. He finished by leaning forward with a penlight to check Tara's pupils.
"You're healing up very well." He said making more notes in the charts. "I assume you have someone to help you out at home?" He asked, his gaze moving to Jax.
"Yes." Tara said. "I'll have plenty of help."
"Good. Honestly Tara, I don't see a need to keep you admitted any longer. I want to run one last scan to check the internal bleeding, but if that's clear I don't see any reason that we can't release you. You're a medical professional, you know your limits, you know the signs of infection, we'll just keep you antibiotics for a few more days to prevent infection and switch you to oral pain meds."
"Thank you." Tara said sincerely, looking forward to going home to her own bed.
"The bandage on her back will need to be changed twice daily, and her ribs will need to be rewrapped every other day." Dr. Russell said looking to Jax.
"Done." Jax agreed quickly.
"Good." He leaned forward and shook Tara's and then Jax's hands. "Get well soon Dr. Knowles. I look forward to seeing you around again soon, as a doctor, not a patient."
Tara smiled her thanks to Dr. Russell and said goodbye as he left the room. Dr. Nameed waited as Dr. Russell left before picking up Tara's chart again. He noted the print out of Tara's increased heart rate and blood pressure from earlier in the day.
"I agree with Dr. Russell. You are stable Tara, the baby appears to be thriving. All I ask is that you rest." He said shooting a look at Jax. "Your body has been under a lot of stress. Rest and relaxation. Don't push yourself too much, try to be in as calm of an environment as possible." He continued, throwing another look at Jax as he spoke the last part.
Jax and Tara agreed and Tara sent an amused look in Jax's direction.
Dr. Nameed left with their promise to make an appointment with the obstetrician in three days before saying his goodbyes.
"I don't think he likes me very much." Jax said, taking the sleeping Abel from Tara.
"He's just watching out for me." Tara replied smiling.
A few minutes after Dr. Nameed left, Gemma returned to the room.
"So what's the verdict?" She asked, taking the chair next to the bed.
"We're busting out of here." Jax said happily.
"Good." Gemma replied. "It's about time we get this family home where they belong."
Author's Note: You guys are amazing! Thank you so much for all of the reviews! As an extra special thank I hope you guys enjoyed the early update. Sadly all we have left is the epilogue, but make sure to check the author's note there. Thank you again for all the reviews. And yay for the finale in a few hours! Well, yay and nay. Yay because it looks awesome, nay because I'm totally not ready for the season to end. I'm looking forward to hear everyone's takes on the finale as well.