Chapter 10- When You Hold Me
If someone had told Brittany that she would be nose to nose with a tanned brunette on her bed she would have told them they were crazy. And that was coming from her. Yet here she was, out of breath and about to have her eyes roll back in her head as the girl in front of her pressed her palm further against the small of her back. Their foreheads still touching and curtains of blonde and black keeping them in their own dream world.
Brittany glanced up and tried to engrain the moment in her memory forever. She wanted to count every eyelash and memorize every curve of the latina's face just incase she never got another chance to be this close to her again. Her entire body felt like it was on fire and there was a slight buzzing on the surface of her skin that reminded her of bumblebees in the spring. She even felt a slight stinging in her chest that seemed to pierce her lungs, forcing her to inhale sharply. Santana's eyes shot up at the sudden change, making contact with the blondes for the first time since their lips touched. Brittany swallowed the knot that was trying to form around her vocal cords and let the depth of the brown eyes before her swallow her whole. Normally, the deep brown was so dark it almost seemed to blend in with the girl's pupils, but tonite Brittany found herself staring at something completely different. A lighter auburn color was bursting throughout the darker shade, and the blonde could have sworn she saw a sliver or two of gold. It made Brittany's breath get lost within her chest again.
Santana was panting slightly, still recovering from the feeling of having the blondes lips against her own. Her nails dug slightly into the girl's back as she remembered the feeling and her lips tingled in its memory. Her heart was hammering so loud she couldn't even hear her own ragged breaths, all she could focus on was the hot air that pressed against her lips with every breath the blonde exhaled.
She felt like she was out of control. That in any moment she would burst with all the feelings coursing through her body. The more she thought about it, the quicker her breaths became and the tighter she gripped the blonde in front of her. She could feel her lips twitching as she licked them involuntarily, keeping her eyes focused on Brittany. She wanted to control herself, to tell herself to back up and take a breather but her body refused to even consider it. Willing herself to pull away she tried to lift her head slightly but failed miserably, her head felt too heavy. She could smell Brittany. Not her perfume, her. The intoxicating smell that she inhaled as they kissed, the smell that seemed to incinerate every airway in her chest. As she sat there, she could smell it again.
Brittany blinked slowly and Santana watched as the girl's tongue slipped out slightly before beckoning her bottom lip into her mouth where it was held slightly between teeth. Santana tried to stop herself. But she could smell her, and her chest could feel her. Brittany's eyes flashed up and Santana felt like her chest was heaving uncontrollably in preparation for what was about to happen. Brittany dipped her head quickly and rejoined their lips in a slower,yet harder kiss. Santana felt the bruising intensity and it made her hand fall loosely from the girl's back as she seemed to lose control of herself. Her body seemed to surrender. Brittany felt the tenseness leave the brunette and pulled away, bringing Santana's bottom lip with her slightly before letting it fall back into place. She pecked her lips softly once. Then twice.
Santana opened her eyes again once Brittany had pulled back slightly- a sudden rush of cooler air hitting her face.
"I...uhh" Santana began as she tried to even out her breaths. She pulled further away from the blonde so they were no longer touching, her gaze falling to her own hands. Her heart was racing, but not in the same way it was before. This was in panic. Her head was finally catching up with what had just happened and she felt like her body was trying to propel itself out of the second story window.
Brittany knitted her eyebrows in confusion, the mood around her had shifted in an instant and she silently begged for it to go back to how it was minutes earlier. She had felt so carefree, so swollen, so hot- and in a single moment it all dissipated and now she felt afraid.
Santana moved her legs off the edge of the bed and stood up, straightening her dress in the process. She couldn't do this. She wasn't ready.
Brittany stood with her, arms falling loosely to her sides. She ran her fingers through her hair as she took in the way the brunette seemed overly agitated, rummaging through her purse. She was going to run away again, Brittany could feel it. She felt tears prick the corners of her eyes as she attempted to prepare herself for the inevitable. She knew this about Santana. She knew that the girl ran when she felt overwhelmed but it didn't stop the pain from exploding in her chest when it happened.
In a quick motion, Santana flipped her purse over her shoulder when she finally located her keys. "I should go," she said above a whisper without making eye contact. "I have school in the morning, and I promised Jocelyn I'd meet her for breakfast. So I shoul-"
Brittany reached out and encircled her fingers around the brunette's wrist. She didn't really know what she was doing, she just knew her body reacted on it's own. She couldn't imagine watching the brunette walk away again, it hurt too much. She didn't know why it hurt, but it felt like she couldn't breathe every time it happened.
"San..."
Santana glanced up, looking at the blonde through her thick eyelashes-her entire body screaming to run away. Her soul was even yelling at her to move towards the door, but her feet remained rooted as she stared into blue orbs. Her lip quivered slightly.
"Britt, I can't...I can't d-"
"You don't have to." Brittany cut her off quickly, their eyes never drifting apart. Santana parted her lips to speak but closed them as if her words would be too hard to say. Her skin still burned from the blonde's touch but she knew it would hurt even worse if the girl were to let go. She let her eyes fall to the fingers holding her wrist captive. She silently wished for the girl to never let go despite her urge to run.
"I can't" Santana whispered, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.
"Please" Brittany whispered back. "It makes me feel heavy when you leave." She could feel herself nearly pouting but she didn't really care.
"Heavy?" Santana was being roped in, she could feel it. But a tiny part of her begged for it.
Brittany nodded. "It's like you take my air with you when you walk away."
Santana didn't know what to say. She felt like her brain was pulling her in one direction while her heart forced her to stare at Brittany's pout.
"Don't leave." Brittany continued slowly, "Stay."
Brittany pulled slightly on Santana's wrist causing her arms to fall, creating a link between them. Santana didn't speak nor did she listen to her brain that was still yelling at her to jump out the window. She didn't want to see Brittany upset and that desire completely outweighed her urge to escape. She felt herself being pulled back towards the bed and this time she didn't object. She watched as Brittany climbed underneath the covers- letting go of Santana's hand in the process.
The latina knew this was her moment. She could very easily turn and leave without a word and be free. She took one more glance down at the blonde getting situated under the covers and battled internally for a few seconds before her eyes met Brittany's and she let out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding.
She couldn't leave. If the look on Brittany's face wasn't enough to make her start taking off her heels, the feeling inside her chest was. She wanted to be free, she wanted all of these confusing feelings to go away- but in the same moment, she ached to be held captive by it all.
She slipped under the covers slowly and felt the blonde shuffle slightly so her back was flush against her chest. Santana's breath caught in her throat as she inhaled the floral scent that seemed to surround her. She no longer felt tense, it was as if a weird calm had washed over her and all she could focus on was the smell that invaded her nostrils and the sound of Brittany's breathing.
It was hard to tell which girl fell asleep first. Neither had slept in days but within minutes both had passed out- Brittany clutching her blankets around her neck and Santana with her hands twisted against her own chest, her forehead resting hotly against the blonde's back.
Santana felt a puff of hot air hit her face causing her eyelashes to flutter. She could tell by the red glow against her eyelids that it was morning, but her eyelids seemed too heavy to open. Another hot puff of air hit her face and she knitted her eyebrows in confusion. She slowly cracked one eye noticing a curtain of blonde surrounding her which caused her to snap her other eye open. The events of the night came drifting back to her slowly as she felt her heart start to hammer inside her chest. Her entire body grew hot when she realized her dress had shimmied up at some point in the night and their bare legs were entangled.
She swallowed thickly trying to control the heat radiating throughout her body. Reaching out, she lightly brushed the hair away from the blonde's face. Her breath hitched when Brittany was fully exposed, the girl looking peaceful in the midst of sleep and dreams. She couldn't help the smile that tugged at her lips at the sight. She let her fingers fall slowly, grazing the girls jawline in the process before she snuggled them back against her chest.
She glanced from the girl's freckles to her nose before letting her eyes fall to her lips. She felt her cheeks flush as the memory of kissing the same lips popped into her head. She resisted the urge to reach out and touch them and resisted the even stronger urge to dip down and let her lips brush against them again. She didn't know which feeling was stronger- the desire to be closer to the blonde- or the panic at what it all meant.
She inhaled deeply and smiled as she saw the blonde snuggle slightly closer. She knew she had to leave soon if she had any hopes of arriving to school on time, but something kept her there, staring at the girl in front of her. She wanted to rustle her awake softly so she could hear her voice before she had to spend a whole day without it.
Then again, if the girl woke up, Santana was positive she wouldn't know what she should say. She felt so overwhelmed she would probably wind up saying something that hurt the girl's feelings by mistake. She battled for a moment, not knowing which she should do. She felt another hot breath hit her face and she smiled slightly before slowly trying to make her way out of the covers. It took every ounce of stealth the latina had to get out of that bed without the blonde waking up. Their legs had been hotly intermingled and it took great skill on Santana's part to escape without so much as an eyelash fluttering from the blonde.
There was no use in both of them being up this early- plus the girl needed her sleep too. She definitely didn't want Brittany to get sick again. This way she also avoided any awkwardness or any sort of discussion. Santana let out a sigh of relief when she finally was standing next to the bed, while a sleeping Brittany clung to the pillow next to her.
Santana found a small piece of paper and scribbled a note quickly, leaving it on the edge of the bed before grabbing her purse and slowly tiptoeing out of the room- shoes in hand. She loved the way Brittany's house looked, almost like a little cottage with pictures and all sorts of little knick knacks perfectly scattered. The house felt so homey and full of character.
She had made it down the stairs and was walking towards the front door when a creaking sound made her stop abruptly. She clamped her eyes shut and silently hoped she imagined the whole thing.
"Santana?"
She winced, cursing under her breath before twirling around on the hardwood while running fingers through her messy hair. Her dress was still disheveled and she was positive she looked like a wreck. But that was nothing compared to the sheer terror that was raging within her body as she made eye contact with the older woman in front of her. So much for sneaking out.
"M-Mrs. Pierce" Santana stuttered as she felt her palms grow sweaty. This was bad. No, this was worse than bad. This looked horrible. Santana knew Brittany's mom would know- she would know that they kissed. She was sure it was written all over her dopey ass face. She felt herself growing more and more paranoid as the older woman stared at her, a slight smile appearing on her face.
"I didn't know you were here." Brittany's mom brushed the front of her shirt as if wiping invisible crumbs away.
"Uh, yea." Santana seemed to stumble over her words. "I came over last night and I guess I fell asleep. I'm sorry."
Mrs. Pierce chuckled slightly before waving her hand towards the latina, "No need to apologize. You must have been exhausted."
"Yea, I was." Santana mumbled quickly and pointed towards the door. "Cheerleading practice."
"Of course, of course. Have a great day." The older woman followed the latina outside and watched the girl disappear down the walkway before climbing inside her car.
Santana couldn't tell if her car was making the loud thumping sound bouncing within her ears or if it was her heart hitting her ribs. How her life had gotten so shaken up in the last few weeks she couldn't seem to wrap her head around. She didn't recognize the world around her, nor did she recognize the people in it. In fact she wasn't sure she even recognized herself anymore.
She felt herself sweat as her anxiety level rose and she panicked even more. She didn't even bother turning on the music as she knew it wouldn't help. There was nothing worth all the changes she was being forced to face. Nothing.
Santana couldn't help the way her mind flashed to Brittany and the way her hand fit perfectly against the small of the blonde's back or the way her lips felt against her own. She forced a swallow as she felt her stomach knot up and twist. She clamped her eyes shut briefly and sucked in air as she remembered the hot tongue that had invaded her mouth the night before. Her mouth filled with saliva forcing her to swallow again. She shook her head. She shouldn't be thinking of that. It only added more complication to everything else going on in her life.
She had kissed a girl. Santana Lopez had just willingly and with passion- kissed another girl. She smiled to herself before mentally slapping herself. No. This wasn't a good thing. It didn't matter that in that moment she felt more alive than she ever felt kissing a boy. Nor did it matter that she didn't even have to be kissing the blonde to feel that way- her presence was enough. No. None of that mattered- because the only thing the rest of the world would see- would be the fact that she was a woman. Santana winced again at the thought.
She came to a stop, mind still completely in shambles as she hopped out the car and jogged quickly up the walk and into the small house without even knocking.
"Joce! I need your bathroom. I'm late"
"Bitch find your own, I'm not gon-" Jocelyn rounded the corner holding Jillian on her hip before stopping dead in her tracks, her brows knitted in confusion.
"Annd, why are you still wearing the dress from the service last night?" Jillian was reaching out towards Santana, but Jocelyn stayed motionless.
Santana could have kicked herself for not changing. Great. Questions she didn't want to answer. She rolled her eyes before making her way towards the two girls. "Don't look at me like that." Jillian was kicking her legs and waving her hands as Santana approached, causing her mother to wince.
"ntana, ntana" Jillian giggled when Santana grabbed her from Jocelyn and made her way towards the bathroom.
"Oh, I'll look at you that way, ho. Where were you?" Jocelyn was following close behind, her hair wrapped up on her head and her make up half done.
"Droooop it." Santana seemed to sing as she sat Jillian on the counter. "Right Jilly? If Mommy know's what's best for her she will just zip it." Santana was talking in a baby tone as she cradled Jillian's face in her hands before kissing her quickly. She turned her attention towards the mirror and applied some of her eye make up as Jillian watched.
"ntana has a nose," Jillian pointed towards the mirror with one hand as she touched her own nose with her other finger.
"I totally have a nose. Hottest nose you'll ever see." She bopped her finger on Jillian's nose lightly. "next to yours, yours is hot too."
Jillian smiled as she watched Santana perfect herself in the mirror. Her face was still but her eyes were taking in every single detail of what was happening and Santana smirked when she saw the girl so captivated.
"No make up for you, Jilly. Luckily you got my looks instead of your-"
"Santana! I can hear you. Stop filling my kids head with nonsense" Jocelyn's voice was shouting from down the hall.
Santana took one last look at herself in the mirror before smirking and pulling her hair into a high ponytail effortlessly. "Nonsense she says...has she seen us?" Santana tickled Jillians sides before scooping her up and carrying her down the hall. She knew Jillian couldn't understand half of what was said to her, but Santana liked to believe that their bond ran deep because of how they interacted. She never treated Jillian like she was a baby- even though she technically still was, instead she just treated her like a mini version of herself. And she found that the bond they shared because of it was a lot stronger than anyone else who was close to the baby latina.
She found Jocelyn sprawled out on the floor in front of the mirror applying mascara with her mouth dropped open. Her hair was still piled on her head.
"Case and point, Jillian." Santana said pointing to the smaller latina on the floor with a fake grimace on her face.
She plopped the little girl down on the bed and made her way towards Jocelyn's closet, flipping through hangers quickly. She may actually make it to school on time. If she could continue her morning without thinking about her uncle or Brittany she was pretty sure she could do it.
She grabbed a striped dress and a black crop jacket before shimmying out of her current dress and watching it fall to the floor. Within seconds she had climbed into her new dress and was admiring herself behind Jocelyn in the mirror.
"How do I look, Jilly?" Santana asked as she turned from side to side.
"Gross" Jocelyn said as she applied lip gloss, with a smirk.
Santana shot her a nasty glare before turning her attention towards the petite tot on the bed. She put her arms on her hips. Jillian held a huge grin and pointed towards Santana, "princess dress."
"I do believe your daughter just called me a princess." Santana smirked before grabbing her purse off the ground. "I've taught her well."
"Whore" Jocelyn whispered with a smirk before glancing at the clock on her side table.
"Don't call yourself that" Santana winked "I'm leav-"
"Shit, I'm so late." The younger latina interrupted causing Santana to stop briefly. "Do me a huge favor?"
Santana narrowed her eyes at the girl's reflection before folding her arms across her chest. "I have a feeling I'm not going to like this."
"I have a feeling you'll hate it, but you'll do it because you love me." Jocelyn made a worried expression as she let her hair loose. "Can you drop Jillian off at preschool on your way to practice, there is no way I can make it there and to school on time."
"And I can?" Santana snapped bitterly.
"Look! You're ready, I'm not. Please?" Jocelyn stuck her lip out in the mirror. "She's already ready, she just needs her coat on."
Santana looked over at Jillian and her annoyance fell slightly when she saw the girl smiling with a toothy grin. "Fine, but only because me and her needs some bonding time."
"Yeah yeah, say what you want. I know you love me." Jocelyn smirked before she began brushing her long dark hair.
Santana slipped into her heels before picking up the toddler from the bed and turning to leave the room. "Say bye to the unattractive version of me, Jilly." Santana giggled.
Jillian began waving behind her before starting to ramble, "bye, bye, bye, bye."
"Santana I swear! If she starts calling me a ho, you are dead to me." Jocelyn shouted as Santana made her way down the hall.
"Lets go, babygirl. Got your hat and this dumb a-," she paused catching herself before continuing "this silly hello kitty backpack your mom insists that you cart around."
Internally Santana was freaking out about being late to cheerio practice. She was also forcing her mind to stay away from the bubbly blonde and the intense feelings of wanting to kiss her again. Externally she was singing 'Baby Beluga' with Jillian as she made her way through traffic before parking at the far end of the parking lot-rushing Jillian inside. She threw her backpack in her cubby and hung up her coat before placing her on the ground, the girl looking a little unsteady on her feet.
"Have a great day, hotness. I'll miss my partner in crime." Santana winked before running a finger along the small chubby cheek. Jillian brought her hands up to either side of the older latina's face before pecking her quickly, imitating the kiss she had received in the bathroom earlier. Santana smiled broadly before swatting at the girl's butt playfully. "Go play."
She managed to sneak out without Jillian fussing too much before rushing the rest of the way to school. She was thankful that there wasn't much traffic and she managed to find a relatively close spot to park. It didn't really matter though, not when she stepped foot into the auditorium and heard the bell ring alerting students that they should be in their first class already. She immediately wanted to shank Jocelyn for making her miss cheerio practice. She was absolutely positive she was going to feel the wrath of Sylvester before the day was over and she made a mental note to project all her snix rage onto Jocelyn in the afternoon. Bitch deserved it.
"Hey San, you're late." She heard a male voice behind her but didn't turn around to greet anyone. She wasn't in the mood.
"Well aren't you observant." She huffed as she turned the corner and made her way to her locker.
"Snarky." Sam laughed before leaning up against the row of metal, staring at the latina as she flipped through her lock combination.
"Always."
"Proposition," he paused briefly before changing his voice slightly, "should you choose to accept it."
Santana turned and narrowed her eyes at him as she grabbed her math and literature book. She replaced it with her purse before slamming the door shut.
"Mission Impossible." he smiled broadly showing off all his teeth causing Santana to tilt her head back slightly in amusement. "There's a new bond movie out on Friday, wanna go?"
Santana pulled the books towards her chest before shifting her weight and trying to read the boy in front of her. Was he seriously asking her out? Again? Sure they had made out on a few occasions but nothing every remotely serious. For some reason the thought of being anything close to intimate with him made Santana's skin crawl. She didn't want to be close to him. She stopped herself before she let her mind fall to a different blonde. Of a different gender.
"Sam, I know you aren't asking me what I think you are" Santana licked her lips in annoyance. Whether it was because of the boy in front of her or because her mind was constantly thinking of Brittany, she didn't know.
"Maybe you'd like to go see-" Sam started but was interrupted when the latina rolled her eyes and started to walk off.
"I'm gonna take that as a no?" Sam said loudly as she continued to walk away.
"I'd be worried about your mental status, if you took that as a yes." Santana said without looking back. She turned a corner and disappeared from his view sighing to herself. It wasn't uncommon for her to get hit on, but for some reason today it was making her blood boil. At least he didn't follow her, he knew better.
"I thought I heard that sweet voice of yours." Santana snapped her attention just in time to see Quinn fall in step next to her.
"Ah, Q. That was just dripping with sarcasm." Santana rolled her eyes. She was going to get in trouble for being so late to class, she just hoped she didn't have to serve detention.
"Maybe. Maybe not. Regardless... I missed you this morning during practice."
"Aw, did the has-been have trouble without her leader?" Santana smirked.
Quinn rolled her eyes before deciding to ignore the latina altogether. "So I decided your raincheck would be cashed in today."
"Says who?" Santana winced at the thought.
"Me. My place. Afterschool. We can go over some cheerio routines."
"Why does this sound like I don't have a choice. Don't you have a child you could get visitation rights to.. or are you over pretending to be a good person?" Santana cut her eyes towards the blonde next to her.
"Someone has a stick up their ass today." Quinn retorted quickly before turning to walk into class.
Santana settled into the desk and breathed a sigh of relief as the teacher continued writing on the board. She couldn't help the way the blood that flowed within her body felt like it was boiling and her skin felt like it was crawling. She wanted to lash out at everyone around her and scream that her life was in turmoil. That nothing was right. That every piece of her life was upside down and spinning out of control.
Except for the piece she gave to Brittany. That was the only piece that was right side up- and somehow that kept her grounded. Somehow the image of the blonde this morning, her hair scattered across the pillow entered Santana's memory. She felt her lips pull into a smile as she remembered the way her bare legs felt being tangled within the long pale limbs.
Before she knew it she was longing to see the girl again. Trying to remember the smell of the girl's flesh. The freckles. And the hot puffs of air that left the perfectly pouty lips she had kissed the night before. She kept repeating the last part to herself as the teacher's voice became lost in her head. She was drowning.
That she kissed the night before.
Brittany stared at the book in front of her. Nothing was making much sense to her today. She had tried really hard to comprehend the analogies on the pages in front of her, but they seemed too confusing. Her mom had given her a worksheet to complete and she was curled up on the couch with Lord Tubbington nestled in her lap.
She pulled her hand from under the covers, her fingers gripping the note she had found when she woke up this morning. She had looked at it a million times, and this would make a million and one but she didn't care. It was the only thing that reminded her that last night wasn't a dream, that Santana was actually there. That they had actually been together. Their lips had been together.
Brittany felt her breath get stuck in her lungs as she read the note again.
B-
Have to go to Cheerio Practice.
You looked too peaceful to wake.
3 San
It wasn't much, just a few lines, but Brittany couldn't help the way she smiled whenever she read it. She ran her thumb slowly over the heart and the latina's name before shoving it back under the covers when she heard her mother's footsteps.
"Did you finish it, Sweetie?" her mother's voice was sweet and airy causing Brittany's heartbeat to slow back to normal.
"Mostly." Brittany mumbled before flipping a few pages in her book. "Can I ask you a question without you getting upset?"
Brittany's mom turned to her daughter with her brows a little furrowed. "Of course, but if this has anything to do with Santana staying the night, I already know about it."
"Huh? No? But..." Brittany was confused.
"I ran into her this morning, poor thing looked exhausted."
"Oh. Well that's not what I was going to ask." Brittany smiled to herself as she tried to picture how the brunette looked with morning hair.
"Let's not get off topic by asking about hermit crabs and their houses today Brittany, you're behind on your lessons." Her mother's face looked slightly stern but Brittany knew she wasn't annoyed and could press further.
"I think..." Brittany didn't really know how to word what had been flowing around in her head for the last week, so she hoped it came out right. "I kinda want to go to a normal school. Not that I don't love when you teach me. Cause I totally do! You tell me cool things about dolphins and relate everything back to Lord Tubbington or unicorns. It makes math so much easier. I just want to be normal." Brittany let out a long sigh.
"Oh." Brittany's mom scooted closer to Brittany, reaching over to pet the fat cat on her lap. "I understand what you're feeling B, I just worry about you relapsing because of the stress. This is why we started homeschooling to begin with. To make sure you kept up with your studies, and to do what was best for your health."
Brittany frowned as she noticed the worry lines on her mom's forehead appear as she spoke. Somehow her mother had managed to care for her this whole time without complaining or ever showing weakness. She didn't know how she did it. It was an awful lot to take care of someone who was as sick as she was. She felt so grateful that she was somehow picked out of the baby bin to be given to her mom.
"I know, I just want to know what it's like. I think I can do it. I've been feeling a lot better."
"I know, and you are getting better. I just worry about what will happen when you aren't feeling better, B."
Brittany lowered her gaze and watched her cat purr heavily as she scratched his ear, she still held Santana's note tightly in her other hand. "What if I never feel bad again?"
"B...I would love for you to never in your life feel bad again. If anyone deserves that, it's you. But this doesn't just go away. You and I both know that. It's a chronic thing. Long term."
There was a long period of silence. Neither Brittany nor her mom spoke and the only sound was both of their staggered breaths and the sound of slight purring. Brittany's mom was the first to break the silence.
"I'll make you a deal though." Brittany's eyes shot up, she felt slightly hopeful. "If you continue to feel better in the coming weeks, and you actually get your normal sleeping pattern back. I'll consider it."
Brittany lunged herself at her mom, hugging her closely. Lord Tubbington leaped off her lap in annoyance flopping to the ground with a loud thud.
"You're the best." Brittany whispered, squeezing a little harder before pulling away.
"Don't say that yet, I haven't looked over that worksheet." Her mom chuckled before standing up, making her way towards the kitchen. "Finish it, Brittany. I mean it."
Brittany couldn't wipe the smile off her face and it was causing her muscles to grow sore. She pulled out her phone quickly and sent a text to Santana thanking her for the note before trying to concentrate on the worksheet in front of her. She had gotten through half the questions when her phone vibrated next to her.
INBOX IT BE SNIX YO: School kicked my ass. On my way to hang with Quinn. She's forcing me.
Brittany frowned. Maybe public school wasn't the best idea, especially not if it kicked people's asses. She didn't even want to imagine how that was possible.
SENT: Ouch, hopefully not with pointy shoes. :) I'm finishing up this worksheet then watching Sleeping Beauty with LT.
Brittany finished up her worksheet quickly and frowned when she didn't hear from the brunette after her last text. She wasn't jealous of Quinn. She just wished she could be in the girl's presence too. It was like she physically needed it.
She got situated on the couch and pressed play, snuggling into Lord Tubbington's fur coat. She still had Santana's note balled in her hand under the covers. Despite the slight aching inside her chest, Brittany felt peaceful as she watched the fairies prepare to bestow their gifts upon baby Aurora. This was her favorite part.
A knock at the door caused Lord Tubbington to fly off the couch and down the hall. She paused the movie and made her way to the door, opening it quickly while scanning the hallway for her fat cat behind her.
"Hi."
The raspy voice caused Brittany to snap her head towards the direction of the door, completely forgetting about the cat.
"Uhh- Hi?" Brittany asked tilting her head slightly. "What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be with Quinn?"
Santana dropped her gaze to the floor as she saw the fat cat waddle down the hall and sit at Brittany's feet that were turned slightly inward. Her toes wiggled.
"Yea, I don't really know how I ended up here...I just- I don't know."
Brittany started to smile and felt her cheeks blush slightly. She didn't know why Santana had arrived on her front porch- or how exactly, but she was grateful nevertheless. Her chest felt tight and full at the same time and she struggled to return her breathing to a normal rhythm. The sight of the latina was making it nearly impossible.
"Well, wanna watch the rest of Sleeping Beauty? It's at my favorite part!"
Santana watched as the blonde bounced a little on the balls of her feet. She was wearing the same black tight shorts as the night before and the latina couldn't help but take in the legs that went on for miles. She snapped her eyes back up to the blondes, her cheeks immediately burned.
Brittany didn't wait for her to answer. She reached out and grabbed the girl's hand and pulled her through the threshold and towards the living room. She let her hand fall along the way, an action that made the latina immediately frown.
Santana watched as the blonde slid back under the covers and held them up as if she was waiting for the latina to climb in too. Santana hesitated. The last time she was close to the blonde she lost control, and she was worried she would again. In the middle of the living room. With Mrs. Pierce's unpredictable ass roaming around.
She couldn't hesitate much longer as she was certain Brittany would notice. She glanced up and locked her eyes on bright blue pools, her chest immediately aching. She didn't really have a choice. She never really had a choice. She just preferred to think she did.
She maneuvered her way under the blanket and sat about an inch away from Brittany, trying to give herself a little space so she could feel in control. The movie began playing in front of her but all she could see was pink lips and pale skin. All she could feel was wetness and a hot tongue sliding against her own, hair being pulled tightly at the nape of her neck. All she could smell was her. All she wanted to smell was her. It drove her body crazy.
Her vision seemed to grow blurry and she blinked a few times trying to fix it. It only helped a little, she felt high. Her head and body was buzzing slightly like she was battery operated. Every time she blinked she saw the blonde the night before, kissing her, touching her, absorbing her. She felt her entire body ache at the desire to do it all over again. Just one more time. One more time. She kept telling herself that, as if she knew that's all she would need. As if she knew she wouldn't keep coming back for more.
Brittany noticed the way Santana kept blinking as she watched the movie. Not that she was focusing on Santana or anything. Except she totally would be lying if she said she wasn't. She had been pretending to laugh at certain parts, and even pretended to pout when Aurora pricked her finger. But in reality? She was focused on the shallow breaths the brunette was taking, and the way she clutched the blanket with her right hand and her knee with the other. Brittany tried. She tried really hard to focus on the movie. But her body was screaming at her to make contact with the latina. Literally screaming. She almost could hear it within her ears, and her fingertips tingled as if they remembered touching the tanned skin. She felt her stomach tumble repeatedly as she fiddled with her hands under the blanket. She was forcing herself to not reach over and grab the girl by the neck and crash their lips together. She almost felt like she should sit on her hands, preventing such a thing from happening.
Brittany bit her lip slightly and noticed how the latina's chest caught as if she noticed. In a way she kinda hoped she did. But she also felt her cheeks flush in embarrassment. She slowly moved her arm to her leg, her hand inches from the latinas. She silently was grateful that a blanket was covering what was happening underneath because Brittany was never very good at being subtle.
She wasn't in control anymore. At least thats what she told herself when she extended her pinky slightly to the right and felt it burn as it touched tan flesh. Santana let out an audible gasp that caused Brittany's mouth to smirk. She kept her eyes on the television, but every other ounce was focused on the burning as the brunette lifted her fingers slightly, letting the blonde slightly trail the length of her pinky with her fingertip. The action caused shocks to be sent up Santana's arm, radiating within her chest. She returned the gesture caressing Brittany's fingers softly under the blanket.
This continued until it moved from the pinky finger, to two fingers, to the entire hand. Under the blanket they snaked and caressed each other's hand repeatedly. Interlocking fingers briefly before sliding them apart and tracing fingers again. It was such a simple action but was causing both girls to become unfocused and distracted. Their bodies radiated heat.
Brittany couldn't breathe, she was positive she wasn't a person anymore, but instead a heater. She could feel the heat coming out of her mouth when she exhaled. She traced a circle on the tanned wrist before feeling the brunette trace a circle on her palm in return. She tried to speak but a lump in her throat prevented any noise from escaping. She swallowed slowly before trying again.
"All I thought about today was last ni-"
Santana's heart thumped loudly in her chest at Brittany's words and she interrupted before she could finish, "Oh! This is my favorite part."
Brittany came out of her trance slightly to glance towards the TV as the Prince fought the dragon and battled a forest of thorns. She smiled lightly. "I like this part too."
Neither spoke, or tried to speak, for the rest of the movie. Brittany was pretty confident that the latina didn't want to talk about what happened, so she settled for the stolen glances and caresses they shared under the blanket.
Santana was the first to pull away when the credits started rolling, flipping the blanket and moving slightly to grab her purse.
"My mom went all Lima Heights on me this morning for not coming home last night." Santana finally turned to make eye contact with the blonde and gripped the couch and her purse to prevent herself from capturing the blonde's pout with her lips. The urge she felt to kiss the girl again was starting to grow larger than her ability to control herself.
"Uh oh, Sorry." Brittany's voice was a quiet whisper as she licked her lips involuntarily causing the brunette to swallow forcefully.
"Uh, none of that. It's not your fault." Santana shook her head before standing up. "Just means I gotta get my ass home before she decides to pull out a razor blade."
Brittany followed the brunette to the door, not being able to tear her eyes away from the body in front of her as the girls hips swayed slightly. She caught herself just in time for the brunette to turn around as she opened the door. Without thinking she leaned in and encircled her arms around the petite girl's waist, her face nuzzling into tanned flesh. The latina seemed tense at first but it was only a second before her tiny arms found their way around the blonde's neck. Brittany inhaled heavily, her nose pressed tightly against the latina's neck and felt her chest burn and ache at the same time. She was fighting self control again. She was fighting and she didn't think she was going to win this time. Not that she ever won.
She was waiting for the burning within her chest to subside, to drift away so she could pull away, but it was persistent and it made her vision blurry. She closed her eyes before licking her lips and kissing the latina's pounding pulse point at the base of her neck slowly. Once. Then twice. She pulled away when she caught herself trying to do more than just peck at the spot.
Santana slid her arms away, and reluctantly stepped closer before stepping back again and turning to leave. Even though the brunette was no longer in her arms, Brittany could swear she could still feel her. Her chest was still burning and her fingertips still tingled. She swallowed heavily as Santana started her car and glanced quickly at Brittany before pulling away. She slowly brought her burning fingers to her lips, touching them gently. She could still feel it. She shivered involuntarily as she felt as if it were happening again. The thumping of the latina's neck as it pulsated against her hot, wet lips.
Santana's eyes felt like sandpaper. She had been trying to sleep for the past three hours and had succeeded only in tangling herself in her black satin sheets. Her mind was in a frenzy and her chest was still burning from her last moments with Brittany.
She glanced at the clock on her phone. 2:44 AM. She was going to be late to school again tomorrow if she kept this shit up. If she hated the lecture she got today from Coach Sue she was going to hate the day she was born if it happened again. But she couldn't help it. Truly. She couldn't.
Her mind kept replaying the night before and the feelings that spread through her body like wildfire. She kept imagining Brittany's hand in hers, tracing outlines and patterns. Or the heat that radiated from the girl's body this morning when she was snuggled against her. Her body shivered slightly as she remembered the gentle kisses the blonde had made against her neck hours earlier. She pulled the pillow over her head in frustration, groaning slightly. She just wanted to sleep. If she couldn't feel those feelings right now, she wanted to sleep. Not be tortured with their memory.
She groaned out loud again kicking her legs in annoyance before finally removing her head from under the pillow and flipping over to her back. Her room was dark and quiet, as she stared into the air around her, willing something...anything to force her to sleep. She sighed again in annoyance.
The room lit up slightly with a faint glow causing Santana to knit her eyebrows in confusion. It took her a few seconds to realize that the light was coming from her phone. She fumbled with her blankets before finding it and sliding her finger across the screen when she saw the blonde's name. Her heart immediately thudding against her ribs.
"Britt? Are you okay?" Santana said with a hint of worry in her tone.
"Oh. Yea, I'm fine." The voice on the other end of the phone immediately made Santana melt further into her sheets, her body relaxing once she knew the girl was okay.
"You do know it's nearly 3AM, right?"
"I know. Did I wake you?" Brittany sounded apologetic.
"Actually, no. I can't sleep." Santana groaned slightly before pulling the covers up to her neck.
"Me either."
There was a long period of silence. Santana pressed the phone harder into her ear and could swear she heard the girl breathing. The thought made her wince. She sounded like a creeper. She was becoming a creeper. Fact.
"Your voice helps." Brittany finally spoke, her voice sounding slightly more groggy than it had 5 minutes ago. Santana's chest fell at the girl's words. How the girl managed to take her breath away with 3 simple words she would never know. Brittany was always doing something to amaze the latina and tonite at 3AM was no different.
"Yea?" Santana couldn't bring herself to say anything back, she didn't trust her voice not to crack.
"Mmhmmm" Brittany hummed before Santana heard her yawn. The truth was, hearing Brittany's voice was making Santana feel sleepy too. Santana couldn't admit that, at least she didn't think she could. But somehow being on the phone and not face to face made her slightly more confident.
"I know the feeling." She surprised herself when she spoke and felt a grin at Brittany's throaty mumble in response. Her own eyes were drifting shut and staying that way for longer periods of time, her entire body growing heavier. She opened her eyes one last time before glancing around the room, and licking her lips.
"Britt?"
"Yea?" It was a barely there mumble, but it was enough to let Santana know the girl wasn't completely asleep yet.
"Remember earlier, during Sleeping Beauty?" Santana was worried she herself would fall asleep before she could finish. But she felt the need to say this, if she never said anything else tonite, she needed Brittany to know.
"Mmm...Yea" Santana smiled as she tried to imagine the sleepy blonde.
"Last night..." Santana trailed off her nerves suddenly getting the best of her. Her chest felt swollen and within seconds she was drowning again. But in the good way. In Brittany.
"Mmm..."
Santana inhaled slowly, "It's all I thought about today too."