CH.10 Check Mate

I last saw Jake 3 days ago, when we attempted to watch a movie, one phone call and three text. That is the extent of my relationship at this point. I have had the same dream of Jake disappearing every night, but the white wolf only appeared that one time, maybe I should buy a dream interpretation book. I thought.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and Charlie and I are going over to celebrate with Jake and Billy. I do not feel much like celebrating anything.

I have already baked all the pies, and finished everything that could be made ahead of time.

I have been digging through the kitchen cabinets for an hour and cannot find the roasting pan.

"Dad" "Dad" I swear he hears nothing except what is being broadcast on ESPN. " DAD!"

"Yea Bells" "Dad have you seen the big roasting pan? I need it for the ham tomorrow"

"What's it look like?" "I don't know it's a big roasting pan, it's the pan I made the turkey in for Thanksgiving" "Did we take it over to Billy's?" Yea, I put it by the box with the other pans we took there for you to bring home." "Was it in the box? " "No, it was beside it"

"Then it's probably still there" he told me.

Just great, I thought. "Can you wait till we get there tomorrow?" "Sure, if you want to eat at midnight" I told him. "Oh" he said.

"I'll call Jake and see if he can bring it over or I'll just go get it." I told him. "Ok, Bells" he said walking back to the TV. , lord forbid he miss anymore of the game, the ham be damned.

Ring, Ring, Ring

This is Jake; you know what to do…

Jake, Charlie left a pan at your house on Thanksgiving and I need it to bake the ham.

Can you bring it to me, or I can come get it. But I need it today so I can have everything ready to take to your house tomorrow. Please call me back. I love you. Bye

I went upstairs to wrap the gifts for the pack, I figure if I have to drive out to get the pan, I can take the gifts with me and it will be one less thing to worry about tomorrow. An hour later and I had a small box full of gifts that looked like they had been wrapped by kindergarteners. Well I had already discovered crafts were not my thing.

I checked my phone, no missed calls and no text. I will give it another hour before I head out. I thought. I occupied myself with laundry. Who said being all alone couldn't be fun.

Going downstairs with the gifts, I put the box on the table and went to tell Charlie I was leaving.

"Hey Dad, I'm going to drive to La Push to get the pan. Ok" "Alright be careful, let me know if you decide to stay late. " "sure, sure"

I loaded the box into my truck, thankful it was not heavy, and started my beloved rust bucket up.

It made a funny noise, but started without any problem, maybe she's cold I thought.

The drive to La Push was so familiar; I think my old truck could make it without my help.

That thought made me smile.

As soon as I passed, the welcome sign letting me know I entered La Push, my truck made a gurgling sound like it was dieing, and one mile later, that is exactly what it did.

I was only about ¼ mile from Jake's house, so I decided to walk the rest of the way; the box was not heavy so it will not be hard to carry.

I started walking and discovered the box helped my balance. Who knew? I laughed to myself.

The closer I got to Jakes I could see Sam and Emily's car and I think the old truck belonged to Paul. I got a little nervous thinking maybe I was about to interrupt a pack meeting.

I could hear several voices inside, it sounded like the whole pack was here.

I was at the edge of the yard, and could see that both the wood door and screen door were propped open, I guess with their temperatures and such a tiny space, it probably felt like a sauna.

Who needs to go to a spa, when you can invite a few wolves over?

I managed to walk up the steps still holding the box, with out falling. I was feeling good about myself, not only had I walked with no falls but I managed to climb stairs with no spills all while carrying a box. Yay me.

I stepped into the door way ready to see the whole pack, but nothing in my life, not the pain from Edward leaving, not the catatonic state I was in , not the months Jacob slowly pieced me together, not even knowing Victoria was hunting me could have prepared me for the sight that I was greeted with.

Most of the pack was gathered, Kim on the couch with Jared on the floor in between her legs, Quil next to him. Leah and Seth on chairs from the kitchen, Sam standing along the kitchen wall with Emily, and Jake, my boyfriend, my savior, my best friend, my Jacob sitting on the other end of the couch holding my other best friend Angela in his lap, nuzzling her neck with his arms wrapped around her.

I stood there frozen unable to move, unable to run, I could not even speak. I just stood there.

I felt my heart break; every tattered piece that had been glued and put back into place came apart at the seams. My breath became stale and tasted of betrayal. I could feel my shoulders sag, and feel the emptiness return to my eyes. The peachy glow of my skin faded into the pale cold that held captive loneliness and loss.

No tears could fall, because I had already shed more than my body could spare.

Minutes ticked by even with my human ears, I could hear the hands of the clock, a cruel reminder that time will go on even if I feel like I cannot.

No one had spoken, the silence hanging in the air like a thick blanket.

I finally chanced a look around the room, Seth had his head in his hands Quil looked shamed, Leah looked smug, and Jared just held a face of indifference. Kim looked as though she felt sorry for me, but not sure why because we did not know each other well enough.

Sam looked stoic, and Emily looked panicked. Paul was the only one missing so I guess he was on patrol .Still no words had been spoken. I do not think I was capable of speech.

Finally the silent stand off was complete. "Bella, why don't you sit down" Emily said in a whispered voice. I allowed her to help me into a chair. Part of me wishes I could run from the room, but I did not have the strength that it would take. Emily came back gently handing me a cup of hot tea, which I started sipping, trying to find my voice. My head was spinning and my mind was consumed with all the whys and how's but too jumbled to come out coherently.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Angela slip off Jake's lap and sit next to him, but he still held her close with one arm around her, reminding me so much of how we used to sit together.

"Bella this isn't what it looks like" Jake said to me. Something inside me snapped, and all I could see was red. "Oh thank god… because for a second there it looked like you were cheating on me with my best friend. " I snarled at him. I was not sure how long the anger would last before the sadness and despair took over, but I was going to use it for however long I had it.

"Bella. Please…. It's not what you think well not really." Jake said, his eyes pleading and his tone soothing. "Then tell me Jake, what is it?" I said my voice barely above a whisper and laced in sadness dripping with venom.

"I imprinted on Angela," he said almost apologetically. I let his words sink in trying to make sense of them. "I don't understand. What is imprinting?" I asked.

I had barely gotten the question out before the loudest growl I have ever heard ripped through the room. I frantically searched for the owner, my eyes landed on Leah who had jumped out of her chair so fast it toppled over , staring murderously at Sam and Emily, her form vibrating. Leah stomped through the room, and out the door sparing me a quick glance that almost held understanding. The noise must have alerted Billy, because he came rolling down the hallway in his chair, taking in the scene in front of him.

Emily drew the short straw and began explaining. "Bella, wolves find their soul mate through imprinting. It happens the first time they look into the eyes of the person they are to imprint on; all of a sudden, nothing else matters but that person. All the things that tie them to the world are severed, family, friends and current loves. All these strings reattach to the imprintee making them the only thing that matters. A wolf would be anything for their imprint, a brother, a friend, a lover. It is the spirits way of finding the wolfs perfect match, the other part of their soul. Together the imprinted pair will love and be happy and create children who will become stronger wolves.

The pull that both feel is too strong to fight, the wolf and the imprint can become ill if they are not together.

I sat stunned, I felt like I was on an emotional rollercoaster. There were so many thoughts swimming in my head, I was having a hard time trying to sort them out enough to speak.

"YOU knew this would happen." I said looking at Jake. "No, it's supposed to be rare" he said, like that made it all better. "But you knew it was a possibility.. Didn't you?"

"Yes" he said in a hushed voice. "Why didn't you tell me? How is it that no one mentioned this in the year that I've known you were all wolves?"

" I knew it would scare you, that you wouldn't want to be with me if you knew about imprinting"

Jake said looking at me. "How?" I asked.

"As Beta of the pack I gave a Command that prevented imprinting from being mentioned when you were around." Jake said looking at his feet.

"The ONE thing that I was most scared of Jake, was being left again. You knew that, and you used it against me to do exactly that. You lied to me the entire time."

"When did it happen?" I asked. "When me, Quil and Seth met you and Angela at the movies," Jake told me. "When did Angela find out?" I knew the answer to this question was probably going to send me over the edge. "It's not important," Jake said. "WHEN?"

" Jake came to me, after they got back from the movies, I gave an Alpha order for no one to tell you until Jake could do it himself, he invited Angela over that night and Emily and I explained everything to her." Sam said.

"Why didn't you tell me Jake?" "At first I didn't know how, and then I thought it would be better if we could find Victoria before I told you," he said. "Did you really think that would make this better? I think you were being a coward," I yelled.

"Bella, please you don't understand. The pull is too strong." Emily said.

The anger was back, I could feel it seep into my bones.

"Oh I think I understand perfectly," I snapped. "Let's see if I got everything"

Jake knew the one and only thing that I feared was being left behind. Therefore, he kept the fact that it was a very good possibility of him one day seeing some stranger and leaving me, no questions asked a secret. "Did I get that one right?" I asked no one unparticular."

He also made sure no one else could tell me either. "How is my understanding so far?"

When that very thing happened, instead of telling me, he cheated on me and lied. "How about that one, did I get that one too?"

Again, he made sure no one was able to tell me the truth by using his Beta status to command silence. "Have I gotten anything wrong yet?"

When I had lunch with you Emily and told you, I was worried and talked about the guilt I felt for Jake having to patrol so much. You told me everything would be ok, not to worry. When you knew exactly what was going on. I had already lost. "Did I misunderstand you?"

Angela when you wrapped your arms around me in the bathroom at school and let me cry on your shoulder, and told me everything would work out. When you knew he was cheating and lying, but never said a word. My best friend comforted me, while she was screwing my boy friend behind my back. "Did I also misunderstand that?"

Billy, my second father lying to me about where Jake was. Knowing I no longer mattered to him, but deciding I did not deserve to know the truth. "Did I get that correct?"

If Jake had come to me and explained, even if he did not tell me about imprinting but said he would be happier with Angela I would have stepped aside. His happiness would have mattered more to me than my own broken heart. And everyone in here knows that, even those that never liked me.

"So tell me Emily, what exactly have I not understood?"

"I never had a chance, did I? No matter how hard I tried, no matter what I did, I was never going to be a part of this, was I? Imprint or not, you were never going to let me in."

The room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. I felt the rush of adrenaline leave my body, sadness, and despair settle heavy onto me.

I turned to walk out the door, I could feel myself starting to crumble and I did not want to let them see it. I had just reached the door when I heard Billy say my name so I turned to look at the man I once considered family. "Bella, I love you like a daughter, please know that." he said.

"I don't think I can survive with any more love from the Black Men," I told him.

"Bella, we will protect you from Victoria," Sam told me.

What was that the consolation prize? I wondered to myself.

"No"

Looking at everyone in the room, landing on Paul at the doorway I guess he had come back sometime during all of this.

"You were made to protect your tribe, your family. And clearly I am neither, after all I'm just the pale face, leach loving bitch… remember?" I started making my way to the door when Jake spoke up.

"Bella, please don't do this. Victoria will find you.," he said pleadingly.

I looked into his eyes.

"You're right she will find me, and when she does she will be the only one who ever kept her promise." I could tell he felt my words because he looked like I slapped him.

Good I thought.

I finally made it to the door and was about to walk out when Quil grabbed my arm.

"Bella, I really am sorry" I took my hand and cupped his cheek "Quil you forget your not the only monsters who have tried to kill me, you're just the ones who made it hurt."

I took one last glance at the room and stopped on Sam "You should have left me in the woods."

With that, I walked out of Jacob Blacks house and his life.