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Lost in Translation

September 2015

Hartford and London

Pain. It was the most profound pain that she had ever experienced. Her grandfather, Richard Gilmore, her driving force, her rock, her inspiration, had died.

The nightmare began while working on an assignment in St. Louis. After getting no answer after a number of calls, her mother texted her.

911 Grandpa had a heart attack. Not good. Come home.

Rory grabbed the next flight home, where she basically lived in the hospital for the next week. She and Lorelai went into protective mode, making sure that all of Richards's needs were met, dealing with the doctors, bribing the ICU staff, and reading him passages from his favorite books while playing his favorite music in the background on their phones. When they weren't with Richard, they were with Emily making sure she ate, rearranging her appointments, sitting with her while she dealt with the paperwork and other legal matters with the lawyers.

No one could say that Richard was not a fighter. He fought to stay alive harder than any of the Gilmore women had ever seen. He was angry, angry that his body was besting his will. How dare the universes mess with THE Richard Gilmore! He refused to consent to a DNR, telling all the nurses that he was intent on walking out of the hospital and never returning. There was still so much for him to do, so much for him to experience. He was not done with this life.

Yet, in the end, Richard's fate was out of his hands. It was Rory who was with him when he died, sitting next to him taking a quick nap when the monitor started alarming. Despite their valiant efforts, the cardiac team could not bring him back. Richard Gilmore was no more. Sadly, her mother and grandmother were not there, having left to retrieve items from the house, arriving a mere 10 minutes after the fact. Rory stopped them at the ICU lounge, breaking the news to them as gently as she could. Despite all the talk to mentally prepare for the worst, Lorelai and Emily were devastated, breaking down right there in the lounge.

The death of her grandfather was her most significant loss to date. Without him, she felt untethered and lost. Yet, she had to keep it together because her mother and grandmother were falling apart at the seams. She went into protective mode overdrive, making sure that Emily and Lorelai kept it together as they spent the following days making arrangements for Richard's funeral, not allowing her own grief to overwhelm her.

Upon hearing about her grandfather's heart attack, Logan contacted Rory right away, leaving so many voicemails, text messages, and e-mails that it bordered on stalking. Rory listened to and read every message. The fact that he cared so much touched her and brought tears to her eyes. In the weeks following their night in London, both Rory and Logan thought about each more than what was appropriate. They thought about each other when they woke up in the morning and were the last thought at night. If something funny or interesting happened during the day, Rory first instinct would be to call or text Logan. If there was an issue or something that he needed to talk through, Rory seemed to be Logan's go-to person. But they resisted because contact such as that did not "keep things in Vegas."

However, this time was different. Logan wanted to be there for Rory and Rory wanted him there.

Factoring in the time difference, knowing that he would be awake and at work, Rory texted Logan, thanking him for his support. He called her back right away. What they thought would be a quick hello and thank you turned into a two-hour conversation. "Oh, the scene at the hospital yesterday!" Rory recounted for Logan, "When I walked into his room grandpa was barking orders at the hospital staff, grandma was scolding grandpa to calm down, and mom was standing in the wings apologizing for her crazy parents."

"So in other words, a very Gilmore kinda day," Logan responded.

"I guess so," Rory said giggling and then catching her breath in grief.

"He'll be ok Rory. Richard is a fighter, just like his granddaughter."

They continued to talk every day with Rory slipping away from her family around between 2-3pm every afternoon so she could catch Logan mid-evening London time. Each time the conversation would last for at least an hour. They talked about Richard's progress, gossip about other patients, and the quirky members of the hospital staff. They also talked about their days, thinking out work issues, recalling funny or interesting things that they encountered, or updating each other on mutual friends and acquaintances.

Then came the day when Rory did not call at their usual time. While Logan consciously tried to be optimistic, something in his gut told him that something had gone horribly wrong. He got the confirmation later that night via text.

I'm sorry I didn't call. Grandpa passed this afternoon. Grandma and mom are a mess. I will call when I can.

Logan instantly got online to find a flight back to the States to be with Rory but stopped himself just before he officially booked the ticket. As much as he wanted to be with her, to love, support, and comfort her in her time of need, he realized he really had no place there. As far as he knew no one knew about their reconnection. Then there was the fact that he lived an ocean away and was engaged to another woman; he knew that he would be more stress in an already difficult time. So he hung back and let her lead,

I'm so sorry Rory. I'm here for you. Anything you need. Contact me when you can.

For Rory, the days following Richard's death were a complete blur. There were people to call, arrangements to be made, sad moments to work through. In the midst of the turmoil, Rory received a call from Naomi Shropshire. She was being featured in a small but well-read British publication. Naomi consented to the interview but on one condition, "I want you to write it." She told Rory (apparently, Naomi was very impressed with her at their first meeting.) Incredibly flattered, Rory's excitement was immediately dashed when she heard the additional stipulations, "They would like to meet with you in person, next Monday. 10 am sharp." Richard's funeral was scheduled for the Saturday prior and there was no way that Rory could make her way to London and prep with all that was happening. "I'm sorry Naomi, but I can't make it. Can we perhaps Facetime or Skype this meeting?"

"Oh Rory, that's so impersonal. Why? Is it the expense, because that will be covered."

"No, it's not the expense. My grandfather died two days ago and his funeral is scheduled for the Saturday before the meeting. With all that's happening, I think I'll have to pass..."

"Rory, ask to call her back." Emily's voice suddenly sounded from behind her making Rory jump.

Rory turned around and saw Emily standing behind her. "Please Rory, before you make any commitments, ask to call her back."

Rory did what she was told and then joined Emily in Richard's study. For the past week, Emily existed in a virtual fog. However, hearing Rory turn down a potential job seemed to wake Emily up. "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help but overhear your conversation. I think you should go."

"Excuse me? Go where?"

"You should go to London and take that meeting. It's a job Rory, it's what you do. You should go."

"But what about the funeral? What about you? No grandma I need to be here."

"The funeral is scheduled for 10 am. By the time the services are over it will be about 1 pm. Then there is the reception here. From what I remember, there are plenty of evening flights to London."

"What about you and mom? There so much to do afterward with settling the estate to writing the thank you notes..."

"We will be fine Rory. You are here and will be here for the important part. After the funeral, it's just formality. You should not put your life on hold in the name of formality. I don't want you to and your Grandfather certainly wouldn't want you to either. Don't worry, your mother and I will have everything under control."

With that Rory called Naomi back to make the arrangements.

"I'm coming back to London," Rory told Logan tentatively when she finally had a chance to call him back. It was the day before the funeral and there was still so much to do, but Rory wanted, dare she thought needed, to talk to Logan. She sent him a quick text and he replied stating that he was available to call him at any time. It was not until 9 pm London time, the day before the funeral, that Rory was able to reach him. He answered after the first ring, "Hey, how's it going?" he greeted her.

"It's going" she replied, "thank you for the beautiful flowers."

"Hey, it's the least I could do. I wish I could do more."

"I know and thank you."

They switched their conversation from the phone to Facetime, where they settled for the next three hours. They talked about Richard, how the Gilmores were coping, their weird relatives that were coming out of the woodwork, and the other matters that go with the death of a loved one. He helped her revise and rehearse her eulogy and provided comfort every time she started to cry. Logan caught up Rory on the week at work, projects that were coming down the pipeline, his upcoming travel schedule. She told him about Naomi and her upcoming trip to London.

"When are you arriving?"

"About 8 am. I have an hour layover in Dublin."

"Oh, not enough time to stalk Bono. Too bad"

"Yea, maybe next time."

The funeral went as well as expected. Everything went off like clockwork, just as Emily Gilmore had arranged. Despite the tears, Rory delivered her heartfelt eulogy that touched both Emily, Lorelai, and even had Luke shedding a tear or two. During the reception at the Gilmore house, Rory could not help but follow her Grandmother around.

"I'm alright Rory." Emily implored.

"I know," Rory replied as she continued to follow her.

Fours hours later and it was time to go. Rory said her goodbyes to Emily, Lorelai, and other guests and Luke took her to the airport. Once she was on the plane and settled in her seat she began to feel the effects of the week settle in. The combination of exhaustion and 5mg of melatonin took over helping her succumb to some much-needed sleep, which was interrupted only as they prepared to land in Dublin. While she waited for her connecting flight to London, she began to think about the week ahead specifically Logan. The fact that he had been such a Godsend through this ordeal only added to her confusion about how she felt about him. Was it need in a time of grief or something more? Would she even see him at all this time? They didn't make plans and he was, after all, still engaged. She had no right to assume that one night of passion promised another. Thoughts of Logan continued to fill her mind during her short trip to London. Perhaps I will call him and take him out for a thank you dinner, no lunch. Lunch is safer...she thought as she collected her suitcase at baggage claim at Heathrow.

However, any questions she had about Logan, at least during this trip, were settled the moment she walked into the arrivals terminal.

Standing there holding a sign stating "Ace" was Logan.

She slowly walked up to him, dropped her bags, threw her arms around his neck, and burst into tears.

"I'm so glad you're here." She said between sobs.

"There is no place I'd rather be." He replied.

Logan held her tight, only letting go when he felt her loosen her grip. He looked at her, kissed her on the forehead and wiped away her tears with a handkerchief. He then took her bags, and with his free arm wrapped around her, led her to the waiting car that would take them back to his place where he took care of her as only he could.

Despite her grief over her grandfather, Rory's week in London was short of perfect. The meeting with Naomi and the magazine went well and Rory landed the job. While the publication that was featuring the article was not as prestigious and well known as The New Yorker, it was nevertheless a writing job, exposure, and money. Rory found her days being taken up by Naomi, where she followed her around, met her associates in her various professional circles, and peppered her with questions that helped give her insight to both the London and Talk of the Town articles. Rory had to admit to that being with Naomi was a nice distraction and somewhat refreshing and fun. She admired Naomi's strength, bravery, intelligence, dry wit, and devil may care attitude. It was attitude, a force that Rory wished she had more of and tried very hard to soak in.

While Naomi matters filled in her days, her evenings and nights were spent holed up in the flat with Logan. He would come home around 6 pm where they would order take out or he would whip up a quick supper. After dinner, they spent the evening curled up on the couch watching TV or movies or reading and quietly basking in each other's presence. At night they made love and slept peacefully and soundly wrapped around each other. How weird Rory thought on the third night as she laid in Logan's firm embrace, that in the midst of one of her greatest losses, she felt so...happy. Happy to be with Logan. Could there be more than just "Vegas" between them? Rory spent the next two days mulling over the question, finally on the last day before her flight home resolving to talk to Logan about it.

Little did Rory know that Logan too was riddled with the same questions. It was not until three days after Rory's arrival did Logan come to a stunning realization; other than the compulsory conversations they would have during the evening before him leaving the office, he had hardly thought of Odette. Having Rory waiting for him at his flat, Logan the first time in a while he finally felt like he was home. In the last eight or so year Logan worked really hard to forget Rory, only having his hard work blown to bits in Hamburg. He remembered that first week after Hamburg when he was filled with doubt over his engagement and his feelings about Rory. He chalked it up to cold feet (after all, that happens to everyone.) Then there was the night in London and the "Vegas" agreement. While he was reluctant to enter into the agreement, he realized soon after Rory proposed the idea that giving up his present state for a relationship that was tenuous at best was stupid. In this case, he chalked up their night together as to "unfinished business" and "closure" after a heartbreaking break-up.

Now it was different. He loved her, he knew it, and he was sure she loved him too.

On the last day in London Rory found herself alone in Logan's flat. She spent the day researching and writing her Naomi article, setting up pitch meetings, doing everything she could to quell her nervous energy as she resolved to talk to Logan about her feelings and their relationship that night.

Sitting at Logan's desk, she wrote in her journal, rehearsing what she would say to him, reviewing her "Logan?" pro/con list. Then, her pencil broke and it was while she searching through his desk for another one, that's when she found them; tucked away for safe keeping and away from Rory, pictures of Odette. Rory could not help but take them out and stare at them. They were just three small pictures, held in simple yet elegant frames. There was a candid picture of them with a group of people (Honor, Josh, Colin, Finn, and Robert among them) obviously a bit drunk but having a great time. A more formal picture of the two of them all dressed up at some event, and then another of her, informal smiling happily at the person taking the picture (obviously Logan.) Turning away from the photos Rory turned on her laptop and immediately plunged down the Odette Google rabbit hole, spending the afternoon reading as much as she could. Rory learned how Odette eschewed society life to become a nurse and work in a charity hospital. How she did relief work in Haiti. She read her mother's obituary and countless other articles about her charity work. By the time she emerged Rory had convinced herself that Logan was engaged to Princess Diana incarnate. And then there was Rory who after eight-plus years of working her tail off was nowhere close to achieving her dream of being a world-class Journalist. Worse yet, she wasn't even sure if journalism was what she wanted. It was her against this other woman, this beautiful self-assured woman, and younger to boot, set on the path to help save the world. No wonder Logan fell in love with her, no wonder he asked her to marry him. She was beautiful, cultured, and had a purpose. While Rory was mourning, directionless, and insecure. How could Logan really love her? Worse yet, was she really sure that what she felt was love or was it neediness?

In the end, it was a question that she felt needed to answer for herself, and it was best to try to do that away from Logan. He arrived home that evening to find her packed and ready to leave.

"What's going on?" He asked trying to mask his hurt and surprise.

"My flight is really early tomorrow and well I felt it would probably be better for me to stay at a hotel near the airport then to wake you up so early in the morning. You've gone above and beyond already."

"Hey," he said putting his hands on her arms so he would look straight at her, "this was no trouble at all. I wanted to be here for you."

"And you were." She paused warming up her cold tone, "and I am so grateful, really I am. You have been my rock these past two weeks. I will never ever be able to thank you enough. But we've been living in a bubble. Real life is out there, and we have to get to it."

"But..."

"Remember," Rory said steeling herself, "Vegas."

With that Logan felt deflated.

"Yes," He answered hiding his hurt, "Vegas".

"I have to go."

"At least let me buy you a good by dinner?"

"Ok. How about the pub down the street? I am craving mushy peas." "Ok, just let me get changed."

"Ok."

After dinner, Logan dropped off Rory at her hotel, where she immediately went to her room and broke into tears. Meanwhile once out of sight, Logan pulled over to another parking lots where he sat for an hour also in tears trying hard to get himself together.

This is never going to happen... they both thought to themselves as they laid alone in their respective beds that night ...just let it go and move on.

But they couldn't let it go. In the following year, thanks to business trips and other excuses, they continued to see each other, rationalizing their time together under the guise of "Vegas"; living double lives, waiting for the other to make the first move.