You're still keeping all of us going.
Chapter: 11 Here comes the madness!
As they walked into the house closing the door to the outside world Molly felt overwhelmed, she loved their home, not just because Charles was there but to her it represented happiness and security and now their baby would be part of that too. Just by being there she almost felt she could start to relax and get on with the business of adjusting to life as a new Mum. Seeing all their familiar things again felt comforting somehow, this house with all its nooks and crannies had become her sanctuary since they'd bought it, they had worked hard over the years to restore it to its former glory, it was now a place of safety and a place she always dreamt of whenever she'd been away and needed a get a calmness in her nut. With an expectant look on his face, Charles asked her 'where do you want me to put our little bundle then, Molls?' Shrugging and quickly looking around, she answered 'I dunno! Maybe the lounge!' She suggested, unsure of where she should actually put her. Leaving their sleeping daughter in her car seat for now, he set her down by the sofa. Without words, Charles wrapped his arms around Molly so she could rest her back against his chest, leaning down to rest his chin in the crook of her neck they both just stood for a while staring at 'Luca', eventually Molly spoke 'this is mad init? I don't actually know what to do next!' Snorting out a gentle laugh he admitted 'me either! Just enjoy the peace I suppose until there's none!' Kissing her cheek he offered 'tea?' grabbing his arms as if to stop him leaving she whispered 'not yet, Just stay like this for a bit!' Happy to oblige his wife's request they did just that.
The peace didn't last long, 'Luca' needed feeding every 2-3 hours and was more than capable of letting her parents know when that time was, Molly was trying to get used to the different cries she made, Charles had brought the hospital bag in from the car to take upstairs, entering their bedroom he saw the basinet positioned next to Molly's side of the bed. 'Molls he shouted happily, looking up the stairwell to his smiling face she answered 'what's the smile for? Holding up a finger indicating she should wait, he bounded down the stairs 'we need to bring 'Luca' I've just discovered Mum and Dads surprise!' Lifting the baby seat with one hand and holding onto Molly with the other he gently guided his girls upstairs. Telling Molly to wait out for a moment, he set the baby seat on the bed before lifting 'Luca' into his arms as he called Molly into the room, 'Tad dah!' he said gesturing with his head towards the basinet. 'That's beautiful!' She exclaimed, Elizabeth had gone back to the house to dress the basinet with white broderie anglaise fabric and pink ribbons, adding a touch of the classic to a very lovely and practical gift. Inside the basinet was a parcel which was placed temporarily on the bed, reaching for the baby Molly laid her down inside, 'she looks tiny in there' Molly observed as Charles opened the parcel, 'maybe these will help' he suggested, inside the parcel were bumpers that attached to the rim and padded out the space. Standing back to admire everything, Molly had to agree it was a wonderful addition. Speaking to her Mum, Belinda later that evening she told her about the basinet before asking if she minded waiting a week until they travelled down, 'I just want to feel a bit more settled' she said, hearing the disappointment in Belinda's voice she continued 'Mum, don't get upset please, I just want it a few days with Charles and the baby! Say you understand.' Belinda agreed but only if Molly contacted her on face-time so she could at least see her she'd said.
The day after they got home they had their first visit from the midwife, although Molly had started to feel the exhaustion of interrupted sleep, she shared that feeding was going ok and reported that 'Luca' slept for fairly long periods during the day but the nights had become a completely different story. When it came time to weigh Lucinda (the midwife using her given name), Molly was distressed to hear that her weight had dropped from her birth weight of 6Ibs 9ozs to 6Ibs 3ozs, reeling from the news she looked directly at Charles for solace, her confidence felling battered and bruised she burst into tears 'have I done something wrong? Should I have given her formula as well' She asked through her tears and starting to think everyone would see her as a crap Mum. Charles was quick to sit next to her trying to reassure her, the midwife smiled kindly at her saying 'Molly, listen to me! Everything is fine. Its normal until you're milk comes in, you'll see, very quickly she'll gain it all back again!' Planning a 2nd visit the midwife left her direct mobile number as well as the number for the clinic in case she had any worries. Charles returned to the lounge after seeing the midwife out, he had a look of concern on his face as a touch of the stern-face made an appearance 'you are a brilliant Mum! You should be proud of how you're coping! I know I am! I don't want you thinking anything different to that! Ok! That said, he softened his tone 'Come on baby, its all still so new, for both of us but we'll get there. Don't worry!'
Day three of being at home had heralded massive changes, the sleep depravation had kicked in big time, and so had her milk; her breasts had become full and tender and the sight of them had made Charles gasp, commenting she could get a second job as a page 3 girl if she wanted was soon retracted when he saw the 'not amused' look on her face. As 'Luca's' tummy was still so tiny the constant feeding every 2-3 hours was a necessary evil, the time when she would be full enough to sleep through the night seemed an eternity away. One of the things Molly had bought had been a breast pump but it was hand held and took an age to get the technique right, wanting to help as much as he could Charles went out and purchased a turbo charged electric one as he described it, that way he had said 'we can split the night feeds between us! If that doesn't work I could always massage them for you!' ever hopeful of injecting some humor into her exhaustion. Molly used the new pump, surprised at how long it took to get a good flow, the bottles now stored safely in the fridge, Charles was true to his word; doing the 1:30am and 4:o'clock feeds for 2 nights allowing Molly to sleep, as Molly took over for the next two nights. It was working fine when during one of the milk pumping sessions her irritability got the better of her, her nipples were sore, trying to soothe them with her own breast milk hadn't worked, she was tearful and ended up throwing the pump across the room. Charles woke to all the commotion, looking around he checked "Luca' was sleeping before searching for Molly, finding her sitting on the floor of the kitchen in floods of tears. Bending down to sit beside her he just held her, this wasn't the time to ask what was wrong, he already knew she'd been hit with the baby blues, her reaction over the past couple of days to him needing to return to work in 8 days had sent her into a panic. 'How the hell am I supposed to cope?' she had questioned!His retort 'like you always do, brilliantly!' Had done nothing to allay her feelings of panic, even accusing him of helping her too much, that she would be back to square one without him. Her words had hurt him, as he'd tried to tell her they were in this together, suggesting a little help from either his Mum or her own she flipped. 'So you do think I can't manage then!' she said as she flounced out of the room.
Now sitting on the kitchen floor watching her sob he didn't know what to say, 'that bloody pumps not working!' she sniffed out, picking it up to see if it had broken, Charles took it from her hands to inspect it, making no comment 'could have been cos I chucked it!' She admitted, nodding at her he wrinkled his nose 'could be!' he uttered. 'Bed?' He said standing to pull her up they walked silently up the stairs back to bed. He would have to think of something else to get her confidence back, knowing Major Becks wife had gone through a similar experience he called his colleague, 'I'm after some advice Roger!' Explaining what Molly was going through he asked how he had handled it? Roger Beck had advised Charles to simply bide his time, 'the baby blues he'd said in my experience usually only lasted for a week, it's tough for our wives, their hormones are doing funny things as their bodies are getting used to not being pregnant any more! All we can do Charles is be there for them!' Feeling slightly better equipped to handle the tears and the mood swings, he would do as Roger suggested and bide his time.
He found Molly crying in their en-suite, 'anything I can do?' he asked gently, shaking her head she pushed the tears away with her fingers before weakly saying 'I'm all over the shop, all I want to do is cry! I'm doubting myself over everything!' She sobbed, shaking his head, and taking both of her hand in his, he stated lovingly 'I may have remind you of a few things! Molly you're one of the strongest people I know! You forget I've seen you work 36 hours straight and still do your job! I've seen you blown up in a landmine, and still do your job. You've only got to look at our little one to see what a good Mum you are! I said in our first wedding vows that when you forget to be brilliant, I would stick my combat six lace-holes up your very beautiful derriere to remind you to be brilliant. do I need to get them now?' Kissing the top of her head 'Tea?' he suggested,leaving her to mull over his words. Charles quietly approached the bedroom with her tea, stopping when he heard her speaking to someone; he just stood listening to Molly talking to "Luca" in the soft tone he recognized as the woman he loved, his Molly. The baby was gripping her Mummy's finger as Molly said 'hey baby girl, that's some squeeze you've got there! You gonna be a tough one like you're Mummy and Daddy are you? We've both had to be tough over the years, I can tell you! But we promise to never let you down bubs. You've got such a lovely Daddy 'Luca' you're so lucky, yes you are! He's the absolute best, and I love him so much, and I love you so much too! Stepping into the room with a lump in his throat, he knelt down beside his girls as he kissed 'Luca' on the forehead, aiming his words towards the baby he said 'So look who's awake then, have you been having a chat with you're lovely Mummy?' Then looking directly into Molly's eyes, he carried on. 'Your Daddy loves your Mummy so much! She makes everything in his world better! In fact, she makes everyone around her feel better just by being who she is! And you're Daddy couldn't begin to imagine what he would ever do without her! So when Mummy is a little bit unhappy, we need to make her feel good again, don't we, yes we do!' His gaze not faltering from Molly's she smiled a weakly at him, 'Sorry' she mouthed, leaning forward he kissed her as he took the baby from her arms and placed her in the basinet. 'Come here, no need to ever say sorry! It's just a part of the joys of parenthood. Another storm to get through but we will, together! And soon it will pass! Now give me a hug woman, I need to cuddle my wife!' In that moment Molly couldn't even remember what she was crying over.