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Chapter 11

Bella P.O.V

I managed to successfully avoid seeing Edward all the following morning. The thought of having to see his face, scared the crap out of me, not that I didn't want to see it of course, it would just made it that much harder if I did. I had never been great at lying, and I was convinced he would be able to see my feelings for him if he saw me. That was the last thing I wanted. I didn't want to have feelings for anyone right now, least of all someone who I was going to be living with for the remainder of high school at the minimum.

Of course I knew I couldn't completely avoid him forever, but I just needed a little time to force myself to stop liking him quite so much. Besides it was just a crush, probably because he had been so nice to me, he had seen me at my weakest more than any of the others, it would simply go away. It had to go away, because right now, I couldn't cope with one more thing to feel guilty over. And that was what it came down to, feeling guilty for liking someone who was clearly so far out of my league.

All the Cullen's were beautiful, stand me at the side of them, and I was plain Jane. I was bland. Always had been, definitely always would be. Whilst Esme was ageing beautifully, no wrinkles or grey hairs in sight, Alice and her pixie like features and Rose with her classical beautiful looks, I was just simple. There was nothing special about my looks. Compared to them, I wasn't even a blip on the radar screen of beauty.

So here I was, lying on the bed, re-reading Wuthering Heights for what was probably the 100th time, in my bid to stay away from Edward. I had, had breakfast early, avoiding all but Alice, Jasper and Esme, before quickly going back into hiding in my room. Even being just across the hall from him, felt too close right now. Every little noise I heard I found myself wondering what it was he was doing, or what music he was listening to.

"So... Bella". Alice bounded into my room, sitting herself at the end of my bed, watching me almost impatiently.

I looked at her expectantly, though I had a fair idea what it was she was wanting to say. I prayed however that I was wrong, but the gut feeling I had knew different. A small cheeky grin escaped her lips, a smile that you would expect a 5 year old to give before they admitted to doing something they shouldn't have.

"Are you going to come to this party tonight"? She blurted out quickly, almost as though she thought if she said it quick enough, I wouldn't catch what she was saying, and just agree.

"I really don't think so Alice. I don't really feel up to a party just yet, let alone having groups of strangers surrounding me". I admitted.

"Oh please, please Bella. I swear, we won't stay long. You need to get out of this house, it's driving me crazy knowing you've not left these walls for weeks, so I can't imagine what it's doing to you".

She was wrong, these walls were my safety net. I didn't really miss the outside world that much. At least in this house I could at least pretend for a little while. But out there, people looked at me in sympathy, throwing pitiful glances every few seconds. I was in my own little bubble here.

"Please Bella. It'll be good I swear. Plus it'll give you a chance to meet a few of your class mates. And that way you won't be the talk of school so much since most of them will have at least met you".

She did have a point there. I was dreading school starting up in a few weeks time. Of course the whole school would know I was the new girl, and my story would fly around like wild fire, well if it hadn't already. And just like every school, it was like Chinese whispers, as the gossip was passed along, it got more and more bogus.

Alice was giving me her best pout, and I could feel myself beginning to break. I bit my lower lip in contemplation. If I went to the party, I would be making Alice happy, meeting a few people who I would be going to school with, hopefully getting the rumours over and done with before school started. But if I didn't go to the party, Alice would be upset, probably decide to stay in with me instead, ruining her night, and I would only have to go through the whole meeting everyone on the first day of school, which was bad enough without that added pressure. Even if I wasn't completely happy about going, what was one more night of unhappiness right, I was already unhappy, there wouldn't really be much difference right.

Finally giving in, I nodded my head once, hearing Alice shriek loudly, then bouncing to her feet. Dashing toward my closet, and rifling through my few items of clothing. I still hadn't been to the station to pick up my belongings that were in the cruiser, but I just couldn't bear the thought of that yet.

"Oh Bella, you've got hardly anything to wear". Alice stated despairingly. "Oh wait, I've got you that dress". She added after a few beats.

"No, Alice. If I'm going, I'm going to be comfortable". I told her as sternly as I could possibly muster.

She looked at me for a moment, obviously deciding whether or not to fight me on it. After weighing her options, she nodded then turned back to my closet looking over her options. Honestly there was not much to choose from, and I could tell she was dying to demand I wear the dress she had picked out, or something out of hers or Rose' closets. She eventually pulled out my best pair of hip hugging jeans, before grabbing my hand and dashing toward her room.

As she dashed toward her closet, I went and sat on the edge of her bed, sinking deeply into the soft mattress. It was rather amusing seeing Alice riffling though her closet desperately looking for something for me. It was as though she thought if she took too long, I would back out. Which of course I was dying to do, but I really didn't want to upset her.

"Aha". She cried, then reappeared, laying down the pair of jeans and a cobalt blue vest top, on the bed. "I'll be right back". She told me before dashing out of the room.

Honestly what she had picked out, was simple, and though I knew it was nowhere near fancy enough for Alice's tastes, she seemed to know not to push it. A few minutes later, she reappeared with a black leather bomber jacket and a pair of black wedge boots, holding them up proudly.

"Alice, I can do the jacket, but the boots, you know I have clumsiness issues when my feet are flat on the floor".

"Bella, I promise you'll be fine, they aren't that high". She told me. "And they'll go so good with the rest of your outfit".

Again the pout came out, and within seconds she had won me over. Bouncing around in jubilation, before swiftly pushing me into the bathroom to shower so she could do my hair and make-up. Another part of the process that I was dreading. I had never been big on wearing make-up and had never really bothered with looks before, having had no reason. I was just hoping she wouldn't go over the top.

I took my time in the shower, trying to put off the inevitable. 3 times Alice had knocked on the door telling me to hurry up, that we were running out of time. It was only 3pm, we had another 4 hours until we had to be even thinking about leaving for the party. I was seriously regretting giving in so easily.

"Finally, I was beginning to think you had drowned in there". Alice stated when I reappeared from the bathroom, wrapped in the towelling robe that she had given me. "Right first we're going to give you a facial, then do your hair and finally your make-up".

"Whoa, whoa Alice. I agreed to go to the damn party, I never agreed to becoming Bella Barbie".

"Please Bella, I promise I won't do anything you don't like".

With a sigh, I sat in the chair in front of her vanity, and closed my eyes, not even wanting to know what she was doing. I knew anything she did do would be nice, and she wouldn't dream of doing something that didn't look good, but at this moment, the least of my worries was looking good. My worries were purely on getting through the night. And Edward.

Having feelings for Edward, was not good. Not only were the feelings a one way thing, but even if he did by some miracle reciprocate the feelings, there was nothing we could do. His parents were my official foster parents now, and though they seemed pretty cool with Alice and Jasper and Rosalie and Emmett dating, it didn't mean they would be ok with me and Edward.

Who was I kidding, there was no me and Edward. He was so far out of my league that nothing would ever happen. Not that it would anyway whether he was in my league or not. Damn I just had to shake these feelings off, it was simply a crush, a badly timed crush.

"And you're done". Alice suddenly told me.

I opened my eyes to find my make-up and hair had been done. My God, how long had I been thinking about me and Edward. It must have been well over 2 hours.

"Bella, I'm hurt. I can't believe you thought I wouldn't do a good job". Alice looked at me in the mirror.

Quickly realizing she thought the shocked look on my face was because of how I looked, I faked a smile at her and mumbled a quick sorry, though she didn't look at all bothered, as she pranced back to the bed and collect the clothes before pushing them into my arms and back into the bathroom. Upon exiting the room, Rosalie was sat on the bed talking to Alice. Both seemed to be dressed and ready to go.

"So the guys and Carlisle and Esme left an hour and half ago. The cab is due to pick us up in 15". Rose was saying.

"Why are we taking a cab"? I asked, as I entered the room fully.

"Damn Bells, you look hot". Rose whistled. "We're taking a cab, because the boys have taken Carlisle and Esme to the restaurant in Port Angeles".

I nodded simply as Rose and Alice continued talking, not even really taking in anything they were saying. My worries had quickly spun away from Edward back to the party. I really had no desire at all to go, and I was dreading being surrounded by people staring and whispering, because lets face it, it was inevitable. And no amount of Alice or Rose telling me they were going to be with me, would help that.

I could have a 100 bodyguards surrounding me, but people would still talk. They would still try and feel sorry for me, or wonder why I was out partying when I had only just lost my Dad. I knew I shouldn't be going, but damn if I could stop Alice now, from dragging me into that cab.

As promised 15 minutes later the cab had arrived, Alice leading the way excitedly into the back seat. Rose had told me that mostly they all kept to themselves at school, but since Ben Cheney was on the football team, the guys kind of felt as though they had to go, and basically wherever Emmett and Jasper were, herself and Alice were never far behind. Especially at parties, where a few of the cheerleaders thought that if Alice and Rose weren't around, it meant they could feel free to hit on their boyfriends.

"Whenever you're ready to leave Bella, we will". Rose whispered in my ear as we followed Alice into the back of the cab.

The drive was silent, and with every second, dread began to fill my mind. Back in Phoenix I had never gone to any of the parties, what was the point. I only had the one friend to hang out with, and she had turned out to be a traitor, so there had been no point. I would have only stood there against the wall, trying to be invisible. But then again, at least with parties back in Phoenix, I would have succeeded. There was no-way I could become invisible here. For 1 I was about to walk in with the 2 most beautiful people I had ever met, and 2 I was new to town, the deceased Chief of Police's daughter, who was living with a strange family who pretty much everyone envied.

As we walked into the house, the loud booming music hit me full force. The house was already jam packed full of people, most grinding against each other to the music, or chugging beer in groups. There was a card game of sorts happening at the dining room table and a few people stood around watching. Alice and Rosalie lead me toward what I guessed was the living room. They were both clearly looking out for Jasper and Emmett.

I felt as hough everyone around me was staring at, wondering. A few whispered to each other, and I was sure I saw one point. Thankfully thought, an argument of sorts from the kitchen dragged the pairs of eyes from me, and I immediately hid myself behind Rose and Alice hoping I could hide.

I saw Rose nudge Alice's shoulder then tilt her head toward the corner of the room. Alice immediately looked up and rolled her eyes. Following where Rose had gestured to, I looked over to see Edward stood against the wall, a curvaceous blond making out with him. Immediately I felt as though someone had punched me in the gut, but I couldn't look away. By the time I had managed to tear my eyes away, both Alice and Rose had disappeared.

I backed out of the room, unable to stomach seeing any more, already feeling as though my heart had been stomped on. With the intention of trying to find Rose and Alice, I wandered through the crowds, trying hard to stop any tears from welling up. I had no right to be upset, Edward was a free man, who knew nothing of my feelings for him.

"Tyler, I told you to invite a few people, not the whole school. You know my parents will kick my ass if the police get called". I heard a voice complain as 2 young boys walked down the stairs.

"Ben, man chill. It;s not like Chief Swans around any more, he was the only pain in the ass at the police department".

Hearing my Dad's name, I felt myself beginning to crumble. I didn't want to hear any more of their conversation, knowing they were talking about my Dad. I harshly pushed my way through bodies, needing to find a way out of here. I got as far as the kitchen, finding on a few people in here. There were still too many so I barged my way toward the door, escaping into the cool night air.

"Hey, you're Bella right, Chief Swan's daughter". A voice asked suddenly.

I turned my head toward the voice, seeing a short, slim guy with blonde hair and blue eyes making his way toward me. He had a baby face, and crooked yellow teeth, but his smile seemed friendly enough. I nodded once in reply, turning back way to stare out into the garden.

"I'm sorry about your Dad. He was a great guy".

"Thanks". I mumbled, feeling tears well heavily in my eyes.

"Oh God, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you". He said panicked upon seeing my tears.

"No, it's fine, honestly". I replied, biting my lip and trying to blink away my tears. "It's nothing you did honest". I told him after I noticed him hesitating.

"Do you want a drink and maybe talk about it"? He asked after a few beats.

"Talk about it, not really, but a drink would be great". I answered, seeing him smile, then tell me he would be right back.

He reappeared a few minutes later with a bottle of vodka, 2 shot glasses and 2 bottles of beer. When I had agreed to a drink, I honestly had expected a soda of some sort. There surely wasn't anyone in that room old enough for alcohol. At that moment I sounded so much like the Chief of Police's daughter it was untrue. I was the typical policeman's Daughter, not drinking until legally old enough, never breaking the speed limit, always abiding by the traffic laws, and well any law really.

"They ran out of soda a while ago, and I figured you could do with the hard stuff. I know I could have used it when I lost my Dad a few years ago". He told me. "I'm Mike by the way". He added.

The moment he mentioned that he too had lost his Dad a few years ago, albeit most likely in completely different circumstances, I suddenly felt relived that there was someone who had some what of an idea how I felt. I strangely felt less alone, knowing I now knew someone who I could relate to slightly.

"Sorry about your Dad". I mumbled.

"Sorry about yours too".

He offered me the bottle of beer, after having popped the cap open. Shrugging I accepted the bottle and took a swig. It tasted horrible, but at the same time the bitterness seemed fitting for my mood. The slight burn of the alcohol in my system warmed me up in the night air.

"So what's it like living with the Cullen's"? Mike asked, sitting down the porch step, gesturing me to join him. "Must be weird huh"?

"It's ok, they're really nice". I offered, taking another gulp of beer.

Mike continued talking to me about nothingness really. I actually appreciated the fact he never seemed to push me for information. We each had finished our beer and had moved onto the bottle of vodka. I had felt the slight buzz from the beer alone, but after the first few shots of vodka, thoughts of my Dad faded into the background and I actually felt myself smiling along with Mike's laughter as he told stories about our fellow students.

For the first time since the accident, I didn't feel weighed down with guilt, and it was a relief that I could actually just forget about everything except what was happening in the moment. Of course I never wanted to forget my Dad, but for now, it was nice to have the feelings of blame taken away from me. I eagerly gulped down the following few shots that Mike offered, then managed to stumble to my feet before wandering over to the freshly cut lawn and laying down in the middle, staring up into the cloudy night sky.

How fitting it seemed that since my arrival in Forks, the clouds had never left the sky. Back in Phoenix where everything hadn't been good, granted, but it had been better than now, the sky always seemed cloudless, the stars shining brightly in the night sky. Just like my Dad, the starry nights had disappeared.

I closed my eyes, hoping that if I wished hard enough once I opened them, I would be back in Phoenix and everything would be back to normal. My Dad would still be alive, and I could go back to being my normal self, unhappy, but no where near as unhappy as now.

It didn't happen though, as soon as my eyes closed, a swirling motion took over me, and I felt as though my world was spinning. At first, I thought it was magic and it was taking me back, just like I wished. But upon opening my eyes, I found I was still back in dreary Forks, the grey clouds blocking the night sky, though I still had my buzz going, albeit with a slight spinning motion.

Mike had moved next to me, though he was on his feet, holding the almost empty bottle of vodka. I reached up and took it from his grasp, sitting up and swigging the rest of it down. The warmth burnt the back of my throat, but I didn't care, I just never wanted the feeling of freedom to leave me.

I heard Mike chuckle, then tell me he was going to get us some more. I eagerly agreed. After a few moments of silence, I closed my eyes again, feeling the spinning get worse, though this time, when I opened my eyes, it remained, my world spinning madly making me feel nauseated. Maybe I had drunk too much, but other than the spinning it was fabulous, my thoughts were pure mush and I felt free.

"Bella"? A very familiar voice called out. "Oh my God, Bella are you ok"? There was a frantic edge to the voice.

I lifted one arm and waved happily. I knew the voice, I just couldn't think of the name that related to that person. They kept saying my name over and over, almost as though they were trying to remind me of my own name. My thoughts may have been mush, but I hadn't had nearly enough to forget who I was just yet. Maybe another bottle later it could be a problem, but currently I knew who I was at the very least.

"Bella"? There was that frantic voice again, but I couldn't lift my head to see the face of the person calling my name, instead my eyes slowly became heavy, and slid closed.

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