A/N Hello! I'm soooo sorry, about the long wait!
I was busy learning for my finals, and I had surgery. But the surgery wasn't done well, so I probably have to go to the hospital again for another surgery... :'(
But Oh, well! :) Yesterday I found out that I passed my exams, and that I'm officially graduated from high school! :)
I hope to have the next chapter done sooner.
Thank you for baring with me!
Thanks for my BETA-reader datura070 for BETA-ing this story! :)
Disclaimer: I don't own this show... -.-"(well duhh... xD)
The next morning when Tim woke up he noticed that Tony wasn't lying next to him anymore.
He quickly felt the panic rising.
Was Tony finally done with him? Was he finally so tired of helping him that he just took off and left?
But he quickly tried to suppress the feeling of panic, and tried to think rationally.
Maybe Tony had woken up before him and because he didn't want to wake him up, he had gone downstairs.
Tim got out of bed and went to the living room so he could see if he was right.
Relief washed over him when he saw Tony sitting on the couch in the living room with a laptop on his lap.
"Good morning," Tim said.
Tony looked up at him from his laptop and gave Tim a smile.
"Hi," Tony replied.
"How long have you been up?" Tim asked.
"An hour, I think. I didn't want to wake you up, because you looked like you were finally having a peaceful sleep."
Tim blushed a little when he thought back to last night. When he had woken up from a nightmare he'd found himself lying against Tony. Only after a lot of reassurances from Tony that he didn't mind Tim lying against him, he'd gone back to sleep again.
Tim nodded at Tony, thinking that it was nice of him to let him sleep a little longer.
"Where's Gibbs?" he asked, noticing that Gibbs wasn't there.
"He went to NCIS. He's trying to find that last suspect," Tony replied.
Tim nodded and sat down on the couch next to Tony. When he looked at the laptop on Tony's lap, he saw that Tony was on a website that said: 'Christian Wiedemann: Psychiatrist'.
Immediately knowing why Tony was on that website he felt the panic start again. He knew that he'd agreed to go at least once, but that didn't mean that he liked it.
He quickly tried to calm himself down, not wanting Tony to see him panicking.
He looked up at Tony and saw him still looking at the laptop screen. Luckily, he hadn't seen Tim's little panic.
"You know…" Tony started suddenly, "I was searching for psychiatrists here in the neighborhood. I found this Dr. Wiedemann. It says here on the website that the psychiatrist has helped a lot of people who were also… uhh… going through the same stuff as you. He just moved from Sacramento. So, I… uhm… I thought that we could go to him."
Tim stayed quiet, not knowing how to reply to that.
"If you want to, of course. If you want someone else, we won't go," he added quickly.
Tim, again, didn't say anything.
He just really didn't want to go.
"I thought… maybe we could go after breakfast?" Tony interrupted his thoughts.
"Okay, with you?"
Tim wanted to yell no. He wanted to beg, scream and yell at Tony and tell him that he didn´t want to go to a psychiatrist. That he didn´t want to talk about what happened. That he didn´t want to leave Gibbs' house, that made him feel so safe. And above all, that he didn´t want to keep remembering what happened.
He just wanted to forget about everything and just get on with his old life.
But, he couldn't. He´d promised Tony. He couldn't let him down, not now. After all he'd done for him.
So he didn't say anything. He just looked at Tony and merely nodded.
He just wanted to slap himself. Why couldn´t he just be honest with Tony? Tony had told him that if he wanted to talk that he could always come to him.
But he couldn't. The urge to want to please Tony, so he wouldn't get mad at him, was bigger than his trust in Tony.
He felt sad that he just couldn't trust his best friend as much as he wanted to.
But he just couldn't.
Nick had also been his best friend.
Nick and he had been inseparable, when they were young. He'd trusted Nick with everything. Nick had known everything about him. About his problems with his dad. About the bullies at school. Nick had known everything. He would've never thought that Nick would want to hurt him. Even after ithappened, he still didn't think that Nick would be that mad, and would want to hurt him so bad.
Nick had betrayed his trust and violated him so horribly. He didn't know if he could ever trust someone like he'd trusted Nick.
He knew that Tony would never do something bad to him. Tony was helping him.
He looked up to Tony. He didn't feel comfortable around anyone but Tony. He saw Tony as his big brother.
But still…
Somewhere in his mind he felt that he couldn't put all of his trust in Tony.
He felt that if he trusted Tony for a hundred percent it could have devastating results for him. Because if Tony did eventually hurt him, or leave him because he got tired of taking care of him, he wouldn't be hurt so bad as with Nick. Because he would've seen it coming.
That's why he couldn't trust Tony completely.
It was to protect himself. To keep himself from being hurt.
"Tim?"
Tim suddenly was pulled out of his thoughts. He looked up at Tony.
He must've been so caught up in his thoughts that he hadn't notice Tony looking at him with a very concerned look on his face.
"You sure you're okay with going after breakfast? You still look tired. Get a couple more hours of sleep. We'll go after you wake up."
"No, I'm okay," Tim said, trying to sound normal, but failing miserably with the lump forming his throat.
"You sure?"
"Yeah, … I'm sure."
"Okay," Tony said, not looking very convinced.
"I'll go and see if Gibbs has anything besides coffee in his kitchen, so we can eat," Tony said, walking away to the kitchen.
Tim stayed sitting on the couch, watching Tony walk away.
He really didn't want to go.
xXxXxXxXxXx
After eating breakfast and showering they went to the psychiatrist.
They were now standing in front of the building.
"Well, this is it. C'mon let's go inside," Tony said, starting to walk towards the entrance.
Tim felt like he was frozen in place. He couldn't move. His feet seemed glued to the ground.
"Tim. C'mon. You can do this," Tony said, noticing that Tim wasn't following him.
"I'll be there with you."
Despite the comforting words, Tim was still frozen in his spot.
He was still too scared to move.
Tony looked at Tim and saw that Tim wasn't going to move anytime soon, so he stuck out his hand and grabbed Tim's and slowly started pulling Tim with him towards the entrance.
That made Tim finally start moving.
Neither of them commented on the fact that Tony had to hold Tim's hand to get him to walk into the building.
When they walked inside, they saw a woman sitting behind a desk. She looked in her mid to late fifty's. Her hair was a mix of gray and black hair. She had a friendly smile on her face when she saw them walking through the door
Suddenly Tim had an awkward feeling. The woman looked familiar.
He didn't know why, but he felt like he already knew her.
"Good morning," she greeted them, smiling.
"What can I do for you?"
When Tim's voice seemed to be failing him, Tony answered her.
"Good morning, we would like to set up an appointment for Timothy McGee."
"Okay," she said, starting to type on her computer, "If you'll just fill this information sheet out for me, I'll see what we can do."
Tony nodded, and led Tim over to the chairs in the waiting room. After filling the sheet out, they returned to the desk and handed the sheet back to the receptionist.
"Okay," she said, typing some more in her computer, "I can set up an appointment for you, tomorrow afternoon at two o'clock. Does that work for you?"
She looked at Tim.
Tim felt like he couldn't get his voice to work, so he just nodded again.
"Okay," she said, typing some more.
"Mr. Wiedemann is in his office right now. I'll call him to come here so you can meet each other, so you can be more comfortable in tomorrow's session. So you won't feel like you're talking to a total stranger."
She picked up a phone and pressed the intercom button.
While she was talking with the doctor Tim still had a weird feeling that he knew the woman.
Maybe he'd already met her somewhere?
His thoughts were interrupted when she started talking to them again.
"He'll be here in a minute," she said.
Tim looked at Tony, feeling really nervous.
Tony smiled reassuringly back at him and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.
Suddenly they heard a door open, behind them.
"Good morning Dr. Wiedemann," the woman smiled.
"Good morning Sarah, gentlemen," they heard Dr. Wiedemann say.
Tony smiled and turned around.
But Tim did anything but smile when he heard that voice. His eyes went wide in horror.
That voice. He knew that voice. He quickly turned around to look at the Dr.
When he saw him, all the blood drained from his face. He felt a shiver run through his body and his hand tightened around Tony's hand in horror.
Because he was looking at the smiling face of Nick.